It's like some kind of crazy combination of performance art and man love
Before we get started with BAD, I'd like to extend a get-well-soon wish to George Karl as he gets ready to fight another round of cancer. While it is thankfully fairly treatable, cancer is still a horrible, scary, life-altering ordeal, and I hope he gets through it as best as possible.

While I didn't have time to go back and do a Worst of the Night today, I HAVE been able to research plenty of trade rumors to make fun of while my Twitter page in the background constantly updates with more and more trade deadline talk.

Bad Trade of the Day:
I'm not going to bother sharing a fake trade today. Instead, I'm going to just remind of you of the possible real-life trades that could go down before tomorrow's trade deadline strikes at 3pm ET. Here are some of the big rumors (ignoring less interesting stuff like Bad Porn Maggette or Troy Murphy going to Cleveland)...

-Cleveland is the front-runner for Amar''''e Stoudemire, offering up Zydrunas Ilgauskas and JJ Hickson. Miami is said to be the other major player (which I'm sure Amar'''''e loves since he already lives part-time in Miami), but they don't seem to be willing to pay the price. They have yet to offer up Michael Beasley or any top draft picks. Then again, it's not like they have anything to offer. The Heat are D-Wade and a bunch of homeless people picked off the street to serve as his teammates. All I know is the Suns are apparently fairly serious about getting rid of Amar''''e, and that's a good thing since Amar''''e doesn't exactly feel wanted there. He has enough trouble playing with indifference as is. If he stays in Phoenix, he'll manage to give even less of a shit.

-The Bullets are in full rebuilding mode (as if they had any other options). They are apparently willing to deal Antawn Jamison in efforts to save some cash and avoid the luxury tax. The Crabs have shown interest (Jamison and Mike James for Big Z and Jamario Moon was one offer), but this one isn't looking very likely yet. I guess the Bullets are looking to acquire even more Null-Stars and probably are demanding Lacktion Brothers Darnell and Cedric Jackson are included in the swap.

-Knee-Mac trades are still a big story, despite the serious issue that, well, Knee-Mac sucks. He's been washed up for a couple years thanks to a deadly combination of old age, injuries, and being Tracy McGrady. (I mean, he's the cousin of Vinsanity. What do you really expect?) The Bricks are the biggest destination I've heard, but also the Bulls have been thrown out there. I would look deeper into it, but, eh.

-It sounds like Nate Robinson's going to Boston in some kind of swap for Eddie House (details still not ironed out). Hopefully this goes better than the last time the Celtics got a backup point guard who used to play for the Knicks. (Nate Robinson doesn't have a head tattoo does he? No? Good.)

-Finally, according to Chad Ford, "The Timberwolves also inquired about a possible Darko Milicic-for-Brian Cardinal deal." Holy shit, I love the NBA so much. The NBA -- Where Trading Null-Stars Happens.

Briefly going back to yesterday's post, according to the ESPN Daily Dime

"Dunleavy was a guest on the Fox Sports West broadcast of the Blazers vs. Clippers, and used the airtime to intimate that it's conceivable he just pulled off an amazingly lopsided trade -- because Camby could return to the Clippers as a free agent this summer."

Of course, the downfall to this plan is that Camby won't be much use next season after his stint with the Frail Blazers turns his knees into a mess of ripped cartilage and bone fragments.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Get the hell out of Phoenix, Amar''''e.
(And put on your glasses so the door doesn't detach your retina on the way out!)

Nice to see things are back to normal in Philly

"Hmm... I wonder what team I can hop to for my next one-year coaching stint..."

"Very nice, Yi! Good job pretending that guy was a chair!"

This is the look of a 33 point loss

I swear, AK47 gets scarier looking every single day

Suck it, Nate Robinson, Gerald Wallace, Shannon Brown, Eric Gordon, and DeMar DeRozan

"Alright, who said I looked like Stan Van Gundy's dad??"
Nationally Televised Games:
Suns at Mavericks: This is just unfair. How are the Mavs supposed to stop Jared Dudley and his historically athletic hands?


Damn. Those hands could stop Truck Norris.

All The Other Games:
Spurs at Pacers: Mike Dunleavy Jr. told the Pacers website "You can't worry about the playoffs." That's probably a good idea when you're 18-34. If you dwell on that, you'd better have the suicide hotline on speed dial.

Pistons at Magic: During the All-Star weekend, Dwight Howard set a Guinness record for the longest basketball shot made while sitting. Now, if only the Pumaman could figure out how to hit a jumper or execute anything resembling a post move...

Timberwolves at Wizards Generals Bullets: The Bullets are just one or two trades away from recreating the Eastern Conference Null-Stars in real life. There is no other reason to watch this game.

Grizzlies at Raptors: Toronto may no longer be the Craptors, but they are still averaging 104.6 PPG and 104.9 points against per game, and somehow have a 29-23 record. Mind-boggling.

Heat at Nyets: I apologize for last night's stat curse from the bottom of my heart. However, the dream is still alive!

Bulls at Bricks: Come on, New York. You've only got this one last chance to dump salary in ludicrous, season-killing trades. Do it! You can't hilariously screw up the LeBron/Bosh/Wade sweepstakes if you don't dump salary first!

Jazz at Hornets: Utah's won four straight road games. However, you know how we feel about the second night of a back-to-back, especially when those games are both on the road.

Rockets at Bucks: It seems like so long ago when Brandon Jennings was a manbeast, doesn't it? I don't understand. How could the epic high top fade haircut be working against him? It doesn't make any sense. It worked so well for Kid 'n' Play's career longevity!

Kings at Warriors: I'm just going to let Excremento Kings rookie Omri Casspi explain just how much of a trainwreck this team is right now by summarizing last night's game: "It was tough. I even made a free throw I tried to miss." That is, indeed, tough. You fail at failing, Omri.

Hawks at Clippers: Now, come on. How are the Hawks supposed to stop the newly-acquired powerhouse duo of Steve Blake and the kinda sorta injured Travis Outlaw?

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Nate Robinson

Nightmare fuel
So, it's Mardi Gras. And yet I'm stuck looking at snow for either the 11th, 12th, or 13th consecutive day (I lost count. Sigh.) Meanwhile, our head writer/editor is in a warm weather climate, drinking until most of his fine motor skills cease to function properly. No, I'm not bitter, why do you ask?

It's the first night of NBA games since the All-Star break. Let's get to it.

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Today's trade is, sadly, a real trade.
Frail Blazers receive: Marcus Camby
Clippers receive: Steve Blake, Travis Outlaw, $1.5mil cash, and Portland will be responsible for $2mil in Camby's incentives

Portland is obviously delighted to get a big man to help fill in the gap created by injuries to Greg Oden and Joel Pryzbilla (and no, Juwan Howard's mummified remains aren't a very reliable stopgap). However, this trade is just an abomination from the Clippers' point of view.

Marcus Camby did not want to be traded, and the Clippers did not inform him in advance that they were going to move him. And even worse, what exactly does LA stand to gain from this trade? A backup point guard, and someone who has been injured this season. Shouldn't a 7-footer who is a reasonable defender and excellent rebounder be a fairly prized commodity? Shouldn't you be able to set his value pretty high just by waiting a little closer to the deadline and negotiating deals between several different teams?

Oh, wait. As noted by Bill Simmons, the $1.5 million in cash "covers 55% of Sterling's racial discrimination settlement." So there you go. Now the trade makes perfect sense!

(And isn't it nice just to see Mike Dumbleavy continuing to bring us bawful entertainment even if he isn't coaching anymore?)

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

Dirk and Kaman get ready for the junior prom
(via Steve Nash)

Can somebody tell me why Clutch wasn't in the Celebrity Game playing alongside Chris Tucker?
Nationally Televised Games:
Suns at Grizzlies: I don't give a crap about this game. I just want to see what team gets suckered into taking Amar''''e and gives him a max contract he doesn't deserve. The sooner, the better!

All The Other Games:
Heat at 76ers: Bad news: the Heat have dropped six straight in Philly. Good news? Iverson's back, so Philly can now go back to losing games.

Nyets at Bobcats: Come on, 4-49! Come on, 4-49!

Timberwolves at Pistons: I have to quote this preview because it made me laugh: "With a sub-.500 record, the Detroit Pistons find themselves in an atypical position coming out of the All-Star break. There's nothing unusual about the Minnesota Timberwolves having a losing record at All-Star weekend, though."

Knicks at Bulls: Rose is tight and sore after playing in the All-Star game while hurt, and Joakim Noah still is battling plantar fasciitis. New York is still battling a case of being the Knicks, so that kinda balances things out.

Mavericks at Thunder: Will Dallas benefit from the Caron Butler trade (which helped further turn the Bullets into a real-life version of our Null-Star team)? This is our first chance to see if it helps them remember how to play defense.

Jazz at Rockets: Rumors have Knee-Mac getting shipped to New York. I'm sure the Rockets players will be on Cloud 9 and will play their asses off in this game if the trade suddenly goes down this afternoon.

Clippers at Frail Blazers: I like how the Clippers/Blazers trade happened when the Clips were already in Portland. It saved Donald Sterling a few bucks in long distance phone charges, and I'm sure he appreciates that.

Celtics at Kings: It has now been one year since Kevin Garnett jacked up his knee and began Boston's gradual decline. Excuse me while I go drink until I can't feel feelings.

Warriors at Lakers: Ellis an Maggette both are questionable at best for this game. At what point do we have to start pulling random fans out of the stands to fill the bench for the Warriors?

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Chris Kaman, Dirk Nowitzki, Donald Sterling, Mike Dunleavy Sr.

Is Mark Cuban ready for his appearance in the Celebrity Game?
OH YEAAAAAAAAH
(Via Andy Gray's SI Vault)
It's All-Star Weekend! Yes, it's that special time when teams get a few days off to reflect on how screwed they are this year and next because they're saddled with awful contracts (I'm looking at you, Eddy Curry)

If you haven't already done so, make sure you check out our 2010 Null-Star Game post, complete with video of an entire game full of lacktion. It's probably more entertaining than any of the stuff that'll be on TNT Saturday.

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Despite popular opinion, Mike T would like you to know that Joe Dumars is an evil genius:

Little did John Hollinger know that Joe Dumars was thinking 18 steps ahead when he drafted Darko ahead of Melo and traded Chauncey for the Canswer.

His plan all along was to overpay Rip, Charlie V and Ben Gordon so that their contracts added up to within $4,912 of the combined contracts of Chauncey and Melo.

Dumars planned all along to let Melo mature as a player and then let him play with Chauncey for awhile until they were familiar with each other and then, and only then, would he make the move to get them in a package deal.

This trade adds 15 wins to Detroit and takes 18 wins from Denver. In the coming days, Dumars will once again prove that he is the best GM who ever lived. Shame on all of us for questioning him and suggesting that he lucked out on many of his past moves or saying that he only won with Larry Brown's team.

If my prediction does not come true by the trade deadline, it will only be because Dumars has justifiably decided to be frugal and save his owner the additional $4,912 that they would have to pay Melo and Chauncey in this deal.

Navin had the brilliant idea to work Ricky Davis into a trade involving Curry and Darko:

Cleveland valiantly tries to reconstruct the 2007 Cavs (plus Ricky Davis playing the role of the Ghost of LeBron's Past Crappy Teams) with this mega-trade.

Don't laugh, this was a team that went to the Finals!

Oh, and Shaq goes to the Bricks for Eddy "I wonder if the ball is edible" Curry and Darko "I'm Better than Melo" Milicic.

Somehow this only costs the Cavs one win.

Hogey brings us breaking news of a fake trade:

In breaking news, Isaiah Thomas has placed a bomb in Madison Square Garden and has threatened to blow it up if he is not given another chance as GM of the storied franchise.

Isaiah reportedly phoned James Dolan to issue the threat this morning, telling Mr Dolan that the Knicks' plan to lure Lebron James away from Cleveland was "fool's gold" and that cap space was "worthless if you can't fill it".

Isaiah claims to have already brokered a trade that he believes "will make the Knicks relevant again, effective immediately, by acquiring a dominant post threat and an elite point guard."

Our sources indicate that this is the trade:

Knicks get: Elton Brand (dominant post threat), Gilbert Arenas (elite point guard)
Wizards get: Larry Hughes (Welcome back Larry!!)
Philadelphia gets: Nate Robinson (Iverson 2.0?) and Eddy Curry (a fantastic replacement for Brand)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Stan Van Gundy Caption This!
(Why is it every single SVG pic demands a caption contest?)

High five!

So, when did they replace Gregg Popovich with Donald Sutherland?

And you thought Tim Duncan was the only Spur with awesome faces

Okay, I have no idea what the Cavs bench is doing here

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Celebrity Game, 7pm ET, ESPN: The poor man's version of the MTV Rock 'n' Jock game. We will get to see Mark Cuban participate. Also, we will get to see Michael Rapaport deluded into thinking he's a "celebrity" once again.

Rookie/Sophomore Game, 9pm ET, TNT: At halftime, we will be treated to the Slam Dunk-In. Think of it like the play-in game for the 64th seed in the NCAA March Madness tournament. Possibly exciting, but ultimately completely and totally irrelevant.

NBA D-League Dream Factory Friday Night, 10ET, NBA.com live stream: "An innovative skills competition modeled after the popular NBA All-Star Saturday Night..." You know, except less good.

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
NBA D-League All-Star Game, 3pm ET, NBATV: Yay?

H.O.R.S.E. presented by Geico, 7pm ET, TNT: From what I understand, they won't be playing with the letters "G-E-I-C-O" this year. I can't decide if this makes it more or less awesome. Then again, this year's competitors are Rajon Rondo, Omri Casspi, and last year's winner Kevin Durant, so I'm not that giddy with anticipation anyhow. To knock Rondo out, they just have to shoot jumpers or free throws... (Seriously, Rondo, I love your game, but learn to shoot, man!)

Haier Shooting Stars competition, 8:30 ET, TNT: Different shots from different locations? It's like a grown-up version of those pop-a-shot arcade machines where the backboard and rim move! Can you win tickets and redeem them for awesome cheaply-made prizes?

Taco Bell Skills Challenge, 8:30 ET, TNT: Despite what you might think, making it to the toilet on-time after a surprise case of the runs is not part of the Taco Bell skills challenge.

Foot Locker Three-Point Contest, 8:30 ET, TNT: Bring Larry Bird out of retirement to defend his title and then I'll definately tune in. Come on, NBA, there's still time to do it!

Sprite Slam Dunk, 8:30 ET, TNT: Your competitors? Nate Robinson, Gerald Wallace, Shannon Brown, Eric Gordon, and DeMar DeRozan. You know, just in case you had any lingering thoughts that the dunk contest might somehow still be relevant.

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
NBA All-Star Game, 8pm ET, TNT: The best part of this game? The Eastern Conference coach will be Stan Van Gundy. That roughly triples the entertainment value of this game.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day

"Hey! That's not a chair I'm posting up! Aaaah!
Make sure you block out some time tomorrow to pay us a visit. We've got a special treat planned to help celebrate the All-Star weekend. In the meantime, it's Thursday TNT Night BAD.

Odds are he's lying through his teeth again, but Rick Pitino claims the rumor that he's contacted the Nyets about coaching them is false. Now, my question: if Rick Pitino isn't walking through that door to the IZOD Center, where do I put in my application? I mean, what qualifications could they possibly have for the next Nyets coach? (Wait, you mean I would have to spend a significant amount of time in Jersey? Screw that!)

Bawful Trade of the Day:
(Sorry, a little short on time today, can't really give the details or analysis of these trades)
darkcoupon continues a tradition I always enjoy -- making fun of how traditionally white the Pacers are.

Bawful trade while waiting for the Super Bowl kickoff...I wanted to fix the Jazz's "dumb European white guy" problem, but in the process I may have made Indiana the whitest team in the league.

Stockton brings us a trade involving Darko Milicic AND Kwame Brown. What's not to love?

Trade details
The Knicks get the defense of Amare, the youth of wallace and the technique of Kwame. That will for sure lure Lebron!

Pistons get Darko (he should have never left) and another sharpshooter, in the person Mobley (does he even play?)

Suns get Villanueva and Lee... hey, this could work for them... it WOULD be an upgrade! well, can't win them all.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

For the last time, Peja, this is NOT soccer!

And you wonder why we call him the Pumaman...

OM NOM NOM NOM

Sasha Vujacic - Professional Basketball Player

Why is it that every single picture of Don Nelson includes him either looking disheveled, looking confused, looking overweight, and/or greeting one of his former players?

Poor Marcus Camby

"Hey, didn't I tell you to go order me some more collarless black shirts and gray suits?! I'm on my fourth one of the week!

Nationally Televised Games:
Magic at Crabs: Cleveland can tie its franchise record of 13 consecutive wins tonight. If the Illusionist aren't hitting the three, the Crabs got a good shot of building that winning streak. Shaq may not be able to do much anymore beyond wrapping himself in Icy Hot patches and waddling around like a mummy, but he can shut down the Pumaman fairly well.

Spurs at Nuggets: This Spurs team is a mess. Watching Richard Jefferson play makes me want to break something. It's a good thing they've got a few days off thanks to the All Star break. Several of the team members will be exhausted from flipping through their latest AARP magazine.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Dwight Howard, Yi Jianlian's chair

Alright, it's Wednesday. We're halfway through the week. I can't wait for this week to end -- you're going to be in for a real treat when we celebrate the All Star weekend.

In the meantime, it's another Double Team edition of BAD. Chris wrote some of the game previews, and I wrote the others. Yay! Less work for me!

Quick Footbawful crossover... The most unintentionally comedic item I've seen all day (thanks to Deadspin for sharing it) has to be this article about how the Saints are evil for attempting an onside kick and should burn in hell. (Okay, maybe I extrapolated a little there, but that's the direction the article was already going). Also, I love how the author chooses to ignore the fact that if Hank Baskett simply caught the ball that was kicked right to him, the Colts would have been given excellent field position (30+ yards better than if the Saints had done a regular or even squib kick).

Oh, and how could I forget? As passed along by Matt McHale: Technical Writer, you must see Lamar Odom starring in the greatest commercial of all time.


Now, we of course have to wonder... if Darryl Dawkins gets ahold of these PowerBar Energy Blasts, will he bypass Lovetron and dunk on an even more badass planet in another solar system?

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Couple of trades this time around. Basketbawful reader matt had this suggestion:

I tried this trade just for pure ridiculousness:

Heat acquire: Luke Walton and Lamar Odom
Raptors acquire: Ron Artest, Derek Fisher, and Jordan Farmar
Crabs acquire: Josh Powell, Adam Morrison, Sasha Vujacic, DJ Mbenga, Shannon Brown
Lakers acquire: LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade

Send LO back to the Heat, relegate Artest and the Lakers' struggling point guards to Siberia...er, Canada, and put Josh Powell, Ammo, the Machine and DJ Mbenga with the Lacktion Jacksons to let the Cavs field an ultimate lineup of suck.

But of course the highlight of this trade is sending the big name free agents in Bosh, Wade and James to the Lakers. Somehow this increases the Lakers win total by 8. Seems little if you think of the talent that's coming there but seems like a lot if you consider that the Lakers will only have a 6 man roster, not rotation, roster.

What do you guys think?

CaptainHomeless brings us this trade suggestion:

Here is my entry for a supremely Bawful Trade. The goal was to remove the best player and franchise centerpiece from arguably the three best teams in the league, and stick them someplace terrible from a publicity standpoint.

Bobcats acquire: Kobe, Lebron, and Dwight Howard
Lakers acquire: Shaq
Crabs acquire: Desagana Diop, Tyson Chandler, Gerald Wallace, and Stephen Jackson
Magic acqure: Nazr Mohammed and Boris Diaw

Gains the Charlotte Bobcats -- a team with pitiful attendance and massive financial problems, stuck in a tiny market where no one cares about them -- some amazing star power ... but somehow only nine more wins. Despite that fact, I suspect the six Bobcats fans out there are thinking "Yes, please."

Reunites Shaq with LA and costs them 11 wins in the process.

Absolutely devastates the Cavaliers in all ways.

And somehow improves Orlando by one game!

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

If you find this position intriguing and would like to know how it can further be useful, I suggest Googling Sasha Grey or Tori Black
(WARNING -- Doing such a search is EXTREMELY NSFW, but also extremely awesome. You're welcome.)

One word: shart

The Timberwolves and the 76ers. The NBA -- it's Faaaaaantastic!

Alright D-Wade, I know you beat up on the Rockets pretty bad, but I don't think it's quite time to be getting sized for a ring yet...

"Tayshaun, you smell... manly..."

Nationally Televised Games:
Celtics at Hornets: As much as CP3's injury has set New Orleans back, at least most of their roster hasn't started collecting Social Security yet. And hey, CP3 won his charity bowling tournament that was recently aired on ESPN (tape delayed by a couple months, of course). So he's got that going for him, which is nice.

All The Other Games:
Heat at Hawks: Today's magic number: 5. The number of consecutive home gams won by Atlanta? Five. The number of consecutive games the Heat have lost in Atlanta? Five. The number of times I thought about making a reference to Subway's current "Five Dollar Footlong" marketing campaign but couldn't find a way to connect it to either team? Five.

76ers at Raptors: Chris Bosh is playing out of his mind and has the Dinos one win away tying their franchise mark for wins before the All-Star break. Too bad he'll be in (insert city where LeBron's playing) next year.

Bucks at Nyets: Milwaukee's four games under .500. The Nyets are also familiar with the number four - the total amount of wins they have this season. Ladies and gentlemen, the Basketbafwul Game Of The Night!

Kings at Pistons: After catching the Knicks in a bout of catatonia late last night, the Purple Paupers get to travel to Oakland County and meet up with a team of rather similar characteristics - a 30+ loss squad with a suburban arena built in 1988. Well, similar except one barn is essentially a barn, and the other is called "The Palace" for good reason.

Magic at Bulls: Vinsanity on his 48 point effort against the Hornets: "It was a great feeling." Is that right? You mean actually giving a shit for a change and trying felt good? What a shocking revelation!

Bobcats at Timberwolves: Well, glad to see the Timberpoops have finally fallen back down to Earth and are back to their losing ways. Whew. I was worried for a little while there. I thought somebody had divided by zero or something.

Frail Blazers at Suns: With Brandon Roy out, the Blazers have now dropped 8 of 12 games. Turns out Nate McMillan's the larger the injured-reserve list is, the more wins we get" strategy can only work for so long. Who knew?

Lakers at Jazz: Word is Bynum's out for this game. Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't the Lakers trade for Will Bynum so he can be subbed in whenever Andrew Bynum gets hurt. Great idea, right? Right...? *crickets*

Clippers at Warriors: The West Coast Bawful Game of The Night!? Will Steve Novak lack it up again for Kim Hughes? About the only drama worth tuning in for.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Lamar Odom is flying to Saturn with a rocket pack, Vince Carter

Hey, I recognize that lighting... I guess The Running Man was set in the post-apocalyptic Staples Center
I don't know about you, but I'm still in shock over Vinsanity's rise from the grave. Is it possible that he's really a zombie? Anyway, it's Tuesday night BAD.

Yeah, it's college and not pro ball, but you need to see this super ugly free throw attempt. Even Chuck Hayes laughs at this.

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Just one trade for you today (sorry, I was busy working on a project last night. You'll see what I mean later), but it's a good one. Hogey brings us the Detroit Rebuilding Plan. Genius:

Here's my bawful trade of the day:

Pistons acquire: Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson and Adam Morrison
Lakers acquire: Tayshaun Prince and DJ Augustin
Charlotte acquires: Rip Hamilton and a 2010 lottery protected 1st rounder from the Pistons.

Why the Pistons do it: What, you need a reason other than giving fans the opportunity to relive the 2004 Malice in the Palace 41 times a year?? Ok, well… Hollinger says this trade nets them +7 wins. The Pistons would also save $3m this year, which gets them under the luxury tax.

So that's a net saving of roughly $6m PLUS the Pistons would share in the money coming in from teams over the tax. Plus think of all the people who would buy an Artest/Jackson Pistons jersey, you can sign me up for one of each right now.

Why the Lakers do it: Prince is a rangy defender who is saner than Artest and more willing to play within a system. He's also a $10m expiring contract next year. Their main motivation though is acquiring a younger point guard who can hit 3's. Augustin fits the bill.

Why Charlotte does it: Hard to justify this given Jackson has been such a great pick up for them, I admit. But, Hamilton is a Larry Brown guy, Augustin was on his way out and a Pistons number 1, even with 2010 lottery protection, stands to be pretty decent for a team with a lack of talent.

Ok, ok, better reason, Phil Jackson used his zen powers to convince MJ that seeing Dumars in agony one more time would be worth the small sacrifice that would be required on MJ's part.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Caption This!
Post your best captions in the comments
edit: Courtesy of AnacondaHL:


Maybe if I frown really hard, my team will play some defense!

Nationally Televised Games:
Thunder at Frail Blazers: I honestly can't figure out how Portland keeps winning games. All I know is that this game could be very interesting however if Durant continues to be hotter than a Ford Tempo with a busted radiator.

All The Other Games:
Nyets at Crabs: The Crustaceans will break the tie for most consecutive wins by an Association team this year if they beat the Nyets tonight. Will it happen? The suspense is killing me.

Bulls at Pacers: Despite the fact that Conseco Fieldhouse may be one of the least intimidating venues imaginable, the Bulls simply can't win there. A 3-17 record there since it opened in '99? Seriously, guys. Come on.

Timberwolves at 76ers: Iverson's missed the past three games, so that helps explain the four-game winning streak by the Sixers. However, I am at a complete and total loss to explain the Timberpoops' sudden rise from unfathomable suckiness to mediocrity.

Wizards Generals Bullets at Bobcats: The Bobcats have looked pretty turrible lately. By comparison, the Bullets just plain are turrible. And that's that.

Rockets at Heat: Dwyane Wade's shooting funk continues... and that means the Heat keep on losing. Bad things happen in the long run when your team relies too heavily on one person to run the entire offense, and this is just continuing proof.

Kings at Knicks: The only time in the past ten days either of these teams has won? The Bricks took down the Bullets at home. That's it. Yeah... that's definately Basketbawful Game of the Night territory.

Pistons at Bucks: The bad news? The Pistons have only won two of their last eight games. The worse news? Both were against the Nyets. Ruh roh.

Hawks at Grizzlies: Memphis has been on a skid, but Atlanta's a decidedly average-at-best road team. If I had to pick one of these teams at gunpoint, I'd just ask if you could just go ahead and shoot me in the leg instead of forcing me to gamble my life on the winner.

Mavericks at Nuggets: I hope none of the Mavericks get pulled over and have to say the alphabet as part of a sobriety test. "A... B... C... uh... E... F..."

Jazz at Clippers: So, how's that Kim Whatshisface coaching experiment going? I miss Mike Dunleavy already. They were equally awful, but at least Dunleavy was entertaining...

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Phil Jackson

Hey everyone, it's Lacktion Chris stepping in for the usuals for this middling Monday of basketball activity. (Or, considering there are only three games, is that lacktivity I sense?!) WOO! Pacers basketball!!!

"Didn't you just get in trouble with the law or something?"
"For the last time, man, I'm not Gary Coleman!"

The Birdman without 8 pounds of hair product... Yeah, still weird

A tribute to failure and shame

Oh yeah. And that Lebron guy added as a throw-in is pretty decent too.

Now on to the game previews...

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Zaza Pachulia

Mike Dunleavy could use these words of advice from The Big Motivator
(h/t Big Bad Carter AKA Greg)
We're bringing the double-team on you again this weekend. I've got the top half, and Chris has written up our game previews.

It's Super Bowl weekend! I just don't really care all that much. I want to not like Indianapolis, but it's hard to not like Peyton Manning. And I didn't really care about the Saints before this season, but they're a fun team and it'd be nice to see them win the Super Bowl too. There needs to be a more good/evil type of game for the Super Bowl to really be interesting in my opinion. Or if the Steelers are playing.

Okay, maybe I should clarify so I don't sound like a crappy bandwagon fan. I'm not from Pittsburgh, I've never been there, I don't really care that much about the city itself. However, I am a Steelers fan. My dad became a Steelers fan during the Steel Curtain era 70s, and therefore I was raised watching them. Watching all of those games with my dad... it became our team. I even somehow survived the Kordell Stewart era, but it wasn't easy (Thank God I was too young to remember the Bubby Brister era). Also, coincidentally, I'm also a Pittsburgh Penguins fan. In their case, I already liked the energetic, exciting team in the 1999-2000 area, but I totally bandwagoned on when Mario Lemieux came out of retirement. It's hard not to root for one of the absolute best players ever coming back from cancer, right? I even stuck by them through the Dark Ages of Lemieux injuries and people like Milan Kraft, Randy Robitaille, and Dan Focht playing significant minutes. It was a black hole of failure and sadness the likes of which I hadn't seen since each and every Detroit Lions season in the past decade or five. (Thank God for Crosby, Malkin, Fleury, Staal, Talbot, etc)

But, uh, anyway... go Colts and/or Saints!

Planning on driving to a Super Bowl party this weekend? Better check the weather before hitting the road. Pressed for time and need just a quick summary? Family Guy fans should use this site. Thanks, Ollie.

Mike Dumbleavy Memorial:
It is a time of mourning here at Basketbawful. As noted in the Worst of the Night, Mike Dunleavy has agreed to step down as head coach of the Clippers. While we are ecstatic that he will continue to be the General Manager, and therefore likely to follow some of the trade advice offered in our Bad Trades feature, we are deeply saddened that we will no longer see him on the sidelines. Looking sad, looking angry, looking confused, looking confused some more, and looking confused again for good measure provided golden opportunity for photographic evidence of the failure of the Clippers. We need to honor this. Please help us find all the best Dunleavy pictures we can get. Post them in the comments, or you may e-mail them to Bawful or to me. Next week, we will post a special pictorial retrospective of Dunleavey's coaching career with The Other L.A. Team.

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Lots of trades because it's the weekend, and also because it'd be just mean to only share one per day.
Trade #1
Here's a four-team painfest from reader Mike T:

Crabs (+5 wins) receive: Boozer and Okur
Jazz (-11 wins) receive: Bonner, Nash, Robin Lopez
Suns (-6 wins) receive: Shaq, Ginobili
Spurs (-7 wins) receive: Amar'''''e
"I wanted to send Boozer to Cleveland, Shaq to Phoenix, Amar'eee to San Antonio and Ginobili to Phoenix since all of those fan bases have reason to hate the player they are acquiring. In the process I was also able to send 3 white guys to Utah. I was amazed that this was successful."

So wrong, yet so right. Great bad trade, Mike T.

Trade #2
Stockton contributed this gem, which I like almost as much as his namesake:

Bricks (+9 wins) receive: Devin Harris, Brook Lopez, Tony Battie, Chairman Yi, and Bobby Simmons
Nyets (-9 wins) receive: Eddy Curry, Cuttino Mobley, Darko Milicic, and Jordan Hill
"Nets projected to win less 9 with this trade. This would means they would finish with a 82/-1 record or something?"

Close. They'll alter the schedule so the Nyets can play a bunch of extra games against the Globetrotters or a local high school team or something just so they can validate taking on Eddy Curry's obscenely huge contract.

Trade #3
Alex brings us a whitewash:

Pacers (-27 wins) receive: Korver, Ridnour, Alexander, Gadzuric, and four trade exceptions
Bucks (+3 wins) receive: Ford, Granger, Price, Koufos
Jazz (+4 wins) receive: Solomon Jones, Dahntay Jones, Dorell Wright, Hibbert, Cook
Heat (-2 wins) receive: Rush, Watson, Head
"it took a little effort, but i was not only able to make the pacers a team made of only non-international white guys, but also made them 10 wins worse. so proud."

I'm proud of you, too.

Bonus trade #1
In a last-second entry before I finished this post, Wolfe delivered pure gold:

Hawks (-1 win) receive: Steve Novak, Darnell Jackson, Fabricio Oberto, Cedric Jackson, Sebastian Telfair, Ricky Davis
Crabs (+0 wins)receive Jason Collins
BUllets (+0 wins) receive Maurice Evans
Clippers (+0 wins) receive Mike Bibby
"It would let the Hawks to start next line up:

G: Cedric "Lacktion II: Electric Boogaloo" Jackson
SG: Mario West
SF: Steve Novak
PF: Darnell Lacktion Jackson
C: Faboulous Fabricio Oberto

Coach: Chris.

I'd rather prefer to form this team on the Clippers, but you can't trade Mario, and you must have Mario in a real Most-Lacktator-ever team."

Hard to argue with that.

Bonus trade #2
Basketbawful reader Kevin King shares this gem (sorry, no link to the trade):

Washington Bullets: (+2 wins) receive: Andre Miller, Vanilla Godzilla

Boston Celtics: (+7 wins) receive: Greg Oden, Martell Webster (who?) (I tried to put in Roy, but it kept coming up as a trade fail, even the Trade Machine isn't that stupid)

Portland FrailBlazers: (-18 wins) receive: Gilbert Arenas, Javaris Crittenton, Rasheed Wallace, Brian Scalabrine (becaue we all want to see a pasty white guy hang out with real thugs)

"Wallace can teach a new generation (Arenas/Crittenton) how to handle their pro basketball careers while still having constant run-ins with the law. P.S. Losing two players that don't even play anymore has somehow given the Bullets two more wins on the season."

No offense Portland fans (I enjoy watching your team, seriously), but the rebirth of the Jail Blazers is hard to pass up. And I'm not exactly sure how Greg Oden's prehistoric knees help Boston, but I'm just going to assume Hollinger's advanced metrics are screwing us again. Fair assumption? Fair assumption.

Bonus trade #3
In honor of the Clippers losing head coach Mike Dunleavy to give him more free time to screw up the team with bad trades and free agency signings, here's a trade suggestion from, well, me.

Clippers (-11 wins) receive: Adam Morrison, Sasha Vujacic, DJ Mbenga, Luke Walton, Eddy Curry, Chris Duhon, and Darko Milicic
Lakers (+6 wins) receive: Blake Griffin, Marcus Camby, Eric Gordon, and a trade exception
Bricks( +8 wins) receive: Chris Kaman and Baron Davis.

This seems logical to Mike Dunleavy, right?

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"Damnit! My Rogaine regimen isn't working!"

"You hit a 3, Little Buddy? Aww! That's so cute!"

Sad D-Wade is sad. :(

The Big Respect Machine

A Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson sighting! A rare find.
Now I'll hand it off to Chris for the game previews...

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Bulls-Hawks: The Bulls are rapidly becoming the bipolar team of the month - they have trouble with bawful teams (as evidenced with The Comeback and with those losses to the Nyets and Clippers), but look great against over-500 squads. So this should play right into Vinnie Smallz's hands!

Nuggets-Lakers: If Lord Mamba chooses to play hurt for this game, could we see another SWAC-worthy 5-point performance like the one he dropped on the Bobcats?

All The Other Friday Games:
Bullets-Magic: Even if the illusionists from Orlando aren't entirely convincing as contenders, a visit from the beleaguered Beltway dwellers should provide a ho-hum addition to the win column.

Pistons-Pacers: Hey everybody, it's the highly unanticipated rematch of the two squads from the Malice at the Palace. Possibly the Bawful Game Of The Night by default, though certainly a great choice for curing insomnia.

Nyets-Celtics: The Truth, like KG, is the latest to qualify for Medicare in Beantown...but how can anyone tell when they're coming up against a team showing fewer signs of life than Jimmy Hoffa?

BTW, since Devin Harris's infamous stat curse, the ruble-rousers are now 27-84 (meaning they have lost more games than an entire season's worth of ball in that timespan!). I would be far from shocked if it was 24-85 after this visit to the TDGaaahden.

Bucks-Knicks: Milwaukee's 13 games under .500 on the road, but the Knicks are two games under .500 at MSG. Something's gotta give...I think.

Rockets-Grizzlies: Z-Bo, All-Star...has the Grizzlies matching Houston's hobbled record so far, so that 75% winning percentage at FedEx Forum should bode well for the man who has graduated out of the Basketbawful banner.

Sixers-Hornets: Even without CP3, I doubt the Cancer's new "devotion to team play" will change the fact that this game was probably decided the moment Elton Brand cashed his first bloated paycheck.

Wolves-Mavs: Remember when everyone predicted that the Timberpoops would be right up with the Nyets for record-setting bawful? With Minnesota amazingly making it to 11 wins so far, I guess Coach Clothesline can accomplish a few small miracles once in a while.

Suns-Kings: So let me guess, the Paupers will lead by 15 at the half, then go down by 10 with 2 minutes to go with the help of Mr. Discount Store's recurring blue light special for masonry...then have Tyreke the Freak lead them to another two-point loss? It's not like the month and a quarter since The Comeback has provided anything different.


Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Heat-Bulls: Two teams who cannot decide if they are good or not will match up in a battle to prove which one is more mediocre! D-Wade and Derrick Rose must really be loving the Leastern Conference right about now...

All The Other Saturday Games:
Hornets-Bobcats: George Shinn will be in attendance, right? Ahem, guess not.

Hawks-Bullets: The dirty birds won't have to worry too much if they're going to be riddled by mostly blanks and paintballs in the Phonebooth.

Knicks-Crabs: So now the 'bockers are going to go to the Q and audition themselves once again for King Crab, and this time with the ENDORSEMENT OF ZEKE HIMSELF! What, they couldn't have called up someone with a more positive legacy to sell Manhattan to Bron-Bron, someone like Big Snacks or Allan Houston's contract?

Nyets-Pistons: Hey, Oakland County might be the one place where the Nyets have some hope of winning...just as folks at Mat's alma mater had hope he was the next Big Voskuhl! Yeah.

Grizzlies-Wolves: With the baby cubs in the midst of a playoff push, Z-Bo must love the chance to feast on such sucktacularity in Minneapolis.

Sixers-Rockets: In the highly unanticipated battle of Teams Charles Barkley Used To Play For, the chances of Clutch the Bear doing a victory jig are slightly higher than the chances that Clutch's "rejected fan wedding proposal" video was staged!

Pacers-Bucks: It's a matchup that screams "Mid-Market 1970s" doesn't it?

Nuggets-Jazz: Ever since Dan declared the Jazz as one of the bipolar teams in the Association, well...they've gotten hot, and they've won 75% of their home games, so Melo and Chauncey will have it a bit tough at the EnergySolutions Arena.

Lakers-Frail Blazers: So far, the Frail Blazers seeming secret to success is to continue racking up the medical bills while putting in an increasingly aging set of bench players (I'm talking about you, Juwan Howard) back into the fray. With Kobe still not at 100%, the Rose Garden may yet again be a thorn in the side of Phil Jackson.

Spurs-Clippers: Before Dumbleavy's self-dismissal as coach, this matchup would have resembled a coaching battle between Einstein and a stick. Now, with Kim Hughes coming in to save the day for Staples Center's third tenant...well...I think the analogy still applies, doesn't it? Who of average-to-above-average mind would voluntarily coach the Clippers anyway?

Thunder-Warriors: Just like Brandon Jennings earlier this year, Kevin Durant has an opportunity here to set personal scoring records, what with the residents of The Oracle being allergic to protecting their own backcourt due to their Nellieball infections.


Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Magic-Celtics: So The Truth supposedly wants to be back in the fold by this game...but with he and KG amongst others finding their creaky bones not up to snuff for the rigors of professional basketball, Pumaman won't even have to learn a new post move to rack up the points in the paint!

All The Other Sunday Games:
Kings-Raptors: Canada may still be tangentially attached to royalty, but Mr. Discount Store crying for foul calls hardly resembles Henry the VIII's marriage denunciations.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Mike Dunleavy Sr.