So hey, the Purple Paupers won last night.  Neat.  But that's not what we're here to talk about.

You see, while the beleaguered team operated by a duo who couldn't tell the difference between a $1 bill and a $100 bill is now at TWO WHOLE WINS this year...two!...

There's a team a few hundred miles down Interstate 5 that is having a little bit harder of a go.


Oh, you mean the team that just got Pumaman and (an injured) Steve Nash in the offseason?  Wait a minute.



And no, that's not a typo.  The Lakeshow is in LAST PLACE, behind every single other team in the conference.

Will it last?  Probably not.  Is it Kobe's first ever experience with a 1-4 start?  Yeah, it is.  Is this amusing?  Endlessly.

Labels: Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, LOL, Los Angeles Lakers, Mike Brown, oops baby, pumaman

Don't be sad, Roy. There's always nex...oh, wait, you're on the Pacers. Nevermind.
The Atlanta Hawks: Let's see, despite being savaged by Dwight Howard for four straight games, the Dirty Birds managed to build a 3-1 series lead. With a chance to finish the Magic off in Game 5, they (and foul trouble) limited Howard to 8 points on 1-for-4 shooting and 8 rebounds in only 29 minutes.

Said Joe Johnson: "I'm looking forward to playing in the second round of the pla..."

Wait. Hold on a second.

Atlanta trailed by as many as 32 points and lost 101-76? Ooooooooo...I feel a "they are who we thought they were" coming on. Must. Resist.

But, honestly, the Hawks were bawful in so many bawful ways. They scored only 13 points (on 3-for-19 shooting) in the first quarter and finished the half down 58-35.

And, just like that, the game was over.

Atlanta's offense was, in the words of Patches O'Houlihan, like watching a bunch of retards try and hump a doorknob. The Hawks shot 36 percent from the field, shanked 12 of their 16 three-point attempts and bricked 10 free throws. The committed 13 turnovers to only 6 for Orlando, which was a franchise playoff record for the Magic.

Getting back to Atlanta's first quarter of fail, check out this snippet from the AP recap: "The Magic were leading 10-8 when Howard picked up his second personal foul of the night with 5:40 left in the first, but Orlando closed with a 16-5 run without him. Redick had the hot hand, going 5 for 5 in the period and scoring the Magic's last 11 points."

Yes, you read that correctly, Redick shot the Hawks right out of the air.

Quick impression for you: Caw! Caw! Bang! Fuck I'm dead!

(I assume everybody's seen The Crow. If not...what the hell?)

Said Atlanta coach Larry Drew: "We're in a situation where we still feel good about ourselves. We'll go back home. We still have an opportunity. Our fans are gonna be behind us, just as their fans were behind them. So we're gonna put this game behind us as fast as we can."

I have no idea how the Hawks could possibly feel good about themselves. They won Game 3 thanks to an unintentionally banked three by Jamal Crawford and Game 4 thanks to Jason Richardson's suspension. Then they didn't even bother to try in Game 5. Plus...they're the Hawks. They have a long and storied history of playoff chokes. If any team in this postseason was going to surrender a 3-1 series lead, my money would be on Atlanta. It's in their franchise DNA.

Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: On his team's shooting: "We're a good shooting team. This is more of us than what we showed in the first four games. ... This isn't an aberration. We've been doing this for four years. The first four games were the aberration."

Stat check: The Magic shot 41 percent (34-for-83) for the game.

Joe Johnson: The 119 Million Dollar Man finished with 5 points on 2-for-12 shooting. And the Hawks were outscored by 28 points when he was on the floor. Only Jamal Crawford (-30) had a worse plus-minus score.

The Indiana Pacers: It happened. It finally happened. The Bulls started doing Bulls things, and the Pacers became the Pacers again. After a reasonably competitive first half, Indy got outscored 62-43 over the final 24 minutes. As a team, they shot 39.2 percent from the field and gave up 34 points off 21 turnovers. They also gave up 17 fast break points and got their eyebrows singed off as the Bulls shot 14-for-31 from downtown.

The beating truly began thanks to an MVP-like stretch from Derrick Rose, who erupted out of the slump he was in during Games 3 and 4.

With 5:52 left in the third quarter and the Bulls leading 61-57, Rose dished to Taj Gibson for an 18-footer. On Chicago's next possession, Rose drilled a three-pointer to push the lead to 66-57. On the other end, Rose made an amazing block on Roy Hibbert (see below). With 4:31 to go in the third, Rose nailed another three. Five seconds later, he stole the ball from Darren Collison, sprinted the other way, drew a foul from Tyler Hansbrough, and converted one of two free throws. Then, with 2:47 left in the quarter, Rose lobbed in yet another three-bomb to make it 75-60.

And the rout was on.

Rose wasn't the only slump buster. As a team, the Bulls pulled out of the dreadful offensive funk they were in. Well, everybody except Carlos Boozer, that is. To wit: Boozer, who suffered a turf toe injury during the second quarter, finished with fewer points (2) than Rasual Butler (3).

Boozer aside, the Bulls literally blew the lid off the rim. Not figuratively. Literally. There was an actual explosion. With fire. And stuff.

Luol Deng scored 24 points on 7-for-14 shooting, adding 6 rebounds, 7 assists and 3 steals for good measure. With his grandfather and hot sister watching from the stands, Joakim Noah had 14 points, 8 rebounds, 4 blocks and 3 steals. Chicago's Bench Mob added 36 points and 15 rebounds. Taj Gibson in particular delivered a strong performance (10 points and 7 boards) in relief of Boozer.

And Keith Bogans -- yes, that Keith Bogans -- went 5-for-7 from downtown and finished with 15 points. For those who enjoy random stats: The Bulls are now 27-2 when Bogans scores at least 6 points.

Oh, and did I mention yet that Kyle "The Four-Inch Vertical" Korver dunked?

Yep. It was that kinda night for the Bulls. And that kinda loss for the Pacers.

I have to tip my hat and offer a firm handshake to Frank Vogel and his boys, because Indy really gave the Bulls all they could handle. But, in lieu of TNT's "gone fishin'" act, I must nonetheless present "The Lonely Man" theme:


Ah, now, if only the Pacers could have lost with a little more dignity...

Josh McRoberts, lover: Okay. I have no real proof that McBob is a lover...but I have to assume he is because he sure ain't a fighter. Case in point: Watch him try to punch at Joakim Noah and hit...nothing but air.


Said McRoberts: "I was trying to shove back to defend myself."

Uh huh. Right.

For his shadowboxing efforts, McBob was booted and Noah got free throws. That probably should have been the end of this embarrassing spectacle. But it wasn't...

Danny Granger, whine machine: After the game, Granger couldn't let the McRoberts-Noah skirmish go. Couldn't or wouldn't.

Said Granger: "[Joakim Noah] pulled a cowardly move. He cheap-shotted a couple of my teammates, and one gets thrown out ... The refs never catch what he did ... it's cowardly. And I'm going to say something about it. I wanted to say something about it all the way to the game was over. I just don't think the game should be played that way. You can play hard and fight and battle, but when you start cheap-shotting people it gets out of hand."

Uhm, okay. As Shakespeare might say, the lady doth protest too much, methinks. Or did Granger forget about this:


Or this:


Or this:


The Pacers kept this series competitive by making it extremely physical and, at times, dirty. They grabbed. They pushed. The hacked. They threw elbows and committed fouls that were borderline flagrant (or deemed flagrant by the league after the fact) in every game. The Bulls finally retaliate and...they're the dirty ones?

As Stacey King said: "Now, the rabbit's the one holding the gun, and the Pacers don't like it."

Granger continued: He's a dirty player, honestly." What's more, Granger apparently had to be restrained from going after Noah as the teams exchanged handshakes on the court after the game.

Really, Danny? Really?

Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau's response? Whatever.

Said Thibs: "It's just heat of the battle stuff."

Added Noah: "I played dirty? Ok. I'm just trying to win basketball games, man. It's the name of the game. I'm just out there trying to do what I gotta do. Like I said, I give a lot of credit to their team. The play hard as hell. They were competitive. I don't have anything bad to say about them. Everybody saw what happened out there. Now you want to call me a dirty player? I don't think I've ever been a dirty player. It is what it is. It's ok."

Look, the Pacers wanted the games to resemble urban warfare when it benefitted them, and they made a mess in their panties when, after four games, the Bulls started using their tactics against them. I'm just sayin', if you live by the sword, you don't get to complain when somebody runs you through with one.

What makes Granger's sniping worse is that, despite the showering of cheap shots and hard fouls, the Bulls took the high road all series long. They refused to call Foster dirty even after he pulled a Randy Savage on Deng's head. Thibodeau's general response to Indy's bullying tactics: "They're just playing hard. Period."

Then, in defeat, Granger takes the low road with accusations of "cowardly" and "dirty" play. Not Danny's finest hour.

Carlos Boozer: He finished off a nightmarish series by getting outscored by Rasual Butler and suffering a turf toe injury. Now even his own teammates won't high five him. Fail.

H/T to Dan B. for the link.

Roy Hibbert: The officials are bringing out the chains. Okay. The measurements are: Derrick Rose 6'3", Roy Hibbert 7'1". This is important because...


Paul George, layup master: Basketbawful reader gf provided the video for this great moment in Pacers playoff history:


Bulls fans: For whatever reason, the bloggers (other than myself) and commenters at ESPN's Daily Dime Live chat really love to give Bulls fans crap. Because, apparently, only non-Bulls fans get to talk crap.

Anyway, pictures like these aren't going to shift the paradigm:

This shouldn't happen. Ever.
The New Orleans Hornets: Look, we all knew the Hornets were going to have to play another perfect game to win in L.A. last night, and it didn't happen. They some things right, shooting 49 percent from the field and going 10-for-21 from three-point range.

But two things went wrong: They committed 19 turnovers and got outrebounded 42-25. That rebounding deficit included a 15-3 drubbing on the offensive glass. Between the TOs and the offensive boards, the Lakers got eight more field goal attempts and nine more foul shots.

Want more stats? I've got more stats.

From ESPN Stats and Information: "The Lakers finally took advantage of their size inside, outscoring the Hornets 42-30 in the paint. The Lake Show held a 15-3 advantage in offensive rebounds, 22-2 advantage in 2nd-chance points and 7-3 advantage in blocked shots."

Yes, it's true. The Lakers are tall.

Moreover, L.A. got balanced scoring, with six players in double figures: Kobe (18), Andy Bynum (18), The Spanish Marshmallow (16), Derek Fisher (13), The Candy Man (13) and Mr. Citizenship (11). L.A.'s bench outscored the New Orleans reserves 29-14. The Lakers weren't exactly overpowering, but they assumed control in the second quarter and semi-cruised to a 106-90 win.

And, more importantly, a 3-2 series lead.

Said Trevor Ariza: "They got 15 offensive rebounds. They were in the paint all day. They were more aggressive, and they took it to us. They played well. There's nothing that we can say."

Emeka Okafor and Carl Landry, poster boys: One of the most ridiculous and overblown subplots of this game was the status of Kobe's ankle and how he bravely refused an MRI because he doesn't want to know how badly he's hurt. The way Lakers fans were talking, Mamba needed his entire leg amputated, but he was gonna play through it through sheer force of will.

"He's Kobe Bryant! All he cares about is winning! Winning! WINNING!!!"

Reality check: No amount of will power would allow anyone to do this on a broken ankle. The human body doesn't work that way.


Said Hornets coach Monty Williams: "All this talk about his ankle. Did it look like his ankle was hurting? OK then."

Added Kobe: "I just had a lane to the basket. It looked like he was going to challenge me at the rim, and I decided to accept the challenge. ... It's a message for us that this was important. It's time to raise up and do what we've got to do. They're not saved dunks. I don't have much of those left."

I'm not saying Kobe's ankle wasn't sore. But I also think he likes to, ahem, help craft his legend.

Chris' Playoff Lacktion Report: Sorry, folks. Forgot this on the first pass.

Hawks-Magic: Jason Collins collected a board and assist in 14:04 as starting big man, only to brick once and foul twice for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Pacers-Bulls: Jeff Foster's last playoff game of the year managed to generate two boards in 9:44, but also three fouls and two turnovers for a 5:2 Voskuhl.

Hornets-Lakers: Jason Smith soured a field goal in 8:01 with three fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Labels: 2011 NBA Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Danny Granger, Indiana Pacers, Kobe Bryant, New Orleans Hornets, Worst of the Night

References: Kobe to Shaq: I have five rings, Shaq to Kobe: I don't compete with little guards, Shaq geeks out.

Labels: comics, Kobe Bryant, Kobe-Shaq feud, Shaq

Over the past few months, bloggers, coaches, general managers, journalists and even NBA legends have taken turns playing Whack-A-Douche with LeBron for The Decision. It's been like King Crab is a human piñata and his humiliation is sweet, delicious candy.

Of course, all the hate was simply thinly veiled racism. Because when I think of the great racists of our time, guys like Charles Barkley, Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan immediately spring to mind. It's like that Dave Chappelle skit about the black white supremacist...only for real.

Anyway, Kobe Bryant recently gave a classic LeBron-inspired sound bite. Specifically, that he could beat James in a game of one-on-one. Easily. Without question. In his sleep. With both hands tied behind his back and both feet dunked into buckets of cement.


It's hard to say whether Kobe's proclamation was another racist attack on LeBron...but it does seem reasonably accurate. I mean, Mamba pretty much said what most people were already thinking: Kobe's basic nature is that of a one-on-one gunner, and LeBron is more of a Magic Johnson/Mega Pippen kind of player. Sure, Kobe delivered the message in his usual arrogant cock-bag manner, but that doesn't mean he isn't correct.

Don't forget that LeBron is feeding on all this hate to make himself stronger than ever. Maybe Kobe's comments will make 'Bron grow a third bicep or something. I don't know. But this is just another reason to look forward to the first Heat-Lakers game of the season.

Labels: Kobe Bryant, Lebron James

This post was made in honor of Patrick Bateman.

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, American Psycho, comics, Kobe Bryant, Patrick Bateman, press conferences

Hey, Lakers bench...
...you make Kobe facepalm.
The Los Angeles Lakers: Going into the final 12 minutes of Game 4, the Lakers were leading 62-60 and looked ready to put a 3-1 Ric Flair-style figure four leglock on the 2010 NBA Finals. All they had to do, really, was outplay the Boston bench.

Yep. That's all.

Only Boston's bench -- plus Ray Allen -- scored on the team's first nine possessions of the fourth quarter. In fact, at one point the Celtics' pine riders had outscored the Lakers 25-15 in the final period. For the game, Boston's reserves outscored their L.A. counterparts 36-18, led by former throwaway draft pick Big Baby (22 minutes, 18 points, 7-for-10, 4 offensive rebounds) and Knicks castoff/U Dub alumnus Nate Robinson (17 minutes, 12 points, 4-for-8, 2-for-4 on threes). Rasheed Wallace and Tony Allen didn't contribute much to the box score, but they provided plenty of grit and defensive tenacity.

What's more, T.A. even assisted a huge trey by 'Sheed with 6:18 left that gave the Celtics a 79-70 lead.

Boston's towel wavers were playing so well that, with a little over four minutes left in the game and three Celtics starters (Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Rajon Rondo) about to check back in, Doc Rivers made the call to keep his super subs in he game...and ride the awesome wave of their momentum.

To which I ask: Who are you and what did you do with the real Doc Rivers?!

Said Doc: "Hell, Rondo and all of them were begging me to keep guys in. 'Don't take them out. Don't take them out.' It was great. That was the loudest I've seen our bench, and it was our starters cheering from the bench. I thought it was terrific."

It was quite a scene. After the Celtics lost Game 3, Kendrick Perkins complained about being left out of the game in favor of Big Baby. Not so last night. In fact, during one sequence Baby went down and Perk rushed onto the floor to pick him up.

But getting owned by guys who wouldn't start for most NBA teams wasn't the only reason the Lakers lost. After Game 3, I noted that, in these Finals, the team that wins the Battle of the Boards is probably the team that's working harder and wants it more. Well, Boston owned a 41-34 rebounding advantage, including 16-8 on the offensive glass. For those of you who enjoy the Four Factors, the Celtics had a 38-24 advantage in Offensive Rebounding Percentage.

Usually, Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum feast on the offensive glass. Last night, Gasol had only 1 O-board. Bynum had none. Excuse me, Lakers? Allow me to introduce you to the Celtics' pimp hand.

More pro-Celtic numbers: Boston outscored L.A. 54-34 in the paint -- wait, which team has the inside game again? -- and 15-2 on the fast break. The C's attempted 32 shots at the rim, compared to 17 for the Lakers, which is a pretty good indication of which team was more aggressive. The Celtics pushed. They fought. They rammed the ball down the Lakers throats. And trust me, you do not want to know where that ball has been. Feel free to ask Hedo Turkoglu, tho'.

A couple last points: The Lakers are at their best when the ball is moving. Last night it wasn't, and they finished with only 13 assists.

Kobe Bryant: On the one hand, Mamba scored a game-high 33 points, his shooting wasn't awful (10-for-22), and he was actually pretty hot from downtown (6-for-11). On the other hand...how good was he really?

Before the game, Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson were (as usual) fellating Kobe and predicting a "signature performance" if only because Bryant hadn't had one yet. That's kind of like predicting Lindsay Lohan will do something slutty at some future time, but I digress. Anyway, it appears Kobe was thinking the same thing because he basically abandoned the Triangle. He's playing Hero Ball right now, and it's disrupting the flow of L.A.'s offense.

For quick reference, here's a breakdown of Kobe's shot attempts: 1-for-2 at the rim, 0-for-2 inside 10 feet, 2-for-2 from 10-15 feet, 1-for-5 from 16-23 feet, 6-for-11 from beyond the arc. That's right: 16 of his 22 field goal attempts were dialed in from long distance. And let's be honest: Most of them were bad shots forced over tough defense. The only thing that saved Kobe (and the Lakers) from catastrophe is that Mamba hit well over his normal three-point percentage.

But as a Celtics fan, I was thrilled with the shots Kobe was chucking up...even when he made them. When your team forces the other team's best player into a steady diet of crap shots, that's a victory for the defense. I'm guessing the Celtics would love for Kobe to keep taking those shots, because he's probably not going 6-for-11 on threes again.

At various times throughout these playoffs, Kobe has been the facilitator of the Lakers' game plan, setting up his teammates and shooting within the flow of the offense. During those times, he's been awesome. But the Mamba returned in Game 3 when Kobe went all shot happy, and the snake was still slithering in Game 4. Every time Kobe got the ball, it seemed like he wanted to score first and pass only out of desperation as a last resort. It's not surprising then that Bryant finished with a game-high 7 turnovers (compared to only 2 assists). And this was the most crippling of his bobbles:


I know people are going to look at he 33 points and fantastic three-point shooting and claim Bryant had a great game, but Kobe did as much to hurt the Lakers as he did to help them, especially in the second half. Hence the plus-minus score of -8.

Here's some extra insight on Kobe's shooting from Dave McMenamin of ESPNLosAngeles:

When the Celtics switched to Tony Allen sticking Kobe Bryant for the second half of Game 4 instead of Ray Allen, who checked him in the first, it was a different ballgame.

Bryant was 5-for-8 from the field in the first half and the Lakers led by three. He was just 5-for-14 in the second half with the guy the Celtics call "T.A." playing textbook defense on him, and the Lakers lost the game by seven. Allen's harassing presence contributed to Kobe coughing up seven turnovers.

"[He's] just a guy that's in the rotation who thinks about nothing but defense, hustling, getting loose balls," said Paul Pierce, who had the assignment, along with James Posey, of guarding Bryant in the Finals two years ago. "Every great team needs a guy like that. He takes so much pressure off me and Ray, the scorers, working so hard to get points."

And he puts that pressure squarely on Bryant.

According to ESPN Stats & Information, Bryant is now just 5-for-19 (26.6 percent) in the Finals with Tony Allen as the Celtics' primary defender on him. Even when he doesn't cause Bryant to miss a shot, he deters him from even taking one. In the 73 possessions that Allen has guarded him this series, Kobe has touched the ball 79.5 percent of the time. In the 234 possessions when it's been somebody other than Allen checking Kobe, Bryant has touched the ball 88 percent of the time.

All 19 shot attempts by Bryant against Allen have been with a hand in his face too, while he's been able to get off eight uncontested looks against the rest of the Celtics' crew.

This isn't really all the surprising if you watched what T.A. did against LeBron in the Celts-Cavs series. Allen is aggressive, fearless and absolutely relentless. He doesn't care which player he's defending. He never stops. He never gives up.

You know what else I think? I think that Kobe doesn't totally respect Allen, that he takes Allen defending him as a personal challenge, which has always been Bryant's M.O. against lesser players. I think when T.A. is all up in his mug, Kobe transforms into the Mamba and becomes determined to make something happen. Which sort of plays into the Boston game plan.

Pau Gasol: His scoring was reasonably efficient: 21 points on only 13 shots and a game-high 10 free throw attempts (of which he hit nine). But his rebounding was, for him, sub-par (6 total, only 1 offensive). He also lost the ball 4 times, which means he and Kobe combined for almost as many TOs (11) as the entire Celtics teams (12).

When Pau dominates the boards, the Lakers almost always win. Last night, that didn't happen. And his wrestling match with 'Sheed may not have taken him out of the game offensively, but it sure kept him off the boards.

TrueHoop's Kevin Arnovitz broke down the duel between Gasol and 'Sheed:


Think 'Sheed is getting under Pau's skin? Gasol was definitely is a pissy mood last night. On one Celtic free throw attempt, he was lined up inside of Rondo. As the freebie was going in, Rondo was actually backing away from the basket, but Gasol reached over, grabbed Rajon's jersey and gave Rondo a little shove. Rondo whacked Pau's arm and Pau shoved back and then they had a mini-faceoff.

Said Phil Jackson: "I thought their animation and their activity level affected us. Guys wanted to get back into it with them a couple times."

When a big man feels the need to rough up a guard for no reason whatsoever, I guess you could say either a) he's really frustrated or b) he's Kevin Garnett.

One last thing: I have a pet theory that Gasol is at his rebounding best when he's got Bynum around to watch his back. However, I've got not real evidence other than what I've observed. Any of you statheads got any numbers on this?

The Lakers' bench: How to put this? Oh, yeah. I know: Fail.

L.A.'s bench is so deep...it's unfathomable!Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week...
Kendrick Perkins: Has anyone else noticed that Perkins is starting to edge toward "Starter In Name Only" status? Perk played 25 minutes, finishing with 6 points and 7 boards while shooting 3-for-5 from the field. Not a bad night's work...but there's a reason Doc is going with Big Baby down the stretch. Here's the reason: Perk is an offensive liability against L.A. The Lakers know he can't score. He can't or won't shoot short jumpers. He can't finish quickly at the rim -- he almost always needs at least one slow, shambling dribble -- which means the Lakers can just thug him. Oh, and he's not a great foul shooter.

Meanwhile, his defender -- either Gasol or Bynum -- can play way off him, disrupting passing lanes and preventing drives. Perkins is a better defender and rebounder than Baby, but Doc can't afford to leave him on the floor if he wants his team to score. And defense may win championships, but teams still have to outscore their opponents to win.

The Nate Robinson and Rasheed Wallace techs: With 7:24 left in the fourth quarter and the Celtics leading 74-66, 'Sheed was called for a technical foul for wigging out about bad foul call that went against him (he whacked the ball and Kobe's hand, and as we've already discussed at length, the hand is part of the ball). Fortunately, the Basketball Gods made Bryant miss the free throw.

Then, with 5:39 left and Boston up 79-72, Krypto-Nate earned a couple freebies when he got decked by Lamar Odom. Unfortunately, Nate got all up in Odom's chest and earned a tech for taunting. But the Basketball Gods once again stepped in and Derek Fisher bricked the foul shot.

So those technical didn't hurt the C's...but they sure could have. And if the Lakers had come back to win by a couple, who do you think would be the goats today?

Said Doc: "Unfortunately, it's probably our most emotional group when you have Nate, Tony and Rasheed on the floor at the same time, so the techs happen. That's the only thing we didn't like."

Paul Pierce, The Punchmaster: When you punch a ref in the face while celebrating, chances are, you're celebrating a little bit too hard.


Big Baby, drool machine: Want to see some apeshit intensity? You sure? Then here:


And now Baby's primal scream from another angle:


Big Baby, quote machine, Part 1: "Let me tell you something, when you're in the moment, you're in the moment. If I slobber, snot, spit, please excuse me. Kids, don't do that. Have manners and things like that."

Big Baby, quote machine, Part 2: "I just felt like a beast. Really, I'm going to just be honest with you. I just felt like I couldn't be denied. If a rebound was in my vicinity or if the ball was going to be laid up, you know, I just felt like I just couldn't be denied. And it kind of started off with me missing those two [shots] -- a layup and then the jump shot. I was really upset at myself, and I said I've got to seize the moment here. There's not too many times you get a chance to be in the Finals and be a part of something so great that you can never really imagine yourself even being here. I just couldn't be denied today."

Big Baby, quote machine, Part 3: "Just will, that's all it is. This is what legends are made of, this is where you grasp the moment. ... Just play in the moment."

Nate Robinson: Regarding his relationship with Big Baby: "We're like Shrek and Donkey. You can't separate us."

"Who run Barter Town?MASTER BLASTER RUN BARTER TOWN!!"
Tony Allen, quote machine: "Did Doc coach with his guts or his brains? Well, first of all I think Doc is the best coach in the world, but I don't know about coaching-type stuff. That ain't left up to me. I just know about playing. So to answer your question, I would have to say he was thinking with his brain."

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, Boston Celtics, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers

Editor's note: In case you didn't recognize it, this post owes a giant tip 'o the hat to the classic "Dicks, Pussies, and Assholes" speech from Team America: World Police. And Kevin Garnett's potty mouth, of course.

Labels: comics, Derek Fisher, Doc Rivers, Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, Phil Jackson, press conferences, Rajon Rondo, Team America Fuck Yeah

Rajon Rondo prepares to take it up the you-know-what from Derek Fisher.
The Boston Celtics: Well...after stealing Game 2 in L.A. the Celtics had Game 3 bogarted from them in Boston. But on the bright side, Paul Pierce's "We ain't coming back to L.A." prediction is still in play...assuming the Celts lose Games 4 and 5.

Ugh. Double ugh. Boston opened the game pretty well (going up 12-5) before coming apart and falling behind 37-20 with 9:10 in the second quarter. And yeah, that's about the point where I started to panic.


The Celtics came out running, scoring 8 points (4-for-4) in transition in the first 4:06. Over the remaining 43:54, they scored only 8 more points on the run. One of the reasons Boston won Game 2 was because they pushed the ball relentlessly. For whatever reason, they stopped doing that for most of Game 3. Credit L.A.'s defense for some of that, but all I know is that Rajon Rondo did an awful lot of walking the ball up the court.

Were the Celtics tired? Not all of them. KG (25 points, 11-for-16) looked pretty spry for a dead guy. But Rondo (11 points, 8 assists, 3 rebounds) and Ray Allen (we'll get to him) looked flat as hell. You know how I've been slamming Doc Rivers' rotation -- or, more accurately, lack thereof -- all playoffs? Remember how I said it might bite him in the ass due to the short turnaround (plus traveling) between Games 2 and 3? Well, let's just say sometimes I hate being right.

During the 2010 playoffs, Rajon Rondo is averaging over 41 minutes per game. Paul Pierce and Ray Allen are just under 40. Not surprisingly, those three guys numbers one, two and three in minutes played during the playoffs.

Boston shot 43 percent from the field and hit only 4 of their 18 three-point attempts. They also shanked eight free throws -- including seven misses during the first half -- which ended up being kind of big. The Celtics actually outscored the Lakers 50-38 in the paint, but they were outrebounded 43-35 (including 11-8 on the offensive glass). And check out The Four Factors: The Celtics and Lakers were pretty much dead even in every category exept Offensive Rebounding Percentage, which L.A. won by a significant margin. The rebounding stat is huge, especially in this series. Typically, the hardest working team wins that category. Last night, that team was the Lakers.

Ray Allen: There's an ongoing debate about whether the "hot hand" actually exists. However, Ray Allen has provided irrefutable evidence that the "cold hand" does exist...and it froze Allen right out of the game. Ray's line: 42 minutes, 0-for-13 from the field (0-for-8 from downtown, 0-for-5 on two-pointers), 2-for-2 from the line, 2 points, 4 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 turnovers, 2 fouls, and a plus-minus score of -10.

Ray finished with more crowd dives (1) than field goals (0). Not good.
ESPNBoston's Chris Forsberg gives us a little perspective on Ray-Ray's shooting night: "Allen's 0-for-13 performance ranked as the second-worst 0-fer in Finals history, falling one miss short of the record of 0-for-14 shared by Seattle's Dennis Johnson in 1979 and Baltimore's Chick Reiser in 1948. ... How bad was Tuesday's performance? Allen had never endured anything even close. His previous high for consecutive missed field goals was nine on Jan. 4, 2008. You'd have to go all the way back to April 4, 1999 (8) or Feb. 26, 1997 (7) to find his other career lows. ... Registering two measly points, Allen produced his lowest career postseason scoring output besides a scoreless performance against the Cavaliers on May 6, 2008, in which he missed all four shots he took over 37:09.

After the way Allen lit the Lakers up in Game 2, his Game 3 performance was mystifying. It was slowly killing me. No, seriously, I had vital functions shutting down every time Allen missed a shot, especially the open three he clanked with 54 seconds left when the Celtics were down only 84-80.

And this is where I point out the psychological damage of Allen's misguided shooting. It wasn't an issue until the second half, but you could tell that Ray was getting frustrated with himself. Worse, his teammates looked deflated as he continued to miss. And after that miss I just described, the wind just seemed to go out of the team, which lead to a huge, game-breaking play for the Lakers (see below).

Of course, this isn't unprecedented. During last year's Bulls-Celtics matchup, Allen started the series with a 1-for-12 performance then scored 30 in Game 2. His 51-point explosion in Game 6 was sandwiched between 3-for-8 and 6-for-14 performances. The point: Ray run hot and cold...as most jump shooters do. And sometimes his swings are pretty epic.

Said Doc Rivers: "It's a hell of a swing, I'll tell you that. It's basketball. That's why you can't worry about it. He'll be back in the gym [Wednesday] and getting ready for the next game. I thought he was pressing early on some of them, and, honestly, I thought all of his shots looked flat tonight. I didn't think he had any legs. I don't know if the knee and the thigh had anything to do with it, but I just thought he was short on most of his jump shots. Of the 13, I think eight of them were great looks, and all of them were short, all of them were flat. It happens to the best of us."

Yeah, I'm sure his lack of legs have nothing to do with the fact that you've reached the NBA Finals but still haven't decided on a regular rotation and you've playing Ray 40+ minutes a game in the last three rounds. You do realize human beings need rest, don't you Doc?

Added Derek Fisher: "We obviously didn't expect him to go 0 for 13, but it's a tough gig for him to run around offensively the way he has to and then have to guard Kobe on the other end. I mean, that takes anybody's legs out. It takes my legs out chasing him. So there are going to be nights maybe when his legs aren't there because he's having to work so hard on both ends, but we won't see 0 for 13 on Thursday night, that's for sure."

Speaking of Fish...

Boston's fourth quarter defense on Derek Fisher: For most of the season, and especially after Allen lit him up in Game 2, people have been hosing Fisher down with Febreeze to cover up the dead Fish smell. Rumor has it that Adam Morrison had been tasked with plucking the maggots off Derek's corpse.

Now, some people will credit him for holding Allen to 0-for-8 shooting during the time they were matched up, but several of those were open shots, so I'm not really buying it. Ray-Ray had a meltdown that bordered on supernatural, so unless Fish had a voodoo doll -- and I'm not totally discounting that possibility -- Allen probably would have sucked no matter who was guarding him.

What Fisher did do was take care of L.A.'s clutch scoring. During the fourth quarter -- while Mamba was taking turrible shots and going 1-for-6 -- Fisher reanimated to score 11 points on 5-for-7 shooting. And make no mistake, he hit some tough ones.

Of course, they could have and should have been tougher. Rondo is a pretty good defensive guard, but he sometimes gets caught going under screens and giving his man a little too much cushion. And he sure did that with Fisher down the stretch. I have no idea why. I mean, it's not like Fisher is a stranger to playoff heroics.


I guess Rondo believed that shot was as ancient as Fisher. Sucker. Speaking of suckers, Fisher's biggest play of the game came in the final minute after Allen missed that three I mentioned above. Fish rebounded that miss and, despite that whole "foot in the grave" thing, pushed the ball down court. It was a huge play, because he caught the Celtics napping. Seriously, what were they doing? Not playing transition defense, that's for sure.

Well, Fish drove in for the layup and got fouled by three bumbling Celtics in the process (Big Baby was called for it). He completed the "And-1" to give the Lakers an 87-80 lead with 48 seconds left. Biggest play of the game. The Allen-miss, Fisher-make sequence pretty much decided the game.


Said Phil Jackson: "He saw the opening and went and made a very bold play. ... It was imperative that it goes in for us to win. When he's got an opportunity to hit a key shot, it seems like he's always there and ready."

Added Rivers: "Derek Fisher was the difference in the game. He's just a gutty, gritty player and he gutted the game out for them. I thought Kobe was struggling a little bit, and Fisher -- he basically took the game over. ... I don't know what he had in the fourth quarter ... but most of them were down the stretch."

Kobe Bryant's shooting gunning: Welcome back, Mamba! Maybe he was annoyed that a lot of people think that Pau Gasol was L.A.'s best player in Games 1 or 2, because Kobe had one of his classic "Fuck the Triangle, I'm taking whatever shot I want whenever I want it" nights: 10-for-29 from the field. By comparison, Pau Gasol attempted only 11 shots despite the fact that Gasol is fifth in FGP for the entire playoffs (and, effectively, it should be higher since Arron Afflalo and Serge Ibaka are ahead of him...).

I get it. I do. Kobe wanted to go all IDAK Alpha 12 on the Celtics. Sorry, I'm sticking with my Lost In Space comparison for just another second.


Killer instinct is a great thing, but Kobe was not taking high percentage shots. Here's the breakdown: 1-for-2 at the rim, 3-for-4 inside 10 feet, 1-for-3 from 10-15 feet, 4-for-13 from 16-23 feet and 1-for-7 on three-pointers. And I probably don't need to tell you that many of those were hotly contested. How many times did Mark Jackson or Jeff Van Gundy remark that Kobe's shot jackery was him "putting his foot on the pedal" or "shooting himself into a rhythm"? Really?

Look, I'll be the firt to admit that Mamba was contributing in other areas: He had 7 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 steals, 3 blocked shots and a couple fantastic hustle plays. But Kobe damn near shot the Lakers out of this game. He just got lucky that 1) Fisher saved his ass and 2) Allen was shooting far, far worse.

Paul Pierce: The Half Truth became the latest victim of this Finals' "foul trouble." No, I said I was done discussing the officiating and I meant it. (I'll let Doc Rivers do it for me.) I will say this: Pierce was plagued by foul trouble and, despite logging 34 minutes, never got into the flow of the game, finishing with only 15 points on 5-for-12 shooting. (Sadly, the Celtics probably would have won if Ray Allen had played that well. But I digress.)

What's more, Pierce didn't do much of anything else: 2 boards, 2 assists, no steals. Hey, Paul? Maybe you haven't heard, but you're in the NBA Finals. Feel free to show up and stuff.

Doc Rivers: Okay, I've already dissed his personnel management, but seriously: After scoring 7 points in six minutes in Game 3, he scored 5 points in just under six minutes in Game 4. I'm not saying Krypto-Nate should be getting 25 minutes a game, but the Celtics struggled to score for most of the night. Nate is an explosive scorer off the bench. Rondo is getting worn down by all those minutes. Does anybody see where I'm going with this?

Stupid rules: Okay, you probably already know about that play where Rajon Rondo fouled Lamar Odom but the ball went off Odom's hand so, after a video review, the ball was given back to the Celtics. Mind you, this isn't a slam on the officials. Their call was correct...but only because the video review policy doesn't allow the refs to review fouls and no-calls. That's a pretty big loophole and people would be screaming about it today if the Lakers had lost.

Glen Davis: Memo to Big Baby: Your faces are scaring me. Please stop. Thanks. -Basketbawful

Ray Allen, quote machine: After literally shooting his team to a loss, all Ray-Ray could do was wax philosophic:

"I just know the game doesn't owe anything to anybody. I can't just think that it's always supposed to be the way I want it to be. You gotta make your own breaks at both ends of the floor. Offensively, you have to find ways to get over the hump. Every game, every day, you gotta get out there and get your rhythm and work on your shot. Try to improve it.

"That's why you always have to be humble. When things go great, it's good to be a part of. You have to be sure to make good decisions. Moving forward, you have to continue to work on things you need to work on to be good in the future. Preparation is the biggest key.

"But I never hang my head. [Wednesday] is another opportunity to get right back on track. I gotta take my hat off to them. They took away a lot of the open, easier looks that I had from last time."

Derek Fisher, quote machine: "I think as you grow in this game and you put in the work that's required to still be around 14 years later, you start to recognize that being in this moment, on this stage, it's not a given. It's not something that happens every season. Five or 10 years from now, when I'm long gone, I would have hated to feel like I didn't just do everything I could have to help my team. Things have worked out well, and we have two more wins to get to really put a nice cap on it."

Bill Simmons' psychic abilities: Dan B. e-mailed me Bill's Game 3 predictions:

I have 4 predictions tonight...

1. An absolute kick-ass game from Nate Robinson.
2. A good Lamar Odom game.
3. Perkins getting his 7th technical
4. Rondo going for a 17-12-12 at the least...

I'd like to make a fifth prediction: a big Paul Pierce game. He looks all kinds of jacked tonight. I've been watching the guy for 11 years, I can tell when he has "the look" or not and he has it tonight.

Uh...fail.

Tom Brady: I figured busting on "Tom Terrific" would make me feel better. Fuck you, Brady. As AnacondaHL put it: "Hey Brady, the teenage girl store called, they're wondering if you're available to cosplay as Justin Bieber."

You know, that kind of worked.

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, Boston Celtics, Derek Fisher, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Ray Allen

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, comics, Kobe Bryant

Steve Nash looked almost as dead as the Suns' defense.
The Phoenix Suns: Well...that was ugly. I'm talking "Steve Nash's nasty, bulging, black-and-blue eye socket" ugly. Game 1 of the 2010 Western Conference Finals turned into such a laugher, here's what Kobe Bryant was doing during the second half of the fourth quarter:

Jesus! I didn't know Sasquatch was Mamba's personal masseuse.
So much for the improved Phoenix defense, huh? The Lakers scored 128 points on 58 percent shooting, hit eight of their 17 three-point attempts, outscored the Suns 56-38 in the paint and got 44 points out of their bench. And the majority of those bench points came before garbage time ensued.

A lot of people are writing poetry about Mamba's performance -- he had his 11th 40-point playoff performance, and 21 of those points came in the third quarter -- but the real story of this game was the hot shooting of his teammates. Pau Gasol (21 points, 5 assists, 2 blocked shots) went 10-for-13, Lamar Odom (19 points, 19 bords) was 9-for-15, and even the scrubs (Jordan Farmar, Shannon Brown) were 7-or-12.

And damn, even amatuer porn directors don't allow this much penetration, unless there's some kind of penetration-specific fetish going on. Or so I've heard. Anyway, the Lakers were 22-for-30 at the rim. That's a 73 percent conversion rate. That's 44 points on field goals alone. And that penetration led to wide-open shots from distance, which might help explain why the Lakers were 13-for-24 (54 percent) from 16-23 feet.

As you'd expect, Phoenix was outrebounded 42-34, although that deficit was bigger when the game was still in doubt. The Suns found out that when your opponent doesn't miss and grabs all the boards, it's awfully hard to win.

The bottom line: The Suns are still too short.

The Suns' only highlight from Game 1.
And despite the fact that they scored 107 points on 50 percent shooting, the Phoenix offense struggled. The Suns managed only 4 fast break points while giving up 19 points off only 12 turnovers. Steve Nash (13 points and 13 assists in only 28 minutes) and Amar'''''e Stoudemire (23 points on 8-for-13 from the field and 7-for-10 at the line) did their thing, but Grant Hill shot 1-for-5 and finished with almost as many fouls (4) as points (7). Even more troubling -- although you probably could have predicted it -- was the misdirected shooting of Channing Frye (1-for-8, including 1-for-7 from downtown) and Jared Dudley (1-for-5, all threes).

If those two guys can't spread the floor by drilling treys, the L.A.'s bigs can just clog up the paint and disrupt the flow of the Suns' offense.

But, again, offense really isn't the problem. Defense is. And unless the Suns are allowed to play on stilts, or David Stern makes Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom play on their knees, I'm not sure what Phoenix can do to counter all that size.

The Suns' psyche: For a team that finally got the Spurs monkey off their back, the Suns seemed to get pretty down on themselves. There were an awful lot of slumped shoulders in the fourth quarter, even when they were still technically within striking distance. Guys stopped challenging -- Kobe took a couple shots in Jason Richardson's mug, and Richardson didn't even bother to put a hand up -- and looked ready to concede the game. That's never a good sign. It's never too late to start building momentum for the next game

The Suns' outside shooting: Brick city, baby. Although they were 17-for-26 at the rim (65 percent) and 12-for-22 (55 percent) from 16-23 feet, the Suns were only 5-for-22 from the Land of Three. Look, we all know Phoenix lives and dies by the three...and they have to connect from distance if they're going to make this series competitive.

Channing Frye and Jared Dudley: Like I said, 2-for-13 from the field, 2-for-12 on threes.

Grant Hill: It was announced before the series began that Hill would be defending Manba. When asked how he was going to do it, Grant said: "You just have to make a guy like that work." I can only assume Hill's waiting for Game 2 to carry out that "make Kobe work" plan. Although, in all fairness to Grant, he had to deal with The Phantom Foul Menace last night.

Hill also got his surgically repaired ankles re-broken. There's better video of this, but the "commentary track" on this one cracks me up.


Here's the same play from another angle:


Amar''''''e Stoudemire: So...3 rebounds in 35 minutes, eh? Nice. Oh, and how 'bout that defense on Lamar Odom...which is best described via this picture sent in by Stephanie G:

Ole'!
Robin Lopez: Sure, the big man had 14 points on 6-for-7 shooting in his first game in months...only to have the Suns suffer their worst loss in months. It's all Robin's fault! Start Jarron Collins!

Actually, Robin was the only Suns player with a positive plus-minus score (+2).

It's okay, Robin. I was just kidding.
Update! Steve Nash, quote machine: Submitted by Dick Sullivan: "They're [Lakers] probably going to continue to be taller than us as the series goes on."

Genetics: Seriously, I will always be a little bitter that I can't do stuff like this. Well, unless it's on a Nerf hoop agains a 10-year-old girl.


Craig Sager's suit: Dan B demanded I include this picture in WotN...and rightly so. No matter how low the bar gets, Sager always manages to limbo his way under it. If you think about it, Sager is the Wilt Chamberlain of bad suits. He's putting up numbers so unthinkable that nobody will ever, ever reach them.

Again I say: What the flippity fuck?
David Arquette: Damn...bitch went down.


This is, of course, just the latest humiliation in a long line of humiliations for Mr. Courtney Cox.


Lacktion report: Due to extended mop-up duty, Chris had only a single entry in today's lacktion report: "Sasha Vujacic sauntered into foul territory once in 83 seconds for a +1 suck differential."

Labels: Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Phoenix Suns

"Offensive foul? But...don't you know who I am? I'm LeBron James, bitch!"
The Cleveland Cavaliers: I know David Stern would like to just go ahead and hand LeBron James the Larry O'Brien Trophy, the crown, the king's scepter, the key to every NBA city and a solid gold throne on which to sit his noble buttocks during his regal bowel movements. But Joakim Noah and the Chicago Bulls have gone off-script by actually -- Gasp! Shock! Gasp again! -- refusing to roll over and just die already.

This wasn't part of the plan.

"Oh my God! They're...trying to win!"
The Crabs got outscored 38-32 in the paint by a team that hasn't had a low post threat for most of the decade. They couldn't stay in front of Derrick Rose (31 points, 13-for-26, 8 assists). They couldn't get a hand in the face of Kirk Hinrich (27 points, 9-for-12, 4-for-4 from beyond the arc). Their best defense against Joakim Noah (10 points, 15 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 blocks, 1 steal and a game-high plus-minus score of +13) was letting Noah get himself into foul trouble.

Cleveland also missed 11 free throws, which is kind of a big deal in a two-point loss.

Mind you, the Craboliers would have lost Game 2 if not for some uncharacteristically hot outside shooting from LeBron. They have the presumed MVP and the best regular season record in the NBA. Meanwhile, the Bulls barely squeaked into the playoffs -- in part because Chris Bosh broke his face and the Raptors pulled an epic choke job down the stretch -- and were considered nothing more than first round hors d'oeuvres for the Crabs. Not even the good kind. I'm talking those cocktail weiners wrapped in a bagel.

And here they are, out-working, out-hustling and out-playing the supposed NBA-champs-to-be.

LeBron James: It's not fair to pin this loss all on King Crab. After all, he scored 13 of his game-high 39 points and dished out 5 of his game-best 8 assists during a give-me-the-ball-and-let-me-take-over fourth quarter. BUT...

...his outside shooting wasn't great (5-for-13, with some truly bawful bricks, including one three-pointer that didn't even touch the rim) he was responsible for six of his team's 11 missed free throws (yet Shaq was 2-for-2) and he committed a game-worst 5 turnovers (compared to a total of 8 for the entire Bulls team).

Speaking of those turnovers, three of them happened during "winning time." With 3:39 left in the fourth, Noah stole a tough pass. With 1:17 left, King Crab dipped his head and drove his shoulder right into Luol Deng. Tweet! Offensive foul. With 51 seconds left, 'Bron dribbled straight into a Noah-Deng double-team...Joakim swiped the ball out of LeBron's hands and Luol controlled it.

Those were three major turnovers.

Giant invisible poop.
Some other nits to pick. There was a play during the third quarter in which Deng drove right at James, went behind the back as LeBron went for the steal and then left King Crab in the dust on his way to a reverse layup.


Then, with about two and a half minutes left in the fourth, LeBron asked to guard Derrick Rose one-on-one. As physically gifted as 'Bron is, he couldn't stay in front of Rose, who slid past and pulled up for a lead-sustaining 13-footer.

I guess the larger point is: LeBron is freaking amazing. But still human.

Chicago's free throw shooting: Things got a little needlessly exciting at the end. The Bulls could have put this one to rest in the final, but they missed four three throws -- two straight by Hinrich and one each by Rose and Deng -- which gave the Crabs a chance to steal the game. And yes, I almost peed myself after each one. Good thing Heather D. wasna't around.

James Johnson: At the end of the third quarter, Rose took a jump shot that was about to bounce in when the rookie went up and goaltended it. And he missed it! I don't usually see Derrick lose his cool, but he looked about ready to choke a bitch.

Officiating, Part I: The officiating was pretty good for the most part, and I was rooting for the Bulls, but even I had to admit this was a pretty big missed call. Hey, 'Bron, you didn't need your head, right?


LeBron James, quote machine: Regarding the play in which he went all NFL running back on Deng: "I saw him backpedaling. Me as a driver, I'm watching the defender's feet. I'm seeing if he's stationed or is still moving. To me, I felt like he was still backpedaling, and as soon as I saw him backpedaling, that's when I decided to take off. They called a charge. I haven't seen the replay, but I know exactly what I've seen on the court with the defender right in front of me."

Joakim Noah, quote machine, Part I: Regarding the same play: "I think one of the refs was about to call a block and then he looked at the other ref because he wasn't sure, and the other ref -- thank God -- called a charge. That was a huge play for us. I'm really happy that play went our way. I think I'm kind of biased, but to me, I thought it was a charge the whole time."

Joakim Noah, quote machine, Part II: Regarding his five personal fouls, which limited him to only 33 minutes: "Stupid, stupid fouls."

The Los Angeles Lakers: L.A. got solid games out of Derek Fishr (17 points, 5-for-8, 4-for-5 on threes), Andy Bynum (13 points, 6-for-9, 7 rebounds) and Pau Gasol (17 points, 7-for-12, 15 rebounds, 6 assists, 2 blocks), but they couldn't stop the Thunder in transition (23 fast break points), nor could they contain Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook down the stretch. Those two dudes scored 22 of Thunder's final 23 points, including 10 points during a 10-2 run that put Oklahoma City ahead for good.

But the biggest problem for the Lakers may have been...

Kobe Bryant: Ah, sweet Mamba, how we've missed thee. Kobe had a rough night, shooting 10-for-29 from the field and 4-for-11 from downtown. According to ESPN Stats and Information, the Lakers ran 15 isolation plays for Bryant, and Kobe went 2-for-13 on those plays...0-for-5 when guarded by Kevin Durant.

Speaking of which, how 'bout KD? The kid redeemed himself for his Game 2 choke job by asking to guard Mamba down the stretch. And -- surprise -- he shut Kobe down. Like, completely. It's enough to make you forget that Durant missed his first seven shots and 15 of his first 19 while finishing 8-for-24 on the night.

Thanks largely to the Durantula's defense, Kobe went 2-for-10 in the fourth quarter. Said Bryant: "It was a matchup that caught me by surprise."

No kidding.

Update! Officiating, Part II: Adam is kicking up a little dust at the refs for their apparent home-cookery: "I rightly expected there to be no mention of the ridiculously suspect free throw advantage the Thunder had over the Lakers. They had just short of three times the attempts the Lakers had (34-12). Durant himself had more attempts than the entire Lakers team (13). Yeah, roll your eyes at the Lakers homer complaining about the officiating in a loss. This was more than just Crawford being one of the refs."

That Durant, he sure gets to the line, I tell ya.

Update! Nick Collison, poster boy: As nominated by Basketbawful reader Alex K. Man, this could be used for one of those Southwest "Want To Get Away" commercials.


Update! Lamar Odom, poster boy: One good posterization deserves another, right? Of course, an anonymous commenter had a good point: Shouldn't Westbrook have been T'd up for taunting?


Scott Brooks, quote machine: Regarding the, ahem, lively OKC fans: "I was actually disappointed in the crowd because all year long I thought they were the best crowd. They just gave us so much energy and were so loud throughout the year. But now, I realize they were sandbagging."

The Portland Frail Blazers: Is this the same team that used a spirited effort to steal Game 1 in Phoenix? The Frail Blazers -- who once again lost a big man when starting forward Nicolas Batum aggravated a shoulder injury in the first half and had to take the rest of the night off -- fell behind 34-16 after the first quarter and 66-37 by halftime. During the fourth quarter, Rudy Fernandez pulled Portland back to within 11 by drilling three straight threes, but the Suns woke back up and closed things out with a 108-89 win.

Yes! Another sad bench photo!
After the first game, all the talk was about how the Blazers were quietly one of the best defensive teams in the league. Since then, Phoenix has schooled them twice in a row. Last night, the Suns shot 53 percent as a team. What's more, Jason Richardson nailed eight treys and finished with a career playoff-high 42 points. And of those eight triples, about eight of them were wide open.

Said Richardson: "I was surprised they kept leaving me."

So were the fans in attendance at the Rose Garden, who actually booed their Blazers. That's not something that happens every day. That's like a room full of Catholic priests booing the Pope.

The Suns once again put the clamps on Andre Miller (4-for-11, 4 TOs), and Marcus Camby (3-for-7, zero blocked shots) had his second straight "meh" game after signing that two-year extension. Really, guys, you should have waited until after the playoffs to overpay the Camby Man.

I should also point out that the Frail Blazes bricked 12 free throws.

Said Portland coach Nate McMillan: "Tonight we just seemed tight. The first half, we seemed to be a little tight, maybe put some pressure on ourselves. The second half, we won that. We started to play basketball. We started to fight and won both of those quarters."

Too bad the game is still four quarters long, Nate.

Jaron Collins: Think Phoneix would love to have Robin Lopez back right about now? In 17 minutes as the Suns' starting center, Collins finished with zero points and 1 rebound, 1 block, 1 turnover and 2 fouls.

Here's some more Collins-bashing from Steve:

Things that were suggested replacements for Collins by Suns fans (on the RealGM boards):

- The Gorilla ("He's got hops!")
- Jarron Collins' Mom
- Dan Majerle
- Dan Majerle's jersey
- A wooden board
- A cutout of Jake Voskuhl, who was after all a Sun
- "Oh, God, ANYONE"

Update! Carmelo Anthony, quote machine: Apparently, 'Melo likes gettin' physical: "It's in my nature to love contact. The way I play, I like to get to the hole and I'll do whatever it takes to get there. I like going about it the hard way. I love to get thrown on the floor, pushed around. It's fun." Many thanks to Squackalee for this man love special.

Update! David Stern: I'll leave this one to Basketbawful reader Kevin:

Just read Stern's pissy stance about calling out refs. Basically, he said that coaches/players that complain about officiating should consider finding work elsewhere.

By association, Kings fans shouldn't complain about Game 7; Bucks fans about the Sixers series; Spurs fans about 0.2; Mavericks fans about the Finals; Suns fans about the 2006 ejections; Jazz fans about Jordan's push-off; U.S.A Olympic basketball fans about the 1972 U.S./Russia gold-medal game. Am I missing any other instances where the refs actually did an incredible job, but as fans we just didn't appreciate it?

So will Lebron be fined for second-guessing his charging call?

Can we call out Stern when it comes to his (lack of) policing his refs? (Donaghy, Crawford, etc.)

Lacktion report: Blow into your cartridge, kids...it's chris's lacktion report:

Crabs-Bulls: In the shocking defeat of the crustacean crew, JJ Hickson spent 46 seconds distracted by the assembly of a Qix pathway to earn a Mario - his THIRD in three games!!!

Lakers-Thunder: Luke Walton seemed to cue up his dad's exile in San Diego, by bricking twice from, uh, Bricktown for a +2 suck differential in 2:37!

Suns-Blazers: Yes, Jarron Collins should basically rename himself "Jake Voskuhl Jr." at this point, as in his third straight game as the Suns' playoff starting big man, he negated a board in 16:53 with two fouls and a giveaway for a 3:1 ratio, his third in three games.

Travis Diener flashed a Diner's Club card tonight and collected 1.65 trillion (1:39), no doubt just enough to get a lifetime Microsoft Works home user license.

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Portland Trail Blazers

I might be totally imagining this, but the Mavericks' "defense"seems to be aging Mark Cuban at an accelerated rate.
The Orlando Magic: "Vinsanity is back!"

You'll be reading that for the next couple days. At least until after the Magic play the Bulls in Chicago tomorrow night. And there's no doubt that Vince Carter had a throwback game, scoring 48 points on 19-for-27 from the field, 6-for-10 from downtown and 4-for-4 from the line. It was the third-highest point total of his career, behind only the 51 points he scored on February 27, 2000 for the Raptors against the Suns and the 51 points he dropped on the Heat while playing for the Nyets back on December 23, 2005.

And even though I really kind of hate VC, even I have to admit he looked pretty damn good last night. Step-back jumpers with a hand in his face, three-pointers while fading away over two guys, high-light reel-style layups over three guys. It was all pretty sweet...especially for a guy who shot 28 percent during the month of January. Carter also busted James Posey's ankles en route to a pro-hop layin.


You know a "but" is coming, right?

First of all, that performance was an abberation. Please undersstand this. Carter had what was, in essence, the third-best game of his career. And it's no coincidence it happened during a game that felt a helluva lot more like "Warriors versus Knicks" than "Chris Paul-less Hornets versus the Magic."

The final score was 123-117. Both teams shot over 50 percent: Orlando knocked down better than 54 percent of their field goal attempts while New Orleans hit nearly 52 percent from the field and 50 percent from beyond the arc.

This was not a defensive struggle, people.

And even though the Magic won, they fell behind by 17 points to a team without its best player and had to get a vintage scoring explosion from Vince Carter to eke out a six-point win at home.

Vince Carter, quote machine: Regarding his recent return from the icy grips of Basketball Death: "It's a new month. A new month brings new things. The past is the past, and it's going to be that. I've had rough months. That's just how it goes. And I know the expectations, and you work so hard to have an impressive resume, so it's expected each and every night. I understand that, and I don't have a problem with that. I don't mind being booed because I know what I can do. So I was just going to continue to play and shine through."

The _allas Mavericks: The slumping Mavericks outscored their opponent 37-19 in the fourth quarter to pull out a much-needed come-from-behind win. On the road, no less. And yet here they are in Worst of the Night.

That's because the opponent was the Gol_en State Warriors. And there were circumstances. And they were mitigating.

Calling the Warriors "injury plagued" is like calling Avatar "somewhat poorly written." They essentially played six men. Corey Maggette sat out with a finger injury. Devean George had flu-like symptoms. Vladimir Radmanovich missed the game with an Achilles injury. C.J. Watson (six minutes) and Chris Hunter (one minute) made token appearances. And Monta Ellis (27 points, 5 rebounds, 5 assists, 4 steals) had to leave during the fourth quarter due to a right knee injury. So, you know, make it five men.

And yet the Warriors finished with 117 points.

Some people will tell you that the Warriors dropped 70 points in the first half -- the most points scored in a single half by an _allas opponent all season -- before the Mavs "cranked up the defense down the stretch." Right. I'm here to tell you _allas took advantage of a tired team that had no bench to speak of. Stephen Curry (25 points, 9 assists) logged 48 minutes. Anthony Morrow (career-high 33 points, 11 boards, 4 assists) played 45. Monta Ellis missed four minutes...and that was only because he got hurt. Anthony Tolliver (14 points, 11 rebounds) put in 37 minutes off the bench (the only Warrior reserve to get serious time) and freaking Ronny Turiaf ended up with 35 minutes.

Trust me: Turiaf would not be logging that much time unless absolutely necessary. So please, let's not try to claim the Mavericks shut anybody down in the end game.

By the way, the Mavericks have now rallied from a double-digit deficit in 11 games, the most of any team in the NBA. And while that sounds impressive, that only means they've had to come back from double-digit deficits 11 times. Plus they've had 10 one-point victories, which is also an NBA "best."

All of which means: When I look at their 32-19 record, it just seems a little fishy to me.

The Gol_en State Warrors: Injured? Yes. Tired? Also yes. But facts are facts. They choked away a 14-point lead, gave up 127 points on 52 percent shooting (including almost 55 percent from downtown) and lost their season-worst ninth straight game (including five in a row at home).

And did I mention they're now tied with the Minnesota Timberpoops for the title of Worst Team in the Western Conference?

The San Antonio Spurs: For the first time this season, the Spurs are completely healthy. The Lakers, on the other hand, were without Kobe Bryant (bum foot) and Andrew Bynum (bruised hip cranky vagina). Should have been a gimme for San Antonio, right?

Sorry. These aren't your older brother's Spurs.

Pau Gasol (21 points, 18 rebounds, 8 assists, 5 blocked shots) not only outplayed Tim Duncan (16 points, 14 boards, 4 blocks), he also kinda proved that he -- and not a certain Black Mamba -- is L.A.'s foundation player. The Lakers really struggled without Gasol earlier this season. Yet in two games without Kobe Bryant, L.A. snapped a five-year losing streak in Portland by blowing out the Frail Blazers on Saturday, and last night they notched a double-digit home win over the Spurs.

Crazy.

The Lakers are now 55-33 all-time when Kobe sits out. Of course, Kobe apologists will be quick to point out that they're 19-23 in 42 games without him since the 2003-04 season. BUT...10 of those losses happened during the 2004-05 season. For the record, that was the first post-Shaq season. You know, the year Rudy Tomjanovich bailed on the team and and Kobe struggled with injuries down the stretch, forcing the Lakers to go to war with a starting five of Caron Butler, Chucky Atkins, Devean Goerge, Brian Grant and Luke Walton.

So, again, mitigating circumstances.

But as much as I love to bust on Kobe, the real victims of this entry are the Spurs. And here's what stands out most about this loss: The fact that nothing really stands out. They shot poorly (42 percent), but so did the Lakers (43 percent). They finished with three fewer rebounds and three fewer assists. They committed 13 turnovers, but L.A. scored only six points off those miscues, whereas San Antonio scored 12 points off 10 Lakers turnovers The Spurs outscored L.A. 48-46 in the paint.

When you come right down to it, the Spurs just...they just got outplayed. The Lakers were the better team. Without Kobe. Without Bynum. With Shannon Brown going 3-for-13 in 37 minutes while starting in Byrant's place.

If you're a San Antonio fan, that's gotta be pretty depressing. In related news, the Spurs are now involved in a legal battle over George Hill's genitals. And no, I'm not kidding.

The Nobel Peace Prize nomination process: Nominated? The Internet. Seriously. [H/T AnacondaHL.]

Lacktion report: Chris maintains his love affair with lacktion:

Hornets-Magic: Emeka Okafor bricked and fouled four times against two boards to earn a 4:2 Voskuhl in 9:01. Sean Marks also got into the Voskuhl category with a 3:1 ratio in 6:28, negating a board with three fouls. Meanwhile, former Clipper Jason Hart tossed a turnip in two seconds for a Super Mario!!!

Mavs-Warriors: The Oracle may have seen 244 points from both teams in 48 minutes, but such expansion on the scoreboard certainly did not prevent lacktivity from occurring!

In a snoozer of a start performance, Eduardo Najera subbed for Erick Dampier and can now participate in insider trades with team owner Mark Cuban, due to his 3.15 trillion (3:10) check! And speaking of Cuban, his "virtually untradeable" pet project (http://espn.go.com/blog/dallasmavericks/post/_/id/4665553/cuban-beaubois
-is-pretty-much-untouchable), Rodrigue Beaubois, earned himself a +4 suck differential in 1:49 via a pair of both fouls and giveaways.

For Team Nellieball, CJ Watson also earned a +4 in 6:18, via a trio of fouls and a singular loss of the rock. Also collecting wealth (enough to make Oracle founder Larry Ellison proud) was Chris Hunter, who earned a 1.05 trillion (1:03).

Spurs-Lakers: DJ Mbenga can now buy a home in Beverly Hills after collecting a celebratory 1.3 trillion (1:18)!

Labels: Dallas Mavericks, Golden State Warriors, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Orlando Magic, San Antonio Spurs, Vince Carter

No day at Basketbawful is complete without at least one facepalm photo.
The Washington Wizards Generals Bullets: Could there be a better presecription for Boston's recent woes than playing the woeful Bullets? Well, except for playing the Nyets or Timberpoops, that is. No, of course not. Still, this contest was closer than the Celtics faithful would have liked...until the fourth quarter. That's when the (recently) Luckless Leprechauns outscored Washington 25-10 to ice the game. However, it was a win that had Bullets center Brendan Haywood crying foul. But mostly just crying.

Said Haywood: "You're playing against the Boston Celtics, so you're not going to get a lot of calls. KG's going to set illegal screens; they're not going to be called. That's just part of the game. You're going to go to the basket, and if it's not basically just a straight-up WWF body slam, you're not getting the call."

Just for kicks, let's go ahead and look at the final tallies. Personal fouls: Boston 23, Washington 24. Free throw attempts: Boston 36, Washington 36. Mind you, the Bullets average 24.7 FTAs per game, which means they were 11.3 FTAs over their average in this game. As always, I'm just sayin'.

As for Haywood's claims, the Celtics must have been "fouling" the Bullets on their jumpers too, because Washington went 19-for-50 from the outside and only 1-for-10 from downtown.

Antawn Jamison: 'Tawn joined KG in the "Chris Webber Memorial Limpin' Around Bravely On One Leg All-Stars" thanks to a left knee that went all gimpy during the pregame warm-ups. The dude was clearly laboring, which might explain why he got whistled for five fouls in the fourth quarter and scored only 8 points on 2-for-17 shooting, including 0-for-9 in the second half. Antawn's performance also had Washington coach Flip Saunders crying foul. But mostly just crying. "I thought the refereeing was inconsistent at times. I thought that 'Tawn got hit a few times. You don't go 2-for-17 in his situation and not get to the line more than six times. The guys were just really frustrated, especially 'Tawn, because of a lot of no-calls."

Reality check: 13 of Jamison's 17 shot attempts were jumpers, which traditionally don't result in a lot of foul shots.

Gilbert Arenas: So...a few hours before tipoff, an op-ed piece by Arenas was put up on The Washington Post's Web site in which Agent Zero pledged to be a better role model and said he understands "guns and violence are serious problems, not joking matters." Too little, too late, Gil.

The Miami Heat: The Bucks' 97-81 win in Maimi was the Heat's second-largest home loss of the season. Not bad for a team that entered the game 5-18 outside of Milwaukee. As for the Heat, things started off lousy and pretty much stayed that way. Miami set new season-lows by shooting 17.6 percent in the first quarter and 27.5 percent in the half. They ended up shooting 36.4 percent for the game...which was their third-worst FGP of the season.

As Basketbawful reader kazam92 put it: "The Heat are no longer the bipolar girlfriend. They just suck period. They were up 11-0 and got an anal fissure the rest of the game."

Bad news for Heat fans: In the next three weeks, Miami has only one more game in, er, Miami. In their next five games, they have roadies against the Celtics, Crabs, the suddenly red-hot Bulls and the Hawks. Can anybody smell the sub-.500 awaiting the Heat? It's that slight aroma of barbequed dog hair and fail.

Jermaine O'Neal The Drain missed the game with back spasms. Remember last season when some Miami fans insisted to me that O'Neal (12 PPG, 7 RPG) was going to make a huge difference on the Heat? Of course, those same people said Jamario Moon was going to play like an All-Star for Miami...and now Moon's playing in Cleveland. I'm just sayin'.

Erik Spoelstra, captain obvious: Regarding his team's blowout loss at home to a 21-25 team: "Needless to say, that was a very tough evening for us." Yes. That was needless to say.

The Phoenix Suns: Yes, they've won three in a row after a really ugly stretch of near Clipper-ness, but last night, against the Chris Paul-less Hornets, they let a 20-point third-quarter lead (83-63) dwindle to two (100-98) with 1:41 left in the fourth. Did I mention rookie Darren Collison -- playing in CP3's place -- lit 'em up for 16 points and 14 assists en route to the near comeback/upset? If it wasn't for a couple clutch plays by Grant Hill, the Suns might have lost this one. So here's an artist's rendition of the Suns nearly crapping away yet another 20-point lead:

Somebody get him a newspaper. This could take a while.
Amar''''''e Stoudemire, quote machine: "We did a phenomenal job defensively. It all goes down to our defensive effort. In the past three games we've done a great job with that. We wanted to come out and set the tone early." Reality check: For the season, New Orleans averages 99.9 points on 45 percent shooting. Against Phoenix, the Hornets scored 100 points on 45 percent shooting. I'm not sure "holding a team without its best player to its averages" really qualifies as a "phenomenal job defensively." Oh, wait, we're talking about the Suns. It might actually be phenomenal defense for them.

The Los Angeles Lakers: Ha, ha! Suck it, Fakers!

Sorry. Couldn't help myself. Headlines like " The Grizzlies might have overshadowed Kobe Bryant's night by beating the Lakers" give me a happy. Regarding Mamba's night, he scored 44 points to pass Jerry West as L.A.'s all-time leading scorer. Mind you, West scored his 21,192 points on 19,032 shot attempts over 932 games. Bryant passed him by taking 19,271 shot attempts over 997 games. So yes, Bryant is the Lakers' new all-time scoring champ...but it was kind of by attrition.

Anyway, L.A.'s loss isn't too shocking, despite the Grizzlies' recent mini-slump. The second night of back-to-backs on the road against a good team usually results in a loss. Although it's worth noting the Lakers had a chance to win at the buzzer. However -- take note, Celtics -- Memphis sent a wave of defenders at Mamba, who was forced to pass the ball to Ron Artest. Not surprisingly, Artest missed. For all his talent, Ron-Ron never had a reputation as a clutch player.

Said Kobe: "They had like three guys [on me]. Ron was wide open in the corner. I'll take that look any time. It just went a little long." He'll take that look any time...but only if he absolutely cannot get the shot himself. We all realize that, right? I mean, Mamba took 28 shots while Pau Gasol finished with seven FGAs and Andrew Bynum got only three. Kobe absolutely shot well (16-for-28), but is there any reason Byrant needed 18 more shots than the team's two best percentage shooters combined? Of course not. And Phil Jackson noticed.

Said P-Jax: "At halftime, I told the guys that he [Bryant] was forcing the action, and let's get him over the hump and start playing team basketball. It didn't seem like we ever did." If by "we" he meant "Kobe," Phil is absolutely right.

Mike Conley: Mike bonked a couple freebies with 21 seconds left that could have iced the game. This guy buckled so bad he should be made into a belt to hold up the pants of fail.

Rudy Gay: He played well -- 21 points, 10-for-19 -- but he did have a pretty hilarious boner in the first half, as described in the AP game notes: "The teams were tied at 24 at the end of the first because of a mental lapse by Gay, who thought the game clock was running out and fired up a 47-footer with about 5 seconds left. The errant shot bounced hard off the backboard, and the Lakers moved the ball to Bryant, who connected on a 3-pointer from the corner as time expired."

Whoops.

Michael Wilbon: He seriously suggested that Kobe might deserve to become the NBA's new logo and also steal West's "Mr. Clutch" nickname. To which I say: Are you fucking kidding me?! Wilbon needs to be crammed into a large burlap sack and then beaten with large, heavy things. Wilbon's ridiculous little monologue was the most exploitative pile of feces since...since...since Bad Girls Go To Hell.


The Dallas Mavericks: Just as the Heat have lost their bipolar girlfriend designation by descending into the steamy bowels of suckitude, the Jazz are losing theirs by not sucking. After a tight first three quarters, Utah outscored Dallas 27-16 in the final 12 minutes to earn a 104-92 home win over the Mavs.

The key? Dallas was weak inside, as the Boring Musicians outrebounded the Cowboys 43-34 and outscored them 54-32 in the paint. Then, once Utah put on the nipple clamps in the final period, that was all she wrote.

Said Dirk Nowitzki: "They just stepped up their pressure in the fourth. I couldn't get any looks. I barely had the ball in my hands." Sounds like a personal problem.

That makes six straight wins for the Jazz, who are surging, and I don't mean in a my-stomach-after-capping-off-a-night-of-binge-drinking-by-eating-a-burrito-as-big-as-my-head kind of way. With this latest victory, Utah pulled to within a half-game of the Mavericks for third place in the Western Conference standings. But wait, there's more! The Jazz also clinched the season series 2-1, giving them the tiebreaker over the Mavs.

This really shouldn't surprise anyone. Dallas has won, what, 10 one-point games this season? Games that close are usually about 50-50. The fact that the Mavericks pulled them all out probably means their record is at least slightly deceiving.

Erick Dampier: "Ericka" finished with zero points and 2 rebounds despite starting at center and logging 20 minutes of PT. And this is the point where I remind you, faithful readers, that, years ago, Mark Cuban opted to let Steve Nash walk away and then used the money he refused to spend to retain Nash on Dampier. This fact must never, ever be forgotten.

The Sacramento Kings: The Nuggets were playing their fifth straight game without Carmelo Anthony (anal spasms), and it actually looked like the Purple Paupers were going to take advantage of 'Melo's extended vacation. Sacto was up 64-50 at halftime and 72-55 with 6:34 remaining in the third quarter before going into "Collapse Mode." I'll save our intrepid lacktion reporter some pain and just cut to the chase: The Kings ended up losing to the Nuggets 112-109 in OT.

Damning stat of the night: The Kings gave up 25 points off 19 turnovers. And 15 of those TOs happened during the second half.

Said Sacramento coach Paul "I'm not Vinny Del Negro" Westphal: "I can't give them credit for forcing turnovers. I give us blame for not being strong with the basketball. I think the Nuggets were ready for us to take the game, but we let them start feeling it, did not execute offensively. I honestly don't think the Nuggets woke up until late in the fourth quarter. And then in overtime they were really good with their intensity. They were feeling like they might as well win and they did."

So the Kings were feeling like they might as well lose...and they did? Oh, what a feeling.

Keep in mind that the Paupers were without Tyreke Evans, who was a late scratch due to a vaginal bleeding. But that doesn't change the fact that the Purple Ones have lost 10 straight road games and are 3-18 since the 35-point comeback in Chicago.

The Charlotte Bobcats: The 'Cats arrived in Portland with a 6-17 road record, and they left with a road record of 6-18 after the Frail Blazers whupped them 98-79. Charlotte is one of those classic "good at home, bad on the road" squads that experts say is scary...but they really aren't. Yes, I know they posted a 12-4 record in January, which was a franchise record for wins in a single month. And I also know the Bobcats averaged 112.7 points in their past three games, and that those wins all came on the road. But then again, they were also against the Suns, Warriors and Kings...defensive sieves one and all.

Do not let those deceiving samples fool you. When Stephen Jackson is absolutely critical to a team's success, then your team is fundamentally flawed.

One of Captain Jack's biggest problems is ball control, and sure enough, he and teammate Boris Diaw tied for a game-high in turnovers (5), which was a big part of why the Bobcats gave up 28 points on 21 turnovers.

Mitigating factor: This game was Charlotte's fifth in seven days as part of a six-game Western Conference road trip. So maybe I'm wrong about all that stuff I said. Maybe the 'Cats really can make some noise this postseason.

Yeah. And maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.

Update! Lacktion report: Sorry for the brain fart...I forgot Chris's lacktion report on the first go-around:

Celtics-Bullets: Brian Scalabrine fired off three fouls in 9:54 to negate an assist for a 3:0 Voskuhl, while Fabricio Oberto was sparked by Dominic McGuire's absence to blast into the lacktion ledger with two fouls and a giveaway for a +3 in 4:22 that also earned a 3:0 Voskuhl!

Lakers-Grizzlies: DJ Mbenga and Josh Powell no doubt will have boosted Jerry Buss's bank for his next poker match, judging from their collection of 1.15 trillion (1:10) and 1.6 trillion (1:37) respectively!!!!

Suns-Hornets: Morris Peterson pawed at two pieces of masonry from the French Quarter for a +2 in 8:20, while Sean Marks dropped a foul in 2:50 for a +1 that also counted as a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl.

Kings-Nuggets: Sean May took a foul in 1:43 for a +1 (and a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl).

Bobcats-Frail Blazers: DeSagana Diop negated a board in 2:24 with two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl, while Portland's Patrick Mills made his second career appearance in the Association count with a giveaway and brick for a +2 in 1:37.

Labels: Charlotte Bobcats, Dallas Mavericks, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Clippers, Michael Wilbon, Washington Bullets, Worst of the Night