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FRIDAY:

 

  Just another day at the office for Mark Jackson



Willie Green plays Dodgeball Bodyguard for Marquis Daniels




Hollins signals to the Bobcats what other teams have been doing to them for 19 games straight



Antawn Jamison brings the term "face guarding" to a whole new light




Ladies and Gentlemen, the cover of your Bobcats 2011-12 DVD



Coach Smarts performs a monologue from Hamlet





Charlotte Bobscraps: Well, no team is more appropriate to kick off a Worst of the Weekend post than these guys.  

It didn't even sound so bad at first when you read that Charlotte only lost by 5 to a Grizzlies team that will finish no worse than 5th in the Western Conference.  But upon a closer look you can see that 22 turnovers (in a game where both teams combined for over 40) and blowing a 13 point lead still makes the loss very Bawful-esque.

Oh, and losing 19 straight games, almost a third of the entire season, that will not only get you mentioned on here, but probably get you your very own museum full of wax figures and other memorabilia.

It was a tight game with the Bobscraps down 3 and 20 seconds to go.  With circus music playing in the background, Gerald Henderson finds himself a clear path to the basket only to have the ball bounce of his knee and then his stomach rolling out of bounds.

Despite the loss, Bobcats coach Paul Silas was proud of how hard this team fought.

"This is the experience we need," Silas said. "We really are not an experienced team but any team that we play we have to believe we can be as tough as them and we were tonight. We don't have to play better than them, but just think we're better so that we can go to bed at night with some false sense of dignity."


The NBA: Where 19 Happens



Minneapolis Lakers:  Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice.....well shit.

After getting undressed in public by the Spurs earlier in the week, the Lakers went back to San Antonio to seek some payback.

Bynum was so peeved after the last loss to the Spurs he had this to say in the post game interview:




So to back those words up, he comes to San Antonio and lays an egg.

Bynum finished the game with just 2 rebounds, after dominating the Spurs with 30 boards in their first meeting of the season.

As a matter of fact, Manu Ginobili had 3 times as many rebounds as Beanstalk, and he's a shooting guard for God's sake.

The Lakers allowed the Spurs Big 3, you know the guys you always plan for when facing them, to go off for 63 points on 55% shooting.

Heck, the Spurs as a whole shot over 60% from the floor for the second straight game against the Lake Show.  

Who needs size when you've got speed? And the opposition not having any idea what a defensive rotation is, well that's surely going to help.

Oh, and Kobe Bryant is back! He only took 12 shots and hit 7 of them.  Such restraint Kobe. I applaud you.

"I'm back now," Bryant said. "It took me a half. The second half, it felt like I was back in a good rhythm. The game just got away from us."

Good to see that Kobe is back.  Now if he could just do something about the rest of the Lakers.




 New York Bricks:  Amare Stoudemire came back and the Knicks went kaput.

The Knicks got outscored virtually every quarter except the fourth to a Cavs team that had lost 17 out of their last 22.  The Knicks were so bad on this night that they got out-rebounded by the Cavs 32-52.  

Hell, the Knicks even let Samardo Samuels (even his own mother doesn't know who he is) shoot 7-12 from the floor as the Cavs built a 20 point lead and never looked back.

"I can't explain it whatsoever," Cavs coach Byron Scott said of Cleveland's dominance over New York. "We came out ready and they were kind of not into it."

And this is coming from a coach who in recent years is no stranger to the lottery.

Baron Davis was initially placed in the starting lineup but then sat out due to a stomach virus.

Looks like the memories of his Cav playing days still make him feel a little queasy. 




Purple Paupers:  Well, anytime you see a Paupers vs. Thunder matchup, you know it's going to be a long night in Sacramento.  I could go on and on about the Paupers getting down by as many as 15, rejected at the rim 11 times, and shooting a measly 60% from the free throw line.

But instead, I want you to watch this video of a game winner Marcus Thornton had a few days ago.

Check out Francisco Garcia's reaction around the 9 second mark:



Look, I get it.  The Paupers are tanking and it's not a well kept secret.  But seriously guys, try not to make it that obvious.






SATURDAY:



 
Barbosa also throws these type of tantrums at his local grocery store


Shhhh….don’t talk, just put your head on my shoulder  


Why Dwight, Whyyyyyyy!!




Chris Bosh with his best Thor impression.


What do you mean I can't get the call? I'm gonna be in Dumb and Dumber 2 this fall!



Indiana Erasers:  Playing a big time struggling team in the 1776'ers, the Pacers had a hiccup at home, falling 106-109 in OT.

Trailing by as many as 14, the Pacers  clawed their back to force the overtime, but a 4 point play from Lou Williams set the tone as the 1776'ers held on to win.

The Pacers couldn't even get a shot off in the final 10 seconds of overtime.

A 2-12 shooting performance from Granny Danger didn't make things any easier for Indiana.  What a way to waste a 32 point, 12 rebound game from David West.

"I just said, 'You know, guys, we've worked so hard for two years. I would just hate like heck for us to let this season slip away from us,' " Doug Collins said. " 'Let's give ourselves a chance to get into the playoffs. Let's see what we can do. I mean is getting swept in the first round really that bad? Let's do our best.' And our guys responded."

The 1776'ers are 1-10 when allowing their opponents to score 100 points or more.  I'll give you $5 if you can tell me who the one win was against.




Miami cHeat: Yeah, they didn't have Lebron or Bosh, but when you're playing the friggin' Wizards Generals, you better believe that anything less than a win is going to get you heckled.

Speaking of heckled, Wade banned his girlfriend from sitting courtside due to being taunted by her during games.  Apparently she even screams "airball!" when he flubs a shot.  I'm not making this up.

The cHeat barely shot 40% from the floor, had 22 turnovers, and let the Generals lead by as many as 14 points.  And did I mention that this game was in Miami?

Anytime you let players like Cartier Martin and Kevin Saraphin go off for 8-15 shooting you know you're in for a long night (of trying to figure out who the hell those guys are).

As for the Generals, they have now won 3 in a row, and 5 out of their last 7.  Way to uh....save the season fellas.


*head explodes*



With the loss, the cHeat have all but killed their chances of grabbing the top spot in the East.

"Second place is not a bad place to be," Wade said.

Sounds like an echo from last June.




Dallas Mavericks:  Playing the Bulls, the Mavs managed just 8 points in the opening quarter.

Then it just got worse from there.

Dallas shot below 40% from the field, got a below average night from Dirk (6-15 from the floor) and an average night from Carter (4-11 from the floor) and allowed themselves to get down 15 points as a half-hearted comeback in the fourth wasn't enough.

Derrick Rose had a fairly subdued game (by his standards anyway) as he accumulated 11 points and 8 assists as the Bulls kept their hold on the top seed in the NBA.

"I think he played a very controlled type game. He was taking care of the ball, running the offense and just trying to get a feel for being out there again," Chicago coach Tom Thibodeau said.  "It was a great impression of TJ Ford if I ever saw one."

While Dallas has already clinched a playoff spot, shooting 25% from 3 point land and 39% shooting overall just reeks of a team waiting to give Miami's 2007 playoff performance a run for its money.

Dallas has lost 3 of 5 and the playoffs start in a week.









SUNDAY:


Mike Brown:  Thanks Coach...er....I mean Kobe for helping us with that one








Goran Dragic tries out for the NBA long jump team...and fails








So that's what a 20 game losing streak feels like






"Are my hands too small?  Damn, I think they're too small"






"Maybe if I shoot like this, the Cavs game will feel more competitive"






I told Kobe to stay away from those hot peppers







OKC Blunder:  Well, things were looking good with the Thunder up 18 in the third and the Lakers looking like yesterdays news.

The Lakers began to pick up the intensity late in the 2nd half, as even players like Metta World Peace were being showered with praises for giving a series of vintage performances in recent weeks.   Unfortunately, the vintage performance Metta World Peace gave on this day had more to do with the psycho Ron Artest off the court, than the superb defender on it:





 Here's another take on what you just saw:



World Peace tweeted "I just watched the replay again..... Oooo.. My celebration of the dunk really was too much... Didn't even see James ..... Omg... Looks bad,".

Yet he clearly bumps into Harden, and randomly swings his elbow the other way.  After laying out Harden he keeps walking on as though nothing happened.

Hmmmm....

After Peace got ejected, the Lakers closed the gap in the fourth quarter, and both overtimes that followed. Kobe Bryant became Kobe Bryant, Andrew Bynum was nowhere to be found, and Scott Brooks became....well Scott Brooks I guess.

Kobe Bryant performed some of his greatest magic tricks to rescue the Lakers:





Kobe hit clutch shot after clutch shot while Durant went clankity clank clank clank.

Did anyone notice how both shots the Thunder tried to get off at the end of each OT was an off balance 3 pointer with a hand in Westbrick/Durant's face?  Scott Brooks couldn't design a great play coming out of a timeout if his life depended on it.  Hell, he even made Mike Brown look good on this night.

The Thunder ended up choking the game, lost hope for clinching the top spot in the conference and will face a much tougher road to the WCF assuming the top 6 in the West stay the same by season's end.


Charlotte Bobscraps:  You know what's worse than losing 19 games in a row?  Try losing 20 games in a row.  Only a few days after the anniversary of MJ's 63 point playoff game against Boston no less.

The Bobscraps lost to the Purple Paupers.  They didn't just lose, they got crushed as the Kings put on a whoopin' with a final score of 114-88.

Charlotte was down by as many as 35 (for the fifth time in the past two weeks)  and managed 21 turnovers.

"The biggest thing now is having some pride as men," said Bobcats forward Tyrus Thomas. "Not so much as basketball players. We've got to fight it out every second until the horn blows.  Because right now the only thing that blows is us"



Minny T-Pups:  As if the way the season has crashed and burned wasn't bad enough, the T-Pups had a 21 point lead against a tanking Warriors team.....and blew it.

Something tells me that Kevin Love auditioning for the new Super Troopers film with his porn stache had something to do with it:





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24 Comments:
Blogger kazam92 said...
That Metta .gif is outstanding

Anonymous Naz said...
In the Heat's defense, the only player in that game with any amount of talent was Shane Battier's corpse.


Also Kevin Love shaved that mustache off too. He's almost unrecognizable now and the picture is all over the internet since he looks like a 12 year old now.


Anyway, this close to the playoffs with Artest clobbering Harden like that is unforgivable. A Thunder player, maybe somebody like Perkins that the Thunder wouldn't miss in the playoffs, should have given Kobe a concussion to even things out. Considering that the Thunder are a serious threat to take the WCF this year, Artest putting down Harden seems like a deliberate attack.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
what's up with calling Ron Artest MWP?
I know the guy changed his name, but he remains Ron Artest to me, no matter what his current name is. :p
Calling him MWP is plain stupid.

Blogger Matt said...
Those are some amazing quotes, Raza. I particularly like the Silas and Thibs quotes.

Anonymous JJ said...
"Second place is not a bad place to be," Wade said.

Sounds like an echo from last June."

Ouch! That was a good one. Thanks for the post, Raza.

Blogger Tom said...
Good stuff. Keep up the good work.

Blogger stephanie g said...
Did you see Reggie Evans's epic flop last night that almost fooled the refs into handing out a flagrant 2 (only reversed because of the replay)? CP3 is a master sensei. After he retires players are going to go to him in the summer for flop lessons like they go to Hakeem for low post moves.

Naz: OKC isn't going anywhere without Perkins.

Blogger lordhenry said...
"Right now, the only thing that blows is us." Folks looking at me strange as I laugh at the work computer.....

Blogger Wormboy said...
I like how the announcers revert to calling him "Artest" when he goes bananas. Then there's "somebody had better get over there" as Artest stalked around the far side of the court. The only people in that arena not thinking "Malice in the Palace" were the ones coming back from the restroom who didn't see the foul.

In World Peace's defense, I don't think he saw Harden. Stupid as hell and reckless, but I don't think he meant to lay somebody out.

Oh, and Anonymous: everybody calls him "World Peace" because it's freakin awesome. It's Bawful, it's beautiful, and it's very Meta. Err, Metta.

Anonymous Silvio said...
Can amnesty clause be used for releasing general manager? Saying that, I have Bobcraps and MJ in mind.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I was thinking Bosh looks more like the Statue of Liberty than Thor.

Anonymous Barry said...
If he wants to be called World Peace and that is his legal name then why would we call him any different?

And yeah, what Wormboy said.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Raza, your posts never fail to make me smile. I like your style young man (or whatever), keep it up.

Also, I'm so glad to see Artest has not changed one bit. That guy is the gift that keeps on giving (bawfulness, that is)

Blogger Wormboy said...
Gov. Christie acts tough? Seems a little dickish to me.
http://espn.go.com/new-york/nba/story/_/id/7847416/new-jersey-governor-chris-christie-says-good-riddance-brooklyn-bound-nets

And there's a link to a graphic of all-time greatest Nets. Richard Jefferson? Averaged 17.4 points and 5.4 rebounds and shot 47.5 percent from the field. Dang, I didn't remember him as that good.

And if you want to throw up in your mouth a bit, see the Vince Carter part.

Blogger LotharBot said...
Am I blind, or is Artest not even in the basketbawful banner?

This cannot stand.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i miss this site

Anonymous JJ said...
LeBron used to be one of my favorite players. Then, he wasn't. After reading this (http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2012/magazine/04/24/lebron.james/index.html?sct=nba_t11_a0), I don't know if he's a favorite again, but somehow I can't hate him anymore. I guess he is/was a jerk. But, aren't we all, sometimes?

Blogger Factfinder said...
Welcome back to the playoffs Devin "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" Harris. Personal stat curse over... :-)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone get the feeling that Ron would have laid anyone out at that instant? Like if Kobe had come by to give him a chest bump after that dunk, laid out. The referee get in his way. Laid out.

That's the scariest part of that elbow to me. If he had done it one purpose he would have been devious but sane. But the possibility that he did that just being Ron, now that is scary.

Blogger LotharBot said...
In the first nearly 6 minutes of the Nuggets-Thunder game, the teams have combined for 10+ offensive rebounds and only 3 defensive rebounds. In particular, the Thunder -- with Ibaka and Perkins both playing -- have exactly ZERO defensive rebounds thus far.

This is both bawful and bawesome.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
J.J. "I can't create my own shot" Redick shat on Charlotte for a career-high 31.

Charlotte's failure is now complete. I'm pretty sure that a group of old guys in knee braces at the local "Y" could beat them in a game to 15 (1's and 2's) right now.

Blogger LotharBot said...
This is an amazing article on the ineptitude of the Wizards:

http://jayglassie.com/2012/04/24/the-last-straw/

Blogger Wormboy said...
Hey, at Duke JJ showed us that he could bury any team that didn't guard him from 3. Of course, in the Association somebody will usually chase him off the line. Truly a shame for the kittens.


And here's potential for epic bawfulness: Kobe needs 38 point in the last game against the Paupers to win the scoring title. If the Lakers were playing a team capable of defense, I'd say that we'd see epic shot jacking by Kobe. Against the Paupers it might be easy. Then again, the Lakers will be playing all bench players, including a D league scrub. Does the potential for bawful get better than this without a star asking for his coach to be fired?

http://espn.go.com/los-angeles/nba/story/_/id/7856712/los-angeles-lakers-rest-all-starters-kobe-bryant-regular-season-finale-sacramento-kings

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Wow, that Wizards article is incredible - and utterly scathing in it's contempt for Ernie Grumsfeld, of course. All bawful readers should check it out. Thanks LotharBot!!

And speaking of bawful, I'm off to watch the Craptors and Nyets battle it out for.. absolutely nothing? Pray for my soul. And eyesight.

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