Oh, we had no idea how funny this photo was at the time...
(Via Andy Gray's SI Vault)

After he retires from the NBA, Ben Wallace wants to be a lawyer. Ron Artest, on the other hand, wants to play in the NFL. Seriously. I mean, Artest is deeply entrenched in the Tyson Zone at this point, but this was still almost surprising. Emphasis on "almost." I still didn't even raise my eyebrow in contemplation after reading this. I just had to blink a couple times for it to sink in before moving on with my life.

Here is your must-read footbawful-related link of the day -- The Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder. (h/t Will) Block out some time to read this monster, because every single sentence is worth it.

Just for the record, I don't think I could party with Fred Smoot. Anybody who claims that a party on Lake Minnetonka featuring a boat full of prostitutes is "overrated" must really be desensitized by a constant line of women throwing themselves and their vaginas upon him. (You know, like the exact opposite of me.)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Walt "Clyde" Frazier attempts to hide his disdain for Mike Breem not purchasing any Just For Men

It's okay, Delonte. I, too, love Saturday Night Fever

Jay Triano curtsies to celebrate a rare Craptors victory

I know that Detroit's a depressing place, but jeez

Dwight Howard has his atomic elbows, but DeShawn Stevenson has atomic headbutts. Advantage: dude with the Abe Lincoln neck tattoo

Kevin Love? More like "Kevin Manlove," amiright?

See? Michael Beasley agrees with me

Alright, I'm impressed. That's some truly acrobatic man love

Nationally Televised Games:
Suns at Magic, TNT, 8pm: In news that should surprise absolutely nobody who has seen the undersized Suns' roster (Channing Frye? Hedo Turkoglu? These are the people you're slotting in the 4 and 5 slots???), Phoenix's opponents have been averaging 46.4 rebounds per game. That's worst in the league. If Dwight Howard actually had anything resembling a hypercompetitive fire, this game would be the basketball beatdown equivalent of firing up Mortal Kombat, putting it on two player mode, and practicing your spine-snapping fatality moves on the stationary opponent. However, because Dwight's constantly got that goofy ass grin on his face, the Suns still stand a chance if they start raining threes.

Nuggets at Frail Blazers, TNT, 10:30pm: Brandon Roy is out yet again. Greg Oden's knees are about five seconds away from spontaneously combusting. However, Denver's dropped four of their last six in Portland, so maybe, just maybe, there might be a little hope for the Blazers fans tonight.

All The Other Games:
Clippers at Pacers, 7pm: I love reading the STATS LLC game previews for terrible contests such as this one. The writers are so (appropriately) disgusted that they start writing like one of us. Case in point, the harsh opening to the preview for this game: "While the Indiana Pacers have struggled at home this season, the Los Angeles Clippers can't seem to win no matter where they play." Yes, this is the point we have already reached less than a month into the season. The dark cloud of Clippers history combined with the pure evil of Donald Sterling and the vortex of incompetence of Vinny del Negro have formed some sort of unholy storm of failure that will destroy everything and everyone in its path. Just think of what this team will be like by the end of December!

Labels: , , ,

Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's too bad that with such a failure of an owner, almost 90k fans are still forking over their money to him every week.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
16 O-rebs for Dwight!

Blogger David Landon said...
What's worse, sleeping with your teammate's wife or sleeping with your teammate's mom?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Wait, have we seen the Beasley berating Pekovic for sucking at defense video yet? I imagine Love may have yelled like that had Pekovic stolen his last cupcake.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Also holy hell that West Centers ballot is fucking lol. Gasol brothers it is then!

Blogger Sos said...
It just occurred to me that Michael Beasley and Predator have the same hairdo.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is a great line by that guy at the waterpark

but seriously as hot as the ex mrs barry is geez, eva is no slouch.
i guess tony just has a thing for milfs, and eva is only a pseudo tv milf while TEMB is the real deal

Anonymous Czernobog said...
The best part of that Beasly-Pekovic thing? They were down by 19. Nice scapegoatin' there, Michael.

CAPTCHA: march.


Blogger Will said...
I caught the last bit of Around the Horn (I don't watch it, it just happened to be on) and they were talking about Beasley's improved play and his game winner last specifically. They quoted him as saying something along the lines of when he takes big shots like that, he kinda blacks out and doesn't really think about what he's going to do. I was wholly unsurprised by that.
Why would Clyde care that Breen isn't using JFM? That's just more action for him. After all, no play for Mr. Gray.

Blogger stephanie g said...
Future Guy: I'd say mom because she raised you and that's a blood deep connection, unlike your spouse (um, hopefully).

Suns are doing their best fleeing Tokyo citizens impression to Dwight's Godzilla rampage.

"Grant hill is the Sun's best perimeter defender..." Oh lawd.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
the Lakers contacted Jake Voskuhl. the Lakers contacted Jake Voskuhl??
the Lakers contacted Jake Voskuhl?!?! this the cherry on top of the shit coated sunday that has been my day.

Blogger Solieyu said...
Poor Suns. This is what they are without Steve Nash. Down by 28 at the half. 15 point first quarter, 19 point second. Shooting 39% with four assists total. Jameer Nelson has 9 assists already. Magic bench with 16 points to Suns' 3. Extra-typically bad defense letting the Magic shoot for 60%. Wow.

As a Phoenix area resident I almost wish the Suns would trade Nash to a good team that he can put over the hump (Atlanta? Hell, the Clippers? Not the Knicks), since he's too good a person to ever go prima dona. He carries this team year in and year out and is the NBA's unrecognized iron man.

Blogger Jason D said...
Wow, you really don't realise how important Nash is to the Suns until you see them play without him. Only 7 assists as a team midway through the 3rd.

It's gonna be a sad day for Suns fans (and NBA fans) when Nash retires, or leaves. As good as Dragc is getting, he's nowhere near Nash's level.

Anonymous Marc d. said...
You know, Barbosa could be injured for the duration of his contract and I would still think that it was a good trade.

Hedo is the very definition of "Addition by subtraction".

And I used to be a big fan of his too...

Anonymous ak dave said...
With Roy out it's time for Fernandez to nut up or shut up. Step up or step off. Bring the pain, or go back to Spain. (You get the idea)

I'll give odds he does nothing with this opportunity.

WV: persessi (Rudy F. acts like a spoiled persessi)

Blogger Siddarth Sharma said...
Basketbawful nod on tv.

Suns vs Nuggets, towards the end, Hedo blocked Billups' 3 pointer, and the commentator called it a smother chicken. I think the word originated on this blog.

Blogger winnetou said...
Looking at the Suns@Magic recap, Grant Hill also ended up being the Suns' highest scorer with 21 (8/9).
"And maybe if he plays 10 or 12 more years, people here will stop booing him," Magic coach Stan Van Gundy said.

Another former Magic player in that same game produced this line: 0/8fg, 0/5 3pt, 2/2ft, 4rb, 1st, 3to. Ball.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
During the recent Nash trade rumors, one of the arguments for trading Nash was that Dragic is ready to step us as a starter. He sure proved himself with that 4 assist-6 turnover game last night.
Amazingly, Dragic's +/- of -26 was slightly lower than Grant Hill's +/- score of -30. Although Grant did score nearly a quarter of his team's points on 8/9 shooting and was one of 3 Suns' players without a turnover. But hey, stats don't lie.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just beyond terrible, horrible and bawful.

Anonymous caseta said...
1. parker might be an asshole, but he's not the one that swore to be faithful to brent barry. who brent barry should be pissed at is his whore of a wife, just like longoria should be pissed at tony (which apparently she is).

2. @AnacondaHL

beasley is not as bad as some miami fans thought he was (but maybe not as good as the others made him out to be). apparently he learned some things in miami, especially about defense and its importance and i hope he benefits from the change of scenery. he doesn't seem to be a bad kid.

So I guess it will in fact take more than "having an elite point guard" to win every game against the Heat.

I'd say you need an elite PG that can break down his man and penetrate. Heat's help D is still chaotic. Often too many people come to help on PG penetration and leave 3p shooters open. They try to rotate, but they rely too much on athletic abilities instead of sound defensive principles (like the spurs not leaving 3p shooters open). I am pretty sure the Heat will deal just fine with Kidd, for example.

Against such opponents I guess they'd better take arroyo/house out of the game, as they're just traffic cones on D, play an athletic line-up (wade, lebron, jones, bosh, haslem/anthony) and zone up. Or just give the occasional 2p shot to CP3/Deron/Rose/Westbrook/Rondo than an open 3p shot to Ray Allen/Durant/Korver or fuckin Millsap.

Anonymous Al said...
From ESPN this morning...PLEASE share Keith Smart's last sentence with the world:

"Smart didn't expect Lee to attend Friday night's home game against the Knicks, Lee's former team.

"We all just want to see him," Smart said. "Once we see him and now we can love on him we can start getting him back into the package."

Anonymous JJ said...
I think Beasley is doing better simply because: 1. obviously better player/alpha dog (Wade) isn't barking at him all the time anymore, 2. Timberpuppies have nobody which means he gets a lot of minutes + touches, and 3. there is no longer any pressure or expectation since, as Timberpuppies so honestly admitted, they're not going to win the championship this year. I'm not sure if he necessarily became a better player while in Miami. Heat doesn't seem to nuture and develop young players. It's more of a sink or swim.

Anonymous caseta said...
@JJ - the heat's plan since at least 2008 (if not 2007) was to get wade, lebron and bosh together. they knew they couldn't keep beasley anyway or any other young talent they got during this time, so they probably didn't even bother to try and develop them that much.

also, unlike other teams, i don't think the heat were willing to sacrifice games to let beasley grow. they probably knew they had to be at least decent and make the playoffs to avoid wade getting tired of the losing and bolting.