Nightmare fuel

So, it's Mardi Gras. And yet I'm stuck looking at snow for either the 11th, 12th, or 13th consecutive day (I lost count. Sigh.) Meanwhile, our head writer/editor is in a warm weather climate, drinking until most of his fine motor skills cease to function properly. No, I'm not bitter, why do you ask?

It's the first night of NBA games since the All-Star break. Let's get to it.

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Today's trade is, sadly, a real trade.
Frail Blazers receive: Marcus Camby
Clippers receive: Steve Blake, Travis Outlaw, $1.5mil cash, and Portland will be responsible for $2mil in Camby's incentives

Portland is obviously delighted to get a big man to help fill in the gap created by injuries to Greg Oden and Joel Pryzbilla (and no, Juwan Howard's mummified remains aren't a very reliable stopgap). However, this trade is just an abomination from the Clippers' point of view.

Marcus Camby did not want to be traded, and the Clippers did not inform him in advance that they were going to move him. And even worse, what exactly does LA stand to gain from this trade? A backup point guard, and someone who has been injured this season. Shouldn't a 7-footer who is a reasonable defender and excellent rebounder be a fairly prized commodity? Shouldn't you be able to set his value pretty high just by waiting a little closer to the deadline and negotiating deals between several different teams?

Oh, wait. As noted by Bill Simmons, the $1.5 million in cash "covers 55% of Sterling's racial discrimination settlement." So there you go. Now the trade makes perfect sense!

(And isn't it nice just to see Mike Dumbleavy continuing to bring us bawful entertainment even if he isn't coaching anymore?)

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

Dirk and Kaman get ready for the junior prom
(via Steve Nash)

Can somebody tell me why Clutch wasn't in the Celebrity Game playing alongside Chris Tucker?

Nationally Televised Games:
Suns at Grizzlies: I don't give a crap about this game. I just want to see what team gets suckered into taking Amar''''e and gives him a max contract he doesn't deserve. The sooner, the better!

All The Other Games:
Heat at 76ers: Bad news: the Heat have dropped six straight in Philly. Good news? Iverson's back, so Philly can now go back to losing games.

Nyets at Bobcats: Come on, 4-49! Come on, 4-49!

Timberwolves at Pistons: I have to quote this preview because it made me laugh: "With a sub-.500 record, the Detroit Pistons find themselves in an atypical position coming out of the All-Star break. There's nothing unusual about the Minnesota Timberwolves having a losing record at All-Star weekend, though."

Knicks at Bulls: Rose is tight and sore after playing in the All-Star game while hurt, and Joakim Noah still is battling plantar fasciitis. New York is still battling a case of being the Knicks, so that kinda balances things out.

Mavericks at Thunder: Will Dallas benefit from the Caron Butler trade (which helped further turn the Bullets into a real-life version of our Null-Star team)? This is our first chance to see if it helps them remember how to play defense.

Jazz at Rockets: Rumors have Knee-Mac getting shipped to New York. I'm sure the Rockets players will be on Cloud 9 and will play their asses off in this game if the trade suddenly goes down this afternoon.

Clippers at Frail Blazers: I like how the Clippers/Blazers trade happened when the Clips were already in Portland. It saved Donald Sterling a few bucks in long distance phone charges, and I'm sure he appreciates that.

Celtics at Kings: It has now been one year since Kevin Garnett jacked up his knee and began Boston's gradual decline. Excuse me while I go drink until I can't feel feelings.

Warriors at Lakers: Ellis an Maggette both are questionable at best for this game. At what point do we have to start pulling random fans out of the stands to fill the bench for the Warriors?

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Anonymous Wanker said...
Mike James is that bad:

A submission for bawful trade of the day (or bawful trade machine analysis of the day).

Wizards get:
-Etan Thomas expiring contract
-Matt Harpring's insurance-covered expiring contract
-Kyle Weaver
-Under the tax threshold
-A Projected minus-7 wins

Thunder get:
-Antawn Jamison
-Mike James's expiring contract
-A Projected minus-16 wins

So the Thunder get Antawn Jamison, lose no core players (they'd probably have to throw in some picks to make it work), and it makes their team significantly worse?

The only explanation I can think of is that the trade machine thinks OKC would actually play Mike James (or that Etan Thomas actually plays these days).

Blogger chris said...
Camby NOT wanting to be traded out of Clipperland should speak volumes about his current mental state: HUH!??!?!

Blogger chris said...
BTW, why pick this BAD preview night to be sorrowful about the C's? Even if the group from the Back Bay Retirement Home plays without their ACLs, they probably could pick apart the purple paupers (whose best victories have come against bawful teams, of course).

Blogger Will said...
chris- don't forget the Nuggs! (or are you saying that they too are bawful?)

Having Camby on one of my fantasy teams, this trade intrigues me. I don't think his production will change much in either way. If anything he will score a couple more points a game, I think.

Blogger Ash said...
Classy players usually say that they'd rather not be traded, of course.

Also, LA is actually a really good place to live. See: housing prices.

Either way, let's get ready for Travis Outlaw jacking up mid-range jump shots instead of Al Thornton!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I can't remember if it was here or another forum, but I think I wrote almost those exact same words about Stoudemire. Sure the Suns front office is handling this worse than a virgin unclasping a bra in the dark, but I'll feel bad for which ever team ends up with him and giving him the max.

If he's not traded by tonight, I may have to write an Onion-esque fake trade news report.

Amar'''''e get out.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
I still don't see why Cleveland would want to mess up their chemistry. I mean they're on a what? 13 game win streak? Also, we wont be able to see the Nike puppet commercial with Lebron and Z anymore!!!

As for Miami, I'd rather not give Beasley and see him flourish with a competent coach and Steve Nash.

Blogger chris said...
Ash B: That may be true, but Kim Hughes already hinting out as soon as he got promoted was awesome.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think the Cavs are willing to give him the max if it means LeBron will be more inclined to stay. The revenue that would walk out the door with LeBron would more than pay for STAT's contract.

Anonymous Brian said...
Wanker: The reason for the Thunder getting -16 wins is because Kyle Weaver has a PER of 31.

Anonymous A. said...
No mention of Bruce Bowen next to Clutch?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Over/under on the number games before Camby gets injured?

Anonymous Anonymous said...


Maybe the rumors that Jordan wants to buy the team inspired the Nyets.

Blogger Dan B. said...

Chris -- BTW, why pick this BAD preview night to be sorrowful about the C's? I saw a mention earlier today that Garnett's knee injury was immediately after the All-Star game one year ago. Plus I don't feel confident about the Celtics beating anybody anymore.

Blogger Unknown said...
and then the Frailblazer curse hits Camby and he also gets injured.

I will laugh.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Definite WoTN for the Bricks _efence tonight.. D-Rose, in 27 minutes, goes 14-18 from the floor for 29 points?!? Yikes. I know he's an all-star, but if his stat line was any more efficient he'd be playing nerf ball with 2-year olds.

Blogger Dan B. said...
if his stat line was any more efficient he'd be playing nerf ball with 2-year olds.

Come on, dude. Those lightweight Nerf balls don't fly straight for anything. It's hard as shit to sink anything further back than a 6 footer with that thing!

(And yes, I have a dollar store off-brand Nerf hoop in my basement next to the broken pop-a-shot arcade basketball game my boss gave to me.)

Anonymous kazam92 said...
I think 40% of Nyet victory involves the Bobcats

Anonymous AznChamp said...

Haha, have you seen this already? It's so hilarious! Just posting it in case you haven't.

Anonymous FarmerTome said...
4 missed freebies by the Paupers

Anonymous FarmerTome said...
And, when they try to miss FTs, they make them! Go Kings!

Blogger Preveen said...
Dan, you certainly have a talent at stat-cursing. You deny the Nets their shot at history if you keep this up :P

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow Marc Gasol had a terrible shooting night, 4-12 fg and an absolutely disgusting 3-11 from the line.

Blogger chris said...
And Dan, I guess the C's were able to get through "activity time" at the convalescent home and survive their evening walk at Arco Arena against the young, youthful, athletic but completely inexperienced purple paupers.


Blogger chris said...
as for the nyets winning...

huge huge facepalm. ugh

Anonymous Barry said...
This Garnett.....it hurts me physically. He walks around like the guy from Allo Allo.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
The Clippers have been looking for a backup point guard forever, and Blake is among the best, but I think they let their seemingly permanent need for a small forward cloud their judgement when trading Camby. This guy isn't just a decent rebounder/shotblocker, he is a 9 million expiring contract. As for the Blazers, well, I look for Mr. Glass to suddenly tear his ACL during practice today or tomorrow given their luck this year and Camby's history.

I have a feeling the Knicks will decimate their team in order to get way, way under the cap, whiff on Lebron/Wade/Bosh and wind up giving max deals to David Lee and Joe Johnson or something like that just so they don't look like (bigger) idiots.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
HellShocked: The highly rumored McGrady for Jeffries and Hill deal brings the Knicks down to $17.7 mill next year, meaning two max contracts can fit. Supposedly, the only part of the deal left is agreeing on what protections to put on the picks.

Give the Knicks credit, thia is pretty ballsy, even if inspired by desperation.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...

I know, and I suppose some credit must be given to them for fully commiting, kind of. The problem as I see it is that they have absolutely no control over what happens this summer. They can offer all the money and endorsement opportunities in the world but it still comes down to the players to decide if playing in NY is worth it, and they won't have much of a team to speak of to entice them. Hell, they don't even have a lottery pick this season since Utah owns it.

If they miss out on LebronWadeBosh they really have no way to rebuild their team in the short term. It seems crazy to me to pool your money together and place a gigantic bet for your entire future on not one but TWO long shots coming through simultaneously. Even to a gambling addict that is an insane way to go about things.

What are they going to do with all that cap space if they don't land any of the big 3? Like I said, my guess is they pull a Detroit and blow money on subpar players just so they can say they got something for their years of cost cutting and misery. I figure they would rather win 35 games for the next 5 years than 15 games for the next two while they find a way to rebuild yet again.

Interestingly enough, the proposed deal also saves Houston quite a bit of money, gets them under the cap and lands them a Rockets type player (Jeffries) who should be a decent back of the rotation player in that system. I thought they would get more for a 22 million dollar expiring contract, but they are no dummies down there.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'll provide some insight into why Camby doesn't want to leave the Clips.

It's the easiest money in basketball. There are no expectations playing for the Clippers. If you win, it's steak night! If you lose, it's seafood. Sound win-win to me.

Now he goes to Portland, to play for the team that once included a suprisingly good lineup of Clyde the Glide, Terry Porter, Kevin Duckworth, Cliff Robinson, Danny Ainge, Buck Williams, and Jerome Kersey. Oh, and Drazen Petrovic! ...But I digress. That team has set the stage of expectations in that city that have never went away. And now the likes of Henry Abbott and these guys expect their players to, you know, play. Going to the Clippers was a vacation for Camby after playing for a few years in thin oxygen.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Why was I not made aware of these videos earlier? Jared Dudley - Most Athletic Hands in History. Although Amar''''''e's cameo is great, I still want him to get out.

Blogger chris said...
BadDave: Well, look at what leaving the Clips did for Z-Bo, even in the not-so-hot-for-Association-ball market that is Memphis: it forced him to WORK again!

Anonymous cj mckinney said...
Hey, I have Chris Kaman on my fantasy league, checking out the "breaking news" under Chris Kaman after going 1-6 and getting 7 TOs, I saw this...somethings not right with this information.