The Hawks set a new NBA playoff record for getting blown out in a sweep...not to mention an unofficial record for most sad bench photos.
The Atlanta Hawks: Look, I hate to say I told you so -- oh, who am I kidding...I love saying I told you so! -- but the Atlanta-Orlando series proved beyond a shadow of a doubt what I've been saying since the preseason. Specifically, that the Hawks were, at best, a second tier team.

There's no particular shame in that. And, frankly, it should have been obvious looking at the roster. Their captain and best player is a volume shooter who relies on a steady diet of isolation plays...and that's what their offense is based on. Well, that and running, when they can. That never quite happened against the Magic. In the "Broom Game," Atlanta managed only 6 fast break points.

And as for their All-Star/All-NBA team leader, Joe Johnson, he saved his worst for last. Joe averaged 13.4 points a game on 32 percent shooting over his last seven playoff games. Facing almost certain elimination, Johnson went out and scored only 14 points on 5-for-15 shooting. He also bricked a couple free throws and went 1-for-6 from downtown. In fact, his last shot attempt -- maybe his last ever as a member of the Hawks -- was an air ball from 25 feet out as the shot clock was about to expire.

Not what you'd call a storybook ending. It was more like one of those M.Night Shyamalan movies with the twist ending that leaves you feeling confused, disappointed and full of self-hate.

If Johnson does flee Atlanta this summer, the fans might not be all that upset about it (well, until the team falls into complete ruin next season, anyway). As the AP recap put it: "[Johnson] was booed by the home crowd at the start of the game and got the same treatment when he went to the bench with 3:51 to play. The fans were still miffed that he said didn't care if they 'showed up or not' after they heckled the team in a 30-point loss on Saturday."

I know this will shock and astound you, but Joe doesn't give a shit: "It doesn't bother me, man. I've got thick skin. I've been booed louder than that."

As for the Hawks, the were -18% in 3P%, -15% in FGP, -10 in assists, -7 in rebounds and of course -14 in total points. Speaking of margins of defeat, the Hawks conspired to help the Magic set a new playoff record for playoff asskicking: Orlando had the largest margin of victory in any four-game sweep in NBA postseason history (+25.3 PPG).

Reality check: The Magic and Hawks finished second and third in the Eastern Conference...but the Dirty Birds suffered the most bawful four-game pimp slap in league history. Think about that. Let it soak in. Now read this mea culpa from Scoop Jackson (via chris):

Dear Atlanta Hawks,

Thanks.

That's the only word that feels appropriate. That's the only word ESPN will let me use without violating the language code set in place for moments just like this.

Thanks for making me look like an idiot for publicly picking you to win the East.

Yes, I said "publicly" and yes I did that. Back In January, I went out of my way to tell anyone that wanted to listen that I believed the team from the ATL was going to be the last one standing in the NBA East when it was all said and done.

Over Boston, over Cleveland, over the Orlando Magic.

Now I look like the last comic standing...without any jokes.

This is worse than when I was fooled into picking the New Jersey Nets in 2005 to win the whole thing. Now I know how Rod Blagojevich and Steve Bartman must feel everyday.

So Hawks, my squad, thanks for making me look more of a damn fool.

From here on out, I don't need your help. I can do that all by myself.

Thanks for nothing.

Scoop

Couldn't you almost hear the Journey music playing while you were reading that?

Joe Johnson: See above. And for the hell of it, here are 10 reasons Joe Cool isn't a superstar. For my money, there's just one reason, and it's called "This series."

Okay, okay. One more dis for "iso-Joe" from Basketbawful reader and Suns fan Clifton: "Joe Johnson hasn't changed a bit since the Suns refused to give him all that dough he wanted. Just like getting rid of Marion, it's taken a little while for it to bear fruit, but boyyyyyyyy does that ever look like a good move now. People seemed surprised at his bitter comments about the Atlanta fans after Game 3, but we heard pretty much the same song here in PHX that summer when he was lobbying for his new deal. And, sure enough, as the money nears its end, Joe shows his true colors once again."

Josh Smith: If the NBA gave out MVP awards for teams that just got swept, Smith would probably receive one for this series. But...according to the game notes in the AP recap: "Smith, who ranked third in the NBA with 2.14 blocks a game during the regular season, had only two blocks in the entire series against the Magic."

I'm just sayin'.

Mike Bibby: 11 minutes, 4 points, 2 assists. Let me put it this way, if I was out to eat and my steak came out this done, I'd send it back to the kitchen and then leave the restaurant and never come back. Unless it was to burn the place down.

Mike Bibby watches the slow, shuddering death of his career...from the lonely comfort of the Atlanta bench.
Mike Brown: Basketbawful reader Will pretty much said it all: "There's no way on God's green Earth that Mike Woodson can come back next year. Rashard just hit a three to put Orlando up 21 and the camera cuts to him looking like a cigar store Indian. I wasn't sure if he had a pulse. The Hawks need someone who knows about that orange sphere called a basketball."

Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: "If we're better than you, we're going to win most of the time."

Vince Carter, quote machine: "Guys are just focused. It's unbelievable to see. This is my opportunity for a championship."

Don't worry, everybody. I don't think Vag Carter will be joining the "Antoine Walker Memorial Team of Players Who Didn't Deserve to Win a Title But Did Anyway." The Magic are getting a lot of buzz for sweeping through the first two rounds, but let's be honest: They had two very favorable matchups. I think they're going to get a wakeup call in the next round. And even if they do reach the Finals, I can't see their outside game beating the Lakers' inside game.

Another sad bench photo. And you know what that means...
The Utah Jazz: After dismantling the Denver Nuggets in the first round, the Jazz were feeling pretty good about themselves. Deron Williams dubbed himself the best point guard alive and the Mormon Musicians felt they had a very real chance to upset the Lakers. And hey, they could have stolen a game in L.A., and the third was certainly up for grabs. But once the buzzer sounded after that Game 3 loss, you could just tell Utah was finished.

"We just can't beat these guys" might as well have been written on their foreheads in magic marker. Okay, that sentence would probably only fit on Carlos Boozer's giant forehead, but still. I read somewhere that Utah's practice the day before Game 4 felt like a funeral, meaning the Jazz had lost this one before it ever began.

They're called "motions," and the Jazz were going through them.

The Lakers built a 22-point lead in the first half. Utah went on one of those "Hey, let's not totally humiliate ourselves, guys" runs in the third quarter before slowly and rather quietly succumbing to the inevitable 111-96 loss.

The only Jazz starter who finished with a positive plus-minus score was Kyrylo Fesenko (+9). The rest of them were a combined -56. What does that tell you?

Said Williams: "We're a playoff team and they're a championship team. They're just better than we are. ... We all were discouraged. It was kinda deja vu. It's always hard to get down 10, 12 points against this team and try and come back."

Doesn't this kind of remind you of how the Suns used to regard the Spurs? A handful of solid efforts that came up short followed by a depressed and discouraging playoff elimination. Speaking of discouragement, the Jazz seemed became increasingly intimidated by L.A.'s size as the series progressed. By Game 4, all it took was a handful of early blocked shots by the Lakers' bigs to scare Utah out of the paint for what seemed like the rest of the game.

Oh well. Like Lance Armstrong said in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story: "Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life."

Carlos Boozer: This very well might have been Boozer's final game with the Jazz...and it was the kind he'd probably rather forget, no matter how many illegal chemicals and household cleaning agents are required to induce memory loss. Carlos finished with 10 points on 4-for-11 shooting and committed a co-game-high (with Williams) 4 turnovers (the Lakers had six as a team) before fouling out of the game with 3:31 left.

What's worse, his power forward counterpart, Pau Gasol, erupted like a volcano set off by some evil genuis's giant underground drill: 33 points (12-for-18 FGs, 9-for-11 FTs), 14 rebounds, 2 assists and 2 blocked shots. And that wasn't an aberration. Gasol made Boozer look tiny all series long. Not only that, he was regularly outplayed by his backup over these final four games. In Game 4, Paul Milsap scored a co-team-high 21 points (8-for-14) off the bench. Of course, Milsap also had a game-worst plus-minus score of -29. So maybe that's a bad comparison.

As for the future, Carlos doesn't want to talk about it right now: "I'll figure it out later. It's too soon for all that talk. Right now we're disappointed that we lost and our season is over. All the free agent talk, we'll talk about it in July."

Deron William: From Basketbawful reader phelan: "So Lakers advance with a sweet of the Mormom Musicians. Granted, it's the Lakers and everybody knew LA was going to go on, but still, D-Will needs to get into the WotN somehow just for dooming...no, STARBURYING his team when he said he's the best point guard in the league. It's like a stat curse...without needing any stats!"

Indeed, Deron followed in Stephon Marbury's footsteps from Starbury's last trip to the playoffs as a starting point guard: A four-game sweep...although Marbury was broomed by the New Jersey Nyets, which is a little worse. It was after this head-to-head postseason loss to Kidd that Marbury proclaimed his best-point-guard-in-the-NBA-ness.

Following in Starbury's footsteps is never, evera good thing, as this facepalm proves.
Getty Images: I can say with complete sincerity that my life would have been much more complete without ever seeing a picture of Adam Morrison in his underwear. Thanks for the nightmare fuel, Getty Images. Next time, please send a rusty utensil capable of ripping my eyes from their respective sockets.


Things we dismiss as "coincidence": From Basketbawful reader Mike T:

I have always maintained that the J.A. in J.A. Adande stands for "Jack Ass." I must have been really bored at work to even read his Lakers propaganda, but I'm glad I did because I came across this:

"Pau Gasol had 17 rebounds. Artest made 4 of 7 3-pointers. It kept the Lakers right in the game and allowed Bryant and Fisher to go all 'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom' on the Jazz with two killer 3s in the final minute."

He even included a link to the YouTube video of Mola Ram.

I'm amazed that Adande reads Basketbawful (I didn't think he had good taste), but I'm not surprised at all that he stole this from your May 3rd description of Kobe's treatment of Utah.

For the record, here was what I wrote:

As a long-time Jazz fan, I'm not sure how much I have to say about this one. It was like watching a rerun of a television show you hate. Utah fell behind early, the Lakers' bench let them back in, and then Mamba went all Mola Ram on the Jazz.

Like Adande, I provided a YouTube video of Mola Ram ripping out a heart. But I'm sure it's just a crazy random happenstance.

Lacktion report: About the only "good" thing that came out of the Lakers-Jazz game was some lacktion for chris to report on:

Lakers-Jazz: Josh Powell produced a pair of fouls and bricks each in 3:32 for a +4 suck differential that also garnered a 2:0 Voskuhl.

For the Mormon musicians, Kosta Koufos and Othyus Jeffers finished up their concertos with a coda lasting 99 seconds -- Koufos hitting a high note worth 1.65 trillion, and Jeffers bricking once for a +1.

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Carlos Boozer, Deron Williams, Joe Johnson, Los Angeles Lakers, Mike Bibby, Orlando Magic, Stephon Marbury, Utah Jazz

Finally the secret is out.

Here we at Basketbawful thought we were the ones deftly mocking the ignorance and ineptitude of many NBA basketball players. We thought in the grand scheme of things that even though we do not possess the athletic talent to play in the NBA, at the very least we can cling to our higher intellect, our superior ability to analyze and satirize.

Oh, how we have been played.

Now, our worst fears have been realized. It's all part of the endless PR campaign, the relentless effort of those in the public eye to remain relevant and hang on to our attention. Oh, how easily we were lured into the trap.

Who would have thought that such seemingly directionless people like Allen Iverson and Stephon Marbury were so savvy and manipulative?

I'll bet you Tiger Woods isn't even really screwing anyone on the side. God, that's why he's the best.

What suckers we are.

Labels: Allen Iverson, rant, Stephon Marbury, writer

Okay, this is taking man love to a whole new uncomfortable level.

This reminds me of something...

I was going to make a Kobe rape trial joke here, but, eh, too easy.

The Bobcats had the Maytag Repair Man sing the National Anthem. You can't make this stuff up.

Joakim Noah (son of tennis pro Yannick Noah) and John McEnroe. Wow. (h/t Chris)

The Gasol Brothers always have the best facial expressions

Nationally Televised Games:
Rockets at Magic: Vince Carter is now on a 28.6% shooting streak over the past four games. Okay, here's my theory: the even-more-insane Stephon Marbury has convinced Vinsanity to start eating Vaseline like Starbury, and his hands are so slippery afterwards that it makes it hard to shoot. Plausible, right?

All The Other Games:
Raptors at Pistons: Okay, the Raptors have somehow won two straight, but one of those wins was against the Nyets. Speaking of which...

Timberwolves at Nyets: Oh sweet merciful crap, this is a bad, bad game. Kill it with fire! Do I need to say it? Your Basketbawful Game of the Night, everyone!

Jazz at Heat: You know, I can't figure out exactly why, but the Jazz are having trouble winning on the road this year. (Checks Internet) "Sloan's team is 5-8 on the road, averaging 96.5 points. The Jazz average 105.3 at home." Oh. Well, there you go.

Warriors at Hornets: Gol_en State is 3-13 on the road. New Orleans is 10-3 at home. Well, I think we can all see where this game is heading...

Wizards Generals at Bucks: This stat really surprised me. The Bucks are averaging 98.0 points per game, and giving up 97.3 per game. And yet they are only 12-14? That's what happens when your record in games decided by 3 or fewer points is only 2-8.

Ail Blazers at Spurs: Thanks to the Curse of Walton, Portland doesn't have Oden, Vanilla Godzilla Przybilla, or any true centers to protect the rim. If Tim Duncan decides to go off and have a monster night, I won't be the least bit surprised.

Hawks at Nuggets: Poor Denver. George Karl is probably calling and texting Chauncey Billups every five minutes asking if he's feeling ready to play yet.

Thunder at Suns: The last time the Thunder won a game in Phoenix (a 152-149 double OT game in 2006), they were still the Sonics, and Nick Collison is the only player from that roster still with the team.

Crabs at Kings: King Crab versus the Kings! I just like how that fits together. At least it's the most interesting thing about this blowout-in-the-making. And our own Chris will be there!

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Curse of Walton strikes again, Sacramento Kings, Stephon Marbury, Wolves at Nyets is excrutiating

Kanye West takes a break from belittling teenage girls to preview the upcoming NBA season. Bonus: For your VMA consideration, "Flow On" by Cedric Ceballos. Now just try to get it out of your head.

Hot Chicks with Douchebags: The NBA Edition.

The majority owner of the NJ Nets is now Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov. Prokhorov is probably best known for allegedly using prostitutes to entertain clients while head of Norilsk Nickel. Nets season ticket holders need to make note of that.

Proof that the WNBA is the Rodney Dangerfield of professional sports, Case #30726: The LA Sparks playoff games are bumped from their arena in favor of Britney Spears. Case #30726B: The Atlanta Dream are bumped in favor of Sesame Street Live.

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian are getting married. And this is news because, um..Khloe's sister Kim has a big butt and a sex tape? Just kidding! But seriously, Khloe is also famous because, um...

Something to tide you over until Sheed on opening night: The top 10 meltdowns of the last decade. Surprisingly not making the list: Starbury's Justin.tv account.

Starbury finally got around to listening to the Bad Boys 2 Soundtrack. He was not pleased.

Labels: Cedric Ceballos, Lamar Odom, schadenfreude, she married that douche?, Stephon Marbury

Further Reading:

Brendan Haywood Calls Marbury 'Gay'

Now Stephon Marbury Is a Barbie Girl. Great.

Starbury Addresses The Gay Jokes In True Starbury Fashion

Labels: gay, Stephon Marbury

While you are recovering from your Livin' Large hangover, here are a few Bawfulitos that are worth mentioning:

• Remember kids: If you work hard and stay in school, you may someday live next door to the $3 million dollar Los Angeles summer villa owned by one of the worst draft picks in league history. Only because you're his personal gardener.

• The WNBA is making a comeback! Not only is scoring is at an all-time "high", there was an actual dunk sighting during last week's WNBA All Star Game! Also, last year's champs, the Detroit Shock, were invited to The White House, presumably for the unveiling of Barack Obama's "Cash for Boredom" stimulus package.

• Apparently, when an exhibition game between Canada and Italy is described as "friendly", that means there is a very good chance that someone will get punched in the back of the head.

• In a case of epic superdickery, Richard Jefferson broke up with his fiancee just days before their wedding. Via e-mail no less! But this shouldn't come as much of a surprise. Anyone who's followed the Bucks or Nets knows that RJ has been mailing it in for years.

• Blue-chipper Mark Madsen is stuck in the middle of a domain name theft investigation, after paying $111,000 for the stolen domain name P2P.com on Ebay. Some news stories are describing Madsen's involvement as "a good faith purchaser" of the stolen goods. Very similar to how the Timberwolves were "good faith purchasers" of talentless goods back in 2005.

• Starbury has discovered the internets. Things do not go well.

Labels: fights, Kwame Brown, Mark Madsen, Richard Jefferson, Stephon Marbury, WNBA

Everybody and his or her little brother has covered Stephon Marbury's rambling Web stream, so I won't bother to provide additional commentary on his continuing decent into babbling madness. What I will provide, however, is a few of my favorite quotes from World Wide Steph. I invite you to submit your own favorite quotable(s) from his recent Internet rant. I'll collect the best submissions and append them to this post in a special fan section.

"No, I'm not the best player in the NBA. Kobe Bryant is the best player. I don't care about the NBA Those days are over with."

"I'm going to set up a foundation for the world. I'm going to take the money and start building cities all over the world. I'm a comet. My man told me I'm a comet. I said, 'I’m a comet?'"

"My kids are like: Daddy, why are you on the bench? Why ain't daddy in the game?"

"I had to overconversate."

"Where would I want my jersey retired? Boston."

"Chris Paul, he got power and he slither, he slither...he move real silky like a snake."

"I'll be a bum for seven dollars and a blowjob? Hahahahaaha. They tryin to put me in a box! Its impossible!"

"Jeanie Buss, I love her with all my heart. I’d take my heart out and give it to her. That’s how ill she is. I love that lady."

"I love Canada. Ohhhh Can-a-da.... I love that song. I love your anthem. I love hearing it. Its fresh."

"You've gotta thank 'em for a bowel movement. You've gotta thank 'em for a bowel movement."

"Am I jealous of Tracy McGrady and Jason Kidd? Jealous of what?"

"Marbury you suck and won't win a championship? Ok, you still talking about basketball and I'm talking about LIFE."

Labels: I actually love Little Caesars, mmmmm Crazy Bread, quotables, Stephon Marbury

Basketbawful reader Dave R. sent in this steamy pic of Boston's Stephon Marbury and Eddie House, um, celebrating a successful play during Game 5 of the Magic-Celtics series...while Big Baby provides the obligatory high five/fist bump.


Note Eddie's ecstasy and Hedo Turkoglu's agony. Poor Hedo must have felt left out. No matter. Based on this pic sent in by Dan B., Hedo got his -- and then some -- in Game 6. And based on his "That ain't right!" expression, Rashard Lewis apparently didn't appreciate it.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Eddie House, fan submissions, Hedo Turkoglu, man love, Orlando Magic, Rashard Lewis, Stephon Marbury

THE Mario West leaves nothing to chance for lacktivity-- and is rewarded with a trip to the second round!
With the opening act of the 2009 NBA Playoffs complete, here's a brief rundown of the top non-performers in the Association after these initial-round series have completed. And yes, for lacktion enthusiasts (read: AnacondaHL), I have compiled these critical metrics in EXCEL FORMAT for you to digest!

42 total lacktators in the first round, here's the top five in total duration:
1. Nicholas Batum (Blazers) - 16:03 (in games 3 and 5)
2. Tony Allen (Celtics) - 11:34 (in games 1, 2, and 4)
3. Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson (Cavs) - 9:45 (in games 1, 2, and 4)
4. Eddie House (Celtics) - 9:39 (in game 5)
5. Stephon Marbury (Celtics) - 7:58 (in game 6)

Three-time lacktators:
- Tony Allen (Celtics)
- Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson (Cavs)
- Chucky Hayes (Rockets) (7:47 in games 1, 4, and 6)

Atlanta leads all teams with most lacktators, Mike Woodson having sent out EIGHT different potential human victory cigars! (Speedy Claxton, Othello Hunter, Mario West, Solomon Jones, Acie Law, Randolph Morris, Thomas Gardner, Marvin Williams)

31 players have racked up a suck differential...
Largest single-game SD score: Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson (Cavs) (+5 in 6:20), Game 2
Largest combined SD score: Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson (Cavs) (+7)

12 trillionares so far in the postseason
Richest man in the playoffs: George Hill (Spurs) (4.95 trillion)
Most prolific venture capitalist: Chucky Hayes (Rockets) (3.35 trillion in game 1, 1.5 trillion in Game 6)

16 ballers have floored it in a Mario Kart free-for-all derby, with three instances of Mario Brothers but no Super Mario Brothers yet...
Super Marios: Othello Hunter (Hawks) (6 seconds in Game 1), Tony Allen (Celtics) (4 seconds in Game 2), and James Singleton (Mavs) (9 seconds in Game 4)
Two-time Power Glove wearers: Ryan Hollins (Mavs) (games 1 and 5), James Singleton (Mavs) (games 1 and 4), Lindsey Hunter (Bulls) (game 4 and 5)

...oh and yes, THE Mario West stomped on a Koopa shell in Game 2, living up to his namesake.

14 big men bawfully honored the least terrifying mesolithic center of our age...
Worst Voskuhl ratios:
Kwame "#1 Overall" Brown (Pistons) - 7:3 in 18:38, game 2
Matt Bonner (Spurs) - 5:1 in 21:55, game 4
Hilton Armstrong (Hornets) - 7:3 in 12:00, game 4
Most Voskuhls: Jamaal Magloire (Heat) with three (games 2, 4, and 7); four other players each had two - Ryan Hollins (Mavs), Matt Bonner (Spurs), Andrew Bynum (Lakers) and Randolph Morris (Heat)

About the author: Chris is a Sacramento resident and Bay Area native who is surrounded by all forms of bawful, from The Oracle to Arco Arena (or whatever barn the Maloofs can milk the most profit from in the near future). After all, when you live in a town in which an ex-trillionare champion (John Salmons) is the home team's starter, is there much to be expected on the positive front? No. So Chris has made it his goal to become the Bill James or Hubie Brown of lacktivity, seeing how abundant it has become in Northern California. Outside of his life as a lacktion statistician, he follows a random collection of other sports (auto racing, ice hockey, snooker, boxing)...

Labels: lacktion report, Mario West, NBA playoffs, Stephon Marbury

An inescapable (but intensely annoying) part of NBA coverage is the burning need many media outlets have to foretell...THE FUTURE. Every season, the world's leading guess-ologists fearlessly tell us who's going to be named MVP, which team is going to win the most games, who's going to the NBA Finals, etc. And these amazing hypotheses usually end up being only slightly less accurate than your average weather forecast. Where's Miss Cleo when you need her?

In that vein, Basketbawful reader Spencer nominated this 1999 article -- Phil Taylor's The Starting Over 5 -- for, in retrospect, making the worst prediction ever. In this stirring tribute to getting it wrong, Taylor named the five-man unit that was going to win back fans during the brutal post-Jordan/post-lockout era: Jayson Williams, Stephon Marbury, Keith Van Horn, Bo Outlaw and Ray Allen.

Of this Fab Five, Taylor said: "Together they embody all the qualities that can make the NBA likable again: charisma, passion, lightheartedness, humility, attitude, athleticism and, yes, an appeal to desirable demographic groups. If you were choosing an All-Star team, this would not be the starting five, but for a league looking for a new beginning, these players are perfect."

So, uh, how'd that turn out? Williams killed his limo driver and tried to cover it up. Marbury eschewed the "humility" Taylor spoke of to become the biggest locker room cancer in league history. Van Horn failed to live up to his Great White Hope hype and the final act of his career was having his corpse used as an add-on in the trade that sent Jason Kidd to Dallas. Outlaw somehow hung on to play 914 games in The Association, averaging a very quiet 5.4 points and 4.9 rebounds per game (although he did once notch a triple-double, and when asked about it he famously replied: "Triple-Double? What’s that, some kind of hamburger?") As for Allen, sure, he's been part of this Celtics' rejuvenation, but I'd be willing to bet Larry Bird's three championship rings that there isn't an NBA fan alive who would claim that Ray kept them from giving up on the league. (Unless Ray calls them "mom and dad.")

Can you think of any other predictions that, in retrospect, were that far off the mark? Leave your nomination(s) in the comments section and I'll assemble a top ten list.

Update! More from Wild Yams: Some additions to that Fab Five: Van Horn ended his career by quitting for no reason, deciding to just stop playing in the middle of a contract despite being in the "prime" of his career and being completely healthy. While some might say it's honorable to want to spend time with your family rather than play basketball, it's not exactly helping the NBA and the perception that NBA players are spoiled or whiny. After all, most people can't relate to someone giving up $5 million for one season (not to mention whatever he would have made in years after that) simply because the prospect of being a guy who mostly rides the bench seemed like too much work. Lord knows there's plenty of great family men who have suffered through the horrors of being an NBA player and survived to talk about it.

Ray Allen became the first player to publicly say that there may be an NBA conspiracy and that he felt his Bucks team was eliminated from the playoffs because the league didn't want such a small market team on TV in the playoffs. Whether this was true or not is for you to decide, but doing so didn't exactly help "make the NBA likable again" in the wake of Jordan's retirement.

Labels: Bo Outlaw, fan submissions, Jayson Williams, Keith Van Horn, predictions gone horribly wrong, Stephon Marbury, Worst Evers

Since ESPN is doing that whole Mount Rushmore of Sports thing, Evil Ted and I decided there needed to be a Mount Rushmore of Basketbawful. After nearly seven seconds (or less) of furious non-debate, we chose the faces and ET Photoshopped the graphic. All hail.

Update! Hey. What's that...up in the clouds... (thanks Tonewise.)


Editor's note: I really, really wish the real Mount Rushmore had five heads so that we could have included Antoine Walker. In fact, based on extra cogitation and reader suggestions, additional Basketbawful Rushmorians could include (but not be limited to): Bill Laimbeer, Clay Bennet, the Clippers logo, Darko Milicic, Dennis Rodman, Duncan face, Eddy Curry, Joey Crawford, John Hollinger, Lamar Odom, Latrell Spreewell, Mario West, Ron Artest, Steve Francis, Tracy McGrady and Vince Carter. Am I missing anybody?

Labels: ESPN, Greg Ostertag, Isiah Thomas, Kobe Bryant, Mount Rushmore, Stephon Marbury

Stephon Marbury -- last season's runaway winner of my Least Valuable Player award -- has stunned the world by announcing that his "marriage" with the New York Knicks is over. Yeah. That's like walking in on your father banging the maid on your mother's corpse and then having him calmly explain that daddy and mommy won't be living together anymore: You probably had that one figured out already.

Here's some of the choice quotage from Starbury's exclusive interview with the New York Post. Better sit down with a big box of Kleenex. This one's a tear-jerker of epic proportions.

"I sat there for three weeks and didn't say one word. I didn't hear one of my teammates say, 'Why isn't Stephon Marbury playing? This is a good system for him, even to play with the second unit and bring more firepower.'

"When things got bad and then worse, guys like Quentin Richardson say, 'I don't consider him a teammate. He let his teammates out to dry.' He didn't care I was his teammate when I was banished. They left me out for dead. It's like we're in a foxhole and I'm facing the other way. If I got shot in the head, at least you want to get shot by the enemy. I got shot in the head by my own guys in my foxhole. And they didn't even give me an honorable death.

"Mike [D'Antoni] had no intentions of me playing basketball here. He gave me straight disrespect. It was beyond disrespect. He put in (Danilo) Gallinari, whose back is messed up and (who) didn't participate at all in training camp ahead of me (in the season opener). That's saying, 'I'm letting you have it right now.' He was sticking it to me. He knew I was in my contract year and did everything they asked me to do. He's not trying to help me. He's trying to hurt me."

Ah. Only Stephon Marbury could invoke "shot in the head by my own guys" imagery only days after New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg at a nightclub. And if history has taught us anything, it's that Starbury should keep his mouth shut during any and all NFL-related controversies. As well as every day of the week that ends in "day."

The Knicks, obviously, need to just buy out Marbury's contract and be done with the whole mess. And fast. After all, according to Google research scientists, we've almost depleted the Internet's once vast resource of angry Stephon Marbury images. Of course, Donnie Walsh has stated over and over that he's opposed to buyouts...but the reality is he's just trying to force Marbury to accept less than the $20 million he's owed. Think it's working? Said Marbury: "They want to take my money. I'm not going to let them." Translation: Hell no, it's not working.

But hey: LeBron in 2010!! Okay. Has everybody forgotten about Marbury yet?

Labels: crazy people, Donnie Walsh, Mike D'Antoni, mucho crazy, New York Knicks, Stephon Marbury

Dunning-Kruger effect (dun'-eng kroo'-guhr e-fekt') noun. The phenomenon wherein people who have little knowledge or skill tend to think they know more or have more skill than they do, while simultaneously overlooking or underestimating the knowledge and skills of others.

Usage example: There's this guy in my pickup league who couldn't hit a shot if a genie gave him three wishes and he used all three to do it...but he always chucks it up without conscience. He must be suffering from Dunning-Kruger effect.

Word history: The term is based on a series experiments performed by Justin Kruger and David Dunning, both of Cornell University, the results of which were published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in December 1999. Here's an explanation from the abstract:

People tend to hold overly favorable views of their abilities in many social and intellectual domains. The authors suggest that this overestimation occurs, in part, because people who are unskilled in these domains suffer a dual burden: Not only do these people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it. Across four studies, The authors found that participants scoring in the bottom quartile on tests of humor, grammar, and logic grossly overestimated their test performance and ability. Although their test scores put them in the 12th percentile, they estimated themselves to be in the 62nd. Several analyses linked this miscalibration to deficits in metacognitive skill, or the capacity to distinguish accuracy from error.

Incompetent individuals will be less able than their more competent peers to gain insight into their true level of performance by means of social comparison information. In particular, because of their difficulty recognizing competence in others, incompetent individuals will be unable to use information about the choices and performances of others to form more accurate impressions of their own ability.

I know. There were a lot of big words in there, so let me break that down for you: Most people think they're better than they really are, but they're too stupid to realize it. And that same stupidity makes it difficult (and sometimes impossible) for them to recognize skills and competence in the non-stupids, which perpetuates their cycle of idiocy and megalomania.

Boy, that explains a lot, doesn't it? You see this in every area of life, including basketball. Pickup leagues are filled with suffering from the Dunning-Kruger effect. You know, the guys who insist on shooting the ball without regard to how pitifully low their success rate is. There's this one guy I've played with for years, and to my knowledge he's never hit a three-pointer, and yet he fires up two or three of them a night. I've always wondered why those people never "get it"...and now I know.

This condition is not limited to amateur athletes, of course. The NBA if chock full of players who are trapped in the strangling nets of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Take Stephon Marbury, who once said: "Don't get me wrong, I love Jason Kidd, he is a great point guard. (But) how am I comparing myself to him when I think I'm the best point guard to play basketball? That makes no sense. I can't compare myself to somebody when I already think I'm the best. I'm telling you what it is. I know I'm the best point guard in the NBA" Starbury said this during the period of his career when, as Statbuster once put it, he was always good for 20 points, 10 assists and 50 losses.

Then there's Paul Pierce, who this summer was asked if Kobe Bryant -- the reigning MVP of the league -- was the best player in the world. Paul, fresh off an NBA championship and Finals MVP award, responded as follows: "I don't think Kobe is the best player. I'm the best player. There's a line that separates having confidence and being conceited. I don't cross that line but I have a lot of confidence in myself."

Paul took a beating in the media and across the blogosphere for that comment. But he didn't retract it or try to claim he was misquoted or that his words were taken out of context. He emphatically underscored his original statement when he said: "That's what I said. I am a confident player and a lot of people might look at it like 'Oh, another cocky attitude,' but I don't look at it that way. I have an opinion, I have a right to have one and that’s the way I feel. I felt I’ve played against the best over the years and felt right now that I'm the best player in the world."

With all due respect to Paul, because he is a fantastic and versatile player, he's not the best in the world. By, like, quite a bit (although probably not as much as some of his critics would claim). Now, the typical justification given for statements like this is that professional athletes need to be confident, lest they be chewed up and spit out by a system in which only the strong -- both physically and mentally -- survive. But isn't a certain amount of self-awareness also important? Especially as skills diminish and circumstances change.

Take Shaq for example. Based on some of the things he said last year, he thinks he's just as good as he ever was. Such as when, at the beginning of the season, The Big Geritol claimed he was going to return to his old dominating ways. "As a tamed tiger now, you always go back to what you know, a la Siegfried and Roy. I've been tame the last couple years, but here’s a chance for me to go wild again." Of course, the new version of Shaq "going wild" featured him nearly fouling out of every game he played before going down with a bum hip. Shaq's inability to recognize his diminishing skills hurt his team. The same thing happened when Michael Jordan was playing for the Wizards.

Anyway, now that I'm aware of it, I'm going to be on the lookout for ongoing examples of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

Synonyms: Lake Wobegon effect, Optimism bias.

[Many thanks to AnacondaHL for bringing this disorder to my attention.]

Labels: Paul Pierce, pickup basketball, Shaq, Stephon Marbury, Word of the Day

With all the press that Stephon Marbury's new head tattoo is getting, I thought it was a good time to remind the world about the mad ink that Greg Ostertag used to (and, presumably, still does) sport:


According to Greg's NBA.com bio, the tat represents "Fred Flintstone dunking." Which would be a pretty good description if the person responsible for it had just arrived on planet Earth the previous day and had no idea what a "dunk" was.

Note: Unfortunately, I can't remember who sent this to me. If you remind me, I will give you all due credit. Also, I believe somebody compared Greg's "dunking" caveman to Luke Walton's gay stick figures. Which, for your information, represents him and his brothers playing basketball.

Labels: Greg Ostertag, Idiot, Luke Walton, Stephon Marbury, tattoos

My latest article for Deadspin allows you, the fans, to choose this NBA season's Least Valuable Player. The candidates include Antoine Walker, Jason Kidd, Raef LaFrentz, Shaq (the Miami Heat version), Stephon Marbury, the Phoenix Suns bench, and a bunch of other guys who really suck ass.

What are you waiting for?! Go vote!

Labels: Antoine Walker, Jason Kidd, Least Valuable Player, Phoenix Suns, Raef LaFrentz, Shaq, Stephon Marbury

Kobe Bryant took a page out of Tracy McGrady's book and is using his injured pinky to avoid playing in the All Star Game. That sound you hear is Magic Johnson shaking his head in pity. After all, he played in the All Star Game while terminally ill.

Gregg Popovich is still salty and bitter over the Pau Gasol freebie. Popob*tch says there should be a trade committee that could squash blatantly lopsided trades. I wonder what this committee would have said about the Spurs trading Luis Scola for Sylar from Heroes. Minus the ability to cut open skulls with his mind.

Who would've guessed that referee Bob Delaney was a complete badass?

David Stern shot down Dwight Howard's proposal to raise the rim to 12-feet for this weekend's Slam Dunk Contest. Still no word on Big Head Mode or whether three consecutive buckets will cause a player to burst into flames.

Stephon Marbury will miss the rest of the season with season-ending ankle surgery. The Knicks are 15 and 37. I wouldn't say he'll be missing it, Bob.

Latrell Sprewell is flat broke. I guess he really did have a family to feed.

A commercial for WNBA Live 2008. It's as awesome as it sounds.

Labels: dunks, Dwight Howard, gratuitous video game references, Gregg Popovich, Kobe Bryant, Latrell Sprewell, referees, Stephon Marbury, WNBA

"Got your nose!!
Larry Hughes: The Cavs dropped a 117-116 overtime decision to the Magic, despite a virtuoso 39/14/15 performance from Lebron James. Cleveland might have pulled this one out if Hughes hadn't shot a pathetic 2-12 from the field. This guy is making $12 million this season. Shouldn't he be able to make a jumpshot too?

Andrea Bargnani: The Raptors' former number one overall draft pick scored 2 points on 1-11 shooting, as Utah edged Toronto 92-88. What's amazing is that Bargnani managed to suck that badly in only 15 minutes of action. When you average almost one missed shot per minute, well, that's not good. The kid was so far off last night that he probably missed the bench after Sam Mitchell yanked him out of the game. Meanwhile, Andre Kirilenko hit only one of six shots, but he had a team-high 11 assists. The Russian Rifle is now averaging 11 PPG, 7 RPG, 7 APG, 2.5 BPG, and almost 2 SPG. Looks like Sloan's compliments are working.

Indiana Pacers: The Pacers suffered their fifth straight loss after getting blown out by an equally awful Wizards team. You know what's wrong with the Pacers? Jermaine O'Neal. I'm completely serious. The Pacers started out the season on fire. Everybody was involved in the offense, cutting without the ball, passing, getting high percentage shots. It's no coincidence that O'Neal missed the first game and played a reduced role in the next couple. Now that he's back to getting big minutes and lots of shots, the team's offensive production has dropped. You know why? Because when the ball goes to him in the low post, it doesn't come back out, and then you have four other guys just standing around and watching him. I guess that would be okay if he hit a high percentage of his shots, but he's shooting 38 percent from the field! So sure, he may end up with All-Star, or close to All-Star numbers, but he's killing the rest of the team.

Emeka Okafor: Mr. Chukwuemeka Noubuisi Okafor showed the world last night why he turned down the Bobcats' generous $55 million contract extension offer, scoring 6 points (3-9) and grabbing 8 rebounds. It seems that Okafor wants Dwight Howard money (five years, $85 million) despite the fact that he doesn't put up Dwight Howard numbers or put in Dwight Howard time; Okafor's only played 93 (out of a possible 164) games the last two seasons.

Vince Carter: Hmm, guess who was missing from the Celtics/Nets game last night? That's right, it was Vince "I just signed a huge contract extension so I'm going to stop caring" Carter. Yes, I know he was technically out with a sprained ankle, but he wasn't exactly lighting it up in the six games he did play: 17 PPG (on 39 percent shooting), 5 RPG, 4 APG. That's a pretty steep dropoff from last year's 25/6/5 (and 45 percent shooting). Can you say Contract Year Phenomenon? And is anyone the least bit surprised?

Miami Heat: Wow. Not even trash talk from Pat Riley and the return of Dwyane Wade could alter the Heat's trance-like play. Riley threatened to suit up and play after the previous night's defeat, and he went off again after the team's 104-95 loss to the Sonics: "Unless you feel like you have something at stake or something to lose as a player, then things won't change. If you don't feel like the Heat mean something to you...you have to have a real meeting with yourself about what you care about. I don't see a team that really feels like they have anything at stake here. They come in, they play, they get beat, they go home, they go out into the night." Way to toss your team to the wolves there, Pat. I'm sure they'll want to give you their best effort next time. Meanwhile, Smuch Parker, the team's big offseason pickup, hit zero of his four shots and is shooting 28 percent for the season.

Hornets / Sixers: Exhibit B in the case of "The NBA season is too damn long and has too many meaningless games."

Tracy McGrady: Well, T-Mac has officially suffered his first semi-serious injury of the season (strained right elbow). We all knew it was going to happen, we just didn't know when. Without their closer, the Rockets lost 93-90 to the Lakers. I feel bad for McGrady, but at least I feel better about advising my friend not to trade Duncan for McGrady in his fantasy league.

Phil Jackson: You know, I assumed that, after last season's "Tim Hardaway hates gay people" controversy, somebody as intelligent as Phil Jackson would know better than to make a gay joke during a postgame press conference. Well, I was wrong. Jackson has subsequently apologized to "any horses, Texans, cowboys or guys" that he might have offended, and I'm sure he was positively dripping with sincerity when he said that.

New York Knicks: The team fell to 2-5 after an 84-81 loss to the Clippers. On the bright side, they probably would have lost by more if Stephon Marbury had actually shown up and played. Wait...what? He did play? And everything's just fine between he and Isiah now? Are you kidding me? I can't believe this circus is still going on, and on, and on...

Golden State Warriors: Last year's feel-good team is this year's feel-awful team: 0-6 and about to embark on a five-game Eastern Conference road trip. The only good news for the Warriors is that their road trip includes games against the Knicks, Wizards, and 76ers. Do you think this team misses Jason Richardson? And Stephen Jackson? And a Don Nelson that actually gives a crap? I other news, has this team even played defense yet this season? They're giving up 118 PPG on 51 percent shooting, 46 from three-point range. They're also giving up 30 FT attempts per game, and their opponents are averaging 28 assists. They're getting outscored by 11 PPG and getting outrebounded by 10 RPG. That's it, I'm taking the "D" out of their name and giving it back to the Nuggets. From now on, these guys are the Golen State Warriors.

Labels: Andrea Bargnani, Emeka Okafor, Golden State Warriors, Indiana Pacers, Lebron James Larry Hughes, Miami Heat, New York Knicks, Phil Jackson, Stephon Marbury, Tracy McGrady, Vince Carter

Kevin Durant: Hey, have we mentioned this kid is long yet? Well, he is. Like, really long. Unfortunately, "impressive length" does not necessarily equate to "good shooting percentage." Or even "mediocre shooting percentage." Or hell, even "bad but improving shooting percentage." Durant had the worst game of his rookie season last night, scoring 10 points (4-13), grabbing a single, lonely rebound, dishing out zero assists, and committing 4 turnovers. Through eight games, he's shooting an Adam Morrison-like 38 percent from the field. That's your 2007-08 Rookie of the Year, folks! Rashard Lewis was obviously inspired by his matchup with the hotshot rookie who replaced him, scoring 22 points on 9-15 shooting -- including 4-8 from downtown -- and almost matching his season high by grabbing 6 rebounds.

Jamaal Tinsley: By the numbers, Tinsley had an above average game -- 14 points (5-12), 4 rebounds, and 8 assists. But late in the second quarter, with the game tied at 38, Tinsley jammed a stick into the hornets nest by committing a hard foul on Paul Pierce. The Truth then dropped 13 points on the Pacers in about three minutes, en route to a 31 point, 11 rebound, 6 assist performance. Needless to say, the Celtics won in another blowout, 101-86.

Doc Rivers: The Celtics average margin of victory this season is 16 points. They've only played in one game that wasn't a blowout. Yet Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen are all playing around 40 minutes a game. What?! The same thing happened in last night's blowout of the Pacers: Pierce played 41, Allen played 40, and Garnett played 39. This is not a good thing for the Celtics, and if it continues, it's going to haunt them in the playoffs. More on this to come.

The Miami Heat: Just when you think they've finally hit rock bottom, the Heat find new and inventive ways to suck. Last night, they got blown out by the Bobcats, 91-76 -- and Miami had to outscore Charlotte 29-20 in the fourth quarter just to get that close. Did these guys really win the 2006 NBA title? There were plenty of culprits: Penny Hardaway scored zero points in 19 minutes of action, Ricky Davis and Jason Williams combined to shoot 5-21, and Smush Parker was just there. Shaq, on the other hand, had one of his best games of the season: 17 points (7-14), 6 rebounds, zero assists. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Edit: How bad have things gotten for the Heat? Pat Riley not only thinks he could do better than most of his players, he's saying it out loud. To the press. "I guarantee you I should suit up," Riley said. "I'd play better than some of them right now. I guarantee it. I swear to God. With an old hip and 62 years old and I can't see, I'll play better than some of my guys tonight. Come on, they were pretty bad."

Rick Adelman: The Houston Rockets suffered a tough 105-99 road loss to the Memphis Grizzlies. Yao Ming scored 22 points on 7-12 shooting. Mike James scored 10 points on 4-12 shooting. Yao is shooting 55 percent on the season. James is shooting 34 percent. So why in the name of Lincoln's Wart is Mike James getting as many shots as Yao Ming? Shame on you, Rick Adelman.

Tim Duncan: Earlier this week, I gave a friend what I thought was solid fantasy league advice: Do not trade Tim Duncan for Tracy McGrady. So of course McGrady immediately goes off for 41 points (16-28), 4 rebounds, 4 assists, 1 turnover, and 2 steals on the same night Duncan was sucking his way to 5 points (2-13), 5 rebounds, 4 assists, 4 turnovers, and 3 blocks. Thanks for making me look like an idiot, Tim. On the bright side, the Spurs blew out the Lakers 107-92 despite Duncan's crappy night, and Kobe was held to 18 points on 9-19 shooting. I might have screwed over a friend, but the Lakers lost and looked bad doing it. So, you know, everything worked out for the best. Random Tony Parker Note: TP had a season-high 9 assists last night. He averaged 5.5 APG last season -- which was "good" for 13th in the league behind Earl Watson -- and he had only five games in which he dished out 10 or more assists. Look, maybe I'm just nitpicking here, because Tony's a two-time All-Star and last season's (gak) Finals MVP, but his mediocre playmaking skills just bug me.

Dallas / Philidelphia: It's games like this that serve as Exhibit A in the case of "The NBA season is too damn long and includes too many meaningless games."

Starbury / Isiah / Knicks: Stephon Marbury bailed on his team right before a big road game against the Suns, supposedly because Isiah Thomas was going to yank him from the starting lineup in favor of second-year gaurd Mardy Collins. Starbury blew up on the team plane and reportedly said, "Isiah has to start me. I've got so much (stuff) on Isiah and he knows it. He thinks he can (get) me. But I'll (get) him first. You have no idea what I know." Thomas of course shed absolutely no light on the subject by saying, "That is an in-house matter and we will continue to keep it in-house. Make no mistake about it - we do want him as a member of this basketball team. He is welcomed back." In the midst of all this dysfunction, the Knicks lost to the Suns 113-102 despite the fact that Steve Nash scored a season-low 5 points on 2-6 shooting. How does Isiah still have a job with the Knicks? No, seriously, how?

Detroit Pistons: Somebody forgot to show the Trailblazers that memo explaining that their season was over before it began because of the Greg Oden injury. Portland's offense took a huge, steaming dump all over Detroit's defense (if you could even call it that): The Blazers shot 55 percent as a team, thanks to scorching performances from LaMarcus Aldridge (9-16), Brandon Roy (9-16), Jarret Jack (7-10), and our boy Joel Przybilla (3-3). Look, kudos to the Blazers. They played great, and I am very excited about this team. But talented, veteran teams like the Pistons should never let an opposing team shoot 55 percent against them. That's the kind of loss of focus that got them booted out of the playoffs the last couple years.

Labels: Detroit Pistons, Isiah Thomas, Jamaal Tinsley, Kevin Durant, Miami Heat, New York Knicks, Rick Adelman, Stephon Marbury, Tim Duncan, Worst of the Night

If there was going to be an NBA player crazy enough to come out in support of Michael Vick, wouldn't you just figure it'd be Stephon Marbury? And Starbury did just that in an interview that was recently aired by Capital News 9 in Albany.

"We don't say anything about people shooting deers and shooting other animals, you know what I mean? From what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It's just behind closed doors and I think it's tough that we build Michael Vick up and then we break him down. I think he's one of the superb athletes and he's a good human being. I think he fell into a bad situation."

First off, there are plenty of people who regularly speak out against the hunting of deer and other animals. Just ask PETA, Furries Against Hunting, the European Federation Against Hunting, the League Against Cruel Sports, the Humane Society, et al. But beyond that, at least hunting serves a practical purpose. Hunting is used to control populations of some species that might otherwise exceed the carrying capacity of their habitat and threaten the well-being of other wildlife species, and in some instances, that of human health and safety. Hunting also reduces the annual crop of new animals and birds to allow the remaining animals sufficient food and shelter to survive. Personally, I'm against it, but I still have to concede that there are tangible, proven benefits to federally regulated and sanctioned hunting.

And let's get away from what's "legal" and "illegal." Our American society has decided that certain animals are acceptable to kill for food, sport, etc. If 'lo those many years ago -- as we were forming our societal opinions about what is palatable -- we had put dogs on that short list, we'd be killing them too. This isn't about killing anything. Fight dogs are regularly tortured to make them more vicious. Dog fights are brutal displays of bloody combat between animals that have no free will and could just as easily, with proper treatment, be docile. Anyone who can watch even a short video clip of a dog fight without wincing is a sociopath, and anyone who can actually enjoy one of the these "contests" is a psychopath.

There is no excuse for Michael Vick. Even if he did not directly participate in this so-called sport, he allowed it, and that is no less heinous. Vick has pleaded guilty. As a result, the details of his behavior will likely remain a secret. We can assume, however, these details to be grisly and abhorrent. Sorry, Michael. You have lost the "benefit of the doubt."

What benefits are there to pitting animals against each other in savage gladiatorial combat? None that I can see. Of course, the big justification that's getting bandied about now is that there's a "dogfighting subculture." This group, comprised mostly of family members and close friends, supposedly derives personal and even spiritual satisfaction from breeding dogs against their will, training them to fight and kill each other, and then watching them go out and do it. This process includes beating, electrocuting, drowning, hanging, and shooting said dogs. Well, that's just great.

Guess what? I don't care if Michael Vick grew up around dogfighting. I don't care how many of his buddies are dogfighting enthusiasts. Hell, I don't care if his dad used to take him on father/son dogfighting trips when he was a teeny tot. He's an adult now. It's a cliche, but he knows the difference between right and wrong. Hey, I grew up in a rough neighborhood where fighting and substance abuse was the norm. By the time I was 11, many of my friends were already experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and some of them became hard core users. So now what, I have an excuse to become an alcoholic? To abuse drugs?

Look, Vick didn't "fall into a bad situation." Establishing and financing an organized dogfighting ring is not a situation you "fall into." Conscious decisions, and many of them, were made. And he's not a "good human being" either. He might give money to charity, read to underprivileged kids, and help little old ladies across the street, but good human beings don't do the kinds of things he's now admitted to doing. You always hear stories about how some murderers and serial killers seemed like nice, normal guys. They attended PTA meetings, took care of their elderly relatives, and supported their local youth organizations. They also tortured people and wore human flesh in their spare time. I don't hear anybody claiming those guys were good guys despite their choice of "behind closed doors" sports.

I understand that life isn't black and white. There are plenty of shades of grey in plenty of different circumstances. But there are also lines that, once they're crossed, you don't get to just hop back over without consequences. And I'm not just talking about lost salary and jail time. I'm talking about the staining of one's character. Which is not to say that Vick can't turn things around and become a decent human being again. He can experience genuine remorse and take responsibility for what he's done. He can atone for his misdeeds. Nothing is static, and he has the rest of his life to improve the quality of his character. But right now, are his actions in any way justified? Is he a good person? No.

Labels: dogfighting, hunting, Michael Vick, Stephon Marbury