Friday-001

The Indiana Pacers: This team has suffered several heartbreaking losses this season. On Friday night, they suffered another one, courtesy of Dirk Nowitzki. Take note of how the video closes on a dejected Larry Bird.


Mind you, Dirk shot pretty poorly (10-for-26) and was only 2-for-10 in the second half until he hit the game-winner. I guess the Pacers just naturally raise the clutchocity of their opponents or something. The Pacers have now lost three in a row at home. And it may not even be home for much longer.

Danny Granger: I know he's really good and all that, but 18 points on 26 shots? They're called teammates, Danny. Use 'em.

The Toronto Craptors: The Craptors hadn't played since Monday -- a 26-point loss to the Bobcats in Charlotte -- but they didn't accomplish anything with that time off, unless they unlocked a couple new songs on Guitar Hero, because the Bobcats traveled to Toronto to deliver another double-digit loss. The Craptors have now lost nine of their last 10 games and 45 of their last 69.

Quick note from Basketbawful reader Benjamin: "Feel free to ridicule my beloved Craps mercilessly -- they deserve it -- but Chris Bosh did record the first Dantley I've ever noticed, with 35 points on eight field goals and 19-for-20 from the line." Indeed he did.

The Miami Heat: Dwyane Wade is playing so well that it's tempting to think that the Heat are better than they actually are. But even though they aren't, they should at least be good enough to eke out a road win against a team that was only 14-19 at home and was down an All-Star. But on Friday night, they were not, falling to the Nets because of dual off-the-bench blitzkriegs by Chris Douglas-Roberts (career-high 18 points) and Jarvis Hayes (18 points, 8-for-12). Said Wade: "We understand the position that we are in. Guys have to start playing with a little more urgency." And that position is: Not yet a lock to make the playoffs.

Jamario Moon: Maybe Moon is one of the guys Wade was talking about. He logged only 11 minutes, finishing with zero points (0-for-3) and a rebound. Oh, and two of those misses were blown dunk attempts that came within the first 90 seconds of the game. As an anonymous commenter put it: "Isn't this the same guy who participated in the dunk contest like a year ago? The same one who said that he knew how to put on a show cause he played with the Globe Trotters? Weird. I always thought the Globe Trotters finished their dunks."

The New York Knicks: Holy wow. It really doesn't get much more bawful than losing by 27 points at home to the worst team in basketball, does it? And mind you, the Kings came into the game 0-28 against the Eastern Conference. The loss was so humiliating that Mike D'Antoni broke into nervous, near-hysterical laughter after the game when somebody asked him about the team's playoff chances. And of his team's star-studded craptacular, D'Antoni said: "We can't make a shot, we don't have legs to get by people and we don't have legs to stop anybody. Just nobody has any physical presence."

The most damning quote, though, came from Sacramento's Kevin Martin: "We played together and we took advantage of their lack of effort." Reality check: When a player from a 15-win team casually mentions how his squad took advantage of another team's lack of effort...that's pretty sad.

Larry Hughes: The line: 3 points on 1-for-8 shooting. He is so much who we thought he was that I cannot for the life of me believe that he hasn't been on the Clippers yet. I promise you that one day he will be. Mark my words. Speaking of which...

The Los Angeles Clippers: All season long, Mike Dunleavy Sr. has bemoaned the many injuries that have plagued his team, which is fair enough, I guess. But check the box score and you'll notice that everybody is in attendance these days, but the results are stunningly the same. Maybe even worse. The Pistons -- minus Rip Hamilton (groin), Rasheed Wallace (calf), Rodney Stuckey (flu-like symptoms!) and Allen Iverson (back) -- demolished them in Detroit. Will Bynum scored a career-high 22 points and matched his career-best six assists. Antonio McDyess had 24 points and 17 rebounds. Tayshaun Prince added 23 points and a career-high 12 assists. Freaking Kwame Brown lit the Clips up for 14 points (5-for-6) in 27 minutes as the Pistons shot nearly 56 percent as a team and won by 18 after trailing by 12 in the first half. Said Dunleavy: "At one point when we had a 10-point lead we should have had a 20-point lead. Our bigs didn't control the paint like they should have and gave up too many easy buckets around the basket." He sure does love pointing fingers, doesn't he?

Tony Parker: By the numbers -- 25 points (12-for-23), 7 rebounds, 8 assists -- he was the Spurs' Player of the Game against the Celtics. But TP also missed four free throws in the final minute...of a three-point loss. Toss in a couple bonkaroos by Michael Finley and the Spurs missed their last six fouls shots in the final two and a half minutes.

Paul Pierce: Watch him get his atoms smashed by Bruce Bowen, then snag Bowen's shorts (at the 18-second mark). I probably wouldn't have noticed the shorts-grab if Basketbawful reader Plonden hadn't mentioned it. Oh, and thanks to the anonymous commenter who provided the link.


Rajon Rondo: Hey, Rajon. Nice defense. Taking tips from Mike D'Anonti or something?


The Minnesota Timberwolves: Their 19-point loss to the Rockets dropped them to 3-16 since Al Jefferson's season-ending knee injury.

The Washington Wizards Generals: I know it goes without saying that they lost, but check out this tidbit from the AP recap: "Last year, Carmelo Anthony had a career night against the Washington Wizards. This time, J.R. Smith and Chris Andersen took their turns. Smith scored a season-high 40 points, Andersen had a career-high 18 points to go along with 11 rebounds and six blocks and the Nuggets beat the Wizards 116-105 Friday night for their fifth straight win." Hey Washington, J.R. Smith and the Birdman called. They said "thanks" for being in their posters.

George Karl, quote machine: Regarding Smith's big game: "J.R. was pretty good. Pretty efficient. He was a nice horse." Wait...what was that last part again? Yes, he said it.

The Philadelphia 76ers: Uh, Philly, you know you're just a small handful of losses from missing out on the playoffs, right? 'Cause the effort in Oakland -- shooting 38 percent, letting the Warriors shoot almost 57 percent and missing 9 free throws -- was purty bawful.

The Warriors' rebounding: Golden State would have destroyed the Sixers if they'd been able to grab a rebound. As it was, Philly hauled down 25 offensive boards, which was scary close to the Warriors rebounding total of 37.

Kenny Smith: Got this email from Joe H: "Does Kenny Smith get a WotW mention for walking into George Wallace's hour and fifteen minute show 30 minutes late with his 'posse'? I was at the show last night at the Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas. The venue probably seats around 200 people and is set up like an old school lounge. George was killing it when in comes Kenny, his wife, and his posse along with Toni Braxton, her sister and their 'people' -- about 15 people total. Being the VIPs that they are, they strolled through the middle of the room and plopped down right in front. Funny thing is that George pulled Toni Braxton up on the stage and had the audience cheer for her, but gave no shout out to the Jet at all. I was sitting about 12-15 feet away from him and thought it was him, but wasn't completely sure until the show ended and I took the opportunity to say hello. When he stood up he was definitely not the 6'3" he is listed as on Basketball-Reference.com. I'm 5'10" and he couldn't be more than 2 inches taller than me, if that." Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Kenny Smith has a posse?!

Friday lactivity report: Here's Chris's lacktion update, with some bonus material:

First off...an interesting note about the Kings-Knicks game, in which the Kings broke their season-long losing streak to the Eastern Conference.

Spencer Hawes was interviewed by Grant Napear afterwards and admitted that his performance against the Bobcats was the "worst of his career." I guess that means that his 7:2 Voskuhl that night really was an accurate measure of his ineffectiveness as a big man! Hey, GMs and basketball statgeeks, you listening!?

And on to the lacktion report:

Bobcats-Raptors: Juwan Howard's single giveaway and duo of turnovers provided him a +3 suck differential in 5:17 for the Bobcats, while Jake Voskuhl lives up to his name again with a Madsen-level Voskuhl of 2:1 (foul and giveaway against a singular board) in 3:08. Voskuhl was joined in the lacktivity department by fellow Craptor Jason Kapono, who bricked from downtown, gave up the rock once, and fouled twice for a +4 in 12:50.

Clippers-Pistons: Mike Dunleavy really wants to make the most of his copy of Duck Hunt, as he barked wildly at two lacktators. Alex Acker (35 seconds) and DeAndre Jordan (22 seconds with one board) provided the Clips with Nintendo love as Mario Brothers!

Likewise, the Wii is looking rather popular as the favorite half-birthday gift for residents of Grosse Pointe Shores, with Walter Sharpe cutting out a 35-second Mario for the Pistons (which somehow included one made field goal). The individual segments in WiiFit probably last longer than that!

Jazz-Thunder: Jarron Collins took one foul in 1:28 for a +2 that also nothced a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Grizzlies-Hornets: Hamed Haddadi had his way with on-court treasure, taking home a 1.3 trillion. On the other side of the court, New Orleans's Devin Brown bricked twice from beyond the arc for a +2 in 1:19. And Melvin Ely's one assist in 5:58 wasn't able to overcome a foul for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Celtics-Spurs: The blockbuster Patrick O'Bryant trade seems to have had the opposite effect for the defending champions, who have confidently dragged out their human victory cigars more often since the transaction. In a close conquest of the perennially contending Spurs, Doc Rivers paid homage to the original Final Fantasy by giving Bill Walkers a 6 second Super Mario to use up all of his health points.

Not to be outdone, Gregg Popovich inserted a Game Genie into his Americanized Famicom as "Jumping" Jacque Vaughn flashed on and off to the whims of the Reset button, scoring a 1-second Super Mario of his own!!!

Wizards-Nuggets: Jason Hart heaved a hopeless shot attempt from downtown for a +1 in 2:28.
Saturday-001

The Atlanta Hawks: Oh how the Hawks fans wanted to rub that seven-game winning streak in my face. But it's like I said: They're a pretty impressive team...at home. But they're a shadow of that on the road and that's going to doom them in the playoffs. Trust me. As if to prove my point, Atlanta found themselves down 40-16 with 8:56 left in the second quarter against the Crabs on Saturday night. And as the game went on, so did the implosion: Coach Mike Woodson picked up technical fouls in the second and third periods and was ejected by official Joe Forte with 6:30 left in the third period. Mike Bibby and Josh Smith were also hit with technicals in the third period. Woodson compounded his mistake by refusing to speak with reporters after the game and forcing assistant coach Larry Drew to talk to the media. Bibby, meanwhile, was making noise about appealing the fine that goes along with a tech, and Al Horford was telling people (correctly) that they need to shut the hell up. "We shouldn't even be talking to the refs. We have to go out there and play. The Cavs are the best team in the league, so we need to go out and play. Until guys understand that, we're going to be going through this." Pretty much, yeah.

Note: After this game, the Hawks have four more in a row at home. (They had only five road games on their March schedule.) So look for them to win three or four of those games, after which I'm sure I'll be hearing more noise from the Atlanta faithful.

Mike Brown, unintentionally dirty quote machine: From Tom: "Not sure if this gem made it into the national media; I stumbled upon it on Cavs.com: 'We did a nice job contesting shots and, on our backside, protecting one another, sinking the bodies, feeling the bodies and not allowing them to get a ton of drives.'" This...quote wasn't about a group experience in a Mexican jail, was it?

The Charlotte Bobcats: A 25-point home loss to the Pacers? Really?! It's kind of hard to believe this is a team fighting to make the playoffs. No wonder their fans were booing them, particularly during the third quarter, when they shto 3-for-19. But it wasn't just lethargic offense. Jarrett Jack blasted them with 31 points -- 2 points off his career-high -- on nearly perfect 13-for-14 shooting. And mind you, he sat out most of the fourth quarter.

Raymond Felton: He was the poor lad victimized by Jack's scoring onslaught. But does he feel bad about how his defense pretty much cost his team the game? Of course not. "You can't guard nobody who shoots 13-for-14 from the field. He was hitting everything: threes, mid-range, get to the basket. It was tough. He had a great game tonight." Sigh.

The New York Knicks: They played better against the Magic in Orland than they did against the Kings at home, but the outcome was the same: A loss. Their fourth straight, which kind of jams a dagger in the heart of their playoff hopes. Said Nate Robinson: "We've got to go 13-0 if we want to win and make it to the playoffs. But anything is possible." Yeah. Anything except that.

Larry Hughes: According to the AP recap: "Larry Hughes left the game in the second quarter with a jammed left big toe but said it was not serious." Whew! Thank GOD it's not serious.

The Memphis Grizzlies: An 18-point home loss to the Celtics isn't so unbelievable. What is a little wacky is how it happened: Via a career-high 24 points on 8-of-11 shooting from Glen "Big Baby" Davis. I mean, Baby, he, he just, he owned the Grizzlies. Owned 'em. Think about that.

Darko Milicic: Welcome to Big Baby's poster, Darko.


You know what's really sad? I would absolutely and without hesitation want Davis on my team over Darko. Not even a question.

The Chicago Bulls: In my experience, when something seems like it's too good to be true, it usually is. Such was the 14-point halftime lead the Bulls had over the Lakers on Saturday night. The capper to Chicago's strong first half was this buzzer-beating three by John Salmons to end the second quarter. As soon as that shot went down, I thought to myself: "They Bulls CANNOT play any better than that in the second half." And it turned out that I was right.

Painfully so. Chicago developed a terminal case of butter fingers and committed turnover after turnover -- they finished with 23 -- and the Lakers took advantage, scoring 27 points off those miscues. L.A. had trimmed that 14-point lead to six (87-81) by the start of the fourth quarter and then the wheels came off completely. Joakim Noah got called for a three-second violation on Chicago's first possession. Less than a minute later, Sasha Vujacic stole a pass from Kirk Hinrich. A little over a minute after that, Lamar Odom intercepted Derrick Rose. Luke Walton stole Ben Gordon's pass on the Bulls' next possession. A little while later, Ben Gordon was called for traveling. Rose lost the ball (to Jordan Farmar) on the next possession. Then Brad Miller had a pass swiped by Odom.

The next thing you know, the Lakers had ripped off a 21-6 run to open the quarter…all while Kobe Bryant (28 points, a game-high 7 assists and a game-high 5 steals) was watching from the bench. And L.A. never looked back. Said Rose: “We were turning the ball over and when you do that in this league, anyone will beat you.” Especially when that “anyone” is (depending on whom you ask) the first or second-best team in the league.

Ben Gordon: Nobody on the Bulls was more careless with the ball than Gordon, who lost the rock seven times while shooting 5-for-14 and missing six of his eight three-point attempts. It's not really BG's fault, though. I stat cursed him at By the Horns on Friday. Sorry 'bout that, Ben.

The Milwaukee Bucks: Another team "fighting" for that eighth and final playoff spot in the East. Only, after their 96-84 home loss to the Trail Blazers -- which featured the Vanilla Godzilla chasing down Ramon Sessions and stuffing Ramon's fast break layup attempt -- Milwaukee has dropped 11 of 15. Worse yet, this was the final game of their season-high six-game home stand...and they finished two up and four down. They're only a game and a half behind the Bulls, but I'd say it's probably safe to stick a fork in them. (And if I end up stat cursing the Bulls by saying this, I promise to drink a full bottle of some industrial cleaning solution.)

The Washington Wizards Generals: Okay, so get this: The Suns put some defense clamps on the Generals in their 128-96 win. I am not kidding. Said Antawn Jamison: "They put a zone on us and we acted like we've never seen a zone before in our lives. Once we didn't play well against their zone, we let it affect the way we got back defensively." Huh. I guess that's why Phoenix shot 55 percent from the field and on three-pointers. Oh, and Basketbawful reader Timbo was kind enough to send in photographic evidence of Washington's _efense:

good defense
That's call "spectating," not "defending."

Shaq, quote machine: On passing Moses Malone to become the number five scorer in NBA history, 4,008 points behind Wilt Chamberlain: "It was good, but I'm still kind of disappointed in myself. Mathematically, I've missed three years worth of games and I missed 5,000 free throws. If I was there, I'd probably be No. 2 or No. 3 right now. It shows I've been consistent at what I've been doing and the next guy is my illegitimate father -- Wilt Chamberlain -- so just like in Star Wars, hopefully I can catch up to my father." The interesting thing is, if Wilt's number of sexual conquests is correct, he could very well be the Shaq daddy of the Shaq Daddy. Which brings up another point: With all the many kids by multiple baby mamas that have been produced by the likes of Calvin Murphy and Shawn Kemp, the fact that Wilt didn't accidentally produce dozens of little Wilts stands alongside the 100-point game and the 50 PPG season in his personal pantheon of great accomplishments. Memo to today's NBA players: If Wilt could wrap it, so can you.

But wait, there's more! Basketbawful reader Hellshocked noticed this quote...and a little more: "I'm not sure if you caught this quote by Shaq, but I humbly believe it to be Worst of the Weekend material. The article is dated March 21st and in it Shaq discusses how he could easily average 20-10 until he's 42 years old. Seeing how The Big Statistician is averaging 18 and 8.6 with great difficulty at the tender age of 37, I'd say even 10 and 5 is a stretch at 40."

And here is the quote of which Hellshocked speaks: "If I get one last deal then, yeah, [I could catch Wilt Chamberlain]. The way [head athletic trainer Aaron Nelson] has me feeling, I could average 20 and 10 until I'm 41 (or) 42. Easily." But he's not playing for the next contract or anything...

Steve Nash: Nothing bad, just a funny picture sent in by Basketbawful reader Janae. Hm. I bet I'd have already done a "Nash Face" post if the Suns would have actually won a title or two.

Steve Nash

Saturday lactivity report: Chris had a hot date with Sally Lacktion, and let's just say she put out.

Hawks-Cavs: With Mario West mistakenly pressing "Select" to procure an unwanted board against the Crabs, fellow Atlantan Solomon Jones wisely took up the slack and pressed A and B together for an 8-second Super Mario!

Pacers-Hornets: Roy Hibbert had an assist and a block in 7:45 as a starter, but a five-brick performance capped with a rejection led to a 3:0 Voskuhl via fouls! He wasn't the only big man to blandly barge in tonight, as despite three assists, Indiana teammate Rasho Nesterovic earned a slight Voskuhl of 4:3 in 12:10 (three fouls and a giveaway against one made field goal and one rebound).

Lakers-Bulls: Shannon Brown has become Phil Jackson's favorite method of getting mentioned in Nintendo Power Magazine, with a 33 second Mario this time around! Aaron Gray also showed his appreciation for Tetris with a 50-second Mario of his own.

Blazers-Bucks: Charlie Bell of Milwaukee's M.A.S.H. Unit rang up two bricks and two blocks against for a +4 suck differential in 9:37!

But the big news from this matchup was the bewildering bench performance from the elder statesman of the Association, Greg Oden. The declining reflexes of advanced age no doubt contributed to four giveaways in 9:26; such clumsy hands along with five whole fouls against one made field goal and three rebounds led to one of the largest Voskuhl matrixes of the season, at 9:5!
Sunday-001

Selective officiating: From Thom: "Please, please, PLEASE mention D-Wade's two 'blocks' at the end of ABC's Sunday Afternoon Pistons-Heat matchup. He hacked Afflalo on a three and absolutely raped Stuckey when he was driving to the basket. To top it off, he got free throws because he flopped on a jumper before those AND the ball went above the cylinder on Jermaine O'Neal's go-ahead put-back. That's a 9-POINT SWING. To top it off, they show the replay on the Stuckey drive and Breen mentions the amount of contact on the play, and Van Gundy just goes 'That's NBA basketball.' That tool bag complained about every foul the Pistons got. God, I hate watching the 'stons when they're on national tvl. I'm absolutely livid." Seriously, Pookie would have had to poke Stuckey in the eye to foul him any more than he did.


Of course, Wade didn't see it that way: "I told Stuckey on the way out of the timeout that I knew they were to do that—I know his tendencies. I stayed solid and didn’t get into his shot fakes, so I was able to get the block." Yeah, okay. I'll tell you one guy who felt there was contact: Pistons coach Michael Curry, who flipped out enough to get ejected. "We wanted Stuck to attack the basket, and that's what he did. I thought he was fouled on the play, and that's what I was complaining about." It was a fair complaint.

The San Antonio Spurs: Tony Parker didn't miss four free throws down the stretch, but the Spurs still lost their second straight loss at home and their third in four games overall. And the defeat was extra crippling as the Rockets took over the division lead as well as second place in the Western Conference. To twist the knife a little, the guy who really killed them was Luis Scola, who nearly had an Animal Style Double-Double (19 points and 17 rebounds) and scored 5 points -- including the go-ahead bucket -- in the final 30 seconds. Scola, you may remember, was the guy San Antonio pretty much gave away to save a little cash.

Luis Scola: Yeah, I know. He was Houston's POG and all that, but, as our good friend The Belgium Waffle noted in an email: "He was beaten by Matt Boner [sic] OFF THE DRIBBLE." That really shouldn't have happened unless Luis was asleep or had two broken legs.

The Fabulous Oberto: You know Chris is going to cover this in the lacktion report, but Tom of The Dream Shake wrote in to say: "Quick note: Fab Oberto got literally one second of playing time today, and put a trillion across the board. How awesome would it have been, though, if he had managed to have one of any statistic during that time frame?" It would have been totally awesome, because then John Hollinger might have had to explain why Fabby's PER jumped after a one-second stint.

Tracy McGrady: From the AP recap: "The Rockets have made their surge without McGrady, who had season-ending surgery on his left knee nearly a month ago. Since McGrady's last game on Feb. 9 -- when the Rockets were 4 1/2 games back of San Antonio -- Houston has won 16 of 20 and now trails only the Lakers in the West." All I can say is that if the Rockets make it out of the first round without Knee-Mac, it'll be sweet retribution for the way he jerked them around this season.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: Remember how I mentioned the 'Wolves were 3-16 since Al Jefferson was lost for the season? Make it 3-17 after their 97-90 home loss to the Thunder. And that final score is deceiving. Minny trailed by as many as 32 points and had to outscore the Thunder 37-13 in the fourth quarter to make it close. After the game, Kevin McHale called his team's effort "unacceptable." Added McHale: "I can give you 50 excuses. I can give you all kinds of stuff, but the bottom line is you've got to go out there and play."

The Los Angeles Clippers: From the AP recap: "The Raptors had lost nine of 10 coming in but had little difficulty handling the Clippers, leading by as many as 28 in a runaway fourth quarter. Toronto collected a season-high 57 rebounds while Los Angeles had only 34." Can the Clippers apply for federal disaster relief? They need it. They also need to fire coach Mike Dunleavy, who said: "I'm disappointed, I thought we got outworked. We shot 38 percent from the field and we got two offensive rebounds. That, to me, says we didn't battle well enough in the paint. Other than Zach Randolph, our starters couldn't really make shots." Forget those AIG bonuses, can't congress do something about Dunleavy? Amazingly, the Clips are only considering relieving him of GM duties.

CBS Sports headlines: From Cam: "I just want to bring your attention to this CBS Sports Headline: 'Bosh puts up double-double; Raptors continue to surge.' This 'surge' includes one win in a row against the Clippers after losing 8 of 9 coming into it." Yeah, but to be fair that really IS a surge for the Craptors. It's all relative, you know?

The Golden State Warriors: It was the best of times, it was worst of times. On Friday, the Warriors shot a season-best 56.5 percent against the Sixers. On Sunday, they shot 30 percent in the first half and 39 for the game. The Hornets went up by as many as 23 in the third quarter and were up by double-digits for most of the fourth before Golden State pulled off one of those classic "let's make it look like the game was closer than it really was" runs in the last couple minutes. Said Stephen Jackson: "We waited to play too late. You can't wait and play too late against a good team like that. They kept us out of the game." That's veteran savvy right there.

The Sacramento Kings: With the East Coast Monkey finally off their back thanks to that Friday night win over the Knicks in New York, the Kings reverted to form at home against the Sixers, falling behind 35-17 in the first quarter. They made a run of sorts in the fourth but never got any closer than 11. As a result, Sacramento finished the season 1-29 against the Eastern Conference. The Clippers had the previous worst interconference record at 1-21 in 1986-87. Yes, that's right: The Kings outsucked the Clippers in an All-Time category. HISTORICAL FAIL. Said Jason Thompson: "I don't think because we finally won a game against the East that we got comfortable. I just don't think we had that same edge and energy that we had on the road." That makes no sense. But whatever. By the way, Philly shot nearly 60 percent from the field. Hand in the face anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Mickey Perry, unintentionally dirty quote machine: I got this email from Yiping, a faithful reader from Singapore: "I know Basketbawful is an NBA blog, but you have highlighted some March Madness stuff in the past couple of days. I think this is the best one-liner unintentional dirty quote that I've ever read so far. This one's from this CNNSI.com article from the Kansas-Dayton game. The quote is from Mickey Perry of Dayton, talking about Cole Aldrich and his triple-double: 'He's just so big down there.' First thing that came to my mind was: I have to email this to Basketbawful. I hope you enjoyed this one-liner as much as I did." Yes, yes, I did.

Dwyane Wade's "Irish": Received this nomination from Ishlifyhead from Manila: "This article from Ira Winderman just reeks of all kinds of dirty. It's a bit late but still worth a read. From the title 'Wade doesn't get his Irish up' to 'guard Daequan Cook returning after missing two games following oral surgery, Cook took a blow to the left side of his face at the end of Tuesday's practice from forward James Jones that again put his availability in question. Cook ended the session with an ice pack wrapped about his left cheek.' I'll leave it up to you to further comment. I'm still pretty shocked and speechless about how the Heat hold their practice. I don't know who to nominate. Should it be Winderman for the title? Wade for not getting his Irish up? Cook for having oral surgery and taking the blow? Or Jones for giving the blow? Screw it. Maybe you can nominate all of them." I'll go with Wade. If he wants to be MVP, he's GOT to do something about his Irish.

Sunday lacktivity report: Don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory. Stare at Chris's lacktion report instead.

Heat-Pistons: James Jones generically bricked from downtown for a +1 suck differential in 11:22, while teammate Jamaal Magloire negated a steal and block in 12:14 with a 3:0 Voskuhl via fouls and two bricks from the charity stripe!

Rockets-Spurs: Glen Hill climbed onto a foul and two bricks in 6:36 for a +3. But in a weekend of celebrating the greatest gray plastic electronic box to ever come from Japan, fellow San Antonio resident Fabricio Oberto may have topped the cake with a Pokemon Gold cartridge, as he expensively secured a 1-second SUPER MARIO!

Thunder-Wolves: Damien Wilkins may share the same first initial and last name as the more famous Dominique, but his elite skills come in the financial arena and not the contributory aspect of basketball, as evidenced by today's payout of 1.9 trillion.

Warriors-Hornets: Rob Kurz cued up a 2.7 trillion for Team Nellieball.

Sixers-Kings: Theo Ratliff's fame for his expiring contract reflects his fiscal aptitude, and tonight was no exception for this human victory cigar's reputation with a 2.45 trillion given to Philadelphia. Meanwhile, Calvin Booth phoned in a 1.05 trillion.

Labels:

43 Comments:
Blogger chris said...
Shawn Bradley's birthday is today, so it has been commemorated through a montage of his being posterized again and again and again!

http://4thandfail.blogspot.com/2009/03/celebrating-birthday-of-nbas-human-anti.html

Blogger Junior said...
Oberto is like Carlos Arroyo, he plays for Argentina great, looks like a excelente center

but in the NBA is just a role player

many other foreing player do that, like Sergio Rodriguez, Delfino...

Blogger chris said...
And is it me, or are the Spurs trying to take the lead in team Super Marios just by their work this weekend!??!

Blogger Junior said...
"Cook for having oral surgery and taking the blow?"


that sounded unintentionally dirty

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Mr. Bawful, I just thought you should see this. I'm not really sure what to make of it.

I wanted to check in once again and see what the consensus is on Stephon Marbury. I know the guy hadn't played in over a year, but his complete lack of a contribution is really puzzling. The guy is averaging over 17 minutes per game in the 12 games since he joined the Celtics, and yet he's only scored more than 4 points in a game twice (8 in his first game against Indiana and 9 in a win against Memphis a week and a half ago). He's averaging less than 3 points and 3 assists a game and is shooting only 30% from the field. Is it still just rust or did the guy really just quickly race past his prime while he sat on the shelf? If he keeps this up not only will he have major trouble getting an NBA contract this summer, but it's possible even Europe won't want him.

You're dead on with the mention of how much the Spurs could have used Luis Scola. Can you imagine how good San Antonio would be if they hadn't given away Scola and Beno Udrih? They'd actually have some youth and athleticism if they had those guys, not to mention some depth. But they don't, and instead I don't really consider them a serious threat to win anything this year. Speaking of the Spurs, regarding those six straight missed FTs to end the Celtics game the other day, check out this quote from Celticsblog: "the chance of two exactly 80 percent foul shooters missing six straight shots between them at random is one in 15,625. Michael Finley shoots 80.9 percent and Tony Parker 80.2 percent this season, so the chances were even a bit slimmer than that."

Why is it the Pacers are having such trouble attracting people to their games? Is it cause the team isn't that good? I never pegged Indiana basketball fans as frontrunners like that. Is it just that the economy is so bad in that section of the country that people can't afford to go? If so, maybe they should consider changing the pricing structure the way the Timberwolves are, and offer $5 seats next season.

You make a really interesting point about Wilt Chamberlain and how he didn't leave a small village of children behind him. I don't know if he had any kids. Maybe he was sterile? Also, I think of his individual game records, the 100 point game is not as impressive as the 55 rebound game he had. That's a record which will never even come close to being broken. Kobe scored 81% of the 100 points Wilt had in a game, so for someone to get 81% of the 55 rebounds Wilt had in that one game it would mean someone would have to have over 44 rebounds. Over on Basketball-Reference.com they list the top rebounding efforts in individual games going back to 1985, and since then players have only recorded more than 30 rebounds in a game 12 times, with the high total being 35 by Charles Oakley in 1988. There's no way anyone's ever getting anywhere close to Wilt's 55 boards in a single game. I seriously doubt you'll ever again see anyone get 55 boards total in two consecutive games (though Oakley did follow up that 35 rebound game with a 21 rebound game back in 88 to finish with 56 boards in two games).

Blogger Wild Yams said...
One other thing, regarding Atlanta's remaining home games - their home court prowess will really be tested as their remaining home games are against: Minnesota, San Antonio, Boston, the Lakers, Orlando, Indiana and Miami. If they put together another 7 straight home wins, I'll really be impressed.

Blogger Rubes said...
I want to nominate Tim Legler who two weeks ago said the rockets were going to miss out on the playoffs with mcgrady gone for the season. "The Rockets may surprise us all and continue to win consistently with their stellar defense and collection of hard-nosed role players, but my bet is that they will come up just short." Good guess Timmy, but they are now #2 in the west. Does ESPN seriously pay these people for NBA knowledge?

For his whole thrilling analysis
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/dailydime?page=dime-090224

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I've had this wilt conversation before. Let's take his 20,000 number at face value. We will be generous and say he wore protection half the time. Conservatively, there are 3 dangerous days in a woman's cycle, so 3/30 - that is 2,000 possible conceptions. Let's say things took 1/5th of the time - 400 possible pregnancies. If he was prolific for 30 years, that's 13 kids a year. Conclusion: If you were born to a single mother in an NBA city from 1955-1985 and you are almost 7 feet tall, there is like a 95% chance Wilt is your father.

Anonymous dunkside said...
@ Thom and whoever else is whining about Wade's defense: gimme a break. The block on the 3 pointer was CLEAN. The previous block on the drive by I don't remember which Piston was also clean.

I give you that the JO put-back might have been offensive interference (but I have a beef with that rule - it should be removed so it forces defenders to properly box out to avoid offensive rebounders from making sure every shot stays in the basket).

I also agree there was contact on the Stuc-key play of the game, so to speak. However this was possible because Stuckey brought the ball between him and Wade, did not protect it correctly and did not create the separation. If a center gets the ball and lowers it at his waist level, it's fair game for the G to take it. And sometimes it looks like someone might rip the ball and a finger or 2 and still nothing would be called.

Of course that if that was Wade driving and Stuckey defending Wade's odds of getting a foul called would have been greater, but that's not Wade's fault.

One last thing: you could see it in Stuckey's eyes and demeanor immediately after that he himself wasn't that sure there was a foul. At least that's how it looked to me.

Blogger chris said...
That Mike Brown quote...couple that with the recent crustacean team photo...yikes!

Anonymous hellshocked said...
Wild Yams: I've watched a few of the post-Marbury Celtic games (none in the past few days), and things really don't seem to be going well. His lack of contribution isn't as alarming to me as the way the team seems to be freezing him out on the court. Not only does he not get the ball when he's open but sometimes he doesn't even get to walk it up-court. I've seen everyone from Paul Pierce to that most magnificent of ballhandlers Eddie House bringing the ball up court repeatedly when Marbury is completely open, thus rendering him entirely useless.

They seem to be using him as little more than a 5th body out there so they don't have to technically play 4 on 5. Beyond his not having played in ages, beyond his conditioning, and beyond his being out of synch with the rest of the squad, his teammates just don't seem to trust him and it hasn't improved much to at all since the signing.

Rubes: As someone who likes the Rockets I'm actually worried about the way they beat San Antonio. If I recall, they won the game with Yao shooting 6-8 and Artest going 8-20 (a very good night for him) I'm concerned Ron-Ron is gonna get it in his head that the Rockets' chances of winning are directly proportional to the amount of long, off balance, grind-the-offense-to-a-screeching-halt jumpers he takes.

Mr. Bawful: I realize it's a bit early for worst of the season recognitions, but I would like to nominate Kobe Bryant for a Golden Eunuch Award due to his completely blowing the Big Balls Dance not once, but twice thus far. Few things have made me happier, especially since the second time was against Utah and was actually being broadcast down here.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Sally Lacktion is a slut.

Also, Anonymous, that's the most brilliant mathematical deduction ever.

Blogger anne said...
Hey Bawful, Larry Hughes is SO who we thought he was... he can't even tip after partying with some girls, lol.

http://www.nypost.com/seven/03222009/gossip/pagesix/personal_fouls_160745.htm

Anonymous BettorFan said...
When will it be the Knicks year? How many times do I have to walk down the streets in shame? Come on Knicks!

Blogger Austen said...
Here's an additional Worst of the Night:

Carlos Boozer, beloved teammate - Late in the 3rd Quarter of Friday Night's Jazz-Thunder game, a Thunder player went up for a jumper that bounced off the rim...and then bounced right off Boozer's shoulder while he watched it bounce out-of-bounds. Apparently, Williams (who had run after the ball from the other sid e of the Wing) decided he had had enough of Boozer's lazy attitude. Slamming the ball on the floor, he shot a few choice words at Boozer and proceeded to storm off to the bench to cool down (it was a timeout) while Boozer just stood there stunned.

Unfortunately, I cannot find a video of this momentous event.

Anonymous sea_mole said...
I watched the end of the Miami/Detroit game on Sunday and SVG made a comment that may need to be added to the WotN. Detroit was down with about 20 seconds left and they asked SVG's opinion as a coach what he would do. He said some stuff, including that he "would not have Herrman on the floor." Well, ten seconds later, Herrman hits a three in the corner to give the Pistons the lead! He did own up to it by saying "how wrong was I?", but seriously, how wrong was he!? The only way he could have been more wrong was if he thought Detroit should have trotted out only four players or something.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
hellshocked, I don't know how much blame Kobe really deserves for doing the BBD before his team went on to lose two games. After all, in that San Antonio game that he did it in, he'd just hit what would have been a game-deciding dagger three pointer, if not for the combination of awful defense by Derek Fisher and a couple suspicious calls by the officials. In the Utah game he definitely was celebrating prematurely, hitting that shot to give LA a one point lead with 90 seconds remaining, but I'm sure he's not the only guy this year to do a little celebrating heading into a timeout after hitting a big shot. I know he's Kobe and so he's widely hated and all, but IMO neither of these incidents really rank up there in terms of his all time villainous feats. It's especially odd to suddenly randomly reference something like this, given that it happened six weeks ago.

BettorFan, I'm guessing you'll probably have to wait at least till the 2010-2011 season before the Knicks are respectable again. They gutted the team to make cap room for next summer, so you can't expect them to be any good this year or next. But look at it this way: they weren't any good the last half dozen years or so, but at least now they have some glimmer of hope on the horizon. Before they were just in the process of digging a huge hole even deeper with each move they made. For the first time in almost a decade for Knicks fans, the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train.

Anonymous Stotts Era said...
Something about this is definitely 'bawful, I'm not sure which part though. found on ball don't lie

yotube action:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTxGmqdntwo&feature=player_embedded

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Nice Enter the Dragon reference,

I exercised my right as a dutiful citizen to update the wiki-page to include Williams' most famous quote.

It's the second quote under Williams' name.

Anonymous hellshocked said...
Wild Yams: I know at least one other player did it this year, but Kobe is the only one who did it twice. As for the seemingly random reference: "Major League II" was on TV last night which reminded me of how much I hate the BBD, period. It's crass, needless and I'm always ecstatic when it goes wrong, particularly when my team (Utah) reaps the benefits.

Something about Kobe Bryant, universally renowed as one of the two or three best players in the NBA, one of its top clutch performers etc etc etc doing it is just all the more contemptuous in my eyes.

Blogger Shiv said...
No worst of Kobe? Aww....

Anonymous Al James said...
@dunkside

Regardless,Wade catching the loose ball out of bounds should of been called. The block on Afflalo was clean-ish. I wouldn't have called a foul myself, but then again I wouldn't have called a shooting foul on Stuckey when the same thing happened to Wade on the previous play. All these calls could of gone either way and since they all involved Wade they went his. Besides, the Pistons need all the W's they can muster before Iverson returns.

Blogger Thom said...
@Dunkside: It's ridiculous to say Afflalo wasn't fouled. Sure, Wade got SOME ball, but he also hit arm and KNOCKED HIM OVER. Seriously, if Wade was on the other end of that, it's a foul, guaranteed (which, considering the Stuckey "foul" and the Afflalo hand-tap foul, isn't really disputable). Don't even try to say that Stuckey wasn't fouled. That's absolutely ridiculous considering the obvious contact, and, as previously stated, would for sure have been a foul if Stuckey had done it to Wade.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
I mean we're debating whether it was a block or a foul but these were two damn good plays. Can we agree on that? Thats two ego-ectomies in the 4th Q

Blogger Basketbawful said...
chris -- You know, Bradley once had 28 points, 22 boards and 9 blocks. And he once finished with 23 points, 22 boards and 5 blocks. He also once compiled 22, 22 and 13. Plus, 10 of the 18 10-block games that have happened since 1986-87 were recorded by Bradley, which makes him tied with Hakeem Olajuwon and The Admiral, and he trails only Dikembe Mutumbo and Manute Bol. But he will forever be known as the Human Poster Maker.

Junior -- Yep. It's a big leap to the NBA. Not everybody makes it.

chris -- It's suspicious. Is Popovich reading Basketbawful?

Junior -- Or maybe even intentionally?

Wild Yams -- It's so bad. Not that I'm into PER, as everyone knows, but still, it does provide a very general measure of a players relative productivity in the box score. And Starbury's PER is currently...0.7. seriously. I mean, a PER below ONE?! Dear God.

As for the Pacers, I can tell you the seats are already really, really cheap. The problem is the team lost the support of the city during the Post-Brawl Era, when their players kept getting involved in shootings and bar fights and murder investigations and assault cases and so on. Being an Indiana native, I can tell you that Indianapolis is the smallest big city you're ever likely to not visit. Seriously, they have that backward hick town mentality where once everybody knows your dirty laundry, you're blacklisted for good.

I'd have to agree about Wilt's 55-board game.

Oh, and as for Atlanta's remaining home schedule, you're right, that'll be a telling stretch. But again, for my money, they have more to prove on the road than at home.

Rubes -- Wow. I guess that mistakes happen, I've certainly made my share of them, but it was pretty obvious well before Knee-Mac went down for the season that he wasn't contributing much to Houston's cause and that the team seemed better without him (this season at least). So I'm not sure what kind of hash Legler was smoking...but I'd want some. You know, for medicinal purposes.

Anonymous -- I'm not sure about that math, but what I am sure about is that nobody has ever come forward to claim they had a child by Wilt, which I find to be absolutely amazing considering how often he laid the pipe, even if it wasn't 20,000 times. I mean, you'd think SOMEBODY would have come forward if they were Wilt's kid. But nothing. How'd he do it? Well, he was careful. Which goes to show that it can certainly be done.

dunkside -- To me, it doesn't matter how it gets broken down. What matters is that there was contact that clearly impeded Stuckey's ability to score, and that should have been a foul. We've all seen less contact result in FTs, including in that very game. Which is why the entry was under "selective officiating."

hellshocked -- Okay, you officially made me shudder thinking about compiling this season's Worsties. Thanks for that. And while the BBD will probably get an entry, it won't be Kobe-specific...although he will be the biggest example.

AnacondaHL -- So says the man whose alias conjures the mental image of a giant, slithering snake...

anne -- Oh, nice! That will definitely end up on tomorrow's WotN. Of course, I'm not sure I'd want to come into contact with $$ that passed through Larry's hands. I might start chucking basketballs as soon as I touched them. By the way, Second Round Virgin? Inspired.

BettorFan -- As Wild Yams pointed out, the team is in Wait 'Til Next Years mode. D'Antoni's job is to put out an interesting, fun-to-watch product to tide Knicks fans over until they can nab a bigtime free agent. And if they don't...well...

Austen -- Crap, I missed that. NEED. VIDEO.

sea_mole -- I guess JVG didn't realize that, with all the injuries, Fabio was one of the best outside shooters the Pistons had left.

Stotts Era -- I see this stuff and fall back in man love with Shaq. I'm sure next week he'll do something to piss me off again. Why must he tease me so?

AK Dave -- Oh, you were so right to add tha quote. You've earned some bonus Bawful Bucks.

Shiv -- I gotta be honest, I just couldn't come up with a good daily Kobe today. I might still update tho'...

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
Basketbawful said...
brad -- First, yeah, I'm really interested to see how the Heat do this year. On the one hand, they're still pretty week at center and off the bench. However, with Wade, Marion and Beasley, they should be much improved from last year's 15-win squad. Plus, D-Wade was on fire during the Olympics. I hope it carries over. (Although he's dropping the ball a lot in the preseason...).

Second, I don't get, as in, I REALLY don't get, why the Bulls selected Rose over Beasley. I mean, yeah, they wanted the hometown kid with the potential to become a superstar, but the ONE thing they've been missing the last three seasons was an inside scorer. They had the other pieces. Now they have a glut of guards and (yet again) no inside presence. Maybe Rose will prove me wrong down the road, but the Bulls lost out in the short term.


How you feeling about that comment now, McHale?

(I got it from the Dantley comments)

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Buck Nasty -- Well, the Heat were so weak at center this season that they traded for Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal, and their bench still doesn't impress me (they had to move Beasley there just so it looks like they have one). But they're gonna finish with around 45 wins, which would be a 30-game improvemenet...so I think that they are, indeed, much better.

OH. You meant about Derrick Rose.

Here's the thing with that situation. My assumption was that Paxson was, as he claimed to be, still determined to build around the core group of guys he had assembled. Clearly, that plan has been tossed onto the scrap heap. They might not re-sign Ben Gordon, they tried to dump Hinrich's contract and I would be willing to bet that if Paxson could trade Luol Deng for Wally Szczerbiak's expiring contract RIGHT NOW he'd do it.

So the team is being rebuilt on the fly around Derrick Rose. And I'm hip with that. Particularly since John Salmons is looking really good. Seriously, he's a LOT better than Deng.

But anyway, that former core needed a post player, and Beasley could have been that guy. Trouble is, we needed him back in, like, 2006-07. I didn't realize it was far too late to hold onto that old vision. I just didn't see that right away.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@dunkside:

i couldn´s see wade fouling stuckey as well

because i flew so high with my wade-love-powered spaceshuttle

Anonymous Dr J said...
@ Junior

Sergio Rodriguez is worse than a role player for the Spanish National Team.
He played some good matches in 2006 (before he got to the NBA), he played awful in 2007 and he was not even chosen to play in the Olympics.

Sergio should quickly go back to Spain if he doesn't want to be an eternal human victory cigar...

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: Salmons's trillionaire championship alone was more of a resume than what Deng has.

Then again, another successful trillionaire champ is Bruce Bowen.

So does that mean that this year's trillionaire champ will be a truly successful (and not in a lacktive sort of way) baller in 3-4 years, if this trend holds?

Although Jud Buechler didn't exactly have a breakout year to prove this theory correct...

Anonymous kazam92 said...
http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1153359/1/index.htm

random but nice article on Lamar Odom. I'd be crazy too under these circumstances

(Word Verification: vagiest)

Blogger BadDave said...
I'm going to piss in the soup and worry that Salmon is having a breakout partial season. Will he be able to keep up this performance?

My honest take is....mostly. I think the Bulls' style behooves him, and he likes the team fit right now. But I don't know if he'll continue to be the significant presence he has been. I hope so.

Anonymous tony.bluntana said...
holy crap, Greg Oden! That's my boy... er... grandpa! Well, I guess his decrepid old bones are too much for my fantasy-curse. There's nothing I can do for you now, Greg.

Blogger anne said...
Bawful, unfortunately I can't take credit for the Second Round Virgin, although I wish I could. I stole it off another site that Skeets had linked to the other day on BDL.

BTW, I'm currently watching the Memphis/Miami "game". Believe it or not, Adriana Lima is there. Currently Marko Jaric has a 7 trillion at halftime. Coincidence?

Blogger Junior said...
Anyone saw Shaq tweet yesterday about the Villanueva-Skilles-Twitter thing?

that's definely WotN worthy

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
kazam: That's the first captcha that's made me laugh out loud since I got "yourmsom"

Anonymous Jamie said...
Alex Loeb commentating on the ESPN recap of the Spurs/Rockets game, after Parker hits a layup... "straight to the hole for the bucket. 22 points and 12 assists on the night for Longoria"

Classic!

Anonymous Jon said...
Those wade calls and the subsequent "analysis" gave me a whole Richard Nixon "When the president does it it's not illegal" vibe

Anonymous moloh said...
Mr. Bawful, a funny story about how one of your Toronto readers almost attended the Toronto-LA game this past Sunday *shudder*:

My university alumni association has a deal for discounted tickets to selected Raptors games. About two weeks ago, I looked thru the list of available games to see if anything good was coming up, and noticed "Toronto-Los Angeles" on the list. Thinking that 20% off was a great price to see ShowTime! and 81 Points, I quickly called a friend -- who is the biggest Kobe fan on the planet (I try not to hold that against him) -- to see if he wanted to go. He said probably yes but needed a day to think about it since he was short of cash these days.

The next day, I'm about to call to follow up when I decide to first check that the game isn't sold out yet. After all, ShowTime! always sells out. (I suppose if I were smarter that I would've realized that teams that consistently sell out don't need to offer discounted tickets to alumni associations.) Anyway, I'm checking ticket availability when I realize that the advertised "Toronto-LA" game is actually Craptors-Clippers -- a game not even a mother could love since one team has to win.

I call my friend: "Never mind. It's the ~other~ LA team. Ugh. :("

* long pause *

"Can you imagine if we had gone and I was wearing my Kobe jersey?"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
How can you post that "He was a good horse" line from George Karl without the (un?)intentionally dirty next line - "He was a guy you could ride and feel really good about."

Anonymous pratt said...
just about to leave the same comment about George Karl quote as guy above me. classic unintentional dirty quote machine

Anonymous Ruben said...
haha, by saying you would choose Big Baby over Darko, you stat curse Glen Davis into a 1-11 shooting night, while Darko went 4-8 in a good impression of a decent back-up centre.

I don't disagree with your assessment though.

P.S. Will "Good Horse" become J.R's new nickname? (Today, Karl couldn't ride him and feel good about it.)

Blogger chris said...
moloh: Hey, I watched Kings-Clippers solely for comedy value, so you could have witnessed a Voskuhl or two here or there for permanent brain numbness.

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