I don't think this is what Gregg Popovich meant when he said he wanted some nasty.

The Oklahoma City Thunder: After the Spurs imposed their will on the Thunder in Game 1 -- especially over the final 12 minutes -- Oklahoma City coach Scott Brooks was shelled by bloggers and media experts for not giving Serge Ibaka enough fourth quarter burn. Well, Serge logged a fat 39 minutes last night, and the Thunder looked even more helplessly overmatched by a Spurs team that apparently has no flaws. Unless you count Tiago Splitter's haircut. And you should.

Labels: 2012 NBA Playoffs, Matt Bonner, Oklahoma City Thunder, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night

I think we're gonna see a lot of sad Spurs benches this season...
The Excremento Kings: The Purple Paupers -- the youngest team in the league in case nobody told you -- managed to hang around because the Bulls couldn't hang onto the ball (18 turnovers for 23 points going the other way) or defend without fouling (the Kings got 34 free throw attempts).

Unfortunately, the Sactowners couldn't knock down their freebies (20-for-34) or protect the painted rectangle. The Bulls scored 33 fast break points and finished with 54 points in the paint. According to Hoopdata, Chicago was 19-for-24 at the rim (79.2 percent) and 8-for-14 from 3-9 feet (57.2 percent).

Can you say "layup drill"?

Said Kings coach Paul Westfail: "We defended them pretty well, but we can't defend breakaway layups. We have guys crashing the boards, where we have no business doing, and we had guys not rotating back and trying to get steals in the backcourt. The Bulls can run, everybody knew that. If you want to win games, don't give them layups. Make them run their offense."

Bonus bawful stat: The Paupers bricked 12 of their first 13 shot attempts.

Carlos Boozer: On a night when the Bulls had a red carpet escort directly to the hoop, Boozington attempted exactly two shots at the rim. Remember: He's an "inside" player. Meanwhile, he was 1-for-5 from 10-15 feet and 3-for-5 from 16-23 feet. I'm just sayin'.

Jimmer Fredette: Oh my God...this kid is a straight up gunner. He somehow finished with a team-high 3 assists, but I think those were times he lost the ball by mistake. At one point, he drove straight into four Bulls defenders...AND HE SHOT THE BALL. I feel sorry for any woman who dates him, 'cause this man only has eyes for the rim. Even Antoine Walker is kind of embarrassed for him.

The San Antonio Spurs: The old guys were gassed last night, which was their third game in a four-day span, and it showed: 37 percent from the field, 2-for-17 from downtown, and a deficit as large as 25 points. Timmy D went 1-for-8 before getting the second half off. Richard Jefferson was 2-for-10. None of the starters logged a single fourth quarter minute.

Said Spurs coach Gregg Popovich: "We were not playing well and I decided not to play them, and I was able to work other guys and get some other looks."

Added Manu Ginobili: "We were below where we want to be. In a season like this, we will have to wait and see if this might happen more often. You have to let it go and think about the next game."

If the Spurs weren't already finished, this lockout-shortened season will do it.

I mean, you wanna talk about not having any legs? They were 24-for-35 at the rim, but they were 4-for-17 from 3-9 feet, 2-for-12 from 10-15 feet, and 3-for-12 from 16-23 feet. And 2-for-17 from three, as I already pointed out.

Tim Duncan: From ESPN Stats and Information: "The Spurs were outscored by 28 points with Tim Duncan on the floor on Thursday night. His -28 is the third-worst plus-minus he's had in any regular-season game in his career, surpassed by a pair of -29 games against the Lakers (in the 2003-04 and 2010-11 seasons)."

The New Jersey Nyets: I loved this blurb from the AP recap: "In an effort to get off to better starts, the Nets adjusted their starting lineup by inserting Sundiata Gaines and Mehmet Okur in place of Anthony Morrow and Johan Petro. It didn't help." Nor did th fact that Brook Lopez was out with a broken foot.

Dwight Howard had his way (16 points, 7-for-9, 24 rebounds, 3 blocked shots) and the Nyets couldn't have found the rim with a GPS and an army of blood hounds specifically trained to locate the basket. New Jersey shot 37 percent from the field and 6-for-17 from downtown. They gave up 25 points off 15 turnovers and got outscored 42-26 in the paint. And the Magic ran away with the game despite bricking 12 free throws and shooting only 44 percent themselves.

Deron Williams: Remember a while back when Deron said he was the best point guard in the league? Next thing you know, he was running Jerry Sloan out of Utah, getting traded to the Nyets, and now he's tossing up garbage for field goal attempts. On Tuesday, Williams went 3-for-11 against the Hawks, and last night he shot 2-for-12 against the Magic. He's shooting 28 percent from the field and averaging only 5.7 assists. His PER is 10.50.

Well, he wanted out of Sloan's rigid offensive system. And that's what he got. Congrats, D-Will.

Said Williams: "It is definitely frustrating. I am not playing well right now and the team is not playing too well right now. It is not time to panic. We are going to have a little bit of struggles just because everybody is learning."

Uh, shouldn't you have learned to shoot by now, Deron?

The Dallas Mavericks: All Cuban's Cowboys had to do to avoid falling to 0-3 on the season was play 1.4 seconds of defense. And...


...fail.

The Nuggest and Blazers: Pretty decent game. Both teams made some mistakes. Portland shot well (52 percent) and dominated the boards (50-30), but they gaveup 29 points off 25 turnovers to keep Denver in the game. Meanwhile, the Nuggets racked up 28 fast break points and scored 54 points in the paint while committing only 7 turnovers, but they shot like crap (40 percent) and didn't have many of their three-point prayers answered (4-for-20).

In a battle of good shooting and shitty shooting, the good shooting usually wins.

The New York Bricks: When an "all offense, no defense" team has no offense...bad things happen.

Except for 'Melo (27 points, 8-for-14, 9-for-10 from the line), the other New York players lost control of the section of their brains that control shooting basketballs. As a team, Brick City hit only 31 percent of their field goals, finishing with only 6 fast break points and got outscored 44-26 in the paint.

New York was 0-for-7 from 3-9 feet, 0-for-4 from 10-15 feet, and 3-for-16 from 16-23 feet, and 6-for-22 on threes.

Said Bricks coach Mike 'Antoni: "The Lakers are good, and we're awful. We didn't play well. We can't make shots. We started off really well. I thought the pace was good, the rhythm was good, and then it just went downhill from there."

Added 'Melo: "This game is about acting, and right now we're reacting. We just need to get out there and play ball."

Uh, no, you need to get out there and play defense.

Kobe Bryant, quote machine: "I enjoy going against Melo, because I always win."

Carmelo Anthony, quote machine: "Kobe be lying. Kobe ain't hurt. I know him."

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Nyets-Magic: Justin Harper conjured a decent exact (90 seconds) 1.5 trillion payday - his second gathering of riches this season!

Bulls-Purple Paupers: Donte Greene (despite a 100% shooting percentage on one attempt) at 25 seconds and Isaiah Thomas (disregarding an assist) in 24 seconds were the Mario Brothers of the night, while Travis Outlaw bricked once from the Crocker Museum for a +1 suck differential in 8:36!

Nuggets-Blazers: Timofey Mozgov panned an board in 10:46, only to foul thricely and lose the rock once for a 4:1 Voskuhl. Corey Brewer had 32 seconds to hunt for gold coins in a Mario.

Knicks-Lakers: Jerome Jordan aired out a payday of 1.65 trillion (100 seconds) for the Dolan family, while Luke Walton nearly equalled his dad's endorsement money with his second capital gain so far, 2.1 trillion (128 seconds). Fellow Laker Andrew Goudelock fouled once in 100 seconds for a +1.

Labels: Deron Williams, New Jersey Nets, New York Knicks, Sacramento Kings, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night

The San Antonio Spurs: I already covered the death of the Spurs here and here. That 61-win season was a fantastic last gasp for the Duncan era. But Zach Randolph slammed the window shut.

R.I.P.

Tim Duncan, non-quote machine: Basketbawful reader Zach B. sent in this non-quote which, as he put it, works on so many levels: "Duncan left the court five days after turning 35 for what might have been the last time, not that he said anything to his teammates."

The Oklahoma City Thunder: Before Oklahoma City opened the second round with a Game 1 loss at home to the Grizzlies, Thundermania had been building to a fever pitch. It's actually been building ever since they acquired Kendrick Perkins from the Celtics. After all, Perk was supposed to be the elusive "final piece" that would push the Thunder past the Lakers and into the NBA Finals.

Right?

Only, last time I checked, Oklahoma City is going to have to make it to the Western Conference Finals before they get a shot at L.A. And that might not happen.

Zach Randolph may see to that.

I never thought I'd type those words outside of some sort of hostage situation. Nor did I ever think I'd be cutting and pasting anything like the following quote into a Basketbawful post. It's from Kevin Durant. About Randolph.

"You can't stop him. You've got to make them shoot tough shots like he's been doing, but if he's making them, he's tough to stop. He's an animal."

Durant also believes Z-Bo is "the best power forward in the league."

Replied Z-Bo: "I've got to agree with that. Thanks, KD. I appreciate that."

I am still on planet Earth, right? Third rock from the sun?

Randolph continued: "I've felt like I don't get a lot of respect I deserve. It's nothing personal or nothing. I just try to come out and be the same player, consistent during the regular season and during playoffs. I just try to be this way all the time, play my way all the time, and not be up and down. The good players be consistent and stay consistent, not just playoffs but during the regular season, also."

Added Thunder coach Scott Brooks: "The one thing that I admire in his game is he's relentless. He's always playing the game. You just know that the loves the game. We have to do a better job of controlling him and making him miss some shots.
It's not going to be easy, and we know that going into it, and we knew that going into this game. He scores, and he scores in bunches, and we have to do a better job with that."

I'm not on Earth anymore. I can't be.

I may be way off here, but it may be time for NBA teams to wake up and smell the reality. The Lakers won the last two league championships not because of how awesome Kobe Bryant is. They won because they have two quality big men to throw at people. And, frankly, that's why they're going to beat the Mavericks in that second round series. Thanks to David Stern's "touch me not" legislation, perimeter players have dominated the league the last half dozen years or so. To the point that GMs haven't been assembling dominant frontcourts like the old days.

Except for the Lakers, that is. They have back-to-back titles to show for it. Now the Grizzlies have one, too. And they have become a nightmare for their opponents.

Make no mistake. It's not just Zach, though. Randolph was awesome -- 34 points, 12-for-22, 1-for-1 from downtown [!!], 9-for-9 from the line, 10 rebounds, 3 steals, 2 assists -- but the presence of Marc Gasol (20 points, 9-for-11, 13 rebounds, 4 assists, 3 blocks, 1 steal) means that Oklahoma City's defense can't key in on Z-Bo. Not with another kickass big roaming the paint.

Memphis won the rebounding battle, hauled in 17 offensive boards and scored 52 points in the paint.

That said...let's not count the Thunder out just yet. This could be an aberration game. After all, according to ESPN Stats and Information, Gasol and Randolph went 11-for-15 on shots from 10 feet and beyond. That's a conversion rate of 73+ percent. Against the Spurs, they went 20-for-50 (40 percent) from 10+ feet.

What's more, Memphis surrendered a mere 8 points on only 8 turnovers, while scoring 23 points off the 18 turnovers committed by Oklahoma City.

The hot outside shooting by the Grizzlies' big men and disproportionate turnover margin won't happen every night. Of course, the one night it did happen may turn out to be enough. We'll see.

Kendrick Perkins: The Thunder traded him to dominate the paint and shut down opposing big men, right? Amiright?

Russell Westbrook: Westbrook's line looks great -- 29 points, 8 rebounds, 6 assists -- as long as you don't include the 9-for-23 shooting, 7 turnovers and 5 personal fouls. When one player barely wins the turnover battle against the entire other team, you know somebody's got the butterfingers.

The Boston Celtics: Dwyane Wade was super hot -- 38 points on 14-for-21 shooting plus 8-for-9 from the line -- and his production was most definitely not the norm. According to ESPN Stats and Information:

Wade shot 6-for-11 from 15 feet or farther in Game 1; his six field goals from that range were two more than he made in his previous four games against Boston.

During the regular season, Wade had the lowest field goal percentage of the 69 players who attempted at least 15 field goals from at least 15 feet against the Celtics.

You know what? That's fine. Superstars catch fire. It happens. I can forgive that. Especially when LeBron James and Chris Bosh are held to 11-for-29 from the field.

What I cannot forgive is Boston's defense on James Jones. JJ exploded off Miami's bench to score 25 points on 5-for-7 from downtown and 10-for-10 from the line. Yes, that's right. In a game featuring Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, Kevin Garnett, LeBron James, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen...James freakin' Jones had a game-high in FTA.

I'm so not on planet Earth. Where the fuck am I?

According to ESPN Stats and Information, Jones set the cHeat franchise record for points off the bench in a playoff game. What's more, he went 4-for-5 on threes in the second quarter, tying Miami's postseason record for three-pointers in a single quarter. Oh, and get this: He launched all seven of his FGA without taking a dribble. And he was unguarded on six of his seven attempts. And all five of his makes. Nice rotations, Celtics.

Said Ray Allen: "There's so many things we need to do to get better. I think everybody in that locker room knows that, just from a small conversation we just had."

Jeez, no shit, Ray.

Bottom line is this: Boston can't afford to get beaten by Miami's roleplayers. That's what happened. In the first half, cHeat coach Erik Spoelstra benched LeBron and Wade at the same time, which is ultra-rare. Jones ended up leading a 9-0 run. And Jones ended up outscoring the Celtics bench 25-23. Man oh man, I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

Still, cHeat fans shouldn't feel too confident. The Celtics played like ass -- Boston's bigs were 13-for-32 in the paint and got seven shots blocked, Rajon Rondo played only eight minutes in the first half due to foul trouble, and Paul Pierce got ejected (see below) -- and still cut a 19-point lead down to 90-82 with 4:22 left. And it was Rondo's careless passing (four TOs in six possessions down the stretch) that killed any hope of a comeback.

But the comeback was a distinct possibility.

I say that the Celtics will play much better in Game 2. Of course, it may not matter, because they may be without the services of...

Paul Pierce: Yes, Pierce's ejection has caused some angst around these parts, no doubt about it. Here's my take.

With 7:58 remaining, James Jones committed a flagrant foul on Pierce. Wasn't called a flagrant, which happens sometimes, so you just have to live with it. Only Pierce couldn't or wouldn't live with it, going face to face with Jones and then head-something-ing him. Was it a headbutt? A headbump? A facerub? I'm not sure what to call it. I do know that Zaza Pachulia was recently suspended one playoff game for what the league felt was a headbutt on Jason Richardson.

You can't do that, Paul. You're the team captain. You can't get a technical when you're team is trying to make a comeback -- your free throws cut the lead to 10 and there was plenty of time remaining -- and you can't do something that could risk suspension in a playoff series versus a real championship contender. I understand your frustration. I would've been pissed, too. But you've won a championship, Paul. Been the Finals MVP, even. You know better than that. You do.

Less than a minute later, Pierce was setting a pick on Wade, who lowered his shoulder and tried to blast right through Pierce's pick. Yeah, Pookie could have (and probably should have) been called for a foul on the play, but the nearest official didn't have a clear view and, frankly, probably wouldn't have made the flagran call Doc Rivers wanted anyway. Not in Miami. That's the reality of playing on the road in the playoffs, Paul. You're not new to these games. You know better. Or you should. Instead you said something inflammatory with referee Ed Malloy standing, what, five feet away?

Crew chief Danny Crawford said: "And in the rulebook, that is a verbal taunt. And it just so happened to be Pierce's second technical foul."

For the record, Crawford also said: "He approached Jones and got right in his face. There wasn't a head-butt, but he got right into his face after a hard foul."

Crawford's statement might save Pierce from a suspension, if only because Stern hates to contradict his officials. But, as much as I understand why Pierce was upset, I have to agree with ESPNBoston's Jackie MacMullan: "It was an appalling development for the team captain and supposed leader, who, instead of helping Boston scratch back from a deficit that was as high as 19 points, lost his composure and was forced to watch the remainder of the game from the locker room in disgrace."

Labels: Boston Celtics, Oklahoma City Thunder, Paul Pierce, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Weekend, Zach Randolph

Labels: 2011 NBA Playoffs, Memphis Grizzlies, San Antonio Spurs, Zach Randolph

Here's an interesting link Skeets passed along on Twitter: What would Dwight Howard look like in other teams' jerseys? Because after Orlando's performance this year, this isn't looking too farfetched.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:













Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Spurs at Grizzlies, ESPN, 9pm (Grizzlies lead series 3-2): What'd Shane Battier have to say about tonight's game? "Ah, pressure, shmessure." Seriously. So you know this game's going to be severely intense. Will ESPN cut away if Pops loses his cool and throttles someone in the post-game press conference?

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Grizzlies at Thunder, ABC, 1pm (Series tied 0-0): And here we are. I wouldn't be surprised if Zach Randolph has some trouble in this game. He's going to be on edge after waking up in the middle of the night only to see Tim Duncan's stare. And I mean that in the literal sense. Tim Duncan will be standing over Z-Bo's bed, contemplating smothering him with a pillow for ending his last shot at playoff glory.

Celtics at Heat, ABC, 3:30pm (Series tied 0-0): Here is the only preview you need for this game.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, San Antonio Spurs

If things ended well, they wouldn't end.
This may be hard to believe considering how many years the Spurs spent tormenting Steve Nash and the Phoenix Suns, but San Antonio's Game 4 loss to the Grizzlies really bummed me out. It's not like I ever hated the Spurs. Well, okay, in 2006-07, when Robert Horry hip-checked Steve Nash into the scorer's table and precipitated the Game 5 suspensions of Amare "I hadn't added the apostrophe yet" Stoudemire and Boris Diaw...that year I hated the Spurs. Between the mad floppery of Manu Ginobili, the rampant Duncan faces, and the many crimes against humanity committed by Bruce Bowen, the Spurs (for a time) began to embody a quality I hate in certain NBA teams: The willingness to do anything, be it bending rules (such as flopping or whining to the officials) or taking cheap shots (see the collected works of Bowen and Horry), to win.

Still, for the most part, the Duncan era teams actually represented much of what I love about basketball. The Spurs (usually) were a model of character and consistency. San Antonio played basketball the right way: Emotionally, intellectually and physically. Based in no small part on the demands of coach Gregg Popovich, the Spurs stressed the fundamentals of sports and life, focusing on loyalty and teamwork above all else. Management sought out smart players and built nothing but success on a strong foundation. That foundation being Tim Duncan.

The Spurs won their fourth NBA title in 2007...and haven't been back to the Finals since. There were mitigating circumstances, of course, specifically injuries to Ginobili in 2008 and 2009. But last season, when a reasonably healthy and restocked San Antonio team stumbled (by their standards) through the regular season and then got swept by (of all teams) the Suns in the Western Conference Semis, the Duncan era seemed essentially (if not officially) over.

Then something unexpected happened.

With the professional basketball world focused on the Celtics, Bulls, Heat and Lakers, the Spurs came tearing out of the gates. They got off to the best start in franchise history and had a stranglehold on the league's best record for most of the season. Popovich finally relented and let his players go all out to earn the top seed in the Western Conference. They got it. The Spurs finished the 2010-11 campaign with 61 wins and homecourt advantage in every series barring a matchup with Chicago in the NBA Finals.

But we can all admit something was wrong, can't we? The Duncan era champions (and championship contenders) were characterized by relentless defense, near-flawless execution and a grind-it-out style of play that wore down their opponents. This is why San Antonio served as the perfect foil for the Seven Seconds or Less Suns. And they proved to many people, beyond any shadow of doubt, that offense wins MVPs and regular season win-loss titles, but defense wins championships.

That's why it came as such as shock when this year's Spurs team became a sort of zero-calorie version of the SSoL Suns. Instead of slowing the game down, they sped it up, finishing 8th in fast break points per game (15.2). They became one of the league's best offensive teams, ranking 6th in PPG (103.7) and 2nd in Offensive Rating (111.8). On defense, they were adequate but no longer elite, finishing 11th in Defensive Rating (105.6).

Now, remember that 2006-07 Suns team I mentioned? You know, the one that may have been one bush-league move by Big Shot Rob from overcoming the Spurs and possibly going all the way to the NBA Finals? That Phoenix squad won 61 games. They finished 1st in PPG (110.2), 1st in Offensive Rating (113.9) and 13th in Defensive Rating (106.4). But the Spurs slowed them down, beat them up, and sent them home early.

History is repeating itself. Somehow, in some way, the Grizzlies have metamorphosed into the Spurs and the Spurs have transformed into the Suns. Last night, Memphis slowed the pace down to a near halt (87.4) and gradually pounded San Antonio into meek submission. The run-and-gun sprint-and-score Spurs finished with an Offensive Rating of 98.4. The Grizzlies had an O-Rating of 119.1.

You know what else is wrong with the Spurs? Tim Duncan. Oh, I saw his decline coming and watched it happening, noting it (some would say harping on it) repeatedly on this blog. Some people called me (and people who agreed with me) a naysayer. They pointed to advanced metrics. After all, they reasoned, Duncan's PER, eFG%, TS%, rebounding percentages and Wins Shares weren't all that far off his career numbers. He was still just as (or almost as) efficient...just playing fewer minutes. Staying fresh. Saving himself for the playoffs.

Still, he had quite a few un-Duncan-like performances this season. Out of the 76 games he played, Duncan scored in single figures 21 times. By comparison, that happened only seven times in 78 games the previous season and only four times in 75 games the season before that. Timmy had not one but two games against the Lakers in which he finished with a mere 2 points on 1-for-7 shooting. He had another game against L.A. in which he managed only 8 points on 3-for-12 from the field. He had a 5-point game (on 2-for-9 shooting) against the hapless Wizards. He had a 3-for-7 outing against the Clippers and a 2-for-10 night versus the Hornets. There was a 5-for-14 night against the defenseless Knicks and...I could go on, but you must see my point.

Duncan's bad nights were becoming more frequent and more, well, bawful.

Here's where we have to talk about hard realities. During his career, Duncan has logged 37,733 minutes in 1,053 regular season games. On top of that, he has put in an additional 6,877 minutes in 174 playoff games. He has carried a franchise on his back for 13 long seasons. That takes a serious toll.

You know what else takes a toll? Being an old school big man in a little (or smaller) man's game. David Stern has successfully legislated into existence an NBA in which perimeter players like Chris Paul, Derrick Rose, Dwyane Wade, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, et al. really can't be touched, relatively speaking. But big men are still allowed to push and shove. And let me be clear: The pounding that perimeter players absorb during their forays to the hoop is nothing -- I repeat nothing -- compared to the constant beating big men take on a nightly basis. Duncan rarely gets a play off from being grabbed, held and knocked around, and (in all fairness) dishing out the same punishment to his defender (or defenders).

As Kevin McHale once put it, being a big man means always having "an elbow in your back and a knee up your ass."

To be a big man is to be under constant assault. It wears people down. Take Karl Malone. During his prime, there wasn't a more physical or more physically imposing player than the Mailman. But as his career moved painfully toward its ragged close, Malone became increasingly weary of being Utah's only true big man. It changed his game. For most of his 19 seasons, Malone loved to mix it up. Then, almost overnight, he didn't anymore. Karl started taking fadeaway jumpers instead of muscling his way to the hoop. He openly pined for help, rejoicing when "big man" Donyell Marshall was traded to the Jazz in August of 2000. (Sadly, Marshall turned out to be a small man dressed in big boy clothes.)

I can't find the quote, but during his final years in Utah, Malone said something to the effect of: "I dream about being able to throw the ball to somebody down low and say, 'Go ahead, big fella, you take it this time.'" Malone never got the help he wanted. He got Greg Ostertag. Which makes his final, desperate (and ultimately failed) run for a title with the Lakers kind of understandable, even if it still makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

Still, it was hard (at the time) to clearly mark Malone's decline because, as with Duncan now, his numbers remained fairly stable and the Jazz continued cranking out 50-win seasons with the regularity of an atomic clock. But if you looked closer, you would have seen (as I did) Malone being outclassed and overwhelmed by younger power forwards like Duncan.

The first sign of trouble came during the 1998-99 season, when the Jazz were one year removed from a Finals appearance and favored (by some) to finally win that elusive championship, thanks to the second retirement of Michael Jordan. Only Malone -- who was named MVP of the league that season by the way -- struggled mightily in the first round against an up-and-coming Kings team. In the second round, he finally succumbed to the persistent defense of Briant Grant, scoring only 8 points on 3-for-16 shooting as the Blazers eliminated the Jazz in Game 6.

The following years brought more of the same. In 2000, the Blazers again bumped the Jazz in round two as Malone went 11-for-25 in a Game 5 elimination. In 2001, the Jazz got upset in the first round by the Dallas Mavericks, and Malone went 9-for-28 in the fifth and final game in Utah. (In all fairness to Karl, Dirk Nowitzki went 3-for-11 and grabbed only 4 rebounds in that game.) By the time the favored Kings took out the underdog Jazz in the first round of the 2002 playoffs -- Malone went 7-for-20 and made only one trip to the foul line in the finale -- it was painfully (even awkwardly) clear that Utah's time had passed. It was even more clear that making the 1998 Finals had been the team's zenith and everything after that was a (somewhat sad) sunset.

And here we are again. Watching Duncan relive the closing act of Malone's career. Younger players like Marc Gasol and Zach Randolph are now outclassing and overpowering Duncan. Did you ever, in a bajillion years, think you'd read a line like that in any human language? Or that it would be true?

The Grizzlies' big men didn't have a statistically dominant game last night -- they combined for 20 points and 18 rebounds -- but poor Timmy looked spent. He would finish with only 6 points (3-for-7) and 7 rebounds in 29 minutes. This was supposed to be Duncan's time. He averaged a career-low 28.4 minutes per game specifically for this moment...so he could be fresh and ready for the rigors of the postseason.

Yet, last night at least, he looked like a man with nothing (or very little) left. And, just like when Malone was getting worked over by the Grants and Duncans and Webbers of the world, something hit me with absolute clarity...

...2007 was Duncan's, and San Antonio's, zenith.

It's over. It's really and truly over. We never felt totally safe counting the Spurs out because Duncan and the team had been too good for too long. Look! They keep winning 50 games a season! Look! Duncan's numbers are still on par with his prime! They still look and act like the Spurs. They must still be the Spurs.

No. No, they aren't.

I'm sad. Really and truly sad. It feels like something is passing away. I am a fan of NBA basketball. Over the last decade-plus, I have followed the Association as closely as almost anybody. Duncan and the Spurs -- sometimes heroes, sometimes villains -- have defined (or helped define) a full third of my life on this planet. Now they're fading away. Not only that, I realize now they have been fading right before my eyes. For years.

If you read through the archives, I've actually been saying this for the past two or three years. But now I feel it. I feel it in my bones.

Almost 10 years ago, I had this experience with Malone and the Jazz. It hurt and, in many ways, I was never quite the same. My heroes were exposed as mere mortals and my own mortality was revealed in that truth. Last night, Zach Randolph and the Grizzlies dealt another blow to how I perceive the world and my own mortality.

It doesn't feel good.

But it feels like the truth. And we all have to face it some day. Even basketball legends like Tim Duncan.

Thanks for the memories, San Antonio Spurs. Thanks for everything.

Labels: San Antonio Spurs

UPDATE: To all you Kevin McHale lovers out there...I spent my formative years in Boston during a time when you didn't have the full basketball story until you heard it from, first, Larry Bird, and second, Kevin McHale. In the 80's, reporters would flock to Larry, and then Kevin, after a big game. And Kevin never disappointed. So my Kevin McHale expectations are pretty damn high. Doesn't mean I don't like him. It means I expect a lot from him. After being a front office guy for so many years, the relaxed, easygoing, shoot-from-the-hip McHale is now stiff and uncertain in front of the camera. He is not the KM I adored lo so many years ago. I think he has the potential to be great (much in the way that Barkley is great, or in the way Conan O'Brien, who in his first year as a talk show host was awful, became at ease in the limelight, and turned his tall, angular frame into a comedic asset rather than a freak-show detriment). Yes, I'm making fun of Kevin, but it's just tongue-in-cheek. Stay cool, my babies, as Conan would say. My criticism comes from love, and the sincere hope that he can return to being what he once was.

Ok, enough of this smarmy love letter. On to the Live Blog.

*********************

Here's your Kevin McHale-style intro to this live blog:
Let's play ball, folks!

Commentators: Kevin Harlan / Kevin McHale

When did Kevin McHale (heretofore referred to as the “personality drain,” and “KM”) become uncool? I remember like 25 years ago he did some promotional appearance at Bank Five in Arlington, Massachusetts, and there was nobody there to see him. I could have talked to him for an hour, but I was a doofy teenager and didn’t have the nerve, and didn’t have anything to say. Now I feel like Kevin and my “something to say” roles are reversed:

His opening analysis? “Both teams want to win this game tonight.” Brilliant.


God, I still wish I had found the nerve to chat with him 25 years ago, or at least managed to build a time machine so that my 40-year-old self could chat it up with him. Oh, well, today’s Kevin will have to do. One thing I did gain from doing this live blog is the realization that he can be funny and enlightening if you:
- Squint really hard.
- Pay close attention to what he says, then immediately disregard it and make up your own commentary.
- Imagine Bill Walton in his place.

1st quarter

11:05 – Pierce gets called for his first foul for letting Tony Parker run into, and fall onto, him.

10:50 – KG jumper rattles in.

10:11 – KG gets called on a moving pick on Ginobili, who “sells it well” according to the personality drain. McHale points out that Ginobili was voted second-best flopper in the league. I saw that in my Sports Illustrated, so Kevin only gets a ½ point for “enlightening comment.” Number one vote getter in that flop contest? Derek Fisher. True enough, but Ginobili is still the most creative and versatile flopper, and he has the best flop video dedicated to him.

9:20 – Pierce tries to go up for a weak dunk off a rebound. Duncan stops the shot effortlessly, making Pierce look like a runt amateur.

8:54 – Glen Davis with a nice little 8-foot hook shot. The C’s would be dead without his ability to play taller than he is. And his ability to exude emotion that goes way beyond what is necessary.


7:43 – Rondo hits his second consecutive jumper. Wow. Are the planets aligned or something? Moon full?

Celtics 15 – Spurs 15

Jermaine O'Neal is in the game. Apparently he’s 12 pounds lighter to keep the extra weight off his knees. This may not seem like much, but I recently learned that every pound lost supposedly takes 4 pounds of weight off the knees. Seems like BS – not sure if it’s true, but it sounds good. I was watching some cable show called HEAVY about morbidly obese people trying to lose weight (did you know one-third of all shows on TV are now about morbidly obese people trying to lose weight? True fact), and the doctor told this enormous woman that very thing. Maybe he was just feeding her lines to make her feel better (and because she needed to be fed something). The doctor said something nice to her to encourage continued weight loss, but it would have been so awesome if instead he said something like “You’ve gone from 375 pounds to 345 pounds, Melinda. So before, it was like you were carrying the weight of the Eiffel Tower on your knees, but now, it’s like you’re carrying the weight of a...well...slightly smaller Eiffel Tower.”

Unintentionally dirty KM line of the evening: “I’m excited about O’Neal’s shape.”

4:28 – Parker slices through some we-can’t-play-defense-because-Perk-is-gone-even-though-he-was-injured-most-of-the-season-anyway-and-well-really-we’re-just-using-it-as-an-excuse-to-conserve-energy-and-limp-into-the-playoffs Celtics’ defense.

Spurs 21-17

3:32 – George Hill 3-pointer.

3:06 – Delonte West jumper. Can almost imagine him saying “I’m contributing!” in an over-excited, Downs Syndromy voice.

2:27 – Parker drives, gets foul call. KM is calling him “the best guard finisher since Nate ‘Tiny’ Archibald.” Is KM looking to compete with Bill Walton for the crown of King of Overstatement?

1:50 – Pierce follows a Rondo miss with an aggressive rebound between two spurs, hits the shot, foul call. Pierce asks for new ball to free throw, because it’s wet with sweat. KM provides a wonderful things-most-people-can’t identify-with comment: “Get my golf towel.”

:42 – Rondo with great, hanging up and under layup. KM comments that Rondo is “the best guard finisher since Tony Parker.” No he didn’t. Just kidding.

2nd quarter

11:11 – Ginobili three pointer

Spurs – 36-31

8:56 – Jeff Green follows his own miss. Teammates collectively give him a nice-shot-but-we’re-still-mourning-the-loss-of-Kendrick-Perkins look.

Movie ad Alert: The dragon-and-flagon comedy Your Highness. What is promising: Danny McBride is in it. Not Promising: “From the makers of Pineapple Express.” Marketers are actually using this as a selling point? Did they see Pineapple Express? I did. In the theater. It was a Date Night movie, and I picked it. Paid money and everything. When it was over, I had to look at my wife and say, simply, “Sorry.” So I would revise the ad to say “From the makers of Pineapple Express, but don’t worry – they learned from it, and this is way better, and not 20 minutes too long.”

6:35 – Ginobili makes KG look silly, faking a pass inside around KG’s right flank, turning KG full around, and hitting a layup over him. KM calls it the “Larry Bird Okeydoke” – and says “I always used to fall for that in practice.” I’m starting to realize what KM has decided his commentator “thing” is – self-deprecation. This will come up again later.

4:56 – Rondo goes coast to coast – then gets T’d up for “excessive hand gesturing.” Question: can you give a ref the finger and get the same call? Because I think flipping the bird would really be getting your money’s worth.

4:37 – Nenad Krstic pokes the ball from Duncan. Apparently, he can, in fact, play defense…against old men.

2:19 – The Lord giveth (in the form of Jermaine O’Neal), and the Lord taketh away. Krstic goes down with mysterious, disturbing no-contact knee injury. The other Celtics show zero emotion about the loss. There is a brief shot of Rondo on the bench twisting a needle into the knee of a Nenad Krstic Voodoo doll. I think this development could actually be good for the Celtics – with all their depression over losing the well-liked Perkins, is it helpful to have him replaced by a big, balding, European who plays mediocre defense, good offense, and can hit his free throws? He’s like the anti-Perkins, and a constant off-putting reminder of the trade. Krstic and Perkins are complete polar opposites, alike only in that English is their second language.

Half – 49-49

Halftime comment: My appreciation of Kevin McHale automatically rises ten-fold at the sight of brand new TNT commentator, Rick Fox. His slicked back hair and annoying good looks scream L.A., and yeah, I know he was a Celtic for a while, but he was overrated, and always had that God-I-wanna-play-in-LA look about him. And what kind of world do we live in where appearing on Dancing with the Stars is an effective springboard to career rejuvenation?Although I must admit, I love you, Ralph Macchio.

3rd Quarter

10:58 – Parker drives the lane and finishes for what seems like the tenth time. I’m starting to think his guy is the best finisher since Tiny Archibald.

9:08 – Glen Davis rebounds Allen miss, hits patented undersized-but-somehow-can-finish layup.

Unintentionally dirty KM quote #2: “That was a nice rim-run by Davis.”

8:20 – McDyess leaves with what appears to be an ankle sprain.

7:31 – After great Rondo finish, Parker right back for an And One, getting the foul call on Glen Davis.

6:34 – Bonner hits his second three in a row.

Spurs – 65-61

5:08 – Rondo defensive rebound, full length pass to Green for a lay up.

4:10 – Rondo jumper falls. Startling to see Rondo nailing outside shots. It’s like watching a panda juggle. 67 apiece.

3:45 – Rondo coast to coast, layup under Bonner’s armpit. KM calls it the “Right Guard shot.”

3:12 – Rondo jumper. KM proclaims: “It’s the Rondo show.” This is the same man who essentially said that it’s not a problem that Rondo can’t hit jumpers, because defenders lay off him and give him better looks at driving and passing lanes. Interesting theory, but Rondo is showing that actually hitting jumpers is kind of an effective tool for a guard to have.

1:46 / 1:17 – Jeff Green hits two difficult, contested lay-ups, shows why the Celtics wanted him. He has 8 points…4 of 6 from the floor.

Shot of Rondo sucking wind and drinking water on the bench after carrying the C’s for several minutes.

:14 – Ginobili makes nice move for lay up. KM calls it the Euro-step, which is essentially a side step that looks a little like traveling. KM’s self-deprecation rises from the ooze. “I’d pull a groin if I tried that.” And then adds that if he were an official, he’d be a crap one: “I’d call a travel on that all the time.”

4th quarter

McDyess is back.

Celtics – 79-70

10:40 – George Hill gets called for being out of bounds. He’s out by a foot. KM leans on the self-dep: “Even I coulda made that call and got it right. I’d be a bad ref too, by the way.”

KM notes they’ve put Ginobili on Rondo to put some size on him.

9:46 – Ginobili snakes in for a nice floater. KM: “It's almost Manu time.”

9:15 – Glen Davis and KG lock arms make a giant, football-style wedge screen for Rondo to shoot. KM says: “Look at the big green wall!” and he’s not even at Fenway. Who’d a thunk the C’s would be working to get Rondo to take a jumper?

Celtics – 86-78

7:44 – Allen hits big three. Big for him, as he’s been terrible tonight.

Celtics’ Defense is picking up. Must be the absence of that distracting anti-Perk European dude.

5:15 – Another Rondo jumper. 22 points, 0 turnovers. Not a typo. 0.

4:32 – After Glen Davis jumper to make it 93-81, see a brief glimpse of what appears to be the sexiest Celtics fan ever. Rewind DVR…not as good as I thought, but I was fooled by the form fitting lady-version Celtics jersey. Lady Jerseys. Best. Invention. Ever.

4:20 – Tim Duncan rises over Big Baby, who isn’t big enough to stop a grown man. KM states: “Big Baby did everything he could, besides grow.” Funny. Yay, old-style Kevin. Duncan has 9 in the quarter. Swallows a fly on one of his jumpers.


4:00 – KG jumper, which is deadly tonight – he’s 7 of 9

2:52 – Pierce drives, misses, rebounds own miss and puts it in. Big play.

2:19 – KG money jumper. Celtics: 99-90

1:46 – KG money jumper: Celtics: 101-92

Unintentional dirty quote from Harlan: “What a stroke for Kevin Garnett!”

1:29 – Rondo to Big Baby for reverse lay up. Celtics: 103-92. Game over.

Duncan called for goaltending. Game overer.

1:24 – Rondo shooting freethrows. KM calls it “Hack a Rondo” time. But Rondo doesn’t touch the ball from this point.

Rondo 22 points, 14 assists, 0 turnovers, 5 rebounds.

The game sign off sounds a little like an Airplane movie bit:

“Good working with you, Kevin.”
“Good working with you too, Kevin.”
“We have clearance, Clarence.”
“Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?”
“Tower's radio clearance, over!”
“That's Clarence Oveur. Over.”
“Over.”
“Roger.”
“Huh?”

Update:

This Division III guy is only 3 inches taller than me. Talented bastard. After his youtube dunk vid went viral, he proceeded to win the NCAA dunk contest. Props, homey.



Oh, and this mass hysteria happened. Hate everybody's behavior in this vid...Blake doing his best Manu Ginobili impression, Terry not letting it go, Barnes being one serious street thug who needs to be in every altercation. After the game, a guy in the parking lot was arguing with a hot dog vendor about the cost of a weiner, and Barnes went out and got involved in that too:

Labels: Boston Celtics, Evil Ted, Live blog, San Antonio Spurs

"We got Carlos Boozer back. Yay."
WizardsGenerals-Raptors: Let's go to our live correspondent (via the BAD comments):

Hey loyal Basketbawul readers! Toronto resident and faithful Craptors fan The Other Chris here with an eyewitness account of tonight's exciting lacktion - Craptors vs. Generals!

Now, the last time these two teams played on November 17th, the Raptors had just come off of a Florida back-to-back where - despite their 1-7 record - they beat Orlando at home and gave Miami a good run. They then travelled to Washington, to play one of the worst teams in the NBA, on three days rest.. and got their asses handed to them like a turkey on Thanksgiving. I personally stopped watching said game in abject disgust. The Internet tells me that the corpse of Gilbert Arenas scored 20 points, with Bawful All-Star Andray Blatche dropping 22 and Nick Young chipping in 20. This is without #1 overall pick John Wall, by the way.

So the stage was set for a classic revenge game. Or more bipolar girlfriend play from the Raptors. Which team would show up - the one that beats Orlando and Boston, or the one that gets bitchslapped at home by Atlanta and Charlotte?

Well, the Raps and Wiz must have a prop bet about who can suck more on the road, because Washington started badly and went downhill. Then rolled off a cliff, smashed into the bottom, caught on fire, and exploded. After allowing the Raptors to score 72 points in the FIRST HALF, Washington "responded" by coming out after halftime and immediately turning the ball over three times for three layups. 28 point lead, game over.

Someone forgot to tell Washington that the game had started and it was time to do things like defend the rim, or defend at all, because the Raptors were running a layup drill all night. Let's see - 58% from the field, 55% from three. And that doesn't begin to reflect the beating the Dinos laid on the hapless Generals. Seven Dinos reached double figures; basically everyone who can throw it in the ocean was free to do so at will. Only the offensively limited trio of Amir Johnson, Joey Dorsey and Julian Wright (5 minutes) really failed to score.

Surprisingly for a team which that features Andray Blatche and JaVale McGee at the power positions, the Wizards also managed to rack up a -22 rebound differential. You know, in the same way it was surpising that Ricky Martin is gay. And this without Reggie Evans playing, a player who has no discernible NBA skills other than "getting every fucking rebound". Andrea "Allergic to Rebounding" Bargnani had 8 boards fer Chrissakes.

Lastly, but certainly not leastly, this game featured extended minutes for the likes of Alonzo Gee (starting - way to "blossom", Al Thornton), Cartier Martin, Kevin Seraphin, and Trever Booker. Protip: If when the announcer calls the names of your players checking in, and someone as NBA-obsessed as myself doesn't know who they are, your team is in a whole heap of trouble. Had I been drinking, I might have assumed that I had some sort of aneurysm and ended up at a D-League game in Idado by accident. The talent and energy the Wiz showed tonight - giving up 100 points by the end of the 3rd quarter - was certainly reflective of that.

Basketbawful correspondent The Other Chris signing off. Next up: Craptors and Nyets, Friday, Decemer 17th!

PPS. There is one play in particular which summarized the goings-on of last night. The ball was swung to Sonny Weems on the left baseline, in the first quarter. There was no one within a country mile of him. He began to aggressively drive towards the basket, but hesitated for a split second - you could see him thinking, "Surely someone is going to rotate over and challenge me?". Well, the closest defender to the unfolding baseline dunk was Future NBA 1rst team _efence Null Star Andray Blatche. He took about 1/10th of a halfhearted step towards the baseline, then gave up and went into his famed statue defence. Sonny drove from the 3 point line to the basket, soared in for a dunk, and there was still no one with 5 feet of him.

Forgot about hand in the face. How about some part of the body in some general vicinity of someone.

Also the list of groups attending the game included as the last one: Vandelay Industries. I don't know if you've heard, but they're in latex.

The Chicago Bulls: I'll go ahead and refer you to my recap at By The Horns for all the grisly details of this massacre, but here are the lowlights:

Despite all the good vibes from Chicago's first winning circus road trip since the Michael Jordan era and the return of Carlso Boozer, the Magic straight up owned the Bulls. They got whatever they wanted. They scored at will and finished with an Offensive Rating of 126. As in 126 points per 100 possessions. They totally dominated that shaded rectangle known as the paint, outrebounding the Bulls 44-21 and outscoring them 27-10 in second-chance points and 46-26 in the paint. The 26 points in the paint were a season low for the Bullies. Their 78 total points were also a season-low. And the 21 rebounds were a franchise low.

Chicago's worst rebounding game ever? Yep.

The previous low was 25 boards in a 102-80 loss to the Miami Heat on February 18, 2002. That particular Heat team won only 36 games. That Bulls team -- which featued a starting lineup of Fred Hoiberg, Kevin Ollie, Trenton Hassell and "Baby Bull" rookies Tyson Chandler and Eddie Curry -- won only 21.

But the 2010-11 Bulls surpassed them in rebounding ineptitude. Speaking of which...

Joakim Noah, Worst Player of the Night: Back on Thanksgiving night, Charles Barkley predicted the Bulls would win the Eastern Conference and reach the NBA Finals. Not in the future, mind you. Chuck said the Bulls would do it this season.

This prompted a strong response from Joakim Noah:

"Poison. We're not in the Finals yet. I love Chuck. I think he's great for the game. I love his honesty. He always tells you how he feels. But it's poison. ... I want to be in the Finals. But just because Chuck says it doesn't mean that we're there, ya know? We got a long way to go. We got a big game against Orlando. ... I love Chuck, but at the end of the day, it's one thing to talk about it, and it's one thing to actually live it."

Remind me to add "prophet" to his next scouting report.

Noah -- one of the NBA's premier rebounders over the past two seasons -- began the night as the NBA's second-leading board hauler-inner at 13.2 per game. And he finished last night's ass-kicking with...

...zero rebounds.


Do you know when the last time Noah went an entire game without grabbing a rebound? It was December 27, 2008, in a 129-117 loss to the Atlanta Hawks. In that game, Noah logged five minutes and 35 seconds and finished with a five trillion. But there's a world of difference between the Joakim of then and the Joakim of now. Before last night, Noah had never gone rebound-less in games in which he'd played at least eight minutes. What happened?

I guess he was poisoned.

Said Noah: "It's frustrating. That's my job, to rebound the basketball, and I wasn't able to do that tonight."

No kidding.

Carlos Boozer: I know it was his first game back and all, and I realize that he's rather, ahem, slow afoot. But Rashard Lewis -- a guy I didn't even realize was physically capable of crossing over the three-point stripe -- walked right around him for an easy layup in the first quarter. That might have been Rashard's first layup since his Seattle days. Oy.

Update! Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: From Shrugz via ESPN's DailY Dime: "How'd the Heat do tonight? Was their chemistry good, did they all get along? Tomorrow, the only the thing that's going to be on ESPN is LeBron going back to Cleveland, right? Because ESPN only covers two stories -- Brett Favre and the Miami Heat. And then we have about five minutes for the rest of the sports world."

The Boston Celtics: Yes, the Celtics won their fifth game in a row to run their record to 14-4. And yes, the Frail Blazers lost their fifth game in a row and fell two games below .500. But Boston still earned a little stink eye for wasting a 57 percent shooting night not to mention a 96-80 lead by letting Portland go on a late 15-0 run to make it a one-point game with 42 seconds left.

It took a clutch three-pointer by Ray Allen -- who shot 3-for-12 and had been 0-for-5 on threes to that point -- to pull the C's fat out of the fire.

Mind you, this was a home game for the Celtics. But hey, giving up double-digit leads has been a trademark of this team for the past two seasons. So I guess everything went according to plan.

The Portland Frail Blazers: Yeah, well, there's that whole "two games below .500" thing to take into consideration.

Jermaine O'Neal: From the AP game notes: "Injured Celtics C-F Jermaine O'Neal told Rivers he hoped to begin working out again next week after being out with a sore left knee. O'Neal has played in just seven games this season."

The New Jersey Nyets: If a team was going to lose a triple-overtime game at home to the Oklahoma City Thunder on a night when Kevin Durant sat out with an injury...does it surprise you whatsoever that it was the Nyets?

Okay, maybe you'd expect it to be the Clippers, but still.

Believe it or not, the Nyets looked like destiny was on their side when Anthony Morrow sent the game to overtime on a running three-pointer at the end of regulation. But New Jersey couldn't hold onto a six-point lead in the first overtime and then, in the second overtime, they were leading by three with 4.6 seconds left when Stephen Graham fouled Jeff Green on a three-point attempt. Green sunk all three freebies, the game went to a third overtime...

...and, well, I'm sure you can guess what happened.

Actually, maybe you can't. Russell Westbrook -- who BLEW UP for 38 points, 15 rebounds, 9 assists and 3 steals and might be surpassing Kevin Durant as the best player on the Thunder -- scored all 13 of his team's points in the third OT.

That's not to overlook Jeff Green's career-high 37 points. But damn.

Said New Jersey coach Avery Johnson: "THIS IS A GAME OF WAVES AND CYCLES. THIS IS PROBABLY THE GAME OF THE YEAR IN THE NBA, IT'S JUST TOO BAD WE'RE ON THE LOSING END. I TOLD MY GUYS THAT I'M AWFULLY PROUD TO BE THEIR COACH."

In related news, the Nyets are now 6-13 on the year and 4-5 at home.

The Charlotte Bobcraps: Michael Jordan's team fell to 6-12 on the year -- and just 3-7 outside of Charlotte -- after being held to 11 fourth quarter points and scoring a mere 73 total points against the New Orleans Hornets.

Bobcraps coach Larry Brown -- who's probably already looking around and wondering which teams are going to have coaching vacancies this season -- said: "It's the same old, same old. We didn't match their intensity. They have a couple of finishers. West and Chris Paul took over. They defended great. They made every play and we didn't."

Stephen Jackson: The Bobcraps sure could have used Stephen Jackson during last night's fourth quarter meltdown. Too bad he was suspended.

The Los Angeles Lakers: Allow me to quote the opening line of the AP recap: "
The Los Angeles Lakers have lost four straight for the first time since April 2007." And now allow me to state a possibly significant fact: None of Phil Jackson's 11 championship teams have ever lost four games in a row.

I...I think I just got goosebumps!

The Lakers sure did look invincible during the first few weeks of the season, when they were playing mostly at home against sub-.500 teams. Now the defending chumps have lost four in a row, with the last two losses coming on the road against sub-.500 teams. And as Pat Sullivan of The Dream Shake noted, "Falling Sky" has been added to the list of natural hazards currently plaguing Los Angeles.

So what happened last night? The Lakers' defense "held" the still Aaron Brook-less and Yao Ming-less Rockets to 109 points on 50+ percent shooting and "shut down" Shane Battier, holding him to a mere 11 points in the final three minutes. And who was "defending" Battier during that stretch?

Mr. Bean.

Yep. As Basketbawful reader Bing pointed out, L.A. got beaten by this guy. Let's watch Battier dominate Kobe and the Lakers...shall we? Of course we shall.


And Kobe was pissed. So pissed, in fact, that I couldn't even read the Bucks-Nuggets recap without seeing his unhappy face. Which, naturally, made me very happy.

Kobe's displeasure...it's everywhere.
Said Kobe: "How do you know how good we think we are? We're fine. Are we going to win a three-peat today? Probably not, but the [expletive] is not played today. We've got to do a better job," he said. "Houston shot 50 percent tonight ... that's unacceptable for our defense. We're slow. We're slow on rotations. It looks like we're kind of running in quicksand a little."

On the subject of the Black Mamba, Kobe's having an interesting season. He's the NBA's second leading scorer at 26.7 PPG. Yet he's having his second-worst year shooting the ball -- or his worst-ever year if you go by eFG% -- and he's somehow managing to lead the league in shot attempts (leading second-place Monta Ellis 400-351) and Usage Percentage (leading second-place Kevin Durant 35.9 to 32.2) despite playing the fewest minutes per game (33.5) since his rookie season.

L.A.'s recent woes when Kobe takes 20+ shots have been well-publicized. Last night, he went 10-for-24. In fact, Basketbawful reader draftaraujo offered up this:

New formula if
X = Kobe Bryant,
Y = Shots taken

X+Y > 20 = Fail

Okay, almost done. Despite the presence of the game's "best closer," this graphic from ESPN Stats and Information illustrates how anti-clutch the Lakers have been this season:


Update! Ron Artest: From Dan B: "Unreal. From Deadspin: Ron Artest called into a Rockets post-game show pretending to be Luis Scola. Of course he did."

The San Antonio Spurs: When the Spurs opened the season with an NBA-best 15-2 record -- including 8-0 on the road -- did anybody think they'd lose to the Clippers? Anybody? Bueller?

No. Of course nobody thought this would happen. I mean, the Clippers had lost 18 straight games to the Spurs and owned the league's worst record at 3-15. And yet, against all reason, The Other L.A. Team has now beaten a team with the NBA's best record for the second time in 10 days thanks to last night's win against the Spurs and their recent victory over the New Orleans Hornets.

It...makes the kind of sense that doesn't.

Said Eric Gordon: "Yeah, we play well against teams that have a good record. We just have to compete like that all the time. Our offense was good, and we didn't have any letdowns during the game. We just have to be consistent."

It helps when the veteran team you're playing against is on the second night of back-to-backs and ends up shooting 35 percent.

Said Tim Duncan: "We played badly, bottom line. Nobody played well. I played awful. The ball wouldn't go in the hole. On top of that, Blake played great, Eric played great and they kept making shots down the stretch. ... Our defense gave us a chance, and we got to that threshold where a 3-ball or any made shot would have got us right in it, and we couldn't get the ball to go down."

Added Spurs coach Gregg Popovich: "You have to give the credit to their defense and to their energy, so I'm happy for them. It's the NBA, and anybody can beat anybody at any time."

I guess so.

Bonus bawful stat: San Antonio was outscored 56-34 in the paint despite the fact that Chris Kaveman missed his 11th straight game with a sprained ankle.

Bonus bawful quote: From the AP Recap: "When Duncan fell to the court holding his foot in the second quarter after drawing a foul on an apparently clean block by DeAndre Jordan, a fan near courtside screamed: 'We know bad acting, Tim Duncan. This is L.A.!'"

Duncan face!

Bonus bawful video and memo to the NBA: If you see Blake Griffin running toward you...GET OUT OF THE WAY.



I can't find video of Griffin posterizing Matt Bonner, but I can give you this quote from Basketbawful reader Andrei: "Not only did Matt Bonner get posterized by Griffin tonight, but his name is censored by twitter: '@jadande Wow, Matt ***** came this close to getting Mozgoved.'"

I'm pretty sure Basketbawful readers know what "Mosgoved" means, but just in case...

The Milwaukee Bucks: John Salmons broke out of his slump by scoring 21 points. Corey "Bad Porn" Maggette added 17. Freaking Larry Sanders had 14 points, 10 rebounds and a crazy 8 blocked shots. And Carmelo Anthony was ejected with 2:40 left in the third quarter for bitching at the refs about a no-call.

None of it mattered. The Bucks -- now 6-12 -- lost anyway.

Said Maggette: "They had their best player out with Melo getting thrown out of the game. We really should have capitalized on it but we didn't. We just didn't do the things we needed to do while they continued to execute."

For the game, the Bucks shoth 32-for-80 from the field and gave up 41 free throw attempts while bricking nine of their 32 freebies. Milwaukee actually led by as many as 11 points...then lost by double-digits after falling victim to a 'Melo-less onslaught.

The Detroit Pistons: The Heat found their easy button. It was the Pistons.

The Indiana Pacers: Indy began the day yesterday with a surprising 9-7 record and an even more surprising third-place ranking in Defensive Rating.

One game against the Jazz -- during which Utah scored 110 points and had 29 assists on 45 made baskets -- and the Pacers dropped to 7th in D-Rating. It didn't help that Indy scored only 88 points and gave up 26 points off 18 turnovers.

The Jazz are now 15-5 and a far cry from the discombobulated team that opened the season with a 110-88 loss to the Nuggets and then a 110-94 defeat by the Suns. Deron Williams had 26 points, 16 assists and zero turnovers. Al Jefferson (17 points, 10 boards, 2 blocked shots) has Utah fans saying "Carlos who?". And the Jazz look pretty darn tough.

Said Jerry Sloan: "We could have exploded early in the season. Guys could have gone south. But they stayed together."

As for the Pacers -- playing on the second night of back-to-backs and in their third road game in four nights -- they had no legs...as evidenced by Utah's dominance on the boards. The Jazz outrebounded Indy 46-32, including 19-7 on the offensive glass. During the first quarter -- when Utah outscored the Pacers 35-17 -- the Jazz had a 14-3 rebounding edge.

Al Jefferson, jump shooting quote machine: "I always had a jumper. I just never had to use it. I was always greedy. I like that paint. In this offense, you got to be able to hit that jumper."

Andre Kirilenko, broken english quote machine: "It's ups and downs in the NBA. You remember in preseason we won eight in row, then the beginning of the season we went down, then the road trip we went up then, home games we've been sloppy. Now we're up again. I hope we can stay up a little bit more."

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Grizzlies-Hawks: Zaza Pachulia didn't get wealthy in 11:59 after taking down three boards, but did get a 4:3 Voskuhl after three fouls and a turnover.

Thunder-Nyets: Royal Ivey struck a vein of gold coins and criminis in just 26 seconds for a Mario!

Generals-Raptors: Kevin Seraphin segued into the Association tonight with a 100% field goal percentage (on one shot) in exactly 13 minutes...only to counter that and a board with 4 fouls and a turnover for a 5:3 Voskuhl.

Frail Blazers-Celtics: Sean Marks made himself known for Portland tonight not by earning a board in 7:58, but by bricking thricely, losing the rock twice, and coming one foul away from leaving the game in a 7:1 Voskuhl!

For Boston, Von Wafer has continued to establish himself as the Association's premier lacktator after a 3 second Super Mario!

Pistons-Heat: Erick Dampier celebrated his presence in South Beach by reacting to a board in 8:11 with three fouls for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Magic-Bulls: Jason Williams searched for Princess Peach in 18 seconds in a Mario, while for Chicago, Kurt Thomas bricked once in 1:49 for a +1 suck differential.

Wolves-Mavs: Lazar Hayward tossed two pieces of masonry (once from Pioneer Plaza) for a +2 in 3:43.

Bucks-Nuggets: Gary Forbes opened up an early Christmas present of the Lost Levels cartridge in 44 seconds for a Mario.

Pacers-Jazz: Francisco Elson treated Utah fans to a 2:1 Voskuhl in 7:51 after garnering two fouls against a board.

Labels: Los Angeles Lakers, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night

I wonder if Dirk would be smiling so widely if he realizedthat he looks like the cover model for WNBA Live 2011.
The Dallas Mavericks

Last season, the Mavs won 55 games, which was the second-best mark in the Bestern Conference and fourth-best in the league (behind the Cavaliers, Lakers and Magic). Then they lost in the first round of the playoffs for the third time in the last four years. Sure, it was a six-game defeat by San Antonio, but the Spurs were swept clean in the second round. So I'm not sure that speaks very highly of how good the 2009-10 Mavs actually were.

And check it: Despite being a top team in terms of wins and losses, the Mavericks ranked only 8th in Point Differential, 10th in Offensive Efficiency and 12 in Defensive Efficiency. I say "only" because those are decent rankings. But "decent" and "championship-caliber" are two very different things.

And these Mavs are not contenders. I mean, what's changed?

Mark Cuban re-signed Dirk Nowitzki (four years, $80 million) and Brendan Haywood (six years, $55 million), and he traded Erick Dampier's expiring contract (plus Eduardo Najera and Matt Carroll) for Tyson Chandler's expiring deal (and Alexis Ajinca). Lesser (read that, meaningless) deals included drafting Dominque Jones and signing Ian Mahinmi to a one-year contract.

Other than that, all the Mavericks did was get older. The age of the team's top six players ranges between 30 (Caron Butler) to 37 (Jason Kidd). Dirk Nowitzki is still churning out points at a fairly efficient rate, but the rest of the crew seems to be in slow decline.

Why should we expect this squad to get any better?

Okay, there is a wee smidge of hope. Between Butler, Chandler and DeShawn Stevenson, Cuban has $27 million in expiring contracts. And you know what that means: Mid-season trade! Dallas could almost certainly pick up one or two key players with that kind of money. But unless it's a high-caliber All-Star or Superstar-level player -- which seems doubtful -- I don't see the Mavs leaping from also-ran to major player.

This team has finished with at least 50 wins for 10 straight years, and they'll either reach that mark or come close again this year. But another first round exit -- or, if they get a favorable matchup in round one, an elimination in the conference semis -- is about as optimistic an appraisal as I can muster for these guys.

Which means more Mark Cuban facepalms!

This never gets old. Never.
The Houston Rockets

During the 2009-10 campaign, the Rockets were the little engine that almost could. Despite losing Yao Ming to injury and Tracy McGrady to fail, Houston managed to win 42 games with a bunch of gritty role players giving their best. It was a true underdog story. [Insert uplifting music here -- maybe Queen's "We Are The Champions" -- and feel free to shed a single, dramatic tear.]

Unfortunately for the Rockets, they weren't in a movie. So instead of the happy ending where a group of scrappy misfits bust the odds to defeat a group of vastly superior athletes, the team got an early vacation.


So how did the Rockets improve over the summer? They locked up Luis Scola for five years (overpaying him with a $47 million contract), drafted Scola's backup (Patrick Patterson), overpaid ($24 million!) for backup point guard Kyle Lowry, overspent on Brad Miller ($15 million!) for Yao insurance, and traded Trevor Ariza for Courtney Lee.

Other than the Ariza trade, those moves don't look all that great on paper do they? Or a computer screen. Or an Etch-A-Sketch. But I keep hearing about what a crazy-mad genius Daryl Morey, so I'm sure these were championship moves. Now please wait a moment while I mop up all this dripping sarcasm.

Still, if Yao can stay healthy for once, the Rockets have two legit inside threats (Ming and Scola), a great young point guard (Aaron Brooks), a crack perimeter player (Kevin Martin), and a group of solid role players/shooters (Lee, Shane Battier, Chase Buddinger, etc.). The Rockets have talent. They definitely have talent.

What they also have is a franchise player who's body is made of broken glass covered in soggy marshmallow and tissue paper. Meanwhile, their second best player (Martin) is more of a crispy papier-mâché, having missed 88 games over the past three seasons. Oh, and two speedsters (Brooks and Lowry) surrounded by a bunch of guys who have the quickness of a thick paste (Battier, Ming, Miller, Scola, Chuck Hayes, Pat Patterson). It's kind of hard to fast break when most of your team takes 10 seconds or more to cross halfcourt.

Doesn't another Yao injury, 40-45 wins and a brave but ultimately futile playoff chase sound about right? Yeah, it sounds right to me, too.

The Memphis Grizzlies

The general consensus among NBA fans is that the Grizzlies had what was, for them, a wildly successful season last year.

Reality check: That success equated to a 17th place finish in Offensive Efficiency, a 24th place finish in Defensive Efficiency, 40 wins, and yet another year of watching the playoffs from the lavish comfort of their own homes while covered in Victoria's Secret models and hundred dollar bills. Or maybe fifty dollar bills.


When the 2009-10 season was about to open, some Basketbawful readers suggested an "Assist Watch" for the Grizzlies, who opened the year with Allen Iverson, O.J. Mayo, Rudy Gay and Zach Randolph on the roster...notorious ball stoppers one and all. Sure, Memphis sent Iverson packing when he started ranting about minutes -- which happened after the first game, mind you -- but that still left the Griz with a "Big Three" who live by the motto "I will go down shooting. And then shoot from my grave."

The result: According to ESPN's John Hollinger, the Grizzlies had the lowest percentage of assisted field goals last season. And according to Basketball-Reference.com, Memphis finished with only three more total assists than the 12-win New Jersey Nets.

Shock. Awe. More shock.

For all their "success," the Care Bares were a shot-happy, defenseless bunch who probably would have won only 30-35 games if they hadn't led the league in offensive rebound percentage (KBAs, baby!).

Don't worry. It gets worse.

During the offseason, owner Michael Heisley made a series of mystifying moves, like way overpaying ($81.6 million!) for Rudy gay, letting Ronnie Brewer walk (after having acquired him from Utah for a first round pick), immediately insulting two smart draft picks (Xavier Henry and Greivis Vasquez) by offering them 20 percent less than the maximum specified by the Collective Bargaining Agreement, and then selling the 25th overall pick in the 2010 draft to the Dallas Mavericks.

Oh, and he signed Acie "One and a half feet in the NBA grave" Law.

The Grizzlies have a beastly frontcourt in Randolph and Marc "Why am I still so underrated anyway?" Gasol, a couple streaky perimeter players in Gay and Mayo, and...Mike Conley at point guard. Ugh.

Adding Henry, Vasques and Tony Allen will improve the team's depth, but I wouldn't trust this bunch any more than I would trust Eddy Curry to guard my ham sandwich. This team won't make the playoffs. Heck, they probably won't win 40 games again. Maybe ever.

But at least they have Allen marinating in the locker room.

The New Orleans Hornets

Chris Paul is begging, crying, and even screaming for some help. And if the Hornets don't give it to him, he's probably going to leave.

Seriously.

Well, no worries, Chris: Help is on the way!

Here you go: Trevor Ariza, Marco Belinelli, Craig Brackins, Quincy Pondexter, Mustafa Shakur, Jason Smith, Jerryd Bayless! And Aaron Gray!!

Oh dear God. CP3 is so gone.

I mean, the starting five -- Paul, Ariza, David West, Emeka Okafor and Marcus Thornton -- is solid (if not spectacular) enough. But there's no depth. None. The New Orleans bench is like one of those old NBA Live games where the reserves were just a bunch of faceless guys who cheered and clapped in an endless loop. Even if everybody stays healthy and Chris Paul plays like a miniature Godzilla pumped up on Super Soldier serum, this team's ceiling is, what, 40-45 games? Unless coach Monty Williams turns off fatigue so the starters can play 48 minutes a night...oh wait, this isn't NBA Live.

The only winner here is going to be the Knicks when they trade for Paul at the deadline. Just kidding. But not really.

The San Antonio Spurs

Look, can we just agree that the window has closed?

Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. A lot of Spurs backers are pointing at the Tiago Splitter signing and using that as proof that there's still a glimmer of hope. Maybe even more than a glimmer.

I said it before and I'll say it again:


Look, I'm not trying to get lazy with my analysis here. But the Spurs aren't contenders for one key reason: Tim Duncan is in decline. It's hard to tell. I mean, he's played at least 75 games in each of the last five seasons (including 78 last year). His PER has been standing pat at 24+ for the past four seasons, including a fifth-place mark of 24.7 last year (which is only three-tenths of a point off his career PER of 25.0). And he's still in the top 10 in categories like Rebound Percentage, Defensive Rating and Win Shares.

See, that's how freaking amazing Tim Duncan is: Even in decline, he's awesome.

But he's not what he was. He's not. If you have an HD television, you can practically watch his knees creak. And even though he's still amazingly efficient and as smart as ever, he doesn't dominate the way he used to. He doesn't own games like in the old days. And when he has bad nights -- often against the better teams -- they're stinkers. Take his 5-point, 1-for-10 performance in a 110-84 loss in Orlando. Or his 6-point, 2-for-11 outing in a 92-83 home loss to the Lakers. Or even his 4-for-23 brickfest at Indiana.

Everybody has bad nights. And Duncan still has more good nights than bad ones. For instance, he had a 27-rebound game in a win over the Hawks and grabbed another 26 rebounds in that Indy game. But you can't automatically pencil TD in for total domination anymore. Which is a problem, because he's the foundation of San Antonio's offense and defense.

The Celtics can get away with Kevin Garnett's semi-gimpy knees because he anchors their defense but is only a happy addition on offense. Duncan is responsible for everything. Sure, Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili (assuming their health holds out) take pressure off on the offensive end. But the O begins with Duncan and the D ends with him.

Unfortunately, Duncan is 34 years old and his NBA odometer reads 977 regular season games and 35,577 game played, plus another 170 playoff games and 6,740 minutes played. Timmy has spent the last decade-plus carrying the Spurs on his back -- and make no mistake, Duncan (not Kobe, LeBron, or Shaq) was the best player of the 2000s -- and I just don't think he has it in him to keep doing it and win a championship.

Labels: Dallas Mavericks, Houston Rockets, Memphis Grizzlies, NBA season preview, New Orleans Hornets, San Antonio Spurs