Man love.

Tuesday night BAD. Let's do this thing. (Rolls up sleeves)

The latest NBA free agency rumor mill action has the Celtics looking into acquiring Michael Finley's decaying corpse. Because of course the one thing the Celtics are missing is an over-the-hill winger who shoots treys to complement their over-the-hill big man who shoots treys. (Insert Charlie Brown "ARGH!" sound here) The one positive? It'll make Sheed look ten times less atrocious. It's like the mediocre looking girl always standing next to the pudgy, unattractive girl with braces and a bad haircut -- it makes her look hot by comparison.

The best take on the Finley situation so far has come from the Fake Mike Dunleavy Twitter account: "Michael Finley is available! Not available: a time machine to bring back the version of Finley that was any good."

Ball Don't Lie passes along the news to us that Lamar Odom sleeps in a bed full of chocolate. Insane. Lamar Odom is like a taller, less overweight version of Homer Simpson.

(h/t Chris who e-mailed it to me simply with the subject: "Lamar Odom's making Shaq and Oliver Miller and Big Snacks pretty jealous right now." True.)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Unfathomable sadness

"Come closer, Al"

"I can't believe we just got killed by Jameer Nelson"

Falling on your damn head? Greg Ostertag approves

I don't care if this is a celebration. It's just plain stupid looking.

"This is the big one! I'm comin' to join you, Elizabeth! This is it!"

Nationally Televised Games:
Celtics at Pistons: I can't stand cigarettes, but the odds that this Celtics team has me smoking unfiltereds by the end of the season have to be 50/50 at this point.

All The Other Games:
Warriors at Heat: God this Heat team is a joke. They're a cobbled together mess that kinda-sorta works on rare occasion. Here's a visual representation:

That being said, the Warriors are just garbage.

Kings at Thunder: The Purple Paupers theoretically could win three straight for the first time since the end of November. Thankfully Kevin Durant and Company will not let that atrocity happen, especially not at OKC. Per Chris: "If you were wondering, the Kings have 5 times as many road losses as they do road wins. Just sayin'."

Pacers at Lakers: Kobe on Sunday's awful shooting performance: "God knows I love the triangle (offense), but I kind of had to get into a playoff mode a little bit today -- just put the ball in my hands and let me make the decisions. But I missed a lot of shots." So, what you're saying is that you made the decisions, but they were almost always the wrong ones, right Kobe?

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how all you can really talk about in the Indiana-LA matchup is Kobe being Kobe. There's just no mention of Indiana.

How appropos.

Oh God! Why must thou hate Indiana teams?!?!

BTW - a pox on all ACLs. Especially those belonging to Robbie Hummel. Faugh.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Celtics looking into acquiring Michael Finley's decaying corpse. Because of course the one thing the Celtics are missing is an over-the-hill big man"

Um, what? Finley is a wing.

Blogger chris said...
BadDave: To put it in context...the continued existence of the Pacers came as a result of the forced non-existence of the local ABA team in Dan's hometown of Louisville, so...yeah. Payback, I guess? :D

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Just the sheer arrogance in that kobe quote makes me want to vomit. He acts like there isn't a team surrounding him, a team that is way more efficient than he is. I mean LeBron is arrogant but at least he is the best in the league..
Not to start a flame war. I'm actually from Holland, so I don't really root for one specific team. Although I've always had this sympathy for the knicks for some reason..

Blogger Ash said...
Don't worry anonymous, I have sympathy for the poor, poor Knicks as well. They need all the sympathy they can get.

Blogger chris said...
Ash B: Of course, folks like the Dolans and Knee-Mac haven't earned any sympathy at all...

Blogger Sos said...
If I rooted for the Knicks, I'd want to anonymous too! Zing!

Don't fret, anon, it's in your Dutch heritage to root for the Knickerbockers of New Amsterdam! (Even if they do play like Peg Leg Stuyevesant on defense).

Blogger Ash said...
Holy crap, check out the Lakers AND the Clippers taking care of business:

"The 12 NBA teams that currently have a losing record are 0-22 at Staples Center this season (0-12 versus the Lakers and 0-10 against the Clippers)."

Blogger Mr A said...
Finley a big man? Since when?

Blogger Dan B. said...
Anonymous and Mr A -- What?

(looks back at own post)

Wow, yeah, that was a collosal fuckup. This is what happens when you edit down two sentences into one. I originally typed something about how they got an old three-jacking wing to go alongside their old three-jacking big man, but it got all mangled when I tried to reword it. This is why you don't try to blog on your lunch break at work, and then not look at it again until 9:45 at night.

(fires up Blogger to edit post and make that sentence make sense)

BadDave -- Indeed. Did you know "Indiana" is a synonym for "irrelevant?"

Blogger Dan B. said...
Okay, now the post should halfway make sense.

Anonymous Josh said...
Sheed isn't the mediocre looking girl right now. At this point in his career, he's the girl with an Osama Bin Laden beard and leprosy.

Blogger chris said...
Ronnie Turiaf's final possession tonight in Miami is as opposite of clutch as Sinead O'Connor is to "tactful."


Blogger chris said...
Fred Carter on NBA Coast 2 Coast talking up his 1972-1973 9-73 Sixers, wanting the Nyets to win enough games to not become permanently infamous.

After all, Fred notes, "We worked HARD for that record, it was a 17-team league back then!"

Blogger chris said...
So on Coast2Coast, they're talking up (with dramatic, dour music) King Crab's chasedown blocks...

I wonder what the most failarious chasedown in Association history is, not just simply from the roster of the head crustacean, but something that lays down the smack and is truly bawful.

Though the nullification of J-Rich's reverse was pretty harsh!

Blogger chris said...
And yes. Bowen and friends are even claiming that Richardson's worst-evar-missed-dunk was influenced by that rejection by Bron-Bron!!!!!

Blogger Murcy said...
holy shit. I know bleacher report often posts strange things such as "credible" rumors of lebron going to LA and stuff like that, but this is just strange:

"Utah has remained a model of consistency again this season". Don't they read Basketbawful? or at least watch games?

Blogger Trevor Paxton said...
By the way, it was "AUGH" that Charlie Brown would say, not "ARGH". But that's just nitpicking.

Anonymous Stotts Era said...
FYI, henry abbott told Ryan Russilo on the ESPN NBA podcast to have matt mchale from by the horns on to talk about pickup basketball guys. the podcast is from 2/26

Blogger Dan B. said...
Josh -- Touché.

Murcy -- Did they update the dictionary to totally and completely redefine the word "consistent?" Otherwise, my mind is blown.

Trevor Paxton -- I see. Well, if Peanuts was actually worth reading, I probably would have caught that. ;)

Anonymous StottsEra said...
also, i took a screen shot of this:

Notice the URL

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Ronnie Turiaf's final possession tonight in Miami is as opposite of clutch as Sinead O'Connor is to "tactful."

Chris, if I ever meet you in person, prepare for the best 3 seconds of manlove in your life. I bet a grand total of 6 people on this site are old enough to catch that joke. Nothing compares to you.

Dan B. I hate you. For the truth.