LeBron dislikes when the spotlight isn't on him,
and poor Yuna is concerned with what's happening in that banner
Welcome, Basketbawful's loyal readers, to an exciting emasculated AHL edition of Worst of the Night! Let's just be honest here: you're damn right I watched figure skating last night. I love me some dominating performance, just like I wish for the Knicks/Bulls/Heat super team next year. Anyways, lets get to the bawful.


That game literally no one watched: It was a sports filled night, with the TNT slate of superstar suckup, a gritty USA-CAN gold medal hockey showdown, and Yuna Kim dominating her pathetic competitors with sassy yet humble confidence. (You know you love it.). Brandon Jennings scored 9 of the 'sconsin Male Deer's 13 points in the last six minites to hold off a Pacers mini comeba-...ugh, this is just depressing to talk about.

Brandon Jennings: Speaking of The Gumby, you guys have been following this rookie's splits, right? No? Check out his monthly FG% progression: 51.6%, 42.0%, 37.6%, 32.4%, to 30.3% this month. So I guess technically his 6-18 shooting performance was an improvement.

But fear not, readers! This Yung Buck rookie Euro-trotter is figuring his stuff out. Via AP, “I’m starting to learn more as I go how to take care of the ball in late situations,” Jennings said. “Fourth quarter, with three minutes or four minutes to go, I want the ball in my hands.” The mic cut at this point, but I'm pretty sure I saw him mouth that he wants more air-fives in Andrew "20-20-5" Bogut's hands.


The Cleveland Cavaliers: Although they put up a few lazy mini-pushes here and there, mostly consisting of LeBron jacking up threes, the game was pretty much over after the 1st Quarter, where the TNT mics picking up the *word KG actually says during the game very loudly* seemed to inspire the Boston team. Sadly, I missed LeBron's missed dunk due to egregious channel surfing, but was able to catch some nameless skater biff it on a triple axle. Shaq left in the 2nd with a pulled pork sandwich significant right thumb sprain.

There's so many ways to skin this crab. The Cavs are 1-4 with Whiner "Waah I Deserve To Be An All Star" extraordinaire Mo Williams back, 1-2 since Jamison's 12 miss performance, 1-3 since the heart and soul of the team was traded, whichever.

March 21st: Speaking of trades, this would be the day Big Z can return to the Cavs. Which everyone and their mother is already talking about as an inevitability, possibly due to all sports media's contract to fellate LeBron every 49 minutes. This 30 day rule is a joke.

...

...wait what? The Cavs kept whittling away and fought back? And won by how many points? And Mo Williams played goodish? Ughhh, *KG word*-it, I'm not re-writing the above section...

The Boston Celtics: Speaking of leaving, as in leaving a 44% 3pt shooter wide open multiple times and leaving your offensive game plan to get locked down by the Cavs defence, way to score 30 to Cleveland's 58 in the 2nd half to blow the lead towards a pathetic 106-88 outcome. Now I haven't followed the Celtics as close as Bawful has, but I think they are doing someting similar to Suns style blown leads recently. Well Celtics fans, there's my inkling of sympathy for your situation. Just watching a striking contrast in effort by those Nordic Combined skiiers compared to the Celtics down the stretch could make even the least patriotic puke a little in their mouths.

But now that they actually played a not sucky opponent like the Knicks, seems like they're going to really be missing Paul Pierce. 16 4thQ points Tuesday, and 14 tonight, so I guess you could say that.

Arkansas: For losing to the LSU tigers, where former Tigers alums Big Baby and Big Geritol discussed pregame their alma matter not being winless in the SEC anymore at the Razorbacks expense. Way to fight for that dance spot.

PAC-10: Projecting just California to make it? What the hell guys.

Every skater not named Yuna Kim: You all fail. For not being Yuna. Just stop trying. This is a massacre.


The Golen State Warriors: Speaking of missing the first half of this game, maybe the high pace Warriors were too busy rooting for one of the other skating scrubs as they entered halftime behind 61-42.

...

...wait, what? They cut it to 65-56? eventually leading to a... oh they still lost. But boy, the crowd is incredible. There's no obnoxious house pop music, and you can actually feel the excitement when Curry pulled off his fakeout swoop shot, then left-handed hook in the 3rd. And when they boo, it's not shallow and angsty like Dallas or Phoenix crowds. Or maybe they're more Taco Bell'd, and just simply accept their 112-127 loss.

Says Barkley: "They're like an untalented Phoenix team". Then again, Sir Charles also claims he's leaving recreational golf for tennis. Anyways, I was curious how often the SSOL Suns gave up 127 points. Turns out, 24 times with a record of 4-20, including OT games. 18 games where 127 was reached in 4 quarters. Golden State over the same time? An uncanny 27 times with a record of 5-22. So I guess my advice to Warriors fans is, even if you end up with an All-Star loaded roster, somehow you'll still get screwed by crappy management and freak injuries.

The "Mr. Big Shot" nickname: Speaking of crappy, okay, does sinking 3s in the 3rd quarter to extend a lead still qualify you for this nickname? Ugh to everyone.

Dirk Nowitski merchandising: Oddly, this is actually pretty bawesome, in a so-far-beyond-the-donut-shaped-universe-it-circles-back-onto-itself way:



Lacktion Report: While not parsing lacktion in Element and Component scores, chris double checks that Russian judge for tonight's short program.

Chris: Before we begin tonight's ledger of lame, I would like to make a shout out to 2009's 2nd overall pick (same spot as Sam Bowie, Shawn Bradley, Stromile Swift and Darko Milicic!) Hasheem Thabeet, the HIGHEST PICKED PLAYER EVER DEMOTED TO THE D-LEAGUE.

Thabeet's career of lack (the 36th player in the Association to garner unproductivity) started on November 2nd with a 54 second Mario, followed with two more somnambulent appearances in the next four days. While he did not go completely unproductive again until February 10th, he earned 6 Voskuhls to that point.

Thabeet's fifth and final appearance in pure unproductivity so far this year was rather recent - a 59 second Mario on February 21st (which also included a +3 suck differential and a 3:0 Voskuhl, giving him a +7 suck differential total for the season). Let's hope it's not the last time his draft bust status reveals itself in the big show!

But wait...there's more - enjoy this quote of motivation and hunger from a man whose current best night in the Association totaled a mere TEN POINTS:

Me being the No. 2 pick doesn't mean I have to go and contribute right away. There's a reason they drafted me. I just have to work hard, get better and then one day be able to answer the call.

Hey, not every 2nd overall disappointment gets the opportunity to earn one more ring than John Stockton or Reggie Miller by sulking on the bench for a championship team! Of course, instead of sulking on the bench, he'd rather Tweet from the mall, so no surprise here...

UPDATE: So this is supposedly only a ten day stint in Dakota. Like ten days are needed to see how astronomically bawful this guy is? One minute perusing the lacktion report is more than enough, I say...

Bucks-Pacers: Royal Ivey may now be in southeast Wisconsin, but that doesn't mean he's abdicated from his spot on the ledger - two fouls combined with two bricks from the charity stripe led to a +4 suck differential in 5:23!

Crabs-Celtics: In 2:50 of garbage time, the senior citizens appropriately played out the ancient fariytale of The Three Lacktators - former Knickerbocker Marcus Landry bricked twice from the Custom House Tower for a +2, while Brian Scalabrine glowed in the wake of a 2.8 trillion prize, and Shelden Williams countered a steal and block with two fouls for a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dirk Nowitzki, ice skating, Indiana Pacers, manliness, Yuna Kim