"This particular ball club right now, I have to be assertive, and if the ball doesn't go in, it gives us a good rebounding opportunity, which we were able to get tonight. Guys went to the glass even on my misses and we got some good looks off of my misses."So...his 25 missed shots were actually rebounding opportunities for his teammates? Right. And every time I throw a half-eaten sandwich in the trash, that's really just an eating opportunity for some homeless guy. Based on this Bizarro World logic, I propose that the NBA should adopt a new stat category: The Kobe Bryant Assist. Players would recieve one KBA for each missed shot that results in an offensive rebound for a teammate. Man, guys like Allen Iverson and Antione Walker are gonna love this idea.
"Tony has the privilege to give cops shit. He's dating Eva Longoria, whom I would BREAK. Damn French pansy -- go get a hairy Eurotrash girl and quit stealing the hot immigrants that I, as a middle class white guy, crave."Well said, Dave.
Morbid Curiosity: watching Shaq use speed and finesse to score from the perimeter on this guy could be a bigger exercise in futility than the dog licking peanut butter off its nose.
Downside: Manny could quite possibly be the second most confused black man in the country .
Upside: Has the courtesy to wear tights underneath his Sumo diaper. Kobe-style.
Why Shaq Would Kick His Ass: Lost to Hulk Hogan in under a minute at Wrestlemania 9; proof that Yokozuna has huge problems with inarticulate, slow moving egomaniacs. Was subsequently tagged as a marshmallowy wuss, something Shaq has no shortage of experience with. Oh, and he's dead.
Shaq Who?: E. Honda's typical opponent can either fly, teleport or shoot a fireball at his head . Shaq may be a master of Shaq Fu, but Mehmet Okur's quickness gives him fits. After fending off a hurricane kick from a hot ass-kicking Chinese chick with ridiculous hips , E. Honda observes Shaq's glacier-like drop step and sighs in boredom.
Sweet Redemption for Kobe: Probably the most horrifying match finisher since Jake "The Snake" Roberts's python, Rikishi rubs his bare, sweaty ass in the face of his defeated opponent.
Highly unlikely. We all know Shawn Kemp has been out of the league since 2003.
Thank you, Suzy. Even though you were reporting a college football game, you still have a spot waiting for you in the Basketbawful Hall of Shame.
"Was that one of the more gratifying dumps you've had?"
For this is the job of David, Shag, Hakeem, and the Worm...then hello Dolph Lundgren, and thank you for visiting my blog.
and many, many others who are willing to squirm
who are willing to push, to jump and to fight
who are willing to take the bet, though they may not right
Reason number 8402 I love eBay: for only $39.95 you can buy a basketball skills video starring Brian Scalabrine! Now you too can learn the dark secrets of how to play basketball from a man with career averages of 3.9 PPG (on 39 percent shooting), 2.9 RPG, and 1.0 APG. Yes! And just in time for the Christmas season!
Pay close attention to the video's highlights: "Improve your ball handling" and "Learn the secrets behind the step-back shot." I'm not tryin to be overly negative here, but let's just say I have my doubts. As far as I can remember, the only things Brian is good at are injuries, bad hair, and an utter lack of anything remotely resembling a pro game.
To me, the best part about this isn't that the "suggested retail price" is almost $70, or even that Sterling Athletics chose one of the worst pro players this side of Greg Dreiling to teach us how to play basketball, it's that they chose Brian's worst statistical season (1.9 PPG, 1.1 RPG) to make this video. Not that those numbers represent much of a drop off. It's like comparing vomit to poop: neither option is very attractive.
Funtastic Extra: The auction provides a brief career bio on Scalabrine (like it could be anything other than "brief"), and the main highlight mentioned is: In 2005, Scalabrine signed a five year contract with the Boston Celtics. It's pretty sad when the best thing they can say about you as a professional athlete is that you snookered some poor team into signing you for five years.