Kevin Garnett Photobomb!
Speaking of Kevin Garnett, AnacondaHL shared an amazing Garnett quote earlier today:

"Shaq is paradise," said Garnett. "You ever wash your sheets and then set them out to dry in the sun? You ever smell those sheets when they're done? That's what Shaq is."

I... don't even know what to say. And since I'm still recovering from a turkey-induced food coma, let's just move on.

Worst of the Past Couple Nights in Pictures:

"HEY! Did I just see you playing defense?!? If I catch you doing that one more time, your ass is benched!!"

How about no...

Didn't you just lose like three straight games? Why are you celebrating?

Erik Spolestra just saw The Basketball Jones' video and realized it was like looking into the future

Hey, uh, LeBron, I think you got a little something in your teeth there... Wait, you mean you got a mouthpiece like that on purpose??

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Rockets at Bobcraps, ESPN2, 7pm: What's going on? TNT gives us two just horrible Thanksgiving night games, and ESPN (well, ESPN2 actually) has to try to match them?

Warriors at Grizzlies, ESPN2, 9:30pm: Okay, now they're just messing with us.

All The Other Friday Games:
Cavaliers at Magic, 7pm: It's kind of funny now to think about how this used to be a real rivalry, isn't it?

Craptors at Celtics, 7:30pm: Instead of watching these dinosaurs and their unbelievable four game winning streak, you should instead prepare yourself to watch Triassic Attack Saturday night on the SyFy channel. Go and read this article for more information (come on, do it. It quotes Frank Coniff, AKA "TV's Frank" from Mystery Science Theater 3000!). The basic premise of the movie:

The movie is about the fossilized remains of dinosaurs that are brought back to life by a Native American spell and urged to wreak havoc on a small town. The ravenous, animated skeletons start eating as many people as they can.

However, because the resurrected dinosaurs are only bones, they have no digestive organs. So their human meals just drop to the ground after mastication.

Tell me that isn't 65 million times more awesome than a Craptors game.

Bucks at Pistons, 7:30pm: The now largely-unfeared deer from Wisconsin are sitting at a 5-9 record despite a solid defense because, as I've noted before, you still have to score more points than the other guy. Luckily for them, Detroit is also a five win team with a much less effective defense.

76ers at Heat, 7:30pm: And sadly the run of epic Heat failures comes to an end.

Thunder at Pacers, 8pm: The Thunder are 5-1 this year on the road, but going back a ways, they have lost 3 straight games in Indianapolis. I'm trying to figure this one out, but I'm just plain not smart enough to comprehend that. It's just the Pacers, guys. Get it together.

Mavericks at Spurs, 8:30pm: Interesting game. The Mavs are winning games, but not in a good way. Quoting Marc Stein on The BS Report: "The problem is if [Nowitzki] has to keep carrying the load he's carrying right now, we won't see him in April. He's playing spectacular, but this team is -- hard to watch right now is putting it kindly. They're winning games with [defense]... If Jason Terry has an off-night, they're huge trouble because half the time they're playing 2-on-5 offensively." The Spurs may have barely beaten the Timberpups in a goofy trap game, but they could really bring it to the Mavs here.

Bulls at Nuggets, 9pm: The Bulls need to win either this game or Saturday night at Suckramento to lock up their first winning record for the Circus Trip since Jordan was dunking all over people for them. Unfortunately, Derrick Rose and Taj Gibson are both gametime decisions tonight. Gibson's ankle is still a little sore, and Rose is fighting discomfort in his neck.

Clippers at Suns, 9pm: Now that the Clippers have gotten their one win for the week out of the way, they can go back to their usual godawful routine of failure.

Lakers at Jazz, 9:30pm: Sobering stat of the day: "The Utah Jazz have lost all three home games against teams that made the playoffs last season." And if you'll remember, the Lakers beat the holy hell out of the Jazz in the playoffs last year, and are on the warpath this year and intent on destroying everything in their sight. Sorry, Utah fans. Not looking good for tonight.

Hornets at Frail Blazers, 10pm: The Blazers were looking forward to getting Joel Przybilla back on the court (as were the rest of us here at Basketbawful), but it may not happen tonight. After recovering for nearly a full year from a ruptured patella, he finally gets ready to hit the court... and has to go to the hospital fighting a stomch virus. It's almost like somebody on the inside is sabotaging the Blazers at this point. (For the record, The Vanilla Gorilla is still a gametime decision, and will play limited minutes if he does get in the game)

* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Magic at Wizards Generals, NBA TV, 7pm: "Magic" and "wizards" battle it out in the matchup of geektacular team names!

All The Other Saturday Games:
Hawks at Knicks, 1pm: I have nothing worth sharing related to this game, so I'll just share this: President Obama needed 12 stitches after getting hit in the mouth during a friendly game of hoops on Thanksgiving. At least it's better than what happened to Tiger Woods the last time we had a celebrity of sorts get injured over the Thanksgiving long weekend.

Grizzlies at Cavaliers, 7:30pm: Fair to say almost nobody will be at this game, right? The Cleveland fans have to save up their dollars for the King James return game.

Nyets at 76ers, 7:30pm: Adrian Wojnarowski tweeted: "Terrence Williams had a lot of red flags for teams coming out of Louisville and chronic tardiness with Nets earns him demotion to D-League." As someone from Louisville who watched T-Will in college far too much... yes, he is D-League material.

Warriors at Timberwolves, 8pm: Are you ready for Darko to put up a 30/15/5 game? It's within the realm of possibility here, folks. Somebody please hold me. I'm scared.

Heat at Mavericks, 8:30pm: There will be a combination of five effective offensive players on the floor at once here. Too bad it's spread over two teams.

Bobcraps at Bucks, 9pm: The appeal of watching this game is like watching The Postman to see Tom Petty's cameo as himself in a post-apocalyptic Kevin Costner world. Terrible enough to be briefly amusing, but absolutely not worth it, and you feel like a worse person for seeing it. (However, it is worth it to check out the Youtube comments for the joke someone makes about living "like a refugee")

Bulls at Kings, 10pm: This reeks of trap game. Chicago looking forward to ending their road trip, Rose is a little banged up, Suckramento should in theory be an easy opponent...

* * *

All The Sunday Games:
Hawks at Craptors, 1pm: As bad as the Hawks have struggled at times this season, at least they can take comfort in knowing they haven't lost twice in a week to the Craptors like the 76ers recently did. So that's nice.

Knicks at Pistons, 1:30pm: Including this game, the Knicks upcoming schedule: at Pistons, Nyets, at Hornets, at Craptors, T-Wolves, Craptors, at Generals. Seriously, I am willing to accept that the Knicks might reel off several wins in a few weeks here.

Spurs at Hornets, 3pm: Good game.

Jazz at Clippers, 3:30pm: Not so good of a game.

Thunder at Rockets, 7pm: At what point does Daryl Morey start drinking heavily?

Frail Blazers at Nyets, 7pm: Just thinking here... aren't we overdue for The Prokhorov to do something ridiculous and entertaining? I feel kinda let down.

Suns at Nuggets, 8pm: Newsflash: Amar''''e is a terrible defender. (I know, mindblowing news, right?) Well, here is some insight into that -- Amar'''e says nobody ever taught him how to play defense! Because of course it's impossible for him to seek other sources of knowledge...

Pacers at Lakers, 9:30pm: While the Lakers certainly will just steamroll over the Pacers in this game, they still won't be too upset if they do manage to somehow lose. They're the only team in the entire Pacific division that is above .500 as of Friday. Not that this is surprising since they play in the same conference as the Warriors, Kings, and Clippers, but still.

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, Bawful After Dark, Kevin Garnett, Shaq

And this was one of the Bulls' better moments last night.
The Chicago Bulls Defense: This ball-buster can be summed up by one simple stat:

16-for-24.

That's what the Bricks, er, Knicks shot from three-point range last night. For those of you who enjoy simple math, that's a 66 percent rate of accuracy.

Can you say "outlier"? No, really. Let's compare that to how well New York shot threes in their first three games: 7-for-24 (29 percent), 9-for-27 (33 percent) and 7-for-28 (25 percent). As a whole, that's 23-for-79 (29 percent).

So...yeah. Still, you'd think that, at some point, the Bulls would have come at them with some aggressive hand-to-the-face action, right?

Wrong.

Then there was the whole Danilo Gallinari situation. Check out the kid’s game log. Going into last night's game, he had scored a total of 18 points on the season while going 5-for-25 (20 percent) from the field and 2-for-11 (18 percent) from downtown. Against the Bulls, Gallinari scored 24 points -- 21 in the first half -- on 7-for-11 (63 percent) shooting, including 4-for-4 (100 f**king percent) from beyond the arc.

It doesn't stop there. It's just getting started.

In all fairness, Toney Douglas had been playing better than Gallinari. He'd scored a total of 32 points in New York's first three games while going 14-for-28 (50 percent) from the field...although only 3-for-12 (25 percent) from three-point range. Last night, Douglas wet 9-for-14 (64 percent) from the field and 5-for-9 (55 percent) on threes. He finished with a career-high 30 points.

Said Douglas: "I make sure that every time I shoot it that I have confidence that it’s going in. I can miss 10 in a row. I’m going to shoot the next one and make it."

Allen Iverson would be proud. But I can guarantee Tom Thibodeau isn't.

The crazy thing is, it's not like the Bulls weren't playing any D. They held New York to 42 percent shooting (24-for-56) inside the arc (thanks largely to Amar''''''e Stoudemire -- see below). Yes, they were slow to rotate on several three-point attempts. And some rotations were missed entirely. But several of those threes were contested. The Knicks were just unconscious. Raymond Felton -- a 32 percent career three-point shooter -- went 4-for-6. Bill Walker and Landry Fields each went 1-for-1.

It was demoralizing. Especially at the end of the first half, when everybody in a Bulls uniform looked shell-shocked. What can you do when your opponent is shooting beyond lights out? Every Chicago run was answered by another three-pointer or two or three or...they just kept coming. Next thing you know, the Bulls were leaving their feet, reaching in, and hacking their way to giving up 29 free throw attempts.

The Knicks were even on fire from the line, going 24-for-29 (82 percent) after shooting 18-for-27 (66 percent) and 14-for-25 (59 percent) in their previous two games.

The Bulls further hurt their cause with careless passing, giving up 26 points off 20 turnovers. The starters combined for 14 of those turnovers. Don't get me wrong. The extra passing was leading to offense -- Chicago had 27 assists on their 42 buckets -- but you don't want it leading to offense for the other team too.

Well, that's what happened last night. Especially during the final minutes of the second quarter. With the Knicks leading by 20-ish and closing in on a 70-point first half, the Bulls looked sluggish and confused, leading to one of the worst four-possession sequences I've ever seen: Possession 1: Noah was called for a three-second violation. Possession 2: Gibson traveled. Possession 3: Deng had the ball stolen by Gallinari. Possession 4: Deng committed an offensive foul.

The saddest part of the whole mess is that Thibs had to bench Deng, Noah and Rose to fire up his team. And Chicago's reserves very nearly made a game of it. A three-pointer by Korver cut New York's lead to 95-87 with 11:21 to go in the fourth. Of course, Douglas nailed a trey on the Knicks' next possession.

That's just the kind of night it was for the Bulls.

The New York Knicks defense: Let me be clear about this: The Knicks beat the Bulls because they drilled nearly 70 percent of their three-point attempts. They didn't win because of their defense.

The Bulls actually had a great offensive night themselves, shooting 52 percent from the field and nearly 50 on threes (9-for-19). Derrick Rose was great (24 points, 14 assists), Kyle Korver was on fire (18 points, 7-for-10), Taj Gibson was hitting on all cylinders (18 points, 10 rebounds) and Joakim Noah was Joakim Noah (12 points, 13 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals, 2 blocks).

Sure, the Knicks had 12 steals, but a lot of those were the results of really sloppy passes by the Bulls.

Amar''''''e Stoudemire: Before the game, the TNT crew (Ernie, Kenny and Charles) were discussing STAT's season-to-date. I don't remember the exact quotes, but I believe Ernie asked whether Stoudemire misses Steve Nash on offense, and Kenny replied that Nash was missing Amar''''''e more.

Really?

Sure, Stoudemire came into the game averaging over 20 PPG. But he was also shooting 45 percent...down from almost 56 percent last season and 54+ percent for his career. Against the Bulls -- and on a night when seemingly every other Knicks player had it going -- STAT went 5-for-21 (23 percent). All that three-point shooting should have opened up the inside for Amar''''''e to g to work, right?

In theory. And if Stoudemire had actual inside moves and stuff. His entire post-up menu seems to be composed of 1) beat defender off the dribble or layup or dunk, and 2) fumble around the paint until I can force up an awkward jumper/scoop/chuck/etc.

But hey, at least he had 8 turnovers and 6 personal fouls.

Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith, quote machine: While discussing Amar''''''e:

Chuck: "What do you call a power forward averaging 7 rebounds a game?"

Kenny: "A small forward."

C.J. Watson: 1-for-7 and rapidly losing confidence in his jumper. As well he sould be.

Derrick Rose's respect for human life: Out of the Bulls many lowlights against the Knicks comes this one highlight: D-Rose trying to destroy anyone within a five-foot radius of the rim. Thanks to AnacondaHL for providing linkage.


And now again in HD...with replays:


Eddy Curry sighting: Did you know: Eddy Curry's $60 million contract was simply a clever ruse by Isiah Thomas to sign LeBron James? I'm dead serious. More on this below.

Admit it. You just squeed.
Ozzie Guillen: With no regard for human life fashion.


The Portland Trail Blazers: I can't bust on the Frail Blazers too much.

Typical of this team's luck, they were already minus two centers (Greg Oden and Joel Przybilla) before Fabricio Oberto retired on them (see below). Portland also announced on Thursday that rookie Elliot Williams is likely out for the season because of surgery to repair a dislocated right patella. Oh, and then Rudy Fernandez missed the game because of back pain.

So it's not too surprising they were outlasted by the Thunder.

Still, Portland coach Nate McMillan thought his team wimped out a little bit: "I just think we settled. I thought there were lanes to drive and get to the basket against this team. There were a few times where we settled for the jump shot. We shot the ball well in the first half. In the second half, we continued to rely on the jump shot as opposed to attacking, being aggressive, playing from the inside out. We played on the perimeter tonight."

Reality check: The Blazers outscored the Thunder 50-34 in the paint. According to the shot chart, they attempted 28 layups. According to Hoopdata, NBA teams average 22.3 shots at the rim per game...and Portland averages 22.6. Of course, Oklahoma City currently leads the league in giving up shot attempts at the rim (31.0) and their opponents shoot the ninth-highest percentage from that range...so maybe Nate has a point.

Seattle Super Sonics fans: I appreciate their pain. I do. But at this point, it's kind of like Mike Tyson asking for another shot at Buster Douglas.

Poor Chewbacca still hasn't gotten over theImperial blockade of his home planet Kashyyyk.
Isiah Thomas: Has the man lost his mind? The answer is "yes" of course, but I'll let you be the judge. From ESPNNewYork:

Isiah Thomas thought he would be dead by age 20, so at 49 he offers no apologies for betting on himself. Exiled in Miami, haunted by his proximity to LeBron James, Thomas embraces his articles of blind faith like one would a baby in a storm.

Isiah believes James (and perhaps Dwyane Wade) would be starting for the New York Knicks if Isiah had remained president of the team.

Isiah believes he can recruit James out of Miami and into Madison Square Garden in 2014.

Isiah believes that, with or without James, he will someday help the Knicks win their first NBA title since 1973.

"I want to be on the float and I want to get my ring," Thomas said.

Whaaaaaa...? But wait. There's more.

Asked if he hopes to replace Donnie Walsh whenever the 69-year-old Knicks president retires, Thomas said, "Every single day of the week.

"When I look at my GM/executive record, if I'm evaluated on that, then whoever's after Donnie, if you're not talking about some of the top people in the game, I'll put my draft evaluation record up against anyone's."

Not done yet.

Vin Baker, Jerome James, Jared Jeffries.

There's no defending that, and Thomas knows it.

"But there were 24 All-Stars last year," he said, "and I left New York with two of them, David Lee and Zach Randolph. Jamal Crawford became a sixth man of the year."

Thomas believes injuries cost the Knicks a playoff appearance in 2007, the year he replaced Brown on the bench. "Before the trial," he said, "people weren't saying bad things about the Knicks. They were saying, 'Watch out for the Knicks.'"

Yeah, as in: "Watch out, whatever nasty shit they have all over them might get on you."

Here's the best part though.

Thomas said he needed to make the trade for Stephon Marbury to resuscitate a dead franchise. He blamed Brown for moving Trevor Ariza in the deal to acquire Steve Francis. Surrendering the draft picks that became LaMarcus Aldridge and Joakim Noah for Curry?

Curry played at a high level for Thomas for a bit, but soon enough devolved into a symbol of everything that went wrong between Seventh and Eighth avenues.

"There was a method behind the madness," Thomas said. He was confident Curry would opt out in 2010 to clear the necessary space for a fellow client of Leon Rose, name of LeBron James.

"My instincts always told me LeBron would be great in New York," Thomas said. "I remember talking to Jerry West about when he was going after Shaq and how he mortgaged the team and what he went through. I kept saying to Jerry, 'I think if I position this right, I'll have a shot at LeBron.'"

So let me get this straight. Wildly overpaying for Eddy Curry was all part of Isiah's master plan to bring King Crab to New York. He can't be serious. He just can't. It's not medically possible to be that retarded...is it?

Okay, I might have been wrong. This is probably the best part.

"In Toronto, Indiana and New York," Thomas said, "I've never actually gotten fired for a basketball reason."

Fun fact: During Isiah's reign of terror as the New York's President of Basketball Operations, the Knicks went 151-259 -- including 56-108 during his two-year stint as head coach -- and had zero playoff appearances. But he's never been fired for "a basketball reason."

Heart problems: They've robbed us of the Fabulous Oberto, who has officially retired because of a cardiac condition that caused heart palpitations and, presumably, totally awesome hair.

In a statement, Oberto said: "I made this decision to put my health and my family in front of basketball. It was a tough decision to make after playing for so many years, but it was the right one."

We at Basketbawful wish Oberto -- and especially his hair -- well.

Lacktion report: Chris had one brief entry from the Thunder-Blazers game: "Cole Aldrich combined currency for a 4.1 trillion (4:08) celebratory collection!"

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, Chicago Bulls, New York Knicks, Oklahoma City Thunder, Portland Trail Blazers, Worst of the Night

(Via Andy Gray's SI Vault)
Here's your odd headline of the day, per JE Skeets: "Derrick Rose fails to show up to film cameo for 'The Good Wife'." According to the article:

The Bulls point guard refused to come out of his house in Chicago when the crew sent a car to pick him up on Tuesday morning, sources tell us.

Rose -- who helped the Bulls to victory over the Portland Trail Blazers at Chicago's United Center on Monday night -- also refused to give the show's producers an explanation for his no-show, even though they had him booked on a flight to New York, the source added.

Yes, Rose punking out at the last minute is crap, and I am dismayed that he couldn't show the decency to give them any advance warning or even just give them some kind of explanation. That being said, I'm pretty sure he just realized "I'm going to be on 'The Good Wife'? The Good Wife? Fuck that noise! I'm playing Xbox today."

Here's something Trey Kirby shared on his Twitter feed: ESPN's Josh Elliott and Amar''''e Stoudemire go head-to-head in a three point shootout using wads of paper and a trash can. I think you can predict who will win this one.


Worst of the Night in Pictures:







Nationally Televised Games:
Bucks at Celtics, ESPN, 8pm: For the record, I really, really do not care about this whole Charlie V/KG spat. Wake me up when they actually throw down in a boxing ring. (If they do, I'm sure that the WBO will make it an interim title fight for a diamond belt, for a small sanctioning fee of course.)

Lakers at Kings, ESPN, 10:30pm: Well, the good news for the Purple Paupers is that they'll still be over .500 even after tonight's loss. Yay!

All The Other Games:
Pistons at Hawks, 7pm: Great. We get to have another day of the media getting overly excited about the Hawks after they beat a bottom-feeder. I can hardly contain my excitement.

Bobcats at Nyets, 7pm: The Bobcats are 0-3, but according to Stephen Jackson, "It's not panic time." Bobcats fans, however, beg to differ. Any time Stephen Jackson is one of your best players is, indeed, panic time.

Timberwolves at Magic, 7pm: Darko Milicic has a 1.9 PER through 84 minutes this season. As you watch Dwight Howard play opposite Darko, think of the things that David Kahn could have done with that $20 million: burn it; piss on it; acquire 44.4% of Mike Conley. It's a fun game. Certainly more fun than watching the Timberpups play.

Pacers at 76ers, 7pm: So the question must be asked... at what point do we have to keep an eye on the 76ers to be one of the worst teams of all time?

Hornets at Rockets, 8:30pm: Good news: the Rockets offense is averaging 110PPG. Bad news: the Rockets defense is allowing 117 PPG. In related news, the Rockets are 0-3.

Mavericks at Nuggets, 9pm: With injuries and all the Carmelo drama, it's almost been overlooked that Chauncey Billups is shooting a whopping 27.6% from the field right now. At what point do we just take him out back and put him out of his misery like Ol' Yeller?

Craptors at Jazz, 9pm: Deron Williams has never lost to the Dinos. This does not surprise me.

Spurs at Suns, 10pm: I don't know about you, but I still remember those epic Spurs/Suns playoff games from a few years ago whenever these two teams meet. However, considering all the roster turnover since then (especially in Phoenix), do the actual teams really care that much?

Also, Tim Duncan can potentially become the second-leading scorer in Spurs history after this game. Honestly, who on the Suns is going to stop him? Hedo? (Ball.)

Grizzlies at Warriors, 10:30pm: Stephen Curry is likely to miss this game with a bum ankle. Get ready for Monta Ellis to get a stupidly high usage rate in this game.

Thunder at Clippers, 10:30pm: OKC has struggled with their defense a little this season. Nice to know that won't be an issue tonight.

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, Bawful After Dark, Darko, David Kahn

I would have posted a top post picture, but it's surprisingly hard to find a picture of people literally throwing fecal matter around inside of Staples Center. (3 prepositions in a row!)
I guess I'll start this post mentioning the shitty officials, hopefully to trick Lakers fans into hating the rest of this post after reading only one line. The officials were pretty much hand-selected to give the Suns an edge. (Joey Crawford has actually been good this year, (nested parenthesis: except for Spurs games of course, haha) with a surprisingly low Home Foul Margin and fouls and techs called, and Mike Callahan and Ed Malloy called a very low ~18 fouls per game on the Suns, prior to last night). And while there were a few crappy calls either way, there were definitely more crappy calls on members of the Lakers.

For 3 quarters, at least.

The Lakers led by as many as 14 in the first half, but the Suns inexplicably whittled away at the lead to tie it at 90 heading into the final quarter. The Suns showed good aggression, and the officials called a pretty straight game in the 4th. The chance was open for the Suns to steal this game. Oh, and throughout the game, the Lakers still had defensive lapses, and allowed the Suns to score 112 on 49.4% shooting.

Okay, now that that's all out of the way, let's start the post.


What the fuck, Steve Nash: I will press this issue first, since I'm sure lots of talk today (and below) will involve Amar''''''e's suckage. Nash, did you just not learn anything from Game 1? It's like you intentionally adjusted NOTHING as he was repeatedly whimpering away from Gasol switches on pick and rolls, showing no defensive effort, making ill advised passes, and turning it over.

It's gotten to the point that I'd rather see Dragic in the game, since he's actually putting in some effort to challenge the defense, can keep the opposing Guards at bay, and doesn't make me feel every possession will end in a turnover. I don't care about your 2 MVPs, or how you played so well to set the tone against San Antonio. Steve Nash, you are playing like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Alvin Gentry: Good work having faith in your guys. Instead of trusting Grant Hill and Jared Dudley, you actually followed the dumb media suggestions to use Zone D and double Kobe. Well great. Kobe still gots his 21 points and a personal playoffs high 13 assists. (lol really? Wow, yeah really.) And you open more space for Gasol to work down low, and leave Artest and the other Lakers scrubs to work their jump shots. How was this supposed to work again?

At least you were quick enough to pull Frye faster than D'Antoni would've. But later, when switching away from the first quarter zone nightmare, you put Dudley on Artest, and made a hot-shooting Jason Richardson waste his energy defending Kobe?? Can you honestly NOT see which lineups are actually working, or is he obliged to never call out Stoudemire since he makes the most money and the Suns organization wants to baby him to keep him this off-season? Alvin Gentry, you are coaching like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Channing Frye: Just another game for those split stats. 0-5, including 0-2 from downtown. What more is there to say? Your confidence is shot, and Nash's aforementioned shitty play-making isn't getting you back in rhythm. There's just nothing left to say about you. If you can't stop spraying fecal matter all over the place for these upcoming home games, the Suns are done.

In fact, you sucked so much, I'm embedding the lacktion report by chris right in your section.

Woefully short Wednesday playoff lacktion report
Suns-Lakers: Channing Frye countered a board in 8:39 with 5 bricks, 4 fouls, and a giveaway for a 5:1 Voskuhl!

Channing Frye, you are shooting like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Jason Richardson: Well okay, you actually played pretty good. But the Suns NEED you to grab rebounds. It's too late to back out now. Jason, we've seen you rip down strong rebounds, and now we expect it and need it. Like honestly, look at the entire roster of the Suns. Who else even comes close to securely grabbing a board?

Also, this was pretty funny:


Jason Richardson, you are flopping like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Jared Dudley: Actually, you played really well too. But please don't foul out next time. And if Gentry is being stupid and suggesting help defending Kobe, grow some damn balls and tell him you can handle it. And if you're going for the steal or the offensive rebound, stop freaking the fuck out and secure the ball and get the ball to your point guard.

I think this was the only solid play you made, and was hardly even your fault:


Jared Dudley, you are "energy guy-ing" like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Amar''''''e Stoudemire: I'd rather keep this one as an open forum, since it's likely to be the hot topic of discussion today along with the words "lucky" and "your mom". But I'll breeze over the basics: 3 defensive rebounds, 5 turnovers, letting Odom go off on you again, and a defensive effort so bad, fans from cap space teams are praying they don't get you, especially for a max contract.

Here's you, your audition, proving to your future team that you understand the concept of defending the pick-and-ro-...


Amar''''''e Stoudemire, you are playing and rebounding and defending like shit. Stop it. Actually, you are shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Phoenix Suns organization: I wish I had documented how unhappy I was when STAT got his player of the month award, as many were spinning it as proof Kerr made the right choice at the trade deadline. Sure I've had my anti-Amar''''''e bias ever since he and his posse cut in front of my sister at a pizza place. But I refuse to follow another year of him. I will become an immediate fan of the best division rival of any team stupid enough to pay Amar''''''e the max. Phoenix Suns organization, this has been old news since 2005, but you are making decisions like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Phoenix Suns: This was your game to win. You had it tied going into the 4th. You had the officials helping you out. How could you let it get so out of hand, that the Lakers started running triangle post-up drills on you, and using Pau Gasol as point guard for the end of the game? You guys got clowned by the Lakers tonight. And no, I won't waste my time making the Kobe jutted-jaw-and-lower-teeth GIF, or the Kobe beat-up-that-beat-fist-which-kinda-looks-like-masturbation GIF, since I'm sure those will be playing nonstop on ESPN for the next 4 days.

But this one moment actually had me laughing (and maybe feeling straight up jealous of the Lakers for the first time in my life. For a split second.)



So now I've got a chance to goto Game 4 of the WCF, and instead of any hope in the team, I'll instead be hoping that I'm witnessing Amar''''''e's last home game as a Sun. Or last game before being a max contract Sun. Ughh. Is this even the same team that destroyed San Antonio?

The Phoenix Suns, you are playing this Western Conference Finals like shit. Stop it.

-a slightly bitter AnacondaHL

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, I freaking hate the Lakers, Los Angeles Lakers, Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash

"Maybe if I don't acknowledge him, he'll just give up and leave me alone..."
Maybe it has something to do with the draft lottery bringing the bawful teams out to play, but wow there are a lot of bottom-of-the-league teams in the news right now. Let's take a look at some of the stories:

The Nets have told Kiki Vandeweghe whatever-the-Russian-word-for-goodbye-is. because I'm sure that will bring them out of the basement of the league...

The Clippers claim Blake Griffin is back to 100% and has been cleared for all basketball activities. Well, good to see they'll finally get to take advantage of their #1 pick from last year. You know, at least until the next catastrophic Clippery thing happens to them. It's only a matter of time.

The Knicks have found a way to pass the time while waiting for The Summer of LeBron to finish and decide their fate: getting busted for pot.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Huh. I didn't know Sheed's relationship with the refs was that intimate.

This might as well be our stock photo for Vag saying "Don't blame me.
Basketbawful warned y'all." as we saw in last night's game post
All The Games:
Suns at Lakers - TNT, 9:00pm
Lakers lead series 1-0

Amar'''''e Stoudemire's mom got arrested on Saturday for erratic driving, speeding, and operating a vehicle without an ignition interlock device. Amar'''e responded she shouldn't do anything different, and that the police just "got lucky" they caught her. But seriously, this is no laughing matter -- learn to freaking box people out and fight for rebounds, damnit!!

Also, as shared by Basketbawful reader Bryan, the most random, pointless rivalry in the NBA has been identified!

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, Bawful After Dark, Los Angeles Clippers, Los Angeles Lakers, Phoenix Suns

Here's a new twist on an old theme...the sad standing bench.
The Orlando Magic: Remember: This was supposed to be a better Magic team than the one that made the NBA Finals last year. All the experts said so. The numbers said so. Their 8-0 record and monstrous point differential through the first two rounds of the NBA playoffs said so. Just like a Weekly World News Headline -- "Bat Boy pregnent with Hitler's Robot Baby" -- it was a scientific fact.

Here's another fact for you: The Magic are now 0-2 in their Eastern Conference Final series with the Boston Celtics. And Orlando is 0-5 all-time in playoff series in which they lose the first two games. Okay, that was two facts, but you see what I'm getting at.

Of course, I've been saying all season that these Magic weren't as good as last year's squad, no matter what lies the experts and their stats were telling us. The 2008-09 Magic had a system. Dwight Howard anchored the defense and took care of the heavy lifting, and Hedo Turkoglu facilitated the offense and took over scoring duties in crunch time. The 2009-10 Magic replaced Hedo with Vag Carter. And that's pretty much where I rested my argument...and I was right. But we'll get back to that.

For the game, Orlando managed only 92 points on 39 percent shooting. Mind you, this was despite a 9-for-13 night from Dwight Howard. Speaking of which, I have to give Pumaman credit. After getting roughed up and beaten down in Game 1, Dwight said he was going to change his tactics. And he did. Instead of trying to elbow past or straight through his Celtic defenders, Howard made much quicker moves, stopped trying to over-dribble and power his way through the defense, and seemingly developed a quick-spin hook shot overnight.

Dwight finished with a game-high 30 points and even went 12-for-17 at the free throw line, which is pretty freaking good for him.

But I made this point yesterday: The Celtics don't necessarily care about stopping their opponent's superstar. Sure, they want to make life as rough on that player as they can, but their brilliance is in stopping "the other guys." I'm always telling BadDave and Evil Ted this, but in many cases, if not most cases, superstars don't win championships. The role players do. The Birds, Jordans, Magics, etc., those types of players are going to get their numbers. They always do. But it's John Paxson or Robert Horry or Steve Kerr hitting a clutch jumper that usually swings things one way or the other. Heroics from an unexpected source.

The Celtics wouldn't let that happen.

The non-Howard Magic starters were 13-for-42 from the field. J.J. Redick was the only player to do much scoring off the bench -- he finished with 16 points -- but went 3-for-9 from the field. Of course, in all fairness, Redick did go 2-for-3 from downtown and 8-for-8 from the line. Moreover, he had 4 assists, a surprising 2 offensive boards (both on the same possession), and helped keep the Magic from falling apart in the first half. In fact, Redick logged 34 minutes and finished with Orlando's best plus-minus score (+5).

Next to Howard, Redick was the Magic's most important player. I hope you see why that was a huge-ish problem.

Here are some other numbers for your enjoyment: Orlando gave up 22 points off only 14 turnovers. Furthermore, they were outrebounded 38-36 and outscored 36-34 in the paint. Those last two disadvantages aren't staggering, except that the Magic were supposed to win the paint and rebounding battles handily. After all, Howard is the best center in the league, right? And the Celtics are a bad rebounding team, aren't they?

Some theories just don't hold up.

Reality check: The Magic hadn't lost back-to-back home games since losing Games 4 and 5 of the 2009 NBA Finals. For all intents and purposes, that ended Orlando's title run. Seems like history could be repeating itself here.

Vince Carter: Like I said above, when they replaced Turkoglu -- who was indeed overpaid by the Raptors but had proven himself as the Magic's go-to guy -- with Half Man, Half A Nutsack, I wrote Orlando off as a true championship threat. With Hedo gone, who was going to take over clutch duties for the Magic? Pumaman, who has 1.5 post moves and can't hit free throws? Rashard Lewis, who's never liked doing the dirty work and can't really create his own shot? Nope, Vinsanity was the Magic's new Captain Crunch. He was the only one who had the capability to do it.

And last night, that fact bit the Magic in their magical ass.

I'll give him this much: Carter hit two or three really tough shots, which naturally led Mark Jackson to exclaim, "And that's why the Magic got Vince Carter...to hit big shots!" And just as naturally, Jeff Van Gundy pointed out that those "tough shots" were actually "bad shots"...and that knocking them down is a sort of fool's gold.

As usual, Van Gundy was right.

Vag went 5-for-15, grabbed only 1 rebound, dished only 1 assist and committed 3 turnovers. But Carter's biggest eff up came when it mattered most. Of course. The Magic were down three points with 34.7 seconds left, but Stan Van Gundy wrote up a play that worked: Carter got free on a drive and almost made it to the rim before getting fouled by Paul Pierce. All Carter had to do was knock down both freebies and the Magic would have a really good chance to steal this game.

Vag bricked the first. Right before the second attempt, the camera zoomed in on Carter's face. I swear, he looked like a Fear Factor contestant who had just been asked to eat a giant plate full of cow testicles that were covered in crawling insects. I immediately said, "Nope," as in, "He is so going to shank that second free throw."

And he did.

Update! Okay, first of all, I realize cow's don't have balls. It was s'posed to be part of the joke. But anyway, Evil Ted and I were just talking about the game and I came up with a better analogy: Have you ever been stuck somewhere -- on a train, or a plane, or in a car on the highway -- and suddenly been hit with a case of diarrhea? All you can do is screw up your will power and try to hold it in. That's the look Vince had on his face...the look of a man who was terrified that he was about to shit his pants. And then he did it.

Said Carter: "I don't take losses well."

That's funny, Vince, because you've had a lot of practice. Everybody knows this is Carter's first trip to a conference finals, right?

Carter continued: "They bring me in to make plays and deliver in crunch time. For me to step up there and miss two free throws, regardless, this doesn't sit well with me."

Well, I'm sure Magic fans are utterly relieved that blowing the game doesn't sit well with you. Like a Hello Kitty band-aid, that just makes it all better.

"Don't blame me. Basketbawful warned y'all."
As Basketbawful reader Kazam92 said:

Hedo wouldn't miss those FT's, he'd likely also hit that 3 that nelson bricked earlier.

just a reminder:

Update! The Ghost of Nick Anderson: I can't believe I didn't include this on my first try:


J.J. Redick: After Game 1, Basketbawful reader Basebawful said: "I think J.J Redick should play more minutes, the guy is a hustler, plays great defense on Ray Allen and shoots great. That run at the end of the game was in part because of him."

To which Cortez replied: "If they go this route...Celtics in 3 because they'll cancel the last game to pay respects to Redick's smoldering corpse."

Well, Redick did get big minutes in Game 2, and for the most part, he delivered. But...he also made the second-biggest eff up of the game.

After Carter bonked those foul shots, the Celtics used their full 24 seconds before missing a shot. Redick grabbed the rebound, but instead of calling time out, he took off toward half court. Not only did he run crucial seconds off the clock, he never made it over the half court stripe before finally calling for time. This meant that not only were the Magic left with only 3.5 seconds, they had to take the ball out from beyond half court.

Okay, maybe that was the biggest eff up of the game.

Said Van Gundy: "[Immediately calling timeout] would have made a big difference. We said in the thing to call a timeout. We didn't make the right play there at the end."

Added Redick: "I made a mistake. I didn't hear the whistle initially. When I didn't hear it initially, I just kind of went, then I realized we should have called a timeout. So that was my fault."

Pretty much, yeah.

I expect him to start smoldering soon...
Rashard Lewis: Back in 2007, a lot of people had a mini-freakout when the Magic decided to give Lewis a six-year, $110 million contract. I mean, how do you pay that much for a guy who can't create his own shot, doesn't generate offense for his teammates, never rebounded well for his size and doesn't play much defense?

But the Magic have gone 170-76 and made an NBA Finals since Lewis arrived, which forced people to kind of back off. But, well, the dude has been lost against the Celtics. Take last night's performance: 41 minutes, 5 points, 2-for-6 from the field, 1-for-3 from downtown, 4 rebounds. If Jackson and Van Gundy hadn't kept saying that the Magic needed Rashard to do something, I honestly would have forgotten he was even out there...that he was even still alive.

For God's sake, J.J. scored over three times as many points as Lewis did!

Mark Jackson, quote machine: As Basketbawful reader Luke pointed out: "Incredible! Mark Jackson just suggested that given the foul trouble of the Celtics big men, Brian Scalabrine could come in and guard Dwight Howard." That was a truly frightening moment for Boston fans. Fortunately for those fans and Scal himself, it never came to pass.

Amar''''''e Stoudemire: When Lamar Odom outrebounded him 19-3 in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals, well, that should have been a wakeup call, right?

Yeah, right.

Said STAT: "I'm not giving him no hype right now; he had a lucky game in Game 1. We just got to make sure we box him out. I think I focused so much on [Pau] Gasol and [Andrew] Bynum to where he snuck in there and got 19 boards, so now we just got to make sure there's three guys out there that can rebound well [when] adding Odom. So, we got to do a better job on them."

Luck, huh? See, to me, rebounding is more about hard work and determination than luck. Do you know who leads the Suns in defensive rebounding during the 2010 NBA playoffs? It's 37-year-old Grant Hill with 59 defensive boards. Meanwhile, Stoudemire has only 41 defensive rebounds despite playing 75 more minutes than Hill. What's more, Stoudemire barely ranks ahead of Steve Nash in Defensive Rebounding Rate in the playoffs (12.5 to 10.3). Hill leads the team in DRR at 22.2.

There are several things that bother me about Stoudemire as a big man...and rebounding is one of them. I watch the Suns play a lot, and it seems lik Amar’e isn’t a big fan of going after contested defensive rebounds. And at times, he doesn’t do a great job of boxing out. Again, Lamar Odom outrebounded him 19-3.

Luck has nothing to do with it.

The NBA Draft Lottery: I'll leave this one to the readers:

From Adam:

Oh God, the Nets even fail in the lottery. They ended up third when they had like a 25% chance of first.

From Heretic:

HAHAHAHA New jersey didn't get the No.1 pick and DC (my neighborhood) gets No.1. Wonder what they're gonna do with Gilbert "Gun Fingaz" Arenas. Fuck that Russian dude.

From Will:

Three people deserve Worst-Ofs from the lottery:

1. Danny Granger for jinxing the Pacers' chances.

2. Aaron Brooks for forgetting his pocket protector.

3. The guy interviewing John Wall for giving me the most awkward thing I've seen since I-don't-know-when.

From Bryan:

The wizards were gunning for that #1 spot and hit the target. Good for them. They had John Wall in their cross-hairs and took aim at turning their team around and shot for the stars. Shoot, with a little bit of luck, every team has a shot to turn around their fortune. No more riding shotgun for them in this league. Now lets see if they pull the trigger on Wall or shoot themselves in the foot and go another direction. Couldnt have happened to a better team. David Stern has to be happy Arenas will be a mentor to the NBA's next big star. Go Wiz!!

Yesterday's officiating tirade: Yesterday, I wrote a thousand-word post about why the Phoenix Suns got blasted in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals. Nowhere in that post was officiating mentinoed. Officiating got brought up in the comments section, I made a non-comment, and then things went berserk...leading to the following comment in the BAD comments by Basketbawful reader Fishy:

According to just about every fan, their team would be 82-0 during the season and 16-0 during the playoffs if it weren't for the refs.

When my team loses I tend to remember all the missed free throws, turnovers, bad shots, bad defense, mental lapses, non-box-outs, and all the things MY TEAM DID TO LOSE and THE OTHER TEAM DID TO WIN....

... not a few bad calls that went against us, because there for sure were a few bad calls that helped us too just like every damn game. Every. Game.

Naturally, most fans don't see the calls that go their way, just the ones that didn't.

It gets old people! The refs suck. We know. Now go focus on your team.

Here's what gets me about the whole situation. I never said the Suns lost because of officiating. AnacondaHL, who opened the can of worms, never said the Suns lost because of officiating. All that was said was this: There were some iffy calls on Grant Hill, and based on the numbers -- the Lakers were only +2 on the night when Hill was in the game, and they didn't break the game open until Hill got sent to the bench with his fourth foul and subsequent bogus technical -- that had an impact on the game.

Nobody said the Suns would have won had Grant not been the leading actor in The Phantom Foul Menace. Seriously, go back and reread that thousand-word post that doesn't mention officiating, then read all the comments. Nobody said the Suns would have won...and plenty of reasons were given for why they lost.

Which brings me back to why I didn't bring the officiating up in the first place: I didn't want some Lakers fans freaking out. That fact is, officiating has been brought up on this site -- both in posts and in the various comments sections -- many times during these playoffs. In fact, here's a bad call that went the Suns' way during their first round series with the Frail Blazers...a call, I would like to point out, that was prominently featured on this very site:


Amazingly, even shockingly, there wasn't a big deal made about that or any other crack on playoff officiating. Everybody has been able to either agree that bad calls are made sometimes or they shrug it off. End of story. Because, by and large, Basketbawful attracts a reasonably intelligent crowd of basketball fans who realize that there are countless factors that go into each and every win or loss.

I mean, if there was ONE REASON a team got beaten, my Worst of the Night posts would be pretty damn short, wouldn't they?

So please, as the leading provider of free basketball humor on the Interwebs, I'm asking everyone to do me a favor. Before you start labeling people as "pathetic" or "whiners," do me a favor and just read the posts. If I or somebody else clearly and sincerely states that Team A only beat Team B because of bad officiating -- that lousy calls were the only reason for a win or loss -- then by all means correct that person. But going on a bitter rant about nothing accomplishes, well, nothing. We're all here for a good time, not a war of words.

As an added bonus to this entry, here's a link Chris sent me about Phil Jackson's long history of working the officials during the playoffs. Man, that P-Jax...what a pathetic whiner. [Insert smiley face emoticon here.]

Update! Joe DeRosa: Talk about crafty: Mr. DeRosa tossed a basketball to an angry fan, and when the fan threw it back to him, Joe signaled for security to throw the fan out...and they did. Well, not really. The Orlando Sentinel says the fan is Wyndham Vacation Ownership CEO Franz Hanning, who was simply moved to another (probably not quite as good) seat. The Sentinel also says Hanning is an acquaintance of Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers, who lives in Orlando.

Here's the footage:

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, Boston Celtics, J.J. Redick, NBA playoffs, Orlando Magic, Vince Carter, Worst of the Night

As stephanie g. said: "SHAZAM! The playoffs are finally here!"Now Kevin Garnett will be taking a one-game vacation...
The Chicago Bulls: This second season's leading candidate for Schrodinger's playoff team status pretty much lived up, er, died up (??) to expectations by face-planting into a 22-point hole against the highly (and very correctly) favored Craboliers. Despite being one of the best rebounding teams in the Association, Chicago was outrebounded 50-38 and gave up 13 offensive boards. They were also outscored 42-26 in the paint.

LeBron (4 blocks), Shaq (12 points, 5 rebounds, 4 assists, 3 blocks), Antawn Jamison (15 points, 10 rebounds, 3 blocks) and Andy Varejao (8 points, 15 rebounds, 2 steals and a block) controlled the colored rectangle...and the Bulls eventually learned to fear the rim. As Basketbawful reader beep said: "It makes me puke when I see an empty lane and a Chicago player stopping to take a jump shot he misses, and even if he made it, it would be awful play ... my eyes were bleeding. :facepalm:"

Of course, even if the Crabs hadn't been returning every package to sender, that's sort of the Bulls' game plan. Long, contested two-point shots are their bread and butter. No wonder Luol Deng always has a sad face.

By the way, yeah, I know Chicago cut a huge deficit to only seven points late in the fourth. I have to say "whatever" to that, because Cleveland went to sleep. The Crabs did whatever they wanted whenever they wanted to do it. So don't let the Bulls' mini-comeback fool you.

Joakim Noah: Nobody wants to get YouTubed by a 38-year-old man who's glacial movements currently have to be tracked via calendar. And almost falling on your own face during the schooling? Eek.


Said The Big Geritol: "That's the patented move I've been doing for years. That's the 'Diesel Truck with No Brakes.' When I get into that mood people get out of the way because they know I'm in the cab and I don't have any brakes."

Replied Noah: "I kind of knew he was going to do it at first, so I tried to take it away. Then he waited and waited until a good time." Aaaaaaaaand...

Joakim Noah, unintentionally dirty quote machine: "He just knows how to use that 350 pounds."

Brad Miller, unintentionally dirty quote machine: Miller -- who ended up with a bloody face courtesy of Shaq's favorite elbow -- said: "He's still Shaq, but I tell all these guys all the time, you should have seen what he was like a few years ago. Every possession underneath, it was bang, bang."

The Milwaukee Bucks: The sad thing is, Bucks-Hawks could have been a great series before something that should never happen to a human arm happened to Andrew Bogut's arm. Amar''''''e Stoudemire's little push transformed the Bucks from a playoff dark horse to a Schrodinger's playoff team...unless John Salmons (6-for-18) has a little Michael Jordan in him. Exactly.

The Hawks went up by as many as 20 in the first quarter and led 62-40 at the half before forgetting you have to successfully complete 16 full games before winning the NBA championship. Atlanta's collective nappy time combined with some hot shooting by Brandon Jennings (34 points, 15-for-24, 4-for-6 from downtown) allowed the Bucks to rally, but their kinda-sorta comeback is as deceiving as the one the Bulls almost pulled off against the Crabs. Some teams fight their way back into a game, and some teams are let back in.

Said Mike Bibby: "When you get ahead by so much, you kind of get lackadaisical." Nobody knows this better than a former Sacramento King.

As for Jennings, his splits tell me the Bucks probably shouldn't expect him to keep shooting the ball as well as he did in Game 1. But Jennings sounds determined to go down firing: "Not having Andrew Bogut, I have to go back to playing the way I was at the beginning of the season. I have to be more aggressive if we're going to have any chance to win."

The Miami Heat: For 29 minutes, it looked like the Heat were going to win Game 1 of their first round series against The Paper Champions. Miami was shooting 53 percent and leading by 14 points when Boston's defensive demons woke from their season-long slumber. Over the final nine minutes of the game, the Heat shot 19 percent from the field (6-for-31) -- including 1-for-10 from downtown -- and got outscored by 23 points. During Miami's 10-point fourth quarter, Heat players started to look flat out scared when passes sailed their way. "No, no, I'm telling you, he's open!" It was a shooting apocalypse, but it could have been worse. One of their players could have had a meltdown like...

Kevin Garnett: Quick quiz: Is Kevin Garnett a dirty player? Quick answer:


Aaaaaaaaand: Suspsended for Game 2.

Classic superdickery. Especially with the way he flounced away from the scrum after swinging the elbow. Way to go, KG. Now I can understand why Benny the Bull sniped you with a t-shirt gun. A person is what he does repeatedly, and you can only swing so many elbows and have so many run-ins with the Jose Calderons of the world before people realize you're, well, you know.

Anyway, let the excuses begin:

"I saw Paul grab his shoulder, as a stinger or whatever, so I just tried to immediately call [Celtics trainer] Ed [Lacerte] over," Garnett explained after the game. "I tried to give him some room and I just saw [Quentin Richardson] standing over him talking nonsense. I asked [Richardson] to give him some room and, before you knew it, mayhem started. That situation, man, I know these two [Richardson and Pierce] have competed against each other in the past and have history from bumping heads a little bit. I was just trying to give him the common courtesy for an injured player, that's all. Nothing more, nothing less.

"I have no beef with Q, I know him personally. I thought what he did was a bit disrespectful, standing over a guy hurt, you know, and talking nonsense. Before you knew it, it all just broke out. I gotta use my head, but all I saw was Paul hurt and that's all I cared about at that time."

Asked for a response to Richardson's comments , Garnett wouldn't bite.

"No thoughts at all," said Garnett. "Classless -- a classless act on his part. I'm moving on with it. I'm not going to go back and forth commenting through [the media]. End this."

Garnett said he apologized to his teammates after Saturday's game.

"I apologized because, like [coach] Doc [Rivers] said, sometimes even when you're right you're wrong," said Garnett. "A situation like that was totally classless, you know, but you keep it moving. It's nothing to keep going back and forth with."

Here's some additional outside perspective on the whole situation from Joakim Noah:

"I'm going to say it: He's a dirty player," Noah said after he and his Chicago teammates practiced at Quicken Loans Arena in preparation for Monday's Game 2 against the Cavaliers. "He's always swinging elbows, man. I'm hurting right now because of an elbow he threw. It's unbelievable. He's a dirty player. It's one thing to be competitive and compete and all that.

"But don't be a dirty player, man. He's a dirty player."

Noah's opinion was that Garnett intended to strike Richardson.

"He knows what he's doing," Noah said. "It's messed up. It's wrong. It's not right. I shouldn't even be talking about this stuff. It's crazy."

A Miami win in Game 2 feels almost predestined now. I mean, this is just a fitting way for this particular Celtics' season to begin its end.

Paul Pierce: Okay, so, supposedly he had a pinch nerve, and, in all fairness, Quentin Richardson should have stayed the hell away from him. But even as a die-hard Celtics fan, I couldn't help but wonder why Pierce had to go down again. I'm not necessarily calling him a faker, but the dude takes an awful lot of dives. Even Ric Flair -- who was the best faller-downer in pro wrestling history -- facepalms when The Half-Truth goes down.

Evil Ted and I had a small debate over this, and my point was: On September 25, 2000, Pierce once got stabbed 11 times in the face, neck, and back and had a bottle smashed over his head...after which he had to lung surgery. Ya know how many games Paul missed that season? None. Pierce is tougher than that. He needs to stop flopping around when he gets hurt, because he's basically inviting incidents like this to happen.

Big Baby: Please stop.


Quentin Richardson, quote machine: "I was trying to get over there to take the ball out of bounds and he started to talk to me so I talked back. I don't have any business talking to him (Pierce), he was on the ground crying. I don’t know what was going on, two actresses over there that's what they are. ... Sometimes (Pierce) falls like he’s about to be out for the season and then he gets right up. That's all I said."

The Utah Jazz: In most cases, the playoffs are when teams start to really focus on defense. After all, that's what wins championships, right? In fact, I'm pretty sure at some point this weekend I heard Hubie Brown (or somebody) say there weren't any bad defensive teams in the playoffs.

The Jazz and Nuggets beg to differ.

Utah scored 113 points on 54 percent shooting while the Nuggets hit 57 percent of their field goals en route to 126 points. Carmelo Anthony scored a career playoff-high 42 points and J.R. Smith went off for 18 points in the fourth quarter, during which Denver outscored Utah 38-27.

Many faces went handless on this night. Even if Carlos Boozer believes otherwise.

Regarding 'Melo's multiple money shots in his team's collective mug, Boozer said: "He just took that game over. He hit shots with hands in his face. It seemed like he barely dribbled the ball, had a one-dribble pull-up or just caught it, faced up and shot it. That's where we miss A.K.'s length."

Speaking of which, I loved this quote from the AP recap: "Anthony was on a mission and C.J. Miles and Wesley Matthews were powerless to stop him." If Jerry Sloan's game plan is to use Miles and Matthews against 'Melo, then I hope he has a nice, big plasma TV and a comfy chair to sit in while watching the second round of the playoffs.

In all honesty, though, we all know Anthony's going to get his, right? The real key was Utah's failure to contain Smith down the stretch. That dude can (and will) shoot the Nuggets into games, and he can (and will) shoot them out of games. Just you wait.

By the way, what's up with the Jazz trainers giving Mehmet Okur a painkilling shot in his injured Achilles' tendon? You know...the one he tore during Game 1? Check it:

Okur had been bothered by Achilles' tendinitis in his left leg since April 7 and missed a game but he fought through it and received a painkilling shot before Game 1.

Jazz general manager Kevin O'Connor said he didn't believe that injection had anything to do with Okur tearing the tendon.

"We would never have put a player in a compromising position if there was any indication that the shot would have masked anything or done anything like that," O'Connor said. "We would have never done that. We'd never put a game ahead of a player's health. ... That's not in our DNA."

O'Connor said Okur's injection "was certainly his call."

"Is it related? I'm sure in same way, shape or form, everyone's going to put it on the fact that it is, but (team doctors) didn't feel there was any additional risk in doing that," O'Connor said.

Okur flew back to Salt Lake City without addressing reporters or his teammates.

Not good.

The Oklahoma City Thunder: What can I say? They played like a young team in their first-ever postseason game together. All the Lakers really did was out-execute them. Although the Thunder weren't exactly helped out by...

Kevin Durant: I don't know if it was Phil Jackson's mind games or the merry-go-round of defensive looks the Lakers used against him (sometimes Artest, sometimes Kobe, etc.), but KD looked positively Larry Hughes-like in his playoff debut. The Durantula shot 7-for-24 -- including 1-for-8 from beyond the arc -- and committed a game-high 4 turnovers. He was obviously frustrated. Seriously, at times he looked like he was guessing his way through some horrific story problem ("If my jump shot left Oklahoma City by train at 1 p.m. on Saturday and headed toward L.A. at 150 mph, will it ever arrive...") By crunch time, Durant had pretty much decided to force up his shots no matter what, like he couldn't believe how badly he was shooting (or, rather, being forced to shoot by an aggressive defense).

In all fairness to Durant, he wasn't alone. As a team, the Thunder did way too much freelancing against L.A.'s defensive pressure. Guys set their sights on the rim and stopped looking for open teammates. They're sure not going to beat the Lakers that way.

Still, the Thunder did cut the lead to 79-72 with about three and a half minutes left, so maybe all that's necessary is a few tweaks here and there.

Said Durant: "We could've came here and got a 'W.' We just couldn't get over the hump." Hump game!

The Charlotte Bobcats: Despite falling behind by 22 points, the 'Cats made a game out of it...but only because they managed to rough up Dwight Howard. That roughhousing led to frustration, and the next thing you know, Pumaman was in foul trouble. Hack-a-Howard kinda worked.

Said Magic coach Stan Van Gundy: "Their big guys are going to hit him every chance they get. And if he gets one foul retaliating, they've done their job. He can't get any of those. He's just going to have to understand no matter how many times they hit him, he can't hit back. We need him on the floor."

Howard still made the difference on defense by swatting an almost-record-setting 9 shots. Which reminds me...

The 1996-97 Los Angeles Lakers: If you check out the AP recap, you'll see a list of the most blocks in a game in the last 20 postseasons. On that list, you'll see names like Howard, Tim Duncan, Alonzo Mourning, Hakeem Olajuwon and...Greg Ostertag?! Oh yes, my friends, 'Tag once had 9 blocked shots in a playoff game. Against the Lakers. For shame, L.A.

Dwight Howard, quote machine: Another reason the Bobcats loss was their inability to contain Jameer Nelson, who scored 24 of his game-high 32 points in the first half. About which Howard said: "I was just happy to have my little crib midget back."

Speaking of Pumaman, an anonymous reader left the following comment this weekend:

McHale, just gathered that you considered Howard to be the MVP over LeChosenOne on Truehoop. I get that he isn't a favorite over here at Bawful, but surely you can't really argue with his combination of team and individual success, right? While I understand (and dislike) the constant media-orgy over LeBron, I thought that his season this year was one of the most impressive I have seen in my 21 years. Am I wrong?

First off, I'm not saying that Howard is the better player. Nor am I denying that 'Bron pulled off one of the great statistical seasons in league history.

But here's my full explanation for my MVP considerations, which were cut in the final draft of the TrueHoop post:

Dwight Howard is as dominant defensively as LeBron is offensively. Moreover, Howard can dominate without dominating the ball. He takes only 10 shots per game, and you'll notice that his Usage Rate is almost 10 percentage points lower than LeBron's. Yet Howard is the league's best defensive player and the foundation of his team's offense. And his team happens to have the second-best record in the league.

Speaking of which, the Magic rate better than the Cavaliers in several advanced metrics, including Pythagorean Wins, SRS, Offensive Rating, Defensive Rating, Effective Field Goal Percentage, Free Throws Per Field Goal Attempt, Defensive eFG%, Defensive Rebounding Rate, and Opponent Free Throws Per Field Goal Attempt. King James might have one of the great Player Efficiency Ratings of all time, but several significant advanced stats indicate that Howard's team is better. I think these things are worth considering.

In many ways, this is a Wilt-versus-Russell type of debate. 'Bron has the better numbers, and his team seems helpless without him, although I wager some of that is because of poor coaching and the fact that, when he's in the game, the ball is grafted to his hands. I like Dwight's all-around impact, even if I hate his poor free throw shooting and lack of post moves.

Vince Carter: It's the playoffs and you know what that means: It's time for Vag Carter to disappear. His Game 1 line: 4-for-19, 0-for-5 from three-point range, 3 rebounds, an assist and 6 fouls.

The San Antonio Spurs: The Spurs shot 50 percent and got strong games out of Tim While Duncan (27 points, 8 rebounds), Manu Ginobili (26 points) and Tony Parker (18 points, 4 assists)...but the rest of the team scored 23 points on 10-for-26 shooting. What's more, San Antonio gave up 13 offensive rebounds -- 5 to Ericka Dampier, who's quietly fighting for a new contract -- and surrendered 20 points off 17 turnovers.

Said Duncan: "We didn't play focused enough. We just weren't there all night."

Gregg Popovich even resorted to a Hack-a-Dampier strategy that backfired when Ericka went 4-for-6 after three straight intentional fouls.

Said Pop: "We hoped he would miss free throws rather than Dirk killing us the way he was."

Good thinkin'.

The Phoenix Suns: Classic Suns. Favored. At home. Facing an opponent that just lost their best player. Unfortunately for Phoenix fans, the only guy ready to step up to the playoff challenge was Steve Nash (25 points, 10-for-18, 9 assists). Nobody else was ready to step up, even as the Frail Blazers were bonking free throws and missing dunks. Credit Portland. The Blazers slowed things down and put the defensive clamps on -- Phoenix shot 41 percent for the game -- but the Suns missed an awful lot of open shots. Especially in the final minutes.

On that subject, I leave you with AnacondaHL's despair:

I don't wanna talk about it.

Don't even wanna talk about it.

Phoenix 1-7 from 3 in the last 1:21.

Jamie Foxx, to JT: "I love Phoenix, there's just too many vegetarians"

As for the Blazers...holy shit. They are officially the NBA equivalent of a movie serial killer, right up there with Michael Meyers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger and whoever else you wanna name. As Basketbawful reader Sun Devil put it: "Is it possible that the Blazers are the greatest Wounded Tiger team of all time? Even if they get bounced quick from the Suns, they've had a helluva season. All their injuries have set off a perpetual motion of wounded tiger proportions!"

Amar''''''e Stoudemire: Somebody needs to remind STAT that he hasn't signed his big free agent contract just yet. I know 18 points and 8 rebounds might now sound that bad, but it was. Trust me, it was. Amar''''''e went 8-for-19 from the field and committed a co-team-high 4 turnovers. But his failings were most evident during crunch time.

With 2:40 left and the Sun trailing 92-89, Stoudemire used one of his patented post moves to turn the ball over via an offensive foul. On the other wend, Jerryd Bayless missed a jumper, but Amar''''''e didn't block out his man, LeMarcus Aldridge, who skied over him for the tip-in. The teams then exchanged three-pointers after which Stoudemire had the ball stolen from him by Marcus Camby. Nine seconds later, Amar''''''e fouled out.

If possible, I would like this stretch posted on YouTube as a tribute to why STAT shouldn't get max player money this summer, even though he probably will.

San Jose Sharks: I was already considering including this moment of Hockyawful in this post, and this comment from an anonymous reader cemented my decision: "This is hockey related, but I figured you guys could use a laugh. The San Jose Sharks just gave Colorado a 1-0 win in OT when a Sharks player scored on his own team." Oy.

Weekend lacktion report: Some would say that the playoffs are no time for lacktion, but chris continues to prove otherwise:

Bulls-Crabs: Janeero Pargo bricked once in 2:33 to earn a +1 suck differential, while in 40 seconds, we had FOUR Mario Brothers: Chicago's James Johnson, and the crustacean trio of Daniel Gibson (who managed a board in that time), JJ Hickson, AND Jawad Williams!

Bucks-Hawks: For Milwaukee, Dan Gadzuric made himself a 6.25 trillion (6:15), while Atlanta sent out the sanitation crew for garbage time - Joe Smith who lost the rock once and took a rejection for a +2 in 5:21 (that also earned a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl), Jeff Teague with a one-foul +1 in 6:13, and THE Mario West with a one-foul +1 in 1:12!

Heat-Celtics: Joel Anthony negated two steals and a block in 11:12 with a brick, rejection and two fouls for a 2:0 Voskuhl! For the C's, tiny Nate Robinson had a diminutive stint on the Virtual Boy - a mere 6 seconds for a Super Mario!

Jazz-Nuggets: Joey Graham heaved up one brick from the Granite Tower for a +1 in 1:45 - the same duration and suck differential that Malik Allen earned (along with a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl) after a foul!

Thunder-Lakers: In one of the most atrocious postseason performances seen in ages, James Harden racked up a sizable suck differential: a FULL +8 of fail after fouling four times, bricking thricely from the Library Tower, and losing the rock once in 16:20!!!!!

For Los Angeles, Josh Powell provided a payday of 1 trillion (1:01).

Spurs-Mavs: Keith Bogans fouled and bricked once each in 16:12 for a +2, while DeShawn Stevenson sauteed a shiitake or two briefly in a 7 second SUPER MARIO!

Frail Blazers-Suns: Dante Cunningham spent 11 seconds in the warmth of Bowser's castle for a Mario, while Jarron Collins - as Phoenix's starting big man in 11:35 - negated two boards with a brick and three fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, Charlotte Bobcats, Chicago Bulls, NBA playoffs, Phoenix Suns, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Weekend

It's like some kind of crazy combination of performance art and man love
Before we get started with BAD, I'd like to extend a get-well-soon wish to George Karl as he gets ready to fight another round of cancer. While it is thankfully fairly treatable, cancer is still a horrible, scary, life-altering ordeal, and I hope he gets through it as best as possible.

While I didn't have time to go back and do a Worst of the Night today, I HAVE been able to research plenty of trade rumors to make fun of while my Twitter page in the background constantly updates with more and more trade deadline talk.

Bad Trade of the Day:
I'm not going to bother sharing a fake trade today. Instead, I'm going to just remind of you of the possible real-life trades that could go down before tomorrow's trade deadline strikes at 3pm ET. Here are some of the big rumors (ignoring less interesting stuff like Bad Porn Maggette or Troy Murphy going to Cleveland)...

-Cleveland is the front-runner for Amar''''e Stoudemire, offering up Zydrunas Ilgauskas and JJ Hickson. Miami is said to be the other major player (which I'm sure Amar'''''e loves since he already lives part-time in Miami), but they don't seem to be willing to pay the price. They have yet to offer up Michael Beasley or any top draft picks. Then again, it's not like they have anything to offer. The Heat are D-Wade and a bunch of homeless people picked off the street to serve as his teammates. All I know is the Suns are apparently fairly serious about getting rid of Amar''''e, and that's a good thing since Amar''''e doesn't exactly feel wanted there. He has enough trouble playing with indifference as is. If he stays in Phoenix, he'll manage to give even less of a shit.

-The Bullets are in full rebuilding mode (as if they had any other options). They are apparently willing to deal Antawn Jamison in efforts to save some cash and avoid the luxury tax. The Crabs have shown interest (Jamison and Mike James for Big Z and Jamario Moon was one offer), but this one isn't looking very likely yet. I guess the Bullets are looking to acquire even more Null-Stars and probably are demanding Lacktion Brothers Darnell and Cedric Jackson are included in the swap.

-Knee-Mac trades are still a big story, despite the serious issue that, well, Knee-Mac sucks. He's been washed up for a couple years thanks to a deadly combination of old age, injuries, and being Tracy McGrady. (I mean, he's the cousin of Vinsanity. What do you really expect?) The Bricks are the biggest destination I've heard, but also the Bulls have been thrown out there. I would look deeper into it, but, eh.

-It sounds like Nate Robinson's going to Boston in some kind of swap for Eddie House (details still not ironed out). Hopefully this goes better than the last time the Celtics got a backup point guard who used to play for the Knicks. (Nate Robinson doesn't have a head tattoo does he? No? Good.)

-Finally, according to Chad Ford, "The Timberwolves also inquired about a possible Darko Milicic-for-Brian Cardinal deal." Holy shit, I love the NBA so much. The NBA -- Where Trading Null-Stars Happens.

Briefly going back to yesterday's post, according to the ESPN Daily Dime

"Dunleavy was a guest on the Fox Sports West broadcast of the Blazers vs. Clippers, and used the airtime to intimate that it's conceivable he just pulled off an amazingly lopsided trade -- because Camby could return to the Clippers as a free agent this summer."

Of course, the downfall to this plan is that Camby won't be much use next season after his stint with the Frail Blazers turns his knees into a mess of ripped cartilage and bone fragments.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Get the hell out of Phoenix, Amar''''e.
(And put on your glasses so the door doesn't detach your retina on the way out!)

Nice to see things are back to normal in Philly

"Hmm... I wonder what team I can hop to for my next one-year coaching stint..."

"Very nice, Yi! Good job pretending that guy was a chair!"

This is the look of a 33 point loss

I swear, AK47 gets scarier looking every single day

Suck it, Nate Robinson, Gerald Wallace, Shannon Brown, Eric Gordon, and DeMar DeRozan

"Alright, who said I looked like Stan Van Gundy's dad??"
Nationally Televised Games:
Suns at Mavericks: This is just unfair. How are the Mavs supposed to stop Jared Dudley and his historically athletic hands?


Damn. Those hands could stop Truck Norris.

All The Other Games:
Spurs at Pacers: Mike Dunleavy Jr. told the Pacers website "You can't worry about the playoffs." That's probably a good idea when you're 18-34. If you dwell on that, you'd better have the suicide hotline on speed dial.

Pistons at Magic: During the All-Star weekend, Dwight Howard set a Guinness record for the longest basketball shot made while sitting. Now, if only the Pumaman could figure out how to hit a jumper or execute anything resembling a post move...

Timberwolves at Wizards Generals Bullets: The Bullets are just one or two trades away from recreating the Eastern Conference Null-Stars in real life. There is no other reason to watch this game.

Grizzlies at Raptors: Toronto may no longer be the Craptors, but they are still averaging 104.6 PPG and 104.9 points against per game, and somehow have a 29-23 record. Mind-boggling.

Heat at Nyets: I apologize for last night's stat curse from the bottom of my heart. However, the dream is still alive!

Bulls at Bricks: Come on, New York. You've only got this one last chance to dump salary in ludicrous, season-killing trades. Do it! You can't hilariously screw up the LeBron/Bosh/Wade sweepstakes if you don't dump salary first!

Jazz at Hornets: Utah's won four straight road games. However, you know how we feel about the second night of a back-to-back, especially when those games are both on the road.

Rockets at Bucks: It seems like so long ago when Brandon Jennings was a manbeast, doesn't it? I don't understand. How could the epic high top fade haircut be working against him? It doesn't make any sense. It worked so well for Kid 'n' Play's career longevity!

Kings at Warriors: I'm just going to let Excremento Kings rookie Omri Casspi explain just how much of a trainwreck this team is right now by summarizing last night's game: "It was tough. I even made a free throw I tried to miss." That is, indeed, tough. You fail at failing, Omri.

Hawks at Clippers: Now, come on. How are the Hawks supposed to stop the newly-acquired powerhouse duo of Steve Blake and the kinda sorta injured Travis Outlaw?

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Nate Robinson