Over the past few months, bloggers, coaches, general managers, journalists and even NBA legends have taken turns playing Whack-A-Douche with LeBron for The Decision. It's been like King Crab is a human piñata and his humiliation is sweet, delicious candy.

Of course, all the hate was simply thinly veiled racism. Because when I think of the great racists of our time, guys like Charles Barkley, Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan immediately spring to mind. It's like that Dave Chappelle skit about the black white supremacist...only for real.

Anyway, Kobe Bryant recently gave a classic LeBron-inspired sound bite. Specifically, that he could beat James in a game of one-on-one. Easily. Without question. In his sleep. With both hands tied behind his back and both feet dunked into buckets of cement.


It's hard to say whether Kobe's proclamation was another racist attack on LeBron...but it does seem reasonably accurate. I mean, Mamba pretty much said what most people were already thinking: Kobe's basic nature is that of a one-on-one gunner, and LeBron is more of a Magic Johnson/Mega Pippen kind of player. Sure, Kobe delivered the message in his usual arrogant cock-bag manner, but that doesn't mean he isn't correct.

Don't forget that LeBron is feeding on all this hate to make himself stronger than ever. Maybe Kobe's comments will make 'Bron grow a third bicep or something. I don't know. But this is just another reason to look forward to the first Heat-Lakers game of the season.

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24 Comments:
Anonymous UpA said...
Kobe's just like the coolest guy ever. Not even a smile, I mean, cocky, arrogant, and everything, but nothing can heat up Mr. Cool.

I suggest a new All Star weekend contest, one on one, mano a mano, ego vs ego, fuck the horse game, fuck the repetitive dunk contest, fuck everything else, we want to see this. Now!

Anonymous kazam92 said...
You guys make me feel bad for being a heatfan but holy crap Lebron should've went to college. That guy just comes off as dumb when he opens his yap. Shut up and play

Blogger David said...
Bawful.... Come on, that's unfair. He didn't claim that "racism" was the reason for his criticism. He made a very reasonable comment when asked a question, which was that race probably had something to do with the reaction from the public.

There's a huge difference between saying people don't like him anymore because they're "racist" and saying that race could have affected the length and intensity of the reaction among some.

A few black ex-NBAers (who have legacies to protect) agreeing with his detractors does not invalidate his statement.

I'm not gonna rant anymore because JA Adande already wrote the definitive piece on this subject over at ESPN. All I'll say is that the recent reports about how his Q rating has changed along racial lines would seem to indicate that there is at least some truth to this idea.

White people tend to be more critical of black people, and black people are more forgiving of other black people. Shocking stuff, right?

Blogger Paul said...
Hahahaha, I'm literally rolling over this one.

Coming to think about it though, it'd be really nice if say instead of the "Sprite skills contest" they would host a "One on One" tournament during the all star weekend and do it by weight like in boxing.
So you could potentially see Amare vs. Bosh vs. Dirk vs. Gasol and the likes.
And in the other weight division, Kobe, DWade, King Crab, Durant, Melo, etc.

Anyways, that was some nice read Mr. Bawful.

Blogger Knockitdownagain said...
I honestly think that Kobe lies awake in bed and ponders the perfect way to be a complete jackass the next day.

Anonymous flip said...
I think I just smiled at Kobe Bryant for the first time. I need to wash myself with gallons of Purell. I feel dirty....

Could it be that Lebron's idiocyfest this summer is going to make Kobe, gulp, likable????

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Came into chime what David said - he never brought up that people were racist. He was specifically asked if race had anything to do with that reaction, and said it likely did a bit.

Context is obvious here.

Blogger Cortez said...
"Came into chime what David said - he never brought up that people were racist...."

Agreed.

Lebron is still a chump though.

Blogger Cortez said...
"Sure, Kobe delivered the message in his usual arrogant cock-bag manner, but that doesn't mean he isn't correct..."

He's not correct. At least not in the way he sounds. Which seems to indicate he would win a vast majority of the games. One-on-one is vastly different than isolation during a 5 on 5 set. In one-on-one a larger skilled player can simply back you down with a series of reverse dribbles every possession. which is why one-on-one dominance tells you very little about how effective and/or efficient someone would be at scoring during a game

If LeBron gets the ball first, Bryant would be in a lot of trouble one-on-one.

Anonymous Heretic said...
I have such a man-crush on Kobe, such a complete bastard in the most awesome way possible.

Blogger Adam said...
Cortez: The only issue would be whose superstar calls would cancel out the other's superstar calls.

Given all LeBron needs to do to draw a foul is go shoulder down and charge - er, I mean move toward - the basket, he would definitely have the advantage when he has the ball.

Kobe definitely has the short end of the stick on pure athleticism at this point in both their careers but his fundamentals and offensive game are far superior (can anybody with better stat research skills compare how each of them does defensively?), so again it would come down to how much the refs would let each of them get away with.

Which isn't to say I'm confident he'd have it as easy as he claims, but LeBron simply being bulkier isn't all there is to it.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
ESPN figured out a long time ago that the word "Race" attracts attention and polarizes issues, people, and readers.

It's just a buzzword used to get ratings. And it's important to note that they brought it up, not LeBron.

But yeah. He's a douche bag. And that is because he did douchey things; not because he's black.

Anonymous Toby said...
I definitely don't agree with some of Kobe's past decisions–on and off the court and it's easy to hate him because he's on the Lakers and they keep winning rings. But I think he's right. Lebron may be a superior physical specimen, with more raw talent than Kobe but he is so unpolished and lacking in finesse, it's crazy.
Yes he should have gone to college, to mature his game and himself, but do you really think he'd have gone to class or been required to or listened to his coach? Does anyone think Lebron works half as hard as Kobe does during the offseason? If Lebron had the self-discipline and an authority figure who would stand up to him, he could truly become the greatest player ever. But it's not going to happen. Did anyone read the article by Adrian Wojnarowski, which I believe was the original rebuttal to Dan Gilbert? He mentioned Lebron's attention span and how they (Cleveland staff) deliberately cut film sessions short because of it. You can just imagine him sitting in the back row, biting his fingernails and making fun of his teammates, while Mike Brown pretended not to notice.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Sorry: CNN, not ESPN. Same difference.

OpenID andythesaint said...
@Cortez - Yeah, LeBron could back Kobe down and use some of his legendary back to the basket low post moves. Failing that, he always has his pull up jumper. These are the things LeBron is known for after all.

Blogger senormedia said...
Would LeB even have a clue as to how to post up the smaller Kobe?

Blogger David Robinson said...
"It's hard to say whether Kobe's proclamation was another racist attack on LeBron..."


maybe I'm way off...but wasn't that sarcasm to the extreme? I mean, I literally did an lol. That was great.

Anonymous kaos021 said...
Isn't it odd that the smaller player, Kobe, has much better post moves than the Chosen One? As you don't get free throws in a one on one game, I think Kobe may be completely right.

Blogger Fishy said...
I'm sure people are taking this as Kobe dissing Lebron, but last time I checked having someone say you're like Magic Johnson is a compliment

Anonymous Gabe said...
That idea of a one-on-one tournament sounds great in theory, but in reality I think it'd bomb. No superstar would want to play. We'd be getting one-on-one battles of Brandon Rush vs James Singleton.

And as far as the one-on-one games go, LeBron can easily beat Kobe. His size and athleticism would be too much, Kobe wouldn't be able to keep LeBron from getting layups and dunks. If Kobe misses any outside shots he'd lose.

Blogger Hillsolo said...
"It's hard to say whether Kobe's proclamation was another racist attack on LeBron..."

Agreed with DR, totally the spotlight of the article, funny as hell, man.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Isn't it odd that the smaller player, Kobe, has much better post moves than the Chosen One? As you don't get free throws in a one on one game, I think Kobe may be completely right.

No, Kobe's an idiot. LeBron doesn't need a post game to beat Kobe in one-on-one. LeBron is bigger, stronger and as fast. All he has to do is put up bricks and get his own rebounds, which he will do because Kobe on his best day is half as good on the boards as LeBron on his average day.

Kobe beating LeBron one-on-one presupposes that Kobe will make all his shots. If he doesn't, he'll never get the ball back. And Kobe is probably the most over-rated clutch shooter of all time.

Blogger Cortez said...
"Yeah, LeBron could back Kobe down and use some of his legendary back to the basket low post moves."

You don't need "legendary" post moves when you are 6 inches in front of the basket, have an UNLIMITED time to hold the ball, bigger & stronger than your opponent, and can jump out of the gym.

"Failing that, he always has his pull up jumper."

He wouldn't need to shoot any pull up jumpers. See the above answer.

"These are the things LeBron is known for after all."

Pointless.

If Bryant ever played James 1-on-1, he'd would be in a lot of trouble once James got the ball.

Refer back to Lakers vs. Denver in the playoff 2 years ago when Kobe tried to guard Anthony in the post 1-on-1 for an extended period.

I thought someone was going to call child protective services to stop the abuse.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
All above points are fair, Cortez Except one thing, you can't comapare LeBron's post game to Melo's.

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