20100209-phil-jackson
Hey, I recognize that lighting... I guess The Running Man was set in the post-apocalyptic Staples Center

I don't know about you, but I'm still in shock over Vinsanity's rise from the grave. Is it possible that he's really a zombie? Anyway, it's Tuesday night BAD.

Yeah, it's college and not pro ball, but you need to see this super ugly free throw attempt. Even Chuck Hayes laughs at this.

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Just one trade for you today (sorry, I was busy working on a project last night. You'll see what I mean later), but it's a good one. Hogey brings us the Detroit Rebuilding Plan. Genius:
Here's my bawful trade of the day:

Pistons acquire: Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson and Adam Morrison
Lakers acquire: Tayshaun Prince and DJ Augustin
Charlotte acquires: Rip Hamilton and a 2010 lottery protected 1st rounder from the Pistons.

Why the Pistons do it: What, you need a reason other than giving fans the opportunity to relive the 2004 Malice in the Palace 41 times a year?? Ok, well… Hollinger says this trade nets them +7 wins. The Pistons would also save $3m this year, which gets them under the luxury tax.

So that's a net saving of roughly $6m PLUS the Pistons would share in the money coming in from teams over the tax. Plus think of all the people who would buy an Artest/Jackson Pistons jersey, you can sign me up for one of each right now.

Why the Lakers do it: Prince is a rangy defender who is saner than Artest and more willing to play within a system. He's also a $10m expiring contract next year. Their main motivation though is acquiring a younger point guard who can hit 3's. Augustin fits the bill.

Why Charlotte does it: Hard to justify this given Jackson has been such a great pick up for them, I admit. But, Hamilton is a Larry Brown guy, Augustin was on his way out and a Pistons number 1, even with 2010 lottery protection, stands to be pretty decent for a team with a lack of talent.

Ok, ok, better reason, Phil Jackson used his zen powers to convince MJ that seeing Dumars in agony one more time would be worth the small sacrifice that would be required on MJ's part.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

20100208-van-gundy-vinsanity
Caption This!
Post your best captions in the comments

edit: Courtesy of AnacondaHL:
vince stan ref

20100208-rick-carlisle Maybe if I frown really hard, my team will play some defense!


Nationally Televised Games:
Thunder at Frail Blazers: I honestly can't figure out how Portland keeps winning games. All I know is that this game could be very interesting however if Durant continues to be hotter than a Ford Tempo with a busted radiator.

All The Other Games:
Nyets at Crabs: The Crustaceans will break the tie for most consecutive wins by an Association team this year if they beat the Nyets tonight. Will it happen? The suspense is killing me.

Bulls at Pacers: Despite the fact that Conseco Fieldhouse may be one of the least intimidating venues imaginable, the Bulls simply can't win there. A 3-17 record there since it opened in '99? Seriously, guys. Come on.

Timberwolves at 76ers: Iverson's missed the past three games, so that helps explain the four-game winning streak by the Sixers. However, I am at a complete and total loss to explain the Timberpoops' sudden rise from unfathomable suckiness to mediocrity.

Wizards Generals Bullets at Bobcats: The Bobcats have looked pretty turrible lately. By comparison, the Bullets just plain are turrible. And that's that.

Rockets at Heat: Dwyane Wade's shooting funk continues... and that means the Heat keep on losing. Bad things happen in the long run when your team relies too heavily on one person to run the entire offense, and this is just continuing proof.

Kings at Knicks: The only time in the past ten days either of these teams has won? The Bricks took down the Bullets at home. That's it. Yeah... that's definately Basketbawful Game of the Night territory.

Pistons at Bucks: The bad news? The Pistons have only won two of their last eight games. The worse news? Both were against the Nyets. Ruh roh.

Hawks at Grizzlies: Memphis has been on a skid, but Atlanta's a decidedly average-at-best road team. If I had to pick one of these teams at gunpoint, I'd just ask if you could just go ahead and shoot me in the leg instead of forcing me to gamble my life on the winner.

Mavericks at Nuggets: I hope none of the Mavericks get pulled over and have to say the alphabet as part of a sobriety test. "A... B... C... uh... E... F..."

Jazz at Clippers: So, how's that Kim Whatshisface coaching experiment going? I miss Mike Dunleavy already. They were equally awful, but at least Dunleavy was entertaining...

Labels: , ,

27 Comments:
Blogger AnacondaHL said...
How about Kaman getting selected for the All Star game? It's like my voting for him in NBA Jam worked!

Speaking of which, new week of voting is up! Pistons, 76ers, and Lulz, uh, I mean, Bulls. It's like this week, choose who you think would look goofiest as an NBA Jam player.

Blogger Future Guy said...
I really hope you didn't just jinx the Crabs.

Blogger chris said...
Kwame Brown, The Cancer, and Joakim Noah. Those would be legitimate(ly bawesome) choices, right? :D

Blogger chris said...
BTW, based on the pattern the Frail Blazers have experienced so far, they seem to win an extra five games every time someone is out for the year. In other words, maybe the semi-competent medical staff knows what they are doing!??!?!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Ref: Vince, if you take one most contested 40 foot three I'ma punch you myself!

Vince: I'd still get 3 free throws right?

Blogger nohandle said...
Ref: What are you talking about, this IS Ron Jeremy! I have all of his movies!

Vince: Okay Okay you're right. And I'll tell you what, I'll get you his autograph right after I'm done shitting all over the Bobcats. Now can we please get back to the game?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Caption Contest:

Ref: "Hey, Ron, would you mind inserting your penis into the hole I'm making with my index finger and thumb?"
SVG: "uhhhhh... Stop..."
Vince: "Collaborate and listen... Vince is back with a brand new invention..."

Blogger chris said...
Wow. The Zeke era is an ABSOLUTE success at Florida International!!!!!!

That is, if your definition of success is so modest, even the Nyets could achieve it.

Blogger Trevor said...
According to David Berri from The Wages of Wins, Devin Harris is one of the players most at fault for the Nyets suckitude: "Two of the team’s point guards have been a particular problem. Rafer Alston and Devin Harris have combined to produce 5.5 fewer wins than we would expect given each player’s per-minute production in 2008-09. So a good chunk of the team’s decline from bad to disaster can be linked to the production received from just two players." So...uh...good prediction there, Devin.
http://dberri.wordpress.com/2010/02/04/are-the-nets-the-worst-team-ever/

Blogger LotharBot said...
Nuggets lineup tonight could be very, very weird.

Regular starters:
Billups - probable (ankle)
Afflalo - probable (ankle)
Melo - probable (ankle)
KMart - probable (knee)
Nene - probable (calf)

Rotation players:
Lawson - OK
JR Smith - probable (shoulder)
Andersen - probable (knee)

Scrubs:
Joey Graham - OK
Malik "I let the Clippers go on a 17-0 run" Allen - OK
Johan Petro - OK
Anthony Carter - OK
Renaldo Balkman - questionable (back)

With all those guys nursing injuries, I'd bet at least one is actually out, and a couple others will have their minutes limited.

Blogger Dan B. said...
LotharBot -- I have long since given up on trying to understand the Nuggets' injury situation.

Blogger Jason said...
Caption contest.

Paper beats rock.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Anonymous Shelb said...
DAMN YOU JASON! I clicked the comments just to post that.

Blogger chris said...
OH. YES.

Added to the list of "Tyreke The Freak's residences" - the building sitting atop Penn Station.

Rack it.

Blogger Will said...
AnacondaHL- that edit made me think of this.
http://missedmusic.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/oswald-rocks2.jpg

Blogger LotharBot said...
_allas "held" Carmelo Anthony to only 19 points on 16 shots, along with 4 rebounds and 6 assists.

On the minus side for the Mavs, that's more points than any _allas player (_irk had 17), more assists (Ki__ had 5), and as many rebounds as any Mav starter (_irk; 2 bench guys had 5 and 6.)

I don't have the words to describe how bad they were tonight. But as a Nuggets fan, I'm quite pleased.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://assets.espn.go.com/photo/2010/0209/nba_g_landry_george_286.jpg

Man Love

Blogger chris said...
So the Kings break their interminable losing streak, and Tyreke the Freak has a phenomenal night at the Garden...AND Mr. Discount Store even slashed prices on successful shots from 34th Street!

Yet...the postgame thread at Royalty resembles a minefield. huh!?!?

Blogger chris said...
Sweet: The Freak humiliating Jared Jeffries on a critical fourth-quarter basket!!!!

Anonymous gani said...
http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=ykrxznw

i tried the above trade pretending i was the knicks' gm. the knicks would get two quality all-stars and instant respectability. they could have a starting 5 of hill, bosh, chandler, johnson, jack. with duhon, harrington, and douglas backing them up.

the raptors could start building a more euroleague style team. darko could even flourish here since he could be surrounded with 3 point shooters / slashers and he'd be the primary post-up threat. they could go with a lineup of milicic, bargnani, gallinari, bellineli, calderon with derozan, nate robinson, and amir johnson as the primary back-ups.

the hawks would get an expiring contract they wouldn't mind letting go at the end of the season, and jamal crawford could slide over to the starting shooting guard slot.

Anonymous Phil said...
From the Clippers - Jazz AP recap: "Utah is 10-12 on the road, and will play 19 of their final 31 games away from the Salt Palace."

I'm not sure which reporter the AP defrosted from cryogenic freezing for this article but the Jazz haven't played at the Salt Palace since 1991.

Blogger matt said...
I tried this trade just for pure ridiculousness: http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=yl6auh4

Send LO back to the Heat, relegate Artest and the Lakers' struggling point guards to Siberia...er, Canada, and put Josh Powell, Ammo, the Machine and DJ Mbenga with the Lacktion Jacksons to let the Cavs field an ultimate lineup of suck.

But of course the highlight of this trade is sending the big name free agents in Bosh, Wade and James to the Lakers. Somehow this increases the Lakers win total by 8. Seems little if you think of the talent that's coming there but seems like a lot if you consider that the Lakers will only have a 6 man roster, not rotation, roster.

What do you guys think?

Blogger Hajt said...
Blazers-Thunder box score is incredibly depressing. Look at those turnovers and 3 point shooting. From Blazersedge, here is what Portland did while James Hardin scored 13 straight:

* Missed three
* Shot blocked
* Bayless converts layup
* Missed 20-footer
* Turnover
* Turnover
* Turnover
* Shot blocked
* Missed three
* Turnover
* Shot clock violation
* Shot blocked
* Missed three
Please give us Roy or a center.

Blogger Vasco said...
Caption for the SVG pic:

Ron Jeremy trying to convince the ref to star in a porn movie with him:

Ron Jeremy - C'mon stop complaining, it will be a hit.
Ref - I don't know. WILL YOU BE IN IT TOO?
Vinsanity - Yes yes, please come. I'll even let you be on top.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Headline from NBA.com:

"Utah wins its ninth straight as Boozer pounds on Kaman, Clippers for 34 points."

Blogger zyth said...
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/basketball/nba/02/09/spurs.hill.ap/index.html

thankfully, no photo this time.

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