Since ESPN is doing that whole Mount Rushmore of Sports thing, Evil Ted and I decided there needed to be a Mount Rushmore of Basketbawful. After nearly seven seconds (or less) of furious non-debate, we chose the faces and ET Photoshopped the graphic. All hail.

Update! Hey. What's that...up in the clouds... (thanks Tonewise.)

Mt Basketbawfulmore 2

Editor's note: I really, really wish the real Mount Rushmore had five heads so that we could have included Antoine Walker. In fact, based on extra cogitation and reader suggestions, additional Basketbawful Rushmorians could include (but not be limited to): Bill Laimbeer, Clay Bennet, the Clippers logo, Darko Milicic, Dennis Rodman, Duncan face, Eddy Curry, Joey Crawford, John Hollinger, Lamar Odom, Latrell Spreewell, Mario West, Ron Artest, Steve Francis, Tracy McGrady and Vince Carter. Am I missing anybody?

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Blogger chris said...
Isn't there that Crazy Horse memorial nearby that remains unfinished, and entirely controversial?

THAT project could be reshaped for Antoine!

Blogger Dan B. said...
Well, Antoine Walker is so slow and large these days, it's hard to tell him apart from a statue. Is that close enough? Not quite being in Mt. Basketbawfulmore, but better than nothing.

Oh, and CAPTCHA: "scruce" Is that what they're really saying in that ELO song "Don't Bring Me Down"?

-Dan B.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Hey Bill Simmons, I didn't know that you made guest posts on Basketbawful! You should have posted your resentment that ESPN jacked your idea, make some bad NFL picks, and end with "Yup, these are my readers."

Blogger Nick said...
Hollinger? Mario West? I dunno, two Knicks seems kinda crazy...

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Oh, also, since this is the NBA, 2nd team Mount Rushmore of Basketbawful:

Ron Artest
Antoine Walker
Joey Crawford (alternatively: The Clippers logo)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wait, what about Eddy Curry?!

Blogger Tonewise said...
hahahaah ...c'mon bawful, havent you ever looked up at the clouds and thought you saw 'toine??

Blogger chris said...
Tonewise: What is this, the final scene of Happy Gilmore? ;)

CAPTCHA: "cantsme" - is this a message from the poet of bawful, identifying himself? :D

Blogger chris said...
I'm surprised nobody's suggested yet a crustacean statue at the base, to honor the greatest superstar move of this millenium...we need some crab acknowledgement on Rushmore!

Another statue for the entrance would have to represent a Ginobili flop.

And if Clay Bennett is a decent candidate for "memorialization," one of the Dolans, Mark Cuban, and Donald Sterling need to represent, too.

Blogger OneManRevolution said...
"We just never really recovered from that first quarter," Suns coach Terry Porter said. "It was just a TKO."

He was particularly astonished by Azubuike's performance.

"He hadn't hit many 3s this year," Porter said. "I don't know if that kid has attempted four 3s in a game."

That might be part of Phoenix's problem. For the record, Azubuike has taken 118 3s this season and made 45 percent of them, and now has made four 3s in a game four times in his career, including once earlier this season.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
ESPN is just horrible. Thank you for making fun of their silly little "contest" that they like to do every year when there isn't enough baseball and bullshit to fill up an hour of SportsCenter.

Remember the "who is now?" thing from last year or the year before? ESPN churns out such crap anymore. It's sad. I remember when Stuart Scott was cool and edgy. That show and that brand has been turrible and unwatchable/unreadable for years now. I wish I could close my eyes and make them disappear, but instead the monster keeps growing larger and larger...

Things 'aint what they used to was, I guess.

Blogger chris said...
AK Dave: Your comments - and all the smack on the WWL - reminds me of several recent posts at Jeff Pearlman's website...the planned ESPN high school (I kid you not) in NYC...and the ESPN internal forum leaks to Deadspin:

Blogger Big Man said...
Isiah can't get some kind of pass for his on court greatness?
Not even a little pass?
Plus, he is a good drafter.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
No David Stern?

Also, I agree on Ron Ron.

That said, I think the mountain is complete.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just read Jeff Pearlman's blog for the first time. That's pretty cool. I especially like the youtube video he has posted of Stephen A. Smith getting heckled- hilarious!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Zeke seems like a good drafter because he never had the opportunity to take a high lottery pick. He spent a lot of firsts on guys who would have probably gone in the second.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
What, no Shaq? if you're going to build a Mt. Rushmore for Baskebawful, you got to at least think about Shaq.

Blogger Ry said...
AnacondaHL: Your crackback on B. Simmons is excellent. Don't you also love when he delves into pop culture, hyping every bad TV show, crappy grunge band, and lackluster film? Plus he recently made the comment that Brenda Warner is "secretly sexy." Bill, consider any cred you had revoked. Good God.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
How could you forget Vlad Divac and Manu Ginobli + being "Ginobli'd" and the "Ginobli face?"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Okay, I have no idea where to put this, but for tomorrow's WotN... unintentionally dirty quote machine (i found it dirty, at the very least)

Doug Collins: "He [Kobe] is a cold blooded shooter, he just stares you down and knocks it in your face"

oh, KOBE FTW btw. no disrespect, though.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, man. I gotta start reading this ish at home - so I'm not 8 days behind everytime I try to talk to y'all. Anyway...

AKDave: I haven't finished all of the comments from the last 4 posts; but, I assume, if no one mentioned it when you asked, no one has mentioned it since; but, my guess regarding "had they back like bathing ape," is that apes (real ones) bathe by sitting in front of another ape who then grooms the hair, picking out bugs and eating them. That's getting someone's back.

Evil Ted: I guarantee that if you had written your most recent anti-flopping post about someone else - say, Sebastian Telfair - you wouldn't have been so horribly attacked. Personally, I hate the flop; and, I don't see how "kicking your leg out to make contact" is any different than flopping. Should a distinction be made between FAKING contact where there is none, and CREATING contact where there is none? I don't think so. It is unfortunate for you that the culprit this time was Lord Mamba, himself. Your point was lost in the mass of defensive folks who took it too personally. And, I have to admit, when you and Yams started arguing, I locked myself in my room and cried.

Chris and Ry: I love it!

Chris (specifically): I nominate CDR for All-Lacks East. You said he's working his way up the ladder; and, did you know that he was drafted 40th (one pick after the team who drafted his PNC from Memphis drafted, then traded, Sonny Weems - same position, almost the same size). Is that not bawful? I say, "No, that is not not bawful." Also, he got hurt pretty much right away.

(in case you don't know: 'PNC' = "partner 'n crime")

P.S. You'll notice I have nothing to say about my dead fantasy owner bounce...

Now, back to comments from a few days ago, I go.

Blogger Clifton said...
"Am I missing anybody?"

Bryant 'Big Country' Reeves and Yinka Dare. Not necessarily in that order. Although, those are less Basketbawful-specific and more just awful-basketball-related, I suppose.

Other potential items for the forthcoming (I'm sure) museum: a replica of Tony Allen's demolished ACL; Monta Ellis' Vespa; Robert Horry's towel; Cedric Ceballos' jet-ski; Ron Artest's plastic beer cup (much like an out-of-bounds ball depends on who touched it last, the beer cup became Ron-Ron's when it bounced off his face); Ron Artest's Tru Warier necklace/hubcap; the game ball from Ricky Davis' triple-double; and whatever else you wanna name.

I totally think it would be fair to make it a 5-headed mountain. This is basketball-- 5 guys on the court, 5 guys on the mountain. 'Toine ought to be up there, but if you go 5-headed, you've got to put up Mario "The Mario" West or Jake Voskuhl. 'Toine is pretty full of suck, but he doesn't have a *statistical measure* of suck named after him.

Plus, if you put up Mario, people wouldn't know who he was just by his face, and then you've got a nifty conversation starter for parties.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
marko jaric (or adrianna lima for being freakin hot and blind at the same time)
michael curry

Blogger Drake said...
I haven't watched ESPN in a while. I mean, lengthy viewings of Sportscenter and the morning and afternoon shows.

Do they still do that moronic "Fact or Fiction" segment. Gawd, that was excruciating, even from the 'experts' point of view, I suppose. Imagine being a guest expert on that segment:

"Fact or fiction: Barry Bonds should not be in the Hall of Fame because he took muscle enhancing drugs."

"That is fiction, Scott....."

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Ry: To Simmons's credit, he has 2 kids now so I don't expect his "who's hot" comments to be spot on anymore. And him simply mentioning porn stars still causes a spike in Google Trends data. (Yes, I Google'd/Wiki'd Aurora Snow and Alexis Texas because I didn't know).

Blogger sk93 said...
Greg Ostertag, anyone

Blogger Jim in KFalls said...
I don't know why you are sticking with the Mt Rushmore thing - you should be focusing on an "Anti-NBA-Superheroes-League" consisting of players like the following:

Bonzi "The Fans Are Number 1" Wells
Vlade "Floor Flopper" Divac
Bryant "The Flab" Reeves
Damon "The Weed" Stoudamire
Shawn "I Was in the movie with Bugs Bunny and MJ" Bradley
Ron "Mortal Kombat" Artest
Latrell "Underpaid Coach Choker" Spreewell
Ruben "Come here..." Patterson

Their leaders can be Clay Bennet and David Stern - aka The Ambiguously Gay Duo or
Tim "I'll take that bet" Donaghy

They can be based in Memphis at the Pyramid because nothing statistically relevant happens there anyway, and well a Pyramid would make a cool hideout.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Clippers logo? The Thunder's logo is waaaaay worse.

You forgot the Lakers' experiment with 'short-shorts', various players wearing tights during games, and anyone not-named Richard Hamilton wearing a mask.

Ben Gordon may not be a bad addition on the 4th or 5th Rushmore Team.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Ok, if you're that thick, my comment on the Clippers logo wasn't a joke about the actual logo, but rather a representation of the franchise that's the embodiment of Bawful. Like 25 years with only 2 seasons over .500, a combined 694-1294 (.349) as of today, and those are just the LA years. OKC has a ways to go to match that level of Bawful.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sorry, I totally didn't interpret it like that (obviously). If we're going to look at the Clippers as a franchise, then they deserve their own monument. I think mount everest would have enough room for the carving.