Could be worse. It could be The Magic Hour.
My fellow gamers should be happy to hear this new rumor: Michael Jordan might be on the cover of NBA 2K11, and possibly even may be featured as a playable character. Or maybe this just means new features in a team ownership mode where you can draft scrubs like Kwame Brown and sign Larry Hughes while gambling and smoking cigars on a golf course.

Speaking of Jordan, Rajon Rondo hasn't really ever seen him play. According to this superb interview (h/t Jonah Keri for the link), he never was a fan of the NBA when he was younger. In fact, he grew up in Louisville only an hour and a half from Indianapolis (like me) and never once went to see them play a single game in person (also like me) However, he found he enjoyed basketball more than other sports and was really good at it (unlike me), so he made the NBA his goal because he knew that was the highest level of basketball. Wouldn't you rather be in the NBA rather than playing in the D-League or overseas, even if it means being Adam Morrison? (Okay, bad example, not even Adam Morrison wants to be Adam Morrison.)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

I'm surprised they didn't slap Glen Davis with the first-ever quadruple technical foul or something for this

Hey refs, can you go ahead and "T" up Vag Carter next game just because? Thanks in advance!
All The Games:
Suns at Lakers - TNT, 9:00pm
Series tied 2-2

The Lakers have won seven straight Game 5 home games. However, the Suns have Barkley's-colossal-ass-running-downhill momentum, and their zone defense is melting the Spanish Marshmallow Pau Gasol. (Mmm... melted marshmallows...) Lakers home-court means they get some mojo back and a little friendlier refereeing, but this should be a high-intensity game.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Boston Celtics, Kwame Brown, Larry Hughes, Los Angeles Lakers, Orlando Magic, Phoenix Suns

Woah, take it down a notch, Andre!
The playoffs have resulted in us asking many questions. However, one question stands above the rest:

What the hell is going on with the plaid epidemic sweeping the NBA?

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Basketbawful reader Adrian submitted the following gem:

Larry Hughes' facial expression is golden, but it's secondary to the unintentional humour in the provided photo caption.

Forward Vince Carter #15 of the Orlando Magic drives in the lane while Tyson Chandler #6 (L) of the Charlotte Bobcats defends him and Bobcats forward Larry Hughes (R) looks on during Game Three of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals during the 2010 NBA Playoffs at Time Warner Cable Arena on April 24, 2010 in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Isn't that all Big-Shot Larry is good for these days anyway?

Not true. Big Shot Larry is also good at being the butt of many jokes!

"I'm not sure about this deodorant. What do you think?"

I had no idea you could cram so much wasted talent and so much bawful into one photo
All The Games:
Heat at Celtics - NBA TV, 7:00pm
Celtics lead series 3-1

How much longer can Dwyane Wade single-handedly will his team through the playoffs? What more can Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal do to murder his team? (Is someone watching kazam92 to make sure he doesn't snap and go on a rampage?)

Bulls at Crabs - TNT, 8:00pm
Crabs lead series 3-1

Kudos to the Bulls for not getting swept. They've shown some heart in this series. But I don't think it will matter much in the long run. And the long run might just end tonight.

Spurs at Mavericks - NBA TV, 9:30pm
Spurs lead series 3-1

I will not lie and tell you I foresaw George Hill being a serious force in this series. I will, however, enjoy every minute of it. You know, except for the "not being able to see this game without driving to a sports bar" part.

Thunder at Lakers - TNT, 10:30pm
Series tied 2-2

The Thunder are a good team, but they're young and about to play a road game with serious potential for a barrage of superstar calls to smack them down. I am very interested to see how they handle it. Not interested enough to stay up until almost 1am, but you can bet I'll watch some of the game.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Jermaine O'Neal, Larry Hughes

A scene from Shaun of the Dead or a Larry Hughes jump shot sighting?
From TrueHoop: "On a more positive note, Larry Hughes of the Knicks hit a jump shot with 8:30 remaining to snap his 0-for-18 slump to start the preseason. Hughes finished 1-for-3, upping his accuracy rate to 5 percent in New York's five exhibition games." That's the Big Shot Larry we know and loath.

But don't worry, Knicks fans. After all, Big Shot Larry says he isn't worried about his cold shooting: "I haven't been getting a lot of shots that I want and making shots that I want. But it's the preseason. I think I'm getting limited minutes and not getting into a rhythm. But it will come. I've played in this league a long time. I'm not concerned." Well, you know what John Cusack would say: when they tell you not to panic, that's when you RUN!!

Man, it's the a good thing the Knicks are only paying him $13,655,268 this season. Wait...oh God...

Thanks to both Erick and Hogey for the head's up.

Labels: fan submissions, Larry Hughes, TrueHoop

The Philadelphia 76ers: What a painful way to lose a game...or an amazing way to win it, depending on which team you're on. This is easily the most amazing/improbable/ridiculous buzzer-beating game-winner I've ever seen.


The closest comparison I can come up with is the Jerry West's halfcourt shot in Game 3 of the 1970 NBA Finals. But West had a whole three seconds, whereas Harris had only 1.8 seconds. And it's not like the Sixers were playing prevent defense; Andre Iguodala actually managed to deflect the ball, but Harris immediately recovered and hit the shot. Incredible. In fact...

Izod Center timekeepers: Some of the Sixers think Devin's shot was a little TOO incredible. As one story put it: "They didn't understand how Harris had time to dribble once, get the ball knocked loose by Andre Iguodala and still have time to nail a 45-foot shot [in 1.8 seconds]." That's a pretty fair point. Andre Iguodala, for his part, thinks the clock started late. "That was a big issue. That gave them a few tenths of a second. That pretty much decided it right there. There was a lot going on in 1.8 seconds. I thought for sure it wasn't good and still don't think it was good. For us to lose a game like that, it seems like that's the way the season's been. We just don't get it to go our way" Iggy also thought Harris traveled on the play.

Personally, I agree with Andre. No way all that could have happened in 1.8 seconds, not unless some kind of freaky time warp was involved. In which case: Sweet! But I kinda doubt that's the case. Still, even though the fix was in from on high, some (or, rather, a lot) of the blame for this loss goes to...

Philly's free throw shooting: The Sixers were 23-for-37 from the line. For those of you who enjoy simple mathemology, that means they bonked 14 freebies. It's pretty hard to shoot that poorly from the line and win on the road. Even in New Jersey. As Sixers coach Tony DiLeo put it: "We have to make those so it doesn't come down to a circus shot at the end."

Pacers versus Knicks: This game might as well be billed "Dr. Frankenstein versus Dr. Herbert West," with Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni playing the role of Frankenstein and Pacers headman Jim O'Brien as West. There was so little defense played in this one that I think a few of the Pacers were credited for assists on some of the Knicks' baskets. The two teams combined for 190 shots, 54 three-point attempts and 79 free throws. And Nate Robinson continued his scorching ways, putting up a career-high 41 points, which [POINTLESS STAT ALERT!!] matched Bob McAdoo's franchise record for most points in a game by a reserve.

Of course, shame on the Knicks for letting this one come down to the final seconds. I mean, the Pacers are without All-Star Danny Granger (their best player and the league's sixth-best scorer) and Mike Dunleavy Jr. (who's more important to this team than you'd think). As David Lee put it: "That should have been a game that we should have won handily tonight with them having their two best players out, but any time you keep it close like that they have some shotmakers on their team. So it was too close for comfort tonight, but I'm just glad we got a win."

Speaking of Lee, this was a great postscript to the "David Lee versus Troy Murphy" debate I started last week. Lee had 20 points (8-for-17) and 13 rebounds. Murphy finished with 19 points (8-for-16) and 21 boards. I will assume that everybody can see my point now?

Larry Hughes: From the AP: "Larry Hughes continued a miserable start to his Knicks career by missing all five shots in the first half. After going 1-for-9 for three points in 16 minutes Sunday in a loss at Toronto, he had a corner jumper hit the side of the backboard, and threw up an air ball on another jumper. Acquired Thursday at the trade deadline, he was already hearing boos by late in the second quarter, and the boos resumed when he checked in again in the third." FAIL.

The Denver Nuggets: Uhm...who are these guys and what have they done with the Nuggets? Denver was the second-best team in the Western Conference less than a week ago. But they've given up 116, 120 and 114 points in their last three games, all losses. The first two defeats came against sub-.500 teams and last night's 114-76 beatdown happened at home against the Kevin Garnett-less Celtics. The Nuggets shot 34 percent, missed 18 of their 21 three-point attempts and even bonked 11 free throws. Quick history lesson: It was the Nuggets' worst home loss since February 2, 1998, when the Bulls crushed them 111-72. And those Nuggets weren't contenders...they won only 11 games! Bonus footnote: The 38-point margin of defeat tied for the second-biggest home loss since Denver joined the NBA in 1976. I know they didn't have Nene, but still.

But despite the fact that his team has jumped headfirst into "WTF?!" territory, Carmelo Anthony isn't sweating it. "We lost. Ain't really that much you can say about that. They came in and made shots, played well. We can make a lot of excuses about being fatigued, been on the road a long time, (playing) back to back, just getting home. There are a lot of things that can play into it. But we lost tonight. We'll take it on our chin and get ready for Wednesday." 'Melo sure is more mellow than he was last season...

Chauncey Billups: Hey, since we keep cracking on Detroit for giving up Mr. Big Shot in the trade for Allen Iverson, I feel compelled to point out Chauncey's putrid line: 3 points, 1-for-8, zero rebounds, 5 assists, a game-high 4 turnovers, 4 fouls and a team-worst plus-minus score of -38. Maybe Joe Dumars was right? (But not really.)

The Atlanta Hawks: The Dirty Birds were thumped 108-89 last night in Utah. They've now lost three of their last four games and have been playing sub-.500 ball (11-14) since they were a headline grabbing 21-10 back in December. I must once again point out that I predicted this and was openly scoffed at. I just love saying "toldja so." Believe it or not, the Hawks shot 50 percent for the game. That's good. But they also committed 20 turnovers for 21 Jazz points. That's not as good. Mike Bibby, who was supposedly sick, finished with zero points (0-for-3) and one lonely assist. Joe Johnson scored 15 on 7-for-12 shooting, but he had 4 turnovers and 4 fouls versus zero rebounds and zero assists. Said Al Horford: "They completely took it to us. They were making all of the hustle plays. Right now we are going through a little struggle."

Carlos Boozer: He returned from a 44-game absence and was inserted by Jerry Sloan right into the starting lineup. Sadly for Carlos and his dreams of a signing max contract this summer, he put in a performance that was worthy of a demotion to the D-League: 2 points (1-for-5), 5 boards, 2 assists, 2 turnovers, 2 fouls and a block against in 21 minutes. Meanwhile, Paul Milsap had his usual double-double (16 points, 12 rebounds) despite a slight decrease in playing time. I just can't wait to see who overpays for Boozer this July!

The Sacramento Kings: I'm not going to be too hard on them, since they played pretty well and had a reasonable shot at beating the Hornets in New Orleans. But it's still another loss for the team with the league's worst record (12-46). I can't NOT mention that. As an aside, Andres Nocioni followed up his stinker of a first game with the Kings by scoring 19 points on 7-for-11 shooting to go along with 3 boards, 3 assists and 3 steals. Of course, he also committed a team-high 4 turnovers and three of his four misses were blocked. So to the people of Sacramento, I say: Welcome to the Nocioni Roller Coaster. Fasten your seatbelts and please keep your hands inside the car.

The Golden State Warriors: A double-digit loss to the Clippers, huh? Ouch. Golden State, defenseless as always, conceded the inside to Zach Randolph (27 points) and conceded the three-pointer to pretty much everybody (The Other L.A. Team was 13-for-24 from distance). You know how some people say that if you left a million monkeys in a room with a million typewriters, they'd eventually write a book? I sort of thought that if these Warriors saw enough faces, they'd eventually put a hand in one. But I was wrong. So very wrong.

Lacktion report: Chris! Lacktion! Now!

Pacers-Knicks: In 27:49, Indiana's Jeff Foster racked up a slight Voskuhl at 10:9 -- 5 each of fouls and turnovers against 6 rebounds and 1 made field goal from behind the arc.

Hawks-Jazz: Jarron Collins and Ronnie Price provided Jerry Sloan some synchronized lacktion with one-brick +1 suck differentials in 4:03. Price however made sure to stylishly play the role of human victory cigar, making his one miss come from downtown.

Celtics-Nuggets: J.R. Giddens learned tonight that to be a star lacktator, one must learn from the best. Too much enthusiasm from his career-starting trillion encouraged this human victory cigar to start aiming for the basket, resulting in the rookie actually scoring more points tonight than fellow Celtic Kendrick Perkins! Giddens's giddiness contrasted starkly with Sonny Weems stoically solidifying his place on the All-Lacktion team via a single brick for +1 in 4:33.

Hornets-Kings: Cedric Simmons's acquisition by the purple paupers signaled a new urgency in the potato suck race to a #1 draft pick, and his +1 via brick in 5:50 no doubt will boost the cause. On the other hand, bawful poet laureate Rashad McCants hustled his way out of a double-brick performance with a pretentious blocked shot and two assists.

Warriors-Clippers: In the B-Dizzle Revenge Game, Los Angeles's Other Team actually received so many points through the efensive approach of Nellieball that Dunleavy and Sterling were able to put out a human victory cigar for a rare moment! Mike Taylor can now be played by Bob Hoskins in a sparsely-attended feature film, after posting a 21 second Mario on the board with a foul.

Adriana Lima: It's official. She...


...married him.


Okay. No big deal. Whatever. But just one thing...


Kobe Bryant: Mamba bet Adam Morrison he could beat him in a game of HORSE after practice. He threw the game, and when a jubilant Morrison asked Kobe to pay up, Mamba paid him in these. Speaking of tormenting teammates...

Update! LeBron James, fart machine: This is a bit late, but awesome. Thanks to Pat from Spain for sending it in.

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Denver Nuggets, Larry Hughes, Philadelphia 76ers, Sacramento Kings, she married that douche?, time keeping, Worst of the Night

Belated Cheryl Miller, quote machine: 747 commented: "I am really shocked nobody else noticed or mentioned the Cheryl Miller quote Machine. The greatest women's player ever can't say Barack Obama. If anybody caught it during the Celtics-Suns game: "Barama (gets flustered) Obama Barama (gives up on saying it right)." It's even funnier when you listen to it. So...do it.


The Indiana Pacers: After watching them lose (by my count) at least 18 close, winnable games this season, it was almost refreshing to see Indy get blown out 99-81 by the Spurs. It was pretty much what I expected from Jim O'Brien's "Mike D'Antoni-lite" offensive system versus Gregg Popovich's boa constrictor defense. The Pacers, who are currently fifth in the league in scoring at 104.2 PPG, netted 81 against the Spurs on 37 percent shooting. I'd say they are who we thought they were, but the truth is, I have no idea who they are anymore. Memo to Pacers: Who are you??

Still, the Pacers have to feel kind of bad, considering this is the same San Antonio squad that got routed by the Sixers and then barely finished of the Bulls and Bobcats. But the Spurs blasted the Pacers so badly that none of their big guns logged more than 26 minutes. Said Manu Ginobili: "We're not used to games like this. I don't know how many times it's happened this year. But we are very glad that we did have one." Translation: Thanks for sucking so badly against us, our fine Hoosier friends!

Danny Granger, quote machine: "Once the lead got close to 30, it was hard to make a comeback." Sad trombone!

The Chicago Bulls: [Shameless Plug Alert!!] You can read more about their failure at By The Horns, but the gist of it is that they blew a winnable game by turning the ball over 18 times, essentially gifting the Hawks with 22 free points...kinda like those bonus levels in Super Mario Brothers that are full of cold coins and no enemies. Of course, it doesn't help that they have no go-to guy, Derrick Rose can't get a call and Vinny Del Negro can't coach. Oh, and let's not forget...

Tyrus Thomas: His Jekyll and Hyde season continued last night, as T-Time followed up his strong game versus the Knicks (19 points, 10 rebounds) with a flatulent stinkbomb against the Hawks (2-for-7, 1 rebound, 5 fouls in 19 minutes). You know how some players get described as having a basketball IQ that's off the charts? Well, that certainly goes for Tyrus...only it's because no existing chart ranks low enough to measure his bball knowledge. He's like a T-Rex: Great big body, itty-bitty brain. Not nearly as scary, tho'.

Larry Hughes, team-first me-first machine: When Big Shot Larry found out that John Paxson is desperately seeking to dump his ginormous salary for anything anybody'll give him, the worlds most unselfish man -- just ask him! -- had plenty to say about it: "That's fine. I'm ready to play, whether it's here or somewhere else. played for some good coaches and on some good teams, and I've always been out there, so this is new for me. I'm just trying to stay positive. I'm still helping the guys out as far as telling them what I see and what I can help them with. I don't know how to react to it. At the same time, I'm not selfish. ... So I just kind of go along and try to support the guys who are playing, knowing my time is probably coming. It was unfair [because] I only wanted to play to help the team. And I wanted to produce because they're paying me a lot of money. I feel like I've let my team down because I'm not able to produce. That's what it all boils down to. I don't want to be looked at as a guy who's just earning a check and not producing. I just expressed that and, I thought, not in a negative way. But people can take it how they want to take it."

The Sacramento Kings: Okay, is anybody surprised they got slaughtered by 19 in Denver? Show of hands? Anybody? Yeah. Didn't think so. Not that I expect any better, but their defense was, well, it made me shudder like somebody had slipped me a ham sandwich filled with spiders. Like, those creepy daddy longleg types. They let the Nuggets shoot 56 percent for the game and make Linas Kleiza (27 points on 11-for-17 shooting) look like the second coming of Carmelo Anthony. Said Kings inmate Bobby Jackson: "Looked like lay-up drills for them. It was lay-up drill central, just like it has been all year." Now that there's a happy player!

Added Kings interim head coach Kenny Natt: "A bad, bad night for us, to say the least. We lost our focus and we gave up a lot of easy baskets, transition points. They got a lot of layups. We didn't defend hard and they took advantage of every opportunity that was there." It might be time to put Bobby and Kenny on NBA suicide watch. You know, along with every member of the Los Angeles Clippers.

Update! An anonymous commenter made the following observation: "Now I know you already mentioned the Kings in your WotN. And I also realize that +/- is not always the most reliable stat, but I still think this requires mentioning. When your +/- for 5 players on your team reads as follows: -22, -6, -23, -25, -22 and those are your starters, i.e. hypothetically your best players, you are an exceptionally bad team." SAD FACE for Sacramento.

Brad Miller: I keep seeing this guy's name surface in trade talk. And last night's line -- 2 points (0-for-4), 3 rebounds and 4 fouls -- just made me think: "WHY, GOD?! WHY?!" Gene Keady does NOT approve, Brad.

Carlos Boozer: Paul Milsap's line: 28 points (12-for-20, 4-for-4 from the line), 15 rebounds (9 of which were offensive), 3 assists, 2 steals and only 1 fouls in almost 42 minutes. I'm just sayin' go ahead and opt out, suckah.

Lacktion report: Chris continues to whisper sweet, sweet lacktivity in our ears:

Hawks-Bulls: So apparently the Hawks have been paying attention the lacktion report, as the suggestion for more playing time for THE Mario West was answered. Thankfully, Mario's performance tonight suggests he pays attention too -- as when given the choice between actually earning more playing time through productivity, or ensuring a place in another insomnia-curing writeup, he decided on maintaining his familiar spot here. Against Chicago, Mr. West nearly took down a 7 trillion, only to turn it into +1 in 7:12 via a foul. That type of on-court snoozing will undoubtedly bolster his case to be the starting guard for the Eastern Conference All-Lacktion squad. [Also, as one anonymous commenter pointed out: "You forgot to mention that Mario had a plus-minus score of -17 in his 7 minutes. Now that's lacktion!" ~Basketbawful]

Kings-Nuggets: Suckramento's Mikki Moore fouled three times and tossed a brick for +4 in an unproductive 8:36. On the other hand, Sonny Weems sadly denied his Nuggets a scoreline of fail, demoralizing lacktion enthusiasts with a steal that marred a near-six minutes of non-scoring (five missed shots, twice from downtown), a rejection, plus a foul.

Kobe Bryant: Mamba slipped a whole package of lunch meat under Luke Walton's covers. He also used his toilet without flushing. And I'm talking number two.

Labels: Brad Miller, Carlos Boozer, Cheryl Miller, Chicago Bulls, Danny Granger, fan submissions, Indiana Pacers, lacktion report, Larry Hughes, Sacramento Kings, Tyrus Thomas, Worst of the Night

Ernie Johnson: Andre Iguodala was a guest analyst on the NBA on TNT last night, and Ernie referred to him as the "44-year-old" Andre Iguodala. Which wouldn't have been that silly of a mistake if Iggy didn't have the kind of babyface that makes you wonder whether he still gets his lunch money stolen by the big kids. The only theory I have to explain Ernie's gaffe is that he was thinking about Dikembe Mutumbo, who's been 44 for, what, the last three seasons? Now we finally have an answer to the age-old question: "Who wants to sex Mutumbo?" Ernie does.

LeBron James' fourth quarter: King James has apparently been crippled by the extreme physical burden of carrying Mike Brown's one-play* offense all season. LeBron was suffering from "unrelenting" back spasms last night that made him "unable to cut, jump and move as usual." The result? A peasant-like fourth quarter stat line (one-point, 0-for-5 shooting) and a 101-98 setback to the "nothing to play for" Chicago Bulls. And that loss, combined with the previous night's foul out, might have been the final death blow for the King's MVP bid.

LeBron actually had a chance to tie the game in the closing seconds, but he was turned back by rookie hair god Joakim Noah. Of course, The Chosen one thought there was some contact. "I went up and got hit on the arm. But that’s not why we lost the game." Superstar-to-English translation: "That's totally why we lost the game."

*That one play is "Watch LeBron. He's so shiny." Rumor has it that Brown and his assistants have been devising a second play, wherein LeBron's teammates pass the ball around like a hot potato before shuffling it to LeBron with three seconds left on the shot clock.

Sasha Pavlovic: Benched! Again! That'll teach him to hold out before the season, get injured, and then suck.

Quicken Loans Arena sound-effect technicians: With a little less than two minutes left in the game, Ben Wallace blew an uncontested dunk. As the ball clanged off the rim and sailed harmlessly away from the basket, "a loud gong inadvertently sounded in the arena, usually a sound effect reserved for one of Big Ben's blocks." Oops.

Larry Hughes, fulfilling expectations one trade too late: He sure had a game against the Cavs, didn't he? The line: 25 points (11-for-17), 8 rebounds, 9 assists, and 2 steals in 45 minutes. Oh, and he scored 19 of those points in the second half to help the Bulls overcome a 17-point deficit and end their six-game road losing streak. The Cleveland fans must have been pissed. (The title of this one was updated on the suggestion of that great challenger of the unknown, Wild Yams.)

Chris Duhon: He was about five seconds shy of a two trillion. But you know what? We're gonna bend our rules and give it to him anyway, in honor of the season he's having.

Update! Benny the Bull: Remember that whole "Benny sniped Kevin Garnett and James Posey from behind with a t-shirt cannon" thing? Well, the Bulls finally got around to explaining what really happened: "The Bulls apologized to the Celtics and explained that one of the members of the IncrediBulls -- a group that entertains during timeouts -- had tripped and his gun shot the shirts into the floor from where they bounced into the Celtics."

Nice story. A big load of, well, bullpoopy, but a good story. And KG, or one, isn't stepping in it. "Wow. That's a story. I just turned around and dude [Benny] had the smoking gun in his hands. I didn't see no lady. I didn't see nobody trip over a gun. You know what I'm saying?"

Chicago coach Jim Boylan gave his own humorous take on the incident: "It was against Posey so, it’s open season against him whenever he steps on the court in Chicago. I was proud of Benny, glad he took matters into his own hands. He orchestrated it behind the scenes." Ha, hah! Good one, coach. Of course, you know what they say. Many a truth is said in jest.

Los Angeles Clippers: They tanked Elton Brand's anti-tanking comeback by holding Chris Kaman, Cuttino Mobley, and Tim Thomas out of the game. And hey, fewer players means more opportunities for Brand which means Elton has more sign-and-trade value over the summer. It's a win-win for everybody involved.

Sacramento King announcers: One of them started to call Francisco Garcia "Spencer" in a post-game interview last night. Speaking of which...

Francisco Garcia: From Odenized. 'Cisco announced he's going to try to dunk on Kobe this Sunday. Oh, man. He should know better than that. Although, in all fairness, the announcers kind of goaded "Spencer" into it.


Reggie Theus, quote machine: Regarding Kevin Martin's growth as a player, Theus said, "He’s starting to adapt to the game now. I'm seeing things from him that I didn't see before. He's scoring easier in our offense now." He wasn't adapting to the game before? Then why did you guys decide to build your franchise around him?

Joel Przybilla's future: Joel's been playing great all season, but especially in the last month or so. But I have a bad feeling that when Greg Oden is ready to play next season, Joel will go from being "Vanilla Godzilla, the fire-breathing rebound monster" to "Ghostface Przybilla, the invisible bench holder-downer."

Tracy McGrady, quote machine: He's so happy these days. After leading the Rockets to a 95-88 win over the Trail Blazers -- he scored 26 of his game-high 35 points in the second half -- T-Mac described the excitement stirred within his heart by this season's Western Conference playoff race. "There's going to be a team that wins 50 games and doesn't make the playoffs. So it's a battle out there. I love it." I can't help but wonder how much love's going to be left after Houston's first-round playoff series, probably against either the Hornets, Lakers, or Spurs.

Mike Harris and Steve Novak: They each played 14 seconds and had a stat line that looked like a string of Cheerios. I'd totally feel sorry for them if I had a sense of compassion.

Labels: Chicago Bulls, Chris Duhon, Ernie Johnson, Kevin Garnett, Larry Hughes, Lebron James, Los Angeles Clippers, NBA mascots, one trillion, Sasha Pavlovic, Tracy McGrady, Worst of the Night

Carlos Arroyo: Where's Jameer Nelson when you really need him? Carlitos was an Albatross on offense (zero points, 0-for-5 shooting, 4 assists, 2 turnovers) and had his lunch eaten by Mo Pete (19 points, 7-for-9 shooting, 6 rebounds).

Dwight Howard: From Odenized: "The announcers bring up a good point. Dwight Howard is a threat to everyone's health: Tony Battie, Jameer Nelson, Brian Cook (broken knuckle yesterday), and now Chris Paul! Is Dwight Howard a player assassin?" Watch the video and decide for yourself. (Hint: The answer is "yes.")


Mike James: Hey you! Yeah, Mr. DNP-CD, you! How's it feel down there at the end of the Hornets' bench? But you'll always be able to relive your glorious 20 PPG season at basketball-reference.com. So you have that going for you.

New Jersey Nets: Uh, somebody needs to tell them that playing defense is part of making the playoffs. Actually, don't bother. It's probably too late, anyway.

DeSagana Diop and Trenton Hassell: Diop -- whom I've been asked to refer to as "Lasagna Slop" -- had a face-rocking line of zero points (0-for-0) and one foul in three and a half action-intolerant minutes. But at least his name isn't "Trenton." Hassell played only 36 seconds and contributed nothing but a turnover. Dallas is only 1550.78 miles from East Rutherford -- according to Mapquest, anyway -- but it's never seemed farther away. For them at least.

The "Detroit Pistons": My first instinct is to say that the Minnesota fans didn't pay to see a starting lineup that included Rodney Stuckey, Jarvis Hayes, and Theo Ratliff. But then again, after what they've been through this season, that group probably looked like the Eastern Conference All-Stars.

Minnesota Timberwolves: They choked up a 21-point second-quarter lead and eventually lost 94-90 to the "Pistons" despite the fact that Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton and Rasheed Wallace didn't even play. Oh, and they let Rodney Stucky play "Fourth Quarter Assassin" by dropping 12 of his career-high 27 points in the final stanza to steal the win.

Craig Smith, quote machine: The T-Wolves forward said: "We’re very disappointed we let this one go. We really beat ourselves by letting them back into the ballgame." No arguments here. Although I think you should have mentioned that your 2-for-10 shooting probably contributed to your team's collapse. But maybe I'm just picking nits. I mean, Ryan Gomes (3-for-10) and Rashad McCants (1-for-9) were just as guilty as you were.

Zach Randolph: I couldn't not mention this: New York's "big man" blocked his 13th shot of the season last night. In 61 games. Holy Christ. You'd think somebody his size would wander into that many blocks by accident. But Isiah wants you to know that Zach wasn't close to being dealt at the trade deadline or anything. As far as anybody knows.

Donnie Walsh: Hey, he doesn't know what the future holds, okay? Wait, what?! He is getting hired by the Knicks after all? Which means he was probably interviewing while still working for the Pacers? No way. I'm shocked. Shocked I tell you. Actually, I kind of am. I thought Walsh had a little more class than that. But then again, Indiana has become a black hole for class the last few years, sucking it into some kind of parallel dimension where it's ritualistically tortured and destroyed. So okay, I'm not shocked anymore.

Larry Hughes: The line: 2 points, 0-for-6 shooting, zero rebounds, zero assists, 1 turnovers, and a "game over" benching with 7:08 left in the third quarter after he blew a layup and clanked an 18-foot jumper on consecutive possessions. Ben Gordan might not be smiling on the outside, but I guarantee you that he's smiling on the inside. (Although, based on Ben's 9-point, 3-for-8 shooting night, he really shouldn't be.)

Update! Benny the Bull: This just in from TrueHoop. The Chicago mascot sniped Kevin Garnett and James Posey from behind with a t-shirt cannon during the closing minutes of the Celtics/Bulls game. According to the Boston Herald report: "Garnett initially had to be restrained by a member of the officiating crew as Benny stood a safe distance away." Huh. What happens when a mascot pees themselves in terror? I guess we'd have to ask Benny that question today. This incident would have been a little more surprising if Benny hadn't gotten into a fight on The Jerry Springer Show earlier this season. Kudos to Posey (even though he sucks) for finding some humor in the situation. "I don’t know. I feel threatened. I don’t feel safe. They really have tough love here, but it was definitely an inside job. They made the mascot do it. I got hit in the back walking away. That spot on my back is sore. I might have to get treatment on it." Of course, I'm only assuming he's kidding.

Doc Rivers: I'm not saying he shouldn't be playing his big guns at all, only that he should try to work a little more leisure time into their schedule. I mean, that's why Danny Ainge signed Sam Cassell (14 minutes) and P.J. Brown (DNP-CD) for, right?

Golden State Warriors: You guys do want to make the playoffs, right? Because last night's banana peel slip against the Spurs makes me think you have a fishing trip planned. That's slightly unfair -- after all, they already have three more wins in a more competitive conference than they finished with last season -- but still. Their offense went wrong (37 percent shooting, only 8 assists to 13 turnovers), they got gangbanged on the glass (54-37), and the Spurs shot their defense full of wholes (55 percent from the field). The sad thing is, you can't exactly say they played badly, because they stuck to their usual game plan...it just didn't work. Let's face it, the Warriors live and die by a certain philosophy (a.k.a., Nellie Ball). And with the way these Western Wars are going, it looks like their headed for the "die" part.

Raja Bell: Let me put on my Hubie Brown mask. "If you're playing for a seven-deep team on the second night of an exhausting back-to-back series with a fast-paced team like the Denver Nuggets, and there's playoff positioning at stake, you cannot afford to get yourself thrown out of the game. It's careless and irresponsible. Your team needs you." Seriously, Raja. WTF?! Just for fun, and in case you haven't seen it, here's The Raja Flop.


Phoenix Suns freethrow shooting: I'm not even going to comment on the home cooking that may or may not have (it did) led to the Nuggets 47-26 advantage in freethrow attempts, but I will mention that the Suns missed 12 of the foul shots they did get. Yes, I'm looking at you, Shaq (2-for-9).

Tracy McGrady: T-Mac great game (32 points, 7 rebounds, 4 assists) ended the same way so many of his other great games have ended: With McGrady gonking a buzzer-beating jumper that would have won the game. (It's probably also worth mentioning that he shot 12-for-31 and had 5 turnovers.)

Reggie Theus, quote machine: After his Kings beat the Rockets and damaged their chances of winning the Western Conference, the Sacramento coach said: "It’s nice that we can play a role in the Western Conference. The guys understand we have a role to play. If our role is to muck it up, that’s what we’ll do. It gives us something to play for and it’s a big win for us down the stretch." Wow. Way to aim high, Reggie.

Update! Damned fools: More breaking news from TrueHoop. Okay, seriously...who gets into a fight at an autograph session? Rashard Lewis fans, apparently. Lewis and his family were taking in a show at the Medieval Times in Kissimmee when a group of teenagers asked for his autograph. One thing led to another and a "mini-riot" broke out. The police were called and they soon restored order. Fortunately for everyone involved, the only casualties were a cell phone and a camera memory card. Nobody got arrested. Lewis said he was only trying to give his fans some love. "I was just trying to be a nice guy." That'll teach him that nice guys finish last in Medieval Times mini-riots.

Labels: Detroit Pistons, Doc Rivers, Donnie Walsh, Dwight Howard, Golden State Warriors, Larry Hughes, Phoenix Suns, Raja Bell, Tracy McGrady, Zach Randolph

The injury bug: Last night, the Orlando Magic lost not one but two starters due to injury. Jameer Nelson got knocked out of the game in the first quarter after getting hit in the jaw by teammate Dwight Howard, and Hedo Turkoglu left during the second quarter because of a sprained right wrist. I'm not saying that losing those guys is the reason Orlando lost to the Spurs, but it sure didn't help. The Magic took Nelson out of the game only as a precaution -- he's had two concussions in two years -- but he could play in the team's next game on Friday. Turkoglu will have an MRI and visit with a hand specialist today to determine the extent of his wrist injury.

Matt Bonner: He was in and out of the Spurs/Magic game in less time than it would take to reheat a slice of pizza in the microwave. His line: Zero-for-everything in 39 seconds of PT.

Jermaine O'Neal: Remember this guy? Yeah, he's still a Pacer, although I wouldn't fault you for forgetting that fact. The Drain has missed 31 straight games with a left knee injury, but he has been practicing -- we're talking about practice, man! -- and said he expects to be back soon. To which I say: Why?! My theory: To increase his off-season trade value. Indiana coach Jim O’Brien says Jermaine can return to active duty once his cardiovascular conditioning is good enough to play.

Los Angeles Clippers: Tank-a-palooza 2008 continued for the fake-injury-riddled Clips, who made the Dirk Nowitzki-less Mavericks look like champions-in-waiting even without their reigning MVP. Josh Howard threw in 32 points, Erick Dampier became a real center -- for one night, anyway -- by scoring 19 points and gobbling up 17 boards, and Jerry Stackhouse put up 20 without even choking anybody. There's no better way to reheat your magic sauce than to play the Clippers.

Update! Dirk Nowitzki, play-by-play announcer: From the always-funny Odenized. It's almost six minutes long, but watch the whole thing. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.


Jason Kidd: While his teammates were lighting the house on fire against the hapless Clippers, Kidd maintained the sloppy, lackluster play that'll probably help Avery Johnson get fired after the season: 10 points on 2-for-7 shooting, 8 assists, and 7 turnovers. But he did have a +/- score of +15, so I guess he actually played really well. Thank the gods for advanced stats!

Juwan Howard: The wily veteran is still alive and capable of putting up big numbers. Last night, he put up three trillion of them.

Atlanta Hawks: You guys do want to make the playoffs, right? Then why did you lose to the Dysfunction-A-Bulls?

Mario West: The good news: Super Mario got into the game for a whole minute and 16 seconds. The bad news: He scored a one trillion.

Larry Hughes: Ew! What the hell did I just step in?! Oh, it's Larry Hughes' jumper! Is that...is that corn? [shudder] Anyway, Larry's shot has returned to its typically ugly form. Last night he scored 9 points on 3-for-10 shooting. He's 9-for-33 (27 percent) over his last three games.

Andres Nocioni: The ragin' Argentinian went on a towel-slamming, expletive-slinging rampage when he got benched on Saturday, but there's a reason he was riding the pine: He sucks. Right now, anyway. Last night, Chapu grabbed 4 rebounds and committed 3 fouls in 13 scoreless minutes.

Drew Gooden's huge, throbbing ego: Drew Gooden played like a man last night, scoring 31 points and grabbing 16 rebounds. It was Gooden's ninth double-double in the 16 games since he was traded to the Bulls. The million-dollar question, though, is can he keep this up? Said Gooden: ''Yes, I can. And I will continue to work to get better at it. This is something that's not new to me, but I've got to brush off some of the old tools and put them back into use. Because I have had a couple years [playing with LeBron James] where I was the guy that goes out, works hard and grabs rebounds and becomes a defender with offensive capabilities." In case you need a Gooden-to-English translation, that means playing with LeBron was holding him back, and not that it's easier to put up big numbers when you're on a lousy, lottery-bound team. But Gooden's mouth wasn't finished. Not by a long shot. "I possess the tools. I don't want to sound cocky, but I think I possess everything. I feel like I can pass, block shots, play great defense, play help defense, shoot threes." No, not done yet. There was more. ''I believe that I can do it all. And confidence is the number one factor when it comes to offense. I can score in the post; I can score with my back to the basket, face up.'' You go, Drew. I look forward to watching you win the MVP next season. Look out, NBA!

(Still...as well as Gooden has been performing lately, it does sort of make you wonder: Was playing with LeBron holding him back? John Hollinger didn't seem to think so, but Gooden's PER has skyrocketed from 12.6 to 18.9 since joining the Bulls. According to Hollinger's own reference guide, that change has moved Gooden from somewhere between the "scrounging for minutes" and "in the rotation" range to between "solid second option" and "borderline All-Star." Food for thought.)

C.J. Miles: Yet another one trillion award winner. Congrats, C.J.!

Washington Wizards: The Wiz followed up their ultra-impressive win over the Pistons by laying a huge, rotten egg against the Trail Blazers. Washington lost by 20 after scoring only 82 points on 35 percent shooting. The co-Grand Marshals of the Brick Parade were Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison, who combined to shoot 9-for-33 from the field and 2-for-11 from three-point range.

Stingy statisticians: Basketbawful reader Sun Devil brought this to my attention: Joel Przybilla -- the newly dubbed Vanilla Godzilla -- was credited with 25 rebounds in Portland's not-so-pretty 83-72 win over the Los Angeles Clippers last Saturday. For VG, it was a career-high. But wait! The NBA ruled that Przybilla's career-high was even career-highier: He was shorted one offensive rebound during the fourth quarter of that game, which means he actually grabbed 26 rebounds instead of "only" 25. This moves our Vanilla Godzilla into a tie -- along with with Bill Walton and LeRoy Ellis -- for the most rebounds in a regulation game in Trail Blazer history. Note: Przybilla grabbed 17 rebounds against the Wizards last night. Man, he's treating the backboards like the real Godzilla treated Tokyo...he's destroying them. Roar!!

Derrick Coleman: Coleman -- whose NBA career was limited and cut short due to laziness, character issues, a giant fat ass, and, of course, injury problems -- got injured again, only this time it happened while filming an episode of the TV show Pros vs. Joes. DC was participating in a rebounding challenge against some "average joe" when he came down from a jump and landed awkwardly, hurting his always-troublesome knee. This means that Coleman has the dubious distinction of being the first Pro to ever get injured during battle with a Joe. [Hat tip: TrueHoop.]

Charley Rosen: Hopefully this is the last follow-up entry to Face-Guard-Gate. Rosen finally admitted that NBA rules don't prohibit face-guarding. However, he also said, "Even though this is true, my point remains valid, i.e., that refs used to call face-guarding fouls and no longer do so." Actually, his original point -- which was "...it must be noted that Battier face-guarded Bryant on virtually every jumper. The last time I looked at the rule book, face-guarding was illegal." -- was without question not valid in any way, shape, or form. But I guess Rosen, who's just a wee bit on the arrogant side, can only concede so much at one time without his head exploding. But then, that's pretty much what I've come to expect from a man who once said, "A note to long-suffering Cavaliers' fans: Don't get caught in the LeBron James pipe dream. The best King James can ever be is an average NBA player." Good call, Charley.

(And a final note: I would really like to see some video evidence of those routine face-guarding "toots" that Rosen says referees used to make. His claims just don't jibe with the 20 years of NBA action I've watched. Take that classic Blazers/Celtics double-overtime thriller on March 15, 1992. Buck Williams face-guarded Larry Bird the entire game -- Buck even told Mike Fratello in an interview that his defensive strategy against Bird was to "get a hand in Larry's face" -- yet he wasn't once whistled for it. If anybody was ever going to have a face-guarding call go their way, it was Larry Legend playing at the Boston Garden. Hey, I'm sure face-guarding has resulted in many fouls over the years, but typically only when the defender made or seemed to make contact with the offensive player, not because the officials were trying to stomp out the face-guarding menace.)

Brandon Marshall: The Denver Broncos' wide receiver could miss up to four months of offseason training after mutilating his right forearm in a bizarre at-home accident. According to the Associated Press: "Marshall has acknowledged [the accident] was the result of horseplay with family members and a misplaced fast-food bag. He said he slipped on the bag Saturday while wrestling with family members at a Florida resort and put his right arm through a home entertainment center." According to Steve Antonopulos, the Broncos head athletic trainer, Marshall "sustained right forearm lacerations to one artery, one vein, one nerve, two tendons and three muscles. All have been repaired, and his right forearm and elbow will be immobilized for six weeks. Rehabilitation will begin in six weeks. Full recovery is expected to take three to four months." This incident definitely qualifies for the Brian Griese Memorial Bonehead Injury Award, thus named because Griese once tripped on a steep driveway at a friend's house and was knocked unconscious, then later sprained his ankle when he was run over by his dog. (Said Griese: "I was walking down the stairs and my dog came barreling down the stairs after me and clipped me, and I kind of twisted my ankle on the stairs.")

J. Jonah Jameson says: Help end the menace of Spider-man by reading my guest NBA Closer column at Deadspin.

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Drew Gooden, injuries, Jason Kidd, Jermaine O'Neal, Larry Hughes, Los Angeles Clippers, Washington Wizards

Yao Ming: Shaquie Chan shot just 3-for-17 against the imposing defense of...Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Which means a traffic cone probably could have held him to 2-for-17 shooting.

Tracy McGrady: Wasn't he supposed to be resting over the All-Star break? That 6-for-21 shooting line suggests that T-Mac must have spent the weekend at Camp CHEN-A-WANDA.

Larry Hughes: He's baaaaaack...by which I mean 33 percent shooting (5-for-15).

LeBron James: Bron Bron had a triple double (26 points, 13 rebounds, 11 assists), but his 0-for-7 first half shooting put the Cavs in a pretty big hole. And they didn't recover.

The New York Knicks: Zach Randolph threw a cup of water at Nate Robinson. Nate then threw a towel at Zach. In other words, it was just another night at the office for Team Dysfunction. Rather than disciplining his players, coach Isiah Thomas praised their "feistiness" and "nastiness," which is kind of like praising your crazy ex-girlfriend's "passion" after she burns down your apartment building. Amazingly, the Knicks transformed their malaise into a 113-100 overtime win, proving that, at least once in a while, insanity works.


The Washington Wizards: You know that Knicks victory I was just talking about? It was gift-wrapped and delivered with a card signed "The Wizards." Too bad coach Eddie Jordan wasn't in a giving mood. "It's just unacceptable, our approach to the game. We just didn't play hard enough. We didn't play with a lot of purpose, and maybe we thought they were just going to give us the game, and it was just the opposite. There was just no enthusiasm." There also was no Caron Butler or Gilbert Arenas. That might have had a little something to do with it.

Eddy Curry: [Spoiler Alert!!] Remember how at the end of The Sixth Sense we finally found out that Bruce Willis had been a ghost the whole time? I think the same thing is going to happen with Eddy Curry at the end of this season. Curry started the game, but played only 15 minutes and scored 4 points (1-for-4). I guess he just wasn't feisty or nasty enough for his coach. Time to start throwing things, Eddy.

The Detroit Pistons: It was a rough night in the Motor City. Detroit's starters combined to shoot 19-for-49, and the Pistons got blown out at home by the Magic. Now, I ask you, is that any way to reward Bon Jovi for coming out to the game?

Dwight Howard: Superman must have left his cape in New Orleans. Howard scored ony 8 points 2-for-9) and committed 6 turnovers. He was a monster on defense, though.

The Philadelphia 76ers: Getting blown out by the Minnesota Timberwolves definitely qualifies for Worst of the Night status.

Antoine Walker: The former NBA champion - okay, I just threw up in my mouth a little - played 8 minutes and scored zero points on 0-for-3 shooting.

Gerald Green: Some Minnesota fans - most of whom will probably never have sex with a woman without the use of a major credict card - saluted Green's now famous cupcake dunk. Too bad Green never got off the bench. For all you stat geeks out there, that means he played 8 fewer minutes than Antoine Walker.

Tim Duncan: Timmah! must must have had something in his eye last night - like a water buffalo - because he couldn't have wished the ball into the basket (2-for-12). Fortunately for Tim and the Spurs, they were playing the Bobcats.

Gerald Wallace: Mr. Wallace showed everybody why he was left off the All-Star Team by scoring 4 points on 0-for-9 shooting. Those are Brad Lohaus numbers.

The Golden State Defense: The Jazz dropped 77 points on the Warriors during the first two quarters, and that total was a mere six points off of Utah's franchise record for a half. The Jazzercizers shot 68 in that first half - and 53 percent for the game - on their way to putting up 119 points. Said Baron Davis: "Our motto is keep the score tight and keep the game as close as possible and under double-digits going into the fourth quarter. We weren't able to do that tonight." Uh, yeah. I think it's time for a new team motto, Baron.

Jarron Collins: You can call him Mr. Two Trillion.

Kwame Brown: His stat line: 1 DNP-CD. And to think they only had to give up Pau Gasol to get him...what a bargain!

Kevin Durant: Hm. He came back from N'awlins with flu-like symptoms. Okay, suuuuuure.

The Boston defense: Their defense - which normally holds opponents to 90 PPG on 42 percent shooting - is the number one reason they have a league-best 41-10 record. But why live off your bread and butter when you can get into a shootout with a high-scoring team on the road? Oh, right, because that would be totally stupid. Still, that's exactly what the Celtics did, giving up 51 percent shooting to a team with Allen Iverson on it and losing 124-118. Said coach Doc Rivers: "We didn't want to get into an offensive shootout." Oh, right. And I guess the coach has nothing whatsoever to do with that.

Bennie Adams: Just what the NBA needs - another rogue official. Adams called Carmelo Anthony for goaltending when he jumped up to grab a three-point airball by Ray Allen. That ridiculous call cut the Denver lead to 121-118 with 13 seconds remaining. As you can probably imagine, Nuggets coach George Karl was a wee bit upset about the call. "Wow. He (Adams) likes making big calls and bad calls at the end of the game. How can you call goaltending when the ball is halfway below the rim?" Not that Karl had much room to talk. His team was gifted with a season-high 49 freethrow attempts, 21 more than the Celtics got.

Kevin Garnett: KG was juiced up after his nine-game vacation. "It was good to get back. It felt good. I felt like I was 27. I felt young." Of course, he didn't play as well as he claimed to have felt: 4 points (2-for-7), 8 rebounds, and 4 turnovers. When asked to appraise Garnett's performance, coach Doc Rivers said, "Not very good." But he felt young, Doc!

John Salmons: Even with Mike Bibby in Atlanta, Salmons remains the forgotten man in Sacramento: Zero points (0-for-3) in 18 minutes of "lacktion." [Hat tip to Tonewise]

Mike Bibby: He joined up with his new team to a resounding poop noise, scoring 5 points (1-for-5), grabbing zero rebounds, dishing 3 assists, and committing a couple turnovers in 16 minutes. Derek Fisher shut his ass down, man!

Update - Atlanta Hawks: Basketbawful reader Wild Yams made a good point in the comments section: "How can the Hawks as a team not be up for yesterday's worst? In the first half yesterday (some of which was officially not 'garbage time'), the Hawks went through a stretch from the six minute mark of the 1st quarter till just before the half where they were outscored 56-16 by the Lakers, culminating in a 41 point lead at one point. That's a 41 point lead in the first half! Before the Hawks hit three 3-pt shots in the last minute of the half, the lead was 69-28, and at the half the Hawks had at least 19 turnovers. If that isn't awful, I don't know what is." Mr. Yams, you are absolutely right.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Detroit Pistons, Eddy Curry, Golden State Warriors, Kevin Garnett, Larry Hughes, Lebron James, Philadelphia 76ers, Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady, Washington Wizards, Yao Ming

Kirk Hinrich says: "Matt Damon!"
Washington Wizards defense: After his team held the Dallas Mavericks to 41 percent shooting, Wizards coach Eddie Jordan said, "We are being nastier and grittier defensively." Well, the Wizards' defense certainly was nasty last night, but not in the way Jordan meant it. They "held" the Cavaliers to 121 points on 56 percent shooting while getting ravaged on the boards 53-29. The Washington D was at it's utter worst during the third quarter, when Cleveland shot 70 percent and outscored the Wizards 43-17. The Associated Press article actually says that the Wiz "stood around like department store mannequins on defense." Wow. It's pretty rare for the Associated Press to editorialize that way. But it's also true. At one point, Larry Hughes just strolled in and dunked while not one, not two, not three, but four Wizards just stood there and watched. Speaking of Hughes...

Larry Hughes: On a night when the rest of his team had it going on, Hughes had one of his typical 2-for-8 shooting nights. And, as noted, one of his two field goals was an uncontested dunk. I can tell you one thing: 33 percent shooting is not what the Cavaliers had in mind when they decided to pay him $12 million a year. Good thing Danny Ferry locked him up through 2009-10!!

Washington Wizard offense: I should probably note that the Wizards offense was pretty bad, too. They scored 85 points on 39 percent shooting, giving fans a bitter taste of what it was like to watch the New York Knicks in the mid-90s. The Washington O was so bad that Yahoo lists Darius Songaila as the team's top performer...with 8 points on 3-for-8 shooting.

Gordan Giricek: His line against the Pistons: 4 minutes, 0-for-2 shooting, 1 assist, 2 personal fouls, and a +/- score of -8. I bet Giricek never thought he'd miss Salt Lake City this badly.

Eddie Jones: The empty husk of Eddie Jones shot 1-for-6 against the Bobcats. In its previous two games, it shot 1-for-3 against the Wizards and 1-for-4 against the Sonics. So the thing might be creepy, but it's still good for at least one field goal a game, and that's something. I guess.

Jose Juan Barea: The Mavs back-up to the back-up point guard scored a two trillion. According to Barea's official Web site, "Barea is regarded by many Northeastern followers as the most exciting player ever to wear a Husky uniform." He also enjoys going to the beach and watching television. Now when you speak of me, never let it be said that I don't provide information to enrich your life.

Boston Celtics defense: The Green are ranked first in the league in both points allowed (88.1) and field goal percentage defense (41.9). For this reason, one can only assume that the C's simply chose not to play defense last night, since the Raptors scored 114 points on 58 percent from the field and 71 percent from three-point land. Five traffic cones could have forced more misses than that. Doc Rivers needs to order up some Inflatable Defenders, pronto.

Boston Celtics clutchability: They have Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen. For those of you who enjoy counting, that's three superstars. So why are they having trouble closing out games? They suffered a come-from-ahead loss to the Raptors last night after getting outscored 30-21 in the fourth. In their last loss, to the Wizards, they were outscored 29-20 in the fourth and lost by 5. In their next to last loss, also to the Wizards, they were outscored 25-13 in the final stanza and lost by 7. In their December loss to Detroit, they got outscored 26-20 in the fourth and lost by 2. Mind you, I know they've only lost seven games, and they're still a very strong team. But they've surrendered fourth quarter leads in all but one of those seven losses. Shouldn't a team with that much star power be able to, you know, finish? And why oh why did they go to Eddie House with seconds remaining and the game on the line? Speaking of House...

Eddie House: When they write the book on Eddie House, it will be one sentence long, and that sentence will be: "He's not afraid to shoot, even when he's shooting badly." Like last night, when he was 2-for-9. It's like terrorists have kidnapped his wife and plan to kill her if he doesn't shoot the ball every time he touches it.

Chris Bosh's buttery fingers: If the Raptors hadn't pulled out that win over the Celtics, Bosh and his 7 turnovers would have been a big reason why.

Pat Garrity: Ring up a two trillion for the Magic's 12th man.

Darko Milicic: Just 1 rebound in 23 minutes for a 7-foot, 275-pound starting center? That's very not good. Even for Darko.

Phoenix Suns: At 7-34, the Minnesota Timberwolves are clearly the worst team in the NBA. Yet two of those 7 wins have come at the expense of the best team (record-wise) in the Western Conference. Oh, wait, thanks to this loss, the Suns gave up the conference lead to the New Orleans Hornets. My bad. The Suns shot lights out (56 percent) but got absolutely obliterated on the boards 48-26. And 22 of the Wolves rebounds were on the offensive end. Marco Jaric had more rebounds (8) than anybody on the Suns. Marco Jaric! The thing is, their win over the Lakers last week proved that the Suns can play defense when properly motivated to do so. I just have no idea what motivates them these days. And neither does Mike D'Antoni, apparently.

Amare Stoudemire: As the Suns starting center, it's Stoudemire's job to protect the paint and clean the glass. But not only were his 6 rebounds two fewer than Marco Jaric had, Stoudemire's man, Al Jefferson went off for a career-high 39 points and had 15 boards, 8 of which were offensive. That's right. Jefferson's offensive rebounding count was higher than Stoudemire's rebounding total. It's called "blocking out," Amare. Try it some time.

Mike Dunleavy Jr.: Boy, just when you think it's finally safe to annoint him a legitimate NBA player, he lets loose with a 2-for-12, 4-turnover stinkbomb against a lousy team. The Pacers may need to rethink their reliance on Dunleavy. Oh, wait. Even after a game like that, he's still the team's best player. Uh oh.

Mario West: One game after his 18-second, 1-foul performance against the Trailblazers, he put in a 5-second, 0-for-everything game against the Nuggets. Mind you, two games ago against the Raptors, not-so-Super Mario put in only 14 seconds. At this rate, why is Mike Woodson bothering to play him at all? What could he possibly expect Williams to do in less than 20 seconds on the floor?

Gregg Popovich interviews: He may be a great coach, but he gives a lousy interview. Right before the start of the fourth quarter, the ESPN sideline reporter asked Popovich why Manu Ginobili was able to give the Spurs a third-quarter spark. Without altering his expression in any way or moving even a single facial muscle, Pop said: "Because he's Manu Ginobili." Then he shambled off like a zombie looking for fresh brains.

The Return of Mr. Bryant: Kobe's performance on Monday night against the Nuggets threatened to undo everything I've ever said about him. After that game, I actually referred to him as "Magic Bryant" to my buddy Craig over at The Association. I had to take a long, hard look in the mirror and admit that maybe, just maybe, Kobe had finally matured into greatness. But Gott in Himmel, he has not. And it's not that Mamba shot 12-for-27, or the fact that he took 13 more shots than any other Laker, or that he had only 1 assist in the second half, or even his NBA season-high 9 turnovers. It was his complete reversion to form. After a stellar first half that seemed like a natural extension of the Denver game, Kobe started to force the action against stiff defense and stopped passing to his teammates. Gregg Popovich seemed to manipulate events by leaving Ime Udoka on Bryant for most of the fourth quarter. It's like Pop knew that Bryant's titanic ego would compel him to try to score against Udoka every time. Well, planned or not, the strategy worked to perfection.

Steve Novak: I didn't see the game, but I would love to know why Rick Adelman put Novak in for 3 seconds. Was his mom in the crowd?

Sacramento Kings: The Sacramento revivial got run through the wood chipper last night. The Kings "best players" were all back in the starting lineup last night, and the result was a 26-point drubbing. By the Clippers (13-25).

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, Boston Celtics, Chris Bosh, Darko, Eddie Jones, Gregg Popovich, Kobe Bryant, Larry Hughes, Mike Dunleavy Jr., Phoenix Suns, Sacramento Kings, Washington Wizards