So, it's been a little while since I've posted my last NBA 2K10 My Player career update. I know, I'm sorry. Despite the fact that this feels incredibly self-absorbed (come on, I'm writing about my exploits playing a friggin' video game), the people have spoken: there is a lot of entertaining bawful in this game, and many of you want to hear about it. Since we had a lot of material to write about for the end of the season and the playoffs, I wanted to save this stuff for the off-season. However, thanks to some computer troubles (thanks for randomly starting to die, video card!) and lack of interest thanks to warm weather and summer sports, I've gotten a little sidetracked. However, with NBA 2K11 hitting stores right now, it would be nice to finish off whatever I had left from my NBA2K10 writings before moving on to the new version. Eh, I'm tired of playing for the Magic anyway.

Above all else mentioned in the following recap, I'd like to stress that NBA 2K10 does not accurately simulate true NBA-style defense. There are infinitely fewer trips to the charity stripe, since AI defenders are more willing to let you score in the paint rather than foul you to prevent the easy bucket. Therefore, compared to a real NBA game, I will have fewer points from free throws, but more points from layups and a larger number of shots attempted. (So yes, I put up a disgusting number of shots in all of these games, but it's not quite as horrific as it sounds. But hey, it's a video game. What do you want me to do? Pass to my inept teammates and watch them brick shots and turn the ball over? Screw that!) I'm interested to see how NBA 2K11 handles that glaring issue.

Picking up where my last update left off...

Knicks 90 at Magic 123
So it turns out Zydrunas Ilgauskas was somehow aquired by the Knicks in my game. How delightfully goofy! Also, Starbury isn't eating Vaseline on a webcam and killing time in China in this virtual land; he's still surprisingly playing for the Knickerbockers. The Knicks (particularly Nate Robinson) were on fire the first half. The team hit a combined seven first half three-pointers. Then they remembered "oh crap, we're the Knicks!" and proceeded to brick every single attempt from downtown in the second half. Realism! Also, highlight of the game? I drew a blocking foul on Nate Robinson AND dunked on David Lee in the span of half a second.

Way to make me look good, Knicks defense!
Bobcats 100 at Magic 112
My teammates are worthless. After watching Ryan Anderson dribble the ball out of bounds for absolutely no reason (there were no defenders around him!), I finally decided to just take over on offense and let my teammates just stand around and not screw up too much. I only dished out 6 assists, but had 54 points. (Being a ball-hog in a virtual world where there aren't repercussions for being a dick is fun!) Meanwhile, Vinsanity managed to turn the ball over and get a 3-second call on consecutive possessions in the third quarter. And you wonder why I don't let my teammates touch the ball some days...

However, I do have one video to share from this game: a sweet layup over Raymond Felton that finishes with the ball bouncing off Felton's head. Plus it's capped off with...

Respek Knuckles
Jazz 94 at Magic 104
Remember what I said about hating my teammates? Here's a nice example. Dorell Myers was open behind the arc, so I fed him the ball. He didn't shoot. I got the ball back and saw Myers in motion toward the basket with no defenders in sight, so I dished it into him. He didn't shoot again. Instead, he tried to force a pass and turned it over. Facepalm. Meanwhile, in transactional news, Joakim Noah is now on the Jazz in my virtual career.

Injury update: Kevin Martin tore his Achilles tendon -- he's done for the season. Way to go, Discount Store. Now you're almost as worthless as the real K-mart!

Blazers 110 at Magic 111
I laid down a monsterous 44-6-16 line for my 25th double-double of the season. And we absolutely dominated this game. Well, until garbage time. After Virtual Van Gundy put me on the bench with a significant double digit lead late in the game, my teammates decided to just quit playing basketball, and the Blazers rallied all the way back to make it a one point game. And yet Stan Van Gundy never put me back in the game! What the hell??? I mean, I get that the coaching in the NBA is pretty bawful at times, but that's just absurd. The other bawful moment of the game: Ryan Anderson stood in the lane like a statue and took a whistle for a 3-second violation and bobbled the ball away while dribbling aimlessly in just a handful of possessions. Can I interest anyone in a trade? Please??

Also, I flattened a dude on the sidelines. Awesome.

Coaching transactional news: The Mavericks fired Rick Carlisle. On Christmas Eve! That's cold. Who would ever do that? Oh, wait. Yeah. Carlisle's replacement is Everett Tinsley, whoever that is.

Magic 113 at Nyets 107
What a fantastic Christmas Day matchup! (The Prokhorov surely approves.) Some big transactional news: Jameer Nelson = traded! In exchange, we acqured something called a "Hans Meier." Hurray? Whatever. Also, Joe Johnson is now on the Nyets. I would say "poor guy," but the Nyets are actually doing very well in this virtual season for reasons beyond human comprehension.

Anyway, this was an exciting game. The Nyets were a bad matchup for me -- Devin Harris is very fast and agile in this game, and it's hard for me to drive the lane against quick guards, so I have to rely more on my teammates. And we all know how well that usually goes in this game. Check out some of the action that occurred late in this game: I forced Harris to dribble out of bounds with five minutes left. I was in foul trouble after getting a couple charging calls and taking a couple really ticky-tacky reach-in calls, so this was surprising. After that, Vinsanity immediately bricked a wide-open trey. Then Pumaman Dwight Howard got double-teamed and predictably turned it over. Then Vinsanity forced me to dribble out of bounds with three minutes left since he stepped directly into my path on the baseline. After that, my teammates ball-hogged for the final three minutes and I didn't get to touch the ball. What a painful game.

Pacers 109 at Magic 113
Well, I got lucky to win this game. In the first quarter, Steve Blake went supernova on my ass and dropped 18 points. I have no idea. Then in the second quarter, I went ice cold and missed 8 consecutive shots. And these weren't contested shots either. These were wide-open jumpers and layups. Horrific. And I played the entire first half of the game, so I had no legs left to do anything on offense or defense by the time halftime came. Thanks a bunch, Virtual Coach.

At the start of the third quarter, the Pumaman forgot how to move and got nailed on the rarely-seen defensive three-second violation. On the next possession, I was whistled for charging. Then I was called for charging again two possessions later. Coach Van Gundy sat me since I was getting into foul trouble. After being reinserted into the game in the fourth quarter, I got called for ANOTHER charge just two possessions later. Ridiculous. I only played something like four minutes in the second half thanks to all the fouls I racked up on just charging calls. I have no idea what changed, considering I rarely got called for charging in previous games. I like to think that 2K Sports simply modeled a virtual Tim Donaghy refereeing scandal. Sound good? Good. Just so long as I get a cut.

Magic 102 at Hornets 88
Chris Paul came to play. He put down a nice 29/3/9 line. However, I was not about to let myself get outshown by my competition's point guard! I went into total shot-jacking mode and took an unholy 47 shots, but scored a team-record 63 points, then stole the ball from Chris Paul twice late in the game and buried a fast-break three just because I could. Now I see why Kobe likes to put up ridiculous shots all the time -- it's fun! (God, I feel dirty.)

That being said, I did totally whiff trying to block one of his layups:

Defensive FAIL.
Magic 108 at Mavericks 86
Another me-first game led to a 58 point outing, including shooting 3-for-8 from downtown. Hey, we're winning, aren't we? I'll stop ball-hogging when my teammates start complaining about getting the number one seed in the East. Meanwhile, I forced Jason Kidd into a backcourt violation in the first quarter. Not to be outdone, my teammate Ryan Anderson took a backcourt violation shortly after this. I'm not sure, but I think my virtual doppelganger gave him a "I'm this close to breaking your neck and raping your soul" Kobe stare.

Wizards Generals Bullets 113 at Magic 126
I only played 16 minutes thanks to foul trouble. Gilbert Arenas was just way too fast (faster than a speeding bullet, as it were), and I couldn't stay in front of him on defense. The result? I fouled him. A lot. Hey, it wasn't pretty, but it worked.

Heat 90 at Magic 102
In perhaps the greatest one-on-one battle since Dr. J versus Bird was commemorated in 8-bit form, Dwyane Wade and my polygonal, pixelated version of myself battled all game long in a back-and-forth contest of hot streaks. For every ridiculous, contested jumper D-Wade drained from the top of the key, I countered with an obscene reverse layup in traffic. And vice versa. Our teammates seemed content to stand in awe and just watch us battle for much of the game. It finally culminated in the closest thing you'll ever see in NBA 2K10 to a hard foul:

It's not quite the McHale/Rambis clothesline, but it's still pretty friggin' sweet if you ask me
This was the first game that I played with the patch, and it was a decided improvement over the previous unpatched version of the game. Layups became infinitely more difficult, new animations were added, etc. However, after this point, I lost my notes I took on later games, so I think we'll call this the end of the NBA 2K10 Diaries. My copy of NBA 2K11 (and a new video card for my PC) have arrived and are waiting to be installed, so I should be able to get back to gaming later this week with a brand new -- and hopefully improved -- game. We'll have to see just how much bawful it has.

In closing, I'll leave you with this glorious video of Vince Carter failing. Enjoy.

Never change, Virtual Vinsanity

Labels: My Player diary, NBA 2K10

As you may have surmised by my lack of updates, it's been a little while since I've played any NBA 2K10. Partially this is because it's just hard to get into it during the off-season. Not to mention NHL 11 is pretty friggin' sweet. However, I've also had an increasingly common system error on my PC that causes the game to spontaneously freeze to a black screen for two or three seconds, then finally reload at the pause menu. I've traced it back to a hardware conflict of some sort, but nobody can seem to pinpoint what causes this because it's a very generic error. It's frustrating since it really disrupts the flow of the game (though at least it's not as bad as a racing game where I've already gone off track and crashed into the barriers by the time the game recovers), and the error is getting more and more frequent.

Needless to say, this has kind of zapped my desire to continue my current NBA 2K10 My Player career, especially since I have recently gotten a PS3 and we're so close to the release NBA 2K11 and it's competitor NBA Elite 11 (formerly NBA Live). Or not. Keep reading...

The NBA 2K11 demo was recently released on the Xbox360 and Playstation 3, roughly three weeks prior to the game's scheduled October 5th release. I have, however, only played the demo once because the demo is crap.

Don't get me wrong. The game itself isn't necessarily crap, and I actually expect it to be pretty good. I loved NBA 2K10, and theoretically it should only be better with the addition of the Michael Jordan modes, plus fixes and improvements to the addictive My Player mode, not to mention any other polishing and fine-tuning. The problem is the demo's lack of options. As in any options. At all. You get to play five minutes of action as the Lakers against the Celtics in Pro difficulty with all the defaults, and no commentary. That's it. You have to play as the Lakers. You have to play with the annoying broadcast-style camera. You have to use the default control scheme and default difficulty levels (which make blocks and steals far too frequent).

...yeah.

As you might have guessed, I was none too pleased with being forced to play on the same team as Kobe (I felt like a much shorter, much less athletic, and much less successful Luke Walton for five minutes, though I did spend roughly as much time on an actual basketball court as he did during the playoffs). Aside from that, it seems like a pretty solid game. Okay, yes, your players' speed being restricted to either running or crawling like you are being weighed down by the gravity on Jupiter, and the graphics used for the ball itself are disturbingly, oddly shiny like it was doused in a layer of baby oil. But beyond that, I'm looking forward to buying this title.

Lucky me, I suppose, since it looks like it'll be a little while before I could buy NBA Elite 11 even if I wanted to. EA Sports has officially delayed the release of NBA Elite 11, while in the interim NBA Live 10 will be updated via free downloadable content for the 2010-2011 NBA season. Also, the PS3 and Xbox360 versions of NBA Jam that were supposed to be included with Elite will now be separate releases, though we still don't have the details of how they're going to handle that. (However, the Wii version of NBA Jam still is set to be released on October 5th. So that's nice.)

The explanation given by EA Sports president Peter Moore is vague at best, but it boils down to the actual response from the general public to the playable demo -- it's crap. It's buggy, the new control scheme is not being very well-received (it's not as bad as some people claim, especially if you've played NHL 11 with its similar new controls scheme, but it's still needing improvement), and the game is buggy and lacking polish.

And seriouly, did I mention the bugs? Check out this video (NSFW audio):


Fast-forward to 3:00 into the video. Trust me.
What the fuck, indeed.

I'll be interested to see what the final version of NBA Elite 11 looks like, assuming it ever actually sees the light of day. I personally thought it didn't play that bad, and the graphics looked okay (if a little shiny) to me, but there are quite a few dissenting opinion out there. Looks like EA's got some serious programming to do.

Labels: Andrew Bynum WTF, NBA 2K10, NBA 2K11, NBA Elite, NBA Live

Vinsanity involved in virtual man love? Shock!
It's a very special President's Day edition of the NBA 2K10 My Player Diary! Before we get going, you need to watch this quick, erm, history lesson on George Washington. (Warning -- Audio is NSFW)


Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get into my virtual basketball career. Because it's sure as hell more exciting than the Dunk Contest was, and slightly less bawful than the airball display known as the Celebrity Game, or that final inbounds play the Western All-Stars attempted.

Random Pics and Video:


Assorted lowlights and highlights from this stretch of games
(Includes a blocked dunk and TWO shots clanked off the side of the backboard!)

Van Gundy wearing a tie? What the hell??

Okay, that's better.
Game Log:

Hawks 80 at Magic 103
My line: 49 points, 4 rebounds, 7 assists, 4 steals, 4 turnovers
Summary: This was a fairly uneventful home game. We basically led the entire game, and aside from me being a turnover machine thanks to a couple of passes just plain slipping out of my hands (my player isn't good at passing while in the air yet...), not much happened. Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal managed to get called for offensive 3 seconds near the end of the 1st quarter AND at the beginning of the 2nd quarter. Also, in the 3rd quarter, I broke loose for a short jumper, maybe 8 feet. It caught iron and bounced out, but Stan Van Gundy was happy with my shot selection. Clark Kellogg in the booth, however, berated me and said: "That was an ill-advised shot, no question about it." I am so conflicted.

Celtics 109 at Magic 106
My line: 51 points, 2 rebounds, 10 assists, 8 steals
Summary: Oh man, this is an example of what annoys me about NBA 2K10. Sometimes, like the Madden series, this game just goes into what Bill Simmons calls "Eff You" mode. It just decided it did not want me winning this game. My teammates' interior defense was even more non-existent than usual. Rajon Rondo unleashed 21 assists on me. Rashard Lewis shot 3-for-10, and Vince Carter shot 1-for-10. And I couldn't even stop Vinsanity -- he did almost all of that shooting when I was on the bench. I went to the bench in the 2nd quarter with us down 5, and came back just two minutes later down 38-24! I began risking fouls late and hassled Rondo into turnovers late to rally back, but it was just not meant to be.

Magic 111 at Jazz 91
My line: 44 points, 5 rebounds, 9 assists, 3 steals, 5 turnovers
Summary: My five turnovers is a little deceptive. One was lost because Dwight Howard turned his back on me after I threw the ball in his direction. One was the result of a charge. And the best one? I missed a layup and, thanks to uncalled contact, I fell to the floor and had trouble standing back up. I got called for an offensive 3 second violation for lying on the ground in the paint! Oh, and Stan Van Gundy decided to sit me in garbage time before I could get my 10th assist for the double-double. Thanks a bunch, Coach. I want to stat pad for a better contract! Also noteworthy: Eric Maynor put up a 0-for-3 shooting performance and lost 2 turnovers in 4 minutes. Fail.

Magic 109 at Timberwolves 105
My line: 49 points, 5 rebounds, 10 assists, 5 steals, 2 blocks, 2 turnovers
Summary: Deceptive final score -- we dominated the Timberpoops all game, but I sat for a long, long while in garbage time and the T-Wolves starters owned our human victory cigars to make the margin of victory smaller.

Magic 106 at Lakers 107
My line: 53 points, 3 rebounds, 8 assists, 6 steals, 1 block, 5 turnovers
Summary: Larry Hughes sighting! He somehow landed on the Lakers in my game. Like the game against the Celtics, this was another Eff You game. My bench let me down. My teammates let me down both when I was on the floor (turned their backs on my passes, bumbled passes, no defense) and when I was off the floor they just plain sucked. I wanted to pull a Sprewell and strangle them. I went to the bench down by two points late in the game, and came back just a few seconds later down 95-88! I managed to pull off two clutch steals on back-to-back possessions to make it close, but Rashard Lewis missed the game winner. I was double-teamed at the perimeter, and he was my only open shooter, and he barely hit the side of the rim. Just awful.

Magic 112 at Clippers 92
My line: 36 points, 1 rebound, 9 assists, 11 steals
Summary: Wow. This game was painful. I was hoping to drop like 75 points or something in a revenge game, but I COULD NOT buy a bucket (I blew wide open layups, etc.). I had to settle instead for setting an Orlando franchise record with 11 steals. Baron Davis, consider yourself my bitch. (I even forced him into an over-and-back violation in the first quarter, which does not count as a steal, but is still a forced turnover) Most of these steals were just the result of cutting off passing lanes rather than poking the ball loose. Yeah, that's Clippers basketball for you.

Spurs 106 at Magic 103
My line: 40 points, 2 rebounds, 8 assists, 5 steals, 3 blocks
Summary: Vanilla Godzilla! Yes, Joel Pryzbilla ended up in San Antonio once I left town. So disappointed I didn't get to play along side the Vanilla Godzilla. :( But anyhow, this game was also sad. My teammates decided to not show up again, and the game totally was in Eff You mode from the start. Dwight Howard and his bawful hands bumbled so many easy passes under the basket when he was just jogging along the baseline. In a sad but funny bawful moment, I stole the ball right by the halfcourt line, and while gaining control of it... I got called for a backcourt violation. Vinsanity decided to play his trademark defensive style... and fouled jump shooters on consecutive possessions, and then he also turned the ball over on a charging call at the start of the 3rd quarter. Meanwhile, I could not hit a shot the entire second quarter. I missed six or seven consecutive layups. They weren't blocked, I just flat missed them. However, my teammates couldn't hit shots either, so I was forced to try and get something going. I shut down Tony Parker and got three blocks against him that helped turn around our momentum, and I started hitting shots late (I still only shot 48% for the game when I normally average over 60%), but it was too late. We closed it to the 104-103 score and got a defensive stop and timeout with 7 seconds left in the game, leaving us with a chance to win. However, we wasted that chance when Jameer Nelson got a 5 second call! He couldn't inbound the ball even though I was WIDE OPEN. I died a little inside.

Grizzlies 102 at Magic 117
My line: 44 points 1 rebound, 9 assists, 8 steals
Summary: I didn't write any notes on this game for some reason, so I guess it wasn't very eventful. The most noteworthy occurance? I clanked a shot off the side of the backboard on a baseline jumper. Later in the game, OJ Mayo did the same exact thing.

Latest Transactions:
We traded Corey Brewer straight up for Luis Scola. Also, the rumor mill says Jameer Nelson might be traded soon. He's not very happy, and several teams are looking at him.

Labels: George Washington is made of radiation, My Player diary, NBA 2K10, Vince Carter

A compelling matchup. I'll be sure to tune in to see Jordan Hill average 1.8 PPG.
Well, by popular demand, I'm going to keep you all updated on my NBA 2K10 My Player career in separate, more detailed posts instead of just slipping them into my Bawful After Dark posts. I never expected this series to be so popular, but the number of comments and e-mails I've gotten has been a pleasant surprise. If you guys ever have any questions or comments, please feel free to post something in the comments section. I'll try to make these updates funny and interesting, but also try to give some advice so that you too can transform your D-League reject into an unholy combination of Jordan's talent and killer instinct, plus Wilt's penchanct for stat-padding. (Hey, it's a video game! Why not be a bastard there since it has fewer repercussions than being a bastard in real life?)

Quick recap of last season for those who haven't been paying attention in the original running diary in my BAD entries:

My virtual doppleganger's development as a basketball player has been interesting, to say the least. After a failed initial attempt to create someone similar to myself (6'0", 150lb with a focus on outside shooting), I gave my career a rebirth as a slightly oversized drive-the-paint point guard (6'5", 200lb). Things started well enough, with a successful showing in the Summer League (no doubt impressing the tens upon tens of people sitting in the bleachers at the run-down gymnasium). I got a call to work out for the Celtics, and couldn't say no. Unfortunately, Eddie House absolutely owned me, raining threes all over my ass, and completely negating my offensive efforts in the process. Feeling like a poor man's Paul Shirley, I was sent packing to Idaho to play in the NBA D-League. I took the Eddie House ass-whupping to heart and refocused my defense, spending skill points on defensive attributes and focusing more on playing tight perimeter defense against good shooters. This worked well against the slower, undersized scrubs that tend to populate the D-League, and after just six games San Antonio signed me.

Things started off all right, with me coming off the bench to back up Tony Parker. I didn't get much playing time initially since I had stuck with the default 5 minute quarters, and I was quick with decent stamina, but a poor shooter and poor rebounder, so I focused on dishing assists and playing defense. This worked well for the first few weeks of the season, and I improved my shooting consistency, and began to contribute more points. As I started to take more and more playing time from Tony Parker, he started playing worse and worse. His growing distaste for sitting on the bench for extended periods of time led to lots of bad jumpshots, lots of ball-hoggery, and general basketbawfulery. At the same time, Manu Ginobili went into a bad shooting funk, and couldn't buy a bucket in the fourth quarter of any game for a solid month. It was like I suddenly had been traded to the Nets.

Needless to say, things didn't go well for a while. We lost a lot of close games. We dropped in the standings. After dropping to ninth place in the Western Conference, I finally said "enough!" and changed the quarter length to 8 minutes (because of the run-and-gun style and high shooting percentages in 2K10 by default, this quarter length leads to fairly realistic final scores) to help me have more of an impact on the game, and to help me get better stats to help gain skill points to improve my avatar's abilities. I also stopped focusing on passing the ball, and became a decidedly shoot-first point guard.

Putting the team on my back and carrying them made a world of difference, and we won our last several games of the season to squeak into the playoffs. While this made Tony Parker sulk even more, it somehow brought life into Manu Ginobili who went on fire from downtown all through the playoffs, plus my constant efforts to drive the paint led to not only a good inside-out game for my other teammates on occasion, but also it meant Tim Duncan was single-covered most of the time and was available for easy points almost all the time. We rolled through the playoffs, with the biggest scare coming from the Nuggets (the Chauncey Billups/JR Smith duo is unrealistically good in this game), and occassionally from the Lakers, but then we absolutely stomped out the Thunder and the Celtics to win the NBA championship.

Okay, recap done. Let's get to the new stuff!

After averaging 30+ points per game and dishing assists left and right to Tim Duncan all throughout the playoffs, I had some options. Free agency was calling my name, and the Mavericks, Magic, and Clippers all showed interest in stealing me from San Antonio. Obviously I chose the Clippers.

After a couple turnover-filled games getting used to my teammates, including a season-opening loss to the evil Nuggets, we went on a nice winning streak, taking seven or so straight games in convincing fashion. My numbers were ridiculous -- I basically averaged 39/9/3 and got 4 steals a game with only 2 turnovers a game outside of those first two games. However, my virtual self was unhappy! Imagine that! My character told the team he wanted to be traded, and I had no control over this. How does the game know I want to be traded?! Maybe I like being the stat-padding alpha dog on a bad team??

The Clippers didn't immediately pull the trigger, but the rumor mill had me possibly going to the Rockets, the Pacers, or the Nyets. But, alas, just two games after I expressed my desire to be traded, I was sent packing for...


Orlando?! Ugh. They're actually a contender! But wait a second... I get to play with the Pumaman and Vinsanity, AND Ron Jeremy Stan Van Gundy will be my coach? Maybe this won't be so bad for the Bawful write-ups...

I still am not exactly sure why the Clippers decided to trade me. Why would they get rid of their one good player? Their salary cap situation was surprisingly good (one of the best in the league, actually). Since I was still young, I couldn't have been making that much money anyway. I was leading the team in basically very stat possible except rebounding. My PER was an unfathomable 40 (John Hollinger's head just exploded). And most importantly, we were winning! My best guess? Donald Sterling couldn't afford much after his housing discrimination settlement, and since the game season is now a full year into the future, it's highly likely he's lost more money to a sexual harassment lawsuit.

So, how's my stint with the Magic gone so far?

We've won every game I've played so far (granted, only a few, but still) and are leading the Eastern conference standings at 10-3. I have won Player of the Week once in November, and I'm third in the All-Star voting in the West in my position. Some of the game highlights:

1) We unsurprisingly beat the Knicks. The final score was 130-110. I took advantage of Mike D'Antoni's _efense and went into full ball-hoggery mode, putting down a box score of 58 points, 6 rebounds, 10 assists, and 7 steals, and I shot 77% from the floor. Damn.

2) We beat the holy hell out of the Hornets. This was one of the ugliest games I have ever witnessed. It was like I had turned the difficulty level down as low as it would go. (I didn't.) The final score? 110-61. Yes, you read that right. Our defense just dominated. Chris Paul had 10 turnovers, and his backup (some Brazilian guy whose name I can't remember that they drafted just before this season) had 8 or 9 turnovers. Even better? Chris Paul actually went out briefly with a strained MCL... and came back into the game! Virtual Kevin Harlan and Virtual Clark Kellogg absolutely ripped the Hornets apart for two solid minutes for such a risky and stupid move. (Oddly enough, Paul actually played better with a bum knee and scored eight points in about two minutes before I blocked one of his shots, and then he lost his confidence and went back to failing in epic fashion, and didn't score a point the rest of the game) My line for this game? 49/6/6/8 (yes, 8 steals).

Random Pics and Video:


Some good dunks/layups, plus knocking the holy hell out of one of the sideline characters


FAIL. A blown dunk, and the single worst layup attempt I've ever seen




Yes, I'm white and dunking. No, I could never do this in real life.


Look, I'm scrappy! At least that fits the usual white guy stereotype, right?


Dunleavy. Sigh.


Oh yeah, the ladies want some of that...

Transactional News:
So far this season,the Hornets traded James Posey straight-up for Dan Gadzuric, the Knicks traded a 2011 2nd round pick for Marko Jaric, and most shockingly, the Grizzlies traded Allen Iverson to the Chicago Bulls(!!!) Oh, and of course I got traded to the Magic for Louis Williams and a draft pick. Whatever.

Labels: I'm a ball hogging shot chucking bastard in this game, My Player diary, NBA 2K10

It's Thursday. It's TNT game night. It's Jersey Shore night. But most importantly, it's time for Bawful After Dark! But first, a little video game talk. A few of my co-authors will be familiar with the rest of this, but I feel everyone else might learn something too...

I'm sure everyone remembers my NBA 2K10 review. I've been playing the hell out of the game since then, because My Player mode is stupidly addicting. Since I've been playing it so often, I'm discovering more and more problems with the game (oh, how I can't wait for the patch that's supposedly due in January...). For example, does anybody here have an explanation as to why Chauncey Billups is un-friggin-stoppable in this game? He's the single hardest person to guard in that game, and shoots roughly 80% from three point land even with a hand in his face. Chauncey Goddamn Billups! The Nuggets absolutely ruin my shit, and it's all because of Chauncey Billups. And that, my friends, is just sad.

However, my biggest problem so far is the way my teammates act. I'm playing for the Spurs right now. Coach has me coming off the bench as point guard, and Tony Parker usually plays shooting guard while I'm on the floor. However, in the fourth quarter, Virtual Gregg Popovich likes to switch things up sometimes and put me at the 2-guard spot, and lets Tony Parker run the offense. This is not good because Parker's virtual doppleganger has no sense at all of clock management. He's an AI drone, but if he could actually think, I would imagine it'd be something like this: "Okay, we're down by 5 points with 30 seconds left, what play should I run...? Got it! I'll stand in place at the top of the key and dribble out the shot clock, and jack up a horrible, double-covered jumper with nobody under the basket to get my rebound! Brilliant!" It's like watching that horrendous Rajon Rondo possession from a few weeks ago over and over and over again. It's only slightly less painful than the worst possession ever by Zach Randolph. (Starting to understand why I hate my team?)

If I somehow manage to get the ball out of Parker's hands late in the game, it doesn't really help us any. I'll have to pass the ball at some point, because my jump shot isn't good yet, and I can't just drive the lane at will. However, if the ball so much as touches Manu Ginobili's hands, it's pretty much a lock that he will instantly put up a three pointer, no matter what. During the first three quarters, this is tolerable, since he usually hits them. Unfortunately, I don't think I've seen Virtual Ginobili hit a crunch time three pointer yet, and I'm already almost to the All Star break in this season. So yeah, we've lost a lot of close games so far this season.

But I did recently beat the Lakers by swatting down Kobe's shot attempt with four seconds left in the game, then forcing a five-second call on their final possession. So that makes it all worth it, even if I spend entirely too much time yelling at the screen for Ginobili to pass inside to Duncan.

Nationally Televised Games:
Celtics at Wizards Generals: Boston's road game record this year is 9-1. Washington's home game record is 4-5. Why is this on TNT again? (Per the Stats LLC preview, "The Wizards, though, have trouble shutting teams down." ...Insightful.)

Magic at Jazz: Anyone else not really in the mood to watch the Jazz stumble through the second night of a back-to-back after being thoroughly humiliated in the 4th quarter by the Lakers last night? Oh, and the Magic are on an eight game road winning streak. Just sayin'...

All The Other Games:
Nuggets at Pistons: The Pistons beat the lowly 76ers last night. ...Hurray? I don't think they'll be celebrating anymore after tonight. Just a hunch.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Boston Celtics, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, NBA 2K10, Orlando Magic, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards, Zach Randolph