Washington Wizards: They talked trash. They said they wanted Cleveland in the first round, that the Cavaliers couldn't defeat them three years in a row. They called LeBron overrated. They thugged the King at every available opportunity. End the end, they weren't just eliminated, they dropped the final game at home in a 105-88 blowout. The Wiz shot poorly (39 percent), had lousy ball movement (11 assists, 9 turnovers), and their defense was a joke: They let the Cavs shoot 50 percent, they forced only 6 turnovers, and Wally Szczerbiak hit 6 threes and scored a career playoff-high 26 points. Talk about going out with a whimper.
Antonio Daniels, quote machine: Regarding his team's third straight playoff ousting by the Cavaliers, Daniels said: "Three times in a row. It's tough. But who knows what happens if we have a healthy team? A healthy Gilbert Arenas? If we had Darius Songaila for Game 6 -- who knows what happens?" Okay, the Gilbert Arenas thing I understand...but does anybody think that Darius freaking Songaila could have prevented a blowout? Seriously?
Damon Jones: He's the current all-time record holder in trillions, with a 12 trillion in Game 1 of the 2007 NBA Finals. From that perspective, Friday's one trillion was pretty lame...but still worth mentioning.
Dominic McGuire: The Wizards might have lost Game 6 and gotten eliminated from the playoffs, but at least they countered Damon Jones with McGuire's one trillion. It was a moral victory.
Boston Celtics: I wasn't thrilled with the officiating in this game, especially the Hawks' 47-25 freethrow shooting advantage and the sequence in which Paul Pierce fouled out. But to be totally honest: It shouldn't have mattered. The Celtics never rose to the challenge in any of the three games they played in Atlanta. I can't remember a number one seed ever get challenged this effectively by a team that didn't even win 40 games, let alone that number one seed actually winning a championship. It was a great step for the maybe-up-and-coming Hawks, but a really bad sign for the Celtics' championship hopes.
Joe Johnson and Sam Cassell: Ooooo, tough guys. (From Odenized.)
Eddie House and Tony Allen: These guys got the Mario West treatment on Friday night: House played only 11 seconds and Allen played 9. And they really only got that PT because Boston needed three-point shooters at the end of the game.
Mario West: He played 3 seconds on Friday.
Houston Rockets: They finally got overwhelmed by the Jazz. If you think about it, though, it's sort of amazing they pushed the series to six games. The Rockets were, quite frankly, undermanned...especially after Rafer Alston went down (again). Dikembe Mutombo (2 points, 6 rebounds) looked really old, Shane Battier (5 points, 2-for-7) couldn't find the mark, Bobby Jackson (6 points, 2-for-12) shot like he was blinded by science, and Houston's youthful reserves -- Carl Landry (zero points, 0-for-2), Aaron Brooks (5 points, 0-for-5), Luther Head (zero points, 0-for-2) and Mike Harris (zero points, 0-for-0) -- gave the Rockets nothing off the bench.
Trady McGrady:That was one sad dude. And who could blame him. He had another great game -- 40 points, 10 rebounds, 5 assists -- but once again failed to make it out of the first round of the playoffs. Although, honestly, it was more a case of his team failing him and not the other way around.
Jarron Collins: He did his brother Jason proud by notching a two trillion against the Rockets on Friday. Oh, to be seven feet tall and talentless.
Dwight Howard: Superman played more like the Dazzler on Saturday. His 12 points and 8 rebounds were a far cry from the 20-20 games he was dropping on the Raptors. He also sounded awfully depressed after the Pistons got done blowing the Magic out. "I don't think I even looked up at the scoreboard for a while. It's disappointing." Well, yeah, it is...but I would have liked to hear a little more fire from Dwight after that ass-whoopin'.
Jameer Nelson and Maurice Evans: They had dull games -- a combined 11 points (5-for-11), 5 assists adn 5 turnovers -- and got eaten alive by Chauncey Billups (19 points, 7 assists) and Rip Hamilton (17 points, 7-for-14). I guess this series is going to be the point at which all my doomsaying about Orlando's backcourt is revealed as Truth.
Orlando's three-point shooting: The Magic live and die by the three, and on Saturday they definitely died: 2-for-15, including 0-for-4 from Rashard Lewis and 1-for-3 from Hedo Turkoglu. If they don't hit from beyond the arc, they don't win. Period.
Amir Johnson: He had a two trillion against the Magic. Damn, Amir. Even Walter Herrmann scored a point and committed 3 fouls. Fun fact: "Herrmann" literally means "Mr. Man."
Tim Duncan: After the way Timmah manhandled Shaq and the Suns in the first round, I was really starting to think he was some kind of basketballing super soldier. Kind of like Captain America, only taller, blacker, and Duncan facier. (Do you think Captain American made the googly eyes at Hitler? Hell no. He punched that Nazi bitch in the face. And I bet his fist tastes just like justice.) Anyway, Duncan got his lunch money stolen by Tyson Chandler. Not only did Tyson have a huge game -- 10 points, 15 rebounds, 3 blocked shots -- he helped put Timmy in a corner (5 points, 1-for-9, 3 rebounds). Duncan looked old and tired, but then, so did Kareem in Game 1 of the 1985 Finals. And Cap ended up winning the Finals MVP. I'm just sayin'.
Damon Stoudemire and Ime Udoka: They had identical statistical lines on Saturday: 1:47 of PT and nothing else. Hey guys...championship piggybacking is fun, isn't it?
Bruce Bowen: This guy is such an dick. He's about this close from surpassing Bill Laimbeer as the number one player all-time that everybody would like to punch in the face.
Reggie Miller, broadcasting savant: This is from Basketbawful reader Brandon. "Quouth the most: 'It gives Chris Paul another option offensively. You've got two shooters in Peterson and Stojakavic on opposite ends of the court.' I know what he's trying to say, but endline to endline is where the two baskets are. It sounds like he's saying one guy shoots for the other team. I wonder if this guy's trash-talking was just as incomprehensible. Seriously, was Cheryl the only one in the family who could talk without mangling the English language every 30 seconds?" I kind of think it all started when Michael Jordan mangled Reggie's face. I mean, everything's Michael Jordan's fault, right? Unless it's Tracy McGrady's fault.
Atlanta Hawks: Their plucky, can-do spirit got crushed in Boston. The Hawks shot 29 percent from the field and were more efficient in throwing the ball away (16 turnovers) than passing it (11 assists). Moreover, they just looked beaten -- and beaten badly -- by about the midpoint of the first quarter. I haven't seen that many stoney faces since Ben Grimm's family reunion. Yikes.
Atlanta's starters: Bad, bad, bad. Only Joe Johnson reached double figures (16 points, 5-for-17). The rest of them were ridiculously inept: Mike Bibby (2 points, 1-for-3), Al Horford (8 points, 3-for-12), Josh Smith (7 points, 3-for-11), Marvin Williams (7 points, 3-for-11). Way to bring it, guys. Oh, and hey, speaking of Williams...
Marvin Williams: Nothing like trying to kill somebody while your team is in the process of being completely destroyed. I don't think even Bill Laimbeer pulled anything like that.
Mike Woodson, quote machine: After his team got colon-blasted in Beantown, Woody said: "I wish we could have played all of our games in Atlanta." Well, that's just brilliant, coach! And I wish I could poop out solid gold bricks, but it just isn't in the cards. (Check that: I'd rather be able to just make them appear out of thin air; passing them through my intestines would probably be an excruciating process.)
Mario West: He played 1:36 in Game 7...thanks to the fact that it was a brutal blowout...which raised his MPG in the playoffs to exactly 1:00. That's right: He played seven minutes in seven games. Super Mario!
Kevin Garnett: He doesn't get a free pass just because he's on my all-time favorite basketball team. So KG: Please, no jersey-popping for barely escaping the first round against a 37-win team. Although looking at the picture again, maybe Kevin was desperately fighting against an alien symbiote that was trying to graft itself to his body. Or something. But at least he got in one last shot on Zaza Pachulia.
Utah Jazz: They put up a good fight, but man it looked like they had tired legs. They couldn't have drop-kicked the ball into the ocean (37 percent shooting, 4-for-19 from three) and they couldn't stay in front of their men. Of course, even that couldn't quite explain...
L.A.'s freethrow attempts: Holy Game 6 of the 2002 Western Conference Finals, Batman! The Lakers shot 49 freethrows yesterday -- including 19 in the fourth quarter -- and Kobe connected on a franchise playoff-record 21 (of 23). Even Phil Jackson seemed a little embarrassed. "It's an incredible night to have 23 foul shots. I know that Utah's not going to be happy about it. We'll probably see about half that in the next game, if not less."
DJ Mbenga: He joined the Mario West Sub-Minute Man Club by playing 3 seconds against the Jazz.
Fox Sports widgets: This is from Shayan of Time Intact. "This is the Fox Sports widget that I have and this is what it shows right now...I'm not even gonna bother pointing out what's wrong, the only thing that's right is the first game between the Magic and Pistons."
More NBA.com: This is from Basketbawful reader Vert. "Struggling playing at Boston in their deciding game 7, the Hawks used severaldifferentsix-man lineups so they could have a chance against the awoken Celtics." Well, playing six men would definitely give them a decided advantage...