Man love.
Tuesday night BAD. Let's do this thing. (Rolls up sleeves)

The latest NBA free agency rumor mill action has the Celtics looking into acquiring Michael Finley's decaying corpse. Because of course the one thing the Celtics are missing is an over-the-hill winger who shoots treys to complement their over-the-hill big man who shoots treys. (Insert Charlie Brown "ARGH!" sound here) The one positive? It'll make Sheed look ten times less atrocious. It's like the mediocre looking girl always standing next to the pudgy, unattractive girl with braces and a bad haircut -- it makes her look hot by comparison.

The best take on the Finley situation so far has come from the Fake Mike Dunleavy Twitter account: "Michael Finley is available! Not available: a time machine to bring back the version of Finley that was any good."

Ball Don't Lie passes along the news to us that Lamar Odom sleeps in a bed full of chocolate. Insane. Lamar Odom is like a taller, less overweight version of Homer Simpson.

(h/t Chris who e-mailed it to me simply with the subject: "Lamar Odom's making Shaq and Oliver Miller and Big Snacks pretty jealous right now." True.)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Unfathomable sadness

"Come closer, Al"

"I can't believe we just got killed by Jameer Nelson"

Falling on your damn head? Greg Ostertag approves

I don't care if this is a celebration. It's just plain stupid looking.

"This is the big one! I'm comin' to join you, Elizabeth! This is it!"
Nationally Televised Games:
Celtics at Pistons: I can't stand cigarettes, but the odds that this Celtics team has me smoking unfiltereds by the end of the season have to be 50/50 at this point.

All The Other Games:
Warriors at Heat: God this Heat team is a joke. They're a cobbled together mess that kinda-sorta works on rare occasion. Here's a visual representation:

That being said, the Warriors are just garbage.

Kings at Thunder: The Purple Paupers theoretically could win three straight for the first time since the end of November. Thankfully Kevin Durant and Company will not let that atrocity happen, especially not at OKC. Per Chris: "If you were wondering, the Kings have 5 times as many road losses as they do road wins. Just sayin'."

Pacers at Lakers: Kobe on Sunday's awful shooting performance: "God knows I love the triangle (offense), but I kind of had to get into a playoff mode a little bit today -- just put the ball in my hands and let me make the decisions. But I missed a lot of shots." So, what you're saying is that you made the decisions, but they were almost always the wrong ones, right Kobe?

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Lamar Odom

Back in more innocent times, Brian Skinner, Darius Miles and Lamar Odom were supposed to lead the Los Angeles Clippers to a new and greater destiny. They believed, man. They believed in themselves, their team, and you, the basketball fan. And probably the Legend of Chupacabra...which, as it turns out, is much easier to believe in than the Clippers. Clippers fans should consider that as they begin the "Blake Superior" era.

Labels: Brian Skinner, Darius Miles, Lamar Odom, Los Angeles Clippers

Kanye West takes a break from belittling teenage girls to preview the upcoming NBA season. Bonus: For your VMA consideration, "Flow On" by Cedric Ceballos. Now just try to get it out of your head.

Hot Chicks with Douchebags: The NBA Edition.

The majority owner of the NJ Nets is now Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov. Prokhorov is probably best known for allegedly using prostitutes to entertain clients while head of Norilsk Nickel. Nets season ticket holders need to make note of that.

Proof that the WNBA is the Rodney Dangerfield of professional sports, Case #30726: The LA Sparks playoff games are bumped from their arena in favor of Britney Spears. Case #30726B: The Atlanta Dream are bumped in favor of Sesame Street Live.

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian are getting married. And this is news because, um..Khloe's sister Kim has a big butt and a sex tape? Just kidding! But seriously, Khloe is also famous because, um...

Something to tide you over until Sheed on opening night: The top 10 meltdowns of the last decade. Surprisingly not making the list: Starbury's Justin.tv account.

Starbury finally got around to listening to the Bad Boys 2 Soundtrack. He was not pleased.

Labels: Cedric Ceballos, Lamar Odom, schadenfreude, she married that douche?, Stephon Marbury

I should really be in bed right now, but Basketbawful reader Utahraptor sent in this video of the Lakers' contract negotiations with Lamar Odom and I had share it. I don't have many rules in life, but one of them is that if a YouTube video makes me giggle like a little girl, I post it. So...here you go.

Labels: fan submissions, Jerry Buss, Lamar Odom, Los Angeles Lakers

Wild Yams was the first person to send in this picture of Kobe Bryant and Lamar Odom holding hands and sharing a tender glance.


Then Basketbawful reader Jai took this slightly tepid bromance to epic levels of man loveness with some inspired Photoshoppery. Said Jai: "I mean, look at how lovingly Kobe is staring into Lamar's eyes...while holding hands...they look like they should be skipping around in a meadow together, or on a sandy beach or something, ala..."

Insert Little House on the Prarie theme here.
Insert Fantasy Island theme here.
Magnificent! Truly a pièce de résistance (which, as Dave Barry once pointed out, is French for "piece of resistance")! I believe that, one day, these images shall be placed alongside other classic works of art, such as Michelangelo's David, the cover of Iron Eagle IV, and whatever else you want to name...

Labels: fan submissions, Kobe Bryant, Lamar Odom, man love

Hey, is that Lamar Odom...or Lamar Latrell?! Whoever he is, somebody needs to let him know there are more socially acceptable ways to discourage penetration. You know, into the paint.


Note: Many thanks to Wira for the picture.

Labels: fan submissions, Lamar Latrell, Lamar Odom, man love, Revenge of the Nerds

Sadly, B-Diddy's life hasn't been all roller skatingand boom boxing since he arrived in L.A.
Well. That didn't take long. Tom Ziller reported on NBA Fanhouse that Baron Davis told Stephen Jackson that he wants to come back to the Golden State Warriors. Because, you know, his time in Oakland ended all sunshine and giggles.

According to Captan Jack: "That's all we talked about. I went to his house, spent some time with his mom and his grandmother. He wants to come back. And if he wants to come back, I want him back. I think that would be great for us. Coach loves him. Him and (guard) Monta (Ellis) have good chemistry. If they could work that out, that would be great for the organization."

Forget the fact that it's never, ever going to happen, and that Jackson is so nutty that he's as likely to have gotten that information from a sock puppet as the actual B-Diddy. However, this is -- if it is indeed true -- yet another example of a top-notch player wanting the frick out of Clipperland. Remember back in 1994 when Ron Harper was due to become an unrestriced free agent at the end of the season? He was fined and suspended for stating the obvious truth: "I'm just doing my jail time. In about 65 or 70 more days, my time is up and I'll be out on GB, good behavior."

And those comments were nothing compared to what Lamar Odom had to say at the end of his tenure with the other L.A. team. Here's a sampling:

"I feel like my relationship with the Clippers is over. I don't really feel like they committed to me. If they were, this wouldn't be going on like this. I just feel like this is my time and my place and my chance to get out of there.

"At the end of this year, I pretty much wanted out. I'm tired of not having a place to practice, a place to get better. I think it's just my time to get out of there. I've been trying to express myself as humble as possible, but I just want to get...out of there.

"I know they did the thing with Elton Brand, but that was the obvious. They had to do that. I don't want to go through this again with the perception of Lamar Odom and having to win [Dunleavy] over and try to show him that I'm a good dude.

"I don't see how far we could go. From my understanding, no one wants to hire a disgruntled employee or bring a disgruntled employee back. I would not be happy coming back. I think my career is going to take off with the Heat. I'm running in muddy waters with the Clippers.

"This is about me coming to play for a coach that I should have been playing with a long time ago, since my rookie season. He tried to make the moves to come get me then [in a trade], and now it's time for him to come get me out of the basketball hell."

Asked if he was worried the Clippers would match the Heat's offer simply out of spite, Odom said: "To sign somebody back out of spite is gutless and is sorry. I just want to get as far away from the Clippers as possible."

Of course, that situation was mitigated somewhat by the fact that Odom is as crazy as an athlete's foot sandwich. But he wasn't exactly wrong either. Being on the Clippers really IS basketball hell, one unusually successful season a few years ago notwithstanding. Many players have been a Clipper. But nobody -- and I mean nobody -- ever willingly chooses to remain a Clipper. Let me put it this way. There are exactly five teams in the NBA that don't have a single retired jersey number: The Charlotte Bobcats, the Los Angeles Clippers, the Memphis Grizzlies, the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Toronto Raptors. You'll notice that the other teams are relatively recent expansion teams. The oldest of them, Toronto, is 11 years younger than the Clips (since they've been in L.A. anyway). And considering how many extremely high draft picks they've had over the years, that's astounding. It may take a few years, but eventually everybody wants out of that nuthouse. Which is why it was so strange to read that Jason Williams retired as a Clipper. Of course, he never played a game for them.

Anyway, Davis made his bed. Now, for good or ill, he's gonna have to squirm in it.

Update! Basketbawful reader Drake also pointed out that, in 1985, Bill Walton agreed to buy out part of HIS OWN contract with the Clippers to facilitate a trade to the Celtics. (Can you imagine Antoine Walker doing something like that? Ha!) And Wild Yams said: "You forgot to add what the late, great Malik Sealy said after he finally got away from the Clippers in 1997: 'It's good to be back in the NBA.' The Clippers: They are who we thought they were." Yes they are.

Labels: Baron Davis, Golden State Warriors, Lamar Odom, Los Angeles Clippers, Ron Harper, Stephen Jackson

Now, I already knew Lamar Odom was a little bit loopy, but I had no idea he was so darn funny. Some of these YouTube videos made me laugh out loud...and I was watching them in church. Oh, but hey, it's not as bad as it sounds. I don't actually attend that church. I was just there for the free WiFi.

Anyway, here's one where Lamar dribbles the ball inbounds. He must have been having a pickup basketball flashback or something...


Next, watch Lamar deliver a fundamentally sound chest pass...right to a referee.


Okay, now this is the one that made me spit up that fruit punch they gave me during Eucharist. What the hell was Lamar trying to say?!


Ego-ectomy extra: Just for the heck of it, here's a video of Lamar's teammate punching the ball, which bounces right back up and hits him in the face.

Labels: comedy, Lamar Odom, that's what smoking pot will do to you