So let me get this straight: the first three - and most important - picks in the draft are left to a mysterious, shady system of "Here's who we supposedly selected to pick 1 thru 3 in a back room somewhere," but the rest of the picks are ordered by the traditional system used by every other league since the beginning of time, "That team which sucketh the most shall getteth the highest pick."

This lottery system supposedly defends against teams intentionally tanking to get a higher draft pick. But the fact is, there's STILL an incentive for teams to tank - they get a higher percentage possibility of receiving a better pick. Or at least they THINK they will...I'm guessing Stern, realizing that his lottery plot hasn't kept teams from doing what they will, is now choosing the order of the draft himself to further dissuade what he considers bad behavior. Is that grassy knoll conspiracy theory talk? Yes, and that is how much I have lost faith in the ability of Stern to lead this league. I can just see him in a dark room, putting the cards in the envelopes, muttering to himself..."That'll teach you to intentionally suck, Boston."

What Stern doesn't realize is that the Celtics weren't trying to suck that hard - THEY REALLY ARE THAT BAD. C'mon, David, throw us a bone here. We were half of what kept the league alive during the Bird/Magic era...hell, with Larry's help, we MADE YOU WHAT YOU ARE, MAN. Are we asking for all that much? Oden is going to be little more than Ben Wallace when he hits the Pros, and Durant is a whole lotta hype. C'mon, dude - give us a reason to breathe.

The fact is, tons of enormous, legendary talent has been selected at or below the fifth pick, where the Celts now stand. But is Danny Ainge smart enough to find it? Hmmm, just peek at the last 20 years of Celtics lore a few posts down to figure that one out.

OK, back on point: Mr. Stern, leave it to you to make your draft as inconsistent and unpalatable as your league's officiating. No wonder a website called Basketbawful has so goddamn much content.

Below is some excruciating video of an NBA draft party attended by every basketball fan in the Portland area, made up predominantly of what appear to be illiterate lumberjacks. My favorite part of this video is the end where the dude says "We TOLD you we were headed in the right direction! We weren't lying." Way to interpret pure, blind luck as managerial prowess, dork. Even Danny Ainge wouldn't have said that.

Am I bitter that this stupid lottery system has
consistently worked against the Celtics? You betcha.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
So I suppose that Henry Abbot is said "illiterate lumberjack" since he is a huge Blazer fan as well? His blog is a hell of a lot more successful and better than yours. I hate to break it to you buddy but Portland Oregon is one of the most educated cities in the US. Basketball aside, you really sound intolerant and ignorant.
Go on believing in your curse or what ever the hell your excuse is for bad coaching and bad management.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Gosh anonymous. Those are harsh words. I'll try to type a response through my waterfall of tears.

Was Evil Ted, the author of this post, indicting Henry Abbot? Not sure, since ET was specifically talking about people "in the Portland area," and I'm relatively certain that Mr. Abbot doesn't live there. Nor do we at Basketbawful consider him an illiterate lumberjack, otherwise his blog posts would be carved in cuneform on an old log. I guess. That's just how I imagine illiterate lumberjacks communicating.

Just for the record: according to Encarta, Portland ranks behind Lexington, KY, in the list of the most educated cities in the U.S. For some reason that seems telling.

Is Henry's blog better and more successful than mine. Yup. I would hope so. But besides the fact that he's brilliant at what he does, I'm pretty sure that's Henry's "day job." I work as an executive for a global software company. That makes this blog my "hobby."

Of course, the funny thing is, you are pretty free with accusations of intolerance and ignorance, yet you make blanket statements about me and my blog without even checking the signature on the post to determine that it was, in fact, written by a friend from Boston who occassionally contributes. So feel free to take your own intolerance and ignorance and, well, you seem like an intelligent lad, so I'm sure you can figure out something to do with it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Kudos for posting my last response. My comment was directed at ET, not you. Sorry for generalizing to all that post on your blog. I'm actually am a huge fan of yours.

And for the record, that whole "Portland ranks behind Lexington, KY.." is a bit misleading since both cities are in the top 15. I don't actually live in Portland but take attacks against my own personal.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Hey anonymous. I'm guessing your a Portland fan? Fact is, I am too. And I know the Blazers have seen hard times and heartache over the years. I mean, losing 4-1 in the '90 Finals, having the league's best record but getting upset in the '91 WCFs, then losing to the Bulls in the '92 Finals. The downfall of that Blazers team, the famous collapse against the Lakers in 2000, the "Jailblazer" era. Those are the kinds of things that can make you an angry, bitter fan.

Evil Ted grew up in Boston, and he's got an almost Sports Guy-like obsession with the Boston teams (to the point that he and I have yearly arguments -- heated ones -- about Patriots/Colts).

Of course, I'm a huge Celtics fan too. When I saw them get the 5th pick, my jaw dropped. Now, my anger wasn't really directed at the Portland organization, because they didn't do anything wrong. I'm not sure I agree with the lottery system, but then again, I don't necessarily have a better solution. The whole thing is a mess, particularly due to the fact that teams knowingly tank.

You're right; Portland and Lexington both rank in the top 15. My sister lives in Lexington and I end up visiting her several times a year. Not that the people there are inbred mutants, but I don't know if I'd rightly qualify them as one of the most intelligent towns in our country (certainly not ahead of my own town, Chicago). So I have to wonder about the methods they use to quantify something like "most intelligent city." Short of forcing everyone who lives there to take an IQ test.

Anonymous Don Paco said...
It's incredible how Celtics fans felt ENTITLED to one of the top picks. And now they all come out whining about how the lottery is unfair.

Hey Evil Ted, you want to get mad at Portland - why don't you get mad at them for conning Danny Ainge into turning diamonds (Brandon Roy) into dogshit (Bassy Telfair)?

Blogger Evil Ted said...

Next time you hurl insults, please make sure you hurl them directly at me, rather than at my dear friend Basketbawful. I can't stand it when hypersensitive, needlessly serious comments don't make their way to me.

Anyway, thanks to Basketbawful for defending my honor, what little of it there is.

Most of my post was an indictment of the lottery system, which I continue to maintain is a needless farce, but as for my crack against Portland...

...look, I've never even BEEN to Portland, so my assertion that the area is filled predominantly with illiterate lumberjacks is completely baseless (upon second viewing, nobody in the video is wearing a red and black plaid flannel shirt, but that's probably just because the weather was temperate that day).

This was just my way - albeit my childish, self-indulgent way - of bringing down the team-slash-region that received the first pick. Had Seattle won it, I'd have likely called them a bunch of "pot smoking, sour coffee swilling, Nirvana listening, sandal wearing, Microsoft Windows using, Bill Gates poster humping, elitist snobs." There. I've insulted a whole other group of people, just to give the first group some company. Feel better?

Sorry Anonymous, baseless insults are all I have left at this point...well, that and the measly fifth pick...oh, and the comfort of knowing that I hail from the city with the most incredible, intelligent, most evenly tanned, funniest, tallest, coolest, fittest, best dressed people in the world - Boston, Massachusetts.

To all future readers looking to be offended by comments about Don Imus, Rutgers, illiterate Portland lumberjacks, or hatred of the French, please take note: Evil Ted writes with tongue placed firmly in cheek.

I just love having to explain humor; it doesn't suck all the humor out of humor.

It really doesn't.

Not at all.

Hugs and kisses,
Evil Ted

Anonymous Matt said...
Sorry about your Celtics Evilted, that sucks. I grew up in Portland (go to school out of state now) and I am a huge Blazer fan. I stuck with them through the John Nash era of drafting Telfair (sorry) and some Russian guys. We tanked last year and got the 4th pick when we should have gotten the 1st. This year we still sucked but didn't tank and the got the 1st.

Anyways, the point of the story is:

Not one of those illiterate lumberjacks was big enough of a douche-bag to hold up a custom made Oden Blazer jersey like that one Celtic fan on TV. Ha ha! Make sure to catch the Blazers on TNT!


Anonymous Matt said...
P.S. - Keep up the good work guys! Try and update more!


Blogger William said...
As a Portland area native, I must agree with Evil Ted. Seattle is full of people exactly as he described.

Incidentally, the name of Portland's pro lacrosse team: The Lumberjax.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
America's most literate cities:

Seattle, WA 1
Minneapolis, MN 2
Washington, DC 3
Atlanta, GA 4
San Francisco 5
Denver, CO 6
Boston, MA 7
Pittsburgh, PA 8
Cincinnati, OH 9.5
St. Paul, MN 9.5

But hey, Chicago is always in the top 3 for being the fattest, so you've got that going for you!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Durant is the real deal. He's much more talented than any other player in this years draft. Can't wait for you to eat your words after the season begins.

-I usually agree with what you have to say.

Anonymous bbhuckster said...
I can't wait for these idiots to realize Durant and Odom are going to get eaten alive by the recent acquisition of Mr. Kevin Garnett.

The alleged "humor" behind the "anonymous" posts are about as dry as the Arizona desert.

It seems his panties are in a huge wad, so he must be a Laker fan.