Remember when this post made sense? Because it doesn't anymore.
Heel Face Turn (heel fas' turn) noun. When a formerly (and widely recognized) "bad guy" becomes a "good guy."

Usage example: Zach Randolph pulled a heel face turn this season.

Word origin: In Professional Wrestling, an evil wrestler (known as a "heel") sometimes has a change of heart and becomes good, transforming into a "babyface." The term for this is "Heel Face Turn."

The Heel Face Turn, or the concept at least, didn't originate in Professional Wrestling. It's actually a pretty common literary device. One of the most well-known Heel Face Turns occurs when Ebenezer Scrooge goes from being an evil old miser to a loving bastion of generosity in Charles Dickens' 1843 novel A Christmas Carol. A similar metamorphosis happened to the Grinch in Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

Don't get me wrong. The Heel Face Turn isn't limited to Christmas stories. For example, take Dolokhov in War and Peace, Edmund in King Lear, or Inspector Javert in Les Misérables. They all did Heel Face Turns.

Of course, the Heel Face Turn happens in movies all the time. A classic example was when Arnie's T-800 was sent back in time to save John Connor in Terminator 2. But the best film example -- and maybe the most well-recognized modern example -- was when Darth Vader turned on Emperor Palpatine to save his son in Return of the Jedi.

The Heel Face Turn happens in real life, too. Take the story of Johann Blumenbach, the man who helped popularize the concept of "scientific" racism, known as eugenics. Blumenbach went on to fall in love with a black woman and spent much of the rest of his career trying to undo his mistakes.

In the realm of real life, though, Heel Face Turns happen most often in sports. Take the (relatively recent) story of Brett Favre, who went from a tormenter of the Vikings to a hero that nearly led them to a Super Bowl (and then, of course, blew his hero status to hell by playing like feces the next season).

This happens periodically in the NBA as well. Just this season, Zach Randolph went from heel to babyface right before our eyes. There wasn't a large deviation in his stats, which remained similar to his career numbers, but he seemingly became more interested in contributing to a winning situation than "getting his."

For most of his career, Z-Bo had annoyed and/or astounded his coaches and teammates by displaying a shockingly low basketball IQ. I mean, here was a guy who was unstoppable in the paint, but who would jack up three-pointers in critical situations. Nobody knew quite what to expect from Zach...other than that he would make the worst conceivable decision and the worst possible time.

Until this season. Remember, prior to the 2010-11 campaign, Randolph was widely considered a loafer at best and a head case at worst. In essence, he was seen as a better (and let fat) version of Eddy Curry.

Randolph's Heel Face Turn happened slowly over the course of the season, but his clutch dismantling of the Spurs in the first round of the 2011 Western Conference Playoffs was "The Moment" when his transformation became complete. The change didn't only change the public perception. It seems (unless I'm way off here) to have changed Randolph's perception of himself. Take the Grizzlies' second round series against the Thunder. If you watched it, you know Oklahoma City's anti-Randolph strategy was to play Z-Bo as physically as possible. They grabbed him, held him, sometimes arm-locked him and often delivered "harder than strictly necessary" fouls.

The old Zach, I'm convinced, would have eventually lost his shit and thrown a punch. Or at least flipped somebody off. I mean, we're talking about a guy who once face-punched a teammate in practice. And there were times I think he really wanted to do that to somebody on the Thunder. But when those situations presented themselves, he could be seen visibly calming himself and then patting his defender(s) on the back and saying something like, "Good foul, man."

It wasn't just a career transformation. It was a life transformation.

Other notable Heel Face Turns include:

Wilt Chamberlain, who became a hero in the later stages of his career, if only because NBA fans had become threatened by the emergence (and political/religious leanings of) Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Kareem also did a Heel Face Turn during the second half of his stint with the Lakers. He went from being a cold, angry black man who aroused fear and resentment to a wise elder statesman and a winner. (It helped that he was paired with the irresistibly charismatic Magic Johnson. In point of fact, Magic's demeanor may have done more to change perception about Kareem than anything Abdul-Jabbar did himself.)

Dennis Rodman experienced a lesser version of the Heel Face Turn when he -- a former Bad Boy Piston and certified villain in Chicago -- joined forces with Michael Jordan on the Chicago Bulls.

Shaq, who for years had been seen as a fearsome (and, at times, spiteful) goliath who used his mammoth strength (and uncalled offensive fouls) rather than skill to power his way to the basket, became a sympathetic figure when the Lakers seemingly took sides in the big man's feud with teammate Kobe Bryant, shipping O'Neal to the Miami Heat and rebuilding around Bryant despite the fact that Shaq had been the foundation of their three most recent NBA titles.

Kobe himself went from a near pariah -- thanks largely to accusations of rape, allegations that he threw Shaq under the bus during those rape accusations by telling police that O'Neal paid his lovers off to ensure their silence, for allegedly demanding the Lakers ship Shaq out of town, and, of course, his on court selfishness -- to redeemed MVP and "The Man" on back-to-back championship teams. However, this wasn't a true Heel Face Turn, given that a very large segment of the NBA fandom still despises Bryant.

The flip side to the Heel Face Turn is the Face Heel Turn, in which a good guy becomes a bad guy. Real life Face Heel Turn examples include Marcus Brutus and Benedict Arnold. Or, using a previous example, Brett Favre. After all, Favre became a Heel in the eyes of Green Bay fans (and many other NFL fans as well) when he retired from the Packers, unretired, joined the Jets, re-retired, unretired again, joined the Vikings, re-re-retired, unretired yet again, rejoined the Vikings, re-re-re-retired, etc.

In the NBA, LeBron James did what may be the biggest Face Heel Turn in the history of sports Face Heel Turns. After years of leading his "hometown" Cavaliers -- and, in fact, promising not to stop until he led Cleveland to a championship -- he spurned the city and team that loved him with manic desperation to join Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami. As we all know, it wasn't so much that he did it as how he did it, in a public TV spectacle that was aired on ESPN to feed his titanic ego...as if he could possibly have needed any ego-stroking. This, of course, came on the heels of several years worth of rabid speculation that has turned Cavs fansa and management into a bunch of paranoid basket cases.

In many ways, LeBron's Face Heel Turn mirrors my personal all-time favorite Face Heel Turn...by Hulk Hogan at WCW's Bash at the Beach in 1996.

And here's a funtastic extra: In this thread at TheW.com, TheOldMan transcribes Hogan's words from the bash, as if it was what LeBron really said during The Decision. In this case, Dwayne Wade would be Scott Hall and Chris Bosh would be Kevin Nash.

Michael Wilbon: LeBron James, excuse me. Excuse me. What in the world are you thinking?

LeBron James: Wilbon, the first thing you gotta do is to tell these people to shut up if they want to hear what I've gotta say.

Michael Wilbon: I have been covering you for so many years...for you to join up with the likes of these two men absoulutely makes me SICK to my stomach! And I think that these people here and this circus? The whole basketball world have had just about enough of this man and this man and you want to put yourself in this group? You've gotta be...kidding me!

LeBron James: Well the first thing you've gotta realize brother -- is that this right here is the future of basketball. You can call this the New World Order of basketball, brother. These two men were tired of losing and everybody was wondering about who the third man was. Well, who knows more about losing in the playoffs than me, brother?

Michael Wilbon: I've covered lots of great athletes and seen how built their legacy with their original team. You have made the wrong decision in my opinion.

LeBron James: Well let me tell you something, I made the Cleveland Cavaliers, brother! I made the people rich up there. I made the people that ran that organization rich up there. And when it all came to pass, the name LeBron James, the man LeBron James got bigger than the entire organization, brother! And then James Dolan amigo, he wanted to talk turkey with LeBron James. Well, James Dolan promised me endorsements brother. James Dolan promised me a trillion dollars. And James Dolan promised me world-class teammates. Amar'e Stoudemire??? So as far as James Dolan, Dan Gilbert and the rest of the NBA goes, I'm bored brother. That's why I want these two guys here, these so called All-Stars, these are the men I want as my friends. They are the new blood of professional basketball and not only are we going to take over the whole NBA, with LeBron James, the new blood and these monsters with me. We will destroy everything in our path Wilbon.

Michael Wilbon: [referring to the garbage being thrown in their direction] Look at all of this crap at your feet! This is what's in the future for you if you want to hang around the likes of this man Wade, and this man Bosh.

LeBron James: As far as I'm concerned, all of this crap represents the fans out there. For seven years brother! For seven years, I held my head high. I did everything for the charities. I did everything for the kids. And the reception I got when I announced my decision? You Cavalier fans can stick it, brother! Because if it wasn't for LeBron James, you people wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for LeBron James, Mike Brown would be selling meat from a truck in Indianapolis. And if it wasn't for LeBron James, all of these "Johnny come-lately bandwagon fans" that you see out here - basketball wouldn't exist in Cleveland! I was selling the world out brother as an 18-year old while they were waiting tables to get through college. So the way it is now brother, with LeBron James and the New World Order of basketball brother, me and the new blood by my side. Whatcha gonna do when the New World Order runs wild on you? Whatcha gonna do?

LeBron James: [Grabs Wilbon] What are you gonna do?

Michael Wilbon: Hey, don't touch me! Don't touch me, I'm going to see the lawyers! Stu, Jim, Chris, Dammit let's get back to you!

Stuart Scott: All right. We have seen the end of LeBronamania. For Chris Broussard, for Jim Gray, For Michael Wilbon, I don't know...I'm Stuart Scott. LeBron James, you can go to hell! We're outta here. Straight to hell.

Stuart Scott: Boo-yah!

Usage note: Many times, you'll see Heel Face Turn shortened to simply "Face Turn" and Face Heel Turn" truncated to "Heel Turn." That's how I typically do it, anyway.

Contribute! Can you remember an NBA-related Heel Face Turn or Face Heel Turn I didn't mention? Leave it in the comments. The best submissions will be added to this post.

References: Television Tropes and Idioms; Wikipedia Glossary of Professional Wrestling Terms.

Labels: Face Heel Turn, Heel Face Turn, Hulk Hogan, Lebron James, Word of the Day, Zach Randolph

The Detroit Pistons: I'll get to their "amazing comeback" in a minute. The Pistons are in way over their heads against the Crabs. The series is a joke. Nobody's giving them a chance. All anybody can talk about is how far this squad has fallen from what they were. Their defense is average at best, and the offensive execution that has been their hallmark for the last several years just isn't there anymore. (Turns out it's in Denver...inside Chauncey Billups.) "Total disarray" doesn't begin to touch upon the disappointment that is the Pistons. For a team that isn't suffering from any major injuries or any serious internal dissent (that we know of), this collapse is just depressing. Basically, it took the Cavs collectively hitting the snooze button for them to finish within a dozen points.

Iverson's cap-munching contract comes off the books this summer. So they're gonna have cap space. Joe Dumars can still turn this thing back around. But if he doesn't, he could go down in Detroit history as the second-coming of Matt Millen...which is crazy.

The Cleveland Cavaliers: Way to fall asleep in the fourth quarter, guys. The Crabs were up by 29 points in the fourth quarter when LeBron and, apparently, everybody else checked out of the game. Detroit then went on an improbable 27-5 run, pulling to within 7 points with 3:51 left. King Crab and the rest of the Cleveland starters were forced back into service to pull out the win. Memo to the Craboliers: Despite your stunning dominance, David Stern still requires you to play a full 48 minutes per game. Thank you. Said Mo Williams: "We're getting out of here with a sour taste in our mouths." Yeah, that's called vomit, Mo.

The Cavs' bench: Cleveland's pine jockeys combined for exactly one field goal. Not in the fourth quarter...FOR THE ENTIRE GAME. The reserves went 1-for-11 in 61 minutes of truly craptastic lacktion.

On the subject of the Crabs, Jamali Jack sent in a link to this video, via Slam Online: "Remember how serious the Celtics were during the Playoffs? That sort of concentration could drive a player to insanity! Well, the Cavs found a way to alleviate the pressure that comes with having the League’s best record. Although it’s not a closet full of cold ones, this isn't a bad remedy either."


Ron Artest: With Greg Oden and the Vanilla Godzilla dropping a steel net over Yao Ming (11 points, 4 fouls), Ron-Ron stepped in to pick up the slack...by chucking it up without conscience. Artest went 8-for-20 from the field yet somehow attempted only two free throws. That's probably because 18 of his 20 attempts were jump shots. That included a 1-for-8 effort from beyond the arc.

But it doesn't stop there. Brandon Roy went supernova, blowing up for 42 points (15-for-27 from the field, 10-for-12 from the line) and committing zero turnovers against the combined defense of Artest and Shane Battier. Roy also drilled a late-game three right in Ron's mug to push Portland's lead to 7 with 2:27 left. Not exactly a proud performance for a former Defensive Player of the Year. Maybe next time Artest can just pants Roy and then sing him a jaunty tune...


Still, despite the win, Wild Yams doesn't sound sold on the Blazers: "If I was Portland, I'd be most scared of the fact that their main advantage supposedly is their home court edge, and yet at home they got blown out in one game and barely won a second game in which their two stars had monster games while the opposing team's star hardly did anything. Portland's gonna get hammered in Houston."

Greg Oden: From AnacondaHL: "Just wanted to make sure you didn't miss Greg Oden's outstanding 24.75 PF/48min performance last night (his season average was 8.7 (link says FT per 36, but it's PF per 48). Obviously we're going to have to invent the Oden metric of bawful." Sounds like a challenge...get on it, people!

The End of Mount Mutumbo: Major, major sad face here, people:

Houston Rockets center Dikembe Mutombo said his lengthy career is finished after a knee injury knocked him out of the Rockets' playoff game Tuesday night against the Trail Blazers.

"For me, basketball is over," he said.

Mutombo, an 18-year NBA veteran, appeared to get tangled with Portland center Greg Oden and came down hard on his left leg late in the first quarter of Game 2 and did not return.

He stayed prone on the court under the Blazers’ basket for several moments before he was taken away by stretcher. A preliminary examination revealed a knee strain.

Afterward in Houston's locker room, the 7-foot-2 veteran was on crutches and fighting back tears.

"Nobody ever thought they'd be carrying the big guy out like a wounded soldier," he said.

Mutombo, the league's oldest player at 42, will be examined by doctors in Houston on Wednesday.

"Dikembe is one of the statesmen of this league," teammate Shane Battier said. "There's not a better guy. To see him in pain is tough to see. He cares so much about this game that he doesn’t want to end his career like that. That's the tragedy of it, too."

Goddamn it, Greg Oden! It's bad enough you can't keep your own body from breaking down, did you really have to destroy Dikembe, too? I guess Greg just wanted to officially become the oldest player in the NBA, and only Mutumbo was in his way. Anyway, since I'm way too bummed to write a proper tribute, here's one of my all-time favorite Mutumbo commercials:


The Utah Jazz: What can I say? The Jazz gave it there all and still came up woefully short. As Radical Rex put it: "Letting Shannon Brown, yes the Shannon Brown who has this for his NBA.com profile picture, score 12 points on you in the playoffs = fail. Fail! Fail! Fail! Also don't forget Jarron Collins the anti-Midas, everything he touches turns to sh*t. He was back to his old ways last night. As usual he showed a marked preference for fouling (4) over rebounding (2). Why Coach Jerry Sloan chose to start Collins over a lukewarm pail of dishwater is beyond me."

Frankly, I'm less concerned about Collins than I am about Utah's defense. L.A. shot 60 percent from the field (45-for-75) and 55 percent from beyond the arc (11-for-20). Deron Williams scored a playoff career-high 35 points, Carlos Boozer had a double-double (20 points, 10 rebounds) and the Jazz forced 21 turnovers...yet none of that mattered. They looked overwhelmed and overmatched against a well-balanced Lakers team that had seven players in double figures. But keep in mind, Utah is a terrible road team and a pretty good home team. So I want to see how they play in Game 3 before I officially write them off. (I'm kidding. I've already written them off.)

Fox News: Utah's injury problems have gotten so out of hand that players who aren't even on the team are listed in their injury report. Thanks to DL for the screen capture:


Lacktion report: Chris is serving up some yummy playoff lacktion.

Pistons-Cavs: Another double-digit loss in the toughest home aquarium in the Association provides the scene for a routine night of basketball lacktivity. Michael Curry spiced up the bench through the appearance of Mr. #1 Overall himself, Kwame Brown, whose three rebounds in 18:38 were negated by three bricks, two giveaways, one rejection and five fouls for a massive Voskuhl of 7:3! Ouch.

Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson continues to pinch out pointlessness with a three-brick and two-foul stint in 6:20 - two of those three missed shots at the charity stripe! - resulting in a nice suck differential of +5, the top mark so far this postseason in his second straight showing of somnambulence.

Jazz-Lakers: Ronnie Price spent two minutes flat working on a one-brick appearance from the Santa Ana Freeway, resulting in a +1.

Ericka Dampier: Most of you already know that Ms. Dampier is envoking "Parker Rules" for Game 3 of the Mavs-Spurs series, but here's what Basketbawful reader Sturla had to say about it: "So Erick Dampier was a little pissed that Mr. Longoria used the last game as a layup drill and has promised to 'put him on his back' the first time he drives to the basket in their next game. Ok, I'm all good with that, growing up watching the Knicks beating the shit out of everybody in their way (and sometimes going out of their way to do so), so that’s my kind of basketball. But after watching this video, my question to Dampier is: How the hell are you going to do that when you haven't even crossed the !"#$%@ middle when he's finishing his layup?!?" That's a reasonable question, I'd say.

Hulk Hogan: This is a few days late. I meant to include it in Worst of the Weekend, but here it is: Hogan, otherwise known as the creator of Hulkamania, one of mankind's most pervasive and influential social movements, currently is going through a turbulent and bitter divorce. So bitter, in fact, that the Hulk recently said he...gets why O.J. Simpson slaughtered his ex-wife?! Oh yes he did: "I could've turned everything into a crime scene, like O.J., cutting everybody's throat. You see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, sleeping in your bed, with your wife. I mean, I totally understand O.J." This statement, naturally, prompted the expected backlash, after which his wife, Linda, said through her rep that she's taking Hulk's "homocidal comments seriously." Of course, Hogan's rep let everybody know that his client "in no way condones the O.J. situation." Hulk himself said his comments were taken out of context, and his daughter, Brook, agrees.

What a mess. Know who I blame? Hulk's evil alter ego, "Hollywood Hogan." If Hulk spray paints a fake beard on his face, we'll know for sure what's going on.

Guillain-Barre Syndrome: In case you haven't brushed up on little-known autoimmune diseases lately, GBS is a rare condition that occurs when immune system cells mistakenly attack nerve cells that support the muscles...and it has hospitalized William "The Refrigerator" Perry. The Fridge currently is in serious condition at a South Carolina hospital. On the bright side, Perry's agent has said that he'll be okay.

That's a relief, but it's still rather jarring to imagine the Fridge -- one of NFL history's truly indomitable figures -- laying prone and nearly helpless in a hospital bed. If you grew up in or around the Chicagoland area, then the legend of Perry and the 1985 Chicago Bears are probably forever burned into your subconscious. Those players were immortals, and still are around these parts. And the Fridge was probably the second-most loved of them, after (of course) the great, great Walter Payton. Let's hope he feels better very soon.

Crazy freaking strippers: Basketbawful reader James wrote: "I know how we have these stories some times like the Scranton chicken wings lady...well this one is from King James' town and involves a fight to the death (almost) between two 50-year-old strippers." Yes, this warrants reprinting the entire story:

A 52-year-old woman who took a job as an exotic dancer to help make ends meet was attacked on her first day by a jealous co-worker armed with a stiletto shoe, police said.

The altercation occurred Friday night at Club 1245 at 1245 E. Tallmadge Ave., according to Akron police.

The victim received multiple cuts to her face that were treated at a local hospital with seven staples, police said. She has refused to discuss the incident with detectives.

Police said the victim needed extra money and got the job with the help of a friend. Friday was her first day, and as she walked into the basement dressing room, she was attacked by a co-worker armed with the shoe, police said.

"The other girls were upset she was there and said, 'We don't need any more dancers around here,'" Akron police Lt. Rick Edwards said.

A dancer then took her high-heeled shoe and began striking the rookie stripper in the face, police said. The victim was taken to Akron General Medical Center, where nurses contacted police.

The victim left the emergency room before police arrived. Edwards said the dancer did not want to make a report. However, hospital officials are obligated under Ohio law to report the assault.

The suspect is described only as a black female in her late 40s.

I want this to serve as an object lesson, guys. Strippers are insane. I'm talking pure, dagnasty crazy. If you frequent strip clubs, or even go just on the random occasion, chances are you may actually get hit on by a stripper. Trust me, it happens more than you'd think. It's happened to me. It's happened to my friends. And it NEVER ends well. Don't be fooled. Just hand over your money and walk away. Don't be tricked into thinking "I'm the freaking man! This stripper totally wants to go out with me!" Just remember the immortal words of Admiral Ackbar. I'll leave it at that.

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Hulk Hogan, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA playoffs, Portland Trail Blazers, Utah Jazz, William "The Refrigerator" Perry, Worst of the Night

Would you dress your daughter like this?Then you may qualify for a special award...

Well, they're both great at flopping to the ground after little or no contact, but now they have something else in common too: They, along with Tom Glavine of the New York Mets, will be among those honored at the 66th annual National Father of the Year luncheon.

This announcement raises an important question. Although he started the revolutionary cultural movement known as Hulkamania*, should Hulk Hogan really be a candidate for Father of the Year? I mean, I know he bodyslammed Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania 3, and that was so awesome it created an entire parallel universe full of miniature Roddy Pipers. But Hogan's fatherly duties include flexing his gigantic arms, dressing his daughter up like a skank, and parading her around the set of his reality TV show in order to further her, ahem, singing career.

*The Urban Dictionary refers to Hulkamania as "more of a force of nature than a tangible object" and "the strongest force in the universe." Yep, that's about right.

That isn't to say I wouldn't make hot, sweaty, wrestling-themed love to Brook Hogan, probably to the tune of Rick Derringer's Real American. I would. But I'm not sure that -- even in the afterglow of what would undoubtedly be a night of epic passion -- I'd crawl out of bed the next day and cast a Father of the Year ballot with the Hulk's name on it. That would just seem wrong, somehow. But then, I've always been a pretty old-fashioned guy.

Anyway, I wonder what Dwyane Wade did to match Hogan's fathering credentials? Did he try to sell his childen into slavery overseas? Did he dangle them over a balcony, or maybe go for a drive without first securing them into the car using government-approved child safety devices? We may never know. But we do know this: Their names -- Zaire Blessing and Zion Malachi Airamis -- will earn them around 20 to 30 thousand painful wedgies throughout their middle and high school years. So you can add Wade's sons to the group of people who might dispute his candidacy for Father of the Year.

Brook got to rub her luscious breasts upagainst Dennis "The Worm" Rodman. Sweet!

Labels: Brook Hogan, Dwyane Wade, Father of the Year, Hulk Hogan