The cHeat lost. And the universe is celebrating.


I don't even have much to say about this one. The Mavs played like a real team and the cHeat played like a bunch of pickup ballers who handpicked their squad to steamroll everybody and couldn't understand why they weren't.

That's the way it was all series.

I wonder how Miami fans feel about LeBron James right now. He checked out last night. Totally checked out. Anybody who watched the game knows it's true. The reality is, he seemed to check out a couple games ago, about the time things stopped going his team's way.

James was all celebration and swagger during the early rounds. The cHeat beat up on a flawed Celtics team and a Bulls team that still has some growing up to do...and nobody was more in-our-faces about it than LeBron. Dancing and air-punching and screaming after big plays. The closer Miami got to clinching a series, the better he got. He was at his absolute best when his team was on top.

When they stopped being on top...he faded slowly into the backdrop.

This is why I bristle every time LeBron starts getting compared to Michael Jordan. It happened again when the cHeat eliminated the Bulls. I couldn't believe it. I really thought that, at the very least, people should have waited until he owned the Finals and finally won a championship. His stats and abilities are so amazing that people want to crown him King before he's ready for the throne.

He's not. That much is obvious. Last night's game was ugly. He was passive. He played scared. He avoided contact and passed the ball like a hot potato.

This isn't meant to be a dogpile on LeBron. Not exactly. Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade weren't perfect. Bosh had a good offensive game but gave up some key offensive rebounds in the fourth quarter, and Wade shot poorly and was generally ineffective. But although those guys didn't play well, I never got the sense they stopped trying. Especially Wade. Dude looked locked in, even if he spent a little too much time looking to the refs to bail him out.

LeBron, the so-called best basketball player in the world and possibly the greatest physical specimen the league has ever seen, played like a roleplayer.

That cost Miami a championship. Or at least a Game 7.

And King Crab, as has been the case ever since The Decision, simply couldn't go down with class and dignity.

Said LeBron: "At the end of the day, all the people that was rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. I'm going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that. They can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal, but they have to get back to the real world at some point."

That lone statement speaks volumes about who and what LeBron is at this point in his life. Things didn't go his way in Cleveland and so he fled to Miami. Now there's nowhere to run and he wants us lesser mortals to remember he lives a better life than we do. Totally douchebaggery.

But you know what's great about sports? There's always a chance for redemption. Just as Dirk Nowtizki. Over the course of this year's playoffs, and especially in the Finals, Dirk destroyed all conventional thinking about his toughness and ability to come through when it matters. Words like "soft" and "choker" can't be used on him any more. He's a champion and a Finals MVP. One of the all-time greats.

The same thing can happen for LeBron. The story isn't over. But he has a lot of work to do -- both in terms of his game and his mindset. He could stand a large dose of humility for starters.

So, on behalf of myself, AnacondaHL, chris and Dan B., I want to thank everybody for another fun season of bawful. Tomorrow begins our summer reading program. Until then, enjoy all the press about LeBron's failures.

Chris's Slightly Belated, But Still Elated, Ewok Cheer Lacktion Report:

Labels: 2011 NBA Finals, Dallas Mavericks, Lebron James, Miami Heat

I wonder if Scottie Pippen is starting to have second thoughts...
The mockery of Dwyane Wade and LeBron James: They...they wouldn't make fun of Dirk being sick during Game 4 right before Game 5 would they? Or at the very least not on camera.


Okay. Never mind, then.

The Miami cHeat: They shot the ball exceptionally well (52.9 percent), hit 40 percent of their threes (8-for-20), knocked down most of their free throws (21-for-26) and got a huge boost off the bench from a red-hot Mario Chalmers (15 points in 23 minutes on 4-for-6 from downtown and 3-for-3 from the line). And, once again, they had the lead with under five minutes to go in the fourth quarter.

And, once again, they lost. The Mavs closed the game on a 17-4 run.

There were circumstances. D-Wade injured his hip running into the brick wall known as Brian Cardinal. And the Mavericks were just on fire: 56.5 percent from the field and an absolutely blistering 68.4 percent from beyond the arc. Dallas banged home 13 three-pointers. Several of them were wide open, but a handful of them were bad shots, Jason Terry's trey with 33 seconds left seemed to go in by divine providence.

Teams can win games based on disproportionately hot long-distance shooting. It's happened all season. Heck, Miami did it during these playoffs against the Celtics and Bulls. And the Mavs did it last night.

That wasn't the whole story, though. The cHeat were handling the rock like it was coated in creamy butter. They committed 18 turnovers for 21 points going the other way. The Nazgul combined for 12 of those 18 miscues.

Speaking of the Terrible Trio, they did some statistical damage. LeBron had a triple-double (17 points, 10 rebounds, 10 assists), Wade scored 23 points and went 10-for-12 from the line. And the Boshtrich finished with a double-double (19 points, 10 boards). And yet those three guys finished with plus-minus scores of -11, 13 and -13, respectively. They all committed damaging fourth quarter turnovers, and Wade and Bosh both missed foul shots in the final 12 minutes.

And then there was...

LeBron James: Basketbawful reader dwade posted the following comment:

I asked Lebron for change for a dollar. He gave me 75 cents and said, "Sorry, I don't have a 4th quarter."

Heading into last night's game, James posted "Now or Never!!" on his Twitter page. When asked about that Tweet, LeBron said: "It was a personal message to myself. That's just how I was feeling at that time, honestly. It was just a personal message to myself and had nothing to do with anyone else besides myself. I was just in a zone at that point … this is a big game, probably the biggest game of my life, well, not probably, it is. And I'm approaching it that way."

Really?

Look, it's not like LeBron didn't play well. He had a triple-double in an NBA Finals game. He made several smart basketball plays. But he didn't take over. Didn't transcend. Didn't prove what everybody loves to say about him: That he's the best basketball player in the world with a chance to be the greatest ever.

I mean...two fourth quarter points? Two?! And they came with 29 seconds left in a three score game on a layup the Mavs basically conceded. He wasn't just outscored down the stretch by Nowitzki (8 points in the fourth) and Jason Terry (also 8 points). He was outscored by J.J. Barea (6 points in the fourth).

Even ESPN's John Hollinger was left scratching his head:

Overall, he scored 17 points but needed 46 minutes to do it. The average NBA player this season, per 46 minutes, scored 18.9 points.

He shot 8-of-19 without a single 3-pointer. That's not good for anybody, let alone a player of this talent.

He had two free throw attempts. TWO. This continued a series-long trend of James being either unable or unwilling to attack the rim -- he has only 16 free throw attempts for the series.

He has 11 fourth-quarter points in five games, despite playing every minute of every fourth quarter. Eleven points in 60 minutes. That’s a wee bit south of superstar territory. Actually, it's a wee bit south of Juwan Howard territory -- he averaged 14 points per 60 minutes this season. Every Miami player except Joel Anthony scored at a higher rate.

Again, this isn't just any random guy. This is a two-time MVP who was the most coveted free agent in NBA history. This is one of the best players of all time, regardless of what happens in the next few days. This is the reason the Heat had a championship parade last July ... because when they got LeBron, they got the promise of dominating games like this one.

Or so they thought.

Boy, I bet Gregg Doyal is feeling pretty smug right about now. And...yep. He sure is.

Some more fodder from ESPN Stats and Information:

LeBron James has now scored just 2 points combined in the 4th quarter of the last 2 games. He is Miami's 5TH leading scorer over that span, despite playing all 24 minutes... He does however have 5 of the team's 10 assists...

From Elias: LeBron James is averaging 2.2 PPG during the 4th quarter of the NBA Finals. That is the fourth-lowest by a former MVP in any NBA Finals series over the last 25 seasons. The difference between James and the other guys on this list? His most recent MVP award came just one season ago whereas the others were well past their MVP-winning seasons.

Needless to say, LeBron James' scoring has been non-existent in the 4th quarter of this series... James is averaging just 2.2 PPG in the 4th quarter of these finals after averaging 8.2 in the Eastern Conference Finals over the Bulls. LeBron has yet to score more than five points in the 4th quarter of any game in the NBA Finals and has scored 2 or fewer points each of the last four games.

Mike Bibby and Joel Anthony: Turrible. Just turrible.

Shawn Marion's masturbatory celebratory gesture: Basketbawful reader Ash posted this animated gif of Shawn Marion air jerking. Speaking of animated gifs, Apocalypse34 posted this one of official Bill Kennedy apparently doing the Time Warp.

Anyway, here's some (admittedly bad) video of Marion's air wank:


Can you imagine the outrage if LeBron had done that? Speaking of which, TrueHoop's Henry Abbott makes a fair point about the Mavs' celebration late in last night's game versus the cHeat's back in Game 2. Let's face it: Everything the cHeat do is so much more hateable.

Tyson Chandler, quote machine: On a late (and slightly iffy) charge he drew on LeBron: "I felt like it was a charge. I [had] seen him drive baseline a couple of times in the course of this game and actually in a couple of games now. I’ve been thinking, 'You know if I could get there and set and make him think I’m going to jump I can get a charge.' [It] just so happened to be at a key time."

Jason Terry, quote machine: "We are getting the same looks we knew we would get. After Games 1 and 2, you watch it on film, you see it and then you realize where you're going to have the opportunities. I said to myself, I said to my teammates, 'We're not going to continue to miss those open shots that we're getting.' And so, again, being confident, preparing, getting extra shots in, in those spots is what allow you to go out in the game. And when you get those opportunities, knock them down."

Erik Spoelstra, quote machine: "They made their shots. This is a shot-making team. We were aware of that before we came into the series. They can really extend your defense and you have to be active and athletic, all of these things."

Jason Kidd, quote machine: "You're never too young or too old to always improve your game. At 38, I've always felt that I had to improve my shooting if I want to be on the floor and help my teammates out. As I've gotten older, it's just about timing and not so much scoring 20 points or having 15 assists or 10 rebounds. It's just being at the right place at the right time."

DeShawn Stevenson: On Brian Cardinal's surprisingly effective 10 minutes: "Brian hit a big 3, took a key charge and tried to take a charge on Dwyane and [Wade] hurt his hip. We have guys that have been in the league for a long time and are ready. It says a lot about our team with Brian coming in there having not played a lot of minutes in the playoffs and he's in the Finals giving his all. We just have guys in here that are very confident. We're a family."

LeBron James, quote machine: "I could have made a couple of more plays for my team. But at the end of the day, all it's about is a win or a loss. Triple-double means absolutely nothing in a loss. So we will be better in Game 6 on Sunday."

Dwyane Wade, quote machine: "I don't talk about injuries -- it was unfortunate I had to leave the game, but I came back and finished. Once you're on the court, you're on the court. I don't have no excuses. I'm smart enough to play the game without obviously being 100 percent. That's all I did when I came back. I'll be fine Sunday,” Wade said. “The good thing about life, good thing about this game, we get another opportunity, another crack at it. We'll do whatever it takes to win [Game 6]. We're confident."

Chris Bosh, quote machine: "We fought hard all season for home-court advantage. We're down 3-2. We protect home court, we win the series, so we just have to keep that in mind."

Chris' NBA Finals Lacktion Ledger: Joel Anthony went 100% from the field (on one attempt) in 16:12 as starting center, but fouled thricely for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Labels: 2011 NBA Finals, Dallas Mavericks, Lebron James, Miami Heat

The Miami cHeat: In the BAD comments, AnacondaHL said: "Tomorrow's post could just be an in-depth play-by-play of the last 5 minutes." We'll start with a basic play-by-play of Miami's offensive possessions over the final six minutes and 50 seconds:

6:50: Chris Bosh missed 18-footer
6:05: Bosh missed 18-footer
5:15: Bosh turnover
4:48: Dwyane Wade turnover
4:18: Mike Miller turnover
3:33: Miller missed three-pointer
2:59: Wade missed three-pointer
2:25: LeBron James missed 17-footer
2:25: Miller offensive rebound
2:17: Miller missed layup
2:16: Wade loose ball foul
1:53: Bosh 2-for-2 from the line
1:09: Haslem misses jumper
0:30: Wade 1-for-2 from the line (missed tying free throw)
0:09: Wade dunk
0:01: Miller airballed desperation three-pointer

To sum up: missed jumper, missed jumper, turnover, turnover, turnover, missed jumper, missed jumper, missed jumper, missed layup, two made free throws, missed jumper, one made free throw, dunk, missed jumper.

Remember: Miami's offense feature two of the top five players on the planet. And another All-Star to boot.

Also remember: LeBron James is either the Next Michael Jordan or destined to be even greater. Speaking of which...

LeBron James: Remember how Jason Terry's trash talk was supposed to "fuel the Heat's fire"? And how, when Terry questioned whether LeBron could consistently shut him down in the fourth quarter over seven games, Bosh said:

"You have to let sleeping dogs lie sometimes. It's motivation. For us, it is an opportunity to not let up. Guys are talking and it fuels you.

"If he wants LeBron to turn it up then that's great motivation for LeBron," Bosh said. "Guys remember that when we're out on the floor. LeBron is going to remember that late in the game when it is close and Terry is going to try to get going. LeBron is going to guard him and we'll see who comes out on top."

Well then.

From ESPN Stats and Information:

One of the big storylines heading into Game 4 was the comments made by Jason Terry and how LeBron James would guard him in the fourth quarter. Terry backed up his talk and nearly outscored the Heat's Big Three by himself down the stretch. Terry had eight points in the final quarter and didn't turn the ball over while Wade, James and Bosh combined for nine points and five turnovers.

LeBron had eight points and it was the first time in his 90 career playoff games that he was held to single-digit points. His teams are now 0-7 when he scores 15 points or fewer in a postseason game. James attempted just one shot in the fourth quarter and failed to score despite playing all 12 minutes. This is just the second time he's failed to score in the final period of any playoff game.

Dirk's dominating performance and LeBron's disappearing act in the fourth quarter this game continues a trend from the entire series. Nowitzki has now outscored James 44-9 in the final period while making as many field goals as James has attempted while making six times as many free throws.

LeBron's final line: 46 minutes, 3-for-11, 8 points, 9 rebouns, 7 assists, 2 steals, 4 turnovers, 4 fouls, -6. And, of course, that big old goose egg in the fourth quarter.

Said Bosh: "He struggled. Point blank, period."

Continued LeBron: "I've got to do a better job of being more assertive offensively. I'm confident in my ability. It's just about going out there and knocking them down."

Added cHeat coach Erik Spoelstra: "We'll have to look at the film. Obviously we would like to get him involved. He's a very important piece to what we do. So we'll work to help make it easier for him next game."

Wait, what? Miami's coaching staff needs to look at the film to get LeBron James more involved in the team's offense?

Anyway, back to...

The Miami cHeat: I highlighted the final 6:50, but check out Miami's fourth quarter totals: 14 points on 5-for-15 shooting (33 percente) with 6 turnovers. LeBron went scoreless. Bosh went 8-for-12 in the first half but only 1-for-7 over the final 24 minutes, and he clanked consecutive jump shots down the stretch. Wade missed a freebie that would have tied the game with half a minute to go.

Then, after Terry knocked down two free throws with 6.7 seconds left to put Dallas up 86-83, Spoelstra called a 20-second timeout to get possession in the frontcourt. Miller inbounded to D-Wade, but Wade (who was curling around a screen) took his eyes off the ball and it bobbled off his hands. Pookie barely managed to recover the ball and fling it to Miller for what may have been the crappiest and most hopeless last second shot attempt I've ever seen in a Finals game: A 30-footer over Tyson Chandler while falling out of bounds.


Said Wade: "I saw an opening. Mike threw the ball and I was trying to get to the opening, probably before I caught it. That's how I lost it. Obviously I would love to have that play back. We would love to have a lot of plays back."

Another fourth quarter collapse. And this is a trend, folks.

Jeff Fogle of Hoopdata writes:

Let's take a look at the final six minutes from each of the four games played so far. That will give us a 24-minute "half" of basketball we can use for a crunch time comparison.

FINAL 6 MINUTE "SCORES" IN EACH GAME:
Game One: Miami 17, Dallas 15
Game Two: Dallas 20, Miami 5
Game Three: Dallas 12, Miami 7
Game Four: Dallas 11, Miami 7

Total: Dallas 58, Miami 36

How's that for a "halftime score?!" Let that register for a minute. Dallas is up 22 points IN CRUNCH TIME, putting points on the board consistently against a defense that now, suddenly, isn't looking so scary. And, Miami should be pretty humiliated that they just popped 5, 7, and 7 points in the final six minutes of the last three games. It took a huge first game just to get them to 36! Dallas is up 43-19 in the final six minutes of action during the last three games.

Some people are citing fatigue, which sounds reasonable considering the Nazgul keep logging 40+ minutes a game. But then how do you explain Dirk's 44 fourth quarter points over four games? Nowitzki's logging epic minutes, too, and he scored 10 points down the stretch last night despite a sinus infection and a reported fever of 101 degrees.

By the way, during these Finals, Dallas is now +30 when Dirk is on the floor and -35 when he's not. With all due respect to Henry Abbott and Rick Reilly, in my humble opinion, the MVP of the playoffs so far is seven feet tall and blond.


Dwyane Wade: Pookie was Miami's player of the game (32 points, 13-for-20, 6 rebounds) but he bricked three freebies -- including one that would have tied the game -- and blew the final play of the game to hell. As stephanie g pointed out: "LeBron looked like a big armless Rondo out there and Marion is arguably outplaying him for the series, or at least playing him to a draw. All the same, imagine if LeBron missed a critical freethrow and had butter fingers on the inbound pass like Wade did."

Three-point shooting: Clink. Clank. Clunk. Dallas went 4-for-19 from downtown and Miami was 2-for-14. The two starting lineups combined to go 0-for-13. Is fatigue setting in on both sides? Sure looks like it.

Peja Stojakovic: His NBA Finals minutes were stolen by...Brian Cardinal.

Wow.

Brendan Haywood: How poorly did he play in his three-minute stint? His only stat was one foul committed and the Mavs were outscored by 10 points while he was on the floor, prompting Tyson Chandler to jump up and ask Dallas coach Rick Carlisle to be subbed back in.

Said Chandler: "I told Coach, 'You have to get me back out there, I will play 48 (minutes) if I need to.'"

Speaking of Chandler...

Tyson Chandler: We call this an ego-ectomy:


LeBron James, flop machine: Didn't James Harden get crucified for shenanigans like this? Memo to LeBron: You're too good for theatrics like this.


Dirk Nowitzki, quote machine, Part 1: "Just battle it out. This is the finals. You have to go out there and compete and try your best for your team. So that's what I did."

Dirk Nowtizki, quote machine, Part 2: "There's no long term. I'll be alright on Thursday. ... Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight, take some meds and be ready to go on Thursday."

Tyson Chandler, quote machine: "The average person, you know, has sick days and battling 100-something (fever), it's just tough to get out of bed. This guy is playing against the best athletes in the world."

Chris Bosh, quote machine: "There is not an illness report before the game or anything. I've never been out there and somebody pointed and said, 'He's got a fever!' "

Erik Spoelstra, quote machine: "This series is a jump ball. These guys live for these type of moments. It's about execution and disposition in the fourth quarter, being able to close out. We have a golden opportunity in the next game."

Jason Terry, quote machine: "The aggression was there for me personally. And I like that, that I was on the attack, which I said I would be. But as far as that relating into baskets, it didn't really happen for me."

Brian Cardinal, quote machine, Part 1: From TrueHoop: "It's The King vs. The Custodian! It's an unbelievable player against ... me."

Brian Cardinal, quote machine, Part 2: Also from TrueHoop: "[The Custodian is] a nickname from back in the day. Now I'm just happy if people call me Brian."

Chris' NBA Finals Lacktion Report: Brendan Haywood hobbled his way to a foul in 185 seconds, earning a +1 suck differential and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl. Fellow Texan Peja Stojakovic had only two seconds of playing time for a celebratory Super Mario!

Labels: 2011 NBA Finals, Dallas Mavericks, Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry, Lebron James, Miami Heat, Worst of the Night

Thanks to stephanie g. for the pic.

The _allas interior _efense: Okay, so the Mavs actually outscored the Heat 40-36 in the paint. I know. But Miami had nine dunks last night. Nine. In a Finals game. I'm pretty sure I've never seen nine dunks by one team in a Finals game before. At least not since the Showtime Lakers of the 1980s...and maybe not even then. Eight of those jams were hammered down by Dwyane Wade (five dunks) and LeBron James (three dunks). It's like they were playing on a Jordan Jammer.


Giving up dunks can be deadly to road teams. They get the crowd and the home team totally pumped. Every throwdown by James and Wade felt like it actually subtracted points from the Mavs' score, NBA Jam-style.

Fortunately for Mark Cuban's remaining sanity, the Heat got caught up in...

Premature celebrations: D-Wade knocked down a cold-blooded triple to give the Heat an 88-73 lead with 7:14 left in the fourth quarter...and LeBron reacted like Pookie had just nailed a buzzer beater in Game 7. Or cured cancer. Or brought about world peace. Or defeated the recently discovered and totally not made up Worms from Hell.

The celebration began in front of the Dallas bench. Not the best location for it.


Said LeBron: "It was no celebration at all. I was excited about the fact [Wade] hit a big shot and we went up 15. We knew we had seven minutes to go still. As far as 'celebrations,' that word has been used with us all year."

Uh huh.

After the game, Wade was questioned about it:


"A celebration is confetti. A celebration is champagne bottles."

Yeah. Right. Tell that to the Mavericks.

Said Tyson Chandler: "Hitting shots, posing on us, it's upsetting. I think it angered a lot of us. You see all the celebrations, and they're throwing towels, and you say ... 'Is the game over?'"

And, as it happened, the game wasn't over.

Jennifer Floyd Engel of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram wrote:

Of course, they over-celebrated.

And, of course, it was premature as well.

This is The Heat and this is what They and The Big Three and mostly LeBron do best, prematurely crowning themselves champions of nothing that actually matters.

So nobody should have been too surprised when Dwyane Wade capped his 3-pointer to give Miami a seemingly insurmountable lead with 7:14 remaining in Game 2 of the NBA Finals with a couple of poses. He preened a little for the crowd, nothing too awful, kind of like what DeShawn Stevenson does.

And then LeBron came over and pushed the celebration over the top by fake punching DWade in the chest like "you the man, we the men, we did it." The move looked choreographed by LeBron's mom it was so cheesy.

And all of this went down right in front of the Mavs' bench as coach Rick Carlisle and his players watched absolutely gutted which turned to looking punching angry which morphed into steely resolve.

All of them had that look.

"We noticed," Mavs big man Tyson Chandler said from the locker room as he iced his weary ankles. "It was definitely frustrating."

So I asked: Did it motivate y'all?

"When you got a guy showboating in front of your bench with seven minutes remaining, you say 'The game is not over. I don't care what they say, the game is not over,'" Chandler said.

And Carlisle made that point to them before sending them back out.

Look, maybe Wade is right. Maybe he and LeBron were doing what players on every team do after big shots. But it's pretty clear they lit a fire under their opponents.

The Miami cHeat: Here's a rundown of Miami's offensive possessions after building that seemingly insurmountable lead:

Wade missed three-pointer (heat check); Mario Chalmers missed three-pointer; LeBron missed layup (he totally left it short and then hacked his own arm to the refs trying to indicate a foul that never happened); Chris Bosh missed 21-footer; LeBron 2-for-2 from the line; LeBron missed 16-footer; Bosh turnover; Udonis Haslem missed 15-footer; LeBron missed three-pointer; Wade offensive rebound; Lebron missed three-pointer; Haslem offensive rebound; Haslem turnover; Wade missed three-pointer; Mario Chalmers made three-pointer (more on this below); Wade missed three-pointer.

What does all this prove?

Well, first of all, players shouldn't get too excited about 15-point leads when there are over seven minutes left to play against an elite and experienced team.

Second, you'd really rather have James and Wade chucking threes -- they were a combined 2-for-14 from downtown -- than dunking the ball.

And finally, I really don't think we should start comparing LeBron (0-for-4 and only 2 points in the fourth quarter) to Michael Jordan. Now or ever. Those comparisons never help. They only hurt.

While the cHeat offense was devolving into (or continuing to be) a lot of clock-eating one-on-one garbage, the Mavs dutifully ran their sets and got open lanes or open looks. And, to their credit, they got hot at the right time. Especially Herr Dirk, who served up a plate of ice cold revenge for the 2006 Finals.

According to ESPN Stats and Information: "Dirk Nowitzki scored the Mavericks' last nine points, going 4-for-5 from the floor, and scored or assisted on 12 of their last 14 points. ... The Mavs shot 54.3 percent (19-for-35) when Nowitzki had a touch on the possession, including 77.8 percent (7-for-9) in the fourth."

Jason Terry's clutch defense: Wha...what was he doing?


Terry hit some big shots during the comeback, but his defensive brain fart could have cost his team the game.

Miami's last possession defense: Don't get me wrong. Dirk made a great move and hit a tough left-handed shot. But the cHeat let him go one-on-one without any help. This is Dirk freaking Nowitzki. And Miami had a foul to give and didn't take it. Whoops.


Dave Hyde of the South Florida Sun-Sentinel wrote:

In its time-out huddle, Dallas coaches expected the Heat to use its one foul to give. In its time-out huddle, Heat coaches talked about the foul to give without Dallas going into the bonus.

As Dirk Nowitzki made his move, Heat coach Ron Rothstein shouted, "Foul! Foul! Foul!"

Chris Bosh didn't foul him. No one did. So with 3.6 seconds left in the game Nowitzki made a nice drive for a lay-in basket that gave Dallas the unlikely win and evened the NBA Finals series at 1-1.

Bosh, asked about it, simply said he made a "mental mistake." A costly mental mistake, to be sure. And an unfortunately strange one for as smart a player as Bosh is and as solid a playoffs as he's had.

Sometimes you get beat by a shot in the NBA. But you shouldn't get beat because you didn't give the foul you were supposed to give.

And sometimes you take a lot of crappy threes in the final seven minutes.

D-Wade's last second flop: Love the delayed grabbing of the eye and reaching out toward the officials. "Why hast thou forsaken me?"


Joel Anthony: Wonder how the Heat lost the rebounding battle 41-30? It starts with the fact that Anthony (1 board in 27 minutes) was outrebounded by J.J. Barea (3 rebounds in 14 minutes). Anthony added zero points to his rebound total, providing what had to be one of the worst games by a starting center in NBA Finals history.

The Heat might have won this game if they could have replaced Anthony with the Greg Ostertag from the 1997 Finals.

The Mavs' butterfingers: Don't let it be said that Dallas played the perfect game. They gave up 31 points off 21 turnovers. Jason Kidd and Nowitzki combined for 10 of those TOs.

Chris Bosh's tongue: An anonymous commenter left this link. Brain bleach, anybody?


Non-technicals: In Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals, Taj Gibson was hit with a quick technical foul for turning away from the officials and screaming "No!" after getting called for a personal. Yet, somehow, D-Wade evades a technical despite jumping around and going off on referee Ken Mauer. Just sayin'.


Chris' NBA Finals Lacktion Report: Peja Stojakovic lost the rock once in 4:57 for a +1, Brendan Haywood hacked one field goal in 8:11 with two fouls and a turnover for a 3:2 Voskuhl Brendan Haywood was hurt and therefore had his lacktion nullified (thanks AK Dave), and Brian Cardinal fouled once in 60 seconds for a +1. Meanwhile, South Beach's starting big man Joel Anthony countered one board in 26:49 with three fouls for a 3:1 Voskuhl!

Labels: 2011 NBA Finals, Dallas Mavericks, Miami Heat

I go into these Finals with a bias resembling that of everyone outside the greater Miami area – I hate the Heat. Whether that hate is rational is another story. In the face of my bias, I will nonetheless try to point out bawfulness whether or not it resides in a Heat uniform.


In a related story, Oakland Raider fans deemed "sane."

Hell, I might even point out awfulness on other channels. Did you know America’s Got Talent? Well, now I do. Think a LeBron James dunk is more thrilling than a man standing in water juggling 500,000 volt tasers attached to sticks? Well, what happens to LeBron when he misses a dunk? He just misses the dunk. You know what happens to taser juggler if he falters? Instant, public, humiliating death – on a stick. Literally.

Side note: Should the Finals loser be subjected to instant, public, humiliating death? Discuss.

Alright, let’s get on with it:

Erik Spoelstra has an opening interview in which he is finally starting to tone down the drama talk about all that his team has been through. Perhaps the Heat public relations folk have finally given him a talking to (after they read this blog of course).

In this Interview, Spo uses terms like “A little bit uncomfortable” “a little bit of adversity”…that’s more like it. Thanks, Erik, yes…a slow start and a five game losing streak a few months ago is does not quite equal the “a lot of heartache” you’ve been touting in the past.

1st Quarter:

5:46 remaining – teams combine for 4 for 19 shooting. Feeling each other out. Typical start for two teams shaking off the nerves.

3:26 left – LeBron puts his hand into Kidd’s forearm after a three-pointer is away. It’s almost like he does this to get into the shooter’s head. Still, it’s dangerous – while a look at NBA rules reveals nothing to prevent this, officials call it, altogether now…inconsistently. Still, LeBron is at home, so I think he’ll be OK.

37.3 – Jason Terry gets fouled trying to dunk on LeBron. Jeff Van Gundy (JVG) indicates it could be an offensive foul. “If anything that could have been an offensive foul, wiping away.” Replay shows Terry extended the off arm, but LeBron was all over him and an offensive foul call would have been absurd. I’m starting to think that JVG is addicted to contrarianism – whatever you have to say, whatever is the standard line of thought, he will question it, play Devil’s advocate, consider an alternative line of thinking. At times, this results in the most brilliant, insightful commentary. At others, it makes you wonder if he’s smoking the peyote.

:15 – James “almost” gets his third foul elbowing Barea in the face. Slow motion replay shows Barea was trying to sell it. Good no call.


Pictured: Stifling _allas _efense

2nd quarter:

11:26 – Bosh with a nasty slam off a Lebron miss. Miami up: 18-17

10:07 – Haslem and Miller double-team Dirk, earning a jump ball. Defense on Dirk has been solid, making the German seem out of rhythm.

Side Note: The single benefit to the Heat winning the Finals will be less talk comparing Dirk to Larry Bird. I’ve already made my stance known on this issue

10:02 – Chalmers steals the ball from Barea off the jump. While trying to secure the ball, Chalmers steps out of bounds twice. JVG starts with the peyote talk: “Here’s the thing…if his dribble is released when his foot is on the line, and then it comes up, and then he touches the ball, I don’t think that’s out of bounds. That’s very hard to see, certainly, but…”

For a second, I’m wondering if this is surprise brilliance in a bottle – I mean, has JVG just discovered a new basketball law in which you could jump out of bounds each time the ball leaves your hands during the dribbling motion? Then, of course, a little extra thought makes the whole notion come down like a house of cards – you’d have to reestablish both feet in bounds between each dribble, yada yada. God, what would it be like to live in JVG’s brain for a day?

Anyway, his comment on the dribbling-out-of-bounds argument is deservedly ignored – even by Breen, who is essentially paid to listen to him.

6:54 – Bosh acts his way into an over the back call, negating Haywood’s resulting hook shot. This strikes me as the first play that would qualify for consideration in my Actual Score champion idea. Assuming it’s in effect, Mavs go to +2.

America’s got talent alert:
Amazingly the guy standing in water juggling 1.5 million volts has walked away unharmed. Some dude who just sings and dances, however, manages to almost kill himself falling off stage.

5:44 – Breen, Mark Jackson (MJ), and JVG discuss the way LeBron made his decision: From Breen: “[The Heat are] still a team the fans root against…you take away the decision, you take away the press conference, this is an unselfish team, hard-working team, they play defense, they do all the right things…all lot of people still look at them as villains.” Yes, they do, Mike. I wonder what JVG has to say on the subject?

JVG, quote machine: “You look at LeBron James, he’s never gotten in any type of scandal. All he decided to do was go to a different place to work, and it just shows you that we celebrate athletes that go through addictions, go through problems with the law…this isn’t what LeBron James has had problems with. He made a questionable decision at best to have ‘The Decision’ and I think maybe the Miami Heat organization did themselves a disservice by having that over the top celebration…If that’s all they’ve done wrong, I don’t understand why [the hatred] is prolonged, unless it’s because [fans] don’t like players who jump from one team to another. They like to see what Nowitzki did, stay with one team their whole career.”

JVG’s got me thinking again, that bastard brainiac. Yup, LeBron hasn’t had a whiff of a drug scandal, a misdemeanor, a sexual assault, and yet so many, including myself, despise him for what he did. My best analysis of this would be that we don’t really care what athletes do to themselves or to those around them, no matter how heinous it might be. We are a self-centered society, we are. And when LeBron decided to take his talents to South Beath, and not to my team, or yours – he insulted me, and you – personally. I mean, if he was going to slight his home state, he should have at the very least become a Celtic, right?

JVG has more words to put us all to shame: “Wouldn’t every working American want to choose where they work and who they work with if they could? And so we resent the thing that we would want in our own profession.”

Thanks Jeff, for making me want to kill myself for being such a selfish bastard. And then you have to go and be hilarious too:

JVG: “I think it does bother [LeBron], what other people think of him.”
MJ: “I don’t think it bothers him at all. I think it motivates him to continue to be great.”
JVG: “I disagree with that. I think he was already motivated.”
MJ: “You disagree with everything I say.”
JVG: “I disagree.”

2:18 – Dirk hits an unguardable shot off the glass

1:26 – Chalmers 3 ties the game at 38.

1:12 – Kidd alley oop to Chandler. Awesome. It’s not a Mavs game without at least one of those.

Nearing the half, someone mentions that Stuart Scott has cancer. I feel like I have been under a rock. A googling of “Stuart Sco…” prompts the following top Google suggestions:

Stuart
Stuart Scott cancer
Stuart Scott glass eye

Cancer is ABOVE “glass eye”? Damn, how do I not know this? My TV is on Sports Center all day long. They made a point to tell me Jalen Rose was arrested for DUI, but I missed the big C? See how selfish a society we are? Stuart Scott has cancer, and all I care about is that I didn’t know it. My personal shame meter has reached 8.

Halftime
44-43 Mavericks

Dirk is a pedestrian 4-10, but the Mavs are up one...not a good sign for the heat. Although nothing that seems to be a bad sign for the Heat has really mattered these days, given how they’re finishing games.

Dwayne Wade interview: When asked about all the people who seem to hate the Heat. D Wade takes it 18 intellectual levels down from a typical JVG conversation:

D Wade, Quote machine: “When you look at the letters that’s in HEAT, it equals HATE. You can take HATE right out of HEAT. It’s fitting.”

Dwayne then proceeded to list the rest of the words that can be made from the letter in HEAT:

EAT
ATE
HE
TEA
AT
HAT

Made me think: Forget the basketball court, he might even kick my ass in Boggle.

3rd quarter:

Mavericks open the second half on a 7-0 run. Mavs 51-43, but no lead seems safe…

Fun fact: Graphic indicates that the average age of the Mavs starting five is 32.2 years. Is Jason Kidd 50 or something?

6:30 left – Haywood misses a dunk – Look for it on the "Not top ten."

5:48 – Marion puts Mavs up 57-53

WIRED with Erik Spoelstra:

ES: “This is gonna be a grind. Get into the grind.” I think he has said that over and over in each of the last three playoff series, has he not? Thank the Lord we have young minds like his to fill the coaching void left behind by Phil Jackson.

Haywood steps to the freethrow line: Stat shows his FT shooting at 36 percent in the regular season, 46 percent in the playoffs. How many guys are there in the league could have Kendrick Perkins and Rajon Rondo jointly snicker at his freethrow shooting?

1:11 – James 3-pointer puts the Hate up by 1 – 60-59. And it begins.

0:00 – LeBron sticks another 3 before the buzzer. 65-61 Hate.

4th Quarter:

11:45 – Alley oop to LeBron broken up by...Chris Bosh. Apparently only the Heat can stop the Heat.

11:00 – Miller 3-pointer puts the Heat up 68-63.

Carlisle is upset at a guy in the stands waving a huge flag on Haywood’s freethrows. JVG with a nice quote about Haywood’s crappy FT shooting: “Maybe that’s a good thing, that [Haywood] gets disrupted at the freethrow line.”

10:31 – JVG with a George Bushism quote machine: “Jason Kidd is 38 and he’s playing with the energy and speed of a guard who’s, like, in his 30’s.”

9:28 – Bosh falls all over himself and gets 24 second violation. Ends on the floor hugging the ball. Pure Boshiness.

8:43 – Loose ball foul on Nowitzki. There is nothing there. Horrible call. Only thing the official could have been seeing is Mike Miller a few feet away lunging forward as if pushed. Breen “Didn’t look like there was a lot there.” Actual score adjustment: Mavs +2

7:32 – Ridiculous offensive foul on Chander. Haslem hooks Chandler, who is standing still for a pick. Haslem sells the bologna. JVG: “Dis-a-gree” MJ: “Ditto.” Breen “Haslem sold that pretty well.” Actual score adjustment: Mavs +2.

5:41 – LeBron hits arm after ball gone on a Terry three. No call. As I said earlier, technically not a foul, but risky. But not all that risky at home. Steve Javie ignores Terry flop. No point adjustment.

3:58 – Marion gets a foul call on Mike Miller. Breen: “That’s the right call” JVG: “Ho, ho, ho, [Marion] ducks his head and uses it as a battering ram on Mike Miller. What is Mike Miller supposed to do?” JVG apparently not counting the headlock by Mike Miller as relevant. No point adjustment.

3:44 – Dirk Nowitzki – Clean strip on Chris Bosh, who sells it with a flail. MJ and JVG agree it was a clean strip. Actual score adjustment: Mavs +2.

3:06 – 82-73 – D Wade three makes it 82-73 Hate.

2:48 – Filthy LeBron slam punctuates the finish.



Final - 92-84
With actual score adjustments: 92-92. Damn it. Imaginary overtime? Oh well, the Hate are consistently performing well down the stretch, so we’ll give them this one, grudgingly. Heat up: 1 game to none.

And now comes the news that Dirk has a torn tendon in his finger, so what's it matter now anyway? Heat in 6.

Labels: Dallas Mavericks, Game 1, Miami Heat, nba finals 2011

No KD, that's the wrong ball. It's over, just...look, you're making this hard on both of us...

Kevin Durant's acne: Good morning readers of Basketbawful! We started off the night with some excellent close-up KD interview acne....bleegh. Eh, the ESPN pre-game is crap anyways, I'm turning it off until 9.

But I couldn't resist hearing what "bold predictions" would be made tonight:

Magic: KD 50 in a loss
JB: J.J. with 25-8 in DAL win
Wilbon: OKC win tonight

Sadly, it was obvious that JB made the most reasonable guess. And so it was.


The Chokelehoma City Blunder: Here we go again. Up by 7, 5 minutes to go, close out by getting out-scored by 17-6. How did this happen? Again?

The game started ugly, with Dirk's failed attempt at Kevin Love Outlet, and for the whole game Dallas was TERRIBLE at recognizing Nick Collison on the baseline just outside the paint. But the tide first changed with yet another Harden flop attempt. Only this time, the home crowd did not buy it at all, and neither did the refs.

(video?)

But that didn't stop the refs from sucking in general. Poor Dirk, up until the first minutes of the 4th, was getting hammered harder inside than Tori Black. Didn't the refs get the memo that the 2006 rematch hasn't officially started yet? In related news, Nick Collison set an NBA single game record with 9 personal fouls.

Yet thus is the value of experience, and Dirk yet again did his thing. More on this later. Marion put on a throwback defensive performance, and hell even his floater makes and 4 ft misses brought me some nostalgia of his Suns days. Okay back to Dirk. Check out how he ended the 3rd:

Dirk "German Doctor J" Nowitzki.

Mark Jackson, quote machine: "No disrespect, but I'm gonna disrespect Chandler!"


Jeff Van Gundy, quote machine: "Brendan Haywood is stroking it!"

Really though, would you even believe me if I told you that Brendan Haywood sinking free throws helped keep the Mavs afloat?


Russell "please don't start calling him by the nickname Mark Jackson made up 'Wild Thing'" Westbrook: Granted, the OKC choke was more evenly distributed tonight, but it seems only fair to start with Westbrook. Starting with that terrible play in the third, when dribbling it up the court on the sideline with Jason Terry defending. I think a whistle was blown almost simultaneously as Terry tried to reach in for the steal, but Westbrook just lost it and elbowed Terry directly into referee Monty McCutchen. You could see him visibly stunned and pausing for a second, like "wait, aren't I supposed to be giving you the benefit of the doubt on these whistles? Sorry bro, I gotta T that, because that was completely dumb". Westbrook finished with a Heroic Kobeian 31 points on 11-28 shooting.


Oklahoma in the last 5 minutes: Let's look at the numbers: 6 PTS, 2-10 FG, 2-2 FT, 9 REB, 7 TO (including a double dribble!), 6 PF (only 1 intentional). And although they got some good rebounds, they also gave up some terrible ones, including giving Dirk a second chance to try another wide open 3, which had a 107.12% chance of going in based on my calculations. And the terrible rebound that led to a Marion essentially-go-ahead fast break dunk, only Marion is Marion and kinda awkwardly bumbled and decelerated, allowing Durant to catch up and foul him while having no chance at preventing the score. Just wow.


Oh and Westbrook left the court early, which is kinda becoming no longer faux pas to do. Or the media will bring it up and compare it to the Pistons or LeBron or whoever doing it, which is giving him way too much credit. Or some other shit I don't really care.


Doris Burke, quote machine: "Mark [Cuban], if it's possible to be conspicuously inconspicuous, while there are no complaints out of New York, you have been remarkably quiet. Why?"


The Dallas Mavericks: For leaving behind the trophy, leading to Jason Terry awkwardly walking back out to the court to pick it up. But props on everyone walking away from Doris Burke at the end, prompting her to display the most emotion she's ever expressed, wondering why everyone was abandoning her.


Scott Brooks post-game press conference: Wanted to get the fuck out of there (and did so)


Kevin Durant post-game press conference: First words: "What up."

And did someone actually ask him how he felt about Dirk getting back to the Finals? I can't even joke about this ironically, because I know someone will twist this sound clip negatively against KD.

Harden was there sporting a backpack too, (DOUBLE BACKPACK, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!), and was probably only there in the first place because Westbrook was being "u mad" on the team bus. But more on the backpack. What a terrible collage of colors. The Durant bag is simple and conveniently functional, the Harden bag was just trying too hard. May this press conference be the harbinger (including the reason for Westbrook's absence) for OKC's over-hyped future.

Oh who am I kidding, I'm gonna miss the backpacks. Please don't use HGH in the offseason, Durant.


The Los Angeles Lakers: LOS ANGELES (AP) --In the boldest move big business has seen since Domino's adopted their Maoist self-criticism marketing strategy, the Los Angeles Lakers have signed Mike Brown as their head coach in a 4 year $18 million deal. Sadly, there's no improved spices on the crust of this deal, however legions of Celtics, Spurs, Jazz and Pacific Division fans have taken to the streets in jubilation upon hearing this news, some crying with palms upwards towards the sky.

"It's a miracle," proclaims one Phoenix resident. "The second coming; it's glorious. We're all saved."

Ticket sales for Lakers away games have skyrocketted across the nation (and Toronto I guess), as people want to get a first glimpse of this historic moment. Meanwhile, discussions and general anxiety have rapidly spread, as the rate of Twitter tweets and blog posts from greater Los Angeles area IP addresses has increased tenfold over the past 24 hours.

"Yea, that Campang guy was right, this is pretty much the rapture," one fan bemoans outside of Staples Center, his Kobe 8 home jersey swaying listfully in the smog as he uses his smartphone to update his Facebook status on a network he thinks is 4G because 4G is in the name but is actually far slower than the real 4G standard specifies. A small group of self-proclaimed "real Lakers faithful" have gathered in front of the stadium with signs of protest against the decision. Other vocal fans seem to have quickly moved into their acceptance stage of grief.

"Well I mean, his record isn't THAT bad, and he led LeBron and the crappy crap Cavs to like, 69 wins and a bunch of Finals and stuff, and he can fix the Lakers's defensive problems!" posts an anonymous fan on some forum. Sources say a few tried to "white knight" for the relatively reasonable poster before being overwhelmed by requests to STFU.

Mike Brown could not be reached for comment, as he was too busy spouting metaphors on ESPN's half-time show, and developing a game plan to not have Kobe hate him within 24 hours.

Former Lakers head coach Phil Jackson could not be reached for comment, although we think we heard him snickering and choking on his own spittle before hanging up his cell.


Novak Djokovic's opponents: Play the entire game assholes, there's already enough accusations of throwing matches in tennis as it is.


Lay's Lightly Salted Chips: Curse your magic, making me type with one hand until I finished consuming you! You're not even that delicious, why can't I stop...


Marriage: One word - Humpdashian.


-AnacondaHL

Labels: Dallas Mavericks, Dirk Nowitzki, I freaking hate the Lakers, LOL, Mike Brown, Oklahoma City Thunder, Russell Westbrook

If this is "homecourt advantage," no wonder Thunder lost.
The Oklahoma City Thunder: With five minutes and five seconds left in the fourth quarter, Kevin Durant drilled a three-pointer to put the Thunder up 99-84. The 15-point bulge was Oklahoma City's biggest lead of the night. Durant's triple seemed like a knockout blow and Dallas coach Rick Carlisle immediately called a timeout to rally his troops.

But, c'mon, seriously. The Oklahoma City Arena was going bonkers. The Thunder had all the momentum. And, anyway, the Mavericks had accomplished their goal in Game3: They had stolen a road game and reclaimed homecourt advantage. It was time to pack their bags and try to get back to it at home in Game 5. Right?

Said Brendan Haywood: "You're lying if you're not surprised. Down 15 with 5 minutes to play you're thinking hopefully something can happen. You're just kind of wishing."

Wishing, huh? Well, somebody on the Dallas roster must have rubbed a genie the right way or something, because the Mavericks closed out the fourth with a 17-2 run to force overtime.

Let's check out OKC's "offense" during that final five minutes of fail: Russell Westbrook missed three; Serge Ibaka missed 6-footer; Westbrook missed 17-footer; Westbrook turnver and foul on Jason Kidd (giving Kidd two free throws); Durant missed 22-footer; Durant missed three; Nick Collison offensive rebound; Westbrook made two-pointer; Westbrook 0-for-2 at the line; Westbrook missed 15-footer; Durant turnover; Westbrook missed 16-footer; Westbrook loose ball foul (giving Shawn Marion two free throws); Thabo Sefolosha missed three-pointer; Durant missed desperation three from 30 feet (blocked by Marion at the buzzer).


As Chuck Barkley would say: TURRIBLE.

Things didn't improve much for the Thunder during the five-minute overtime period. Here's their "offense" in OT: Durant missed three; Sefolosha made jumper; Westbrook missed three; Westbrook turnover (stepped out of bounds); Ibaka made 17-footer; Durant turnover; Westbrook missed jumper; Durant missed desperation three; Durant missed desperation three.

Again: TURRIBLE.

Make it a total of 6 points over the final 10 minutes and five seconds of playing time in this game. At home. With a playoff series on the line.

According to ESPN Stats and Information: "The Mavericks are the only team in the last 15 seasons to win a playoff game in which it trailed by 15 or more points with 5 minutes remaining in the fourth quarter."

Said Jason Terry: "There's times and situations where they are going to test the courage and the mental inner strength of your team. This was one of those times. This was a defining moment in our season where we look back and say, 'Hey, that was the game.'"

Meanwhile, when the Thunder look back on their season, this will probably be the defining moment where they look back and say, "Hey, that was the game where we blew our chance to go to the NBA Finals."

Bummer.

Said Oklahoma City coach Scott Brooks: "There's no doubt it was a tough loss. If this loss did not hurt, there's no such thing as a loss that can hurt you. ... It goes without saying that it was a tough loss to accept, but it is a loss and we have to learn from it. I thought our guys played as hard a basketball game as you can play. They were physical, we challenged shots, we struggled a little bit down the stretch with execution and throughout the game we struggled with turnovers."

No kidding.

Oklahoma City's ball-handling: The Thunder gave up 26 points off 26 turnovers, offsetting hefty advantages in rebounds (55-33), points in the paint (54-36) and fast break points (19-6).

Kevin Durant's butter fingers: KD committed 9 of his team's 26 bumblefucks, including what may have been the biggest of the game. With 1:01 left in OT and the score tied at 101-101, J-Kidd stripped Durant as he was going up for a shot. On the other end, Kidd pump-faked Westbrook out of his shorts and then nailed a three with 40.3 seconds left. And that was pretty much the ball game.


Man, for a dude who can't shoot worth a damn, Kidd hits some big shots.

Speaking of threes...

Oklahoma City's three-point shooting: The Thunder had a historically bawful night from beyond the arc in Game 3, going 1-for-17, thanks largely to Durant's 0-for-8 festival of clank. Things didn't get much better in Game 4 as OKC went 2-for-13. KD hit the only two triples his team made. He also missed five others. But, in all fairness to him, three were desperation shots.

James Harden: He fouled out in only 23 minutes of PT. And his absence might have cost the Thunder the game. According to ESPN Stats and Information:

As mentioned the Thunder were outscored by 15 points in the final minutes of regulation, and a lot of that was because their offense changed drastically when James Harden fouled out at the 4:48 mark. Prior to Harden fouling out, the Thunder focused their offensive attention on the inside game. After Harden fouled out, though, the Thunder settled for long-range shots, missing their only two field goal attempts inside of 15 feet in the last nine minutes and 48 seconds of the game.

The Thunder's lackluster offense without Harden was also exposed in the pick-and-roll game. The Thunder ran 25 pick-and-roll plays prior to Harden fouling out but ran just two afterward. The transition offense also stalled, with the Thunder picking up 17 points on 14 transition plays prior to Harden fouling out. Afterward, the Thunder failed to score on their only transition play. This postseason, Harden has scored the eighth most points as a pick-and-roll ball handler and the sixth most transition points.

Best of the Night: Dirk Nowitzki: More from ESPN Stats and Info:

A huge part of the Mavericks comeback was Dirk Nowitzki who finished with his second 40-point game this postseason (both this series) and seventh of his career. After shooting 60.0 percent from the field in Game 4 and 80.0 percent in Game 1, the Elias Sports Bureau tells us that Nowitzki is the first player to record two games with 40 points while shooting at least 60.0 percent from the floor in the same playoff series since Shaquille O'Neal had a pair of games like that for the Los Angels Lakers in the 2000 Finals against the Indiana Pacers. For his playoff career, Nowitzki is 10-1 when he scores more than 35 points with his only loss coming in a 42-point performance in 2001 against the San Antonio Spurs.

Oh and if that's not enough, Nowtizki is 48-for-50 from the free throw line this postseason including the two clutch game-tying free throws he drained with six seconds left in regulation of Monday’s win.

Give Dirk his props. Dude is awesome.

Dirk: "Fuck you, Physics."
Jason Kidd's matador defense: Why even put a hand out there, Jason?


Kevin Durant, quote machine: "It's not over."

No it's not. It will be after Game 5, but it's not over yet.

Chris' Playoff Lacktion Report: Daequan Cook baked a gold brick worth 5.6 trillion (5:38).

Labels: Dallas Mavericks, Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd, Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder

James Harden's flop: All I can say is: Wow.


Okay, "wow" isn't really all I can say. If there was such a thing as basketball prison, and players were sentenced to it for crimes against the sport, I would want Harden serving a life sentence with no chance for parole.

It wasn't just the flop, mind you, it was the "OH MY GOD NOT MY FACE!" reaction that went along with it. There's selling a flop, there's overselling a flop, and there's pretending someone shot you in the head. Too much, James. Too much.

The worst part was that Tyson Chandler received a technical foul for arguing the call. The league actually showed some wisdom by rescinding the tech. But damn, people. It never should have come to that. And Harden's flop-a-rooni started an 8-0 run that pulled the Thunder to within 65-52, which was the closest they'd been since the end of the first quarter.

Which brings me to...

The Oklahoma City Thunder: Playing at home with a chance to take complete control of the series, the Thunder forced Dirk Nowitzki (7-for-21) and Jason Terry (3-for-12) into bad shooting games. Ditto for Jason Kidd (4-for-10) and Peja Stojakovic (3-for-7). In all, the Mavs shot 43.9 percent and went only 7-for-21 from downtown. They also lost the rebounding battle 45-37 and had a 36-18 disadvantage in free throw attempts.

Dallas also led by as many as 23 points and held on down the stretch for a 93-87 win. Thanks to a team-wide offensive pants-wetting by Oklahoma City.

The Thunder shot 36.5 percent as a team and went 1-for-17 on threes. That is not a misprint. According to ESPN Stats and Information, OKC tied for the second-worst three-point percentage in a playoff game in the last 20 years (5.9 percent), trailing only the 2005 Mavericks, who shot 5.6 percent (1-for-18) in a 119-102 loss to the Phoenix Suns. You know, back when the Suns were relevant and Steve Nash was the MVP.

*sob*

Anyway, Kevin Durant bricked his way to a 7-for-22 night and Russell Westbrook went 8-for-20 and committed 7 turnovers. And you know what? Westbrook has me totally confused. I can't tell if he's Oklahoma City's best player or their worst nightmare. Is he keeping them in games or shooting the Thunder out of them? I have no idea at this point.

Maybe it's a little of Column A, a little of Column C.

On the subject, courtesy of AnacondaHL, a "flawed yet interesting take on why Eric Maynor should be point over Westbrook."


So now let's backtrack to that "since the end of the first quarter" reference I made in the entry for Harden's flop. Oklahoma City got outscored 27-12 in the first 12 minutes, and that pretty much defined the game. According to ESPN Stats and Information, "they turned the ball over 7 times and made just 4-17 from the field. The Mavericks meanwhile assisted on 8 of their 12 made FG."

Bad D. Bad O. Bad everything.

Said Durant: "Frustrating. It's tough to start a game, not make shots and you give teams easy baskets. That's like a backbreaker."

Added Thunder coach Scott Brooks: "There's no question they started the game really hitting us and knocking us out of our offense. And we missed a lot of 3s. Those 3s weren't all contested."

Sometimes you’re hitting. Sometimes your not. On Saturday, the Thunder were not. It wasn't just three-pointers, either. According to Hoopdata, OKC went 4-for-9 from 3-9 feet, 3-for-10 from 10-15 feet and 3-for-9 from 16-23 feet. And they missed 13 of their 29 attempts at the rim.

Bonus video: More adventures in officiating courtesy of Refcalls:


The Chicago Bulls: I didn't think it would be Chris Bosh.

He was the Ringo of these "Heetles," right? The oft-criticized, occasionally forgotten third wheel. The butt of all the "Two and a Half Men" jokes that swirled around Miami this season. The Boshtrich. The guy who went 1-for-18 against the Bulls during what's turning out to be an utterly meaningless regular season game.

I didn't think it would be Chris Bosh.

I just didn't think he would be the Heat player beating the Bulls.

Bosh scored 34 points on 18 field goal attempts.

According to Hoopdata, e went 5-for-6 at the rim, 2-for-2 from 3-9 feet, 1-for-1 from 10-15 feet and 5-for-9 from 16-23 feet.

He hit open shots.

He hit contested shots.

After starting the game 0-for-3, he went 13-for-15.

Bosh also earned more foul shots (10) than LeBron James (9), Dwyane Wade (6) or Derrick Rose (3).

And he knocked down eight of them.


Chicago's defense was designed to slow down the scoring exploits of LeBron (6-for-13) and D-Wade (6-for-17). That mission was accomplished. But Bosh's frightening accuracy from everywhere on the floor stretched that D to its breaking point. It allowed James to drive, draw the double team, and kick the ball out. Six of LeBron's game-high 10 assists were dished to Bosh and Wade...four of them to Bosh.

That's the value of Miami's three-star system.

How can you possibly guard all three of them on every possession? The answer, it's turning out, is that you can't. Bosh now has two 30-point outbursts in three playoff games against the Bulls. And in the one game he didn't go for 30, James and Wade had big scoring games.

It's hard not to compare LeBron's floor game and assist totals to that of Derrick Rose. Of course, when Rose tried to run the pick and roll with Joakim Noah, the Heat defense stuck to Rose like it was made of Velcro. That's because Noah is no threat to score. Last night, Jo finished with a single point on 0-for-4 shooting.

Speaking of which...

Joakim Noah: Let's put it this way: Noah finished the game with more alleged gay slurs than field goals.


Oh, man. Listen to Grant Hill and think before you speak, Joakim!

Back to the game, Noah has never been a primary or even secondary scoring threat. The Bulls count on him to rip down rebounds and make an impact on defense. Only he didn't do either last night. Not even close. Jo totaled a mere 5 rebounds, only one of which came on the offensive end, when he missed a tip shot.

And he was the unfortunate victim of several Bosh jumpers.

Noah finished with five fouls. He committed three of them trying -- and failing -- to stop Bosh. He couldn't even slow Bosh down. That wasn't just a hiccup in the game plan. It blew the game plan to hell.

Said Noah: "We didn't finish well at the rim. I feel like I could definitely do a better job on the boards, and I need to finish better. I'm really disappointed in myself with the way I played tonight."

You can tell Noah is frustrated. You can also tell he's lost all faith in that little 15-footer he had developed before his thumb surgery. Now, when left unguarded with the ball on the outside, Noah looks like he's holding the world's hottest potato. He can't get rid of that thing fast enough.

Juxtapose Noah's fear of getting the rock outside the paint with Udonis Haslem's confidence. Haslem went 4-for-5 from the field in the second half, which included jumpers from 15, 16 and 18 feet. Haslem's ability to hit those shots opened up the floor for James to drive and kick, drive and kick, drive and score.

Back to the Bulls... The Bulls aren't opening similar lanes for Rose. Carlos Boozer finally made a jail break -- 26 points, 10-for-12 at the line, 17 rebounds -- but Deng went 2-for-7 when he wasn't shooting from point blank range. Keith Bogans hit one and missed two. Ronnie Brewer was 2-for-6 and hasn't earned any respect for his jump shot. Kyle Korver attempted only two field goals in 11 minutes. Omer Asik -- who's less of a threat to score than anyone else on this team -- went 0-for-3 before leaving with a leg injury.

In short, the Bulls couldn't stop Miami's Big Three -- who scored 73 of the Heat's 96 points -- and couldn't get anything consistent out of their offense outside of Boozer. Haslem, Mike Bibby (2-for-4 on threes) and Mario Chalmers (2-for-3) spaced the floor just enough for their superstar teammates to go where they wanted to go.

Chicago won the rebounding battle (41-32) and outscored Miami in the paint (36-31), but the Heat nearly 51 percent from the field and went an outrageous 10-for-19 from 16-23 feet (52.7 percent). That can't happen.

Said Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau: "They're making shots. We have to get up and challenge their shots better. We have to finish our defense. The rebounding was good. Challenging their shots wasn't."

I guess. Although there were a couple times Noah's hand was so far up in Bosh's face he could have wiped Bosh's nose, but Miami's big man knocked the shots down anyway. What more can Noah do to challenge? Hit Bosh with a brick?

Shouldn't be a problem. The Bulls have plenty of bricks to go around.

Kyle Korver: This was just...embarrassing. All I can say.


Chris' Weekend Playoff Lacktion Ledger:

Mavs-Thunder: Eric Maynor bricked once and lost the rock once as well for a +2 in 5:54, while Daequan Cook baked two bricks from...uh...Bricktown and fouled thricely for a +5 in 14:03.

Bulls-Heat: Gee, Mr. Joakim Noah, the fact you are in the lacktion report probably means you didn't help the moo machine beat out South Beach.

In 29:04 as starting big man, five boards and six assists were negated by four bricks, two turnovers, and five fouls for a 7:6 Voskuhl. yikes.

Omer Asik also represented the windy city well with two fouls countering a board in 15:21 for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Meanwhile, Miami's Mike Miller fouled and bricked twice each (once from...uh...Brickell) and lost the rock once in 12:54 for a celebratory +5 suck differential.

Labels: 2011 NBA Playoffs, Chicago Bulls, Dallas Mavericks, James Harden, Miami Heat, Oklahoma City Thunder

The Oklahoma City Thunder: Try to sedate your brain and consider the following: The Thunder finished last night's game with an Offensive Rebound Rate of 30.6, an Effective Field Goal Percentage of 52.1, a Free Throw Rate of 59.7 and an Offensive Efficiency of 120.4...and they lost the game.

Or maybe it's more accurate to say the Mavericks won it. And they sure didn't do it by stopping Oklahoma City. Dallas scored with the kind of efficiency that must have had John Hollinger biting his lip and silently caressing his calculator.

The Mavs shot 53.3 percent from the field -- including 9-for-23 from downtown -- and converted 34 of their 36 free throw attempts (94.5 percent). That gave them an eFG% of 59.6 and allowed them to score 130.1 points per 100 possessions.

With all due respect to Jason Terry (24 points, 8-for-16), J.J. Barea (21 points, 8-for-12) and Jason Kidd (11 assists), this one was all about Dirk Nowitzki.

From ESPN Stats and Information:

Dirk Nowitzki scored 48 points, his sixth career 40-point playoff game, finishing two points shy of his playoff career-high.

Among active players, only Shaquille O'Neal (12), Kobe Bryant (11) and LeBron James (nine) have more career 40-point playoff games.

Nowitzki set an NBA record by going 24-for-24 from the free throw line, the most free throws made in a single game without a miss -- regular season or postseason.

He drew fouls from seven different Thunder defenders, including all five of Serge Ibaka's. Dirk went 7-for-9 when guarded by Ibaka, including 6-for-8 on post-up plays.

Combining field goal attempts and free throw attempts, the ball left Dirk Nowitzki's hand 39 times tonight; 36 of those times, it went in the hoop.

Nowitzki attempted just 15 shots, the second-fewest field goal attempts in a 40-point playoff game in NBA history.

Only Terry Porter, back in 1992 for the Portland Trail Blazers, needed fewer attempts (41 points on 14 attempts) to reach the 40-point plateau. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, his field-goal percentage of 80.0 is tied for the highest ever in a Conference finals game (minimum 15 FGA).

I think Luc Richard Mbah a Moute needs to rewrite his scouting report to read simply: HIDE YOUR WOMEN, CHILDREN, AND ALL YOUR VALUABLES. YOU CANNOT STOP DIRK NOWITZKI.

Seriously, Mbah a Moute said: "Dirk is a shooter, that's what he does. That's his game. So when you have a guy who shoots, you can contest his shots, you can body him up and you can take him out of his shots making it tough for him to get in a rhythm. ... You want a player like Dirk to drive all night. You want to give him the drive and make sure the help comes or try to take a charge."

Well, the Thunder took that advice to heart, and they made Dirk drive. The end result was that record-setting night at the foul line. When he wasn't doing stuff like this that is:

SCOUTING REPORT FAIL.
Said Oklahoma City coach Scott Brooks: "I thought we defended him as close as we can -- obviously, too close."

Obviously. Think about this: Nowitzki scored 48 points on 15 shots.

According to Dirk, he spent the nine-day break between sweeping the Fakers and starting the Western Conference Finals engaging in late-night shooting sessions. I'm sure he wanted to add something like "and the voodoo rites necessary to make it so I never miss another shot ever again." What? Nowitzki only went 12-for-15 from the field, you say? I'm sure he realized he'd have to miss a few shots now and then just so people wouldn't realize dark magic was involved. Probably decided that while he was washing the pig's blood off his ceremonial wizard's robe.

Said Nowitzki: "I was really looking to shoot early and was able to get my rhythm after the first couple of shots. I kept attacking and my teammates kept feeding me and feeding me and I was able to take advantage over some smaller players."

Kevin Durant -- whose 40-point, 8-rebound, 4-assist, 2-block night was completely overshadowed by what Dirk did -- said: "We can't get discouraged. He's going to make shots. He's going to make off-balanced shots with a hand in his face."

Added Ibaka: "He was hot. It's tough. You can't get frustrated. I'll watch film and we'll come back the next game."

I'm not sure Ibaka really wants to review that film. It would be like watching a home video of your own violent murder. Then Ibaka will realize he was a ghost the whole time, Sixth Sense-style. Actually, you know, that would explain a lot about his defense last night.

Memo to the Thunder: Smacking Dirk around the way you did to Zach Randolph might not work in this series. Not when he shoots free throws like this:


Said Durant: "After playing a physical series with Memphis, I think we were a little too physical with him. We have to make adjustments, be smarter. It's a learning experience, just feeling it out and seeing how we're going to play."

Russell Westbrook: Westbrook was aggressive looking for his shot and getting to the free throw line. The good news is that he went 14-for-18 at the charity stripe. The bad news is that he went missed 10 of his first 11 field goal attempts and ultimately ended up 3-for-15. And, as the AP recap pointed out, "Despite his poor aim, he had taken more shots than Durant at one point late in the third quarter, fueling the critics who say he's too much of a scorer and not enough of a distributor."

What? Because he attempted 15 shots and 18 free throws while finishing with more turnovers (4) than assists (3) despite playing with one of the league's most prolific scoring machines, who was on his way to scoring 40 points on 10-for-18 from the field and 18-for-19 at the line? Are those critics really suggesting he should have been feeding Durant instead of looking to score?

Said Brooks: "He was attacking the basket. That's what we want Russell to do."

I bet. Especially when he shoots 1-for-6 from 3-9 feet, 0-for-1 from 10-15 feet and 0-for-3 from 16-23 feet. At least he didn't jack up any threes.

Kendrick Perkins: Okay. It's official. I'm sick of Perk's tough guy act. Exactly one minute and 11 seconds into the game, he grabbed Tyson Chandler's arm while they were jockeying for position under the hoop, and then he got in Chandler's face after Durant knocked down a 15-footer. For some bizarre reason, the official called a double technical even though, as far as I could tell, Chandler didn't do anything other than stand there looking sour.

Exactly two minutes later, again while they were establishing position under the basket, Perkins basically brought his elbow through Chandler's head. It wasn't a swing so much as a push, but the refs caught this one and Perk was whistled for his second personal and had to go to the bench.

Kendrick didn't commit another foul, but he ended up logging only 28 minutes, during which the Thunder were outscored by 14 points. And yes, in case you were wondering, Perk did in fact have the worst plus-minus score of the game.

Peja Stojakovic: Peja is a shooter. He's there to shoot. Which he did, squeezing off eight shots in 21 minutes, six of which were three-point attempts. He hit exactly one of those shots. Man, it feels like 2002 all over again, doesn't it?

The Dallas D: Do you realize that, if you subtract Westbrook's 3-for-15 brick-a-palooza, the Thunder shot 54 percent from the field? The other starters were on fire: Durant (10-for-18), Ibaka (7-for-11), Perkins (3-for-4), Sefolosha (2-for-2). Oklahoma City went to the line 43 times and shot 43.8 percent from beyond the arc. Oh, and they had 22 fast break points.

If Dirk hadn't been so legendary, this game really might have swung the other way.

Dirk Nowitzki, poster boy: It wasn't all violins and roses for Dirk.


Kevin Durant's post-game fashion statement: Was he on his way to his sixth grade yearbook photo shoot or something?


Magic Johnson, quote machine: This one was submitted by Will R. of Two Middles Up. Here's Magic on Dirk's performance: "He might have three legs tonight the way he was shootin'!"

No, really. Here's video:


The Human Heat-ipede: My buddy Gauvin is a surgery nurse and recently watched The Human Centipede out of professional curiosity. His curiosity quickly turned to horror and the nearly unstoppable urge to barf. Which, of course, translated into the need to tell all his friends about the movie in exacting detail. In case you don't know about it -- and I'm not sure how any regular Internet users could have at this point -- here's a one-sentence summary: A mad doctor kidnaps three people and sews them together ass-to-mouth to create a human centipede.

This Deadspin link was provided by reader inkybreath at my By The Horns blog. Apparently, some guys made the following poster for Game 1 of the Heat-Bulls series. Security didn't let them into the United Center, unfortunately, but no amount of security could keep it off the Internet.


The Minnesota Timberwolves: Let the conspiracy theories begin:

The Minnesota Timberwolves have had the worst history of any team in the NBA Draft Lottery.

Despite finishing in the lottery in 14 of their 22 seasons, the Minnesota Timberwolves have never had the No. 1 draft pick.

In fact, after losing out on the first pick to the Cleveland Cavaliers last night, this will be the first time they've even had the No. 2 pick

The Wolves have had zero luck. In the 14 years they've been in the lottery, they have never moved up and 8 times they've moved down.

In 1992, they had the league's worst record and ended up at No. 3. Picks One and Two were Shaquille O'Neal and Alonzo Mourning

GM David Kahn said what everyone was thinking after Cavs owner Dan Gilbert sent his 14-year-old son (who has a rare nerve disorder) to represent Cleveland.

"This league has a habit, and I am just going to say habit, of producing some pretty incredible story lines," said Kahn. "As soon as the 14-year-old kid joined us, we were toast."

We assume he's only (half) joking? Though more than a few NBA fans are still convinced that the Knicks didn't win the very first Lottery (and Patrick Ewing) on an entirely fair draw.

The Los Angeles Clippers: But wait. There's more:

The worst part is that the Cavs, who were stabbed in the heart by LeBron James last summer, didn't even win with their own pick. (As the second worst team, they had has a 19% chance of nabbing No. 1 overall.) They won with a Clippers pick that they got in a trade ... that had a 2.8% chance of winning. Cleveland now has two of the top 4 picks.

Ah, the Clippers. No matter what happens, no matter the circumstances, they are and always will be who we thought they were. On the bright side, they got Mo Williams and Jamario Moon in the trade that sent that pick to Cleveland...

Chris' Playoff Lacktion Ledger: Nate Robinson obeyed his thirst for lacktivity by bricking thricely in 5:41 (twice from the JPMorgan Chase Tower) and taking a rejection for a +4!

Labels: 2011 NBA Playoffs, Dallas Mavericks, Dirk Nowitzki, Kendrick Perkins, Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder, Russell Westbrook, Worst of the Night

The Milwaukee Bucks: Another night, another 85 points, and another crippling-for-their-playoff-hopes loss for the Bucks. Last season at this time, opposing teams were Fearing the Deer. This season, the Deer are Fearing the Headlights.

After being held to 56 points by Boston on Sunday, Milwaukee was shut down and lit up in Atlanta. Joe Johnson dropped 36 -- including 28 in the first half -- on 13-for-19 from the field and 6-for-9 from downtown. Josh Smith shot 8-for-12, Al Horford went 7-for-12, Marvin Williams went 7-for-9, and Kirk Hinrich and Damien Wilkins both went 3-for-3. As a team, the Hawks shot 63 percent from the field and 11-for-19 from beyond the arc and finished with an Offensive Rating of 120.8.

Hey...I thought the Bucks were supposed to be good at that "defense" thing.

Said Milwaukee coach Scott Skiles: "It's just another one of those games where we didn't play very well."

That's one bummed-out-sounding coach.

Status check: In their last two games, the Bucks have scored a combined total of 141 points (70.5 PPG) and been outscored by 56 points (28 PPG). And at 26-40, they're...only 2.5 games out of eighth place in the East?! Jesus Christ.

Update! Andrew Bogut, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Dan:

"I think we focused too much on scoring today and not enough on defense," said Milwaukee center Andrew Bogut.

I guess scoring 30 more points than against the Celtics is focusing on offense, but that's just sad.

The Washington Wizards Generals: How low are the expectations for the Generals? The Bulls beat them by 19 points despite being without both Carlos Boozer (sprained ankle) and Joakim Noah (flu-like symptoms!) and commenters in ESPN's Daily Dime Live chat were wondering why the Bulls weren't up by 30 at the half.

What's more: The Bulls held Washington to 79 point on 43 percent shooting and scored 22 points off 16 forced turnovers. The Generals managed only 33 points over the final 24 minutes. And yet Chicago coach Tom Thibodeau expressed near-disgust with his team's defensive performance.

Kurt Thomas nailed a buzzer-beating three at the end of the first half. It was Big Sexy's first three-pointer since April 10, 2005.

Oh, and did I mention that Keith Bogans drilled five triples and dropped a season-high 17 points?

You know you suck when...

In all fairness to the Generals, they were missing Rashard Lewis (knee), Cartier Martin (knee), Josh Howard (knee), Andray Blatche (shoulder) and Nick Young (more flu-like symptoms!). So, yeah, they were undermanned. Or whatever.

Said Washngton coach Flip Saunders: "We started three rookies. We had a lot of opportunities to fold, especially the games we've played the last week or so. I thought our guys played hard. We just ran out of gas."

Nope, nosiree, no folding here. In probably unrelated news, the Generals are now 1-30 on the road this season. According to the AP game notes, only one team has gone 1-40 on the road since the NBA went to an 82-game schedule in 1967-68: The 1990-91 Sacramento Kings. C'mon. You knew I was going to work in a Kings reference, right?

JaVale McGee and the Quest for the Triple-Double Last night, McGee threw a block party in the United Center. He stuffed 12 shots...the most swats by an NBA player since Keon Clark registered 12 rejections back on March 23, 2001. It was also the most shots any player has had against the Bulls in a regulation game.

McGee ended up one block shy of the franchise record for blocks in a game set by Manute Bol, who returned 15 packages to sender for the then-Bullets on February 26, 1987.

Said McGee: "I had three [blocks] the first quarter and I was trying to match that in the second quarter and I had seven, so I was like I'm going to try and get 14. It was working for me tonight. I was blocking so good in the first half people were starting to hesitate and were more afraid to go up and it was easier to block shots."

Note JaVale never once said anything about his team in that quote.

Anyway, with the game way out of hand in the fourth quarter, the final few minutes were consumed by a) the United Center crowd's desire for free Big Macs and b) McGee's mad quest for the final point he needed for a triple-double. And JaVale got it on a dunk with 18 seconds left...then celebrated by hanging on the rim and screaming.

Said McGee: "That was the hardest one point I ever tried to make in my life. It was crazy, but I got it. It was a dunk of relief."

Note again that he didn't say anything about his team in that quote. In possibly related news, the Generals were down 18 at the time. And McGee earned a tech for his masturbatory celebration, and Kyle Korver knocked down the freebie, so McGee's dunk ended up being a net gain of only one point for his team. Kept 'em from losing by 20, though.

Here's video of McGee's sad end-of-game quest. I've seen WoW addict less desperate to lose their virginity.


Bad as that was, it was only the second-most pathetic attempt at a triple-double in Washington franchise history:


Looks like I need to update my old Worst Evers: Triple-Doubles post.

The New York Knicks: Okay. This one hurt:


But forget Danny Granger's heroics. What really killed the Knicks was letting Tyler Hansbrough score a career-high 30 points. Mind you, Psycho T's previous career-high of 29 points was established in New York last Sunday.

Reality check: Hansbrough averaged 10.5 PPG on 46.2 percent shooting. In back-to-back games against the Knicks and Mike _'Antoni's _efense, he scored 59 points on 65 percent shooting (24-for-37).

Said 'Melo: "We all know what he was capable of doing. I don't think we made adjustments to him at the top of the key. Especially after the game he had in the Garden, I would think we would make some adjustments after that. He's played great these last two games."

Added Shawne Williams: "It feels bad. We know we got to get it going, some kind of way. I feel like we all got to take a good look in the mirror and redefine ourselves. We got to take more pride in defense."

In possibly related news, the Pacers scored 119 points on 52 percent shooting.

By the way, the Knicks are 5-6 in their last 11 games, including two losses to the Cadavers (12-53) and back-to-back losses to the Pacers (29-38). It's true what people have been saying: The Knicks are back! The bad Knicks.

Amar''''''e Stoudemire, poster boy: Apparently, STAT things his offense is his interior defense.


The Dallas Mavericks: Last Wednesday, the Mavs choked away a seven-point lead in the final 1:13 of a 93-92 loss to the New Orleans Hornets, after which Dallas coach Rick Carlisle called his team "soft." Jason Terry was pissed. Caron Butler, who's not even playing at the moment, added, "I think this team is far from soft."

One week later, and the Mavericks (after thumping the increasingly defenseless Knicks) have lost back-to-back gut check games against the Lakers and Frail Blazers. And last night's loss in Portland was a particularly bitter pill to swallow, considering Dallas shot 59.7 percent from the field and got a Beast Mode game out of Dirk Nowitzki (28 points, 9-for-14 from the field, 9-for-9 from the line, 11 rebounds, and, of course, 0-for-1 on a potential game-winner).

Dallas gave up 15 offensive boards and got outscored 48-36 in the paint. But remember what Butler and Terry said: They ain't soft.

However, the Mavs have now lost four of six after winning 18 of 19, and the Lakers have leapfrogged them for second place in the West.

Chris's Invincible Lacktion Ledger:

Bucks-Hawks: Josh Powell chained himself to the ledger tonight despite a board in 6:06 by losing the rock twice for a 2:1 Voskuhl, while Zaza Pachulia put two assists aside in 11:49 with three fouls and a turnover for a 4:0 Voskuhl.

Generals-Bulls: Mustafa Shakur bricked twice (once from the Sears Tower) in 2:20 for a +2, a suck differential matched by THE Brian Scalabrine in 4:12 from Congress Street! Also recording lacktive marks for the heifers were Omer Asik, who negated a free throw and board in 9:36 with two fouls and a turnover for a 3:2 Voskuhl, and new Chicagoan Rasual Butler, powering up a Virtual Boy in 57 seconds for a Mario.

Mavs-Frail Blazers: Dallas's Brian Cardinal produced one piece of masonry for a +1 in 4:48.

Labels: Dallas Mavericks, JaVale McGee, New York Knicks, Washington Wizards, Worst of the Night