McFarlane Toys provides some of the best action figures available to people who like to collect tiny, plastic versions of their favorite superheros, movie monsters and/or pro athletes. But I got a pretty hearty chuckle out of this offering from their NBA 2009 (Series 16) line...available in April: Zach Randolph in his New York Knicks uniform.

Lacktion Figure

Sadly, this amazing lacktion figure doesn't come with a prop teammate and/or opponent for Toy-Bo to punch, nor does it come with a three-point arc from behind which your Lacktion Zach could chuck up countless imaginary, buzzer-beating airballs. And while the face isn't nearly round or doughy enough, I will admit that the tiny manikin is virtually indistinguishable from the real Zach on defense: Stiff and unmoving.

Other great lacktion figures in Series 16 include Knee-Mac (apparently diving for a loose ball), Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal (in his Craptors uni), and a LeBron James figure in which King Crab looks like he's squatting in apparent preparation for an emergency bowel evacuation. In fact, the product description says: "LBJ's fifth figure offers a completely unique pose -- with LeBron taking a moment during a timeout, planning out his next move..." Move-MENT, more like.

Speaking of product descriptions, here's the one for The Drain: "An off-season trade brought him to Toronto, where he's partnered with Chris Bosh as the new 'big and bigger' duo in the NBA." ("Big and bigger"? Make that "doomed and over" and we're good.) But even better is this description for Knee-Mac's mini-me: "McGrady remains the [Rocket's] most crucial player -- and sometimes being the leader means more than dunking the ball or shooting out the lights -- sometimes it means you've gotta sacrifice your body just to keep that ball inbounds..."

I love it when the jokes just write themselves. And, once again, these babies won't be out until next month. Pre-order yours today!

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20 Comments:
Blogger Wild Yams said...
OK, after looking through all these McFarlane NBA figures, my two personal favorites are definitely Adam Morrison (with long hair) and "3 inch Ricky Davis".

Blogger anne said...
It looks like Chris could create an All-Lacktion squad from these, LOL.

Also Z-Bo's head looks too "adult". Dude straight up looks like a mad scientist put the head of a 7 year old on him. The same goes for the Drain, but instead of a 7 year old, it would be the head of a huge fetus grown in the scientist's underground lair.

Blogger anne said...
One other thing, the KG figure from series 14 looks like Stephon Marbury cosplaying as KG.

Blogger KneeJerkNBA said...
Like the real Z-Bo, that action figure is about to hold the ball too long in the post and then take a lousy shot.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Even the plastic version looks like he's losing the handle.

Blogger chris said...
Wow, could they have come up with a collection of polycarbonate immortals more failarious than this? Amazing.

All we need now is a plastic B-Dizzle special in Clippers uniform, which will no doubt be shipped to a Sacramento-area thrift store within the year.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
he looks like steve smith

Blogger Andrei said...
I know that this is a mega post already, but I just wanted to point out the sequence that occurred at the end of the Bobcats-Wizards game.

With 1:23 left in the game the Wiz were up 4 and looking to wrap up the game. The Wizards secure an offensive rebound and promptly turn the ball over and foul Raymond Felton. With the possibility of closing the gap to 2 points, Raymond bricks both free throws and the Wiz call time out.

The Wizards then can't carry out a simple inbound play and turn the ball over. The Bobcats are feeling generous and give the ball right back. What is the next play you ask? Mike James manages to catch the inbound pass and dribbles into a double team resulting in a turnover.

The Bobcats call a time out and once play resumes get a miss match of Nick Young (a guard) guarding Boris Diaw (a forward), the end result as you can guess is that Young stuffs Diaw's jump hook, retrieves the ball and gets fouled. Young hits both free throws and the Wiz are up 6.

The Wiz are now in control and just need to not foul and hit free throws to secure their 17th win. What do they do? They foul DJ Augustin and he hits both free throws, 4 point game. Washington calls time out and advances the ball to half court.

After discussing strategy (one would hope) in the huddle, the Wizards turn the ball over on the inbound play (that's the 3rd time in less than 2 minutes). The Bobcats score and it's 2 point game. The Wizards promptly turn the ball over again.

The Bobcats do not want the Wiz's charity and Gerald Wallace misses a lay-up. The Wizards can finally put the game out of reach by making 2 free throws with 13 seconds left. The veteran Antawn Jamison steps to the line and calmly bricks one of the two to keep Charlotte in the game down by just 3.

Coming out the timeout Gerald Wallace drives to the hoop, if he doesn't get fouled and scores it's a one point game with 6 seconds left and the Wizards almost assured of a win. Wallace gets hit by Dominic McGuire in mid air and makes the hoop, giving himself the chance to tie the game with the coming free throw. At this point I knew that there was no way in hell he was going to hit that shot and something spectacularly awful was going to happen.

Wallace takes his time and sets up at the free throw line...he doinks it hard off the back of the rim. The Wizards can't secure the rebound and the ball gets volleyballed around until Emeka Okeafor gets the ball and misses a tough layup. Of course no one bothered to block out Diaw and he comes flying untouched to retrieve the ball in mid air. Instead of hitting the game winning put back from point blank range, the frenchman airballs his layup attempt. The Wiz get the ball with .3 seconds left and Jamison misses the second free throw on purpose and the game is over.

That was the worst 1:23 of basketball I have ever seen, it took me hours to clean up the vomit from my couch after watching this gut churning Bawfulness.

Blogger Cactus Berry said...
On yesterday's Bawful:
"Has anybody registered heyronartestpleasestoptakingsomanybadshots.com yet? Because it probably needs to happen."

Done.

http://www.heyronartestpleasestoptakingsomanybadshots.webs.com/

I expect some sort of medal.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Andrei, it sounds like the Wiz and the Bobcats were playing hot potato with victory last night. If there's any video of this incredibly bawful game finish out there, I'd love to see it :)

Blogger DDC said...
Andrei, that's some serious bawful you described right there. Then you factor in the Charlotte is in the hunt for a playoff spot. Wow. Maybe it'd be better for them if they didn't.

Blogger Dunpizzle said...
More Timberpups failure.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/Suicide-lines-Wolves-poster-gaffe-Gil-retires?urn=nba,150652

It appears Al Harrington was just showing off his new kicks against the Clips

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3doDhXLYtUM

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
I want to buy that and paint a Clippers uniform on to it. Then I'm going to buy an Isiah Thomas doll. Then I'm gonna pull an Aqua Teen Hunger Force's Shake vs. Happy Time Harry on both of them.
(look it up)

An added note: If the Clips have both of these guys next year.....I might have to stop being a Clippers fan.

I love a good punchline, but it gets a little bit ridiculous when you have Donald Sterling running the show.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Andrei, that was the most beautiful, bawful thing I have ever read. If only because I opened the Full Play-by-Play and it's so confusing I can't even understand how this all happened.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Looks like Don Nelson's drinking at press conferences again: Nelson thinks Mavs could upset Lakers in 1st round of playoffs. His reasoning is because the Lakers are missing Andrew Bynum, even though that didn't seem to slow down the Lakers much last year with everyone they played outside of Boston. Maybe Nellie thinks this year's Mavs are on par with last year's Celtics?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@buck nasty
...wait, wait, wait. ur a clippers fan?? i didnt even know they existed, outside of billy cristal of course.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@yams
i definitely dont see dallas pulling an upset against la...but based on how the lakers have been playing lately, i wouldnt be surprised if the jazz or, more likely, the spurs are able to knock them out of the playoffs.

as a lakers fan im very nervous about the postseason right now. the bench has been very inconsistent and have constantly blown big double digit leads to let the competition back in the game...its halftime in the lakers-pistons game and they just blew a 14(i think) point lead by letting the pistons go on a 14-0(once again im not sure the exact number) run. they made walter friggin' herrmann look like dirk nowitzki (without the choking part)

Blogger flohtingPoint said...
Bawful, Footbawful really needs some attention. Between the recent rule changes and Warren Sapp topping his embarrassing display on Dancing With the Stars by appearing on the Larry the Cable Guy roast, there is plenty of ammo.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
bad news for the lakers. sun yue is gonna miss 3 weeks w/ a sprained ankle. guess the lakers can kiss homecourt advantage goodbye

Anonymous Ruben said...
Kobe gets a Calvin Murphy! I'm compiling a list on the season- I still have to go back to the first 2 months of the season, but my there have been at least 18 so far, but no repeat offenders yet.

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