Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Worst of the 2012 WCFs: Game 2
By Basketbawful at 10:34 AM
43 comments







bonner
I don't think this is what Gregg Popovich meant when he said he wanted some nasty.

The Oklahoma City Thunder: After the Spurs imposed their will on the Thunder in Game 1 -- especially over the final 12 minutes -- Oklahoma City coach Scott Brooks was shelled by bloggers and media experts for not giving Serge Ibaka enough fourth quarter burn. Well, Serge logged a fat 39 minutes last night, and the Thunder looked even more helplessly overmatched by a Spurs team that apparently has no flaws. Unless you count Tiago Splitter's haircut. And you should.

Despite Tim Duncan's off shooting night (2-for-11 from the field), the Spurs converted 55.1 percent of their field goal attempts and finished with 120 points despite bricking 12 free throws and committing 18 turnovers. Remember: In one of those Mic'd up segments in Game 1, Brook screamed at his troops: "We're a defensive team." I wonder what he said after rookie Kawhi Leonard lit 'em up for 18 points on 7-for-12 shooting. Of course, the Thunder finished the regular season ranked 11th in Defensive Rating and currently rank ninth out of 16 playoff teams. So I'm not sure they're really the "defensive team" Brooks seems to think they are.
 




Speaking of Brooks, he unveiled the Hack-a-Splitter strategy with 2:31 left in the third quarter and the Thunder trailing 83-66. After about a grueling minute of that "action," Splitter had gone 5-for-10 from the line and OKC was down 88-72. Which was...good...I guess. They made up one point of their deficit anyway.

According to Brooks, though, he was just trying to change the pace of the game: "It changed the tempo a little bit. They (the Spurs) were fast tonight. That ball was just all over the floor with quick passes, passes that were right in their shooting pockets, and it kind of threw their rhythm out a little bit. He stepped up and made six of them (including another trip to the line that was not away from the ball). He did better than his playoff percentage. But if on occasion we have an opportunity to do it again, we will."

Can't wait!

Reggie Miller, quote machine: "This is a surgical clinic by Gregg Popovich and the San Antonio Spurs."

Bonus stat: The Thunder had been giving up an average of 92.9 PPG in the playoffs. The Spurs had 92 at the end of the third quarter.

Gregg Popovich, quote machine: Regarding the Hack-a-Splitter plan: "No, I’ve never done that before. I think it's a lousy thing to do. It's unsportsmanlike." Pop then added: "No, it's a a good move. If there's a reason to do it and they felt there was a reason to do it, they did it. It's a good move."

Serge Ibaka, poster boy: Tim Duncan says: STUFF THIS, IBAKA.
 




I guess Timmy gave Pop what he wanted.
 



Kendrick Perkins: Yikes. 3 points, 1-for-5, 5 rebounds, 4 turnovers, 3 fouls, and a game-worst plus-minus of -14 in 24 minutes. Sam Smith of Bulls.com recently called Perkins a "fraud," and I'm starting to think he may have a point.

Charles Barkley, quote machine: "I gotta call out my boy Scott Brooks tonight. It took him over three quarters to see you can't play those two big guys [Kendrick Perkins and Serge Ibaka] together."

Derek Fisher: Remember how he almost saved the Thunder in Game 1 with his near-perfect shooting? I guess he used up all his makes, because last night he went 2-for-11, including 0-for-6 inside the arc. Oddly, he had a team-best plus-minus score of +9. Must be all the veteran savvy.

Russell Westbrook: His line looked pretty strong -- 27 points, 8 assists, 7 rebounds, 0 turnovers -- but Tony Parker (game-high 34 points on 16-for-21 shooting plus 8 dimes) made Westbrook his bitch. How on fire was TP? According to Tim Griffin of the San Antonio Express-News:
Tony Parker had a shooting game for the ages Tuesday night. It didn't matter where he was aiming from. He hit 5 of 6 shots from inside 10 feet, misfiring only on a twisting first-quarter layup. He was 7 for 9 from 10 to 20 feet. And he hit 4 of 6 from 20 feet and beyond to finish off a 34-point effort that was the biggest playoff scoring binge by a Spurs player since his 43-point effort against Dallas in 2009. Parker's 16-for-21 shooting effort Tuesday night ended up as the best shooting game by a true guard with at least 20 shots in the playoffs since Vinnie Johnson notched a similar 16-for-21 game against Boston in 1985. And it was the biggest reason why the Spurs cruised to a 120-111 victory over the Thunder, claiming a 2-0 lead in the best-of-seven series. Parker might have out Microwaved “the Microwave” with his clutch shooting down the stretch, hitting 7 of his 8 2-point attempts and one of his two 3-pointers in the second half. It finished off a memorable night that he was at a loss to explain afterwards. "I don't know," Parker said. "It was just one of those nights. I felt in a good rhythm early on. I was making my shots and just trying to be aggressive."
What's more, there were a few times when you could tell Russell wanted to pay Parker back, which resulted in some of those awful dribble-dribble-dribble-dribble-dribble-shoot possessions that may be the fatal flaw that prevents Westbrook from becoming a true superstar. Speaking of which...

Steve Kerr, quote machine: "Dribble. Dribble. Dribble. Got to start moving the ball. There's too much dribbling. You can't beat a good defense by overdribbling."


Thabo Sefolosha: I know he really starts only so James Harden can win Sixth Man of the Year awards, but damn: 2 points, 1-for-4 shooting, 1 rebound and a -10 in 15 minutes.


Nazr Mohammed and Daequan Cook: In a combined 10 minutes off the bench, Mohammed and Cook each contributed...1 personal foul. That's it. Not a point. Not a rebound. Not even a turnover. Thanks for coming, fellas.


Kawhi Leonard's shoe-tying abilities: Try a double knot, Kawhi.





Tony Parker, quote machine, Part 1: Regarding his 8 assists: "It's always been a battle my whole career, when you're a scoring point guard and Pop wants you to score, then he wants you to pass, and he wants you to score, and he wants you to pass. You go back and forth. It's always been the biggest room for me to improve, to find a happy middle between scoring and passing, and find that good balance. I think, over the years, I got better at it."

Tony Parker, quote machine, Part 2: On getting blistered by a Popovich rant in the second half: "He's screamed at me for 11 years. We weren't getting our plays. We were playing sloppy."

Tony Parker, quote machine, Part 3: "When you have Coach Pop screaming at you every day, that will make you pass the ball. He's always big on, 'Find a better shot.' That's the way we play."

Kevin Durant, quote machine: "There are no moral victories for us. We were down. We dug ourselves a hole. We did what we normally do, which is fight all game, and we lost."

Scott Brooks, quote machine: On why the Spurs spanked his team: "They were making shots. I mean, they were spraying them all over the floor and knocking them in. I thought (Kawhi) Leonard was making the shots. (Manu) Ginobili made a lot of tough shots tonight. (Tony) Parker was on fire."

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Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Worst of the Night Playoff Edition: May 7, 2012
By Raza at 9:11 AM
31 comments


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 "Hey Utah, GTFO"



 
 Duncan puts on his Aliens/Drive for Five face




A personal trainer attempts to absorb Chris Paul's basketball powers....flopping included.



 Corbin realizes that his summer plans involve spending more time with his mother in law




Mo Williams busts out his best Olivia Newton John imitation





Utah Jazz:  And just like that, the series was over before it ever felt like it began.  Utah fell to the Spurs 81-87, in a series where they never held on to a lead for more than 2 minutes through all four games.
The Jazz had their backs to the wall after getting humiliated yet again in Game 3.  This was after the Salt Lake Tribune blasted Utah for being a no show in the series.

So what do the Jazz do in a do or die Game 4?  Well let's just say when the going gets tough, the Jazz get going.....all the way home fishing.

Shooting a measly 36% from the floor, 65% from the free throw line (at home where everyone was so polite and quiet for them) and oh yeah, 0-13 on 3 pointers (compared to San Antonio's 10-22 from long range) and you've got yourself the recipe for a textbook sweep.  Oh, and that 0-13 performance was Utah's worst post season or regular since going 0-15 against the Rockets back in 2008.

While we're on the topic of long range, allow me to highlight the fact that San Antonio hit 33 three pointers whereas Utah hit 9 through all 4 games.  For those counting at home, that's a 99-27 point total advantage.

"We've shown when things are bad, we are going to continue to fight," Corbin said. "Any time you have a game against us, you are going to know you have been in a fight."

I'm sure when you play the Jazz you know you're going to be in a fight...just not with Utah as they all but rolled over and died in this series.  A solid attempt at a comeback in last night's game still doesn't diminish the fact that the Jazz got absolutely pummeled.  

"It was a good experience, going out there playing against the Spurs," said Favors, who was acquired along with Harris in the blockbuster trade that sent Williams to New Jersey last year. "It was a challenge. I thought I stepped up to the plate.  The rest of my teammates were awful.  Especially that goofy kid from the cast of Big Love....Gordy something"


That's eight straight playoff series losses for Utah.  Thanks for the memories fellas!



Memphis Carebears:  As if blowing a 27 point lead in Game 1 wasn't bad enough, the Grizzlies thought to give us an encore performance by completely falling apart in Game 3 to give the Clippers a 2-1 series lead.

In Game 4, the Grizz were down 10 late in regulation and then the Clippers though it would be fun to do a Memphis imitation and be exactly who we thought they were.

Leading 84-74 with 4 minutes left, the Clippers clanked, turnovered (that's a word, right?), and fouled their way into helping the Grizz go on a 13-3 run to close the game and force OT.

Paul couldn't even get off a shot at the end of regulation to go for the win.

"The worst mistake I probably made in the game was not getting the shot at the end of regulation," he added. "If I was at home watching it on TV, I'd be talking so bad about me, but instead I'll let 'Bawful do it for me. You've got to get through it. The [best] thing about it is that I have teammates that have confidence in me. Everything that we do is a team win, even if I feel like I'm alone on island with this bozo of a coach."

To make matters worse, despite a 30 point effort from Blake Griffin, Blake found himself on the bench for most of overtime with his 6th foul.  

Chris Paul took over in OT, getting back to back buckets to push the Clipper lead to 6 points and essentially end the game.

"Chris is always intense," Clippers coach Vinny Del Negro said. "That's what makes him special. Chris is so good, not only at making plays for himself, but making the right play, which is great since I can't draw one up to save my life.  That's what makes him a star."

That's right Vinny Del Negro is on the verge of a second round appearance.  

What a wacky season indeed.


Troll Reporter:







Crazy woman looking for Kenyon Martin....in Denver:

Can we give this woman the worst stalker of all time award?  She's completely drunk/incoherent, and wanders onto the court screaming "Where's Kenyon?!?" despite the fact that Martin hasn't been in a Nuggets uniform in over a year now:







Tonight's Closeout Games:


Magic vs Pacers:  Hopefully the Magic will show us mercy and end this series  for themselves as soon as possible.  Enjoy SVG's last game as a Magic head coach while you can.



Celtics vs Hawks:   What's the over/under on Joe Johnson half-assing his way into a 12 point 3 assist game tonight?  Brace yourselves for a night of listless performances from all over the league.



1776ers vs Bulls:  Man, what a bummer these playoffs have been for Chicago.  Of all the series remaining this one still might have some fight left in it.

The only thing that makes me giddy as a Spurs fan is that every time an 8th seed beats a 1st seed in the playoffs, a Texas team has gone on to win the title.

Just sayin'.


Lakers vs Nuggets:  Oh Denver, so close to making it 2-2 and keeping it interesting.  At least Gallinari's flop is one he can tell his kids about.




Chris's Lacktation Report:

Spurs-Jazz: James Anderson and Patrick Mills had 12 seconds of partying in the Princess's lair as celebratory Mario Twins!

In that same timespan, Blake Ahearn played Taps on Mario Pant.  And in 7:03, Enes Kanter pilfered perfection from the field (on one attempt) with two fouls and a turnover for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Grizzlies-Clippers: Gilbert Arenas fouled once in 299 seconds for a +1. 



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Friday, May 04, 2012
Worst of the Night Playoff Edition: May 3, 2012
By Raza at 9:44 AM
18 comments


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 Tyson Chandler points right to where the Heat kicked him 



13 straight playoff losses will do that to you



No Erik, no one wants to take a whiff



Watch out ladies, they're still single....some things never change




Jeremy Lin takes in an intense episode of Naruto




Uh Oh, Amare only gets that look when an unsuspecting fire extinguisher is nearby




New York Bricks:  Heading into this series, some thought there actually would be a chance at an upset, the Knicks would sneak up on the Heat and possibly take the series in 6.

Granted, all the people who felt that way lived in the Manhattan area, the Knicks got crushed in this series one game after another.  An Iman Shumpert injury coupled with Amare doing his best "Dirk vs Exercise Bike" imitation and....well you get the idea.

Speaking of Amare, here's actual footage of what went down the other day:





I just hope Amare has learned his lesson.  Fortunately for him, the Knicks have now placed the following instructions on all fire extinguishers within a 1000 mile radius:




As for Game 3, the Knicks were in good shape through halftime, hanging onto a 4 point lead despite no Amare or Shumpert.  LeCrab even found himself in foul trouble (for like the first time ever) as he was mostly MIA in the third quarter (as oppose to the fourth, which is the norm).

But then Monsieur Wade happened, the Heat regained the lead and never looked back.

Wade played the entire third quarter and went off for 12 points.

That wasn't the scary part.  A well rested Lebron came back for the fourth period and ripped the Knicks a new one with 17 points in the period alone as the lead ballooned to as much as 20.

"He was in foul trouble," Bosh said. "He was struggling a little bit and he had pretty much the whole third quarter to think about what was going on. It wasn't as much time for him to think as this past summer, but I think that was good for him. I think it really built a desire in him a little bit and then he made sure we got off to a great start in the fourth quarter which was very important for us."

As for Bosh, he was a question mark for this game due to the birth of his son, but ended up starting anyway.

While the Heat got stellar performances from their big two, the Knicks got another night at the office from their remaining big two.  Melo Yellow and Captain Worst Shot Selection in the NBA JR Smith combined for a whopping 12-41 from the field.  Looks like they joined forces to pay tribute to John Starks.

"When you can't score the basketball, that makes the game extremely hard, no matter how much defense we go down there and play," Anthony said.

And I agree, but then again I'm not getting paid millions of dollars to do it, unlike some people.

The Bricks have now set an all time NBA record with 13 straight playoff losses (their last win coming against the Craptors).  I'd like to let you know that no one in NBA history has come back from an 0-3 deficit.

Look for the Heat to keep it close during Game 4, and then come out of nowhere to break the game open in the fourth.   Kinda like Bosh in the gifs below:









_allas Mavericks:  In honor of the Heat, it looks like the Mavs are trying to do their best Miami 2007 impression.  Which is unfortunate, since Dallas had a pretty brutal showing in the 2007 playoffs anyway.

Speaking of impressions, Durant decided to give a Dirk 2011 performance, as he went 11-15 from the field, and the Thunder just annihilated the Mavs in what Jason Terry referred to as a game which was to be treated like a Game 7.

Yikes.

Dallas got outscored every single quarter in a crucial game, as Dirk sputtered with a 6-15 shooting night. The rest of his supporting cast wasn't so great either:

Shawn Marion: 1-8
Jason Kidd: 4-12
Jason "Turtlehead" Terry: 3-10
Vince Quitter:  2-8


That ladies and gentlemen, is how you manage to shoot 34% from the field as a team, get down by as many as 26 points (encouraging some fans to leave at the start of the fourth quarter) and never have a single lead.

Looking at those shooting performances, it's a miracle they were only down by as many as 26.

Never underestimate the heart of a champion.  Especially if that champion has their hearts ripped out in the past offseason by letting current DPOY Chandler walk, and putting all their hopes on one whiny bitch of a point guard in Deron Williams.

Keep up the good work Cubes!

Have I mentioned that no one has come back from an 0-3 deficit?  The last time a team was at least able to force a Game 7 in that scenario were the Portland Trailblazers.  Their opponent?  The Dallas Mavericks.

When looking at the AP quotes from both the Knicks/Mavs, I found these gems:

Tyson Chandler said. "Obviously no one wants to be in a hole 0-3, you know in the playoffs especially against a tough team like (Miami), but that's the way it is and we've got to keep fighting."

"Our mistakes we weren't able to overcome. Their high-level play, we weren't able to overcome either," Carlisle said. "It's really tough to go down 0-3. We're going to keep fighting."

So that settles it folks.  Anytime I'm about to get crushed in a game of anything, whether it's chess, battleship, or tennis,  I'm going to look my opponent straight in the eye and say "I'm going to keep fighting"

And then proceed to weep the rest of my summer away.

Speaking of weeping the summer away, we have to honor the woeful Bobscraps, who magnificently finished the season with the lowest winning percentage in NBA history.

To commemorate the event I thought we should take a look at our Paul Silas yearbook (who resigned as head coach and is now listening to Dashboard Confessional albums with Lamar Odom):





Weekend's Upcoming Games:   


FRIDAY:


Hawks vs Celtics:  Oh boy, after the hilarious come from behind victory the Celtics had despite no Allen or Rondo, you know this one ought to be a doozy.  The Hawks are going to be without Josh Smith and Al Hortford.  Let's just pencil this one as 2-1 Celtics.


Bulls vs 1776ers:  Still reeling from the Derrick Rose fiasco, we now have a series on our hands.  I still think the Bulls can take this series, but do they?


Lakers vs Nuggets:  You know, it's funny how the games where Kobe takes less than 15 shots, the Lakers usually win in commanding fashion.  Even the games where he shoots 75% from the floor (once a year) and takes 25+ shots, the Lakers kinda just "hang on" for the win.  I think Denver takes Game 3, and JaVale Magoo goes from a team that was on pace to be one of the worst of all time to getting his first (and maybe last?) playoff win of the year.





SATURDAY:


Pacers vs Magic:  I can promise you that you can find much better things to do on a Saturday night then watch this game.  Even bouncing a ball within the walls of your bedroom would lead to more excitement.

But at least we'll get to watch Hedo Turkeyglue in action.  Hell, even Stan Van Gundy hates him:


 




Grizzlies vs Clippers:  I don't know if anything can beat the uh...excitement of a 27 point come from behind victory.

But really folks, nothing beats the excitement this kid had for Z-Bo.....or maybe he's just as excited as I am that the Grizz were just 6 points from free hamburgers for the entire arena:







Thunder vs Mavs: 

Get ready to see a lot of this from Mark Cuban:






Spurs vs Jazz:  Well isn't this matchup exciting?  Maybe Utah can keep it interesting and only try to lose by less than 15 points.

As for the Spurs, every year we count them out, yet they refuse to go away and die.  As a matter of fact, team officials have already released the official 2025 Spurs Playoff Banner:







SUNDAY:


Bulls vs 1776ers:  If you're on the West Coast, I can't see you getting up at 10 AM for this game.  if you're on the East Coast and were partying hard the night before, keep sleeping.


Heat vs Knicks:  14 straight playoff losses baby!


Hawks vs Celtics:  This just about sums it up for the Hawks.




Lakers vs Nuggets:  By the time this game is over, I'm hoping we'll have more to add to the JaVale Magoo scrapbook!



Chris's Lacktation Report:

Heat-The Nearly Extinguished Brickerbockers: Norris Cole notched a foul in 222 seconds for a +1.

Thunder-Mavs: Nick Collison canceled out three boards in 13:18 with a brick, a turnover, and three fouls for a 4:3 Voskuhl.  Royal Ivey and Lazar Hayward had matching suck differentials of +1 in 201 seconds, Ivey via brick from the Majestic Theatre and Hayward via turnover.




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Monday, April 23, 2012
Worst of the Weekend: Metta's Elbow Edition
By Raza at 11:59 AM
24 comments


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FRIDAY:

 

  Just another day at the office for Mark Jackson



Willie Green plays Dodgeball Bodyguard for Marquis Daniels




Hollins signals to the Bobcats what other teams have been doing to them for 19 games straight



Antawn Jamison brings the term "face guarding" to a whole new light




Ladies and Gentlemen, the cover of your Bobcats 2011-12 DVD



Coach Smarts performs a monologue from Hamlet





Charlotte Bobscraps: Well, no team is more appropriate to kick off a Worst of the Weekend post than these guys.  

It didn't even sound so bad at first when you read that Charlotte only lost by 5 to a Grizzlies team that will finish no worse than 5th in the Western Conference.  But upon a closer look you can see that 22 turnovers (in a game where both teams combined for over 40) and blowing a 13 point lead still makes the loss very Bawful-esque.

Oh, and losing 19 straight games, almost a third of the entire season, that will not only get you mentioned on here, but probably get you your very own museum full of wax figures and other memorabilia.

It was a tight game with the Bobscraps down 3 and 20 seconds to go.  With circus music playing in the background, Gerald Henderson finds himself a clear path to the basket only to have the ball bounce of his knee and then his stomach rolling out of bounds.

Despite the loss, Bobcats coach Paul Silas was proud of how hard this team fought.

"This is the experience we need," Silas said. "We really are not an experienced team but any team that we play we have to believe we can be as tough as them and we were tonight. We don't have to play better than them, but just think we're better so that we can go to bed at night with some false sense of dignity."


The NBA: Where 19 Happens



Minneapolis Lakers:  Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice.....well shit.

After getting undressed in public by the Spurs earlier in the week, the Lakers went back to San Antonio to seek some payback.

Bynum was so peeved after the last loss to the Spurs he had this to say in the post game interview:




So to back those words up, he comes to San Antonio and lays an egg.

Bynum finished the game with just 2 rebounds, after dominating the Spurs with 30 boards in their first meeting of the season.

As a matter of fact, Manu Ginobili had 3 times as many rebounds as Beanstalk, and he's a shooting guard for God's sake.

The Lakers allowed the Spurs Big 3, you know the guys you always plan for when facing them, to go off for 63 points on 55% shooting.

Heck, the Spurs as a whole shot over 60% from the floor for the second straight game against the Lake Show.  

Who needs size when you've got speed? And the opposition not having any idea what a defensive rotation is, well that's surely going to help.

Oh, and Kobe Bryant is back! He only took 12 shots and hit 7 of them.  Such restraint Kobe. I applaud you.

"I'm back now," Bryant said. "It took me a half. The second half, it felt like I was back in a good rhythm. The game just got away from us."

Good to see that Kobe is back.  Now if he could just do something about the rest of the Lakers.




 New York Bricks:  Amare Stoudemire came back and the Knicks went kaput.

The Knicks got outscored virtually every quarter except the fourth to a Cavs team that had lost 17 out of their last 22.  The Knicks were so bad on this night that they got out-rebounded by the Cavs 32-52.  

Hell, the Knicks even let Samardo Samuels (even his own mother doesn't know who he is) shoot 7-12 from the floor as the Cavs built a 20 point lead and never looked back.

"I can't explain it whatsoever," Cavs coach Byron Scott said of Cleveland's dominance over New York. "We came out ready and they were kind of not into it."

And this is coming from a coach who in recent years is no stranger to the lottery.

Baron Davis was initially placed in the starting lineup but then sat out due to a stomach virus.

Looks like the memories of his Cav playing days still make him feel a little queasy. 




Purple Paupers:  Well, anytime you see a Paupers vs. Thunder matchup, you know it's going to be a long night in Sacramento.  I could go on and on about the Paupers getting down by as many as 15, rejected at the rim 11 times, and shooting a measly 60% from the free throw line.

But instead, I want you to watch this video of a game winner Marcus Thornton had a few days ago.

Check out Francisco Garcia's reaction around the 9 second mark:



Look, I get it.  The Paupers are tanking and it's not a well kept secret.  But seriously guys, try not to make it that obvious.






SATURDAY:



 
Barbosa also throws these type of tantrums at his local grocery store


Shhhh….don’t talk, just put your head on my shoulder  


 
Why Dwight, Whyyyyyyy!!




Chris Bosh with his best Thor impression.


What do you mean I can't get the call? I'm gonna be in Dumb and Dumber 2 this fall!



Indiana Erasers:  Playing a big time struggling team in the 1776'ers, the Pacers had a hiccup at home, falling 106-109 in OT.

Trailing by as many as 14, the Pacers  clawed their back to force the overtime, but a 4 point play from Lou Williams set the tone as the 1776'ers held on to win.

The Pacers couldn't even get a shot off in the final 10 seconds of overtime.

A 2-12 shooting performance from Granny Danger didn't make things any easier for Indiana.  What a way to waste a 32 point, 12 rebound game from David West.

"I just said, 'You know, guys, we've worked so hard for two years. I would just hate like heck for us to let this season slip away from us,' " Doug Collins said. " 'Let's give ourselves a chance to get into the playoffs. Let's see what we can do. I mean is getting swept in the first round really that bad? Let's do our best.' And our guys responded."

The 1776'ers are 1-10 when allowing their opponents to score 100 points or more.  I'll give you $5 if you can tell me who the one win was against.




Miami cHeat: Yeah, they didn't have Lebron or Bosh, but when you're playing the friggin' Wizards Generals, you better believe that anything less than a win is going to get you heckled.

Speaking of heckled, Wade banned his girlfriend from sitting courtside due to being taunted by her during games.  Apparently she even screams "airball!" when he flubs a shot.  I'm not making this up.

The cHeat barely shot 40% from the floor, had 22 turnovers, and let the Generals lead by as many as 14 points.  And did I mention that this game was in Miami?

Anytime you let players like Cartier Martin and Kevin Saraphin go off for 8-15 shooting you know you're in for a long night (of trying to figure out who the hell those guys are).

As for the Generals, they have now won 3 in a row, and 5 out of their last 7.  Way to uh....save the season fellas.


*head explodes*



With the loss, the cHeat have all but killed their chances of grabbing the top spot in the East.

"Second place is not a bad place to be," Wade said.

Sounds like an echo from last June.




Dallas Mavericks:  Playing the Bulls, the Mavs managed just 8 points in the opening quarter.

Then it just got worse from there.

Dallas shot below 40% from the field, got a below average night from Dirk (6-15 from the floor) and an average night from Carter (4-11 from the floor) and allowed themselves to get down 15 points as a half-hearted comeback in the fourth wasn't enough.

Derrick Rose had a fairly subdued game (by his standards anyway) as he accumulated 11 points and 8 assists as the Bulls kept their hold on the top seed in the NBA.

"I think he played a very controlled type game. He was taking care of the ball, running the offense and just trying to get a feel for being out there again," Chicago coach Tom Thibodeau said.  "It was a great impression of TJ Ford if I ever saw one."

While Dallas has already clinched a playoff spot, shooting 25% from 3 point land and 39% shooting overall just reeks of a team waiting to give Miami's 2007 playoff performance a run for its money.

Dallas has lost 3 of 5 and the playoffs start in a week.









SUNDAY:


Mike Brown:  Thanks Coach...er....I mean Kobe for helping us with that one








Goran Dragic tries out for the NBA long jump team...and fails








So that's what a 20 game losing streak feels like






"Are my hands too small?  Damn, I think they're too small"






"Maybe if I shoot like this, the Cavs game will feel more competitive"






I told Kobe to stay away from those hot peppers







OKC Blunder:  Well, things were looking good with the Thunder up 18 in the third and the Lakers looking like yesterdays news.

The Lakers began to pick up the intensity late in the 2nd half, as even players like Metta World Peace were being showered with praises for giving a series of vintage performances in recent weeks.   Unfortunately, the vintage performance Metta World Peace gave on this day had more to do with the psycho Ron Artest off the court, than the superb defender on it:





 Here's another take on what you just saw:



World Peace tweeted "I just watched the replay again..... Oooo.. My celebration of the dunk really was too much... Didn't even see James ..... Omg... Looks bad,".

Yet he clearly bumps into Harden, and randomly swings his elbow the other way.  After laying out Harden he keeps walking on as though nothing happened.

Hmmmm....

After Peace got ejected, the Lakers closed the gap in the fourth quarter, and both overtimes that followed. Kobe Bryant became Kobe Bryant, Andrew Bynum was nowhere to be found, and Scott Brooks became....well Scott Brooks I guess.

Kobe Bryant performed some of his greatest magic tricks to rescue the Lakers:





Kobe hit clutch shot after clutch shot while Durant went clankity clank clank clank.

Did anyone notice how both shots the Thunder tried to get off at the end of each OT was an off balance 3 pointer with a hand in Westbrick/Durant's face?  Scott Brooks couldn't design a great play coming out of a timeout if his life depended on it.  Hell, he even made Mike Brown look good on this night.

The Thunder ended up choking the game, lost hope for clinching the top spot in the conference and will face a much tougher road to the WCF assuming the top 6 in the West stay the same by season's end.


Charlotte Bobscraps:  You know what's worse than losing 19 games in a row?  Try losing 20 games in a row.  Only a few days after the anniversary of MJ's 63 point playoff game against Boston no less.

The Bobscraps lost to the Purple Paupers.  They didn't just lose, they got crushed as the Kings put on a whoopin' with a final score of 114-88.

Charlotte was down by as many as 35 (for the fifth time in the past two weeks)  and managed 21 turnovers.

"The biggest thing now is having some pride as men," said Bobcats forward Tyrus Thomas. "Not so much as basketball players. We've got to fight it out every second until the horn blows.  Because right now the only thing that blows is us"



Minny T-Pups:  As if the way the season has crashed and burned wasn't bad enough, the T-Pups had a 21 point lead against a tanking Warriors team.....and blew it.

Something tells me that Kevin Love auditioning for the new Super Troopers film with his porn stache had something to do with it:





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Thursday, April 19, 2012
Worst of the Night: April 18, 2012
By Anonymous at 11:15 AM
19 comments


This is the picture you see in the dictionary next to the word "tools".

Cleveland Cadavers: Progress, people. Progress. One night after getting blistered by 39 points to the Pissed-Ons, the home team lost by "merely" 16 points. They even had the game tied at 57 before allowing the visitors to go on a 24-2 run that featured four three-pointers from Jrue Holiday.

Milwaukee Bucks: Fighting for their playoff lives, the Bucks laid a monstrous egg, dropping a critical game against the Wizards. Defense, supposedly a strong point of the Deer, was nowhere to be seen, as they allowed the Wizards to shoot over 55% from the game and almost that well from distance. The WIZARDS! Skiles must have been turning over in his grave.

Charlotte Bobraps: They've already wrapped up the league's worst record, so they're not actually tanking, it just looks that way. Extending their losing streak to 18 games in the bawfulest way possible, Charlotte got destroyed by the Bulls on their own home floor, highlighted by this sequence, as detailed from the AP recap:

In the first half Matt Carroll had a breakaway layup but put if off the glass too strong and Byron Mullens, who seemed to be in position for a follow-up dunk, had the ball bounce off his hands and out of bounds for a turnover.

That does sound like the Bobcats we know and love. Getting outrebounded 57-38 also sounds like the Bobcats we know and love.

No caption here. This picture just makes me laugh.

Detroit Pissed-Ons:  One day after beating the Cavaliers by 39, the Pissed-Ons faced an opponent of a different caliber, sort of like the difference between a cap pistol and a Desert Eagle.

To nobody's surprise, Detroit got blown out of the gym, trailing by 37 in the first half and 41 in the fourth quarter before finally, mercifully, losing by 32.

Three point shooting:  Both teams subscribed to the "If at first you don't succeed, keep on chuckin' from distance" philosphy, as the Pistons and Hawks shot 7-for-25 and 8-for-28, respectively, from the three point line.

Hey guys, sometime practice doesn't make perfect.

In the following example, the Hawks are the Desert Eagle. I think you can figure out who represents the Pistons.



Toronto Craptors:  Coming into this game, the Heat have only lost four games at home. Toronto was not going to make it five. They shot 1-for-16 from three, were outrebounded 41-33, had more turnovers than assists, and scored only 23 points in the second half.

However, they saved the bawfulest for last: Eleven seconds after he checked into the game, the Toronto defense let Eddy Curry dunk on them.

Words escape me.

Nyets "fans":  For the second straight home game, the Nyets fans serenaded the opposing team's star with chants of "MVP!" This time, it was Carmelo who was the recipient.

With fans like this, it's no wonder that Williams has already said that he's testing free agency this summer. A summer that will start much earlier for him than many others.

Carmelo Anthony, he's not making it up quote: 
"It was a great Knicks atmosphere out there tonight,"

Gerald Wallace, on being used to feeling like a visitor on his home floor:  "You must have forget I was in Charlotte for seven years. Lord knows I've tried to forget it, but I think it will take years of therapy and electroshock treatments before I can block that out of my mind."

New Jersey Nyets:  On top of their fans' bawfulness, the Nyets had to score the last basket of the first quarter in order to avoid being outscored by Anthony.

Yes, I do have a finger that can bend both of these ways at the same time. Why do you ask?

New Orleans Hornets:  Leading by one at the half, the Hornets took a collective dump on the court in the third quarter, letting Memphis start with a 20-4 run. It didn't get much better, as the Care Bears outscored the Hornets 17-8 the rest of the quarter.

New Orleans committed 24 turnovers for 27 points going the other way and were outscored in the paint 56-34.

Houston Rockets' defense:  Nowitzki dropped 35 points on only 18 shots, but that's ok. He's an MVP. He'll get his. But Vince freakin' Carter? 23 points from half-man, half poopstain? On the same night that Knee-Mac went off (for him) for 17 points? I can understand pulling that 'I felt sorry for him, so I let him drive by me six times' stuff if you were playing against him in the local park, but you're fighting for a playoff spot, Houston!



Invisible chorus line


Devin Harris, lesson learned quote:  "We've got three games at home where we play well," Harris said. "We've put ourselves in a nice position but we've still got to go out and play the games."

Remarkable restraint, Devin.

Can't somebody just give DeMarcus a hug? Anyone?

Stephen Jackson, seeing only half the picture quote:  "Our best player (Duncan) doesn't play and we still win by 20," said Stephen Jackson, one of four reserves who scored in double figures. "It's our preparation, giving every team we face respect, and going out and playing hard."

It's not just your preparation, Cap'n Jack. It's also because you were playing the Kings. On top of that, you were also playing the Kings.

Excremento Kings:  Speaking of the Kings, they held their own for 24 minutes, as they trailed the Spurs by one point going into halftime.

Unfortunately, they were mandated to play 48 minutes, even if they didn't feel like it. Hands stayed away from faces in droves, as the Spurs put up 69 points in the second half on the way to a 25 point victory.

Pau is felled by the Atomic Armpit of Richard Jefferson

Kobe Bryant, model teammate:  "It's been good to see how much the guys have progressed in doing things they ordinarily would not try to do," Bryant said. "Now when I'm not out there, you have to do other things. You have to experiment with your game, and they had a great deal of success with that and their confidence is at a high level, which is great. What's even greater is that I get to come back, take 32 shots next game, and crush everyone's confidence like it's a squishy bug. I gotta make up for lost time, right?"

Chris' Wednesday Lacktion Report

Bucks-Generals: Jon Brockman earned one board...in 38 seconds for a non-lacktive Mario.
For Washington, Brian Cook fried up a mushroom stew in 32 seconds for a celebratory Mario of his own.

Sixers-Extremely Sad Cavs: Nikola Vucevic earned three boards in 7:58, but also trio'd up on fouls and turnovers each for a 6:3 Voskuhl.

Knicks-Nyets: Johan Petro pilfered perfection from the field (on one
attempt) in 6:41 with two turnovers and a foul for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Craptors-Heat: Aaron Gray skated away from flawlessness in one field goal try and a board in 13:53 with one lost rock and three fouls for a
4:3 Voskuhl.

Hornets-Grizzlies: Memphis's Hamed Haddadi countered a field goal, two free throws, and three boards with two lost rocks and a foulout in
15:42 for a 8:7 Voskuhl ratio. Josh Selby took a rejection and a brick in just 53 seconds for a +2 and a Mario!

Jazz-Frail Blazers: Utah's Blake Ahearn bricked thricely (twice from the Pioneer Courthouse Square) and also fouled and lost the rock once for a +5 in 318 seconds!

Lakers-Warriors: Jordan Hill jacked up two boards in 2:33 with a brick, rejection, foul and two turnovers for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

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