Monday, June 04, 2012
I've just seen a face
By chris at 11:58 AM
5 comments


(and remember to check out the Basketbawful Facebook page!)

Mellon Collie and the infinite sadness.


So, guys, if you had predicted that South Beach would've held the aging, fragile C's to only 32 points after halftime...and that Game 4 would come down to a final shot in which Dwyane Wade was covered by Marquis Daniels...and got an open look at the arc...


You wouldn't have expected this outcome, would you?

YOU ARE TEARING ME APART!!!!!!

Coming off the heels of Rondo missing one of two free throws (and notice how he never runs across to help Marquis Daniels out!), not long after a Mickael Pietrus rebound sequence which burned about 50 seconds off the clock...against all odds, we have ourselves a new series!

(And an update: from Grantland, GREAT frame-by-frame analysis of the final possession of fail!)

We also have, for the first time, King Crab fouling out in a Miami uniform:

To think, just minutes before, LeBron actually was the reason this game even went to OT.

Doesn't it seem like a lifetime ago that the Threetles were holding their Madison Square Garden matinees?   I would also ask, "doesn't Game 2 seem like a lifetime ago," but really, what's different between that and this other than Dwyane failing in the clutch AND this Udonis Haslem head-scratcher to close regulation?


Hey, look who made not one, not two, not three, but zero attempts to shoot in that sequence!!!


Here we are.  Conference Finals tied on both halves of the bracket.  Tired narratives just waiting to be resurrected pending whoever makes it to the Finals.

And pure class from Boston's assist machine:

THE ASSOCIATION: Where providing bulletin board material to your opponents HAPPENS!!!!


Game Four Lacktion Report

Heat-Celtics: Greg Stiemsma made a cameo appearance in the ocarina of 32 seconds of time for a Mario.

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Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Worst of the 2012 WCFs: Game 2
By Basketbawful at 10:34 AM
43 comments







bonner
I don't think this is what Gregg Popovich meant when he said he wanted some nasty.

The Oklahoma City Thunder: After the Spurs imposed their will on the Thunder in Game 1 -- especially over the final 12 minutes -- Oklahoma City coach Scott Brooks was shelled by bloggers and media experts for not giving Serge Ibaka enough fourth quarter burn. Well, Serge logged a fat 39 minutes last night, and the Thunder looked even more helplessly overmatched by a Spurs team that apparently has no flaws. Unless you count Tiago Splitter's haircut. And you should.

Despite Tim Duncan's off shooting night (2-for-11 from the field), the Spurs converted 55.1 percent of their field goal attempts and finished with 120 points despite bricking 12 free throws and committing 18 turnovers. Remember: In one of those Mic'd up segments in Game 1, Brook screamed at his troops: "We're a defensive team." I wonder what he said after rookie Kawhi Leonard lit 'em up for 18 points on 7-for-12 shooting. Of course, the Thunder finished the regular season ranked 11th in Defensive Rating and currently rank ninth out of 16 playoff teams. So I'm not sure they're really the "defensive team" Brooks seems to think they are.
 




Speaking of Brooks, he unveiled the Hack-a-Splitter strategy with 2:31 left in the third quarter and the Thunder trailing 83-66. After about a grueling minute of that "action," Splitter had gone 5-for-10 from the line and OKC was down 88-72. Which was...good...I guess. They made up one point of their deficit anyway.

According to Brooks, though, he was just trying to change the pace of the game: "It changed the tempo a little bit. They (the Spurs) were fast tonight. That ball was just all over the floor with quick passes, passes that were right in their shooting pockets, and it kind of threw their rhythm out a little bit. He stepped up and made six of them (including another trip to the line that was not away from the ball). He did better than his playoff percentage. But if on occasion we have an opportunity to do it again, we will."

Can't wait!

Reggie Miller, quote machine: "This is a surgical clinic by Gregg Popovich and the San Antonio Spurs."

Bonus stat: The Thunder had been giving up an average of 92.9 PPG in the playoffs. The Spurs had 92 at the end of the third quarter.

Gregg Popovich, quote machine: Regarding the Hack-a-Splitter plan: "No, I’ve never done that before. I think it's a lousy thing to do. It's unsportsmanlike." Pop then added: "No, it's a a good move. If there's a reason to do it and they felt there was a reason to do it, they did it. It's a good move."

Serge Ibaka, poster boy: Tim Duncan says: STUFF THIS, IBAKA.
 




I guess Timmy gave Pop what he wanted.
 



Kendrick Perkins: Yikes. 3 points, 1-for-5, 5 rebounds, 4 turnovers, 3 fouls, and a game-worst plus-minus of -14 in 24 minutes. Sam Smith of Bulls.com recently called Perkins a "fraud," and I'm starting to think he may have a point.

Charles Barkley, quote machine: "I gotta call out my boy Scott Brooks tonight. It took him over three quarters to see you can't play those two big guys [Kendrick Perkins and Serge Ibaka] together."

Derek Fisher: Remember how he almost saved the Thunder in Game 1 with his near-perfect shooting? I guess he used up all his makes, because last night he went 2-for-11, including 0-for-6 inside the arc. Oddly, he had a team-best plus-minus score of +9. Must be all the veteran savvy.

Russell Westbrook: His line looked pretty strong -- 27 points, 8 assists, 7 rebounds, 0 turnovers -- but Tony Parker (game-high 34 points on 16-for-21 shooting plus 8 dimes) made Westbrook his bitch. How on fire was TP? According to Tim Griffin of the San Antonio Express-News:
Tony Parker had a shooting game for the ages Tuesday night. It didn't matter where he was aiming from. He hit 5 of 6 shots from inside 10 feet, misfiring only on a twisting first-quarter layup. He was 7 for 9 from 10 to 20 feet. And he hit 4 of 6 from 20 feet and beyond to finish off a 34-point effort that was the biggest playoff scoring binge by a Spurs player since his 43-point effort against Dallas in 2009. Parker's 16-for-21 shooting effort Tuesday night ended up as the best shooting game by a true guard with at least 20 shots in the playoffs since Vinnie Johnson notched a similar 16-for-21 game against Boston in 1985. And it was the biggest reason why the Spurs cruised to a 120-111 victory over the Thunder, claiming a 2-0 lead in the best-of-seven series. Parker might have out Microwaved “the Microwave” with his clutch shooting down the stretch, hitting 7 of his 8 2-point attempts and one of his two 3-pointers in the second half. It finished off a memorable night that he was at a loss to explain afterwards. "I don't know," Parker said. "It was just one of those nights. I felt in a good rhythm early on. I was making my shots and just trying to be aggressive."
What's more, there were a few times when you could tell Russell wanted to pay Parker back, which resulted in some of those awful dribble-dribble-dribble-dribble-dribble-shoot possessions that may be the fatal flaw that prevents Westbrook from becoming a true superstar. Speaking of which...

Steve Kerr, quote machine: "Dribble. Dribble. Dribble. Got to start moving the ball. There's too much dribbling. You can't beat a good defense by overdribbling."


Thabo Sefolosha: I know he really starts only so James Harden can win Sixth Man of the Year awards, but damn: 2 points, 1-for-4 shooting, 1 rebound and a -10 in 15 minutes.


Nazr Mohammed and Daequan Cook: In a combined 10 minutes off the bench, Mohammed and Cook each contributed...1 personal foul. That's it. Not a point. Not a rebound. Not even a turnover. Thanks for coming, fellas.


Kawhi Leonard's shoe-tying abilities: Try a double knot, Kawhi.





Tony Parker, quote machine, Part 1: Regarding his 8 assists: "It's always been a battle my whole career, when you're a scoring point guard and Pop wants you to score, then he wants you to pass, and he wants you to score, and he wants you to pass. You go back and forth. It's always been the biggest room for me to improve, to find a happy middle between scoring and passing, and find that good balance. I think, over the years, I got better at it."

Tony Parker, quote machine, Part 2: On getting blistered by a Popovich rant in the second half: "He's screamed at me for 11 years. We weren't getting our plays. We were playing sloppy."

Tony Parker, quote machine, Part 3: "When you have Coach Pop screaming at you every day, that will make you pass the ball. He's always big on, 'Find a better shot.' That's the way we play."

Kevin Durant, quote machine: "There are no moral victories for us. We were down. We dug ourselves a hole. We did what we normally do, which is fight all game, and we lost."

Scott Brooks, quote machine: On why the Spurs spanked his team: "They were making shots. I mean, they were spraying them all over the floor and knocking them in. I thought (Kawhi) Leonard was making the shots. (Manu) Ginobili made a lot of tough shots tonight. (Tony) Parker was on fire."

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Friday, May 25, 2012
Worst of the Night: May 24, 2012
By Raza at 10:34 AM
22 comments


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 Coach Vogel, you're under arrest!




 
 This is Brian.  He enjoys long walks on the beach and treating women with respect.




George Hill tries to escape the stench of the Pacers Game 6 performance.



 You botherin' me about a steak!


 A face that even a mother would struggle to love.




Indiana Pacers: It was a great 12 minutes while it lasted.  And by lasted, I mean the Pacers having a 28-21 advantage at the end of the first quarter, the crowd going buck wild, and Larry Bird chuckling to himself, "these guys aren't soft at all"

And then the rest of the game happened.

Miami kicked it up a notch and overcame an 11 point deficit on their way to outscoring the Pacers every single quarter the rest of the way.

Wade had a whopping 41 points as Robin LeBron wasn't too far behind with 28 points himself.

As for Indy, it's not even like they shot poorly (48% from the floor), they still managed to outrebound the Heat, got more free throws, and everything else the home team should.....they just let the two players you should contain the most go off for crazy numbers, and 22 turnovers didn't exactly help their movement either.

"Chris Bosh is an awesome basketball player, but when he goes down, that just means more touches for LeBron and Wade," Coach Vogel said. "That's not exactly an advantage. More like addition by subtraction.  Can't wait for them to trade Bosh this summer.  FML"


David West hates children



So now, the Heat await the winner of the Philly/Boston series.  I'm hoping Boston wins just so the Heat actually get somewhat of a challenge in the ECF.


By the way, ABC's promo poster for the Heat looks great:






As for the Indy fans.....oh boy.




 Good to see that Harry and Lloyd decided to make an appearance!







Weekend's Upcoming Games:  

 
SATURDAY:


Boston vs. 1776'ers, 8:00 PM ET:  A betting man would put money on the Celtics to close this one out at home.  What say you KG?



 Can you imagine being roommates with this guy on the road? Yikes





SUNDAY:



Spurs vs Thunder, 8:30 PM ET:  Literally counting down the hours till tipoff.  But I'm probably just more excited to see if this Laker fan in the pic below will make a comeback:





And be prepared to see a plethora of Tim Duncan faces!


 


Hope you all have a great weekend.



Chris's Lacktation Report:


Heat-Pacers: Ronny Turiaf toiled despite a board in 10:29, bricking once and fouling twice for a 2:1 Voskuhl.  Juwan Howard invested 211 seconds of lack to earn a celebratory 3.5 trillion paycheck.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Worst of the Night: May 22, 2012
By Raza at 9:53 AM
13 comments


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 Are you not entertained?



Maybe if Jones spent less time rubbing his eye and more time running plays, the Pacers wouldn't be down 37 points.


LeBron catches up on some pre-game reading




The Indiana Pacers:  Well the honeymoon was great while it lasted.  Felt like it was only a couple days ago the Pacers took a 2-1 series lead, shocked everyone, and Miami was labeled D.O.A

Unfortunately for Indiana, it was a best of 7 series, not a best of 3.  In a game that had huge playoff implications, a Game 5 win for Indy with the next one at home would have put them in the driver's seat for an ECF berth.  Instead, they got into the driver's seat and drove off a cliff.

The Heat led by as many as 37 points handing Indiana their worst playoff loss in franchise history.

They also had flagrant fouls galore in this game:










Who needs to battle to the ECF when you can get the WWF right here.


Indiana shot a measly 33% as their starting 5 went 16-48 from the floor.

And considering that Indy's starting 5 usually puts up these kinds of numbers:

The Pacers have outscored opponents by 75 points with its starting lineup (Paul George, Danny Granger, Roy Hibbert, George Hill and David West) on the court together this postseason, the best plus-minus for any five-player combination in the playoffs. When any other combination of Pacers has been on the court, Indiana has been outscored by 48. In the Eastern Conference Semifinals, the starters are +47 and all other lineups are -74.


Ouch is right.


"We learned early in this series, you don't get two wins for a blowout," Pacers coach Frank Vogel said.  "Thankfully, you don't get two losses for a blowout either, otherwise we'd be f*cked"

"I can't believe my team went soft. S-O-F-T," Larry Bird told the Indianapolis Star. "I'm disappointed. I never thought it would happen." 

His assistant then whispered into Bird's ear that he's running the 2012 Indiana Pacers, not the '86 Celtics.


Game 6 is tomorrow night, and I'm sure the shadow of LeBron will loom over Granny Danger:


 


At least when LeBron isn't ignoring his coaches:




From Around the League:


So the Lakers were officially eliminated, and no tears were shed....outside southern California anyway:






Andrew Bynum demonstrates what he'll be doing all summer on the beach



The face of a man who will be joining the bread line in no time


You mad?




OKC/Spurs:


So this is pretty much 2012's NBA Finals matchup.  Not that an Eastern team can't take it this year, but it's probably the best matchup you're going to see in this year's playoffs.

I'm thinking Spurs in 6, but this series will probably go the distance.


Who wouldn't want to see the following teams face off against each other:
















 VS.

 

 Any predictions fellas?

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Friday, May 18, 2012
So, hey, who knew the Boshtrich was so important.
By chris at 9:11 AM
15 comments


Does this really need a caption, guys?


LOOK MA, NO EYES!  Wait, why am I clanging the rim!?
So, after two quarters in Indianapolis for Game 3, the series (1-1) and game (43-43) were tied.

Not for long though, thanks to a 17-3 run to start the 3rd...and Dwyane Wade having little to celebrate after a rather lacktive-sounding 2 of 13 from the field, finishing with not one, not two, not three, but FIVE whole points.


Sweet facepalm. bro.

Sure, D-Wade reflected on his paltry performance, but why don't we quote ESPN's Michael Wallace:

Wade missed his first five shots and was held scoreless in the first half for the first time in 95 career playoff games. His first basket came on a jumper with 10:22 left in the third quarter. 

Hired talking head, er, "coach" Erik Spoelstra even got to experience a little bit of Wade's wrath, in a third quarter argument:

Not only did Wade's frustrations take the Heat out of their offense, as he attempted to fire his way back into his typical box-score prominence, but his failure to get back on defense and (at times) go over the top on Indiana's screens drew Spoelstra's ire.
Not that their third-quarter "conversation" was troubling the Heat coach.

The Association: where South Beach sadness happens!

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Friday, May 11, 2012
Nick Anderson flashbacks, baby!
By chris at 11:05 AM
32 comments



For those keeping score at home, THIS is the guy who had the Bulls' season on the line.  (Photo courtesy Dan B. from the 11/24/2010 edition of Bawful After Dark)


So the Orlando Magic, they of the missed playoff free throw variety, have been done for a few days.

Never fear, for our fill of free throw fail was provided by...


lacktion artist Omer Asik...

and...


nearly-hero Al Horford of the Hawks, whose momentary lapse of concentration (seen at 2:44 of the above clip) bailed Marquis Daniels and the Celtics out!  Woops.

The Association: where charity stripe hijinks deciding not one, but TWO playoff series happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Friday, May 04, 2012
Worst of the Night Playoff Edition: May 3, 2012
By Raza at 9:44 AM
18 comments


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 Tyson Chandler points right to where the Heat kicked him 



13 straight playoff losses will do that to you



No Erik, no one wants to take a whiff



Watch out ladies, they're still single....some things never change




Jeremy Lin takes in an intense episode of Naruto




Uh Oh, Amare only gets that look when an unsuspecting fire extinguisher is nearby




New York Bricks:  Heading into this series, some thought there actually would be a chance at an upset, the Knicks would sneak up on the Heat and possibly take the series in 6.

Granted, all the people who felt that way lived in the Manhattan area, the Knicks got crushed in this series one game after another.  An Iman Shumpert injury coupled with Amare doing his best "Dirk vs Exercise Bike" imitation and....well you get the idea.

Speaking of Amare, here's actual footage of what went down the other day:





I just hope Amare has learned his lesson.  Fortunately for him, the Knicks have now placed the following instructions on all fire extinguishers within a 1000 mile radius:




As for Game 3, the Knicks were in good shape through halftime, hanging onto a 4 point lead despite no Amare or Shumpert.  LeCrab even found himself in foul trouble (for like the first time ever) as he was mostly MIA in the third quarter (as oppose to the fourth, which is the norm).

But then Monsieur Wade happened, the Heat regained the lead and never looked back.

Wade played the entire third quarter and went off for 12 points.

That wasn't the scary part.  A well rested Lebron came back for the fourth period and ripped the Knicks a new one with 17 points in the period alone as the lead ballooned to as much as 20.

"He was in foul trouble," Bosh said. "He was struggling a little bit and he had pretty much the whole third quarter to think about what was going on. It wasn't as much time for him to think as this past summer, but I think that was good for him. I think it really built a desire in him a little bit and then he made sure we got off to a great start in the fourth quarter which was very important for us."

As for Bosh, he was a question mark for this game due to the birth of his son, but ended up starting anyway.

While the Heat got stellar performances from their big two, the Knicks got another night at the office from their remaining big two.  Melo Yellow and Captain Worst Shot Selection in the NBA JR Smith combined for a whopping 12-41 from the field.  Looks like they joined forces to pay tribute to John Starks.

"When you can't score the basketball, that makes the game extremely hard, no matter how much defense we go down there and play," Anthony said.

And I agree, but then again I'm not getting paid millions of dollars to do it, unlike some people.

The Bricks have now set an all time NBA record with 13 straight playoff losses (their last win coming against the Craptors).  I'd like to let you know that no one in NBA history has come back from an 0-3 deficit.

Look for the Heat to keep it close during Game 4, and then come out of nowhere to break the game open in the fourth.   Kinda like Bosh in the gifs below:









_allas Mavericks:  In honor of the Heat, it looks like the Mavs are trying to do their best Miami 2007 impression.  Which is unfortunate, since Dallas had a pretty brutal showing in the 2007 playoffs anyway.

Speaking of impressions, Durant decided to give a Dirk 2011 performance, as he went 11-15 from the field, and the Thunder just annihilated the Mavs in what Jason Terry referred to as a game which was to be treated like a Game 7.

Yikes.

Dallas got outscored every single quarter in a crucial game, as Dirk sputtered with a 6-15 shooting night. The rest of his supporting cast wasn't so great either:

Shawn Marion: 1-8
Jason Kidd: 4-12
Jason "Turtlehead" Terry: 3-10
Vince Quitter:  2-8


That ladies and gentlemen, is how you manage to shoot 34% from the field as a team, get down by as many as 26 points (encouraging some fans to leave at the start of the fourth quarter) and never have a single lead.

Looking at those shooting performances, it's a miracle they were only down by as many as 26.

Never underestimate the heart of a champion.  Especially if that champion has their hearts ripped out in the past offseason by letting current DPOY Chandler walk, and putting all their hopes on one whiny bitch of a point guard in Deron Williams.

Keep up the good work Cubes!

Have I mentioned that no one has come back from an 0-3 deficit?  The last time a team was at least able to force a Game 7 in that scenario were the Portland Trailblazers.  Their opponent?  The Dallas Mavericks.

When looking at the AP quotes from both the Knicks/Mavs, I found these gems:

Tyson Chandler said. "Obviously no one wants to be in a hole 0-3, you know in the playoffs especially against a tough team like (Miami), but that's the way it is and we've got to keep fighting."

"Our mistakes we weren't able to overcome. Their high-level play, we weren't able to overcome either," Carlisle said. "It's really tough to go down 0-3. We're going to keep fighting."

So that settles it folks.  Anytime I'm about to get crushed in a game of anything, whether it's chess, battleship, or tennis,  I'm going to look my opponent straight in the eye and say "I'm going to keep fighting"

And then proceed to weep the rest of my summer away.

Speaking of weeping the summer away, we have to honor the woeful Bobscraps, who magnificently finished the season with the lowest winning percentage in NBA history.

To commemorate the event I thought we should take a look at our Paul Silas yearbook (who resigned as head coach and is now listening to Dashboard Confessional albums with Lamar Odom):





Weekend's Upcoming Games:   


FRIDAY:


Hawks vs Celtics:  Oh boy, after the hilarious come from behind victory the Celtics had despite no Allen or Rondo, you know this one ought to be a doozy.  The Hawks are going to be without Josh Smith and Al Hortford.  Let's just pencil this one as 2-1 Celtics.


Bulls vs 1776ers:  Still reeling from the Derrick Rose fiasco, we now have a series on our hands.  I still think the Bulls can take this series, but do they?


Lakers vs Nuggets:  You know, it's funny how the games where Kobe takes less than 15 shots, the Lakers usually win in commanding fashion.  Even the games where he shoots 75% from the floor (once a year) and takes 25+ shots, the Lakers kinda just "hang on" for the win.  I think Denver takes Game 3, and JaVale Magoo goes from a team that was on pace to be one of the worst of all time to getting his first (and maybe last?) playoff win of the year.





SATURDAY:


Pacers vs Magic:  I can promise you that you can find much better things to do on a Saturday night then watch this game.  Even bouncing a ball within the walls of your bedroom would lead to more excitement.

But at least we'll get to watch Hedo Turkeyglue in action.  Hell, even Stan Van Gundy hates him:


 




Grizzlies vs Clippers:  I don't know if anything can beat the uh...excitement of a 27 point come from behind victory.

But really folks, nothing beats the excitement this kid had for Z-Bo.....or maybe he's just as excited as I am that the Grizz were just 6 points from free hamburgers for the entire arena:







Thunder vs Mavs: 

Get ready to see a lot of this from Mark Cuban:






Spurs vs Jazz:  Well isn't this matchup exciting?  Maybe Utah can keep it interesting and only try to lose by less than 15 points.

As for the Spurs, every year we count them out, yet they refuse to go away and die.  As a matter of fact, team officials have already released the official 2025 Spurs Playoff Banner:







SUNDAY:


Bulls vs 1776ers:  If you're on the West Coast, I can't see you getting up at 10 AM for this game.  if you're on the East Coast and were partying hard the night before, keep sleeping.


Heat vs Knicks:  14 straight playoff losses baby!


Hawks vs Celtics:  This just about sums it up for the Hawks.




Lakers vs Nuggets:  By the time this game is over, I'm hoping we'll have more to add to the JaVale Magoo scrapbook!



Chris's Lacktation Report:

Heat-The Nearly Extinguished Brickerbockers: Norris Cole notched a foul in 222 seconds for a +1.

Thunder-Mavs: Nick Collison canceled out three boards in 13:18 with a brick, a turnover, and three fouls for a 4:3 Voskuhl.  Royal Ivey and Lazar Hayward had matching suck differentials of +1 in 201 seconds, Ivey via brick from the Majestic Theatre and Hayward via turnover.




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