"Did you see that post about us in Basketbawful?"
"I know, that was dead on, right?"

Lamar Odom:  Lamar's "performance" this season might be one of the purest definitions of bawful. Season lows in points, rebounds, assists, and shooting percentage. You know you suck when your boss says "hey, why don't you stay home for the rest of ever?  Don't worry, we'll keep paying you, just stay away." According to Donnie Nelson, having Lamar on the team was "like going to war with wet gunpowder."

On top of that, local (and ESPN.com) columnist Tim McMahon called you one of the biggest disgraces in Dallas sports history.

McMahon knows that Jerry Jones is the owner of the Cowboys, right?

George Hill, king of the double negative quote:   "We cannot take none of the games for granted," Hill said. "Third place through eighth place is so close, so every game has meaning."

Detroit Pissed-Ons:  When you lose by 30, you can be pretty confident that everything went wrong. In this case, you'd be absolutely right. As many assists as turnovers, shooting only 40% from the field. Letting your opponents shoot 52% from the field (and 53%(!) from distance).

Jason Richardson and J.J. Redick combined to shoot 10-for-14 from the three-point line. If the Pistons' hands and Orlando's faces saw each other tomorrow, they'd have to be introduced, since it's clear that they didn't meet last night.

In an attempt to live up to their name, the Bobcraps have started employing the "stinkfinger" defense.

Charlotte Bobcraps:  Did you know that the Generals have more road wins than the Bobcraps have home wins?

Did you know that the Generals have as many home wins as the Bobcraps have total wins?

Did you know that Paul Silas is so fed up with this crap that he's forcing his son to coach them?

Fun Fact #1:  James Singleton, who was playing in China last week, blistered Charlotte for 18 and 12. Cartier Martin, who is also on a 10-day contract for the Generals, finished with 19 points on 7-for-13 shooting.

Playing the Bobcraps. It's good for what ails ya.

Stephen Silas may just be filling in for his father, but he's already got the coach interview thing down, based on the most generic quote ever.

"We knew it was going to be an effort game," Stephen Silas said. "Throughout the game I told the guys that if we were going to win this game we were going to have to do all of the things we practiced and all of the things we work on every day. We didn't do those things and as a result we lost. It's something we have to learn from."

Seriously, that's like somebody did a Mad Libs, but tried to give the right answers instead of using 'poop' as a noun. And a verb.

Fun Fact #2:  When it comes to a Generals-Bobcraps game, there is no Fun Fact #2.

Sad fan section is sad.

Kobe Bryant, beloved teammate:   With Bryant out, everybody needs to step up, blah, blah, blah.

Pau Gasol said this:  "I'm one of the anchors -- when (Bryant) is not there, even more -- so I get a lot more involved in the offense,"

Pau Gasol meant this:  "I can't remember the last time I touched the ball this much in a game. Do you think Kobe might need a little extra rest? He doesn't want to rush back too soon, right? Holy crap, did I really take 21 shots in this game? Let Kobe know he should make sure he takes care of that shin. No need to hurry back."


Milwaukee Bucks composure:  Not that it mattered in a 20-point home loss, but the Bucks couldn't keep the officials from T'ing them up. Granted, we might see one or two of those rescinded, but five technical fouls, Milwaukee? Has Rasheed Wallace been hired as a referee interaction coach?

Nick Young and Caron Butler:  The new additions looked like they'd been studying how to be Clippers all of their lives, shooting a combined 2-for-12 for a whopping five points in 47 combined minutes.

After the game, Young commented, "just being able to put on the Clipper jersey, you know there's a lot of history behind it. And I was doing my best to live up to the Clipper legacy by going 0-for-5 in a losing effort. Even when I was with Washington, I felt like a Clipper, and, with performances like this, it makes me know that I've found where I belong."

Dude, you ever heard of deodorant? You smell worse than your defense!

Gol_en State Warriors:  Down by 24 after the first quarter and by 31 in the first half, the Warriors doubled down on the suck in the second half, getting outscored 58-46. The Nuggets shot almost 55% from the field and had 35 assists on 48 made buckets. Kenneth Faried dropped 27 and 17 on the hapless Warriors, who shot under 37% for the game.

David Lee, tellin' it like it is:  "Got off to a bad start, had a bad middle, and finished the game poorly," Lee said.

Yep, that about sums it up.

Despite an appropriate last name, Kevin is still unclear on the concept of manlove.

Minnesota Timberpups:  When you shoot 39% and your opponent shoots 57%, what do you get?
A loss. Something the pups have been all too familiar with lately, as they've dropped six in a row and twelve of their last fifteen. It's nice to know that there are some things we can count on in life.

San Antonio Spurs:  With the Texas version of the Big 3 all sitting on the bench, the Spurs predictably faded down the stretch, getting outscored by 11 in the fourth quarter en route to a nine-point loss. Captain Jack led the charge to the bottom, shooting 2-for-13 on the way to a team-worst -15. They also got crushed on the boards, giving up 50, while grabbing only 38.

Alec Burks:  I'm not sure how you can be -15 in only 13 minutes of action while your team wins by nine, but Burks did it. Congratulations, son, I'm sure you've got a lot more of that in you.

Breakin' 3: Hardwood Boogaloo

Portland Snail Blazers:  There's playing. There's playing out the string. And then there's losing 94-89 at home. Was there anything bawful about this game? Not really, but nothing great either. Only seven fast break points. Shooting sub-40%. It's like they tried to play just well enough to lose. Yawn. If they don't care, why should I?

Widest invisible torso ever.

Chris' Monday Lacktion Report:
Pistons-Magic: Orlando's Daniel Orton ousted three boards in 12:34 with three bricks and four fouls for a 4:3 Voskuhl.
Thunder-Bucks: Nazr Mohammed fouled twice in 301 seconds for a +2 and a 2:0 Voskuhl, and Daequan Cook bricked twice from Cathedral Square for the same suck differential in 638 seconds.
Clippers-Grizzlies: Baby cub Jeremy Pargo cleared out a clogged pipe in
16 seconds for a Mario.
Lakers-Hornets: Gustavo Ayon augmented a board in 7:27 with two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

George Hill shows Kevin the right way to manlove. With a reacharound.


Anonymous smileyy said...
Nick Young only took 5 shots. That's kind of a blessing, actually. Even though he missed all of them.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just realised something awesome: soon we will be able to call the Brooklyn Nets the Brooklynettes. And you know it some up their roster pretty well

Blogger kazam92 said...
Anyone feel like Odom's gonna announce retirement in a few weeks?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous AK Dave said...
kazam92: Anyone feel like Odom's gonna sign with the Lakers for veteran's minimum next season?

Anonymous Naz said...
Watching that Laker game where Pau was the focus of the offense made me realize that I actually don't hate the Los Angeles Lakers, I hate Kobe Bryant.

I think this is how a lot of people feel about the Heat and Lebron James.

In all seriousness, Pau was very fun to watch, and I wish that the CP3 to the Lakers trade happened, because Pau being the star on the Rockets would make for some very exciting Houston basketball. Really I just want either Kobe to leave the Lakers, or Pau to find his way into another franchise where he can be the man.

Blogger Henchman #2 said...
Unclear on Manlove? I think not. Looks like somebody didn't check ESPN.com during the game. They had this photo cropped about 1/4 of the way from the bottom.


Anonymous greggrant said...
Anyone feels like the league office just wants the Celtics to advance to at least to the second round in the playoffs? It was already lopsided how they got the benefit of the doubt at every call at every match they played since the all-star break, but what the referees allowed them last night against the Heat was simply atrocious. The same situations which got called a defensive foul on the Heat earned no whistle at the Celtics "suffocating" (see also: dirty, with a lot of push beneath the waist) defense. I think that instead of an injury exception, this is how the league wants to compensate them for the loss of several players.

Blogger TeamD said...
Odom might have been sent to spoil mavs locker room then come back next year. His crappy show is having new things to air by being in dallas, wifey loves petro$$$, and she tries to find a new sugar daddy, everybody is a winner except the mavs.

Naz you are right.

Anonymous chuck said...
i think the player in the last picture with george hill is jose calderon, and not kevin love?

Anonymous AK Dave said...
After the Heat's loss to Boston, LeBron James said:

"When you've got it going like that, just tip your hat off. We tip our hat off to them tonight. They won it."

Tip your hat "off"? Is the hat some kind of cop and LeBron some kind of informant? Exactly what information is LeBron providing to his hat? I don't understand the words that are coming out of his mouth.