Ball
BALL.

The Miami Heat: After his team scored only 13 points in the fourth quarter en route to a 102-86 loss to the Crabs in Cleveland, Dwyane Wade said: "This team is just better than us. You have to be realistic. I understand this team has NBA championship aspirations. We don't have that. We're focusing on trying to get to the playoffs and this team is trying to get to the championship. It's totally different."

Translation: We suck.

Okay, maybe that interpretation is a tad harsher than what Pookie actually meant, but it's true.

Meanwhile, King Crab pulled a reverse Magic Johnson. Instead of going from point guard to center, LeBron went from forward to point guard. This was necessary because Mo Williams and Delonte West are both MIA, and Boobie Gibson was scratched from the starting lineup and didn't enter the game until the second half after joining his pregnant fiancee, singer Keyshia Cole, who was hospitalized for precautionary reasons.

Said James: "I knew I was going to have the ball in my hands a lot because I was the starting point guard or point forward, whatever you want to call it. Like Magic [Johnson]. I can go coast to coast and do a lot of things with the ball that point guards in this league can't do. I was aggressive, they fouled me and I continued to be aggressive."

Agressive. Yes. That's one way to put it. LeBron (36 points, 7 rebounds, 8 assists) finished with 21 free throw attempts. Meanwhile, D-Wade -- who went 11-for-26 from the field and committed a game-high 6 turnovers -- finished with only two foul shots. Has it really been that long since the 2006 NBA Finals?

Make no mistake: The Crabs were roughing Wade up, but the refs kept choking on their whistles. Home cookin'? What do you think? And Pookie's old teammate, Shaq, dropped Wade twice without a response from the officiating crew. For example:


By the way, in case you've forgotten, this isn't the first time these former teammates have bumped into each other...


Said Wade: "I went into him a couple times and nothing got called. I do what I normally do and that's be aggressive. He stepped up and delivered a couple body blows, but he knows I'm not going to break. So it's fine. He got a little blood, but it wasn't nothing."

Replied Shaq: "I'm not going to move and I ain't going to flop. So I'm just going to stand there. They're either going to call a foul or let us play."

I guess they decided to let 'em play. Unless somebody looked cross-eyed at LeBron, that is.

Dwyane Wade: As if everything I already mentioned wasn't enough, Pookie got straight up posterized in the first quarter by J.J. Hickson. Wade tried to get Hickson back in the third quarter, but J.J. rejected him at the rim.


Fail.

Quentin Richardson: In 28 minutes, Q went 0-for-7 from the field, 0-for-3 from downtown, and finished with a whopping zero points. On the bright side, he didn't have any turnovers.

The San Antonio Spurs: On TrueHoop, John Hollinger spun about how Tony Parker's inability to check back into the game might have been responsible for the Spurs loss to the Frail Blazers in Portland:

All Tony Parker could do was sit and watch. Marooned at the scorer's table while he waited for a whistle to get him back in the game, he saw the clock tick inside 4 minutes ... and 3 ... and 2 ... while a six-point San Antonio turned into a dispiriting 96-93 defeat to Portland.

Parker's whistle never came, courtesy of a 3:32 stretch without a dead ball, and by the time Parker got back in his team was trailing 88-87 and he was ice cold after spending five fourth-quarter minutes on the bench. San Antonio went 3:29 without scoring, encompassing five entry trips, until Manu Ginobili's lay-up with 18.5 seconds left and the outcome largely in hand.
Okay, sure. Maybe the Spurs pull this one out if Parker gets back into the game earlier. Or maybe they don't. But the fact is, the Spurs -- who entered the season as championship contenders -- were facing a team without its best player (Brandon Roy) and its two best centers (King Schlong and the Vanilla Godzilla). All things being equal, shouldn't this have been an easy win for San Antonio?

It would have been if these were the Spurs of old. But they are not. Tim Duncan (15 points, 12 rebounds) was outperformed by LaMarcus Aldridge (28 points, 13 boards). Juwan Howard's mummy (10 points, 5-for-5, 8 rebounds) played better than any of San Antonio's non-Duncan big men. Keith Bogans, Matt Bonner and Michael Finley combined for 28 scoreless minutes. Richard Jefferson finished with 8 points on 3-for-8 shooting.

Speaking of which...is anyone else tired of hearing announcers say that Jefferson "hasn't yet been worked into the mix"? The Spurs are 48 games into the season. What's the holdup? There was a time when San Antonio operated like the Borg, seamlessly assimilating players into their collective. Which is why when they restocked the shelves last summer -- adding Jefferson, Antonio McDyess, DeJuan Blair and Theo Ratliff -- everybody thought the Spurs were going to be okay.

But they aren't. They really aren't. I mean, they're probably good enough to win close to 50 games by beating up on bad teams. But plus-.500 teams have stymied them all season. The Frail Blazers became the second team -- after the Utah Jazz -- to sweep the season series against the Spurs. That never used to happen.

San Antonio has plenty of talent. That's not the problem. And while injuries to Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili have been a popular excuse from San Antonio fans, the fact is the Spurs have lost plenty of games in which their big guns have all been present and accounted for. Including contests in which their opponents have been without one or more of their top guys. Chemistry is a funny thing. Teams either have it or they don't. The Spurs always used to have it. Now? Not so much. And this has been particularly evident down the stretch.

Said Jefferson: "This year we've lost to the Blazers twice without Brandon Roy, lost to Denver without Carmelo. We just haven't played well and hit shots the last six minutes of the game."

I've said it before and I'm saying it again: The Spurs championship era has ended.

The Los Angeles Clippers: So the Clippers...what...fired Mike Dunleavy as their coach while retaining him as their general manager? I mean, I can't blame them in the least. Dumbleavy has been a turrible coach for, well, ever. But...why now? And why keep him around at all? Apparently, for the same reason he relieved of his coaching duties any earlier: To save money. And not some astronomical amount, either. We're talking about $5.5 million. According to USA Today, Clippers owner Donald Sterling was worth $500 million back in 2005. I'm pretty sure he could afford to give the team a completely fresh start, right?

I guess Sterling thinks assistant coach Kim Hughes -- who has been named interim head coach -- can do better than Dumbleavy. Or maybe it's just another cost-saving move. But if that's the case, I ask again, why now? The Clippers could have started over before the season started. You know, maybe give the team a fighting chance. Assuming Sterling even noticed that was necessary.

As J.J. Adande noted on TrueHoop:

[The Clippers] stayed with [Dunleavy] while the team dropped seven of its first 10 games, even though eight of them were played in Staples Center. They stayed with him through a four-game losing streak in January that included a 40-point loss to the Lakers and a blown 13-point lead in the final 15 minutes against the Cavaliers. They even allowed him to finish off this last eight-game road trip after back-to-back losses to New Jersey and Minnesota -- the two worst teams in the league -- in the fourth and fifth games. Maybe Sterling didn’t want to buy another airline ticket for Dunleavy to come home when the charter flights were already paid for.

So the Clippers wound up dropping seven of the eight games and plummeted to seven games below .500. They are seven games behind Portland for the final playoff spot in the Western Conference. Yes, those would be the same Portland Trail Blazers who lost both of their centers for the season, as well as an assortment of injuries that kept out every member of their rotation except Andre Miller and Martell Webster at one stage or another of the season. So that wipes out the injury excuse Dunleavy liked to trot out as often as possible.

Houston started the season without Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady, but the Rockets are still ahead of the Clippers. So is New Orleans, which has had Chris Paul in and out of the lineup. Yes, the Clippers have been hit, most notably by the broken kneecap that kept No. 1 overall draft pick Blake Griffin from playing a single game. But they also have been done in by uninspired play, bad substitution patterns and a general malaise that indicated a lack of confidence in the head coach. If they were going to try to make a run at the playoffs they needed a jumpstart, not the setback that was this final trip under Dunleavy's watch.

Dunleavy hasn't been the answer for a long time. The Clippers seemed to be the last to realize that.
In which case they're probably also be the last to realize that Kim Whateverhisnameis isn't the answer either. But I'm sure they'll be preparing for the NBA Draft lottery by then.

In other words: They are who we thought they were.

On a personal level, I'm sad to see Mike leave the sidelines. Pictures of Dunleavy -- facepalming, looking shocked, looking annoyed, or just plain looking like he has no idea what he's doing out there -- have been a staple of this site for years. So I am hearby challening all Basketbawful readers to scour the Interwebs for the best Dumbleavy pictures you can find. Next week, I will post a special pictorial retrospective of Dunleavey's coaching career with The Other L.A. Team.

Michael Wilbon: The same 'tard who brought us "Kobe Bryant should be the new NBA logo and get Jerry West's old nickname" had another beauty last night, as reported by AnacondaHL: "Oh my God, on PTI did Wilbon just suggest Utah and Memphis switch names? Utah Grizzlies, and Memphis Jazz? WORST OF THE NIGHT."

Get Loud: Presenting -- courtesy of AnacondaHL -- the official theme song of the 2009-10 Sacramento Kings:


Bad baby names: From chris: "In a world where Mario West plays CONTRIBUTORY BASKETBALL...SOME KID WAS NAMED 'ESPN.' Not 'Espen' like the former hockey player, but ESPN as in, the network that brings you mediocrely-produced Association coverage, and the insights of Hubie Brown. Seriously."

Lacktion report: After recovering from his baby name shock, chris submitted his daily lacktivity update:

Heat-Crabs: Jamaal Magloire countered two points with a pair of fouls and a giveaway in 5:41 to earn a 3:2 Voskuhl, while Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson clawed his way into a missed field goal for a +1 suck differential in 2:15!

Spurs-Frail Blazers: Matt Bonner rocketed into riches tonight with a 4.7 trillion (4:42), while Michael Finley found himself filed in the lacktion ledger with a surprising +5 in 6:06 after taking two fouls, losing the rock to Rudy Fernandez on a bad pass, and bricking twice from Pioneer Place (including a potential game-tying shot at the end!!!!).

Labels: , , , , , , , ,

74 Comments:
Blogger Cortez said...
"Shaq, dropped Wade twice without a response from the officiating crew."

Wade ran into Shaq expecting a "superstar" call.

Shaq is a more well known, or liked, "superstar" than Wade.

However, in this instance, there was no call because there was no foul.

Wade is a (athletic) pussy. No better, or worse, than defenders who flop for calls.

Get your ass up fruitcake and play basketball.

Blogger Vasco said...
Shaq is there 15 min before Wade.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Cortez returns...in true Cortez fashion!

When are we gonna hoop it up?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
However, in this instance, there was no call because there was no foul.

While I agree...it sure looked like LeBron was getting that call on the other end. Contact with His Crabliness clearly violates the official NBA mandates.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Shaq is there 15 min before Wade.

And nobody notices Shaq lurch forward right before Wade gets there? You know, to deliver an extra little bump?

Blogger Cortez said...
"Cortez returns...in true Cortez fashion!"

I assure you, I've been here everyday looking for the right opportunity to give an over the top rant, acting as if I knew the first thing about basketball (or anything else for the matter).

Send me an email.

Blogger Cortez said...
"Contact with His Crabliness clearly violates the official NBA mandates."

Even when he clearly initiates the contact.

"You know, to deliver an extra little bump?"

Yeah, I saw that.

I've wondered is there some under reported rift between those two?

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Not a foul. He stood there. This isn't the 2006 Finals where Wade can run full steam into Dirk, plant a forearm in his chest, shove him and the foul is on Dirk.

On LeBron's play 12 people were swiping at the ball as we went to the hoop. Of course they're going to call that.

Seriously since when is running into someone else a foul? Bawful you complain constantly about how the league is wussified. Example A. Not a foul. Not anything.

Anonymous Ak dave said...
Cortez = correct

There was no foul. I just can't take this league seriously sometimes. A few months ago I saw a Euroleague game between FC Barcelona and some stiffs (Cadiz? I can't remember). Anyway, those guys play basketball. Rubio- perhaps the biggest star in all of European basketball- was getting hacked and bumped and hand-checked all day, and he didn't get ONE whistle. And you know what? The game flowed. Bigs were allowed to bump underneath. The hand actually WAS considered a part of the ball for the purpose of foul calls. It wasn't a "foul" to brush across the jersey of an offensive player. There were NO easy layups. I just can't understand why the NBA thinks that it needs to pussify their league in order to appease fans. Fans don't like pussy foul calls. David Stern does, however. It just doesn't add up.

I know it's been said before, but the NBA should really be ashamed of itself for how far it has fallen since the glory days of Knicks-Heat in the 90's.

Sigh.

Happy Friday

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Oh, and someone blatantly grabbing you on the way to the bucket as Mario Chalmers does to King Crab tends to earn one a foul. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

D-Wade is a great player, top three in the L no doubt, stop expecting the refs to bail you out every single time you make a bad decision.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Oh, and someone blatantly grabbing you on the way to the bucket as Mario Chalmers does to King Crab tends to earn one a foul. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

Are you saying that 'Bron earned 21 fouls shots from that one play?

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
The Spurs' collapse in the 4th is just another instance in a string of tough cookies to swallow of late.
Against Sacramento, of course, Tyreke Evans nearly single-handedly willed a victory.
Against Denver at home, the Spurs got the deficit to 2 with less than 3:30 less, and proceeded to get wailed on. They did not get a stop on any of the remaining possessions while only converting two.
Against the Grizzlies, after nursing a near-double digit most of the 4th quarter, they let the Grizzlies shoot it down to 5 for a little scare.
Against the Bullies, the Spurs tied the game with 40 seconds left, and then collapsed, allowing Noah to tip a shot, bonking shot after shot, and even an inexplicable Ginobili layup attempt with 5 seconds left when they were down by 3 points (he just saw an open lane and drove it in, drew some contact, though no foul). For the record, that layup...missed. Even if he had gotten the call, the game wouldn't have tied up.
Against the Rockets, it was still a 4 point game with 2:30 left, but the Spurs just couldn't get stops, and allowed the Rockets to trample them.
They made a valiant comeback against the Jazz, but on the most crucial possession, down by 3 with less than a minute left, they couldn't stop the Jazz, and could not recover.

In the realm of fun trades, How about this one? The Rockets get Kobe, Gasol, King Crab, Howard, Mo Williams, Ryan Anderson, and J.J. Hickson (I threw him in because if he just listens to Lebron, he'll be amazing). In exchange, all they have to do is trade two spectator superstars, a bunch of scrubs, an aging Battier, and Scola. They still retain Ariza, Brooks, Landry (three of their four best players) to complete a 9 man rotation, 10 if Hickson listens to BronBron. It'll be a usage rate clusterfuck, but damn would it be fun.

In other mathematical screwiness, John Hollinger noted on his article, "As of Thursday, that prediction is now down to nine. If the Nets do finish with nine wins, it would tie them with the 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers for the worst NBA record ever. Based on its current record (4-44), New Jersey is on pace to finish with just eight victories and claim the record for itself." That seems well and great, but wait, on pace to finish with 8 wins? 4-44 is the same pace as 7-77, which is already more games than there are in the season. You'd think a math guy like Hollinger wouldn't mess that up.

Blogger BadDave said...
Lurching is pretty much all the Big Gimpy can do anymore. I'll agree on both counts - no foul, but no consistency. Which is ironically consistent in today's SterNBA. It's like symbology for today's nameology-based marketing.

relatedI'll take a coffee.

Cafe Latte.

Twist of Lemon.

Sweet & Low.

Blogger BadDave said...
Oops - FYI. Last link is definitely NSFW.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
On a more personal and hilarious note, the restaurant in Toronto that wants people to do the Rick Pitino in it's washrooms is about a ten-minute walk from my home. Just noticed you added an update for that yesterday.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
BadDave - It looks like they're all linked to the same thing, which I'm kinda scared to click since I don't know if it'll be the NSFW one. Do you mind fixing it?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
I know it's been said before, but the NBA should really be ashamed of itself for how far it has fallen since the glory days of Knicks-Heat in the 90's.

First off, let me say that I am, generally speaking, against the wussification of the NBA. However...

...I do NOT want to return to an era of games with scores like 75-69, 81-76, 87-82, etc. Blech.

Also, while the "no contact with perimeter players" rules are annoying, I only ask that they are consistent. Shaq had indeed established position before Wade arrived, but instead of just letting Wade run into him, Shaq lurched forward at the last second to deliver a little hit. Pussy by, say, Bill Laimbeer standards? Of course. But LeBron received some touch fouls last night, and I promise you that if LeBron had been driving and Jermaine O'Neal had lurched into him...the whistle would most certainly have been blown.

Call it on one end, call it on the other. Or don't call it at all. Whichever. Just be consistent.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
That seems well and great, but wait, on pace to finish with 8 wins? 4-44 is the same pace as 7-77, which is already more games than there are in the season. You'd think a math guy like Hollinger wouldn't mess that up.

If you use cross-multiplication (4/44 * x/82) and round, you come out with 8 wins.

On this subject, I was talking to Statbuster last night, and we agreed (that is, I bleated on and he listened patiently) that the Nyets are going to go on a run at the end of the season when teams are resting starters, shutting guys down because they're out of the playoff race, and/or tanking for better draft position. They'll end up with 11, 12 or 13 wins (or more?) before it's all done.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
If you use cross-multiplication (4/44 * x/82) and round, you come out with 8 wins.
But they played 48 games, so when you do 4/48*82, you get 6.83.

They'll end up with 11, 12 or 13 wins (or more?) before it's all done.
I believe that. I just can't imagine they suck this badly the rest of the way. Not just the resting the starters thing, but even by chance, couldn't they luckbox their way into a few victories against banged up teams on the second night of a back-to-back or the last game of a 4-in-5?

In related Nyets sucktitude. They STILL haven't hit double digit win percentages at any point in the season. Not even like a 3-27 record or something.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I found this hilarious picture while searching images of Dunleavy.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_i8grH95Ufbc/RyAbuNWN8iI/AAAAAAAAAAc/1wI3HM_CQZ8/s320/dunleavy+kick.jpg

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: This suddenly reminds me of that Packers-Lions game two years ago when Aaron Rodgers and co. had nothing to play for...except to maintain Detroit's perfection, which they did.

I really, really, really hope the rest of the Association sees history in the making and does not interrupt it.

---

Speaking of the Nyets, they are only 16 more losses before scoring a century of fail since Devin Harris's prediction. They can get there this season, right!??!?!

Anonymous Jimmy said...
I don't understand what the big deal is about the Shaq call. He is standing there with his hands straight up. He has a right to that position. Wade slammed into him full speed. It is his own fault for trying to run over a 350 lb man.

And as for the stuff on LeBron, yeah, he gets a TON of calls, but not any more than Wade does. The issue is not just with LeBron but with all the stars in the league because it changes the way they play. Rather than just playing ball, they do foolish things like try to run Shaq over because in the past that has resulted in free throws for them and they expect any contact to be a foul.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
But they played 48 games, so when you do 4/48*82, you get 6.83.


Ugh. Math fail. That's what I get for trying to sneak in a comment while completing a major work project. (Which is finished now, btw...go weekend!)

I found this hilarious picture while searching images of Dunleavy.

A true classic.

This suddenly reminds me of that Packers-Lions game two years ago when Aaron Rodgers and co. had nothing to play for...except to maintain Detroit's perfection, which they did. I really, really, really hope the rest of the Association sees history in the making and does not interrupt it.

Which brings me to another point I made to Statbuster. In this age of Twitter and blogging and 24/7 sports coverage from zillions of sources, the embarrassment of losing to a crappy team is magnified like never before....which will give teams more incentive than ever NOT to lose to the Nyets. Which just might keep hope alive for a new Bawfulest Team Ever.

I don't understand what the big deal is about the Shaq call. He is standing there with his hands straight up. He has a right to that position. Wade slammed into him full speed. It is his own fault for trying to run over a 350 lb man.

Nobody, other than Cortez, has admitted that Shaq moved right before the contact, which has been a blocking foul since way before the new no-contact rules were put in place. Shaq was not standing still. He intentionally jerked forward at the last second to deliver a hit to Wade. And although it was gentle by Shaq standards, the dude moved. And based on the precedents set in today's game, it was definitely foul-worthy.

In my world with my own officiating rules, would I have called it? No, absolutely not. But NOT making the call is inconsistent based on everything we see and experience on a daily basis in today's NBA. And if we can't have Manly Rules, I would at least ask for consistency in how the current rules are called.

Why is this so hard to grok?

Blogger Andrei said...
I'm not so sure about the Nyets being able to go on a "run" at the end of the season. From all the quotes it seems that most players are embarrassed to lose to the Nyets. Even Elton "80 million dollar man" Brand said that he would have been disappointed to lose to the Nyets and he plays for the 76ers. I think most teams are giving full effort against them just so they don't have to suffer the shame of losing to one of the all time worst teams. Well, everyone except the Clippers that is.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
In addition to the math fail, if we browse the Nets' remaining schedule, we can eyeball a pretty strong strength of schedule. I can see them splitting the remaining games with Washington, and maybe one more trap game or win over the Heat, but other than that it's looking like history this season. I don't see 5 more wins this season. Get crazy.

Blogger Cortez said...
Clarification:

In that first video Shaq was completely vertical the entire time.

Wade collapsed like a bridge designed by a D- engineering student. But, that's not why he's a pussy.

The fact that he laid there like a bear skin rug, and wasn't actually hurt, despite making major bucks to play basketball makes him a pussy.

In that second video, Shaq moves forward only after Wade tries his Pac Man warping trick. I'm not sure that should ever be called a blocking foul but at any rate...

FAIL.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
The "lurch" is very subtle and very hard to see, especially at full speed. From certain angles it's impossible to see at all.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Jefferson has proven to be a poor fir for the Spurs. He is one of those young-old players, he has lost a step, lateral quickness and inches off his vertical since his New Jersey days. He isn't a pure shooter which means he doesn't benefit from kickouts as much as the Spurs would hope and he is most effective at getting his in the half court when he gets to massage the ball for 15 seconds in order to get himself a shot. Neither he nor San Antonio push the ball often enough to get him those easy Jason Kidd buckets. Even his defense has been mediocre.

He hasn't exactly played terribly but he has been a total non factor. They haven't won any games specifically because of him and would likely have the same record if they had never made that trade. What they needed/need is a guy like, say, Kevin Martin (apparently being shopped) who can knock down open jumpers, get to the line and carry the offense when it grows stale. A time machine wouldn't hurt either.

Blogger Cortez said...
By the way fellow basketball fans...

Falling backwards when a 175-350 pound man rams into you isn't "flopping".

You are supposed to put your weight on your heels when taking a charge and let your body naturally fall backwards during a body to body collision.

Trying to be a (fake) tough guy will get you a couple of broke ribs sooner or later.

And if anyone thinks the refs are not in on this "superstar call" bullshit on some level (by NBA edict or personal bias) then you may be certifiably insane.

Human imperfection cannot explain away what we have seen on a nightly basis for decades.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
In addition to the math fail, if we browse the Nets' remaining schedule, we can eyeball a pretty strong strength of schedule. I can see them splitting the remaining games with Washington, and maybe one more trap game or win over the Heat, but other than that it's looking like history this season. I don't see 5 more wins this season. Get crazy.

I dunno. They have three games against the Heat, two against the Bullets, two against the Pistons, two against the Bulls, one against the Kings (sorry, chris), a couple against Milwaukee, one against the Sixers. Not to mention potential trap games against, say, the Suns (don't tell me the idea doesn't freak you out).

The fact that he laid there like a bear skin rug, and wasn't actually hurt, despite making major bucks to play basketball makes him a pussy.

No, no, no, no, no. Terrible analogy, because a bear skin rug was once a bear, which makes it, fundamentally speaking, much more manly than D-Wade. I repeat: IT WAS A BEAR. Those things are godless killing machines.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
I will defend to the death that Wade is the exact opposite of a pussy. He's been busting his ass playing with Michael Beasley and the Special Olympic all-stars as his shooters. This team is turrible and I've come to accept that but please dont make him the bad guy. The fear of him leaving grows

Blogger Cortez said...
"Those things are godless killing machines."

Note to self:

Old Nemesis: Mountain Lions
New Nemesis: BEARS!

Blogger Dan B. said...
No, no, no, no, no. Terrible analogy, because a bear skin rug was once a bear, which makes it, fundamentally speaking, much more manly than D-Wade. I repeat: IT WAS A BEAR. Those things are godless killing machines.

Agreed. Maybe he was more like the rug the nihilists pissed on in Big Lebowski. (It really tied the room together, did it not?)

Blogger Cortez said...
"I will defend to the death that Wade is the exact opposite of a pussy."

Your definition of "pussy" is flawed.

"He's been busting his ass playing with Michael Beasley and the Special Olympic all-stars as his shooters."

Plenty of pussies have high level basketball skill and production. you remember how Carmelo Anthony back peddled out of that scuffle after throwing his women like claw into the fray?

Pussy.

"This team is turrible and I've come to accept that but please dont make him the bad guy."

He's not a "bad guy". He's simply a guy who likes to ham it up for the refs, camera and fans. Crumpling to the ground for an entire offense to defense transition as if Danny Trejo tossed a dagger in his gut when, as you can see once he gets up, he wasn't hurt at all and was simply looking for a call that should not have been called in the first place or trying to cover up for an epic fail on an ill-conceived move.

Or in other words...

A pussy.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
They haven't won any games specifically because of him and would likely have the same record if they had never made that trade.
They did win that game against the Mavs without Timmeh and Tony Langoria, so....take that! Otherwise the Mavs could join the Blazers and the Jazz as teams that swept the Spurs this season.

What they needed/need is a guy like, say, Kevin Martin (apparently being shopped) who can knock down open jumpers, get to the line and carry the offense when it grows stale.
What would be the proposed trade? Ginobili to knock out that 4 year deal? The thought scares me a little considering the slump he's in. I mean, I know that he's just coming back from injury and all, but you'd think that if the Kings, who know his medical status better than any physical the Spurs can give him, would give him up for a chance for nothing more than to hit undo, he's probably not likely to revert to a 45, 48% FG kind of guy again, at least not in the foreseeable future. What do you think?
Any opinions on that trade, chris?

Those things are godless killing machines.
If that's the only prerequisite for manliness, then the Nets are far more manly than bears or Wade. How many people do you think lost all hope at life at the depressing thought of either being a Nets fan or their team having lost to the Nets?

Not to mention potential trap games against, say, the Suns (don't tell me the idea doesn't freak you out).
I'm pretty sure TNT doesn't broadcast Nets games.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
1) Just ignore the away games
2) Also ignore teams they've already beaten. I don't see another win over the Bobcats or Bulls.
3) Combined with 2), the added motivation teams have to not lose, and the tanking for Wall crapshoot.
4) Combined with 2) and 3), I don't see them beating any team twice this season, following the model of the '73 76ers.

This leaves a win over WAS, MIA, and probably 1 more, but maybe not. I don't give them a win over the Pistons, since they're finally getting people back from injury, and with Ben Wallace's decent play this season I can't see him giving up another 11-16 night to Brook Lopez.

The Kings game depends on if the Kings trade Kevin Martin, so there's a potential win 3.

The Suns are likely going to still be focused and clawing for a playoff spot, and the game appears in the middle of a road trip against bad teams. Not really a traditional trap; but I could see Atlanta or Toronto dropping one. Still unlikely though.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Ginobili for Martin works, though losing Manu would hurt a ton. Jefferson for Martin works too and would be a far better deal for the Spurs, though the Kings might not go for it since he has a year left after this one. Aside from those two the Spurs don't really have many bargaining chips.

Probably the best deal for both teams I could find in the 3 minutes I spent fiddling around with the trade machine was Jefferson for Nocioni and Martin. The Kings woulf save a ton of cash (4 year deal for K-Mart, 3 year deal for Nocioni) and the Spurs would be much improved. I'm not sure if they'd be improved enough for the front office to consider paying long term for those two but one can dream.

I hear what you're saying about Martin NarS, but the better he plays the tougher it is going to be for the Spurs (or anyone else) to obtain him. He has typically been a great shooter and a very efficient offensive player with a style of play that won´t likely diminish for the next four seasons. He has his flaws (horrible defense, injury prone) but San Antonio isn't going to pick up an All-Star for spare change.

Blogger Davros said...
Anaconda, the Kings game depends on whether the Paupers are still laboring against the Black Curse of Loki that seems to have been laid upon them.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Just read this from the latest Bill Simmons mailbag:

A couple of weeks ago at a frat party, I began to get with a pretty cute girl. As the night wore on, and the drinks started flowing, she took me back to her apartment. When I entered her room, the first thing I saw was a giant Sidney Crosby poster. Without saying another word to her, I left. My buddies have never stopped making fun of me since, but I still insist that it was the proudest moment of my life as a die-hard Flyers fan. Can you please give me some consolidation, or should I have just swallowed my pride? In my defense, I would not qualify her as "hot."

It made me decide to hit the WABAC machine and ask myself: "If I were still in college, but knew and believed everything I do right now, would I bang one out with a pretty girl if I went back to her place and found a Kobe Bryant poster in her room?"

The answer: Hell yes, I would.

And I would figure out some way to bogart that poster and the Mamba jersey I know she'd have, and I would forever keep those items as mementos of the time I snunk behind enemy lines and came away with my Inglorious Bastards-style "Nazi scalp."

Man, it's clearly Beer o'clock. I'm buying. Who's up for a trip to the The Tilted Kilt in downtown Chicago?

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
I hear what you're saying about Martin NarS, but the better he plays the tougher it is going to be for the Spurs (or anyone else) to obtain him. He has typically been a great shooter and a very efficient offensive player with a style of play that won´t likely diminish for the next four seasons. He has his flaws (horrible defense, injury prone) but San Antonio isn't going to pick up an All-Star for spare change.
Oh I'm not refuting the idea. As is, I'm not convinced the Spurs have any chance of winning a title, so even a low success gamble would still be better, and this could very well work out. (The Spurs don't need any more division titles or something, so they should be in you-go-for-the-win-or-you-go-for-the-lottery mode.) If it's RJ for Kevin Martin, wouldn't that create this massive logjam in the backcourt? I'm still not sold on the Spurs' frontcourt, but if we do land Kevin Martin with RJ, I would like that Ginobili for AK47 deal even more. The downside to that is that team chemistry would take a hit. The flip side to that is the Spurs aren't missing just chemistry alone.

And I would figure out some way to bogart that poster and the Mamba jersey I know she'd have, and I would forever keep those items as mementos of the time I snunk behind enemy lines and came away with my Inglorious Bastards-style "Nazi scalp."
Would you also leave a Larry Bird poster in its place. Kind of the equivalent of a "Fuck You, courtesy of the US of A".

Blogger BadDave said...
It is the same link - but the only NS part about it is some "F" bombs and other assorted words.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Would you also leave a Larry Bird poster in its place. Kind of the equivalent of a "Fuck You, courtesy of the US of A".

Not sure I'd want to profane a Larry Legend poster in that way, knowing she would probably end up tearing it to pieces. I'd probably try to sub in a poster of King Crab, since Kobe fans seem to hate LeBron for stealing Mamba's thunder.

The more I think about it, the more I'm mad at that nameless kid for passing up such a great opportunity to be a double agent who gets laid in the process.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
I'd probably try to sub in a poster of King Crab
Is that a great impression to leave behind though? King Crab seems to imply that she should be inspecting for something...

Say, kinda off-topic. Any Super Bowl picks/rooting interests for this weekend guys?

Blogger Will said...
"Terrible analogy, because a bear skin rug was once a bear, which makes it, fundamentally speaking, much more manly than D-Wade."
How can a bear be more manly than D Wade (or any other human for that matter)? However, it is infinitely more bearly than Wade.
"Man, it's clearly Beer o'clock. I'm buying. Who's up for a trip to the The Tilted Kilt in downtown Chicago?"
Count me in. I'll be there in 5 hours if I leave now.

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
What's up with the Hubie Brown hate, random commenter who was quoted?

Better than the Three Stooges or Reggie Miller and Marv. Hubie offers actual insight into the game, not random Hannah Montana references in the middle of the playoffs.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Is that a great impression to leave behind though? King Crab seems to imply that she should be inspecting for something...

If she was really a diehard Kobe fan, I would want to leave her with that uncomfortable mix of fear, doubt and self-loathing. Of course, I would have already slept with her, so maybe the King Crab poster would be overkill...

Say, kinda off-topic. Any Super Bowl picks/rooting interests for this weekend guys?

I'm in a great but horrible position. I love the Colts AND the Saints. Obviously, I grew up in Indiana and dig Peyton Manning, so I'm a natural Colts fan. However, I'm also a Purdue guy, so Drew Brees is my boy, and I dig the city of New Orleans, so the Saints are my boys.

So no matter who wins, I win. But no matter who loses, I'll still be a little bummed.

I want Manning to win another SB to end the ridiculous Brady versus Manning debate, which should be over already (Manning is better). Plus, it would give me a great reason to go celebrate with my peeps in Indy.

I also want Drew to win his first SB...because you never know whether a team or player is going to make it back to the big game. Also, I will be in New Orleans celebrating Mardi Gras next Saturday. Imagine how off the hook it will be if the city is celebrating Mardi Gras AND a Super Bowl.

My sentimental favorite is the Saints, because the team helped rally a city that went through hell. Believe me. Last time I went to Mardi Gras was right after Katrina. That place looked more post-apocalyptic than any zombie movie I've ever seen.

My intellectual favorite is the Colts. They seem to be the better team.

Count me in. I'll be there in 5 hours if I leave now.

Dude, I'll be dead before you arrive. Clearly I need to give you more notice next time. Where are you at?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
What's up with the Hubie Brown hate, random commenter who was quoted? Better than the Three Stooges or Reggie Miller and Marv. Hubie offers actual insight into the game, not random Hannah Montana references in the middle of the playoffs.

Good point. I like Hubie. He's my favorite mummy.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I turned down a girl because she said she liked Naruto. This is pretty incomparable to the Sidney/Kobe examples though.

Anonymous Hajt said...
Thanks for the shout out to Pioneer Place. We Portlanders love being noticed.
In other news, this weekend gives us another "Why the fuck can't the Lakers win in Portland?" game to enjoy. Kobe is 4-21 in Portland during the regular season.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
I turned down a girl because she said she liked Naruto. This is pretty incomparable to the Sidney/Kobe examples though.

Okay, we need more details. Not about Naruto (although maybe some other people might want that), but about the girl (e.g., looks, personality, etc.) and the context of the situation (i.e., when, where, how, what exactly did you turn down...).

Blogger Will said...
I live in Wooster, Ohio AKA the middle of nowhere.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
In other news, this weekend gives us another "Why the fuck can't the Lakers win in Portland?" game to enjoy. Kobe is 4-21 in Portland during the regular season.

Dude, NO!! Don't tempt the fates by stat cursing your team! The Lakers don't need the help.

I live in Wooster, Ohio AKA the middle of nowhere.

Don't you mean Kokomo? No, wait. If there's a bright center of the universe, Kokomo is the point it's farthest from. Wooster is, indeed, in the middle of nowhere.

Fun facts about Wooster:

"The city of Wooster (as well as Wayne County) gained its first professional sports team when the Continental Indoor Football League announced plans to place a 2007 expansion team, the Wayne County Rumble in Wooster. However, team owner Ramone Davenport announced plans to move the team from Wayne to nearby Summit County due to a lack of suitable facilities in the area."

SAD FACE.

"For the 2007-2008 season, Wooster was granted a team in the Mid-Atlantic Hockey League called the Wooster Warriors. The MAHL suspended operations of February 2008, and the Warriors subsequently relocated to Trenton, Michigan."

DOUBLE SAD FACE.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
In other news, this weekend gives us another "Why the fuck can't the Lakers win in Portland?" game to enjoy. Kobe is 4-21 in Portland during the regular season.
Dude, NO!! Don't tempt the fates by stat cursing your team! The Lakers don't need the help.
Too late. In all likelihood, both parties will be screwed. Kobe will probably tweak something against Denver tonight, and not play against Portland, who subsequently loses to the Mamba-less Lakers.

So no matter who wins, I win. But no matter who loses, I'll still be a little bummed.
That's exactly why I posed the question. I read too much Livin' Large...
Me, I gotta go with the Saints for the rebuilt city/could be only chance for Brees to win a ring angles. Plus, if the balls had dropped a little differently, San Antonio might have gotten the Saints, so there's that too.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Bawful -- "The more I think about it, the more I'm mad at that nameless kid for passing up such a great opportunity to be a double agent who gets laid in the process."

Nah, the kid is a Flyers fan. Fuck that guy.

Will -- Chris and I have been through Wooster before, and my old boss's kids both went to college aroun there. Not as bad as some other places I know, but it's still right the border of the middle of nowhere. And it's in Ohio, which just makes it doubly sad.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
@NarS:

I don't think it would create more of a logjam. Nocioni usually plays better as a spot 4 than as a 3 and Roger Mason has played the 3 before. It might mean that Finley would get more minutes with the departure of Jefferson, which is not a good thing, but I think it's worth the gamble. In my eyes its a much better acquisition for the Spurs than the one I keep hearing about, Corey Maggette, who is essentially a slightly better Richard Jefferson with his same exact flaws.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
"Okay, we need more details. Not about Naruto (although maybe some other people might want that), but about the girl (e.g., looks, personality, etc.) and the context of the situation (i.e., when, where, how, what exactly did you turn down...)."


Unfortunately, this story involves too many embarassing pre-requisites and is anti-climatic. But her description fit the one from Simmons' mailbag, pretty cute, for a Naruto fan atleast, not hot.

Blogger BadDave said...
www.captainforever.com

Just in case tonight's games are that bad.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
In my eyes its a much better acquisition for the Spurs than the one I keep hearing about, Corey Maggette, who is essentially a slightly better Richard Jefferson with his same exact flaws.
Yoikes! Bad Porn? That's like...ye gods, I can't even bring myself to describe the horror.

Blogger laurance said...
http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=yk2rzs9


plus nine? only?

I want the lakers to make this trade. get to work front office.

Blogger Ash B said...
Hellshocked, you aren't watching the games if you think that Richard Jefferson can provide anywhere close to the offensive production of Corey Maggette. If you were going by PER alone, Maggette is the 12th best player in the West!

Corey is shooting 52% from the field (compared to RJ's 45%) and gets to the line a whopping FIVE more times per game over RJ.

They play the same minutes, yet Corey grabs over three rebounds more per game, as well as netting a half assist more than RJ.

And I know PER is mostly useless, but when comparing two players who play the same minutes it can be illuminating. Maggette has a 21.8 PER, while RJ is at 12.4, well below the league average.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
From ESPN's Weekend Dime by Marc Stein: As for a Wizards-Rockets deal, one source with knowledge of the talks says the obstacles preventing the teams from closing in on a McGrady deal haven't changed much. The Wizards are believed to be willing to surrender coveted center Brendan Haywood along with Butler but want a player from Houston's scrappy core -- such as Luis Scola, Carl Landry or Shane Battier -- that the Rockets aren't willing to surrender in addition to McGrady's $22.5 million expiring contract.

Wait what? The Rockets don't want to surrender Battier for Haywood AND Tough Juice? Is an even older Battier and cap space better than Haywood and Butler next year?

Blogger Wolfe said...
What about this trade?

http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=yh634y9

It would let the Hawks to start next line up:

G: Cedric "Lacktion II: Electric Boogaloo" Jackson
SG: Mario West
SF: Steve Novak
PF: Darnell Lacktion Jackson
C: Faboulous Fabricio Oberto

Coach: Chris.

I'd rather prefer to form this team on the Clippers, but you can't trade Mario, and you must have Mario in a real Most-Lacktator-ever team.

Anonymous Cameron said...
My god, have the clippers actually approached ISIAH THOMAS????

http://msn.foxsports.com/cbk/story/Los-Angeles-Clippers-Isiah-Thomas-020510

This seems like something that would be in The Onion, and I guess the Clippers really are who we they thought they were.

Blogger Andrei said...
Hey Bawful, I know we focus on the pros here, but have you been following the Boilermakers basketball this year? Getting pumped up about the showdown with the Spartans?

Blogger Will said...
More fun facts about Wooster: David Bowie's son went to college here.
Those teams left before I moved here, so I don't know much about that. There is a junior hockey team that plays at the high school and the facilities there are pretty good.
As far as pictures of Mike Dunleavy check out this site.
http://gamecocksonline.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/gamecock-greats.html
If you scroll down three rows past Dunleavy, there is someone chris would like.

Blogger Fishy said...
I like how Alston looks like he's laughing at Beasley in the main pic :P

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Cortez: The NBA fan in me wants to have a good discussion on this matter

but the heatfan in me supersedes that and makes me say "fuck off" and then have me run into my room and cry in front of my d wade poster

*sigh*

"He's simply a guy who likes to ham it up for the refs, camera and fans. Crumpling to the ground for an entire offense to defense transition as if Danny Trejo tossed a dagger in his gut when, as you can see once he gets up, he wasn't hurt at all and was simply looking for a call that should not have been called in the first place or trying to cover up for an epic fail on an ill-conceived move."

I consider that a "diva" rather than a pussy which I'll sadly admit D-wade has become playing with these guys. He does that pouting act and it gets old when he doesn't get back on D.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bawful you should rejoice, Isaiah "I single handedly destroyed the Knicks" Thomas is supposedly back to run,who else but the Clippers.

http://msn.foxsports.com/cbk/story/Los-Angeles-Clippers-Isiah-Thomas-020510

Blogger Preveen said...
Might be a little late on this, but I don't see Shaq committing a foul on that first vid. At the most, I see him straighten his right knee a little in the slow mo replays. Unless your talking about him raising his arms. I watched it multiple times to make sure my mega Shaq fandom wasn't getting in the way. If anything, they should have called Wade for the offensive running smack into the big guy's gut like that. But I'm gonna excuse he for staying down. Looks like he might have contacted his ... umm, Man Region on Shaq's knee or thigh.

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
Wow, BadDave, how have I not heard of that before. I forgot how much I loved you, until just now.

Two tickets for 'Dear John' please?

What's that? Channing Tatum used to be a male stripper? And yet his films are successful because women are fools? Indeed.

www.filmdrunk.com

For slightly wittier insight than this (I am not affiliated with that website in any way)

Blogger chris said...
Ginobili for Mr. Discount Store...somehow doesn't actually seem like it will do enough to be worthwhile from the paupers' standpoint, if only because the SIGNIFICANT lack of talent at all positions other than "Tyrke-style guard, since we don't know if he's a PG or SG" has to be addressed, and Ginobili, like the rest of the Spurs, is simply old.

Damn good, and probably an automatic starter in Sacramento without question, but I don't know if it'll suddenly turn all those close losses against good teams into wins, and thus make the paupers a playoff team next year, thus guaranteeing their survival in this market, yadda yadda...

---

AHL: And here we were hoping for "Livin' Large: Anime Edition!"

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
AshB:

Maggette is a mediocre outside shooter who needs the ball in his hands in order to get his. Richard Jefferson is a mediocre outside shooter who needs the ball in his hands in order to get his. Both are very athletic but neither of them is the kind of guy who fits in seamlessly in San Antonio's offense, which is predicated on ball movement, moving without the ball, pounding the ball down low to Duncan and knocking down the ensuing open jumpers or cutting to the rim for relatively easy buckets. They are essentially lane fillers and iso players. Put Jefferson in Golden State's stat stuffing open system and his numbers would be very similar to Bad Porn's.

Maggette would be a decent 6th man for the Spurs but the numbers he would generate wouldn't be much better than Jefferson's.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Chris:

Ginobili would be a much better fit than Martin next to definitely not a point guard Tyreke Evans, but his deal expires this year. Sacramento's benefit would be mostly financial (getting rid of Evans and Nocioni's long term deals for an expiring contract).

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
chris: Gak. I don't know if you realize what you just wrote, but I've seen people in their own Livin' Large: Anime Editions and it's less humor and more laughing at the grotesque situation.

In other words, that means the title is literal and the girls are hambeasts.

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