I agree with Bawful. The NBA is full of wusses. Here's how the fight would have gone down in 1991. The following photos are 100% accurate and scientifically proven, just like the definition of "dirty".


ROUND 1
FIGHT!

Ryu Ariza uses a Shoryuken on Vega Fernandez, which warrants
a flagrant 2, or at least accusations of being a cheap n00b.

After the battle comes the gloriously awkward taunting statements:

DVD Bonus: It was between this and Zangheif's
"Next time we meet, I'm gonna break your arms!"

A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS!

BLANKA ROY MUST ESTABLISH DOMINANCE!

You all can now take "dead horse thoroughly beaten" off your checklist of things to do today. And no, I am not implying the Lakers are invincible because I chose Ryu to be Ariza.

Kobe Bryant: He forced Trevor Ariza to cosplay as Ryu. And Adam Morrison as Ken. And Luke as Chun-li. Then sent them to a yaoi fangirl's house (Luke was sent back and had to walk home in costume). And then he ate a kitten.

About the author: AnacondaHL is a grizzled Internet veteran who watches in despair as his favorite team, the Phoenix Suns, drop their chances lower and lower to make the '09 playoffs. When not wasting time at his Clark Kent job to read BasketBawful, he can be found playing the Internet computer game du jour, googling tutorials on how to use GIMP, wondering why the Diamonbacks have seven team colors, and browsing other obscure things on the Internet. He hopes someday to learn four languages, discover the Higgs boson (Go America! Tevatron, represent!), name the largest number in the world after himself, have an intelligent conversation about anime with someone, and to eat a crab grown in Akron.

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9 Comments:
Anonymous Saad said...
Haha that was great, no blog post on the actual games for today though or is it still early?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
DVD Bonus 2: The health bars are intentionally chosen.

Blogger Jim in KFalls said...
Man how much would that have sucked for Portland had Rudy torn his ACL. What if it would have been Roy or Aldridge?

I mean if you want it to be like it was in the 80's and early 90's then you should have used a Mortal Kombat reference instead of Street Fighter II.

As much as I'd like to agree with you that the NBA is becoming the WNBA - As a fan, I'd hate to see a bench player come into the game and take out my team's star - just sayin.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
AnacondaHL -- Besides the fact that I love this freaking post, I have to say, Rudy going down despite the nearly full health bar was my favorite part. By far.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Jim:

then you should have used a Mortal Kombat reference instead of Street Fighter II.

First cue missed: 1991. And every other SFII discussion we've geekily discussed here.

As a fan, I'd hate to see a bench player come into the game and take out my team's star - just sayin.

Second cue missed: I am a Suns fan. And I am giving you the biggest Internet middle finger right now. Thanks for completely forgetting the 2006-07 playoffs, and getting me all flustered with nerd rage, jerkbag.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
This post made Jesus himself smile

Anonymous kazam92 said...
PLEASE! I know its late but do this with Dwyane Wade & Danilo Galinari.

Anonymous Jon said...
I know this whole debacle is getting a little old but i think it would be interesting to look at the "block of the nights" or other highlight blocks to see how many of them are "reckless, irresponsible, and dangerous."

Blogger drazgon said...
Great!!!
Blanka is the best character.

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