Make sure you come back later tonight and throughout the weekend for BAD, but in the meantime, we have a very special gift for you.

In addition to the All-Star Game, Dunk Contest, HORSE contest, etc. this weekend, there is one more activity that stands above the rest...

Basketbawful presents the 2010 Bawful Null-Star Game, presented by PowerBar, VitaminWater, and of course Sprite and T-Mobile whose names are plastered absolutely everywhere in NBA 2K10.

The home team was selected through a highly sophisticated randomization method (I flipped a coin). The Eastern Conference Null-Stars ended up being declared the home team. The game was played in NBA 2K10 with five-minute quarters because referees could not be expected to stay awake for that long.

The rosters for this game were carefully chosen, with great research put into determining who should best represent the Assocation's large group of lacktators. (Yes, I find this delightfully ironic, considering Chris and I put effort into examining something that is often centered around not expending effort). Most players are current lacktators, but we had to honor some legendary lacktators, such as Mario West and Cheikh Samb. Also, sadly, Cedric "Lacktion II: Electric Boogaloo" Jackson was not eligible since he has played such a short time in only the past couple weeks. (In other words, he wasn't in the game yet and I didn't feel like firing up the Create a Player tool. I had already spent way too much effort creating the teams, picking rosters, filming the game, editing the videos, and uploading them. I'm sure you understand)

Starting for the Eastern Conference Null-Stars:
Dominic McGuire, SF (Bullets)
Darnell Jackson, PF (Crabs)
Fabricio Oberto, C (Bullets)
Mario West, SG (Hawks)
Jeff Teague, PG (Hawks)

The Eastern Conference reserves:
Tarence Kinsey, Jawad Williams, Darko Milicic, Jason Kapono, Desagana Diop, Brian Scalabrine, and Cheikh Samb

Starting for the Western Conference Null-Stars:
Quinton Ross, SF (Mavericks)
Steve Novak, PF (Clippers)
DJ Mbenga, C (Lakers)
Malik Hairston, SG (Spurs)
Sasha Vujacic, PG (Lakers)

The Western Conference reserves:
Pops Mensah-Bonsu, Adam Morrison, Josh Powell, Brian Cardinal, Kyrylo Fesenko, Kosta Koufos, and Sun Yue

In case you're wondering, Jake Voskuhl was the reserve in case any of the players had to miss the Null-Star game due to unforseen circumstances such as injury, a debilitating VitaminWater addiction, getting suspended due to using PEBs (Performance Enhancing PowerBars), or staying home due to general apathy. He did not, however, get to play, and that is sad.

Are you ready to see lots of turnovers and bad jumpers? Watch the whole game below! Calling the action for BawfulTV are Kevin Harlan and Clark Kellogg, with Cheryl Miller on the sidelines.

(Note: the action picks up and the intensity level rises as the game goes on, of course, but even the first half is worth watching. The entire game is full of comedically bad basketball, including dribbling out of bounds, and a foul on a three-point shot in the first half!)

First Quarter

Second Quarter

Third Quarter

Fourth Quarter


Box Score:
western-box-score
eastern-box-score
Lacktion Report:For the Eastern Conference, Brian Scalabrine threw the rock away for a +1 in 3 minutes. For the Western Conference, Brian Cardinal cashed in on his Null-Star status for 4 trillion.

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41 Comments:
Anonymous CaptainHomeless said...
The West Team's logo totally looks like a hamburger with eyes ... which is awesome.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
First quarter review:

I love the opening sequence with Vujacic dribbling the ball like a madman or just standing around doing nothing; it demonstrates lacktion and his douchebaggery to the maximum. It's hilarious that even given the chance to play, none of these lacktators actually want to take shots.
What a first quarter for Mario West, with 3 rebounds! He must have a win score of like 1.5 per 48 minutes!

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Oh, and I forgot to add that the Milicic 3-second violation was very bawesome. I love how he still wanted to take a shot, and then started walking away with the ball. Please tell me you'll make a Ha Seung Jin style mix for Milicic Dan B

Blogger Will said...
Shouldn't it be PDP (Performance Destroying PowerBars)? I think that is what could get you removed from the Null-Star Game.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
"Morrison, from 11 feet away!...[no good]" Is there any better way of describing his career?

Quick aside Dan B. It would have been awesome if Mario West was a reserve, and got called up to serve Mario duties!

Anonymous AdriĆ  said...
Who was the MBP (Most Bawful Player)?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Dan B. -- Dude, the game was everything I dreamed it couldn't be. From the first possession (a shot block/24-second violation) to the horrific final tally (41-23, East Null-Stars), it was pure, unfiltered, wonderful bawful.

I thanks you and salute you.

Blogger Dan B. said...
NarSARSist -- I thought about that, but then decided the most entertaining way for this game to go down was to take everyone out of their comfort zones. The people used to playing more significant minutes got to come off the bench and vice versa. I think that worked out well. I too loved how nobody wanted to take shots. I even cranked up the tendancy to drive the lane and reduced the tendancy to put up threes, and they still dribbled out the shot clock and heaved up awful 30 footers on most possessions.

AdriĆ  -- Steve Novak gets my vote. His brick-laying was so phenomenal he's getting calls from contractors to build houses.

Bawful -- The only way it could have been better is if we convinced David Stern to actually hold this game in real life.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
"Somebody needs to knock down a shot. So far it has not been pretty." -- Mark Jackson

Blogger Will said...
Dan B and Adria- I think Malik Hairston should be MBP. He went 1-6, comitted the most TOs and half the fouls (1 of 2, but still).
WV: untat. I'm gonna try to make that slang for uncool.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
You know, I'd always wondered whether my eyeballs could orgasm. Well, consider that question answered, my friends.

Blogger chris said...
Will: Doesn't "untat" also refer to "not being the Birdman"?

Blogger chris said...
BTW, it hit me as I started watching this...

Most of these lacktators will never get as many minutes in their whole careers as they do in this virtual null-star fest.

:O

Blogger Kevin said...
Bawful, one small thing about your rosters. Pops Mensah-Bonsu is actually currently on the Raptors so he should be on the Eastern team, not the Western

Blogger Dan B. said...
Will -- Good point on Hairston. His turnovers were pretty bad, and fouling Darko Milicic is just inexcusable. However, Novak attempted THREE treys and made none of them, compared to Hairston's one failed three point attempt. Novak just went into SWAC mode and jacked up lots of ugly shots from downtown. Maybe they're co-MBPs?

Blogger Dan B. said...
Kevin -- Damn. I knew he was with the Rockets recently and didn't think to check and see what team he was currently on.

Anonymous Barry said...
There's decent shot selection, just a lack of talent to actually follow it through. Quite a lot of crowd though, I can imagine them camping outside just waiting to get a ticket.

Novak being fouled by Oberto - camera pans back to the bench and you could just feel the pixelated facepalmness with the coaching staff.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Actually, Pops isn't on the Raptors anymore either, he's playing for CSKA Moscow, but not surprising most people don't realize he's out of the league since he has earned the right to play in this game.

Blogger Adam said...
Creepy eyes at 3:30 in the first quarter...

Well, creepy eyes everywhere but that was the face of a predator.

Blogger Will said...
Dan B: Potato-Potahto, we're all winners with this game.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Adam -- No joke. That guy might as well have just had "child molestor" tattooed on his forehead.

Blogger BadDave said...
Bawful - wouldn't that be an eyegasm?

I think that this game already had more attendance than the last Nyets game.

Dan B - we did convice Stern to hold this game. Nyets vs. Clippers.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Creepy eyes at 3:30 in the first quarter...

DUDE! I saw that and almost did a screen capture! Very creepy eyes...

Bawful - wouldn't that be an eyegasm?

Yes. Yes, it would.

Anonymous Joey B said...
Did the bawfulness spill over to the stat sheet? Kapono makes 3 shots but only scores 4 points? Darko only makes 2 field goals but scores 8 points? Kinsey scores 9 points on 3 shots? Maybe the PTS column is for pure bawful scores? Or maybe I'm a math nerd? Both?

Blogger Dan B. said...
Joey -- Sigh. That's what happens when you fuck something up when typing it out in Excel and try to go back and fix it. Not pretty. (A few of my columns got converted from numbers to the wrong format and I couldn't back-convert them and had to basically retype the whole thing and fat-fingered it constantly despite the fact that my fingers are skinny. I hate you, Excel 2007) I'll have to go back and find the screenshots I took of the awful box score sheets in the game and fix it some other time.

Anonymous Joey B said...
Dan B.- sorry, I saw Jason Kapono playing 8 minutes and quickly realized something was very wrong. Eddie would never allow Jason to be on the court for that long without sub-ing in a whole different rotation for no reason.

Blogger Jas said...
Even the box score is bawful. The East shows 41 points but if you add the numbers its 45. Kinsey 3-5 FG, 1-2 3PM for 9 points?

Bawful all over this ballgame

Blogger Dan B. said...
The box score should now be updated and corrected. And no, Jason Kapono playing 8 minutes is not a typo.

Blogger DocZeus said...
Jawad Williams has been too useful for the Cavs to qualify for the lacktion all-stars. He's an actual serviceable NBA player. Our baby is all growns up.

Blogger DocZeus said...
Is it a bad sign for the Lakers that their entire bench except for Odom and Walton are playing in this game? I would say so.

Anonymous Andy said...
NBA 2k10-

In the spirit of bawfullness, the epic fail of this years NJ Nyets and your affinity for video game hoops I recommend creating a team full of players that is to either be played by you or simulated and see if you can create a worse team than the Nyets. Do you accept my challenge?

Blogger Austen said...
Kosta Koufos not playing for the Western Null-Stars due to Coach's Decision is hilarious considering that actually happens in the real NBA. ^_^

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
This is glorious.

Anonymous Phanistan said...
Watching the NSG reminded me a bawful lot of the celebrity all star game...

Anonymous winnetou said...
"Gotta run away", what a fitting chorus at the start of the second quarter :)

By the way, the nba 2k10 PC patch apparently managed to sneak its way into quality assurance and could be released this month.

Anonymous Barry said...
It takes a special kind of player to be left out on a DNP-CD at the Null-Star Game.

And then again, it could've been any player on the team!

Blogger Murcy said...
@ Will: "untat" in hungarian means: this is boring me. so yeah... nice WV for a lacktion-contest comment.

Blogger AKahan said...
What program was used to capture this? I love the opening sequence where the announcer is talking about how deep the teams are. Ha.

Blogger Dan B. said...
AKahan -- I used Fraps to record the video.

Only Cheesers play that view. 2k Camera is the only way to play.

Blogger Dan B. said...
empireplateofmind@gmail.com -- I never actually play from the Broadcast view. It's disorienting to me. I play from the 2K Camera (or in My Player, the default camera angle). I used that view here since I wasn't actually playing (I just let the AI play).

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