That's right. Chris Kaman is sandwiched between four FrailBlazers...and not one of them is playing any damn defense.
The Atlanta Hawks: After last night's loss to the Heat in Miami, Atlanta's Mike Bibby said: "If we would've put a little more effort in, it would have been a different story."

A "little more effort," Mike? Really? Because this latest defeat -- the Hawks' fourth in a row -- looked kind of blowout-y to me. After all, your team lost by 17 points and while being held to season lows in points (75) and field-goal percentage (35.2). Joe Johnson (11 points, 4-for-15) was your only starter to score in double figures. That group -- which included you, Mr. Bibby -- shot 16-for-46 and had almost as many turnovers (6) as assists (8). And Mr. Bibby, despite being Atlanta's starting PG, you were out-assisted 0-1 by Miami's backup center Jamaal Magloire. Oh, and you guys got crushed on the boards too (52-30).

It's safe to say your coach doesn't quite share your optimistic appraisal. Said Mike Woodson: "Unacceptable, how we played tonight."

Newsflash: the Hawks are 2-6 since December 19. And this is the team's first four-game skid since, well, January of last season. Dismissed as coincidence.

Said Al Horford: "It happens. That's the way the season is. There are highs and lows. Right now, this is our low."

He's not wrong.

The Utah Jazz: What a Jekyll and Hyde team. The Jazz had beaten the Hornets six straight times in Utah -- all double-digit wins, by the way -- before last night's 91-87 loss. It looked like that trend might continue when the Musicians outscored the Buzzers 32-24 in the first quarter. However, the tide turned in the third when New Orleans outscored Utah 25-11, and the Jazz had their fourth-quarter rally stolen (literally) by Chris Paul, who pilfered a pass and drove in for the game-clinching layup with 27 seconds left.

That's three straight losses for the Jazz, who have lost five of six overall. Conversely, it was just the third road win for the Hornets this season and their first in Utah in almost four years (not to mention CP3's third win over Deron Williams in 14 career head-to-head matchups).

Devin Brown -- who laced his shoes for the Jazz back in 2005-06 -- had a classic revenge game by scoring a career-high 30 points on 11-for-20 shooting (including 5-for-8 from downtown).

Deron Williams: Remember that CP3 steal that led to his game-clinching layup? Go up three paragraphs if you don't. Anyway, that play came courtesy of a sloppy pass (intended for Andre Kirilenko) from Williams. Said Deron: ""He made a great anticipation. I should have thrown it up to Andrei high. He's a lot taller than Chris. It was a bad pass by me."

Indeed it was. And it killed what should have been a great night for Williams. Not only did he outscore (17 to 12), outshoot (6-for-11 to 5-for-15) and out-assist (11 to 9) Chris Paul, he passed the 3,000-assist mark for his career. (Only about 12,800 assists behind John Stockton!)

The Portland Trail Blazers: You think the Frail Blazers are looking a little thin in the frontcourt? They were dominated by the killer combo of Chris Kaman (20 points, 9-for-13, 8 rebounds, 4 assists) and Marcus Camby (9 points, 15 rebounds, 6 assists, 3 steals, 3 blocked shots) as the Clippers outscored them 44-32 in the painted rectangle. It was such an overpowering performance -- yes, I'm still talking about the Clippers -- that The Other L.A. Team won by 10 despite giving up 20 points off 20 turnovers.

The Clips also put the clamps on Brandon Roy (6 points, 3-for-12). Mind you, Roy had scored 20+ points for 15 straight games before running into the steel trap of the Clippers' defense.

Actually, defense was a problem for the Blazers...only it was their defense, and not the Clippers, that brought about their doom. The Other L.A. Team shot a ball-busting 58 percent from the field and over 61 percent from beyond the arc (8-for-13). Seriously, guys, can we get some hands for these faces or what? I know they're the Clippers and everything, but you still have to defend them.

Said Portland coach Nate McMillan: "We made it an offensive game, and we didn't establish that we could stop that team. So they got what they wanted and controlled the majority of the game." Later, McMillan added: "I think the whole league feels that if that team is healthy and together, they are a serious threat in the West."

Technically speaking, that's true. Only nobody in the league is all that worried about your team getting healthy, Nate.

Update! Chris Kaman: Yes, he put a hurtin' on the Blazers...but he also had a starring role in the 36-year-old Juwan Howard's first poster in, what, 10 years? Thanks to Drew for the link.


The Chicago Bulls: Vinny Del Negro "earned" a little short-term job security by "coaching" his team to a four-game winning streak. Too bad for Vinny that streak ended last night, as the Oklahoma City Thunder owned the second half against his Bullies, outscoring them 51-33 in the final 24 minutes. And let me tell you, it was a real defensive bitch-slapping. Here's part of what I said about it at By The Horns:

What many people may not yet realize about this young Thunder squad is that they have become a top-notch defensive unit. Seriously. They rank 9th in Forced Turnovers Per Game (15.3), 8th in Defensive Efficiency (101.3 Points Allowed Per 100 Possessions), and 4th in Blocked Shots Per Game (6.0). Moreover, their opponents convert only 59 percent of their shots at the rim. That’s the 9th best mark in the league, which is especially impressive since their opponents attempt the fourth-most shots at the rim per game (29.4).

I bring all this up because the Thunder won last night by shutting the Bulls down in the second half, holding them to only 33 points in the final 24 minutes. The key was the third quarter, when Oklahoma City outscored Chicago 32-14. And they did that by protecting the rim. Like, with a vengeance. The Bulls were getting into the paint at will, but they could not convert. Chicago missed an astonishing 13 layups and tip shots in that third quarter alone, five of which were blocked.

For the game, the Bulls missed an astounding 29 of 53 shots at the rim. The Thunder basically built a brick wall around the basket. And the Bulls ran face-first into it.

Of course, it might have helped if Chicago's bench had contributed, well, anything at all. Instead, they shot 5-for-27 from the field. For those of you who enjoy simple math, that's 18 percent accuracy (or, if you prefer, 82 percent inaccuracy). Speaking of the Bulls' bench...

Tyrus Thomas: T-Time had been playing great in the four games since he'd returned from forearm surgery...but that ended last night as Tyrus "Jump Shot" Thomas made his not-so-triumphant return. He went 3-for-12 from the field while earning only one lonely free throw attempt. Nine of his 12 shots were jumpers, seven of which came from 16-23 feet out. He had two layups stuffed in Oklahoma City's third-quarter run, and on one rare foray to the basket, he attempted an awkward stutter dribble and got picked clean by Nick Collison.

I hope you were man enough to hide your face in shame. Oh, good.


Jose Calderon: Could No-Way Jose be the key to Toronto's historically bawful defense? John Hollinger sure seems to think so...and he has the damning numbers to prove it:

Calderon, by all accounts, had been horrid on defense. He hurt his hip two games after the Atlanta disaster and has played only seven minutes over the past 13 games, a stretch that coincides with the Raptors' best defensive effort of the season ... As bad as Toronto has been on defense this year, it has been orders of magnitude worse with Calderon playing. The Raptors are 11.2 points per 100 possessions worse with Calderon on the floor than when he's off it -- roughly the difference between Golden State and the Celtics on defense. Subjective evaluation backs up the numbers -- he's been beaten off the dribble as easily as any other point guard I've seen this season, and that's been the case ever since he tore his hamstring early in the 2008-09 campaign. Of course, Calderon's supporters will argue that part of the reason his on-court versus off-court numbers are so bad is that he has been out of the lineup when his teammates have finally started defending with some zeal. And it might be a fair point: As bad as he's looked, it's extremely unlikely that a single player could have an impact as profound as Calderon's on-court versus off-court numbers imply. We should get a better answer soon. Calderon is scheduled to return to the lineup Wednesday for the Raptors' game against Orlando.

Lacktion report: Chris completes our nightly recap with the lacktion report:

Hawks-Heat: In the rematch of the Least Interesting Seven-Game Series Ever, Joe Smith blandly batted down an assist with two fouls for a 2:0 Voskuhl in 5:19, while fellow dirty bird Jason Collins blinged it up with a 3 trillion (3:01)! In the same time period that Collins struck it rich, Jeff Teague bricked once from the Jewelry District for a +1 suck differential.

Hornets-Jazz: Ronnie Price collected a +6 in 10:06 by giving Utah a rejection, a foul, a giveaway AND three bricks!

Blazers-Clippers: The solidly sucky Steve Novak provided some celebration for Mike Dunleavy's squad with a two-brick +2 in 1:52.

Gilbert Arenas: Oooooooooooh...he was just kidding around (via TrueHoop)!

As I have said before, I had kept the four unloaded handguns in my house in Virginia, but then moved them over to my locker at the Verizon Center to keep them away from my young kids. I brought them without any ammunition into the District of Columbia, mistakenly believing that the recent change in the DC gun laws allowed a person to store unloaded guns in the District.

On Monday, December 21st, I took the unloaded guns out in a misguided effort to play a joke on a teammate. Contrary to some press accounts, I never threatened or assaulted anyone with the guns and never pointed them at anyone.

Joke or not, I now recognize that what I did was a mistake and was wrong. I should not have brought the guns to DC in the first place, and I now realize that there’s no such thing as joking around when it comes to guns -- even if unloaded.

Awh, it's okay, Gil. I'm sure I speak for everybody everywhere when I say we've all pulled unloaded guns on co-workers as a joke before! Am I right? Hey, speaking of irresponsible gun use...

Jayson Williams: Just when you thought accidentally killing your driver and trying to cover it up, then getting tasered by cops for acting "suicidal" and "violent", then getting arrested for passing out knuckle sandwiches in a bar fight was rock bottom...Jayson Williams apparently got drunk and ran his car into a tree. How many wrecks can a train get into before it gets decommissioned?

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Chicago Bulls, Gilbert Arenas, Jayson Williams, Jose Calderon, Portland Trail Blazers, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Night

An inescapable (but intensely annoying) part of NBA coverage is the burning need many media outlets have to foretell...THE FUTURE. Every season, the world's leading guess-ologists fearlessly tell us who's going to be named MVP, which team is going to win the most games, who's going to the NBA Finals, etc. And these amazing hypotheses usually end up being only slightly less accurate than your average weather forecast. Where's Miss Cleo when you need her?

In that vein, Basketbawful reader Spencer nominated this 1999 article -- Phil Taylor's The Starting Over 5 -- for, in retrospect, making the worst prediction ever. In this stirring tribute to getting it wrong, Taylor named the five-man unit that was going to win back fans during the brutal post-Jordan/post-lockout era: Jayson Williams, Stephon Marbury, Keith Van Horn, Bo Outlaw and Ray Allen.

Of this Fab Five, Taylor said: "Together they embody all the qualities that can make the NBA likable again: charisma, passion, lightheartedness, humility, attitude, athleticism and, yes, an appeal to desirable demographic groups. If you were choosing an All-Star team, this would not be the starting five, but for a league looking for a new beginning, these players are perfect."

So, uh, how'd that turn out? Williams killed his limo driver and tried to cover it up. Marbury eschewed the "humility" Taylor spoke of to become the biggest locker room cancer in league history. Van Horn failed to live up to his Great White Hope hype and the final act of his career was having his corpse used as an add-on in the trade that sent Jason Kidd to Dallas. Outlaw somehow hung on to play 914 games in The Association, averaging a very quiet 5.4 points and 4.9 rebounds per game (although he did once notch a triple-double, and when asked about it he famously replied: "Triple-Double? What’s that, some kind of hamburger?") As for Allen, sure, he's been part of this Celtics' rejuvenation, but I'd be willing to bet Larry Bird's three championship rings that there isn't an NBA fan alive who would claim that Ray kept them from giving up on the league. (Unless Ray calls them "mom and dad.")

Can you think of any other predictions that, in retrospect, were that far off the mark? Leave your nomination(s) in the comments section and I'll assemble a top ten list.

Update! More from Wild Yams: Some additions to that Fab Five: Van Horn ended his career by quitting for no reason, deciding to just stop playing in the middle of a contract despite being in the "prime" of his career and being completely healthy. While some might say it's honorable to want to spend time with your family rather than play basketball, it's not exactly helping the NBA and the perception that NBA players are spoiled or whiny. After all, most people can't relate to someone giving up $5 million for one season (not to mention whatever he would have made in years after that) simply because the prospect of being a guy who mostly rides the bench seemed like too much work. Lord knows there's plenty of great family men who have suffered through the horrors of being an NBA player and survived to talk about it.

Ray Allen became the first player to publicly say that there may be an NBA conspiracy and that he felt his Bucks team was eliminated from the playoffs because the league didn't want such a small market team on TV in the playoffs. Whether this was true or not is for you to decide, but doing so didn't exactly help "make the NBA likable again" in the wake of Jordan's retirement.

Labels: Bo Outlaw, fan submissions, Jayson Williams, Keith Van Horn, predictions gone horribly wrong, Stephon Marbury, Worst Evers