Remember when this post made sense? Because it doesn't anymore.
Heel Face Turn (heel fas' turn) noun. When a formerly (and widely recognized) "bad guy" becomes a "good guy."

Usage example: Zach Randolph pulled a heel face turn this season.

Word origin: In Professional Wrestling, an evil wrestler (known as a "heel") sometimes has a change of heart and becomes good, transforming into a "babyface." The term for this is "Heel Face Turn."

The Heel Face Turn, or the concept at least, didn't originate in Professional Wrestling. It's actually a pretty common literary device. One of the most well-known Heel Face Turns occurs when Ebenezer Scrooge goes from being an evil old miser to a loving bastion of generosity in Charles Dickens' 1843 novel A Christmas Carol. A similar metamorphosis happened to the Grinch in Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

Don't get me wrong. The Heel Face Turn isn't limited to Christmas stories. For example, take Dolokhov in War and Peace, Edmund in King Lear, or Inspector Javert in Les Misérables. They all did Heel Face Turns.

Of course, the Heel Face Turn happens in movies all the time. A classic example was when Arnie's T-800 was sent back in time to save John Connor in Terminator 2. But the best film example -- and maybe the most well-recognized modern example -- was when Darth Vader turned on Emperor Palpatine to save his son in Return of the Jedi.

The Heel Face Turn happens in real life, too. Take the story of Johann Blumenbach, the man who helped popularize the concept of "scientific" racism, known as eugenics. Blumenbach went on to fall in love with a black woman and spent much of the rest of his career trying to undo his mistakes.

In the realm of real life, though, Heel Face Turns happen most often in sports. Take the (relatively recent) story of Brett Favre, who went from a tormenter of the Vikings to a hero that nearly led them to a Super Bowl (and then, of course, blew his hero status to hell by playing like feces the next season).

This happens periodically in the NBA as well. Just this season, Zach Randolph went from heel to babyface right before our eyes. There wasn't a large deviation in his stats, which remained similar to his career numbers, but he seemingly became more interested in contributing to a winning situation than "getting his."

For most of his career, Z-Bo had annoyed and/or astounded his coaches and teammates by displaying a shockingly low basketball IQ. I mean, here was a guy who was unstoppable in the paint, but who would jack up three-pointers in critical situations. Nobody knew quite what to expect from Zach...other than that he would make the worst conceivable decision and the worst possible time.

Until this season. Remember, prior to the 2010-11 campaign, Randolph was widely considered a loafer at best and a head case at worst. In essence, he was seen as a better (and let fat) version of Eddy Curry.

Randolph's Heel Face Turn happened slowly over the course of the season, but his clutch dismantling of the Spurs in the first round of the 2011 Western Conference Playoffs was "The Moment" when his transformation became complete. The change didn't only change the public perception. It seems (unless I'm way off here) to have changed Randolph's perception of himself. Take the Grizzlies' second round series against the Thunder. If you watched it, you know Oklahoma City's anti-Randolph strategy was to play Z-Bo as physically as possible. They grabbed him, held him, sometimes arm-locked him and often delivered "harder than strictly necessary" fouls.

The old Zach, I'm convinced, would have eventually lost his shit and thrown a punch. Or at least flipped somebody off. I mean, we're talking about a guy who once face-punched a teammate in practice. And there were times I think he really wanted to do that to somebody on the Thunder. But when those situations presented themselves, he could be seen visibly calming himself and then patting his defender(s) on the back and saying something like, "Good foul, man."

It wasn't just a career transformation. It was a life transformation.

Other notable Heel Face Turns include:

Wilt Chamberlain, who became a hero in the later stages of his career, if only because NBA fans had become threatened by the emergence (and political/religious leanings of) Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Kareem also did a Heel Face Turn during the second half of his stint with the Lakers. He went from being a cold, angry black man who aroused fear and resentment to a wise elder statesman and a winner. (It helped that he was paired with the irresistibly charismatic Magic Johnson. In point of fact, Magic's demeanor may have done more to change perception about Kareem than anything Abdul-Jabbar did himself.)

Dennis Rodman experienced a lesser version of the Heel Face Turn when he -- a former Bad Boy Piston and certified villain in Chicago -- joined forces with Michael Jordan on the Chicago Bulls.

Shaq, who for years had been seen as a fearsome (and, at times, spiteful) goliath who used his mammoth strength (and uncalled offensive fouls) rather than skill to power his way to the basket, became a sympathetic figure when the Lakers seemingly took sides in the big man's feud with teammate Kobe Bryant, shipping O'Neal to the Miami Heat and rebuilding around Bryant despite the fact that Shaq had been the foundation of their three most recent NBA titles.

Kobe himself went from a near pariah -- thanks largely to accusations of rape, allegations that he threw Shaq under the bus during those rape accusations by telling police that O'Neal paid his lovers off to ensure their silence, for allegedly demanding the Lakers ship Shaq out of town, and, of course, his on court selfishness -- to redeemed MVP and "The Man" on back-to-back championship teams. However, this wasn't a true Heel Face Turn, given that a very large segment of the NBA fandom still despises Bryant.

The flip side to the Heel Face Turn is the Face Heel Turn, in which a good guy becomes a bad guy. Real life Face Heel Turn examples include Marcus Brutus and Benedict Arnold. Or, using a previous example, Brett Favre. After all, Favre became a Heel in the eyes of Green Bay fans (and many other NFL fans as well) when he retired from the Packers, unretired, joined the Jets, re-retired, unretired again, joined the Vikings, re-re-retired, unretired yet again, rejoined the Vikings, re-re-re-retired, etc.

In the NBA, LeBron James did what may be the biggest Face Heel Turn in the history of sports Face Heel Turns. After years of leading his "hometown" Cavaliers -- and, in fact, promising not to stop until he led Cleveland to a championship -- he spurned the city and team that loved him with manic desperation to join Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami. As we all know, it wasn't so much that he did it as how he did it, in a public TV spectacle that was aired on ESPN to feed his titanic ego...as if he could possibly have needed any ego-stroking. This, of course, came on the heels of several years worth of rabid speculation that has turned Cavs fansa and management into a bunch of paranoid basket cases.

In many ways, LeBron's Face Heel Turn mirrors my personal all-time favorite Face Heel Turn...by Hulk Hogan at WCW's Bash at the Beach in 1996.

And here's a funtastic extra: In this thread at TheW.com, TheOldMan transcribes Hogan's words from the bash, as if it was what LeBron really said during The Decision. In this case, Dwayne Wade would be Scott Hall and Chris Bosh would be Kevin Nash.

Michael Wilbon: LeBron James, excuse me. Excuse me. What in the world are you thinking?

LeBron James: Wilbon, the first thing you gotta do is to tell these people to shut up if they want to hear what I've gotta say.

Michael Wilbon: I have been covering you for so many years...for you to join up with the likes of these two men absoulutely makes me SICK to my stomach! And I think that these people here and this circus? The whole basketball world have had just about enough of this man and this man and you want to put yourself in this group? You've gotta be...kidding me!

LeBron James: Well the first thing you've gotta realize brother -- is that this right here is the future of basketball. You can call this the New World Order of basketball, brother. These two men were tired of losing and everybody was wondering about who the third man was. Well, who knows more about losing in the playoffs than me, brother?

Michael Wilbon: I've covered lots of great athletes and seen how built their legacy with their original team. You have made the wrong decision in my opinion.

LeBron James: Well let me tell you something, I made the Cleveland Cavaliers, brother! I made the people rich up there. I made the people that ran that organization rich up there. And when it all came to pass, the name LeBron James, the man LeBron James got bigger than the entire organization, brother! And then James Dolan amigo, he wanted to talk turkey with LeBron James. Well, James Dolan promised me endorsements brother. James Dolan promised me a trillion dollars. And James Dolan promised me world-class teammates. Amar'e Stoudemire??? So as far as James Dolan, Dan Gilbert and the rest of the NBA goes, I'm bored brother. That's why I want these two guys here, these so called All-Stars, these are the men I want as my friends. They are the new blood of professional basketball and not only are we going to take over the whole NBA, with LeBron James, the new blood and these monsters with me. We will destroy everything in our path Wilbon.

Michael Wilbon: [referring to the garbage being thrown in their direction] Look at all of this crap at your feet! This is what's in the future for you if you want to hang around the likes of this man Wade, and this man Bosh.

LeBron James: As far as I'm concerned, all of this crap represents the fans out there. For seven years brother! For seven years, I held my head high. I did everything for the charities. I did everything for the kids. And the reception I got when I announced my decision? You Cavalier fans can stick it, brother! Because if it wasn't for LeBron James, you people wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for LeBron James, Mike Brown would be selling meat from a truck in Indianapolis. And if it wasn't for LeBron James, all of these "Johnny come-lately bandwagon fans" that you see out here - basketball wouldn't exist in Cleveland! I was selling the world out brother as an 18-year old while they were waiting tables to get through college. So the way it is now brother, with LeBron James and the New World Order of basketball brother, me and the new blood by my side. Whatcha gonna do when the New World Order runs wild on you? Whatcha gonna do?

LeBron James: [Grabs Wilbon] What are you gonna do?

Michael Wilbon: Hey, don't touch me! Don't touch me, I'm going to see the lawyers! Stu, Jim, Chris, Dammit let's get back to you!

Stuart Scott: All right. We have seen the end of LeBronamania. For Chris Broussard, for Jim Gray, For Michael Wilbon, I don't know...I'm Stuart Scott. LeBron James, you can go to hell! We're outta here. Straight to hell.

Stuart Scott: Boo-yah!

Usage note: Many times, you'll see Heel Face Turn shortened to simply "Face Turn" and Face Heel Turn" truncated to "Heel Turn." That's how I typically do it, anyway.

Contribute! Can you remember an NBA-related Heel Face Turn or Face Heel Turn I didn't mention? Leave it in the comments. The best submissions will be added to this post.

References: Television Tropes and Idioms; Wikipedia Glossary of Professional Wrestling Terms.

Labels: Face Heel Turn, Heel Face Turn, Hulk Hogan, Lebron James, Word of the Day, Zach Randolph

The San Antonio Spurs: I already covered the death of the Spurs here and here. That 61-win season was a fantastic last gasp for the Duncan era. But Zach Randolph slammed the window shut.

R.I.P.

Tim Duncan, non-quote machine: Basketbawful reader Zach B. sent in this non-quote which, as he put it, works on so many levels: "Duncan left the court five days after turning 35 for what might have been the last time, not that he said anything to his teammates."

The Oklahoma City Thunder: Before Oklahoma City opened the second round with a Game 1 loss at home to the Grizzlies, Thundermania had been building to a fever pitch. It's actually been building ever since they acquired Kendrick Perkins from the Celtics. After all, Perk was supposed to be the elusive "final piece" that would push the Thunder past the Lakers and into the NBA Finals.

Right?

Only, last time I checked, Oklahoma City is going to have to make it to the Western Conference Finals before they get a shot at L.A. And that might not happen.

Zach Randolph may see to that.

I never thought I'd type those words outside of some sort of hostage situation. Nor did I ever think I'd be cutting and pasting anything like the following quote into a Basketbawful post. It's from Kevin Durant. About Randolph.

"You can't stop him. You've got to make them shoot tough shots like he's been doing, but if he's making them, he's tough to stop. He's an animal."

Durant also believes Z-Bo is "the best power forward in the league."

Replied Z-Bo: "I've got to agree with that. Thanks, KD. I appreciate that."

I am still on planet Earth, right? Third rock from the sun?

Randolph continued: "I've felt like I don't get a lot of respect I deserve. It's nothing personal or nothing. I just try to come out and be the same player, consistent during the regular season and during playoffs. I just try to be this way all the time, play my way all the time, and not be up and down. The good players be consistent and stay consistent, not just playoffs but during the regular season, also."

Added Thunder coach Scott Brooks: "The one thing that I admire in his game is he's relentless. He's always playing the game. You just know that the loves the game. We have to do a better job of controlling him and making him miss some shots.
It's not going to be easy, and we know that going into it, and we knew that going into this game. He scores, and he scores in bunches, and we have to do a better job with that."

I'm not on Earth anymore. I can't be.

I may be way off here, but it may be time for NBA teams to wake up and smell the reality. The Lakers won the last two league championships not because of how awesome Kobe Bryant is. They won because they have two quality big men to throw at people. And, frankly, that's why they're going to beat the Mavericks in that second round series. Thanks to David Stern's "touch me not" legislation, perimeter players have dominated the league the last half dozen years or so. To the point that GMs haven't been assembling dominant frontcourts like the old days.

Except for the Lakers, that is. They have back-to-back titles to show for it. Now the Grizzlies have one, too. And they have become a nightmare for their opponents.

Make no mistake. It's not just Zach, though. Randolph was awesome -- 34 points, 12-for-22, 1-for-1 from downtown [!!], 9-for-9 from the line, 10 rebounds, 3 steals, 2 assists -- but the presence of Marc Gasol (20 points, 9-for-11, 13 rebounds, 4 assists, 3 blocks, 1 steal) means that Oklahoma City's defense can't key in on Z-Bo. Not with another kickass big roaming the paint.

Memphis won the rebounding battle, hauled in 17 offensive boards and scored 52 points in the paint.

That said...let's not count the Thunder out just yet. This could be an aberration game. After all, according to ESPN Stats and Information, Gasol and Randolph went 11-for-15 on shots from 10 feet and beyond. That's a conversion rate of 73+ percent. Against the Spurs, they went 20-for-50 (40 percent) from 10+ feet.

What's more, Memphis surrendered a mere 8 points on only 8 turnovers, while scoring 23 points off the 18 turnovers committed by Oklahoma City.

The hot outside shooting by the Grizzlies' big men and disproportionate turnover margin won't happen every night. Of course, the one night it did happen may turn out to be enough. We'll see.

Kendrick Perkins: The Thunder traded him to dominate the paint and shut down opposing big men, right? Amiright?

Russell Westbrook: Westbrook's line looks great -- 29 points, 8 rebounds, 6 assists -- as long as you don't include the 9-for-23 shooting, 7 turnovers and 5 personal fouls. When one player barely wins the turnover battle against the entire other team, you know somebody's got the butterfingers.

The Boston Celtics: Dwyane Wade was super hot -- 38 points on 14-for-21 shooting plus 8-for-9 from the line -- and his production was most definitely not the norm. According to ESPN Stats and Information:

Wade shot 6-for-11 from 15 feet or farther in Game 1; his six field goals from that range were two more than he made in his previous four games against Boston.

During the regular season, Wade had the lowest field goal percentage of the 69 players who attempted at least 15 field goals from at least 15 feet against the Celtics.

You know what? That's fine. Superstars catch fire. It happens. I can forgive that. Especially when LeBron James and Chris Bosh are held to 11-for-29 from the field.

What I cannot forgive is Boston's defense on James Jones. JJ exploded off Miami's bench to score 25 points on 5-for-7 from downtown and 10-for-10 from the line. Yes, that's right. In a game featuring Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, Kevin Garnett, LeBron James, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen...James freakin' Jones had a game-high in FTA.

I'm so not on planet Earth. Where the fuck am I?

According to ESPN Stats and Information, Jones set the cHeat franchise record for points off the bench in a playoff game. What's more, he went 4-for-5 on threes in the second quarter, tying Miami's postseason record for three-pointers in a single quarter. Oh, and get this: He launched all seven of his FGA without taking a dribble. And he was unguarded on six of his seven attempts. And all five of his makes. Nice rotations, Celtics.

Said Ray Allen: "There's so many things we need to do to get better. I think everybody in that locker room knows that, just from a small conversation we just had."

Jeez, no shit, Ray.

Bottom line is this: Boston can't afford to get beaten by Miami's roleplayers. That's what happened. In the first half, cHeat coach Erik Spoelstra benched LeBron and Wade at the same time, which is ultra-rare. Jones ended up leading a 9-0 run. And Jones ended up outscoring the Celtics bench 25-23. Man oh man, I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

Still, cHeat fans shouldn't feel too confident. The Celtics played like ass -- Boston's bigs were 13-for-32 in the paint and got seven shots blocked, Rajon Rondo played only eight minutes in the first half due to foul trouble, and Paul Pierce got ejected (see below) -- and still cut a 19-point lead down to 90-82 with 4:22 left. And it was Rondo's careless passing (four TOs in six possessions down the stretch) that killed any hope of a comeback.

But the comeback was a distinct possibility.

I say that the Celtics will play much better in Game 2. Of course, it may not matter, because they may be without the services of...

Paul Pierce: Yes, Pierce's ejection has caused some angst around these parts, no doubt about it. Here's my take.

With 7:58 remaining, James Jones committed a flagrant foul on Pierce. Wasn't called a flagrant, which happens sometimes, so you just have to live with it. Only Pierce couldn't or wouldn't live with it, going face to face with Jones and then head-something-ing him. Was it a headbutt? A headbump? A facerub? I'm not sure what to call it. I do know that Zaza Pachulia was recently suspended one playoff game for what the league felt was a headbutt on Jason Richardson.

You can't do that, Paul. You're the team captain. You can't get a technical when you're team is trying to make a comeback -- your free throws cut the lead to 10 and there was plenty of time remaining -- and you can't do something that could risk suspension in a playoff series versus a real championship contender. I understand your frustration. I would've been pissed, too. But you've won a championship, Paul. Been the Finals MVP, even. You know better than that. You do.

Less than a minute later, Pierce was setting a pick on Wade, who lowered his shoulder and tried to blast right through Pierce's pick. Yeah, Pookie could have (and probably should have) been called for a foul on the play, but the nearest official didn't have a clear view and, frankly, probably wouldn't have made the flagran call Doc Rivers wanted anyway. Not in Miami. That's the reality of playing on the road in the playoffs, Paul. You're not new to these games. You know better. Or you should. Instead you said something inflammatory with referee Ed Malloy standing, what, five feet away?

Crew chief Danny Crawford said: "And in the rulebook, that is a verbal taunt. And it just so happened to be Pierce's second technical foul."

For the record, Crawford also said: "He approached Jones and got right in his face. There wasn't a head-butt, but he got right into his face after a hard foul."

Crawford's statement might save Pierce from a suspension, if only because Stern hates to contradict his officials. But, as much as I understand why Pierce was upset, I have to agree with ESPNBoston's Jackie MacMullan: "It was an appalling development for the team captain and supposed leader, who, instead of helping Boston scratch back from a deficit that was as high as 19 points, lost his composure and was forced to watch the remainder of the game from the locker room in disgrace."

Labels: Boston Celtics, Oklahoma City Thunder, Paul Pierce, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Weekend, Zach Randolph

Labels: 2011 NBA Playoffs, Memphis Grizzlies, San Antonio Spurs, Zach Randolph

"So...how do you feel about anal rampage?"
The Los Angeles Lakers: It's kind of hard to find fault in a game that featured a superstar duel between Kobe Bryant (39 points) and Dwyane Wade (27 points, 14 assists), included 19 ties and 31 lead changes -- two more lead changes than any other game this season -- and went down to the wire in overtime...but that's my job here, and I take it seriously.

The Lakers are supposedly one of the league's top defensive teams, but the Heat shot nearly 53 percent as a team and Quentin Richardson scored a season-high on 8-for-13 shooting, including 7-for-11 from downtown. (Hand in the face guys...it's more than just a theoretical concept.) On top of that, L.A. shanked 10 of their 25 free throw attempts -- including two straight bricks by Ron Artest with 2:19 left in regulation -- which is kind of a big deal in a game that goes to OT. They also gave up a whopping 24 points off only 16 turnovers. But perhaps the most damning statistic is that the Lakers had only 15 assists on 45 field goals...which was only one more dime than D-Wade had by himself. But a lack of ball movement is pretty standard when Mamba has a big scoring game.

And sure, L.A. still managed to shoot 51 percent as a team and Kobe's shooting was solid (15-for-28). BUT...Kobe was only 2-for-7 from downtown -- the Lakers were 6-for-23 overall -- and Pau Gasol was never really featured and so never really got it going (4-for-11). Maybe it's just me, but it felt like the Lakers made scoring a little too hard on themselves.

Still, they very well could have stolen the game, especially after Kobe forced overtime with another clutch jumper. (Look, I hate Kobe and all, but can we all just agree that the numbers are wrong? There's nobody better right now with a game on the line.) But sometimes the Mamba giveth and the Mamba taketh away. With under 20 ticks to go in OT and the Lakers down a point, Bryant drove in for a layup, but Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal was there to take the charge. What's worse, The Drain had been telling his teammates that, the next time somebody on L.A. drove, he was going to take the charge. A called charge? Really?

Really.

Said Wade: "I saw it coming the whole way. That's J.O. -- J.O. not only protects the basket by being a shotblocker, but he also protects it because he can take charges. And that's great. Everybody did their job tonight."

Everybody except the Laker defenders.

Said Kobe: "We just couldn't get stops. We basically traded baskets to start the overtime. We didn't execute well defensively."

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall!!"
Phil Jackson, complaint machine: Phil Jackson wouldn't be Phil Jackson if he didn't bitch about the officiating after a tough loss. And sure enough, he took exception with a call Kobe didn't get after a seeming airball with half a minute left in the fourth quarter and the Lakers up one. Said P-Jax: "I'm sure he didn't shoot an airball. That's unconscionable that that call can't be made at that point in the game, because that's a shooter and there it is."

What made it especially frustrating for Jackson is that was the only missed call either way all game.

The Chicago Bulls: The Windy City Stags came out like a five-layer "asses of fire" burrito stuffed with a lightning storm...and with good reason. This was the second game of a nine-game stretch versus playoff contenders, including the division-leading Mavericks (twice), Magic and Craboliers. With a road loss to the Pacers and a home blowout to the Hawks in their rearview mirror, the Bulls really, really needed to prove they could win one without Joakim Noah, who's out semi-indefinitely with plantar fasciitis.

Problem: Noah is Chicago's leading rebounder, best interior defender and probably their second-best player overall (after Derrick Rose). And the Bulls had to face off against a Memphis frontcourt of Marc Gasol, Zach Randolph and Rudy Gay that came into the game averaging 55.7 PPG and 27.0 RPG.

"Uh oh" is right.

Those three players ended up with 60 points and 30 rebounds to go along with 6 steals and 5 blocked shots, while shooting 22-for-42 from the field and 15-for-18 at the foul line. To put that into perspective, Chicago’s entire starting lineup combined for 78 points and 23 rebounds, and the Bulls earned 21 free throw attempts as a team.

It gets worse. The Grizzlies outrebounded the Bulls 46-31, outscored them 62-42 in the paint and finished +9 in free throw attempts. To put things in a more science-y way, Memphis had decided advantages in Effective Field Goal Percentage, Offensive Rebound Percentage and Free Throw Rate…as illustrated by this Four Factors chart from Statsheet.com:

Science says: "Fail."
Chicago won the first quarter 32-19 and went up by as many as 17 points in the second. But teams with an strong inside game and an opposing frontcourt tend to win the battle of attrition in the NBA, which might explain why Memphis is tied for the most comeback victories from a deficit of 15 points or more this season.

The Grizzlies outscored the Bulls 29-16 in the final quarter, and the most telling stretch occurred after Memphis had tied the game at 90 on a foul shot by Randolph. The Grizzlies then got two three-point plays — a layup and one — from Gasol on back-to-back possessions to go up 95-90. Gasol missed the free throw on his second three-point play opportunity, but Gay ended up with the offensive rebound, and then O.J. Mayo swooped in for a layup.

Just like that, the Grizzlies were up 97-90 and the game was essentially over.

While Memphis was getting high percentage shots at the basket -- the Griz finished with 23 layups -- the Bulls were settling for long jumpers, or forced jumpers, or having layups blocked.

Said Rose: "It hurts. We worked so hard, then the ball bounces their way. We were right there and they made some great plays, effort plays, and they got the ball."

Zach Randolph, poster boy: He almost single-handedly beat the Bulls with 31 points and 18 boards. He also sent Taj Gibson to the bench with six fouls. But he also took a messy facial from Derrick Rose. Enjoy.


The Phoenix Suns: It's pretty tough to shoot almost 58 percent from the field and lead by double-digits for most of a critical home game against the team you're trying to leapfrog in the playoff standings and then lose anyway...but give the Suns credit. When they put their minds to it, there's nothing they can't not do.

Or something.

Phoenix shot almost 74 percent in the first quarter and nearly 65 percent in the first half, but they wasted an opportunity to kick Utah into an early grave by not protecting their defensive backboards. During the first 24 minutes, the Jazz grabbed 11 rebounds -- half of their rebounding total for the first two quarters -- and scored 11 second-chance points. That kept them in the game...and helped lead to another Suns collapse from a double-digit lead.

Frankly, Phoenix just wore down. Remember, they played the Clippers the night before, and fatigue seemed to show in the fourth, during which the Suns were outscored 41-22. Utah got hot, and the Phoenix _efen_ers couldn't find their hands or any faces to put them in. The Jazz shot 7-for-11 from beyond the arc in those final 12 minutes. Meanwhile, the Suns were 5-for-19 on treys for the game. I guess turnabout is fair play.

Of course, I bet Suns fans would rather sit through 12 minutes of this than the last 12 minutes their team put them through.

Is it possible to coach an entire fourth quarter while facepalming?Suns coach Alvin Gentry says: "Yes. Yes, sirs and madams, it is."
Said Amar''''''e Stoudemire: "I don't know if fatigue set in, but we played well most of the night. We just didn't play well defensively down the stretch. We just have to key in defensively in the fourth quarter to get some stops." Is that a stock quote or something? Because I've been hearing that refrain from Suns players since 2005.

Anyway, the Mormon Musicians were just the more aggressive team, earning a 38-28 advantage in free throw attempts on the Suns' home court. Then there were Utah's 19 offensive boards, plus the 24 points they scored off 19 Phoenix turnovers.

C.J. Miles, possibly unintentional poop humor machine: "Basketball is a game of runs, and we got ours at the right time."

Carlos Boozer, quote machine: "You never know what's going to happen and who's going to end up where in the playoffs. Especially when you're playing in the 'Wild West' where every game is monumental."

The Minnesota Timberwolves beg to differ, Carlos.

Brittney Griner: Girl fight! But, sadly, not the hot kind. Watch as college hooping phenom Brittney Griner suckerpunches a lass named Jordan Barncastle. Yes, that's a real name.


Look, we can't let this kind of thing slide. I say we settle this old school...with pillows, lingirie, a wading pool filled with baby oil and, most importantly, some carefully chosen body doubles.

The Boston Celtics: The Celtics just got older and slower! Way to turn a fizzling season around, Danny Ainge!

Danny Ainge, quote machine: Regarding his pickup of Zombie Finley: "I certainly don't consider Mike Finley to be someone that's going to make the difference in us winning the championship."

Wait, what, really?! If a player won't make a difference, why sign that player? I'm pretty sure Brian Scalabrine has that whole "handing out Gatorade in team huddles" thing down to a science. Maybe the Celtics are just trying to pull in the always-elusive "undead American" demographic.

Lacktion report: And now for chris's very brief lacktivity update:

Lakers-Heat: Joel Anthony fouled once in 6:05 for a +1 suck differential and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl!

Jazz-Suns: Ronnie Price bricked once from the Orpheum Theater and took a foul for a +2 in 3:14.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Brittney Griner, Chicago Bulls, girl fight, Los Angeles Lakers, Memphis Grizzlies, Miami Heat, nightmare fuel, Phoenix Suns, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Night, Zach Randolph

It's Thursday. It's TNT game night. It's Jersey Shore night. But most importantly, it's time for Bawful After Dark! But first, a little video game talk. A few of my co-authors will be familiar with the rest of this, but I feel everyone else might learn something too...

I'm sure everyone remembers my NBA 2K10 review. I've been playing the hell out of the game since then, because My Player mode is stupidly addicting. Since I've been playing it so often, I'm discovering more and more problems with the game (oh, how I can't wait for the patch that's supposedly due in January...). For example, does anybody here have an explanation as to why Chauncey Billups is un-friggin-stoppable in this game? He's the single hardest person to guard in that game, and shoots roughly 80% from three point land even with a hand in his face. Chauncey Goddamn Billups! The Nuggets absolutely ruin my shit, and it's all because of Chauncey Billups. And that, my friends, is just sad.

However, my biggest problem so far is the way my teammates act. I'm playing for the Spurs right now. Coach has me coming off the bench as point guard, and Tony Parker usually plays shooting guard while I'm on the floor. However, in the fourth quarter, Virtual Gregg Popovich likes to switch things up sometimes and put me at the 2-guard spot, and lets Tony Parker run the offense. This is not good because Parker's virtual doppleganger has no sense at all of clock management. He's an AI drone, but if he could actually think, I would imagine it'd be something like this: "Okay, we're down by 5 points with 30 seconds left, what play should I run...? Got it! I'll stand in place at the top of the key and dribble out the shot clock, and jack up a horrible, double-covered jumper with nobody under the basket to get my rebound! Brilliant!" It's like watching that horrendous Rajon Rondo possession from a few weeks ago over and over and over again. It's only slightly less painful than the worst possession ever by Zach Randolph. (Starting to understand why I hate my team?)

If I somehow manage to get the ball out of Parker's hands late in the game, it doesn't really help us any. I'll have to pass the ball at some point, because my jump shot isn't good yet, and I can't just drive the lane at will. However, if the ball so much as touches Manu Ginobili's hands, it's pretty much a lock that he will instantly put up a three pointer, no matter what. During the first three quarters, this is tolerable, since he usually hits them. Unfortunately, I don't think I've seen Virtual Ginobili hit a crunch time three pointer yet, and I'm already almost to the All Star break in this season. So yeah, we've lost a lot of close games so far this season.

But I did recently beat the Lakers by swatting down Kobe's shot attempt with four seconds left in the game, then forcing a five-second call on their final possession. So that makes it all worth it, even if I spend entirely too much time yelling at the screen for Ginobili to pass inside to Duncan.

Nationally Televised Games:
Celtics at Wizards Generals: Boston's road game record this year is 9-1. Washington's home game record is 4-5. Why is this on TNT again? (Per the Stats LLC preview, "The Wizards, though, have trouble shutting teams down." ...Insightful.)

Magic at Jazz: Anyone else not really in the mood to watch the Jazz stumble through the second night of a back-to-back after being thoroughly humiliated in the 4th quarter by the Lakers last night? Oh, and the Magic are on an eight game road winning streak. Just sayin'...

All The Other Games:
Nuggets at Pistons: The Pistons beat the lowly 76ers last night. ...Hurray? I don't think they'll be celebrating anymore after tonight. Just a hunch.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Boston Celtics, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, NBA 2K10, Orlando Magic, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards, Zach Randolph

Zach ponders the grim certainty of yet another 20-10-50 season.
20-10-50 guy (twen'-te ten fif'-te gi) noun. A professional basketball player who has averaged at least 20 points and 10 rebounds or assists for a single season, and whose team lost at least 50 games.

Usage example: Not surprisingly, Zach Randolph is the classic 20-10-50 guy.

Word history: This term was coined back in the fall of 2004 during the aftermath of my very first fantasy basketball draft. My buddy Statbuster was giving me hell for drafting Stephon Marbury, who was coming off a season in which he averaged 20.2 PPG and 8.9 APG. The conversation went something like this:

Statbuster: Dude, why would you draft Starbury? The guy's a cancer. He's like a tumor growing on top of another tumor. He's such a cancer, the American Medical Association is considering renaming "chemotherapy" to "stephonotherapy."

Me: Dude, team chemistry doesn't affect fantasy stats. And Marbury has great numbers.

Statbuster: Yep. He's always good for 20 points, 10 assists and 50 losses.

We both broke up laughing, and thus the 20-10-50 guy was born. Statbuster immediately pointed out that the Chicago Bulls traded Elton Brand after two consecutive 20-10-50 seasons. Quipped Statbuster: "That's when the Bulls said, 'Let's trade our best player, because he must be the reason we're losing.'"

I finally unleashed AnacondaHL on this subject, because, after all, he specializes in digging up arcane stats like this. Here are his findings:

20-10-50 guys -- Assists:

Turns out this is pretty rare. In fact, it's happened once: in 1990-91, Michael Adams averaged 26.5-10.5 for the worst defensive team of all time. The only other guy who came close was Tim Hardaway, who in 1992-93 averaged 21.5-10.6 for a Golden State Warriors squad that went 34-48.

20-10-50 guys -- Rebounds:

Now we're cooking! This happened 35 times in league history. AnadondaHL created a nifty spreadsheet full of pretty numbers, but here's the breakdown:

1950s: One guy did it, Neil Johnston of the Philadelphia Warriors, who went 12-57 in 1952-53 despite Johnston's 22.3-13.9.

1960s: It happened 10 times: once each for Elgin Baylor (29.6-16.4 in 1959-60 for the 25-50 Minneapolis Lakers), Bob Pettit (31.1-18.7 in 1961-62 for the 29-51 St. Lous Hawks), Baily Howell (21.6-10.1 in 1963-64 for the 23-57 Detroit Pistons), Gus Johnson (20.7-11.7 in 1966-67 for the 20-61 Baltimore Bullets), John Block (20.2-11.0 in 1967-68 for the 15-67 San Diego Rockets); twice for Willie Naulls (23.4-13.4 in 1960-61 for the 21-58 New York Knicks and 25.0-11.6 in 1961-62 for the 29-51 Knicks); and an amazing three times for Walt "Bells" Bellamy (31.6-19.0 in 1961-62 for the 18-62 Chicago Packers; 27.9-16.4 in 1962-63 for the 25-55 Chicago Zephyrs; and 22.8-15.7 in 1965-66 for the 30-50 New York Knicks).

1970s: It happened 9 times: once each for Elvin Hayes (27.5-16.9 in 1969-70 for the 27-55 San Diego Rockets), Nate Thurmond (21.9-17.7 in 1969-70 for the 30-52 San Francisco Warriors), Bob Kauffman (20.4-10.7 in 1970-71 for the 22-60 Buffalo Braves), Spencer Haywood (29.2-12.9 in 1972-73 for the 26-56 Seattle Super Sonics), Bob McAdoo (25.8-12.9 in 1976-77 for the 30-52 Buffalo Braves...although he was traded that season to the 40-42 New York Knicks), Artis Gilmore (23.7-12.7 in 1978-79 for the 31-51 Chicago Bulls), and Truck Robinson (21.1-11.6 in 1978-79 for the 26-56 New Orleans Jazz...although he was traded that season for the 50-32 Phoenix Suns); and twice for Sidney Wicks (24.5-11.5 in 1971-72 for the 18-64 Portland Trail Blazers and 23.8-10.9 in 1972-73 for the 21-61 Blazers).

1980s: It happened only twice: once each for Terry Cummings (23.7-10.6 in 1982-83 for the 25-57 San Diego Clippers) and Otis Thorpe (20.8-10.2 in 1987-88 for the 28-54 San Antonio Spurs).

1990s: It happened three times: once each for Roy Tarpley (20.4-11.0 in 1990-91 for the 28-54 Dallas Mavericks), Pervis "Out of Service" Ellison (20.0-11.2 in 1991-92 for the 25-57 Washington Bullets), and Derrick Coleman (20.5-10.6 in 1994-95 for the 30-52 New Jersey Nets).

2000s: It has happened eight times so far: once each for Shareef Abdur-Rahim (20.3-10.1 in 1999-00 for the 22-60 Vancouver Grizzlies) and Kevin Garnett (22.4-12.8 in 2006-07 for the 32-50 Minnesota Timberwovles); and twice each for Elton Brand (20.1-10.0 in 1999-00 for the 17-65 Chicago Bulls and 20.1-10.1 in 2000-01 for the 15-67 Bulls), Zach Randolph (23.6-10.1 in 2006-07 for the 32-50 Portland Trail Blazers and 20.8-10.1 in 2008-09*), and Al Jefferson (21.0-11.1 in 2007-08 for the 22-60 Minnesota Timberwolves and 23.1-11.0 in 2008-09 for the 24-58 Timberwolves).

*In 2008-09, Z-Bo became the only player in NBA history to average 20-10 for two 50-loss teams: the 32-50 New York Knicks and the 19-63 Los Angeles Clippers. Even better, Randolph -- currently averaging 20.3 PPG and 10.7 RPG for the 1-6 Memphis Grizzlies -- stands an excellent chance of becoming a 20-10-50 guy for the third time after consecutive trades from two 50-loss teams to another 50-loss team (the Griz were 24-58 last season). In my humble opinion, that marks Z-Bo as the classic 20-10-50 guy.

Labels: 20-10-50 guy, Word of the Day, Zach Randolph

Labels: Allen Iverson, Arco Arena, Desmond Mason, guest author, Kevin Martin, Memphis Grizzlies, one trillion, Sacramento Kings, Suckramento, Zach Randolph

McFarlane Toys provides some of the best action figures available to people who like to collect tiny, plastic versions of their favorite superheros, movie monsters and/or pro athletes. But I got a pretty hearty chuckle out of this offering from their NBA 2009 (Series 16) line...available in April: Zach Randolph in his New York Knicks uniform.


Sadly, this amazing lacktion figure doesn't come with a prop teammate and/or opponent for Toy-Bo to punch, nor does it come with a three-point arc from behind which your Lacktion Zach could chuck up countless imaginary, buzzer-beating airballs. And while the face isn't nearly round or doughy enough, I will admit that the tiny manikin is virtually indistinguishable from the real Zach on defense: Stiff and unmoving.

Other great lacktion figures in Series 16 include Knee-Mac (apparently diving for a loose ball), Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal (in his Craptors uni), and a LeBron James figure in which King Crab looks like he's squatting in apparent preparation for an emergency bowel evacuation. In fact, the product description says: "LBJ's fifth figure offers a completely unique pose -- with LeBron taking a moment during a timeout, planning out his next move..." Move-MENT, more like.

Speaking of product descriptions, here's the one for The Drain: "An off-season trade brought him to Toronto, where he's partnered with Chris Bosh as the new 'big and bigger' duo in the NBA." ("Big and bigger"? Make that "doomed and over" and we're good.) But even better is this description for Knee-Mac's mini-me: "McGrady remains the [Rocket's] most crucial player -- and sometimes being the leader means more than dunking the ball or shooting out the lights -- sometimes it means you've gotta sacrifice your body just to keep that ball inbounds..."

I love it when the jokes just write themselves. And, once again, these babies won't be out until next month. Pre-order yours today!

Labels: action figures, Jermaine O'Neal, Lebron James, unintentional hilarity, Zach Randolph

By now, you've probably heard all about Zach Randolph's latest bastardization of basketball. (For further reading, go to ClipperBlog or see Bill Simmons' A dumbfounding night in the 'Dumbleavy Era'.) It boggles the mind and bends the imagination. So what's the deal? Is Randolph selfish, stupid, or just a hopelessly overconfident SWAC?

Or...could it be that we're looking at this whole situation the wrong way? Maybe Z-Bo perceives the world in a way we can't comprehend. Perhaps Zach got caught in an Intrinsic Field Subtractor -- ala Dr. Manhatten from The Watchmen -- and became a kind of a quantum NBA player, and his corresponding inability to perceive time in a linear fashion has caused him to grow increasingly distant from his team, the league and humanity in general. And that kind of cold and remorseless indifference would certainly explain his bizarre shot selection...

Labels: bizarre shot selection, gratuitous comic book references, Mike Dunleavy Sr., The Watchmen, Zach Randolph

Carlos Arroyo: Where's Jameer Nelson when you really need him? Carlitos was an Albatross on offense (zero points, 0-for-5 shooting, 4 assists, 2 turnovers) and had his lunch eaten by Mo Pete (19 points, 7-for-9 shooting, 6 rebounds).

Dwight Howard: From Odenized: "The announcers bring up a good point. Dwight Howard is a threat to everyone's health: Tony Battie, Jameer Nelson, Brian Cook (broken knuckle yesterday), and now Chris Paul! Is Dwight Howard a player assassin?" Watch the video and decide for yourself. (Hint: The answer is "yes.")


Mike James: Hey you! Yeah, Mr. DNP-CD, you! How's it feel down there at the end of the Hornets' bench? But you'll always be able to relive your glorious 20 PPG season at basketball-reference.com. So you have that going for you.

New Jersey Nets: Uh, somebody needs to tell them that playing defense is part of making the playoffs. Actually, don't bother. It's probably too late, anyway.

DeSagana Diop and Trenton Hassell: Diop -- whom I've been asked to refer to as "Lasagna Slop" -- had a face-rocking line of zero points (0-for-0) and one foul in three and a half action-intolerant minutes. But at least his name isn't "Trenton." Hassell played only 36 seconds and contributed nothing but a turnover. Dallas is only 1550.78 miles from East Rutherford -- according to Mapquest, anyway -- but it's never seemed farther away. For them at least.

The "Detroit Pistons": My first instinct is to say that the Minnesota fans didn't pay to see a starting lineup that included Rodney Stuckey, Jarvis Hayes, and Theo Ratliff. But then again, after what they've been through this season, that group probably looked like the Eastern Conference All-Stars.

Minnesota Timberwolves: They choked up a 21-point second-quarter lead and eventually lost 94-90 to the "Pistons" despite the fact that Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton and Rasheed Wallace didn't even play. Oh, and they let Rodney Stucky play "Fourth Quarter Assassin" by dropping 12 of his career-high 27 points in the final stanza to steal the win.

Craig Smith, quote machine: The T-Wolves forward said: "We’re very disappointed we let this one go. We really beat ourselves by letting them back into the ballgame." No arguments here. Although I think you should have mentioned that your 2-for-10 shooting probably contributed to your team's collapse. But maybe I'm just picking nits. I mean, Ryan Gomes (3-for-10) and Rashad McCants (1-for-9) were just as guilty as you were.

Zach Randolph: I couldn't not mention this: New York's "big man" blocked his 13th shot of the season last night. In 61 games. Holy Christ. You'd think somebody his size would wander into that many blocks by accident. But Isiah wants you to know that Zach wasn't close to being dealt at the trade deadline or anything. As far as anybody knows.

Donnie Walsh: Hey, he doesn't know what the future holds, okay? Wait, what?! He is getting hired by the Knicks after all? Which means he was probably interviewing while still working for the Pacers? No way. I'm shocked. Shocked I tell you. Actually, I kind of am. I thought Walsh had a little more class than that. But then again, Indiana has become a black hole for class the last few years, sucking it into some kind of parallel dimension where it's ritualistically tortured and destroyed. So okay, I'm not shocked anymore.

Larry Hughes: The line: 2 points, 0-for-6 shooting, zero rebounds, zero assists, 1 turnovers, and a "game over" benching with 7:08 left in the third quarter after he blew a layup and clanked an 18-foot jumper on consecutive possessions. Ben Gordan might not be smiling on the outside, but I guarantee you that he's smiling on the inside. (Although, based on Ben's 9-point, 3-for-8 shooting night, he really shouldn't be.)

Update! Benny the Bull: This just in from TrueHoop. The Chicago mascot sniped Kevin Garnett and James Posey from behind with a t-shirt cannon during the closing minutes of the Celtics/Bulls game. According to the Boston Herald report: "Garnett initially had to be restrained by a member of the officiating crew as Benny stood a safe distance away." Huh. What happens when a mascot pees themselves in terror? I guess we'd have to ask Benny that question today. This incident would have been a little more surprising if Benny hadn't gotten into a fight on The Jerry Springer Show earlier this season. Kudos to Posey (even though he sucks) for finding some humor in the situation. "I don’t know. I feel threatened. I don’t feel safe. They really have tough love here, but it was definitely an inside job. They made the mascot do it. I got hit in the back walking away. That spot on my back is sore. I might have to get treatment on it." Of course, I'm only assuming he's kidding.

Doc Rivers: I'm not saying he shouldn't be playing his big guns at all, only that he should try to work a little more leisure time into their schedule. I mean, that's why Danny Ainge signed Sam Cassell (14 minutes) and P.J. Brown (DNP-CD) for, right?

Golden State Warriors: You guys do want to make the playoffs, right? Because last night's banana peel slip against the Spurs makes me think you have a fishing trip planned. That's slightly unfair -- after all, they already have three more wins in a more competitive conference than they finished with last season -- but still. Their offense went wrong (37 percent shooting, only 8 assists to 13 turnovers), they got gangbanged on the glass (54-37), and the Spurs shot their defense full of wholes (55 percent from the field). The sad thing is, you can't exactly say they played badly, because they stuck to their usual game plan...it just didn't work. Let's face it, the Warriors live and die by a certain philosophy (a.k.a., Nellie Ball). And with the way these Western Wars are going, it looks like their headed for the "die" part.

Raja Bell: Let me put on my Hubie Brown mask. "If you're playing for a seven-deep team on the second night of an exhausting back-to-back series with a fast-paced team like the Denver Nuggets, and there's playoff positioning at stake, you cannot afford to get yourself thrown out of the game. It's careless and irresponsible. Your team needs you." Seriously, Raja. WTF?! Just for fun, and in case you haven't seen it, here's The Raja Flop.


Phoenix Suns freethrow shooting: I'm not even going to comment on the home cooking that may or may not have (it did) led to the Nuggets 47-26 advantage in freethrow attempts, but I will mention that the Suns missed 12 of the foul shots they did get. Yes, I'm looking at you, Shaq (2-for-9).

Tracy McGrady: T-Mac great game (32 points, 7 rebounds, 4 assists) ended the same way so many of his other great games have ended: With McGrady gonking a buzzer-beating jumper that would have won the game. (It's probably also worth mentioning that he shot 12-for-31 and had 5 turnovers.)

Reggie Theus, quote machine: After his Kings beat the Rockets and damaged their chances of winning the Western Conference, the Sacramento coach said: "It’s nice that we can play a role in the Western Conference. The guys understand we have a role to play. If our role is to muck it up, that’s what we’ll do. It gives us something to play for and it’s a big win for us down the stretch." Wow. Way to aim high, Reggie.

Update! Damned fools: More breaking news from TrueHoop. Okay, seriously...who gets into a fight at an autograph session? Rashard Lewis fans, apparently. Lewis and his family were taking in a show at the Medieval Times in Kissimmee when a group of teenagers asked for his autograph. One thing led to another and a "mini-riot" broke out. The police were called and they soon restored order. Fortunately for everyone involved, the only casualties were a cell phone and a camera memory card. Nobody got arrested. Lewis said he was only trying to give his fans some love. "I was just trying to be a nice guy." That'll teach him that nice guys finish last in Medieval Times mini-riots.

Labels: Detroit Pistons, Doc Rivers, Donnie Walsh, Dwight Howard, Golden State Warriors, Larry Hughes, Phoenix Suns, Raja Bell, Tracy McGrady, Zach Randolph

I already touched on Zach Randolph's pooptastic game against the Raptor's in Worst of the Weekend, but this thrilling video -- provided by Basketbawful reader Charles -- is the dollop of creamy turd pudding on top of the crap cake that Z-Bo served up last night:


Worst. Possession. Ever. Let me recap it for you:

1. Randolph, a (nearly) seven-footer, receives the ball outside of the three-point line.

2. He attempts to break down his defender by dribbling the hell out of the ball, sort of like Isiah Thomas circa 1989, only without the mad handles.

3. He totally loses the rock like somebody abusing the freestyle control on NBA Live and has to run almost out to halfcourt to retrieve it.

4. Then, instead of passing the ball to a teammate, he runs it to the arc and launches an airball...with 7 seconds left on the shot clock! (Thanks, herman).

The best part is when the camera pans to Isiah, who looks about ready to choke a bitch.

Labels: Isiah Thomas, New York Knicks, Zach Randolph

Uh, nice...bowtie...or whatever.

Just what in the name of Odin's shaggy beard was Danny Ainge thinking? Let's see: The Boston Celtics are led by a 6'6" All-Star perimeter player. So what does Ainge do? He deals the 5th pick in the draft for a 6'5" All-Star perimeter player. Ray Allen is basically just an older, lamer version of Paul Pierce who, in case you didn't know, is already a Celtic. And he's coming off surgery on both ankles. And he's got three years and $52 million left on his contract. Assuming the C's keep him, he and Pierce are going to account for between $30 and $40 million in cap space over the next three seasons, which drastically limits their ability to add other quality players.

This isn't going to work. It won't. It can't. Allen and Pierce are both quality players, All-Stars even. But they play the same position and do the exact same types of things (mostly firing it up from the outside). Does anybody remember how the 2002-03 Wizards teamed Jerry Stackhouse (a mad bomber) with an aging Michael Jordan (whose creaky knees had transformed him into a fall-away jump shooter)? That didn't work either, unless you consider 37 wins and an early vacation "working." Then again, after a 24-win season that featured an 18-game losing streak, 37 wins would be a pretty significant upswing.

Speaking of moves that made me want to whack my head with something hard, how 'bout those Knicks, huh? On paper, it looks like a great move: they essentially dumped Steve Francis and his bloated contract (two years, $33 million) for a legitimate 20/10 guy. Zach Randolph was, without a doubt, one of the best low post players in the West. But the Knicks already had one of the best low post players in the East. Do Randolph and Eddy Curry really complement each other? Of the Knicks many needs, "second inside scorer" was not among them. Plus, they're not exactly making cap room: Zach has four years and over $60 million left on his current contract.

Let me break this down for you: The Celtics and Knicks, two of the worst teams in the league, both brokered deals that brought them more of what they already had, and at a very high price. I don't get it. Am I the only one who doesn't get it? Did I forget everything I ever knew about basketball overnight? Can anyone explain these moves to me?

And lastly, I have to address my Bullies. They drafted Joakim Noah, supposedly a "steal," with the 9th pick. Again, on the surface it was a great move. Noah's a high-energy player with boundless energy and enthusiasm. He's also a character guy and a proven winner. What he is not is anything remotely resembling what the Bulls actually needed, which was (primarily) a low post scorer and (secondarily) a big guard/small forward who can penetrate and create his own shot. Noah is not a scorer. He can't score inside, nor can he shoot from the outside. Most of the 12 PPG he scored in his Junior season at Florida came on layups and tip-ins. You know, last summer, the Bulls spent $60 million on a guy who could rebound, bang bodies, had a winning history, and couldn't score in an empty gym full of five-foot hoops. His name is Ben Wallace, and he already does all the things Noah is predicted to do.

Seriously, my head hurts.

Labels: Ben Wallace, Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls, Danny Ainge, Eddy Curry, Joakim Noah, NBA Draft, New York Knicks, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Zach Randolph