The first pilot season of the Basketbawful Fantasy League has begun! Sorry for jumping intbetween the Division previews, but the results had to be posted somewhere, and I was too lazy to finish them until yesterday. As a note, we agreed to expand our league to 11 categories, including PFs and TECHs. For bonus hilarious effect, but probably more out of general apathy, 6 managers let Autopick decide their fate.

Team NameManager
AHL's Hedo Nightmareanacondahl
Black Belt In CrottyDemonMittenHands
Colostomy BagsFernando
Epitome of Sadnessbroc w
Free Mario!Will
Oliver Thrillerspacejung
Purple PaupersChris Sampang
Rondo's Jump Shotsosdognoff
Scrappy CocoJobert
Stockton to OstertagFat Bob
Tony Danza's BoshmenEvan
Zombie KY ColonelsDan B

Black Belt in Crotty, Epitome of Sadness, Purple Paupers (chris!), Scrappy Coco, Stockton to Ostertag, and Zombie KY Colonels (Dan B!) all couldn't make it. I'll highlight in red picks I thought were reachescrappy, and highlight in green picks I thought were stealspicks I was jealous of or wanted for myself.

Round 1
1.Kevin Durant (OKC - SF)Colostomy Bags
2.Chris Paul (NO - PG)Purple Paupers
3.Derrick Rose (Chi - PG)Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.Dirk Nowitzki (Dal - PF)Black Belt In Crotty
5.LeBron James (Mia - SF)Scrappy Coco
6.Dwyane Wade (Mia - PG,SG)Rondo's Jump Shot
7.Kobe Bryant (LAL - SG)Zombie KY Colonels
8.Stephen Curry (GS - PG)Stockton to Ostertag
9.Pau Gasol (LAL - PF,C)Oliver Thriller
10.Danny Granger (Ind - SF,PF)Epitome of Sadness
11.Deron Williams (Uta - PG)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.David Lee (GS - PF,C)Free Mario!

Only one major surprise here, which is obviously Rose at the 3rd pick. I thought it was an Autopick error, but in hindsight, it started a trend which will become clear shortly. LeBron dropping to 5 despite his absurdly low PFs and all around game was the steal of the round. And personally I don't like seeing Danny Granger fall this low, but lots of opinions vary on that.

Round 2
1.Rajon Rondo (Bos - PG)Free Mario!
2.Brook Lopez (NJ - C)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.Chris Bosh (Mia - PF,C)Epitome of Sadness
4.Steve Nash (Pho - PG)Oliver Thriller
5.Amar'e Stoudemire (NY - PF,C)Stockton to Ostertag
6.Dwight Howard (Orl - C)Zombie KY Colonels
7.Gerald Wallace (Cha - SF,PF)Rondo's Jump Shot
8.Josh Smith (Atl - PF)Scrappy Coco
9.Tyreke Evans (Sac - PG,SG)Black Belt In Crotty
10.Carmelo Anthony (Den - SF)Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.Jason Kidd (Dal - PG)Purple Paupers
12.Al Jefferson (Uta - PF,C)Colostomy Bags

I didn't like Bosh this early, but maybe his low PFs and all around numbers explain the pick. Dwight Howard Autopicked here is awful, and will be killer in FT%, TO, PF, and TECH. Tyreke this early is not only awful Kahn-style Autopicking (vacuuming up PGs), but didn't even give chris a chance to draft his team's rising young star! Again, Scrappy Coco with the steal, somehow getting an incredible FT punting team started.

Round 3
1.Joe Johnson (Atl - SG,SF)Colostomy Bags
2.Chauncey Billups (Den - PG)Purple Paupers
3.Andre Iguodala (Phi - SG,SF)Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.Russell Westbrook (OKC - PG)Black Belt In Crotty
5.Al Horford (Atl - PF,C)Scrappy Coco
6.Kevin Love (Min - PF,C)Rondo's Jump Shot
7.John Wall (Was - PG)Zombie KY Colonels
8.Brandon Roy (Por - SG,SF)Stockton to Ostertag
9.Tim Duncan (SA - PF,C)Oliver Thriller
10.Monta Ellis (GS - PG,SG)Epitome of Sadness
11.Andrea Bargnani (Tor - PF,C)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.David West (NO - PF)Free Mario!

Danza rebounds with a mini steal, followed by a stream of more Kahn Autopicks. I don't like Westbrook or Wall this high, and Rondo's Jump Shot's decision to reach for Love was curious. He got Z-Bo in the next round anyways, but still that could have been a better pick, if only for Free Mario to have the Gay-Love combo.

Round 4
1.Rudy Gay (Mem - SF,PF)Free Mario!
2.Danilo Gallinari (NY - SF)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.Nene Hilario (Den - PF,C)Epitome of Sadness
4.Andrew Bogut (Mil - C)Oliver Thriller
5.Manu Ginobili (SA - SG)Stockton to Ostertag
6.DeMarcus Cousins (Sac - PF,C)Zombie KY Colonels
7.Zach Randolph (Mem - PF,C)Rondo's Jump Shot
8.Paul Pierce (Bos - SG,SF)Scrappy Coco
9.LaMarcus Aldridge (Por - PF,C)Black Belt In Crotty
10.Joakim Noah (Chi - PF,C)Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.Marc Gasol (Mem - C)Purple Paupers
12.Stephen Jackson (Cha - SG,SF)Colostomy Bags

"Fuck it, I'm taking the Italians." Also, we're lucky Autopick sucks, as Scrappy passed on Marc Gasol for a pretty damn ultimate FT punt team. Bogut was a little early too, as you can see in the next round, drafting injurious big men was apparently Oliver Thriller's gameplan. Dan B gets the rookie shaft again.

Round 5
1.Blake Griffin (LAC - PF)Colostomy Bags
2.Darren Collison (Ind - PG)Purple Paupers
3.Carlos Boozer (Chi - PF,C)Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.Mo Williams (Cle - PG)Black Belt In Crotty
5.Marcus Camby (Por - PF,C)Scrappy Coco
6.Jason Richardson (Pho - SG,SF)Rondo's Jump Shot
7.Kevin Martin (Hou - SG)Zombie KY Colonels
8.Troy Murphy (NJ - PF,C)Stockton to Ostertag
9.Andrew Bynum (LAL - C)Oliver Thriller
10.Aaron Brooks (Hou - PG)Epitome of Sadness
11.Andray Blatche (Was - PF,C)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.Devin Harris (NJ - PG)Free Mario!

Way too early for Griffin. I dunno if this was the right round to be reaching for injured stars to help the March/April games, so I'm just going to label them all red and let Lady Luck sort it out.

Round 6
1.Chris Kaman (LAC - C)Free Mario!
2.Channing Frye (Pho - PF,C)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.Antawn Jamison (Cle - SF,PF)Epitome of Sadness
4.Yao Ming (Hou - C)Oliver Thriller
5.Raymond Felton (NY - PG,SG)Stockton to Ostertag
6.Hedo Turkoglu (Pho - SG,SF)Zombie KY Colonels
7.Kevin Garnett (Bos - PF)Rondo's Jump Shot
8.Baron Davis (LAC - PG)Scrappy Coco
9.Luis Scola (Hou - PF,C)Black Belt In Crotty
10.Ray Allen (Bos - SG)Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.Jeff Green (OKC - SF,PF)Purple Paupers
12.Jason Terry (Dal - PG,SG)Colostomy Bags

I let the clock run down to 5 seconds or less on this one, as the crowd was egging me on to actually take Hedo, and I was considering it after Aaron Brooks was heartlessly stolen right before me. But alas, I chose my Arizona alum instead, drawing sighs of "ohh, so close!". I was considering grabbing Jeff Green this round too, and seeing him drop all the way to 11th pick was bittersweet. Another injurous center for Oliver Thriller, and honestly look at poor Dan B's team now.

Round 7
1.Jamal Crawford (Atl - PG,SG)Colostomy Bags
2.Anthony Randolph (NY - PF,C)Purple Paupers
3.Luol Deng (Chi - SF)Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.Andrei Kirilenko (Uta - SF,PF)Black Belt In Crotty
5.Paul Millsap (Uta - PF)Scrappy Coco
6.Marcus Thornton (NO - SG)Rondo's Jump Shot
7.John Salmons (Mil - SG,SF)Zombie KY Colonels
8.Gilbert Arenas (Was - PG,SG)Stockton to Ostertag
9.Anderson Varejao (Cle - PF,C)Oliver Thriller
10.Trevor Ariza (NO - SG,SF)Epitome of Sadness
11.O.J. Mayo (Mem - SG)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.Brandon Jennings (Mil - PG)Free Mario!

Lou Wolding goes either way too early or way too late, whether you believe the hype of his 3-pt shot with his much improved teammates. As for me, I totally biff the pick, getting lured by the "best available" scent, but completely useless player for my team strategy. Pretty sad that I was even willing to take Ariza here.

Round 8
1.Eric Gordon (LAC - SG)Free Mario!
2.Caron Butler (Dal - SG,SF)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.Rashard Lewis (Orl - SF,PF)Epitome of Sadness
4.Shawn Marion (Dal - SF,PF)Oliver Thriller
5.Jrue Holiday (Phi - PG)Stockton to Ostertag
6.Corey Maggette (Mil - SF,PF)Zombie KY Colonels
7.J.J. Hickson (Cle - PF,C)Rondo's Jump Shot
8.Samuel Dalembert (Sac - C)Scrappy Coco
9.Greg Oden (Por - C)Black Belt In Crotty
10.Vince Carter (Orl - SG,SF)Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.Roy Hibbert (Ind - C)Purple Paupers
12.Elton Brand (Phi - PF,C)Colostomy Bags

Another biff. I really needed a backup point guard, and having forgot Jrue Holiday I went with the stack on 3pt and PTS. I mean, aside from that, look at everyone else drafted this round. Ugh. I'm just going to give every non-Hibbert Center a red tag because I'm more likely to be right than wrong. Vince gets a special purple tag because he's still a raptor in my heart. And also we just need to all watch this again, thank you Dan B.

Round 9
1.Drew Gooden (Mil - PF,C)Colostomy Bags
2.Tyrus Thomas (Cha - PF)Purple Paupers
3.Andris Biedrins (GS - C)Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.Jameer Nelson (Orl - PG)Black Belt In Crotty
5.Carl Landry (Sac - SF,PF)Scrappy Coco
6.JaVale McGee (Was - PF,C)Rondo's Jump Shot
7.Robin Lopez (Pho - PF,C)Zombie KY Colonels
8.Lamar Odom (LAL - SF,PF)Stockton to Ostertag
9.Louis Williams (Phi - PG,SG)Oliver Thriller
10.Emeka Okafor (NO - C)Epitome of Sadness
11.Anthony Morrow (NJ - SG,SF)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.Mehmet Okur (Uta - C)Free Mario!

And there goes Lou right before my eyes. Here's hoping Morrow can up his steals totals this season! Maybe Okur could have fit my team better...

Round 10
1.Al Harrington (Den - PF,C)Free Mario!
2.Nicolas Batum (Por - SG,SF)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.Michael Beasley (Min - PF)Epitome of Sadness
4.Dorell Wright (GS - SG,SF)Oliver Thriller
5.Mike Miller (Mia - SG,SF)Stockton to Ostertag
6.J.R. Smith (Den - SG,SF)Zombie KY Colonels
7.Andre Miller (Por - PG)Rondo's Jump Shot
8.Tony Parker (SA - PG)Scrappy Coco
9.Ben Gordon (Det - SG)Black Belt In Crotty
10.Brendan Haywood (Dal - C)Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.Rodney Stuckey (Det - PG,SG)Purple Paupers
12.Jarrett Jack (Tor - PG,SG)Colostomy Bags

I got a lot of praise for snagging Batum this freaking late (110), I mean after all he's projected with a 2.8 V12 in SCHOENE, ranking him 42. Otherwise, this is getting pretty grim pretty quickly.

Round 11
1.Evan Turner (Phi - SG,SF)Colostomy Bags
2.Mike Conley (Mem - PG)Purple Paupers
3.Taj Gibson (Chi - PF)Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.Ron Artest (LAL - SG,SF)Black Belt In Crotty
5.Beno Udrih (Sac - PG)Scrappy Coco
6.Leandro Barbosa (Tor - PG,SG)Rondo's Jump Shot
7.Boris Diaw (Cha - SF,PF)Zombie KY Colonels
8.Reggie Williams (GS - SG,SF)Stockton to Ostertag
9.Jamario Moon (Cle - SF)Oliver Thriller
10.Jose Calderon (Tor - PG)Epitome of Sadness
11.Amir Johnson (Tor - PF)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.George Hill (SA - PG,SG)Free Mario!

Yes, I was even waiting on Jose Calderon. Somehow Reggie Williams is stolen from me in every draft. I think too many people know how to sort by per-minute production. Evan Turner isn't even worth drafting, with his disappointing pre-season showing. I'm going to give myself a pat for stealing Amir "the replacement Bosh" Johnson, but I think he might single-handidly sink my PF category. Boris Diaw gets an F for Fat.

Round 12
1.DeMar DeRozan (Tor - SG,SF)Free Mario!
2.Wilson Chandler (NY - SF,PF)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.Thaddeus Young (Phi - SF,PF)Epitome of Sadness
4.Rodrigue Beaubois (Dal - PG,SG)Oliver Thriller
5.Terrence Williams (NJ - SG,SF)Stockton to Ostertag
6.Tiago Splitter (SA - SF,PF,C)Zombie KY Colonels
7.Linas Kleiza (Tor - SG,SF)Rondo's Jump Shot
8.D.J. Augustin (Cha - PG)Scrappy Coco
9.Brad Miller (Hou - C)Black Belt In Crotty
10.Chris Andersen (Den - PF,C)Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.Luke Ridnour (Min - PG)Purple Paupers
12.Jason Thompson (Sac - PF,C)Colostomy Bags

As a recipient of the YES network on my standard cable, I can guarantee that Terrence Williams is straight up both awful in real life and fantasy. However, Wilson Chandler, while pretty horrible in person, is actually a quietly good defensive stats contributor, so I shall toot my own horn. My quest towards the punt assist team turned out pretty successful, despite starting with Deron Williams.

Round 13
1.Derrick Favors (NJ - PF)Colostomy Bags
2.Wesley Johnson (Min - SF)Purple Paupers
3.Grant Hill (Pho - SG,SF)Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.Hakim Warrick (Pho - SF,PF)Black Belt In Crotty
5.Shane Battier (Hou - SF)Scrappy Coco
6.Omri Casspi (Sac - SG,SF)Rondo's Jump Shot
7.Darko Milicic (Min - PF,C)Zombie KY Colonels
8.Serge Ibaka (OKC - C)Stockton to Ostertag
9.Ronnie Brewer (Chi - SG,SF)Oliver Thriller
10.Charlie Villanueva (Det - PF)Epitome of Sadness
11.Mike Bibby (Atl - PG)AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.Tracy McGrady (Det - SG,SF)Free Mario!

This was the greatest draft round in the history of draft rounds. Just look at that Basketbawful masterpiece. We were all rooting for Free Mario to make an epic draft pick and boy did he deliver beautifully. I'm so proud of you guys.

- AnacondaHL

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Blogger Dan B. said...
I can guarantee that Terrence Williams is straight up both awful in real life and fantasy.

After watching him play college ball... yes. He is garbage.

This is the first fantasy sports team I've ever managed, and considering 1) I know nothing of advanced stats in basketball, which is probably important for fantasy games, 2) I honestly don't know how fantasy basketball games are won or lost, what stat categories are important, etc. 3) I wasn't able to make it for the draft, I knew I was probably hosed no matter what. So I decided to take risks. (I am so screwed...)

-Kobe? Whatever.
-I'm hoping that Dwight Howard finally learned how to play offense during the off-season, though it's not likely. Will his blocks and rebounds help me all that much?
-Wall's numbers might be awful or might be great, but he's so much fun to watch it's worth it to have him on my team.
-Cousins is a gamble, but dude's game is perfectly built for the NBA provided he doesn't lose his shit and get suspended for some reason.
-Kevin Martin will probably make me want to bang my head against the wall.
-Hedo Turkododo? Here's to hoping Steve Nash magically transforms him into something resemblig a professional basketball player. (Ball.)
-John Salmons? Ugh.
-Bad Porn Maggette? I could have sworn I put him on my Exclude list...
-Robin Lopez might be good.
-JR Smith is a headcase.
-Boris Diaw? Son of a bitch.
-Tiago Splitter? I have no idea who that guy is, but apparently he might not suck, so woo.
-And finally... Darko. Oh yes. There's no way I can't succeed with the Human Victory Cigar on my team, right?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Dan B - I did a team analysis for each of our teams, and you could win blocks every week except agains 2-3 other teams, and more than half the time win in Points and FG%, but other than that your team is stunningly awful.

Speaking of the team analysis, Scrappy Coco turned out with the best projected team, which is horrifying to think it could have been even better. If he gets a trade for a late round scorer and turns Paul Pierce into another 3pt/FT% punt guy, Scrappy Coco runs away with the title.

2nd best? It might be chris's Kahn Autopick team. Great steal picks, and if he can pickup some more 3pt, reb, and pts (punting FG% and pending Wesley Johnson's performance), he's well rounded in the other 7 categories.

3rd is a near-tie between Stockton to Ostertag, Epitome of Sadness, and my team. Somehow, I ended up with a low TOV team, which isn't really my style, but alas, let the game begin

Anonymous Epitome of Sadness said...
I preranked my players, and was actually pretty happy with my results. Looks like I have just one zombie sonic, Rashard Lewis.

I ranked Bosh high because I honestly think his stats will go up this year instead of down. That could end up biting me in the ass, though...

Anonymous Epitome of Sadness said...
is the team draft analysis something that yahoo fantasy sports does automatically? or is this your own analysis? If you made your own analysis, you should do another blog entry on it!

Blogger chris said...
The fact that my Purple Paupers had a good draft...I am significantly more confused.


Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- So what am I going to be killed in? I don't understand how we even determine who wins/loses. Are different categories weighted higher than others or something? I am extremely confused by fantasy sports in general and normally avoid them.

Blogger Evan Sather said...
(ALMOST) ALL BULLS ALL THE TIME! I can't wait to see how (badly) my Boshmen managed by Tony Danza do this season.

Blogger Brandon said...
Blake Griffin is a beast, and he's averaging a double-double this season. Poor free-throw percentage, sure, but the rest of his game is amazing.

I don't see him going in Round 5 as a major reach at all. I wish I'd taken him in my draft at a higher spot.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Epitome - It's my own analysis. It's too unrefined, and I'm using it right now in the league, so I don't think it's worthy of a post just yet.

Dan B - This is 11 category Head-2-Head, so each week you collect stats and compare them to someone else's team. If you win more categories than the other person, you win the week. On the main league page, click on "Head-to-Head stats" to get an idea of what's being looked at.

Brandon - There's still plenty of proven guys on the board in round 5. Besides, his team had Kevin Durant, and he'd already drafted PF/Cs. Not to mention the injury potential, but Round 5 was filled with injury prone guys anyways.

Blogger Knockitdownagain said...
Well, I'll be dammed, somebody chose Kobe "Shotjacker" Bryant before Pau Gasol, you are aware that Pau had the higher PER last season in spite of Kobe taking more than twice as many shots?


The Suns entire starting unit got drafted, and a bench player, wow.

Personally I would have grabbed Joel Przybilla at some point, he's probably going to start for the Blazers all season, the worst manager should need to get a tattoo of Greg Oden's knees

Anonymous Reignman said...
How can Lebron -despite his blood pact with Satan which automatically sends the soul of whoever drafts him to the 9th level of Hell- drop to 5th pick overall?

BTW, I'm in the Basketbawful Leftovers Fantasy League, we're going really bawful, this is my team, Overpaid Scrubs:
-Steve Blake
-Jordan Farmar
-Jason Williams
-J.R. Smith
-Ron Artest
-Matt Barnes
-Michael Beasley
-Amir Johnson
-DeMarcus Cousins
-Kenyon Martin

My team is more than just bawful, it's almost...evil

should be a fun season

Blogger Sos said...
Nice work Anaconda, As the GM of Rondo Jump Shot, my only regret is that I didn't punt on fts. Oh well. Despite only having one PG on my roster (andre miller) I am confident and look forward to whooping the competition. And while the auto drafters didn't add to the reparte on Saturday, they did speed things up!

Blogger Michael Hsu said...
I'm surprised Anal Rampage was used as a tag before.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Apostrophe gets outrebounded by Jordan Farmar. Twice.

Anonymous Free Mario! said...
1.I was feeling a little pressure trying for that epic last pick. As I was scrolling through the available players, a beacon shone out to me. His name: Knee-Mac. It was like destiny that we were to be together. I am very glad that that selection inspired its own tag. (If I had the time though, I would have gone with my namesake. He was just too hard to find in the time.)
2. I find it fitting that all my picks received the blue font, because I was very ambivalent about my draft.
3. If any of you out there are sick and tired of bipartisan politics, join me in this party (this site is for real)

Anonymous Scrappy Coco said...
Sorry couldn't make the draft. I was so wasted I didn't wake up in time for the draft.

AnacondaHL, well, my team's good at paper. Let's how well they'll show up when the league starts. LeBron might get some sort of "crab" on his hammy again.

That last round is really bawful at its finest!! Great work guys!

Anonymous Nick said...
I am deeply disappointed in this draft! I thought you were going totally bawful!
I have to post the draf of the Basketbawful Leftovers League tomorrow!

Anonymous dave m said...
Reignman - hey, basketball's entertainment and your Overpaid Scrubs is by far the most apt to raise havoc. Brilliant picks.

Blogger Clifton said...
Oliver Thriller... roflsaurus rex.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just thought I'd leave this message to say that Wilson Chandler doesn't belong on any fantasy team. I think Terrence Williams will out stat him this year... And he only barely belongs on a fantasy bench atm!

Blogger Japes said...
People actually signed up for the league and didn't make it to the draft? That's like half the fun!

Anonymous Barry said...
I was hoping for that Omri pick in the 6th round chris! As a consolation, you have to re-post the Toronto Mascot video!

Don't get me started on my Bawful Leftovers team, I missed the draft and now I'm basically useless in that league.

Blogger demonmittenhands said...
I (Black Belt in Crotty) was absolutely there! I can't justify half of my picks in hindsight, but I certainly was the one making them.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
You were?!?! I coulda sworn Tyreke that early could have only happened via Kahn Autopick! Not to mention the rest of the injury-prone and headcases! SMH

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Yea, next time I will send out invitations the day of the draft so all 12 show up.

And Wilson Chandler is good production across the board with good percentages late in the draft. Fits most draft strategies.

Anonymous Epitome of Sadness said...
I don't think reminders/invitations were the problem. You just scheduled the draft on a Saturday night. Most people probably had plans already (I did).

Blogger Dan B. said...
Yeah, I bowl every Saturday evening in league. There's no way I could have made the draft then. But I also bowl in leagues on other nights, work in the daytime, go out in the evenings... It's just hard to get everyone together for a draft.

Blogger Michael Hsu said...
I find that Monday night generally has the most available people for anything.

Blogger Sos said...
I love that the Bawful league had GMs miss the draft due to 1) bowling, 2) drunkenness, and 3) social life.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bargnani in the 3rd round? I think you could have taken him later that

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Anon - It was late in the 3rd (35 overall), so I think it was a good enough bargain (Bargs' ADP is 34.0 anyways).

Blogger Mike said...
Hey you should start posting again.
I just started my own fantasy sports blog.