Check out this item from the ESPN.com NBA Rumors page. Noah ready to bang, ESPN? Really?! Of course, look at Joakim's zany smile...maybe he really is ready to bang! Seriously.


Mucho thanks to Basketbawful reader Garron for the head's up.

Labels: ESPN, fan submissions, funny headlines, Joakim Noah

Since ESPN is doing that whole Mount Rushmore of Sports thing, Evil Ted and I decided there needed to be a Mount Rushmore of Basketbawful. After nearly seven seconds (or less) of furious non-debate, we chose the faces and ET Photoshopped the graphic. All hail.

Update! Hey. What's that...up in the clouds... (thanks Tonewise.)


Editor's note: I really, really wish the real Mount Rushmore had five heads so that we could have included Antoine Walker. In fact, based on extra cogitation and reader suggestions, additional Basketbawful Rushmorians could include (but not be limited to): Bill Laimbeer, Clay Bennet, the Clippers logo, Darko Milicic, Dennis Rodman, Duncan face, Eddy Curry, Joey Crawford, John Hollinger, Lamar Odom, Latrell Spreewell, Mario West, Ron Artest, Steve Francis, Tracy McGrady and Vince Carter. Am I missing anybody?

Labels: ESPN, Greg Ostertag, Isiah Thomas, Kobe Bryant, Mount Rushmore, Stephon Marbury

What "ESPN thing," you ask? This one: "ESPN, TrueHoop, and many of the best independent basketball blogs out there are now officially working hand in hand as the TrueHoop Network. The TrueHoop Network, as fueled by the efforts of a growing list of favorite basketball bloggers and newly hired ESPN editor, and top-notch blogger, Kevin Arnovitz, will find and foster excellence in online basketball writing."

Follow the link provided above for the full scoop, but pretty cool, huh? And it so happens that I'm one of the founding members of the TrueHoop Network. But before you get the wrong idea, allow me to answer a few potential questions:

1. Does this mean Basketbawful is in the TrueHoop Network? No. I was offered the chance to migrate Basketbawful over to the Network but chose not to. I've said it before but allow me to reiterate: I feel a strong sense of responsibility to this blog and to its loyal readers. So, after 48 hours of furious internal debate, I decided that Basketbawful should remain unchanged and pure (or as pure as a site with recurring fart and man love jokes can be).

2. So...what are you doing for the Network then? I started a new blog called By The Horns. It's a fan blog covering Chicago Bulls.

3. Why in the name of the Green Goblin would you do that? Well, if I was going to join the Network but not as Basketbawful, I wanted to do something completely different than what I do here (or, for that matter, what I did while covering the NBA for Deadspin). I've never covered an individual team before, so it seemed like a fun new challenge for me, both personally as a fan and pseudo-professionally as a blogger.

4. Okay. But why the Chicago Bulls? I was given the choice of few different teams, including my beloved Celtics. But, in the end, I went with the Bulls because I live in Chicago. That makes the Bullies more accessible. I can attend games. I can read about the team, in detail, in the local papers. I can discuss it with people on the street. Quite simply, my physical location makes the process of running the blog, from a logistical standpoint, much easier.

Moreover, by landing Derrick Rose with the first pick in the 2008 draft, I'd like to believe that the Bulls are a team on the rise. Hopefully, I'll get to watch this team grow and greatly improve over the next few years. The Celtics? They're already on top. That means, unfortunately, there's nowhere for them to go but down. I don't want to record the eventual descent of a team in which I'm deeply emotionally invested. I'd rather chronicle the maturation of a young team with a budding (potential) superstar.

5. Is the new site going to be all serious and stuff? Yes and no. There will be more analysis and fewer one-liners. But at this point in my blogging "career," I am what I am. (Or, more accurately, I am who you thought I was.) By The Horns will feature the same wacky, sarcastic, off-beat humor complete with out-of-left-field references to cult movies, professional wrestling and video games. I'll probably reserve the man love posts for Basketbawful -- actually, Henry Abbott told me I pretty much have to -- but, let me put it this way, if you end up following By The Horns, there won't be any question in your mind that I'm writing it.

But remember that, as noted above, I'm new to this whole covering an individual team thing. Just as was the case with Basketbawful, it's going to take me a little time to develop a personality for By The Horns. To that end, I'd be open to any and all suggestions. If you want to take a few minute out of your time to help me out, let me know what kinds of things you like to see and read about on a team blog. Cool suggestions will help me run a cool site.

6. That's great and all, but how's this going to effect Basketbawful? I probably should have stated this up front, but Basketbawful will continue unaltered and unabated. I still plan to do Worst of the Nights and Weekends, Word of the Days, articles on pickup basketball, and posts about whatever else deserves to be mocked with prejudice. I will not abandon you!

However, at the moment, I'm not sure how the new workload is going to effect me. Statbuster, bless his dark soul, has been kind enough to stand in for me a couple times recently, and Chris, of course, has been handling the lacktion reports. There might also be some blips over the next few weeks, a missed post here or there. But I would like to think that I can and will continue to bring you the best of the worst of professional basketball...just as I have since 2005.

7. Promise? I promise. And thanks to everybody to has followed and contributed to this site (and hopefully will continue to do so). This wouldn't have happened without your support. If I've missed any questions, feel free to leave 'em in the comments section. I will answer them all. (Unless it's about my Gwen Stefani obsession. Please just accept that about me, okay?)

Labels: announcements, By The Horns, Chicago Bulls, ESPN, TrueHoop

Basketbawful reader Jeremy sent me the following image in an email with a subject line of "Poor choice of words for a headline about the Olympics in China." Wow. No kidding. (Note: If I have to explain it, I'm not going to explain it. You know?)


Jeremy continued: "I saw this on ESPN's homepage when Team USA beat Argentina. I refreshed the page a minute later and the headline changed to 'A Way In?'"


I have no idea what goes on behind the scenes at ESPN. Like, how many people manage the Web site, how articles and headlines get edited, how quickly content can be changed, etc. Every time I consider it, I imagine an army of technicians flipping switches and spinning dials on complex machinery covered in multi-colored, blinking lights. Kind of like NORAD. It would be interesting to know how unintended mistakes like this happen, and how they get fixed.

Labels: ESPN, fan submissions, headlines, Olympics

Note: I know the Bulls didn't play last night. But the world needed to see this picture, and I needed to be the one to show it to them. (Are they high-fiving or preparing to crush Ben Gordan's head? This answer may surprise you: They're going to crush Ben's head with a high-five. Crazy, huh?)

Andrea Bargnani: Mr. Former Number One Overall Draft Pick had a rather painful night off the bench: Zero points (0-for-2), 2 rebounds, and 1 foul in seven minutes. At this point, he can only dream of being as good as Rasho Nesterovic's alien clone (see below).

Atlanta Hawks: The dirty birds almost let the Memphis Grizzlies rally back from a 38-point deficit. That's not good. Now tell me again why these guys are so determined to make the playoffs?

ESPN's Daily Dimers: Another gem from ESPN's Daily Dime, as spotted by the eagle-eyed reader Josh from Dinosty: "Raptors. Bobcats. Chris Paul. Can you explain what the three of these things have in common? Another error in the Daily Dime? You win!" Take a look for yourself, or go here for a larger version. Update: An anonymous poster had this to say: "The ESPN Daily Dime had a picture of Chris Paul because that section was once about him and his record breaking assist month. The only issue...Deron Williams had 12 more assists than him in the month. So instead of switching over and giving Deron credit they changed it. Where's the love for Deron?" Well, we did know why the picture of Paul was there...we just thought it looked odd because of the lead-in. But you do make an excellent point. Deron gets no love. Why is that? 'Cause Jerry Sloan won't let him get jiggy with it, that's why.


Jason Kapono: Not only did he lose his starting job to Jamario Moon, he didn't even get off the bench against the Bobcats. Sadly, he now has more DNP-CDs in the last five games than points: One.

Enver Nuggets: The Nuggmiesters wasted a 22-point lead by allowing the Suns to go supernova on them. Phoenix blew up for 81 points in the second half and outscored Denver 46-25 in the fourth quarter...and the Suns did it with only seven men! And I know this team can put up points against anybody, but allowing a 37-point turnaround when you're trying to claw yourself into the playoffs isn't the sign of an playoff-quality defense. The key of the game: The Suns committed only 10 turnovers, and we all know that turnovers are the Nuggets' bread and butter. The bad news: The loss dropped Denver from a seventh-place tie to ninth and, effectively, out of the playoffs. For today, anyway. The good news: They get another shot at the Suns tonight in Denver. And, as I mentioned, the Suns only played seven men, and Grant Hill is in the repair shop this week.

Jermaine O'Neal: He's back! The question is: Why would he return now after missing 33 straight games with a bruised knee just to play the last handful of meaningless regular season games? I have no idea. Wait, what? He can use an Early Termination Option in his contract to become an unrestricted free agent this summer? Oooooh. I get it.

Jose Calderon: The way that Jose volunteered to come off the bench -- despite the fact that he'd been playing like an All-Star for months -- was both brave and selfless. And potentially damaging to his career, apparently. His line against the Bobcats was: 1 point (0-for-2), 1 assist, and 3 fouls in 17 minutes. But the Raptors won, so he has that going for him.

Kwame Brown: Last night, he collected his seventh consecutive DNP-CD. Funny how he got more PT on a better team when he was playing with the Lakers.

Los Angeles Clippers: As Matt from Hardwood Paroxysm said in an e-mail: "6:07 in the third quarter, the Clippers are shooting 30 percent. It's really hard to type with all this blood coming out of my eyes."

Miami Heat: It's a travesty. It's a mockery. It's a...wait for it...a traveshamockery. Let's just rename them the Washington Generals for the rest of the season and be done with it.

Mike D'Antoni: He managed to coach his team back from a 22-point deficit to a 15-point win over a conference rival and thus pulled his team into a tie for the division lead and within one game of the conference lead. Here's the "but." D'Antoni rode his starters hard and put them away wet to get 'er done, and they play again in Denver tonight. Technically, he used eight men against the Nuggets, but it was effectively seven men since D.J. Strawberry logged only 36 seconds of PT. I'm not saying they can't win, but I wouldn't want to drag a tired Shaq and company into Denver's thin air on the second night of back-to-backs when most of the main guys are sure to be exhausted.

Rasho Nesterovic's alien abductors: Check out his game log, and then check out his splits. Something fishy happened around the first of March, and I'm certain a Martian anal probe was involved. I mean, from 4 PPG and 3 RPG to 14 RPG and 7 RPG? We need to go kill this doppleganger before he has a chance to lay space pods.

Update: Shaq the seven-foot point guard: I guess the Big Ball-Handler's been drinking some of Zach Randolph's special sauce. From Odenized.


The Monday Night Minutemen: Basketbawful reader Kevin Li pointed out that playing time for a certain group of "not-so-merry men." Said Kevin: "First we start off with our perpetual trillion-star Mario West, who logged one minute and 55 seconds of complete nothingness. Then we have Marcus Williams of the Dallas Mavericks, who somehow logged a grand total of three seconds. Finally we have the Denver Nuggets, who had THREE players post some epic stats: Yakhouba Diawara logged a dizzying 23 seconds on the hardwood, Steven Hunter "outperformed" him with a whopping 37 seconds, and leading the way for these two essential cogs of the Denver squad is Chucky Atkins with one minute and 19 seconds of on-court spectatorship."

Washington Wizards: Their 42-point loss to the Jazz is mitigated by the fact that they were finishing up a five-game Western Conference road trip without just one night after a tough overtime loss to the Lakers. Oh, and Caron Butler missed the game with a strained hammy. But they still lost by 42, the entire Jazz team went off (60 percent shooting, 57 percent from downtown, 40 assists on 50 baskets, and a 40-23 rebounding edge), and C.J. Miles walked all over them (29 points, 12-for-17 shooting). Worse yet, they're in real danger of slipping down to the 6th or 7th seed if they don't get their act together.

Yahoo edit checkers: Basketbawful reader Rob sent me an e-mail with the following subject line: "The MVP is a Dick." At first, I thought maybe the NBA had named Kobe the MVP a few weeks early, but I was wrong. Rob was talking about the following sentence from Yahoo's recap of the Mavs/Clippers game: "They’re also having difficulty putting away teams with losing records while reigning MVP Dick Nowitzki is out with an injury." Wow, what a boner, huh? You can also view the gaffe here in case they actually change it.

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Denver Nuggets, ESPN, Jermaine O'Neal, Los Angeles Clippers, Miami Heat, Mike D'Antoni, Phoenix Suns, Washington Wizards, Yahoo

Jim Mora: A real man of genius. This is required viewing for the rant that will follow:


Last night, I was happily watching the Pistons/Mavs game when the announcers (Mark Jones and Jon Barry I think?) must have decided that the game was too boring. So instead of discussing, say, why the Pistons failed to leave Walter Herrmann on Dirk Nowitzki -- that one's for you, Al -- they started talking about the upcoming Eastern Conference playoffs. These men seemed certain that the Pistons will be the East's second seed, and that they will be facing the Celtics in the Conference Finals. Talk about going out on a limb. They then went out of their way to assure the viewers that Detroit is very capable of winning big games on the road in the playoffs, even against really good teams. To prove their point, they cited Piston wins in Game 7 against the Heat and Game 6 against the Spurs...during the 2005 playoffs.

They somehow, rather conveniently I might add, forgot to mention how Detroit choked away critical home games over the last couple seasons. Those games include:

1. Game 5 of the 2006 Eastern Conference Semifinals (against the Cavs).

2. Game 1 of the 2006 Eastern Conference Finals (against the Heat).

3. Game 5 of the 2007 Eastern Conference Semifinals (against the Bulls).

4. Game 5 of the 2007 Eastern Conference Finals (against the Cavs).

So yes, while the Pistons have indeed shown that they can win big playoff road games -- three (against the Heat and Spurs) or four (against the Pacers and Lakers) years ago, they've also shown a tendency to lose focus (as well as games) both at home and on the road.

But that's all beside the point.

It's January, people. I don't need or want the playoffs set up for me right now. They're four freaking months away!

But it didn't stop there. ESPN's in-studio analysts (Greg Anthony and Tim Legler?) declared the Lakers to be the second-best team in the Western Conference, and further stated -- rather unequivocally -- that there was "no way" the Suns could beat the Lakers in a seven-game series. They then predicted a Lakers/Spurs matchup in the Western Conference Finals (with the Lakers losing).

Well hey, that's great, guys. I'm glad I don't need to follow the rest of the regular season or anything. Can I cancel NBA League Pass? Maybe I can demand a refund too. I mean, all this basketball is totally superflous anyway. Let's just go ahead and fast forward to the inevitable Pistons/Spurs Finals. Wait, on second thought, let's not.

Here's a little wakeup call to NBA analysts: The two hottest teams in the league this time last year (the Mavericks and Suns) got knocked out in the first and second rounds, respectively. And the Lakers started out pretty strong last season, before injuries and ennui led them straight into the snapping jaws of a first-round beatdown.

So please, remember that it's only January, and don't talk to me about playoffs.

Labels: analysts, ESPN, Jim Mora, NBA playoffs

It's going to take more than a hammerto fix the Suns' problems this year.
ESPN.com published a huge NBA Season Preview on Friday. Some of you may (or may not ) have noticed that Basketbawful was asked -- via Henry Abbot at TrueHoop -- to say a few words on the Phoenix Suns.

Since my contribution was limited to 100 words, I'm going to expand on my thoughts here. It's no secret that I really dig the Suns and want them to win an NBA title, partly because they're a great team, and partly to stick it in the face of the naysayers who take shots at Steve Nash and claim that fastbreak teams can't win championships (uh, Showtime Lakers, anyone?).

The good news is that the Suns are one of the three, maybe four teams that have a legitimate shot at winning it all this year. Of course, the same thing was true the last three seasons as well, but it didn't happen for a variety of legitimate reasons: Injuries (to Joe Johnson during the '05 playoffs, to Amare Stoudemire and Tim Thomas in '06), departures (of Joe Johnson and Quentin Richardson in '06), and of course The Suspensions.

Unfortunately, these near misses have established a disastrous mindset in The Valley, as evidenced by the Suns' offseason strategy, which can be best described as "hold steady." They gave away Kurt Thomas and two future first-round draft picks for a second-round pick and some cash relief. Not only did that move potentially handicap them in the future, it also hurt them in the present: They no longer have an interior defender to guard anybody, let alone Tim Duncan. They ostensibly addressed their depth issues by picking up Grant Hill on the cheap, but considering Hill's age and history of injuries, it's hard to imagine him playing a fulll season, much less becoming the "missing piece" that pushes the Suns over the top.

I'd feel better if the Suns had dealt for Kevin Garnett, or if they'd converted one or more of their tradable assets into an influx of young talent. I understand money was an issue. Robert Sarver wants to stay under the salary cap, and he hired GM Steve Kerr to make sure that happened. But the team didn't improve at all. In a best-case scenario, they're "as good" as last year; they might also be worse.

Here's one seemingly incontrovertable truth of the NBA: If a team wasn't good enough to win a championship one year, it won't be good enough to win one the next year without making one or significant offseason moves. Looking back in my lifetime, I can see many examples of this. The Lakers added Magic Johnson in '80. The Celtics added Robert Parish and Kevin McHale in '81. The 76ers added Moses Malone in '83. The Celtics added Dennis Johnson in '84 and Bill Walton in '86. The Lakers added Mychal Thompson in '87. The Pistons added James Edwards in '88 (although he didn't pay off until '89). The Rockets added Clyde Drexler in '05. The Bulls added Dennis Rodman in '96. The Pistons added Rasheed Wallace in '04. The Heat overhauled their roster in '06. And the Spurs have made a variety of little tweeks during their championship runs.

The Suns are going to win around 60 games this season. They're going to make noise in the playoffs. But they have to address so many questions: How long will Steve Nash's body hold up? How about Amare's knees? Hill's everything? Can Shawn Marion keep his chin up? Will Boris Diaw step up his game? How much will all of these guys have left in the tank in May?

I'd love it if the Suns could answer these questions and win a title. I just don't think they can.

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, championships, ESPN, NBA season preview, Phoenix Suns, Shawn Marion, Steve Nash, TrueHoop

ESPN's Scoop Jackson recently wrote an article that absolutely mystified me. It's called Seeking Out The 10th Man, and it's a moving story about how hard it was for him to pick the tenth best center in NBA history. His list already included Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Hakeem Olajuwon, Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain, Shaq, Moses Malone, George Mikan, Bob McAdoo, and Patrick Ewing. After some lengthy consideration, he put Bill Walton in the ten spot ahead of David Robinson.

Uh...what?!

It wasn't the that he chose Walton over The Admiral that got my hackles up. It was the fact that the list includes Patrick Ewing. I just don’t understand how anyone could seriously put Ewing on a "10 Best Centers" list ahead of Robinson. That's ridiculous, and I’m here to tell you why. First, let's review their career stats:


Statistically, it's almost a dead heat, with The Admiral owning a slight advantage in every category. Now let's consider their relative accomplishments.

Rookie of the Year: They were both named Rookie of the Year (in 1986 and 1990, respectively). Edge: Even.

League Scoring Title: Ewing never won a scoring title; Robinson led the league in scoring during the 1994-95 season. Edge: Robinson.

All-Defensive Teams: Ewing made the All-Defensive Second Team three times; Robinson made the All-Defensive First Team four times and he made the Second Team another four times. Edge: Robinson.

All-NBA Teams: Ewing made the All-NBA First Team once and the Second Team six times. Robinson made the First Team four times, the Second Team twice, and the Third Team four times. Edge: Robinson.

Defensive Player of the Year: Robinson won the award in 1992. Ewing never won it. Edge: Robinson.

MVP Awards: Ewing never won the MVP; Robinson was the league's Most Valuable Player during the 1994-95 season. Edge: Robinson.

Championships: Ewing left the game ringless; Robinson won titles in 1999 and 2003. Edge: Robinson.

So Robinson was (slightly) better statistically, has the edge in every major recognition/award category (save for the ROY tie), and can boast two world championships to Ewing's none. How is putting Ewing ahead of Robinson even remotely defensible? Jackson's argument against boils down to this:

"David Robinson never got to the NBA Finals until Tim Duncan got there and even when he did get that first ring he did it against the Knicks when Patrick wasn't playing."

Your biggest gripe about Robinson is that he didn't win a title until Tim Duncan came along. And...? That's not an argument, it's a copout. After all, Kareem didn't win a title until Oscar Robertson came along, and he didn't win another one for almost a decade until Magic Johnson came along. Does that take the shine off of Kareem’s six rings? I doubt it.

For a better example, let's consider Dr. J. He was "The Man" on the 76ers for years, and the team couldn't win the title. They coughed up a 2-0 series lead in the 1977 Finals, failed to capitalize on Kareem's injury in the 1980 Finals, and just plain lost in the 1982 Finals. They didn't win The Big One until 1983, when they added the reigning MVP Moses Malone. Dr. J accepted a secondary role on the team that year, and he played caddy while Moses won the Finals MVP in a 4-0 sweep of the Lakers. The same finger you're pointing at Robinson could just as easily be pointed at The Doctor, so let me ask you this: Would you leave Erving off a list of the Top 10 Forwards of All Time? You'd have to, based on your Ewing-over-Robinson reasoning.

And by giving all the credit to Duncan, you conveniently overlook how instrumental Robinson was in the Spurs' titles. In the 1999 Finals, he averaged 17 points, 12 rebounds, 2 assists, and 3 blocked shots per game. Duncan was named the Finals MVP, but Robinson was, without question, the second-best player on a championship ball club. And they wouldn't have won without him.

Robinson was less of a factor in the 2003 Finals, averaging 11 points, 7 rebounds, 1 assist and 2 blocks over six games. But his defense on Shaq was absolutely crucial to the Spurs dethroning the Lakers in the Western Conference Semifinals. He was also a steady, stabilizing force in the pivot throughout the year and the playoffs.

Scoop's other criticism was that Hakeem Olajuwon dominated Robinson 1995 Western Conference Semifinals. What he neglects to mention is that this occurred during that amazing two-year stretch where Hakeem domainated everyone...including Ewing (in the 1994 Finals) and Shaq (in the 1995 Finals). So, as far as I'm concerned, that evidence is inadmissible.

Look, Robinson should get Ewing's place on that list. Not only does he win out in every category you can think of, not only was he a force on both ends of the court, not only was he an MVP and a champion, he was able to sublimate his ego and accept a lesser role on what had been "His Team" for years. That is something that (by all accounts) Ewing wasn't willing to do with the Knicks, which resulted in the trade that sent him to Seattle and, eventually, a sad end to a hard-fought but ultimately frustrating career. That ending is a stark contrast to The Admiral’s final game, a 13-point, 17-rebound, turn-back-the-clock performance in Game 6 of the NBA Finals.

Labels: David Robinson, ESPN, Patrick Ewing, Scoop Jackson