broken hand bawful
Beware of bags. And doorbells. And the dark.

Let the chorus of "I told you so's" begin: Carlos "No really, I'm telling you, I'm not injury prone" Boozer is out for approximately eight weeks due to a fracture of the fifth metacarpal on his right hand. It will require surgery to repair and rehab to make right.

Boozer -- who signed a five-year, $80 million contract with the Bulls this summer -- hasn't even played a preseason game for Chicago yet.

**facepalm**

The injury didn't happen during some grueling practice session either. He wasn't viciously dunking over a vision of Chris Bosh or anything. No, Boozer earned himself an entry in the Basketbawful Dumb Injury Hall of Shame with this one. As reported by K.C. Johnson of the Chicago Tribune:

"I was at my house, came around a corner, fell over a bag, put my arm down to try to brace myself and fractured my fifth metacarpal into three pieces. I'll get surgery on Tuesday, do my rehab and conditioning, be around the guys."

He tripped over...a bag?

"If I had landed with an open hand I would've been fine. But somehow my right hand got turned over and that's what caused the break."

Wait, wait, wait. What?

"It happened last night, probably 5:30-6 o'clock at night, got it looked at right away. I find out for sure today when I saw the hand specialist. I'm going to get it done as soon as possible, so Tuesday morning I'm going in early to get the surgery taken care of so I can start my rehab process."

But a bag, Carlos? A freakin' bag?

"It was just dark. My doorbell had rang and I tripped over a bag, tried to brace myself and it popped. I jumped back up, opened the door and my hand was still a little bit numb."

C'mon, Carlos. What really happened?

"It was a big bag I had first thing over here at the hotel for training camp. I went back to my place, hadn't unpacked the bag yet, came around the corner, running to get the door and fell over it. I'm 265, 5 percent body fat. I'm heavy, man. I guess I had to brace myself and my weight just collapsed the bone right there."

Seriously??

"At least it happened right now and not later in the season."

Boozer has a point. This way, he'll be free and clear to suffer some other debilitating injury that will force him out of action for a couple months. Getting hurt this early on will significantly increase his Injury Efficiency for the season.

"I'm disappointed and feel bad about it, but we've got guys who will be able to step up and play. I'm going to be there supporting. I'll be the biggest cheerleader and sideline coach and be busting my butt to try and get healthy, attacking my rehab to try and get right."

Uh oh. If Boozer can't answer a door without breaking his hand in three places, I don't want to imagine what'll happen when he "attacks" his rehab. I'm thinking spontaneous combustion is a very real possibility. That's assuming the earth doesn't open up and swallow him first.

"I'll be back stronger than ever and my hand will be just fine. Right when it heals up, they'll slide pins out and move forward."

Thanks for letting us know, Doctor Boozer.

"I don't feel like I'm cursed, just bad luck. I'll get a new bag though. And I'll have someone else answer the door."

I'm not sure anything less than living inside a plastic bubble will be good enough.

But good luck with that, Carlos.

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23 Comments:
Blogger BadDave said...
"Beware of bags."

I wish I'd heard this advice BEFORE I got married. Heyoooo!

Blogger Dan B. said...
I feel like you should be able to place bets in Vegas sportsbooks on what Boozer's next injury will be and how it will happen. Won't it be nice when sometime later this season you hit a 50-to-1 longshot on Boozer getting his ass whupped by a shower door like Zab Judah?

BadDave -- Zing!

Blogger zyth said...
don't worry chitown fans, you always have Scalabrine!

i'm kind of wondering wether or not it will turn into another moped case

Blogger Japes said...
This is odd, isn't Boozer one of the most coordinated PFs in the league? How the heck does he break his hand tripping on something? Maybe that's why LeBron signed with Miami instead of Chicago, lol.

Anonymous Joe said...
I've been a Jazz fan for years, and the whole Carlos injury scenario has oft been a topic of discussion. What's sad, however, is that for most people around here the final analysis when he left was, "Oh well, I guess he can go be injured on Chicago's bench now." Note that this was the take BEFORE we got Al Jefferson to replace him.

75 million dollar cheerleader. Good lock with that.

The word verification is bating. Does that just sound dirty to me?

Blogger Gökhan said...
"I'm 265, 5 percent body fat. I'm heavy, man."

at least he wasn't at 4 percent body fat. that would be disaster. 265, 4 percent is way heavier than 265, 5 percent.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Were Boozer 265, 6% body fat, he would have danced upon the wind like a maple leaf caught in an updraft, before drifting to the ground with the ease and grace of a cloud.

Blogger Passives Abseits said...
I needed like 30 seconds to realize, that there was only one hand in that picture... and then another 30 seconds for my reaction "ohhh F@ck"...
oh and yeah... 5:30 stumbling over bags... is Boozer already so old, that he has to get up and take a piss at night, ot why was he even up at 5:30?

Anonymous Stockton said...
Boozer just got injured in the dark... a couple years ago he pulled a ... boozer on a blind man. Karma is a beach...

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Am I the only one thinking "Well, pot/booze will do that to your reaction time" here?

Blogger Ash said...
Totally unrelated, but totally bawful:

ESPN.com to Launch “The Heat Index” Oct. 11

http://www.espnmediazone3.com/us/2010/10/espn-com-to-launch-%E2%80%9Cthe-heat-index%E2%80%9D-oct-11/

Yep, that's an entire section about the Heat, every damn day.

Like we haven't gotten enough of LeBron.

I swear.. I'm never going to ESPN.com again if they keep up this shit.

Blogger Dan B. said...
ESPN.com to Launch “The Heat Index” Oct. 11

...wow. Just go Google Image Search "facepalm" to sum up my reaction to this news.

Anonymous Barry said...
I can't get through the house at night without hitting something, but hitting a bag, falling over and breaking your hand? Was it the Queen of England herself ringing the doorbell? At 5:30!

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Yeah he tripped over a bag... of WEED

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
He's your sometimes tantalizing, usually frustrating, injury prone and completely unreliable problem now, Bulls fans.

Then again, the above could easily apply to Al Jefferson as well. *sigh*

Anonymous Bryan said...
Does anyone else feel that the 5% body fat comment was not needed at all? Just telling us you're a big guy or that your 265 should have sufficed but how else would he have been able to share his body fat percentage with us? They have a word usually reserved for people like that. It starts with d and ends with bag.

Anonymous JJ said...
I think Boozer's quote was cut off. I'm sure it's supposed to be, "I'm 265 with 5% body fat...and 95% glass."

Anonymous laddder said...
AK Dave said...

Yeah he tripped over a bag... of WEED


More likely its the money he just got from the new contract lol

Anonymous Adria said...
I think the most shocked people here are the Clippers fans:

"Can the Bulls be what they thought we were??"

PS: My laptop is messed up and I can't put my "accented A" in my name :( It shows like this: Adri``a
It won't be the same...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Basketbawful could you please dedicate an entry on stupid injuries picked up by basketball players? I'm sure Carlos Boozer is just the tip of the iceberg.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Anon -- We're one step ahead of you: the Official Basketbawful Dumb Injury Hall of Shame.

Anonymous caseta said...
quit whining, you little bitches. he mentioned his body fat cause if he just said "i'm heavy, man. i weigh 265 pounds", you whining little bitches would be all like "well, why don't you lose some fat, carlos ?"

ref heat index: U MAD ?

Blogger Wormboy said...
Dammit Gokhan, I was going to make that joke about % body fat! Curses!

{And what are the odds? I know a Gokhan who works in my building. An electron microscopist.}

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