Funny faced Brad

The New Jersey Nyets: The tragic comedy of the 2009-10 New Jersey Nyets continued last night with a 104-97 loss to the Craboliers in Cleveland. But give the Devin Harris-less Nyets credit...they shot over 50 percent from the field and didn't get blown out by a red-hot Crabs team that has now won 12 games in a row. That would constitute a moral victory for many teams in the league. Of course, when you're 4-47, things like "not slipping on banana peel" and "not stabbing self in the groin with hedge clippers" are moral victories too. That's just the kind of nightmare season it's been in New Jersey.

Compounding the continuing misery of the Nyets, coach Kiki Vandeweghe benched Chris Douglas-Roberts for reasons unknown. Maybe it's the hyphenated name. Remember: Kiki is old-school. He probably doesn't understand why a man would ever have a hyphenated name.

Said Douglas-Roberts: "You get surprised a lot in the league. It is what it is. Things don't work out all the time. I guess I'm out of the rotation."

Douglas-Roberts doesn't plan to pull a "Tirade Thomas" on Vandeweghe, though.

"Absolutely not. I don't think talks really do anything. I've probably had the most talks with him on the team. But they don't do nothing."

Ah...the New Jersey Nyets. They truly are what Basketbawful is all about.

By the way, just to provide an update, the Nyets are now 27-87 since Devin Harris said "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" last season.

LeBron James, quote machine: After beating the Nyets -- who, again, are 4-47 -- King Crab said: "To have a 12-game winning streak against the best competition in the world is impressive."

Joe Dumars: His Pistons eked out a win over the Bucks, but John Hollinger really gave it to him yesterday (via TrueHoop):

Check out the résumé and find me a correct decision. Just one. Fire Saunders? Wrong. Hire Michael Curry? Wrong. Trade Chauncey Billups? Wrong. Extend Richard Hamilton? Wrong. Sign Kwame Brown? Wrong. Go after Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva? Wrong again.

In two years, the Pistons have gone from one of the best teams in basketball to among the worst. They stink, they're capped out, and they don't have much in the way of young talent; for all we know, in two years they're going to be the Pittsburgh Pisces or the Seattle Grunge or something. If Isiah Thomas or Rob Babcock had done this, we'd have buried them alive by now, so it's only fair for us to point out that regardless of his previous track record, Dumars is on a two-year losing streak of McHalian proportions.
In all fairness to Kevin McHale, he only failed to build a good team. Dumars destroyed a good team and created crap from its ashes.

The Indiana Pacers: Ah, I can always count on my homestate Pacers to fail. Indy scored 60 points in the first half and had 86 after three quarters. Then, in the fourth quarter, they shot 33 percent, committed 6 turnvoers and finished the period with only 15 points. Which, as it turns out, wasn't enough to pull out a win over the Bulls. Mind you, Chicago entered the game with an all-time record of 3-17 at Conseco Fieldhouse.

The fourth quarter was a microcosm of why the Pacers are so bad. They have to masquerade Earl Watson and T.J. Ford as point guards, which is kind of like playing without one. Danny Granger is awesome, but all he could do at the end of the contest was chuck up long-range jumpers. Roy Hibbert should have had his way inside, but all he wanted to do was turn and fling jump hooks in the general direction of the rim.

All in all, it's been a rough few days for the people of Indianapolis.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: The Timberpoops got there butts whupped 119-97 by the Philadelphia 76ers, who shot over 57 percent and outscored Minny 58-34 in the paint.

It was a real defensive fail by the Timberpoops, who gave up 43 points in the second quarter and 73 in the first half. Those were both season-highs for Philly, who scored 40 first-quarter points in an October 31 game at New York and had 71 first-half points on December 14 against the Gol_en State Warriors. It's always fun when, in the course of busting on one team, I can also bust on the Bricks and Warriors at the same time. I'm pretty sure that raises my Bawful Efficiency Rating (BER) by, like, some kind of percent or something.

Complained Minnesota coach Kurt Rambis: "I wish I could blame everything on the second quarter. I don't think we came out and played hard from the beginning. I was disappointed with the effort overall. They played harder than us and we turned the ball over way too much."

I too wish you could blame everything on that second quarter, Kurt. But you guys have kind of sucked all season long.

Speaking of sucking all season long, the Sixers have...until now. Philly has now won a season-high five games in a row, which includes winning back-to-back home games for the first time this season. In related news, Allen Iverson has missed the last four games to tend to his ill daughter. As always, I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'.

Eddie Jordan, quote machine: Regarding his team's recent success: "I have happy we have got a little bit of a wave, but I am not going to be really happy until we get to .500. Right now, it's good that we're playing with a good personality and a good mindset." That's right, folks. He has happy..

The _allas Mavericks: After a one-point win over the woeful Bullets on January 20, Jason Kidd said: "Winning on a defensive possession, you wouldn't say that in the past about the Mavericks. It would be us trying to get a basket on the other end. This year, we've really focused on playing defense. We looked at the last champions and said, 'Hey, they all played defense.' So that's what we're focused on right now."

The new era of Defense in Dallas ended pretty much right after those words left J-Kidd's mouth. In their last eight games, the Mavs are 3-5 and have given up 107, 112, 114, 104, 101, 117, 117 and finally 127 points in last night's 36-point loss in Denver. Mind you, the Nuggets shot better than 60 percent from the field and from beyond the arc.

Hands? Faces? Anyone? Bueller?

Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle thinks a big reason for this latest drubbing was the absence of...Erick Dampier? Oh yes. Said Carlisle: "Dampier's a very important part of our team. Not having him tonight, it makes it a lot tougher with guys like Nene and the Birdman [Andersen]."

Okay.

The Houston Rockets: It's fitting that the Rockets were playing the Heat last night, because they are my new pick for the league's leading Bipolar Girlfriend Team. One night they're up, the next they're down. One day they look great, the next they look awful. Rinse and repeat. Well, last night was one of the bad ones, as they lost to the Heat 99-66.

I know the Rockets played without Trevor Ariza (hip pointer) and Kyle Lowry, but damn! Miami's 56-31 halftime lead reset the Heat's season-high for halftime leads. Houston shot 30 percent, missed 14 of their 18 three-point attempts and gave up 17 points off 16 turnovers. And I suppose it goes without saying that the 66 points were a season-low. It says something when the Nyets looked about 100 times better than the Rockets did last night. Gak.

The New York Knicks: The Bricks entered last night's game against the Excremento Kings with a record of 19-31. I'm not a mathmatologist, but it sure looks to me like they're on course for yet another 30-win season. Even worse, they're pulling off a truly epic fail in their audition to trick LeBron James and Superstar X into signing up to suffer in New York next season. Memo to Donnie Walsh: It ain't happening. My suggestion is to start working on Plan B, which I can only assume includes slipping on a ski mask, climbing out a back window and disappearing into the night.

But hey, at least the Bricks had a home game against the Kings, who were only 3-20 since their 35-point comeback in Chicago. That had to be a gimmie, right?! It sure looked that way, especially when New York went up 98-83 lead with 7:36 to play. The Bricks then went on to lose 118-114 in overtime.

FAIL.

Said Mike 'Antoni: "It went from 15 to seven in about 30 seconds and then we got tight and didn't play well and they beat us. Somehow our spirit is all messed up."

Live by offense, die by offense. The Kings -- Tyreke Evans in particular -- started pushing the ball at every opportunity. Sure it took them three and a half quarters to figure out the Bricks don't play defense, but once they did...

Evans -- who finished with 27 points, 10 rebounds and six assists, and scored 12 points in the final seven minutes of regulation -- said: "They just weren't doing a good job of getting back. Every time I got the rebound I pushed it and, when I saw an open lane, I attacked it or kicked it out to an open guy."

Added Kevin Martin: "We just kept on believing and we knew it was just a matter of time. The Knicks keep on attacking the basket and they let you back in the game, and that's what our game plan was in the last six minutes of the game and overtime."

It's never good when a team that has won three games in the last couple months assumes you're going to collapse at home.

Larry Hughes: Just when it looked like Big Shot Larry had worked his way back into 'Antoni's rotation, he misses a game with...a sprained big toe. I am not fucking kidding.

Paul Westphal, quote machine: "I think the people in New York got a little idea of why we like Tyreke so much. The Garden got kind of quiet when he did that little two-step slippery thing he does. It's something you don't see very often."

Speaking of which...

Jared Jeffries: Oy.


But wait, there's more! From The Other Chris:

Was anyone else watching the Bricks/Paupers game near the end of overtime? The Paupers were clinging to a 2-point lead, Krypto-Nate dribble penetrated and kicked to Jared Jeffries at the top of the circle, who promptly chucked up an ill-advised three. Which clanked short. Game over, Bricks lose, essentially.

Now the wonderful part about this sequence was that you could actually *hear* the crowd gasp with disbelief and dismay as Jeffries jacked up the three. Smart defence by the Paupers, of course.. why wouldn't you leave the guy wide open from there, we all know he can't throw it in the ocean.

The home crowd yelling at a wide open player to FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T SHOOT... a truly excellent Bawful moment.
The Memphis Grizzlies: Uh oh. Let me say that again. Uh oh. It looks like the post-Iverson bounce has come and gone. (Take note, Sixers.) After the Griz finally started getting some cred -- I mean, Z-Bo was named to the All-Star team for God's sake! -- they lose four in a row and six of seven, including last night's 108-94 defeat in Atlanta. Are...are they who we thought they were, after all?

Lionel Hollings, quote machine: Regarding the way his plan to use a zone defense in the fourth quarter totally backfired: "Jamal Crawford got going and made a lot of shots." The Hawks shot 55.4 percent as a team, by the way.

The Portland Frail Blazers: Basketbawful reader Hajt gave us a snapshot of why the still Brandon Roy-less Frail Blazers got thumped last night:

Blazers-Thunder box score is incredibly depressing. Look at those turnovers and 3 point shooting. From Blazersedge, here is what Portland did while James Hardin scored 13 straight: Missed three; Shot blocked; Bayless converts layup; Missed 20-footer; Turnover; Turnover; Turnover; Shot blocked; Missed three; Turnover; Shot clock violation; Shot blocked; Missed three. Please give us Roy or a center.
The Los Angeles Clippers: Speaking of teams who are who we thought they were...the Clippers lost their second straight post-Dunleavy game, this time a 109-99 home defeat to the Utah Jazz.

Carlos Boozer, captain obvious: "We felt at halftime that if we started playing defense at some point, we'll have a chance."

Good call.

The Associated Press: From Basketbawful reader Phil: "From the Clippers - Jazz AP recap: 'Utah is 10-12 on the road, and will play 19 of their final 31 games away from the Salt Palace.' I'm not sure which reporter the AP defrosted from cryogenic freezing for this article but the Jazz haven't played at the Salt Palace since 1991."

NBA.com, unintentionally dirty headline machine: The following headline was nominated by Basketbawful reader Hellshocked: "Utah wins its ninth straight as Boozer pounds on Kaman, Clippers for 34 points."

Kobe Bryant: Parties and boobs. Read all about it.

Kobe and boobs

Brady Morningstar: I'm not much for college ball -- unless the Boilermakers are involved -- but I couldn't not post this video. Worst free throw attempt ever.


"The ball was wet," Morningstar told the Lawrence Journal-World. "It slipped on the way up. I was so confused. I could have caught it and came down with it, but I'd have stepped on the line. I tried to shoot a little jump shot so I didn't cross the line."

"I looked pretty stupid there," he added. "We laughed about it in the locker room just now."

And we are laughing at it here. Thanks, Brady.

Lacktion report: Chris celebrated a rare Sactown victory the same way he celebrates their defeats...by giving us lacktion.

Bullets-Bobcats: JaVale McGee's 2.4 trillion (2:24) take should be more than enough to restock his financial arsenal.

Bulls-Pacers: Indiana's Luther Head stamped a thesis onto one brick for a +1 in 6:19.

Wolves-Sixers: Alexsandr "Sasha" Pavlovic fouled once and bricked twice (once from the Grand Lodge) for a +3 in 6:51. For Philadelphia, Marreese Speights earned a 2:0 Voskuhl in 3:14 by negating a block with a foul and giveaway, while Jason Kapono fouled once for a +1 in that same timespan.

Rockets-Heat: Joel Anthony countered five blocks and a board in 21:03 with three bricks, four fouls, and two giveaways for a 6:1 Voskuhl. Also in the Voskuhl side of the scoreboard was Houston's Joey Dorsey, who negated a board in 5:57 with a brick, two fouls, and a giveaway for a 3:1 ratio.

Hawks-Grizzlies: With a giveaway against an assist, Randolph Morris scratched out a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl in 4:26. For Memphis, DeMarre Carroll and Hasheem Thabeet shared lottery numbers tonight, as they both ended up with 1.6 trillion (1:35) prizes!

Thunder-Blazers: Jeff Pendergraph wired up a 2:1 Voskuhl in 3:12 by notching a foul and giveaway against a board.

Jazz-Clippers: Sundiata Gaines continues to spend seconds in the Mushroom Kingdom, as evidenced by a 52 second Mario that somehow involved one made free throw! Meanwhile, Steve Novak continues his stranglehold as the Association's top lacktator via a 1.15 trillion (1:10).

Labels: , ,

31 Comments:
Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Was anyone else watching the Bricks/Paupers game near the end of overtime? The Paupers were clinging to a 2-point lead, Krypto-Nate dribble penetrated and kicked to Jared Jeffries at the top of the circle, who promptly chucked up an ill-advised three. Which clanked short. Game over, Bricks lose, essentially.

Now the wonderful part about this sequence was that you could actually *hear* the crowd gasp with disbelief and dismay as Jeffries jacked up the three. Smart defence by the Paupers, of course.. why wouldn't you leave the guy wide open from there, we all know he can't throw it in the ocean.

The home crowd yelling at a wide open player to FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T SHOOT... a truly excellent Bawful moment.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Bawful -- I guess I need to start embedding Youtube videos instead of just linking them in my BAD posts so people actually see them. Otherwise, my jokes about looking worse than Chuck Hayes get overlooked, and that's just a shame because any excuse to make fun of Chuck Hayes free throws is a good excuse.

By the way, was hyphenating "old-school" intentional when talking about hyphenated names? If so, bravo. If not, I still laughed at it anyway.

The other Jared Jeffries "highlight" of the night? A really long three that missed badly late in the game (either late in the 4th or in overtime, don't remember). The MSG commentators' response?

"Well, he was open."
"Sometimes you're open for a reason." (both laugh)


Indeed.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
I guess I need to start embedding Youtube videos instead of just linking them in my BAD posts so people actually see them. Otherwise, my jokes about looking worse than Chuck Hayes get overlooked, and that's just a shame because any excuse to make fun of Chuck Hayes free throws is a good excuse.

Indeed. Even though glory is only a click away, never misunderestimate lazy clickers.

By the way, was hyphenating "old-school" intentional when talking about hyphenated names?

Yes. Thanks for picking up on that. I often put subtle things like that into my posts and assume I'm amusing only myself.

Was anyone else watching the Bricks/Paupers game near the end of overtime? The Paupers were clinging to a 2-point lead, Krypto-Nate dribble penetrated and kicked to Jared Jeffries at the top of the circle, who promptly chucked up an ill-advised three. Which clanked short. Game over, Bricks lose, essentially.

Now the wonderful part about this sequence was that you could actually *hear* the crowd gasp with disbelief and dismay as Jeffries jacked up the three. Smart defence by the Paupers, of course.. why wouldn't you leave the guy wide open from there, we all know he can't throw it in the ocean.

The home crowd yelling at a wide open player to FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T SHOOT... a truly excellent Bawful moment.


Obviously I've never played pro ball, but in pickup a pretty standard defensive tactic is to lure bad shooters into taking critical shots. Part of the key is knowing where they like to chuck shots from and, when they get to that spot, leave them as wide open as possible. It's like cheese on a mouse trap.

Same deal with Jeffries last night.

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: So essentially, you're describing how Discount Store has been wide-open for the last few weeks: because Tyreke The Freak is the only one earning double and triple teams!

Blogger Dan B. said...
Bawful -- Trust me, I know all about laziness. Why do you think the video wasn't embedded to begin with? :)

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Jared Jeffries had actually managed to knock down a pair of 3s earlier, which unfortunately must have had the horrible side effect of giving him enough confidence to take the last shot.

Danilo Gallinari also Shaq-ed (short and wide) a free-throw last night, but it was nothing compared to the wonderful free throw fail that was posted.

Blogger chris said...
Dan B.: If you know all about laziness, then where's YOUR Dunk De La Mort?! :D

Blogger chris said...
So Ziller has his recap up of the Kings-Knicks game on Royalty and he sez...

But I'm not sure you can overrate this win, given what it offered. I mean, Evans transforming into farm equipment in the fourth quarter? We've seen that -- this week! -- and we know it's repeatable.

Um, I thought only Robert "Tractor" Traylor represented agriculture in the Association, albeit an oversized, underpowered farm machine.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Farm equipment? Whaaaaa...? Am I missing something?

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: That's what I am wondering too. I guess he was the "grim reaper" for the Knicks, just as he was against Chicago and Milwaukee and the Bullets!?

Notice though that other than the Nuggets, all the teams where he's been able to pull off fourth-quarter heroics have this in common:

They're bawful.

Blogger chris said...
And before anyone asks...yes, by the time you leave Elk Grove on Highway 99 (the biggest suburb of Sacramento)...you start seeing farms, and you're still in Sacramento County.

For that matter, going north on 99 away from Arco Arena, you see farms right after Elkhorn Boulevard, so...yeah. I KINDA see where the analogy comes from.

(grr, can't we maintain the image that the Kings make Sacramento WORLD CLASS!??!?!)

Blogger Basketbawful said...
chris -- By the way, d'you like my new title for your Paupers: The Excremento Kings? I love working poop into team names. There's...probably something wrong with me.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Elton Brand finally working his way back from injury and in the starting lineup has helped the 76ers go 7-3.

The situation is probably more dire for the Knicks than the Nets, who are risking it all on this offseason despite screwing up the Curry and Jeffries contracts. My new theory is that they pay Curry $15 mil under the table to retire this season, and go for broke with double superstar.

Excremento Kings rules.

Blogger Dan B. said...
For what it's worth, I laughed out loud at Excremento Kings. And then I wondered "why the hell haven't we thought of that one before?"

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Elton Brand finally working his way back from injury and in the starting lineup has helped the 76ers go 7-3.

Well...that and their schedule: They beat the Nyets on the road, eked out an OT win over the Bulls in Philly, beat the Chris Paul-less Hornets, put down the Rockets (who are struggling) and then pounded the second-worst team in the league. Not exactly a murderer's row.

And anyway, in those five games, Brand scored 10 (4-for-13), 26 (12-for-22), 11 (5-for-13), 13 (5-for-14) and 21 (8-for-15) with 6, 9, 5, 5 and 7 rebounds. So, you know, he's not exactly setting the town on fire.

The situation is probably more dire for the Knicks than the Nets, who are risking it all on this offseason despite screwing up the Curry and Jeffries contracts. My new theory is that they pay Curry $15 mil under the table to retire this season, and go for broke with double superstar.

C'mon. They're in New York, right? They would save a lot of money by simply hiring a hitman to take Fat Eddy out. And considering Curry's history of personal problems, suspicion would be reasonably low.

Blogger chris said...
Dan and Bawful: Concur.

You know, maybe if this team could stop having Losses That Aren't As Bad As Others twice a week, maybe they could work their way out of the standings sewer. Highly unlikely though.

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: Your idea reminds me so much of this classic 1970s movie I watched last night, "Network"...

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Man, it's quiet around here today.

I'm worried this trade deadline is going to come and go without any bigtime moves. Everybody is playing "trade chicken," and nobody is blinking. I will be seriously bummed if a season goes by without a major trade for me to mock or complain about.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Your idea reminds me so much of this classic 1970s movie I watched last night, "Network"...

That's an all-timer, right there.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
With so many teams panicking over the salary cap, financial losses, potential sales and thus desperate to reduce payroll I had honestly expected this season to be busier than usual on the trading front. The problem seems to be that teams are hypnotized by the lure of the upcoming offseason and are reluctant to acquire payroll that might keep them from handing offering a max contract (or two) to free agents they have absolutely no chance in hell of landing anyways.

Then again, if that rumored 3-way between NY, Washington and Houston comes to fruition it might spark the other teams into growing a pair.

Or someone could sign Antoine Walker to shore up their front line for the playoffs.

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: I think at some point, we need a similarly-themed movie, "Association."

But which characters of our beloved basketbawful organization need to be doppelgangered? And who should play them?

Gary Coleman as Nate Robinson?!

---

As for "trade deadline" stuff...basketball's trade deadline has always been notoriously quiet compared to that of hockey (where, even though the deadline is a full month away, we've already had THREE blockbuster trades in a week!!!!).

Certainly it's not as lacktive as the NFL's though...

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
I have a feeling that David Lee, Joe Johnson and Amare Stoudemire are going to get max deals they don't deserve this off season from red faced teams who did all they could to get under the cap in order to sign one of the "big 3", whiffed, and are terrified of winding up with nothing to show for it.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Bonus Fail: Brooks on offense, Scola on D.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYnJ1U0SxKw

Blogger Dan B. said...
I will be completely unsurprised if we don't see any big exciting trades. This is the No Balls Association, after all. Teams are afraid (especially in a crappy economic climate) to do anything risky because of expense reasons, and because they don't want to be held responsible if a trade backfires.

Anonymous BW in Cleveland said...
Windhorst of the Cleveland PD says all is quiet on the trade front per his twitter:

PDcavsinsider: And on the trade front, the Cavs hoped to have acted by now. But the market is frozen and they aren't close to anything. Still active, tho.

PDcavsinsider: The Cavs have generally made money-based bids to teams and no one wants to have to do such a deal so they are fallback option.


Indy is still convinced they should get Hickson, Zs expiring and multiple draft picks for Troy Murphy. Completely insane and I can't wait for them to crumble as the trade deadline approaches.

In other news, Butler to Houston seems to be picking up steam which is REALLY baffling considering the state of the Bullets. Makes no sense to dump Butler and hold onto Jamo thinking they have enough good youth to compete in the short term.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Kiki V. deserves a special WotN mention (as he does just about every night) for trotting out a lineup of Trenton Hassell (-14 on the game), Tony Battie (-19) , Kris Humphries (-23), Chris Quinn (-11) and Terrence Williams (-23) to start the 4th quarter after the Nets clawed to within 6. Now, the Nets probably would have lost anyway, but those 5 accounted for 9 of the teams 97 points despite playing roughly 23% of the teams minutes.

I know the Nets started out 0-16 under Lawrence Frank but at least he was actually a coach.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Indy is still convinced they should get Hickson, Zs expiring and multiple draft picks for Troy Murphy. Completely insane and I can't wait for them to crumble as the trade deadline approaches.

Here's what I want to know: What's Cleveland's fascination with Troy Murphy anyway? They really need another slowfooted big man who can't play the pick and roll? They already have Shaq and Big Z. The only thing Murphy provides is added distance (compared to Z) on his jumper.

Anonymous that brazilian guy said...
I think that it should be called Bawful Extrapoled(?!) Efficiency Rating, for a BEER acronym.

Blogger godhimself48 said...
Actually, the reports in Cleveland are that the Cavs are only interested in offering an expiring contract, whether it's Z's or Wally World in a S&T, for Murphy. So, I guess the Cavs are figuring they'd be willing to take Troy Murphy for free (at least in terms of giving up talent) to show LeBron that they're willing to spend money to keep him here which is right in line with what the organization has been doing since signing Big Shot Larry Hughes, D. Jones and D. Marshall in the summer of 05.

Anonymous DKH said...
Cleveland also may be discussing a Troy Murphy trade to put pressure on the Wizards to let Jamison go cheaply. At least I hope...

I agree with your assessment of Murphy, Bawful. I don't see why the Cavs want him.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Fingers Pointing

"It's your fault that we are loosing coach"

"No It's him!"

"Not me!"

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