Footbawful! Only one end zone will be used at Wrigley Field for tomorrow night's Northwestern/Illinois football game. Here are the rules that will be followed to accomodate such a ridiculous effort. Big Ten Commissioner James E. Delany explained: “Both Illinois and Northwestern did significant due diligence over the past 18 months, but after seeing the actual layout of the field, all parties felt that it was appropriate to adjust the rules to further enhance the safety of our student-athletes." Well, apparently their due diligence wasn't significant enough! What did they do? Forego actually measuring stuff out and drawing up a blueprint or a CAD model? I mean, I'm sure it was cheaper to just have some guy walk onto the field and go "yeah, this looks like it'll fit," but there's got to be a better due diligence strategy than that.
Some of the best Twitter reactions to this news:
espn_page2: This seems... less than ideal.
bruce_arthur: First rule of Northwestern-Illinois game: Nobody throw any interceptions! Second rule: Nobody fumble! Third rule: No blocked kicks! #christ
bomani_jones: so i understand: it actually took someone PUTTING THE GOALPOST ON THE BRICK WALL to see what a bad idea this was?
bomani_jones: i also imagine that field, someone making a horrified face, and an engineer saying, "wait, you don't like it?"
espn_page2: Maybe Northwestern-Illinois can be like old-school video games, where when a player intercepts a pass, the whole field spins around.
HardyVision: Big deal, Ron Zook's played plenty of games where there only was scoring in 1 endzone...
Of course, this isn't the only epic fail seen this week in Chicago. Behold:
Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Thunder at Celtics, ESPN, 7pm: Per Lisa Salters: "Kevin Durant tells me he is 50-50 for tonite. Turned his left ankle WED v. Houston. MRI yesterday negative." And suddenly this game threatened to become 800% less interesting.
Bulls at Mavericks, ESPN, 9:30pm: The Circus Trip continues! You know you want to watch.
All The Other Friday Games:
Bucks at 76ers, 7pm: This game on the other hand... you know you don't want to watch.
Grizzlies at
Rockets at Craptors, 7pm: Speaking of injuries, it sounds like Yao Ming will be out at least another two weeks. So that means it'll be three weeks until he begins his next stint on the injured list.
Bobcraps at Heat, 7:30pm: From what I gather, the Heat will need the guys at The Basketball Jones to make a smack video about Chris Bosh every gameday to motivate him. Good luck with that.
Cavaliers at Hornets, 8pm: Food for thought: the Cavaliers bench has been leading the league in bench scoring at 44 ppg. Maybe all the stuff about LeBron never having a good supporting cast was just a tiny bit overblown?
Lakers at Timberwolves, 8pm: And thus ends the miraculous two-game stretch of Darko not playing like Darko.
Spurs at Jazz, 9pm: Anyone else excited to see Tony Parker the next few games? I'm going to keep an eye out for pictures of him trying to seduce women in the stands, particularly in the wives and girlfriends section.
Nyets at Kings, 10pm: The Nyets' defense has been surprisingly good. Unfortunately, their offense is offensively horrible. They must be overjoyed to get a chance to play against the Purple Paupers to help turn things around!
Bricks at Warriors, 10:30pm: _efense! (clap clap) _efense! (clap clap) Also, this video cracks me the hell up.
* * *
Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Mavericks at Hawks, NBA TV, 8pm: Interesting stats... Dallas is not a terribly high scoring offense (23rd in the league at 97.3PPG), but they are 6th in the league in assists (22.7 APG). By the numbers, that is efficient, quality ball movement. However, I haven't actually sat down and watched a Mavs game yet this year. Can anyone confirm?
All The Other Saturday Games:
Magic at Pacers, 7pm: Well, at least we have an entertaining coach to make this game interesting. (Thank you, Stan Van Gundy) Speaking of entertaining coaches, why was I unaware of this coach until after he retired? This guy is awesome:
Suns at Bobcraps, 7pm: Oh please please please tell me Nash will be healthy for this game. I don't think I could stand another embarrassing loss right now.
Heat at Grizzlies, 8pm: Do people in Tennessee really even care about the Grizzlies? (I suppose I could drive the 4 hours to Memphis to find out, but why???) College sports are huge in this general area, however, so I assume this would be of bigger news to Tennessee basketball fans: Bruce Pearl has been suspended for the first 8 SEC games of Tennessee's season. All because he had some kid over for a barbeque. (Gross oversimplifcation, but just go with it) All I can say is that better damn well have been one awesome barbeque. If they smoked some ribs and a whole pork shoulder or something, it's totally worth it.
Thunder at Bucks, 8:30pm: Good time for the Bucks to catch the Thunder. They'll be on the second night of a back-to-back (both road games) after a game against the Celtics, not to mention Durant isn't 100%. If they have anything resembling offense, now would be a good time to prove it.
Cavaliers at Spurs, 8:30pm: Cleveland is pretty awful at rebounding at the moment (28th in the NBA). Have fun, Tim Duncan, DeJuan Blair, and Antonio McDyess!
Nyets at Nuggets, 9pm: Anyone else just not that interested in seeing Melo go through the motions like a prostitute on her fourth john of the day?
Jazz at Frail Blazers, 10pm: Just FYI Jazz fans, Baron Davis has got this shit under control. Great scott!
* * *
Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Hornets at Kings, NBA TV, 6pm: According to Bill Simmons, "...I never realized how much Cousins would struggle to stay on the court. Through nine games: 196 minutes, 40 fouls. That's 9.8 fouls per 48 minutes, which (if it held) would be the highest number for anyone averaging 16-plus minutes since Danny Fortson's legendary 12.0 in 2005." Greg Oden might be hurt, but his foul-the-bejesus-out-of-everyone spirit lives on.
All The Other Sunday Games:
Celtics at Craptors, 1pm: Rondo's going to be handing out more dimes than the people passing by the Salvation Army bucket going into the grocery store.
Warriors at Lakers, 9:30pm: While I am pleasantly surprised to see the Warriors are actually halfway good this year, I have to admit... it's really a bummer to go through the game pictures each day and not have guaranteed comedy from pictures of Don Nelson coaching.
Labels: Bawful After Dark, Footbawful, Hedo Turkoglu, Indiana Pacers, Vinny Del Negro
66 Comments:
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So, yes they are passing the ball significantly better than last year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2--uG4QMlA0
But, to emphasise just how bad the Wolves are, they're still down by 10 at the half.
Also, OKC may pull the upset of the night. Now that I've written that, they will lose...or will they, now that I've written that. My head hurts with the reverse-reverse stat cursing.
I say "endure" because that was the only possible verb for any viewers of that game, unless you enjoy watching a team go the remaining 5 minutes without a single field goal, and yet winning.
What the hell happened there Boston?!
Darko usually can't score 23 points and grab 16 rebounds even if there's nobody else on the court, so my theory is still plausible!
1:07 D Brown - Foul
1:07 C Bosh - Makes 2 Freebies
1:04 G Wallace - Foul
1:04 G Wallace - 6th Foul
1:04 G Wallace - 2nd Tech, ejected
1:04 L James - Freebie.
Yes, he got a tech AFTER fouling out. Miami gets a WOTN for blowing another huge lead. Seriously, where's the killer instinct here? I'm somewhat reminded of the Celtics.
Speaking of which, Durant-less, Green-less Thunder miss their last 17 shots. And win. Granted, Rondo and Pierce did get hurt, but Shuttleworth's jumpshot apparently decided to hit the night life after that Miami win and is still recovering from the hangover. Big Baby, a 91% free throw shooter, shanked three freebies in the decisive minutes.
And Darko Millicic. What. The. Hell. 23 points, 16 rebounds, 5 assists. I am speechless. This is atleast 10x as surprising as Zach Randolph from last year. Maybe even 10 times 10 times as surprising. What's next, Oden plays 82 games next season? The Nyets actually make the playoffs? Clippers go on a two game win streak?
Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice, and not a lady.
FG FT O-Rb T-Rb Ast Blk Stl Pts
10-18 3-3 6 16 5 6 2 23
Also Darko's scored 20+ 4 times in his career and grabbed 16 boards twice before. Kevin Love has recorded 6 blocks...never. Kevin Love has recorded 4 blocks once, against the Knicks of course.
barnes has 24 points on 7 shots? how is that possible?
kevin love has 0 points, 7 rebounds in 34 minutes...
while beasley goes for 25 and 10...
not to mention darko freaking milicic has 23 points, 16 boards, 6 blocks, 5 assists, and 2 steals
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Yea, I'm not trying to say Love can get 6 blocks (unless he plays the Knicks). I'm trying trying to think of any reason at all to explain Darko's game, and body switching seems like a better explanation to a Lakers fan than having your team be responsible for letting Darko have the best game of his career (I assume). That's a fact nobody wants to be the owner of.
I wonder Phil would have said this even if Love had a decent game. Probably not. Anyway, I know Kevin Love doesn't have the greatest offensive arsenals, but 0-7 in 34:07? Ouch. Darko must be rubbing off on him.
Odom was conscious of Love's presence all night and blocked out very well. Every time Love tried to shoot near the basket, either Odom or Gasol contested the shot.
Beasley played well, but he had to work hard for that 25 and 10.
Gasol obviously doesn't take Darko seriously, and the big Slav had a pulse tonight. He got a layup in the first minute of the game and stayed confident on both offense and defense for the rest of the game. He's a mobile big man and a legitimate 7-footer. His problem has been his lack of a motor, a bad attitude, and a lack of confidence. Minnesota is obviously a good situation for him.
One of my favorite moments: Love ripping a rebound from Darko's hands late in the 2nd quarter and Darko getting pretty pissed.
LA shot pretty well, Minnesota got a LOT of open 3's that just didn't drop tonight. That was basically the difference.
Kevin Love was just awful tonight. He was a complete non-factor. Meanwhile, Darko was a beast for the third straight game... MANNA!
Beasley was getting doubled constantly, and still put up 25/10... by the end of the season we're going to be calling him one of the top 15-20 talents in the league.
Where's Waldo.........Find the ball!!
Lets see if AnacondaHL remembers this?
Should of stuck with his talents in football...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgpwOjZmRzY
Don't think I ever saw that one before.
ZooTiger - Ahahaha wife beater bleached.
BTW, here's the video clip of last night's Knicks ball stuck ontop of the shot clock last night, where it stayed until halftime. The one blocking the shot? STAT of course.
Els dos anells a les mans suaus dir ves a la merda - Pau G.
http://tinyurl.com/286xw85
On a completely different note, Phoenix really miss Nash. Like, desperately miss him. They let the Bobcats score 123 points (which has to be a franchsie record right?) and allowed Stephen Jackson to get a triple-double, the first in franchise history!!
I agree we're likely not a title team this year, but when other ANALysts tell me this, I want to beat the shit out of them
we need to see a correlation plot between his stupid ranking and miami's actual ranking (record-wise).
This video has nothing to do with anything, I just thought it was the funniest shit I've seen in a long time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFIQIpC5_wY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqIkH5sDAlQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqs0Zf_TJ2c&feature=player_embedded
“You don’t want anything easy, especially as a professional athlete; nothing is easy,” said James, who had 29 points and 11 assists.
To quote Eric Cartman, "What THE Fuck!" Is this the whole reason he had "The Decision" to go to South Beach????
“This wasn’t something I thought was easy … I would rather it not be easy because you have to go through growing pains to be great at the end when you face those challenges you had early in the year. The easy button is not for us.”
C'mon, you gotta let me enjoy this while it lasts.
http://www.tbl.org.tr/beko/mac.asp?mac=1EA307
Today just keeps getting better and better.
this is the only time i'm jealous that i'm not in dallas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekZ38AGgHT4
and the news on tony parker...animated http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvVwyD9g47w
“I don’t care if James Naismith was guarding me, which would be scary because he’s dead,” Gay said. “I really don’t care who’s guarding me to be honest with you.”
Behold: Ball
http://scores.espn.go.com/nba/photos?gameId=301121028&photoId=970772
Who says Shaq can't get up anymore?
http://scores.espn.go.com/nba/photos?gameId=301121028&photoId=970775
Who says Andrea Bargnani's afraid of a little contact?
http://scores.espn.go.com/nba/photos?gameId=301121028&photoId=970983
This poor lady (right) just could not be consoled after her husband was tragically crushed by Baby's fat ass:
http://scores.espn.go.com/nba/photos?gameId=301121028&photoId=971047
I wish Ash would gouge out my eyes like he did with the sister possessed zombie in The Evil Dead, but because I couldn't find a video of that on Youtube, here's the next best thing that I want to happen to my eyes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gry51PjxQOE
That's freaking hilarious. Especially because it's the Celts, who are a bunch of assholes. And because it's Davis, who just can't help being a red-headed stepchild.
On a different topic - Holy hell, the Lakers are giving the Mopeds a serious what-for.
So wait, yr a Heat fan? Like you root for the Heat to win? What is that like? How does that feel exactly?
I'm not trying to be sarcastic or condescending, I really want to know: what is that like? How does it feel to be you?
/presuming you didn't just take yr talents to south beach recently, and that you have been a longtime Heat fan for X amount of years
//still baffled
why are you baffled? I personally supported the Heat since Wade joined them (I just love that player), and it has never been hard for me (not even during the seasons when the Heat won about 18 combined games). Of course I personally have my little pet theory that most of the hate directed towards the heat this year by other, non-cleveland fans is mostly out of jealousy, so I might not be sane.