Hogan
Would you dress your daughter like this?
Then you may qualify for a special award...

Well, they're both great at flopping to the ground after little or no contact, but now they have something else in common too: They, along with Tom Glavine of the New York Mets, will be among those honored at the 66th annual National Father of the Year luncheon.

This announcement raises an important question. Although he started the revolutionary cultural movement known as Hulkamania*, should Hulk Hogan really be a candidate for Father of the Year? I mean, I know he bodyslammed Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania 3, and that was so awesome it created an entire parallel universe full of miniature Roddy Pipers. But Hogan's fatherly duties include flexing his gigantic arms, dressing his daughter up like a skank, and parading her around the set of his reality TV show in order to further her, ahem, singing career.

*The Urban Dictionary refers to Hulkamania as "more of a force of nature than a tangible object" and "the strongest force in the universe." Yep, that's about right.

That isn't to say I wouldn't make hot, sweaty, wrestling-themed love to Brook Hogan, probably to the tune of Rick Derringer's Real American. I would. But I'm not sure that -- even in the afterglow of what would undoubtedly be a night of epic passion -- I'd crawl out of bed the next day and cast a Father of the Year ballot with the Hulk's name on it. That would just seem wrong, somehow. But then, I've always been a pretty old-fashioned guy.

Anyway, I wonder what Dwyane Wade did to match Hogan's fathering credentials? Did he try to sell his childen into slavery overseas? Did he dangle them over a balcony, or maybe go for a drive without first securing them into the car using government-approved child safety devices? We may never know. But we do know this: Their names -- Zaire Blessing and Zion Malachi Airamis -- will earn them around 20 to 30 thousand painful wedgies throughout their middle and high school years. So you can add Wade's sons to the group of people who might dispute his candidacy for Father of the Year.

brook rodman
Brook got to rub her luscious breasts up
against Dennis "The Worm" Rodman. Sweet!

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1 Comments:
Blogger Brad said...
Wade is from chicago. Play really hard, and has steadily improved his game. He has sublime moves and kids across pickup leagues of america are copying them. (no not the free throws) He puts his family first. Plays within the team, is an excellent passer, and is just getting better. Why is it that you always critisize him? I just don't get it. I would like it explained to me.

P.S. I really like your blog, think you are funny guy, and would like to play pick up basketball with you. I travel on business, and I have no idea where you are from, but if you play a pickup game and I am in town, I would love to come play. (Please categorize which guy I would be, that entry has had me giggling for every time I play)

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