Hello Basketbawful readers!

Sorry I've been a complete lazy-ass about these fantasy updates. And by 'these' I mean none at all. Things in personal life had been a-changin' and all that. The season was long, and pretty much active throughout, so I daresay it's been one of the best online leagues I've been in.

Just as a reminder, here were the original draft results, including our 11-cat scoring system with PFs and TECHs. Again, the season was awesome and it came down the the wire; down to the final categories on the final week. Let's get to the results.

Click image for big.

As predicted, Scrappy Coco and his mega team just dominated us in the regular season, Mavericks-style. What didn't go as planned was chris's team going from a predicted 2nd best to 2nd worst. All and all, the transactions throughout made the difference.

***WARNING: This is the section where I blabber on about my team***
At some point in the season, I had 5 simultaneous injured (and essentially non-droppable) players, and even picked up my team's namesake as predetermined by destiny, Hedo. In early December I was running a roster of Hedo, Fat Baron (before he realized Blake could save his career), Darko, Blatche, Bargs, Mayo (pre-stupid), and Salmons. Exchange a dropped Mayo for a non-rebounding Brook Lopez, a Sloan-killing Deron Williams, and Brandon Roy's tendons, my current team heading into the playoffs is a true Basketbawful masterpiece. Also as you can see, I was the ties master, with 7 of them in TECHs.
***END OF SELF FELATE SECTION***

Speaking of TECHs, that was by far the greatest addition made to this league. It really made the difference some weeks, and it was hilarious to see them happen. Of course the crazy trades shook things up too, and my plan to maximize quality games through the playoffs came to a crash.

Clickity for biggity.

Last note, it seemed like there were a ton more injuries this year than any other year. Pretty much every top team is dealing with some current injury issue, and the total GP of the top players has to be lower than recent years.

With that, to the playoffs we go. I invite any of our participants to share their thoughts, experiences, smack-talk, or maybe conjure ideas for a league prize. I offer my Suns Marion jersey to the winner, probably with large portions of my feces smeared on it. And hey, how did the Bawful rejects league turn out? I might just run two of these next year (with better draft planning and invites).


-AnacondaHL

Labels: fantasy sports, Hedo Turkoglu

Ready for another night of terrible games? Yeah, me neither. Let's watch embedded videos to ease the pain.

A big thank you to the guys at The Basketball Jones for sharing this clip someone submitted to them with the world. This is one of the greatest videos ever. Stan van Gundy hates Turkoglu!


Want to see the best thing Rick Reilly has done in a decade? Watch as he dunks on a Pop-a-Shot.

Something I learned today from this article on Yahoo! about bogus celebrity health tips: Alex Reid is fantastically misinformed.

One of the highlights for SAS was a tip from cage fighter Alex Reid, who told The Sun tabloid newspaper in April that he "reabsorbs" his sperm to prepare for a big fight.

"It's actually very good for a man to have unprotected sex as long as he doesn't ejaculate. Because I believe that all that semen has a lot of nutrition. A tablespoon of semen has your equivalent of steak, eggs, lemons and oranges. I am reabsorbing it into my body and it makes me go raaaaahh," he said.

Raaaaahh.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:





Nationally Televised Games:
Jazz at Clippers, NBA TV, 10:30pm: According to ESPNResearch, "NBA off to best regular season start ever. ESPN & TNT ratings up over 30% from last year." And yet thanks to college football bowl season, ESPN is not airing any Wednesday or Friday night games this week, and the only national game tonight is a goddamn Clippers game on NBA TV. Way to say "thanks fans," NBA.

All The Other Games:
Warriors at Hawks, 7pm: Golden State is on a three game winning streak. What? No. That's not possible! There must be a mistake! Oh, wait, they played the Purple Paupers, Frail Blazers, and 76ers? Nevermind.

Pacers at Wizards Generals, 7pm: Yes, Washington sucks. But Indiana has dropped 6 of their last 8, and all losses were double-digit ass-whuppins, including their most recent thrashing from a short-bench injury-riddled Celtics team. The interest level in this game is somewhere between "watching a Chia-pet grow" and "staring at the back of your eyelids."

Cavaliers at Bobcraps, 7pm: We got a dead coach bounce last game from the Bobcraps. However, consider the laws of physics. That first bounce is always the highest. It will bounce less every time. Good thing they get to take advantage of playing a woeful Cleveland team who will be happy to just get the hell out of Ohio for a few minutes.

Celtics at Pistons, 7:30pm: Some good news out of Boston.

Lakers at Hornets, 8pm: So Kobe's "pissed [mad]" at himself. Does that mean he won't take 30 bajillion bad jumpers in this game?

Nuggets at Timberwolves, 8pm: The Timberpups are riding a two game winning streak, and Carmelo won't be playing in this game. Ruh roh.

Nyets at Thunder, 8pm: The last time these two teams met, we were treated to a triple overtime finish. I really, really, really doubt that we'll see that again in this game.

Heat at Rockets, 8:30pm: Thank God Houston has a basketball team to root for, because their football team is just downright depressing.

76ers at Suns, 9pm: You can't tell me you aren't excited that Vince Carter might make his Phoenix debut in this game. Wait, strike that. You can tell me that you don't care and I'll believe you.

Grizzlies at Kings, 10pm: This game is almost as stupid as this guy.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Hedo Turkoglu, Mike D'Antoni

Constipation: It's Serious Business
Uka pointed this out in WOTN comments:

So Marc Stein is not basketbawful reader. Not surprisingly given the nature of this blog and the fact that Marc Stein is the huge NBA player ass-kisser

"Not sure if he's the first to say it, but the new nickname for Roy, Oden & Co. spotted in John Canzano's column in the Oregonian -- Frail Blazers -- rings as harsh as it is true. Just like Jail Blazers from another era to forget."

How disappointing. I don't claim that we invented the nickname, since I'm sure 800 other people have used it at some point or another (it's so obvious!). However, how can you be that out of touch, Stein? I called him out on Twitter -- we'll see if he responds.

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

"Mmm... Snuggle fresh..."

"Why did I take this job again?"

"And why did I take this job again?"

If I had to guess which game would have a picture like this...

I guess the phrase "For Nothing" is implied in that poster?

"Been awhile since I celebrated, don't remember how, gotta concentrate..."

Nationally Televised Games:
Mavericks at Heat, NBA TV, 7:30pm: Just a reminder: the last time these teams met was the "LeBron bumps into Spoelstra" game. Revenge game possibilities, anyone?

All the Other Games:
Magic at Hawks, 7pm: Hey Orlando, I'm truly sorry, but I have to say it: Ball.

Jazz at Cavaliers, 7pm: The Jazz have gotten into the "zig-zag" pattern that Vegas sharps love to bet in the playoffs. Win one, lose one. Win one, lose one. Do they not realize they have a few months to go before it's even time for the playoffs? Anyone looking for a last-minute Christmas gift for the Jazz, get them a calendar.

Hornets at Pacers, 7pm: Let's just say this game isn't giving me the itch to order NBA League Pass.

Bobcraps at Wizards Generals, 7pm: All right, Washington. You finally got rid of Gilbert Arenas' awful contract! And in return you got... Rashard Lewis' likewise awful contract and five to seven fewer points per game. Hurray? Well, less chance of gun-related arrest action, so you've got that going for you, which is nice.

Suns at Spurs, 8:30pm: When I first saw the news about the Suns/Magic trade, I was disgusted. Then the more I thought about it, I began to convince myself maybe it's not the end of the world. They're not a championship contender this year anyway. Why not get rid of Hedo and his contract for any other warm body? Plus, Pietrus's catch-and-shoot threes are a good fit and maybe he can play some defense, and Gortat could give them the inside presence they need if he can handle playing lots of minutes. And Vinsanity's an expiring contract from what I understand, so maybe that won't be too bad? Am I just delusional and lying to myself at this point?

Bucks at Frail Blazers, 10pm: We have officially reached the point where it's nearly impossible to come up with new ways to say "the Blazers are a goddamn trainwreck of injuries."

Rockets at Warriors, 10:30pm: Good news, Houston fans! The Rockets have won seven of their 10 games this month. Bad news? They're still three games under .500 at this point. If they were in the Leastern conference, that wouldn't be so bad. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Timberwolves at Clippers, 10:30pm: The Clippers have stopped being who we thought they were for a brief time, and are riding a two game winning streak. National media begins referring to them as "surging" in three... two... one...

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Hedo Turkoglu, Los Angeles Clippers, Phoenix Suns, Portland Trail Blazers

Why do pictures of Pacers fans always leave me feeling depressed?
Footbawful! Only one end zone will be used at Wrigley Field for tomorrow night's Northwestern/Illinois football game. Here are the rules that will be followed to accomodate such a ridiculous effort. Big Ten Commissioner James E. Delany explained: “Both Illinois and Northwestern did significant due diligence over the past 18 months, but after seeing the actual layout of the field, all parties felt that it was appropriate to adjust the rules to further enhance the safety of our student-athletes." Well, apparently their due diligence wasn't significant enough! What did they do? Forego actually measuring stuff out and drawing up a blueprint or a CAD model? I mean, I'm sure it was cheaper to just have some guy walk onto the field and go "yeah, this looks like it'll fit," but there's got to be a better due diligence strategy than that.
Some of the best Twitter reactions to this news:

espn_page2: This seems... less than ideal.
bruce_arthur: First rule of Northwestern-Illinois game: Nobody throw any interceptions! Second rule: Nobody fumble! Third rule: No blocked kicks! #christ
bomani_jones: so i understand: it actually took someone PUTTING THE GOALPOST ON THE BRICK WALL to see what a bad idea this was?
bomani_jones: i also imagine that field, someone making a horrified face, and an engineer saying, "wait, you don't like it?"
espn_page2: Maybe Northwestern-Illinois can be like old-school video games, where when a player intercepts a pass, the whole field spins around.
HardyVision: Big deal, Ron Zook's played plenty of games where there only was scoring in 1 endzone...

Of course, this isn't the only epic fail seen this week in Chicago. Behold:



Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"I really missed seeing you go 0-for-8 from the field, Hedo!""Ball."

You already saw this picture like eighty times in the WOTN comic, but damnit, it's worth seeing againAlso, we really need to start a pool on "When will VDN be fired?"

Aww man, why did I have to go and waste my Saturday Night Fever reference on last night's post?

Demoralizing.

The rest of the Suns were taking it from behind last night, might as well do it to Josh Childress as well

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Thunder at Celtics, ESPN, 7pm: Per Lisa Salters: "Kevin Durant tells me he is 50-50 for tonite. Turned his left ankle WED v. Houston. MRI yesterday negative." And suddenly this game threatened to become 800% less interesting.

Bulls at Mavericks, ESPN, 9:30pm: The Circus Trip continues! You know you want to watch.

All The Other Friday Games:
Bucks at 76ers, 7pm: This game on the other hand... you know you don't want to watch.

Grizzlies at Wizards Generals, 7pm: John Wall's ankle can't heal fast enough for the poor Generals. You never want Gilbert Arenas leading you into battle.

Rockets at Craptors, 7pm: Speaking of injuries, it sounds like Yao Ming will be out at least another two weeks. So that means it'll be three weeks until he begins his next stint on the injured list.

Bobcraps at Heat, 7:30pm: From what I gather, the Heat will need the guys at The Basketball Jones to make a smack video about Chris Bosh every gameday to motivate him. Good luck with that.

Cavaliers at Hornets, 8pm: Food for thought: the Cavaliers bench has been leading the league in bench scoring at 44 ppg. Maybe all the stuff about LeBron never having a good supporting cast was just a tiny bit overblown?

Lakers at Timberwolves, 8pm: And thus ends the miraculous two-game stretch of Darko not playing like Darko.

Spurs at Jazz, 9pm: Anyone else excited to see Tony Parker the next few games? I'm going to keep an eye out for pictures of him trying to seduce women in the stands, particularly in the wives and girlfriends section.

Nyets at Kings, 10pm: The Nyets' defense has been surprisingly good. Unfortunately, their offense is offensively horrible. They must be overjoyed to get a chance to play against the Purple Paupers to help turn things around!

Bricks at Warriors, 10:30pm: _efense! (clap clap) _efense! (clap clap) Also, this video cracks me the hell up.


* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Mavericks at Hawks, NBA TV, 8pm: Interesting stats... Dallas is not a terribly high scoring offense (23rd in the league at 97.3PPG), but they are 6th in the league in assists (22.7 APG). By the numbers, that is efficient, quality ball movement. However, I haven't actually sat down and watched a Mavs game yet this year. Can anyone confirm?

All The Other Saturday Games:
Magic at Pacers, 7pm: Well, at least we have an entertaining coach to make this game interesting. (Thank you, Stan Van Gundy) Speaking of entertaining coaches, why was I unaware of this coach until after he retired? This guy is awesome:
(via Deadspin)
Suns at Bobcraps, 7pm: Oh please please please tell me Nash will be healthy for this game. I don't think I could stand another embarrassing loss right now.

Heat at Grizzlies, 8pm: Do people in Tennessee really even care about the Grizzlies? (I suppose I could drive the 4 hours to Memphis to find out, but why???) College sports are huge in this general area, however, so I assume this would be of bigger news to Tennessee basketball fans: Bruce Pearl has been suspended for the first 8 SEC games of Tennessee's season. All because he had some kid over for a barbeque. (Gross oversimplifcation, but just go with it) All I can say is that better damn well have been one awesome barbeque. If they smoked some ribs and a whole pork shoulder or something, it's totally worth it.

Thunder at Bucks, 8:30pm: Good time for the Bucks to catch the Thunder. They'll be on the second night of a back-to-back (both road games) after a game against the Celtics, not to mention Durant isn't 100%. If they have anything resembling offense, now would be a good time to prove it.

Cavaliers at Spurs, 8:30pm: Cleveland is pretty awful at rebounding at the moment (28th in the NBA). Have fun, Tim Duncan, DeJuan Blair, and Antonio McDyess!

Nyets at Nuggets, 9pm: Anyone else just not that interested in seeing Melo go through the motions like a prostitute on her fourth john of the day?

Jazz at Frail Blazers, 10pm: Just FYI Jazz fans, Baron Davis has got this shit under control. Great scott!

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Hornets at Kings, NBA TV, 6pm: According to Bill Simmons, "...I never realized how much Cousins would struggle to stay on the court. Through nine games: 196 minutes, 40 fouls. That's 9.8 fouls per 48 minutes, which (if it held) would be the highest number for anyone averaging 16-plus minutes since Danny Fortson's legendary 12.0 in 2005." Greg Oden might be hurt, but his foul-the-bejesus-out-of-everyone spirit lives on.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Celtics at Craptors, 1pm: Rondo's going to be handing out more dimes than the people passing by the Salvation Army bucket going into the grocery store.

Wizards Generals at Pistons, 6pm: Just go Google Image Search "facepalm" and save me the trouble.

Warriors at Lakers, 9:30pm: While I am pleasantly surprised to see the Warriors are actually halfway good this year, I have to admit... it's really a bummer to go through the game pictures each day and not have guaranteed comedy from pictures of Don Nelson coaching.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Footbawful, Hedo Turkoglu, Indiana Pacers, Vinny Del Negro

Basketbawful reader Dave R. sent in this steamy pic of Boston's Stephon Marbury and Eddie House, um, celebrating a successful play during Game 5 of the Magic-Celtics series...while Big Baby provides the obligatory high five/fist bump.


Note Eddie's ecstasy and Hedo Turkoglu's agony. Poor Hedo must have felt left out. No matter. Based on this pic sent in by Dan B., Hedo got his -- and then some -- in Game 6. And based on his "That ain't right!" expression, Rashard Lewis apparently didn't appreciate it.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Eddie House, fan submissions, Hedo Turkoglu, man love, Orlando Magic, Rashard Lewis, Stephon Marbury

Hey folks. Just checking in. Doctor Fingerprobenscheiter has given me one hour out of the straightjacket for "sorta okay behavior," and I bribed one of the orderlies to let me access the Internet. For the record, it's amazing what a pack of smokes, a handful of belly lint, and a baggie full of eyebrow hair will get you in this place...

Anyway, here's some extra special man love starring teammates-turned-enemies (for the purposes of Olympic competition) Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu. Basketbawful reader Mintz first brought this to my attention, and elhans sent in the link.


Also, I promise that the rest of the Worsties are coming. Oh, and thanks to Evil Ted for thoughtfully filling in for me.

Labels: Dwight Howard, fan submissions, Hedo Turkoglu, man love

Hedo Turkoglu cordially invites you to visit Peja Stojakovic's man region, and Peja's welcoming expression seems to say: "Go to that fertile land of gentle breezes where the peaceful waters flow." Or something. Thanks to Ben Q. Rock of the Third Quarter Collapse for the keeping a keen eye on the NBA's foreign groins.


Go here for a larger verson. You know, in case you want to get a better look at Peja's stretching technique.

Labels: fan submissions, Hedo Turkoglu, man love, Peja Stojakovic

Here's an early-morning dose of soul-soothing man love via Matt from Hardwood Paroxysm. Hopefully, it'll curb your Basketbawful craving until we publish the Powerless Rankings later today.

Two observations: 1. Timmy totally hearts Turkoglu. 2. I think that's Duncan's O-face -- rarer even than Bigfoot's power scepter -- captured on film for perhaps the first time. Also, is it just me or does it look like Hedo's left hand is doing something decidedly naughty? If so, that's definitely Tim's O-face. Why else would Mr. Stone Face finally crack a smile?


Anti-man love sentiment from Blogger.com? The following commentary and image were provided by Basketbawful reader Sun Devil: "The man love feature seems to have upset the blogspot Gods. Check out my word verification.


Sorry, blogspot Gods. You can't stop our man love. Nothing can. It's here to stay.

Labels: fan submissions, Hedo Turkoglu, man love, Tim Duncan