By now, you've probably heard all about Zach Randolph's latest bastardization of basketball. (For further reading, go to ClipperBlog or see Bill Simmons' A dumbfounding night in the 'Dumbleavy Era'.) It boggles the mind and bends the imagination. So what's the deal? Is Randolph selfish, stupid, or just a hopelessly overconfident SWAC?

Or...could it be that we're looking at this whole situation the wrong way? Maybe Z-Bo perceives the world in a way we can't comprehend. Perhaps Zach got caught in an Intrinsic Field Subtractor -- ala Dr. Manhatten from The Watchmen -- and became a kind of a quantum NBA player, and his corresponding inability to perceive time in a linear fashion has caused him to grow increasingly distant from his team, the league and humanity in general. And that kind of cold and remorseless indifference would certainly explain his bizarre shot selection...

Z-Bo-001

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15 Comments:
Blogger Wild Yams said...
I hope this doesn't mean we'll start seeing Z-Bo wearing fewer and fewer articles of clothing as his career limps along. I shudder at the thought of him wearing that thong-like codpiece thing that Dr. Manhattan was sporting (or even worse, going all Full Monty on us). Quick, get me the mind bleach!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
this was the funniest thing i've read in quite a while.. thank you.

Blogger chris said...
It's not surprising that Donald Sterling uses extraterrestrials on the court for purposes far away from the usual Association goal of winning games...remember when Sam Cassell was the rock of this franchise?

Blogger Glenn said...
Absolutely funny.

btw: the link to the SWAC needs to be altered.

--GCII

Anonymous Marc said...
That Z-Bo footage cracks me up every damn time.

"I don't even know what he's doing Leo"

God I miss Chuck...

Blogger Nick Noyes said...
If Z-Bo is Dr. Manhattan, then Baron Davis is Rorschach. Z-Bo can't understand it, but he's slowly killing Baron, and it'll eventually end with Z-Bo vaporizing BD with a touch.

Anonymous Arlen said...
sure there's a couple examples of bad playmaking by z-bo, but stop beating these like a dead horse. you're obviously biased against him, being a celtics fan. do you even watch the games? z-bo is the beast. z-bo could school you on the court. A 20-10 guy on the post is what every team needs, they're all just jealous. remove your bias and watch the games and you'll realize z-bo is so much better than your garnett, and without the attitude. he gets a bad rep in the media is all because they're all haters

If you actually watched some games, you'd see he has sweet playmaking ability, like the 1:40 mark of this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlTDb-PtDDM

(if no one gets the sarcasm in this post...)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i know this shouldn't be an excuse for his play, but how come none of the multiple articles about that horrendous clipper ending mention that zach randolph's father passed away this past week.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Careful opening ClippersBlog, that shit just crashed my computer

Blogger tony.bluntana said...
Is it long enough after everyone got over it for me to start talking about Arizagate?

Good. I have three things:

1) Do you think Odom got off the bench because of the ruckus, or because of the munchies? I think there was a guy in the stands with a big hot dog, right behind Blanka. I bet Odom didn't even know there was something going on.

2) Henry Abbot said, "Kurt from Forum Blue and Gold e-mails: 'Ariza is now a regular starter because Luke Walton went to Phil and said Ariza needs to start." Ahh... Luke Walton is who we thought he was (and, apparently, he is who HE thought he was, too).

3) During the melee, I heard Lord Mamba mutter, "Dance, puppets!" Then, he laughed that laugh that turns your eyeballs inside out. Come to think of it, I didn't really HEAR him, I FELT his words inside my mind. Damn.

p.s. captcha: "dines" (as in, "Kobe dines on the souls of his teammates").

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i cant believe what im hearing...wait yes i can. the announcers (i think it was reggie miller) essentially just complemented lebron on fouling j-rich. it was something along the lines of "lebron didnt give up on the play and the refs awarded him by not blowing the whistle"...wow. whats even better is the foul was almost like the infamous ariza-rudy foul only lebron caught richardson on the arms on a breakaway dunk. im not even a suns fan...in fact, as a lakers fan i kinda hate the suns, but thats just ridiculous. i wonder what would have happened if richardson had fallen to the ground...(pretty sure the answer is not a flagrant2 call)

on a side note my word verification is "barbosaw" ...creepy

Anonymous DNP-CD said...
I fersh (That's my verification for today and my new word for fear of fictional things happening in real life.) Randolph is that superhuman hero. Must be.

Anonymous Aram said...
Kobe's record with big balls dance: 0-2

Kobe's record without big balls dance: 2-0

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The best part of that video: Novak goes upto Randolph, with what I can only assume the question "why did you shoot it?"

0:40

"I had the ball" ::shrug::

Blogger benschon said...
Randolph made it up to the team later by giving them some flowers.

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