I would have posted a top post picture, but it's surprisingly hard to find a picture of people literally throwing fecal matter around inside of Staples Center. (3 prepositions in a row!)
I guess I'll start this post mentioning the shitty officials, hopefully to trick Lakers fans into hating the rest of this post after reading only one line. The officials were pretty much hand-selected to give the Suns an edge. (Joey Crawford has actually been good this year
, (nested parenthesis: except for Spurs games of course, haha) with a surprisingly low Home Foul Margin and fouls and techs called, and Mike Callahan
and Ed Malloy
called a very low ~18 fouls per game on the Suns, prior to last night). And while there were a few crappy calls either way, there were definitely more crappy calls on members of the Lakers.
For 3 quarters, at least.
The Lakers led by as many as 14 in the first half, but the Suns inexplicably whittled away at the lead to tie it at 90 heading into the final quarter. The Suns showed good aggression, and the officials called a pretty straight game in the 4th. The chance was open for the Suns to steal this game. Oh, and throughout the game, the Lakers still had defensive lapses, and allowed the Suns to score 112 on 49.4% shooting.
Okay, now that that's all out of the way, let's start the post.What the fuck, Steve Nash:
I will press this issue first, since I'm sure lots of talk today (and below) will involve Amar''''''e's suckage. Nash, did you just not learn anything from Game 1? It's like you intentionally adjusted NOTHING as he was repeatedly whimpering away from Gasol switches on pick and rolls, showing no defensive effort, making ill advised passes, and turning it over.
It's gotten to the point that I'd rather see Dragic in the game, since he's actually putting in some effort to challenge the defense, can keep the opposing Guards at bay, and doesn't make me feel every possession will end in a turnover. I don't care about your 2 MVPs, or how you played so well to set the tone against San Antonio. Steve Nash, you are playing like shit. Stop it.What the fuck, Alvin Gentry:
Good work having faith in your guys. Instead of trusting Grant Hill and Jared Dudley, you actually followed the dumb media suggestions to use Zone D and double Kobe. Well great. Kobe still gots his 21 points and a personal playoffs high 13 assists. (lol really? Wow, yeah really
.) And you open more space for Gasol to work down low, and leave Artest and the other Lakers scrubs to work their jump shots. How was this supposed to work again?
At least you were quick enough to pull Frye faster than D'Antoni would've. But later, when switching away from the first quarter zone nightmare, you put Dudley on Artest, and made a hot-shooting Jason Richardson waste his energy defending Kobe?? Can you honestly NOT see which lineups are actually working, or is he obliged to never call out Stoudemire since he makes the most money and the Suns organization wants to baby him to keep him this off-season? Alvin Gentry, you are coaching like shit. Stop it.What the fuck, Channing Frye:
Just another game for those split stats. 0-5, including 0-2 from downtown. What more is there to say? Your confidence is shot, and Nash's aforementioned shitty play-making isn't getting you back in rhythm. There's just nothing left to say about you. If you can't stop spraying fecal matter all over the place for these upcoming home games, the Suns are done.
In fact, you sucked so much, I'm embedding the lacktion report by chris
right in your section.
Woefully short Wednesday playoff lacktion report
Suns-Lakers: Channing Frye countered a board in 8:39 with 5 bricks, 4 fouls, and a giveaway for a 5:1 Voskuhl!
Channing Frye, you are shooting like shit. Stop it.What the fuck, Jason Richardson:
Well okay, you actually played pretty good. But the Suns NEED you to grab rebounds. It's too late to back out now. Jason, we've seen you rip down strong rebounds, and now we expect it and need it. Like honestly, look at the entire roster of the Suns. Who else even comes close to securely grabbing a board?
Also, this was pretty funny:
Jason Richardson, you are flopping like shit. Stop it.What the fuck, Jared Dudley:
Actually, you played really well too. But please don't foul out next time. And if Gentry is being stupid and suggesting help defending Kobe, grow some damn balls and tell him you can handle it. And if you're going for the steal or the offensive rebound, stop freaking the fuck out and secure the ball and get the ball to your point guard.
I think this was the only solid play you made, and was hardly even your fault:
Jared Dudley, you are "energy guy-ing" like shit. Stop it.What the fuck, Amar''''''e Stoudemire:
I'd rather keep this one as an open forum, since it's likely to be the hot topic of discussion today along with the words "lucky" and "your mom". But I'll breeze over the basics: 3 defensive rebounds, 5 turnovers, letting Odom go off on you again, and a defensive effort so bad, fans from cap space teams are praying they don't
get you, especially for a max contract.
Here's you, your audition, proving to your future team that you understand the concept of defending the pick-and-ro-...
Amar''''''e Stoudemire, you are playing and rebounding and defending like shit. Stop it. Actually, you are shit. Stop it.What the fuck, Phoenix Suns organization:
I wish I had documented how unhappy I was when STAT got his player of the month award, as many were spinning it as proof Kerr made the right choice at the trade deadline. Sure I've had my anti-Amar''''''e bias ever since he and his posse cut in front of my sister at a pizza place. But I refuse to follow another year of him. I will become an immediate fan of the best division rival of any team stupid enough to pay Amar''''''e the max. Phoenix Suns organization, this has been old news since 2005, but you are making decisions like shit. Stop it.What the fuck, Phoenix Suns:
This was your game to win. You had it tied going into the 4th. You had the officials helping you out. How could you let it get so out of hand, that the Lakers started running triangle post-up drills on you, and using Pau Gasol as point guard for the end of the game? You guys got clowned by the Lakers tonight. And no, I won't waste my time making the Kobe jutted-jaw-and-lower-teeth GIF, or the Kobe beat-up-that-beat-fist-which-kinda-looks-like-masturbation GIF, since I'm sure those will be playing nonstop on ESPN for the next 4 days.
But this one moment actually had me laughing (and maybe feeling straight up jealous of the Lakers for the first time in my life. For a split second.)
So now I've got a chance to goto Game 4 of the WCF, and instead of any hope in the team, I'll instead be hoping that I'm witnessing Amar''''''e's last home game as a Sun. Or last game before being a max contract Sun. Ughh. Is this even the same team that destroyed San Antonio?
The Phoenix Suns, you are playing this Western Conference Finals like shit. Stop it.
-a slightly bitter AnacondaHL
Labels: Amare Stoudemire, I freaking hate the Lakers, Los Angeles Lakers, Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash