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 "Hey Utah, GTFO"



 Duncan puts on his Aliens/Drive for Five face




A personal trainer attempts to absorb Chris Paul's basketball powers....flopping included.



 Corbin realizes that his summer plans involve spending more time with his mother in law




Mo Williams busts out his best Olivia Newton John imitation





Utah Jazz:  And just like that, the series was over before it ever felt like it began.  Utah fell to the Spurs 81-87, in a series where they never held on to a lead for more than 2 minutes through all four games.
The Jazz had their backs to the wall after getting humiliated yet again in Game 3.  This was after the Salt Lake Tribune blasted Utah for being a no show in the series.

So what do the Jazz do in a do or die Game 4?  Well let's just say when the going gets tough, the Jazz get going.....all the way home fishing.

Shooting a measly 36% from the floor, 65% from the free throw line (at home where everyone was so polite and quiet for them) and oh yeah, 0-13 on 3 pointers (compared to San Antonio's 10-22 from long range) and you've got yourself the recipe for a textbook sweep.  Oh, and that 0-13 performance was Utah's worst post season or regular since going 0-15 against the Rockets back in 2008.

While we're on the topic of long range, allow me to highlight the fact that San Antonio hit 33 three pointers whereas Utah hit 9 through all 4 games.  For those counting at home, that's a 99-27 point total advantage.

"We've shown when things are bad, we are going to continue to fight," Corbin said. "Any time you have a game against us, you are going to know you have been in a fight."

I'm sure when you play the Jazz you know you're going to be in a fight...just not with Utah as they all but rolled over and died in this series.  A solid attempt at a comeback in last night's game still doesn't diminish the fact that the Jazz got absolutely pummeled.  

"It was a good experience, going out there playing against the Spurs," said Favors, who was acquired along with Harris in the blockbuster trade that sent Williams to New Jersey last year. "It was a challenge. I thought I stepped up to the plate.  The rest of my teammates were awful.  Especially that goofy kid from the cast of Big Love....Gordy something"


That's eight straight playoff series losses for Utah.  Thanks for the memories fellas!



Memphis Carebears:  As if blowing a 27 point lead in Game 1 wasn't bad enough, the Grizzlies thought to give us an encore performance by completely falling apart in Game 3 to give the Clippers a 2-1 series lead.

In Game 4, the Grizz were down 10 late in regulation and then the Clippers though it would be fun to do a Memphis imitation and be exactly who we thought they were.

Leading 84-74 with 4 minutes left, the Clippers clanked, turnovered (that's a word, right?), and fouled their way into helping the Grizz go on a 13-3 run to close the game and force OT.

Paul couldn't even get off a shot at the end of regulation to go for the win.

"The worst mistake I probably made in the game was not getting the shot at the end of regulation," he added. "If I was at home watching it on TV, I'd be talking so bad about me, but instead I'll let 'Bawful do it for me. You've got to get through it. The [best] thing about it is that I have teammates that have confidence in me. Everything that we do is a team win, even if I feel like I'm alone on island with this bozo of a coach."

To make matters worse, despite a 30 point effort from Blake Griffin, Blake found himself on the bench for most of overtime with his 6th foul.  

Chris Paul took over in OT, getting back to back buckets to push the Clipper lead to 6 points and essentially end the game.

"Chris is always intense," Clippers coach Vinny Del Negro said. "That's what makes him special. Chris is so good, not only at making plays for himself, but making the right play, which is great since I can't draw one up to save my life.  That's what makes him a star."

That's right Vinny Del Negro is on the verge of a second round appearance.  

What a wacky season indeed.


Troll Reporter:







Crazy woman looking for Kenyon Martin....in Denver:

Can we give this woman the worst stalker of all time award?  She's completely drunk/incoherent, and wanders onto the court screaming "Where's Kenyon?!?" despite the fact that Martin hasn't been in a Nuggets uniform in over a year now:







Tonight's Closeout Games:


Magic vs Pacers:  Hopefully the Magic will show us mercy and end this series  for themselves as soon as possible.  Enjoy SVG's last game as a Magic head coach while you can.



Celtics vs Hawks:   What's the over/under on Joe Johnson half-assing his way into a 12 point 3 assist game tonight?  Brace yourselves for a night of listless performances from all over the league.



1776ers vs Bulls:  Man, what a bummer these playoffs have been for Chicago.  Of all the series remaining this one still might have some fight left in it.

The only thing that makes me giddy as a Spurs fan is that every time an 8th seed beats a 1st seed in the playoffs, a Texas team has gone on to win the title.

Just sayin'.


Lakers vs Nuggets:  Oh Denver, so close to making it 2-2 and keeping it interesting.  At least Gallinari's flop is one he can tell his kids about.




Chris's Lacktation Report:

Spurs-Jazz: James Anderson and Patrick Mills had 12 seconds of partying in the Princess's lair as celebratory Mario Twins!

In that same timespan, Blake Ahearn played Taps on Mario Pant.  And in 7:03, Enes Kanter pilfered perfection from the field (on one attempt) with two fouls and a turnover for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Grizzlies-Clippers: Gilbert Arenas fouled once in 299 seconds for a +1. 



Labels: , ,

32 Comments:
Anonymous Naz said...
I'm going to shamelessly promote myself here for a minute and say we should add a new word to the Basketbawful dictionary: playoofs. Because with games like last night's Spurs-Jazz game, all you can do while watching is sit there and say "oof"


I'm really disappointed that the Mavs got swept because the only entertaining series was Dallas-OKC. Now it's just Vinny Del Negro and injuries.

Anonymous JJ said...
I know Chris Paul is the best PG today. But, taking Vinny and Clippers to the 2nd round? And beating the same Carebears who stunned Spurs last year while doing it? That is pretty damn impressive. Can't wait to see them go against Spurs.

Sorry, Chris! I hope I didn't jinx you by saying this.

Anonymous Naz said...
JJ I know there's a fine line between a team just falling apart and a team that manages to stage a fantastic comeback, but for the Clippers I really feel like it's just more that the Grizzlies have imploded than the Clippers delivering in the playoffs. I might be wrong depending on how they do in the second round, but I'm certainly not going to give any props to the Heat for trouncing the Knicks like they have been, or the Spurs for kicking the living hell out of the Jazz like they did.

Maybe I'm just cynical but there are times where winning is about sucking the least. Hence, playoofs.

Anonymous JJ said...
Naz, one team falling apart vs the other team making a come back are really just opposite sides of the same coin. I do understand your reluctance to give Clippers the credit. But, no matter how you slice it, Clippers did make more shots than Grizzlies in the end. And I think getting 4 playoff wins deserves at least some recognition, unless you're playing the Jazz, Hawks, Magic, or Knicks.

And I hope I didn't jinx them again by saying 4 playoff wins, which they don't have yet. I really am wary of jinxing them because I do want to see them make it. Clippers, coached by VDN, making it to the 2nd round! This will be like sighting an unicorn.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
JJ, these are not the same care bears as last year, not by a long shot.

Blogger Wormboy said...
To be fair to the Griz, Z-Bo just isn't himself this year. I don't think he ever had a chance to get his mojo back after his injury. If Z-Bo played like he did last year, and Rudy gay is there, no way the Griz roll over like this.

Look at Z-Bo's '11 and '12 playoff stats. You telling me that the Giz aren't ahead in this series if last year's Z-Bo appears?

http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/r/randoza01.html

My biggest disappointment? Not being able to post this Man Movie staple throughout the playoffs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-k4xdSYGZEk




Another Bawful event: few of the announcers will come out and say that the astonishing rash of playoff injuries (or players entering the playoffs gimpy) is due to the travesty of the schedule this year. I want me some good playoff hoops, but the spiteful part of me wants epic poor ratings to penalize the owners for being so goddamned greedy.




And lest we forget what true bawful is:

http://espn.go.com/nba/story/_/id/7905962/utah-jazz-guard-raja-bell-blasts-coach-tyrone-corbin-unprofessional

Sounds like classic sour grapes to me. An alternative headline would be "Raja Bell deemed old, blames coach."

Blogger Dan B. said...
I love the way Twitter exploded when Vinny Del Negro called a horrific timeout. VDN is the gift that keeps on giving.

Anonymous Naz said...
Well the real shame Wormboy is that this schedule is destroying the US olympic hopes too. No matter what team you love to root for, a lot of those guys all play for the same US team in the Olympics. With players like Dwight and DRose going down from bawful injuries caused by this terrible schedule, American fans miss out on watching our team whomp the crap out of other countries in London this year. Especially since Dwyane Wade doesn't even know if he wants to go this year (motherfucker), it's just international bawful.


At any rate, this lockout hurt basketball more than anything else ever could have.

Blogger Wormboy said...
@ Naz: Meh. I couldn't really care less about international US basketball. I stopped caring about all of these sports when they stopped being amateur.



Retroactive Baasketbawful:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/gallery/featured/GAL1160606/1/index.htm

Yup, not a Heels fan anymore.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Grep Popovich: "Well you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man no time to talk..."

Anonymous Mikey said...
wow...

http://a.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=/photo/2012/0507/grant_g_ginobili_sl_640.jpg&w=640&h=360

Blogger TeamD said...
"At any rate, this lockout hurt basketball more than anything else ever could have."


And what did you expect? Moneymakers were untouched.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Oh, and @ Dan B.: Yeah, VDN's players looked mystified by that time out as well. I was certainly sitting there on my couch saying, "what the hell is he doing?"

Anonymous Czernobog said...
@Wormboy: I take it you read Cracked.com?

Blogger LotharBot said...
Saw a funny quote today. A Lakers fan was complaining about how JaVale Freaking McGee made Bynum and Gasol look bad last night. "In Pau's defense, he has been busy holding Faried to 100% shooting"

Closeout games are easy.

Blogger Wormboy said...
@Czernobog: only sporadically. I think a friend directed me to the Cracked bit, which in turn led to the old SI pics.

Blogger Wormboy said...
OK, I know this is weird. Larry Bird is the president of he Pacers, right? So whom does he hire as a coach? Frank Vogel. Vogel is German for "Bird."

I just realized this today, and I like it. Dunno why.

Anonymous Barry said...
Vogel is Dutch for bird as well. The plot thickens....Bird is looking to get Dan Gadzuric and Francisco Elson on the team!

Watching Joe Johnson play basketball just drains me, it's just so disappointing in some way.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
it's also dutch for bird :)

Anonymous Stockton said...
" Los Angeles Clippers forward Blake Griffin sprained his left knee, while guard Chris Paul suffered a strained right hip flexor and jammed the middle finger on his right hand in the Clippers' 92-80 loss to the Memphis Grizzlies on Wednesday night.

Griffin went down after a hard* foul from Grizzlies center Marc Gasol with 1:31 remaining in the third quarter of Game 5 of the Western Conference first-round series and the Clippers trailing 75-58."

That's the team we know and love...

*hard??

Anonymous JJ said...
Damn, I knew I jinxed the Clippers.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
*hard foul from Gasol ?!?
I watched the game (with great joy in my heart to see a VDN coached team of floppers and owned by a slumlord scumbag).
IT WAS NOT A HARD FOUL

Anonymous Naz said...
You didn't jinx anything, JJ. The problem is that the Clippers are not a well rounded team and they wouldn't have even made it to the playoofs if it weren't for CP3. Just like how the Bulls were expected to make it to the ECF this year but the second DRose went down the 76ers made a serious comeback to give us the current situation, a 3-2 series in the 76ers favor.


A team with Vinny Del Negro coaching does not deserve to advance past the first round, let alone even make the postseason. Hopefully they'll get knocked out by the Grizz now so that they can finally start to address the myriad problems with the Clippers, now that they have CP3 on the team and they can do well if they get rid of the various tumors the franchise has.

Anonymous JJ said...
Naz, I agree with you. But, I don't think Clippers can just get rid of their tumors since the biggest one is their owner.

Anonymous Joe said...
I just wanted to add this snippet about KG from a national writer on NBC Sports.

Full article here:
http://probasketballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/05/10/hawks-co-owner-calls-garnett-dirtiest-player-in-the-league/related/

The best part is when the writer asks if anyone is surprised that KG is being called dirty, including KG himself. He then throws out this gem of a line:

"Elbows and cheap shots are part of what he does. Intimidation and physicality is part of his game, particularly if you are an undersized guard."

Blogger chris said...
Was that Kenny Smith who just said, on a Garnett highlight...

"If you can't score on Dampier, you might as well join us here [in the booth]"

Epic.

Anonymous Silvio said...
This is playoff of bizarre losses. Few minutes ago Bulls joined the party.
Mental strength of players is at historical lows. So called professional basketball players.

Blogger chris said...
Al Horford.

That is all.

Blogger Bing said...
"Close out games are easy" sure feels like the new "we knew were were a playoff team"

sigh

Anonymous Stockton said...
Oh Boozer, you never stop to amaze me...
the "franchise" player did it again!!

Anonymous JJ said...
I have to give credit to Bulls. They played their heart out. And to be fair, I don't think Philly was a true 8th seed since they were playing very well until their funk near the end of the season. And props to Deng for stepping up big time. Too bad Boozer couldn't do the same. Then, again, maybe not tripping over any more bags and staying health was already an accomplishment for him. It's really unfortunate that Rose got hurt. Bulls (at full strength) vs Miami would've been awesome to watch.

Anonymous Silvio said...
Bulls let Omer Asik, perhaps the worst free throws shooter in the league, to be one fouled in last seconds. For that reason, they lost already won game. I wouldn't give 'em any credit.

Sixers are true 8th seed since Spencer Hawes' injury. He returned as a shadow of himself. Early in the season they looked much better, that much is true.

New York Bricks, a perennial laughingstock.
They won't re-sign coach Woodson unless he changes agent. Bizarre, even if we left out fact they actually want to sign Woody.
Source:
http://www.nypost.com/p/sports/knicks/dolan_to_mike_get_new_agent_lw3qOaClj7m0nu7DhPVUEM#ixzz1uZjORJQp
Knicks owner James Dolan loves interim coach Mike Woodson, but he doesn’t like his agent Joe Glass, Larry Brown’s former rep.
According to multiple sources, Woodson is seeking a new agent at Dolan’s request because of the bad blood still festering from when the Knicks owner went to war with Glass in a Brown contract dispute in 2006.

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