Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
This is your halftime entertainment on Fan Appreciation Night, Toronto Raptors fans? It's really, really sad when your own franchise doesn't respect you.

Are you ready for the Thursday night TNT games? Since those are the only two games played tonight (as with many Thursday nights), I have to switch up my style a little to fill the space. I never could get the hang of Thursdays...

Breaking news! This restaurant in Canada encourages its customers to have sex in its bathrooms. Oh, and that sound you just heard was Rick Pitino speeding off to the airport. (They specifically mention they won't be supplying any condoms, but I don't think that'll matter much to Slick Rick. Birth control isn't walking through that door!)

Bawful Trade of the Day:
We're counting down the days to the 2010 trade deadline with horrendous trades created in the ESPN Trade Machine. Keep submitting your entries. Even if yours doesn't get posted on the site, many people will still see it in the comments.

My first selection goes to my co-editor AnacondaHL. No, it's not just because we're both writers here. First, I loved his confidence in proclaiming it the Basketbawful Trade of the Night in his comment, but also the trade just slays me. Vince Carter for Ray Allen, straight up. According to the Trade Machine, the Magic lose two more games a year and the Celtics gain a win. What?? Bringing a headcase SWAC in to replace a more-than-legitimate shooter will improve their record? I just don't see Vinsanity bringing together the locker room to help them get motivated for victory...

Bonus trade! Basketbawful reader kingofkansascity suggests this ridiculous three-way swap. The Heat acquire Kwame Brown, "Human Victory Cigar" Darko Milicic, and Eddy "My Contract Weighs as Much as My Ass" Curry. The Pistons acquire Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal. And finally the Bricks obtain Charlie Villanueva and Ben Gordon. As noted by the artist who painted this beautiful piece of artwork: "Entertaining because somehow, acquiring the rotting corpse of Jermaine O'Neal while dumping Villanueva, Gordon and Kwame Brown doesn't help or hurt the Pistons. Just equal levels of suck being exchanged." Agreed. I also just liked seeing Kwame Brown's name again. If Smush Parker had shown up in this trade, I would have fallen out of my chair.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

20100203-andrei-kirilenko
Holy hell! When did AK47 morph into the love child of Dirk Nowitzki and Lurch?
(h/t Shayan of Mediocre Forever)


20100203-green-mcdyess
I don't think they are thinking "BALL" right now...
(h/t Shayan)


20100203-quentin-richardson-ray-allen
Don't you usually have to pay extra for a massage like that at the Asian spas?
(h/t Shayan)


20100203-thabo-sefolosha-morris-peterson
So, which of these two guys should we start calling "Missionary Man" from now on, Sefolosha or Peterson?


20100203-nuggets-coaches
There are roughly 40 faces in this picture, and only two of them are smiling. Just a hunch, but I think Denver lost this game...


20100203-wentz-simpson
More fun with numbers:
14 of the 48 AP pictures ESPN.com posted for this Bullets/Bricks game are of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. What does that tell you?


20100203-mike-woodson-atlanta-hawks
Somebody get Mike Woodson some Ex-Lax!


20100203-mike-dunleavy
It's amazing how Mike Dunleavy doesn't have to be doing anything particularly interesting in his photos, and they still always make me laugh


20100203-dirk-don-nelson
"Oh yeah, I really miss playing for you, Coach!"


20100203-tim-duncan
"Is Tim Duncan gonna have to choke a bitch?"

Nationally Televised Games:
Heat at Crabs: These LeBron/D-Wade games are interesting since they almost always end up having similar box score lines. However, that's where the line gets drawn on "interesting." The fresh-legged Crustaceans have won both matchups so far, and as evidenced by a loss to the Celtics last night, the Heat still are still a worse trainwreck than Skeleton Man.

Spurs at Frail Blazers: Well, San Antonio did win their road trip opener against the Purple Paupers... by two points. That does not bode well for their future. Meanwhile, the injury-plagued Frail Blazers dropped a home game to Utah last night. So, both teams not performing their best on the second night of a back-to-back? Thank God this is the late game so I will be in bed for most of it.

Labels: , ,

46 Comments:
Blogger Mark said...
The only way that three-way trade could have been better is if somehow, the Pistons ended up back with Darko! lol

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Just wanted to point out more Spurs choking a bitch, which is themselves:

Last night, Tyreke Evans went 10 points in 28 seconds to close out the game. In this time, he also had an assist to Noc for another 3ptr. If Hill and Ginobili had a few missed freebies here and there, this probably would have made great news and finally replaced the TMac 13 points in 35 seconds metric we use, ironically against the same team.

New theory: How possible is it that Sac is tanking for a chance at Wall? Trade away Kevin Martin, and Wall/Tyreke would be an incredible backcourt to build on.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Rumor Update: Amar''''''e for Iguodala and Dalembert. Oh God please let this happen.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Sorry, one more: Amare hints at maybe picking up his player option, which of course is completely stupid and Amare's obviously just saying this for the press, unless his agent/lawyer is unaware of the 2011 expiring CBA and the tanking economy.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: Considering how many close losses we have, I don't honestly think it's "tanking" so much as that there are just too many scrubs on this freaking roster right now.

Don't forget that the paupers lost the lottery despite worst record last year, so it's not like being this bad is beneficial in any way, especially when the team is one bad hair day for the Maloofs away from considering a call to the local Mayflower agent.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: Well, unawareness runs in Stoudamire's blood...remember his decision to avoid using his protective glasses last year!?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I like Vanilla Ice. I have his tape. "Hooked" is fucking hilarious. Yes, he totally made a fool of himself in that "Roni" song he did where he beat-boxed, but overall the album was on-par with the other similar artists at the time (Hammer, MC Young etc..)

Gangsta rap swallowed those guys up with their hard-core images and inexplicable mass-appeal (the older I get, the more I realize just how backwards, racist, sexist and anti-social people like Ice Cube, Too $hort or even young Dr. Dre were), but today, I would be more embarrassed to play an NWA or Easy-E song on my stereo with mature adults around than I would Vanilla Ice.

And lets face it: if someone plays "Ice Ice Baby"- you dance. Or at the very least you bob your head. Don't lie. I know it's true.

Anonymous Mike T said...
4 team bawful trade:
http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=yzyqvp3

I wanted to send Boozer to Cleveland, Shaq to Phoenix, Amar'eee to San Antonio and Ginobili to Phoenix since all of those fan bases have reason to hate the player they are acquiring. In the process I was also able to send 3 white guys to Utah. I was amazed that this was successful.

Anonymous dagwaller said...
I just have to point out that the "Missionary Man" picture actually depicts a threesome. No, Julian Wright...you won't find BALL in there. Maybe later, though.

Blogger Amandus said...
EPIC FAIL
How are the Celtics ONLY 11 games worse with the Nyets?????

http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=ykaqg9n

Blogger Andrei said...
Dan, the Frail Blazers dropped an away game to the Jazz last night, not a home game.

Blogger Andrei said...
Oh God, yet another unfair twist of events this week. The same week that saw
The Mario West contribute a positive play on the court with a dunk has seen Mike Dunleavy get canned. I think that tomorrow's Worst of the Night should have a tribute to at least some of the bawful that Dunleavy has brought to us as coach of the Clippers. In fact I think there's more than enough for it's own post. I'm going to pour some beer on my kitchen floor in mourning.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
That may be the last appearance of Mike Dunleavy in the WOTN pictures. Apparently he's out as head coach.

http://sports.espn.go.com/los-angeles/nba/news/story?id=4887981

Fortunately, he retains his front office position which means there is still hope that he'll pull the trigger on one of the many bawful trades being thrown around.

Blogger William Dorr said...
Damn, and I was hoping you'd have a pic of AK47 (abbreviating his name only because I have no idea how to spell it) sitting on Jerryd Bayless's face last night. Seriously, he sat there for like 10 seconds, complaining to the ref before Jerryd shoves him off.

The moment had manlove written all over it.

Blogger chris said...
Andrei: The Mario West WHAT!? Contributed?!?!?!

I want PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE.

oh and dumbleavy fired, lol. Sterling found someone cheaper!?

Blogger Andrei said...
chris:

http://oklahomacity.nbabasketballfansite.com/videopage.asp?videoid=14600

view this footage at your own risk. Seeing The Mario West contribute positively might shatter your understanding of the world as you know it.

Blogger chris said...
And Gourmet Spud at Deadspin provides a writeup of the Vanilla Ice appearance for all of us. Wow.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Oh my God, on PTI did Wilbon just suggest Utah and Memphis switch names? Utah Grizzlies, and Memphis Jazz? WORST OF THE NIGHT.

As often suggested, since Utah is the "Beehive State" anyways, just fucking trade Utah Hornets and New Orleans Jazz. Or even a three-way with Utah Bobcats, and Charlotte Hornets living again.

Finally, if no one has video of it yet, here's a phone cam of someone in Toronto who recorded a bit of the Vanilla Ice performance.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
The Clippers now make the playoffs as an 8th seed. I am calling it

Anonymous Anonymous said...
MIKE DUNLEAVY FIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD


ok im done now

Blogger chris said...
Speaking of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz...

They named their kid "Bronx Mowgli."

WHY.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Anonymous Damon Phillips said...
YES!!!!!!!! Mike Dumbleavy has been fired! This is the best day ever!

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: Selective amnesia.

---

In a world where Mario West plays CONTRIBUTORY BASKETBALL...

SOME KID WAS NAMED "ESPN." Not "Espen" like the former hockey player, but ESPN as in, the network that brings you mediocrely-produced Association coverage, and the insights of Hubie brown.

Seriously.

I will be none too surprised if the American River starts flowing backwards tomorrow.

Blogger Andrei said...
AnacondaHL: that was the funniest thing I have seen in days.

chris: do they play that "song" during games?

Blogger chris said...
Andrei: I'm serious in saying that I honestly don't know, because the one bad music segment I DO notice at Arco is the mid-game video segment of the players attempting karaoke (the one most noticeably butchered tune on that list is "American Pie" by Don McLean).

Anonymous Hajt said...
Blazer-Jazz game was in Utah, were we've never one, so not quite as bad as you made it sound. Still no B-Roy

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Holy Shit yes, they just fucking used Get Crazy as the return-from-commercial collage song. I think I need to find pictures of NBA players unintentionally fistpumping.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Mike T wins the trade of the night.
3 whiteys to Utah--Classic.
Booze back to Cleveland--just b/c it's Cleveland and its their fate to get crapped on.
Amar''''e to the Spurs--Popovich just had an aneurysm
Shaq and Ginobli to the Suns--someone from Phoenix really pissed off Mike T

And to top it off, almost everyone loses, a net loss of -20 wins.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Please find a video of Wade flying into a brick wall aka Shaq.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=ykx3ddn

Take the 4 least watchable teams in the L, combine to make 1 mediocre squad, and serve with lots of beer.

Side note: if the most wins I could get from fleecing the Nyets, Kings and Clips was 19 ... does that mean they're going to combine for 19 more wins for the rest of the year?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
In lieu of the Dunleavy firing, let us all remember the Onion's account of the Clippers at the beginning of this season.

Anonymous Armand_A said...
If the rumors about the Lakers doing a sign-and-trade with the Raptors for Chris Bosh by offering Andrew Bynum + spare parts has any ground to it, why shouldn't the Lakers just go ahead and offer the same deal (LeBron and Bosh make basically the same money) to the Cavs?

Before you say 'the Cavs will be crazy to do it", consider this: LBJ is an unrestricted free agent, and he can choose to play wherever he likes to. LBJ can go to the Cavs GM and say "I wanna be a global icon so I wanna play in LA or New York. You either figure out a sign-and-trade with the Lakers so I got to play in a good team and you got something in return or I am signing with the Knicks and we are both screwed." If you were the Cavs GM you basicallly are forced to do it (hey Andrew Bynum is not a bad compensation when the alternative is... well, NOTHING).

The only person that would have second thoughts about this is Kobe, because he doesn't get to be the Alpha dog anymore. But if he's serious about catching Jordan for those 6 rings he should understand he need more help. His body is breaking down this year (finger, back) and if he's willing to play with LBJ that will be the ultimate sign that he's not a ball hog and he's all about winning.

Blogger chris said...
Watching the TNT broadcast...so the Spurs are going to let Ginobili walk as a free agent? Interesting.

Blogger Alex said...
it took a little effort, but i was not only able to make the pacers a team made of only non-international white guys, but also made them 10 wins worse. so proud.

http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=yzzkyjs

Blogger undcvrsm said...
New Jersey will increase their wins by 14 with a trade between the 4 worst teams in the Association!

http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=yjyrgva

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Mike Dunleavy is so terrible at what he does that his one good move since he joined the Clippers, finding some idiot to take Zach Randolph off his hands, completely backfired on him. Randolph is now an All-Star and the Clippers have a giant hole at PF until their prized rookie returns next season.

The guy was fired as Coach but will remain as GM. Any chance he purposefully tries to sink the team (further) into oblivion with terrible trades and horrible draft picks for the sake of revenge? He'd get paid anyways.

Blogger chris said...
Hellshocked: So does Z-Bo follow in the footsteps of Odom and Walton by "shedding" his Clipper karma once elsewhere?!??!

Then again, Elton Brand seems to have brought it to the shores of the Schuylkill.

Blogger chris said...
AND...

I hope someone did a screen capture of that Nate McMillan facepalm in response to Juwan "AARP" Howard's horrible inbounding attempt.

Blogger Austen said...
Well, definitely no getting out of giving Manu Ginobili a WoTN for not only that missed 3-pointer at the end of the game (which was an absolutely brilliant play), but also that blatant flop at the end of the 2nd quarter where he charged right into a rookie defender (just standing there with his arms up) and then threw himself to the floor so the rookie got the foul (and Ginobili 2 free throws).

Anonymous Armand_A said...
Oh to add on my previous comment, I don't mean the Lakers trade with the Cavs before the trade deadline - that would make absolutely no sense. What I mean is for that to happen in the summer, when LBJ can walk.

And btw why is it bawful? It would be bawful to all of the other 29 teams of the NBA and their fans (including me , of the Spurs), because LBJ+Kobe will walk all over us and it's goona be doomsday ten times over.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is OT, but I am sure bawful remembers the Philippine Basketball Association incident with Wynne Arboleda.

Just now, one of the teams, the Talk n' Text Tropang Texters just walked out of the playing court in the first quarter as their Coach Chot Reyes was fed up with the calls! Reyes was fed up with the calls, with their opponent having 16 FTA already in the 1st quarter and his player was called for a Flagrant 2 foul in the last ensuing play, and thus Reyes commanding the walkout. So their opponent, the Barangay Ginebra Kings just won the game by default.

Anonymous Stockton said...
http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=yjvupwv

Nets projected to win less 9 with this trade. This would means they would finish with a 82/-1 record or something?

Anonymous Stockton said...
http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=ylgc2ot

Cuban is ready to make it to make things right...

Anonymous same Anonymous said...
Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxAy2h7eBjk

Blogger kingofkansascity said...
Happy to see my trade as the trade of the night. Here's another.

http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=ygntm2c

Chris Paul is seen crying tears of joy.

Links to this post:
Create a Link