Mario

Mario (mar'-e-o') noun. Denotes those occasions in which a player logs less than one minute of playing time and therefore fails to compile any meaningful statistics.

Usage example: Not surprisingly, Mario West was the 2007-08 league leader in Marios.

Word history: The word was coined yesterday -- May 5, 2008 -- by an anonymous reader who couldn't help but notice my season-long quest to point out Mario West's many sub-minute performances. "I think a trillion that doesn't even make it to the one minute mark should be officially nicknamed a 'Mario.' Trillions may be embarrassing, but a Mario makes you wish you became a car salesman."

The suggestion was absolutely brilliant, and sure beat the unofficial "sub-minute men" designation I had been using.

Additional information: Poor Mario. The guy appeared in 64 regular season games and averaged around four minutes per. He saw so little PT that there are only two pictures of him on his Yahoo profile page...and both of those photos show him on the bench sporting crisp, clean warmups.

Of those 64 games, he played less than one minute in 20 of them. Of those 20 games, he played 10 seconds or less in 11 of them, including games of 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds (three times), 5 seconds, 6 seconds, 8 seconds (twice), 9 seconds, and 10 seconds.

Mario Also appear in six of the Hawks' seven playoff games. He somehow managed to average exactly one minute per game, with games of 03:20, 00:31, 00:09, 00:20, 00:03, and 01:36. You'll notice that most of his PT came in Games 1 and 7, the two biggest blowouts of the series.

All I can say is, that's some damned cruelty on the part of Atlanta coach Mike Woodson. Forget free Darko...free Mario!

Update! Basketbawful reader Phenomenal Cosmic Power provided more fan brilliance with the following braingasm: "Might I suggest that a <10-second game be called a SUPER MARIO!? And then, what if 2 or more players each logged a Super Mario? SUPER MARIO BROTHERS?!" All I can say is: Done and done.

More additional information: Mr. Cosmic Power has taken a real interest Mr. West. An unhealthy interest, perhaps? That's not for us to judge. "I felt a litte bad for our boy Mario, so I dug up some more stats that I hope will cheer him up!"

Hawks winning % when Mario logs:
DNP - 33%
Super Mario - 45%
Mario - 50%
No Mario - 48%
More than 10 minutes (a Wario?) - 67%

"Wow. Talk about a direct correlation between Mario's playing time and the Hawks winning! I kid you not. FREE MARIO!"

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19 Comments:
this is a great WOTD because it clearly can be used over and over again. i look forward to seeing it in future posts!

might i suggest for a <10 seconds game to be a SUPER MARIO!? and then, what if 2 or more players each logged a super mario. SUPER MARIO BROTHERS?!

Blogger cliChe said...
hmm Mario appeared in 64 games...coincidence? Not Everything Sucked in his Wii bit of playing time, at least he made it on Basketbawful.

Anonymous Shrugz said...
LOL I think Mike Woodson did it on purpose to make him appear in 64 games LOL

OpenID WhatUpThen said...
If he never gets enough PT, maybe they should just open up a roster spot and Fire Mario.

i felt a litte bad for our boy mario so i dug up some more stats that i hope will cheer him up!

Hawks winning % when Mario logs:
DNP - 33%
Super Mario - 45%
Mario - 50%
No Mario - 48%
More than 10 minutes (a Wario?) - 67%

wow talk about a direct correlation between mario's playing time and the hawks winning! i kid you not. FREE MARIO!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
For proper documentation, it's time to officially induct the "Isiah" as a word of the day, meaning "a front office or coaching action so indescribable, it only leads to stunned silence and a facepalm from witnesses of it."

Usage: "Sarver was pulling an Isiah by signing Marcus Banks" and "Is Chris Wallace trying to become the next Isiah?"

The sad part is how the usage already feels comfortable, and that his list of atrocities is so grand I can't even bring myself to post a link to his Wikipedia page.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Cosmic, you forgot the most important biased statistic: the Hawks are 100% with Mario as a starter!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
mario west is a better defender than half the losers you praise on your site.... dude is an undrafted walk on who made the team in camp because he defensively shut down everyone in camp. he didnt even have a scholarship to ga tech, he walked on there too!!! you should be praising this dude for the work ethic to make it this far without agents, nike, mcdonalds all american games, etc...he is just used for defensive purposes when you sub offense for defense at end of games. this dude is a local kid who made his hometown NBA team by the old fashioned way of blood, sweat, and tears.. let me be the first to say congrats mario for making the team and also for making $427,163 for minimal work... you can hate but mario is making almost half a mil to hang out and play basketball with his buddies..now that is the american dream.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I actually think he has a great job. I would gladly changes places to make coin & sit on the bench. My coworker says that the best job in the world is the 3rd string NFL quarterback. Get paid more than most of us schmoes, never have to take any hits. Just work out & hold a clipboard. I'm down for Mario. Sign me up. :)

Blogger eljpeman said...
Maybe we could extend the word usage to denote the number of seconds of lack-tion as "marios"? It seems that the word "seconds" doesn't cut it anymore.

Ex.
http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/boxscore;_ylt=AgpCSfeSoePKe7YAgut.ly.8vLYF?gid=2008050508
"Walter Herrmann recorded a trillion and 26 marios in Detroit's 100-93 win over Orlando."

Anonymous Don Paco said...
I suggest another Word of the Day: "Collins".

As in "doing a Collins". It's a more than due homage to the wonder twins of the NBA, Jason and Jarron, and their uncanny ability to log in huge minutes while scoring no points and having little other statistical impact.

Usage example: "Keith Bogans did a Collins last night for the Magic, by scoring no points, 3 rebounds and 1 assist in 26:36 minutes of lack-tion."

(A "Collins" is different from a "Rodman" or a "Brevin" - where you play a lot of minutes without scoring but still have some impact in game through boards or assists, etc.)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why is Amazon.com advertising a microbiology book on your blog?

Blogger Justin Sane said...
Your obsession with Mario Williams is becoming frightening, Cosmic.

Also, as Anonymous 2:50 writes, it appears that West might actually be a good player when he's given the chance. Poor guy. He's like the Frank Grimes of the NBA.

Blogger Andrei said...
Mike Brown, Doc Rivers...let the battle of wits begin...God help us all.

Anonymous andrew said...
Ahahah, LBJ was a rebound and an assist away from a quadruple bumble tonight.

Anonymous gebwel said...
LOL LOL LOL. i can't stop laughing reading the article and the witty comments about mario. you guys really made my day. keep'em coming

Blogger CassavaLeaf.com said...
Poor Mario LOL
but you have to admire the guy for trying
Imagine if he went to Stanford and studied
Comp Sci
he'd be Sergey West

Anonymous vince said...
for those who love to keep track of minutes:

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/players/4142/gamelog;_ylt=AuW47tyZ9N7dWC8Ir8_RZ1xgPaB4?year=2007

check how often brewer played exactly 2 quarters

Blogger chris said...
For the record, it's January 13th, and Mario West is on DAY TWO of a 10-day contract - and earned 12 minutes of playing time against the Washington Bullets!!!!

I just hope the Atlanta Spirit group that runs the team there will take a few minutes away from ignoring the needs of their Thrashers NHL team and remember to keep the overalled plumber as their lacktator of note.

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