In a move slightly more disastrous than most of their personnel moves over the last 10 years, singer Phil Collins was hired today as head coach of the Chicago Bulls. The hiring was seen as controversial, since Collins' only professional sports experience has been lead musician for every promo during the 2005 NBA finals and wrestling the Ultimate Warrior.
John Paxson was in a jovial mood when defending the much-debated hiring earlier today. "Now I can't dance, but the Bulls fans can feel it in the air tonight. Against all odds, you can see coach Collins' true colors, even for just one more night. (Collins) may be older, but he has an invisible touch, and he can turn it on again. It's time for another day in paradise!" Paxson later admitted he didn't know what a Sussudio was.
ESPN analyst John Hollinger was also optimistic on the hiring. "Scott Skiles may have been an abrasive character, but Phil Collins can't stop loving you. And that's crucial, since you can't hurry love. He's an easy lover. He'll get a hold on you, believe it. He's like no other." Hollinger also prepared an algorithm proving rock group Genesis had a higher PER following the departure of Peter Gabriel.
The Bulls are in the land of confusion, and John Paxson is in too deep and may be throwing it all away. That's all.
Labels: Chicago Bulls, John Hollinger, john paxson, pure fiction, the 80s
Bless Red Auerbach and his curmudgeonly soul. He was an early advocate of the fast break. He invented the concept of the sixth man. He fined his players for eating pancakes after midnight -- five bucks, payable directly to him -- and he wouldn't let them drink water during practice (he thought it weighed them down). And, for the record, that mixture of innovation and folk wisdom led to eight straight championships, and nine in 10 years. Not too shabby.
Even more awesome than all of that, though, was the fact that he hated floppers before it was fashionable to hate them. I take this to mean that he and Manu Ginobili would not have been the best of friends. (Okay, Red would have eaten his spleen for breakfast.)
[Hat tip to Deadspin and TrueHoop, via Bullets Forever.]
Even more awesome than all of that, though, was the fact that he hated floppers before it was fashionable to hate them. I take this to mean that he and Manu Ginobili would not have been the best of friends. (Okay, Red would have eaten his spleen for breakfast.)
[Hat tip to Deadspin and TrueHoop, via Bullets Forever.]
Labels: flopping, Red Auerbach
Sorry there's no Worst of the Night post today. Let's just say that the Lakers making it back to the NBA Finals was the worst thing that happened last night -- for me, anyway -- and leave it at that.
Instead, here's some semi-anguished man love between Sasha Douchavic and Vladimir Radmanowhatever. Looks like Sasha isn't too happy about being the catcher. Memo to Sasha: Always establish a safe word. Thanks to everybody who sent this one in; you know who you are, you sexy bitches.
Chub-tastic extra: Here's Sasha experiencing some wingardium leviosa in his man region over a little old-school man love between Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I guess man-on-man affection is storied a Laker tradition. It's enough to give me Forum Blue and Gold balls.
Instead, here's some semi-anguished man love between Sasha Douchavic and Vladimir Radmanowhatever. Looks like Sasha isn't too happy about being the catcher. Memo to Sasha: Always establish a safe word. Thanks to everybody who sent this one in; you know who you are, you sexy bitches.
Chub-tastic extra: Here's Sasha experiencing some wingardium leviosa in his man region over a little old-school man love between Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I guess man-on-man affection is storied a Laker tradition. It's enough to give me Forum Blue and Gold balls.
Labels: man love, not unintentionally gay, Sasha Vujacic, Vladimir Radmanovic
Flip Saunders + Om nom nom nom = This quote: "[Kendrick] Perkins is eating us up."
As Basketbawful reader Jimmy said: "Maybe he should keep his private life to himself."
Labels: fan submissions, Flip Saunders, Out of Contexts, quotables, totally but unintentionally gay
Well, the NBA finally got it right. Unfortunately, they got it right about a day and one crippling loss too late for the San Antonio Spurs.
NBA spokesman Tim Frank has officially admitted what my eyes and huge, throbbing brains had already told me: Derek Fisher fouled Brent Barry. And it should have been called. Said Frank: "With the benefit of instant replay, it appears a foul call should have been made."
Of course, this statement followed a totally contradictory assertion by league spokesman Brian McIntyre, who had previously claimed that referees Joey Crawford, Joe Forte and Mark Wunderlich may have been following a league guideline in failing to make a call. "There is an explanation in the rule book that there are times during games when the degree of certainty necessary to determine a foul involving physical contact is higher. That comes during impact time when the intensity has risen, especially at the end of a game. In other words, if you're going to call something then, be certain."
Riiiiight. Because Fisher jumping into the air and landing on Barry is something that's really hard for a crack officiating crew to be "certain" of. As they said over at College Humor: "Fisher's hip slammed Barry in the ear. How is that not a foul? (Interesting fact: Fisher's hip is like a seashell; if you put your ear to it, you can hear the sound of Jazz fans booing.)" And Spurs coach Gregg Popovich smells something brown and stinky.
"It's a very strange thing. If you talk to an official, the official will tell you that the game is called at the end of the game exactly like it is during the meat of the game. That's their story and they're going to stand by it. In reality, personally, I don't think that's true and I can give a thousand examples that things are called differently down the stretch where I think most referees feel -- and I agree with them -- that things need to be more definitive before you're going to make a call. A referee is going to be hesitant to make a call that could decide a game at the end unless it's really either gross or obvious. So, that's why I said, if I was an official, I would not have called that a foul at the end of the game."
Thanks for staying classy, Gregg. So, anyway, it appears that although they Spurs will probably get knocked out of the playoffs tonight because of that now officially incorrect no-call, they at least get the moral victory from knowing they got jobbed. Too bad there's no such thing as the Moral NBA Finals.
Labels: Brent Barry, Derek Fisher, Gregg Popovich, league-wide issues, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA playoffs, San Antonio Spurs
Boston Celtics: Yes, they won. But they also failed to hold onto a 17-point lead and barely held on to win at home. That didn't exactly instill me with a lot of confidence, even if Ray Allen's jumper finally came home.
The Boston reserves: It was shades of 1987 all over again. No, Larry didn't steal the ball. I'm talking about the lousy bench. The Beantown auxiliaries were "good" for 3 points (1-for-5), 5 rebounds, 2 assists, 4 turnovers, and 4 fouls in 30 minutes of...you know what? That doesn't even count as lack-tion. Bravo to Sam Cassell for avoiding a two trillion by throwing the ball away once. Still, that wasn't as bad as...
Eddie House: E-Money must have been munching on magic mushrooms before the game, because he transformed into -- jrrp jrrp jrrp --Super Mario! (Five Basketbawful bucks to any reader who can come up with a better phonetic sound effect for the Super Mario transformation.)
Rajon Rondo: The kid had a great floor game (13 assists, only 1 turnovers) and active hands on defense (4 steals), but his shooting was sucksational: 3-for-14. And those numbers are actually worse than you think: He was 0-for-4 on jumpers and only 3-for-10 on layups. Greg Kite is a bigger scoring threat for the Celtics. And I don't mean the Greg Kite from 1984, I mean Greg Kite right now.
Kevin Garnett: It's hard to pick on a guy who scored 33 points (11-for-17) and hit the game-clinching freethrows, but I think I'm up to the challenge. Here's what KG during that last desperate stretch when the Celtics almost choked up their lead. 6:48 - Turnover. 5:51 - Turnover. 5:08 - Missed jump shot. 4:04 - Two made freethrows. 3:32 - Two made freethrows. 2:38 - Missed jump shot. 0:18 - Missed jump shot. 0:03 - Two made freethrows.
So basically, in clutch time, KG was 0-for-3 from outside and bobbled the ball away twice. He did add four important freethrows, as well as the two game-clinchers off the forced foul...but still. That wasn't exactly a clutchtastic performance.
Not-so-fun fact: Hoffman from Ballerblogger has pinpointed KG's Achilles' heal. And while it's not "I've grown a second, evil head!" shocking, the numbers are pretty revealing. "KG has attempted more shots (68) than any other Celtic in the Conference Finals. He's also leading 'Boston’s Big 3' in field goal percentage (.515). But 55 of those 68 shot attempts have been outside of the paint. Fifty-two percent is a good shooting percentage but it pales in comparison to the 69% (9-of-13) KG is shooting from inside the paint. This is why Kevin Garnett was the Defensive Player of the Year and not the MVP this season. He's either incapable or unwilling to impose his will upon games and lead his team to victory on both ends. Someone needs to remind Garnett that he’s a power forward!" Incapable or unwilling? Well, we know what Bill Simmons has to say on the subject...
Detroit Pistons: They once again waited a little too long to start playing with a sense of urgency. Do you realize how often that last line could have been used for this team over the last few years?
Rasheed Wallace: 'Sheed got his sixth technical foul of the playoffs -- a seventh will mean an automatic one-game suspension -- and then went supernova on the officials after the game. "All that (expletive) calls they had out there, with Mike (Callahan) and Kenny (Mauer) you've all seen that (expletive). You saw them calls. The cats are flopping all over the floor and they're calling that (expletive). That (expletive) ain't basketball out there. It's all (expletive) entertainment. You all should know that (expletive). It's all (expletive) entertainment."
You know, that last quote could be the first-ever Rasheed Wallace Mad-lib. Just replace every "expletive" with a funny word, like "fart" or "vagina" or "Magellanic Cloud." NBA Action: It's (expletive)-tastic!
Man-love insert: Basketbawful reader Charles spotted 'Sheed going in for a grabful of A-cup Allen. I'm sure that cat was just floppin' though...
Rodney Stuckey: The kid's not here because he shot 3-for-9 and missed all three of his layups. He's here because he accidentally made a freethrow he meant to miss with four seconds left and his team down three. Who knew that missing a freethrow could be so hard. And the look on his face was classic. Can anybody find a picture or some video of that?
Antonio McDyess: In Game 4, he hopped in the WABAC Machine, returning to his 1997-98 form for a 21-point, 16-rebound performance. But he apparently came back to the future last night: 4 points, 5 rebounds, 1 assist, 3 turnovers and 6 fouls in 28 minutes. I guess he really did leave it all on the floor in Game 4.
Theo Ratliff: He did about as well as anybody could hope for last night: 2 points, 2 rebounds, 1 block, and 1 foul in almost 14 minutes. But that's not good enough for some people (and by "some people" I mean "everybody who's rooting for the Pistons"). And so stopplayingtheoratliff.blogspot.com was born! (Thanks to John L. for the link.)
Yahoo!: This just in: The Celtics are going to the NBA Finals! I mean, they won Game 6 last night, right...? Oops. (This message was brought to you by the eagle eyes of Sky Flakes.)
Labels: bench play, Boston Celtics, Detroit Pistons, fan submissions, Kevin Garnett, man love, NBA playoffs, Rajon Rondo, Rasheed Wallace, Worst of the Night
Beware the Mamba's forked tongue...and his desire for bukkake: "If we were going to go down with him shooting, I wanted to make sure he was shooting in my face." Yowza. I'm pretty sure I heard Jenna Jameson say that once.
Thanks to Big Tuna for spotlighting this quote.
Labels: fan submissions, Kobe Bryant, Out of Contexts, quotables, totally but unintentionally gay
One little tap of the Stern Button and the Spurs are on the brink of playoff Armageddon. But while Timmy Duncan is facing it down with his typically stoic calm, Luke Walton is...wetting his little pink princess panties in abject terror. And he's not even on the same team. I mean, Luke is making funny faces we've never seen from anybody -- from any planet. And that's terrrrrrrible!
Labels: funny faces, Los Angeles Lakers, Luke Walton, San Antonio Spurs, Tim Duncan
The Duncan face? Effective. It can move planets, turn back the sands of time, and subtly alter the molecular composition of David West's back. The Tony Parker face? Based on the way his wife beat him down for that "A mouth is a mouth; what's the difference?" comment: Not effective. Just ask Joe Forte.
Today's pictorial evidence of the sad futility of the TP face was sent in by Basketbawful reader Tree, who said: "Not sure if you saw this picture, but it pretty much sums up the Spurs in my mind. I can just hear Parker saying 'I implore you sir, how can that be a foul, he wasn't even rolling around in mock agony for 5 minutes? How did he fool you?'"
Today's pictorial evidence of the sad futility of the TP face was sent in by Basketbawful reader Tree, who said: "Not sure if you saw this picture, but it pretty much sums up the Spurs in my mind. I can just hear Parker saying 'I implore you sir, how can that be a foul, he wasn't even rolling around in mock agony for 5 minutes? How did he fool you?'"
Labels: Duncan face, fan submissions, referees, San Antonio Spurs, Tony Parker
OK, so we all know the refs got it wrong at the end of the Spurs / Lakers game 4. And sadly, we all know the refs usually get it wrong. Let's be honest, even the refs know they're getting it wrong, but...
...whose fault is it? The refs are now regularly doing whatever it takes to keep the scrutiny off themselves. It is human nature to do so, and I don't have any particular faith in NBA refs to behave otherwise. For years, refs have put the whistle away for the final 5 seconds or so of any big game, because there is a notion that the "players should decide it."...in Thunderdome, apparently.
Unfortunately, the way the NBA is set up, either the refs are forced to decide the game either way (by awarding a player "gimmie" free throws or completely ignoring a mug job like they did). Almost universally, refs have decided to go the "ignore the foul" route, because this method has become an accepted - even anticipated - part of the game (just listen to the resigned post-game comments of Popovich and Barry - they know how this works).
You think the foul would have been called if Brent had gone straight up and forced harder contact? I don't. I think Fisher would have had to sucker-punch Barry at the end of that game to for a foul to be called, and I think Fisher - wiley veteran that he is - knew that too.
The Solution?
How about this. If a player is fouled in the final, let's say, 5 seconds of a game, the remaining time goes back up on the clock and instead of free throws, the offense can re-run the play (How many times could a team be fouled? Indefinitely - why? There's no incentive to keep allowing a team more chances at a game winning shot. And after each foul, the offense automatically gets 20 seconds to draw up a new play.) This shifts the advantage to the offense, but it would help ensure far fewer last last-second no calls, far fewer last-second fouls that everyone knows aren't going to get called, and would likely result in a lot more last-second game winning shots...sound exciting, Mr. Stern?)
This idea may not be perfect, but I think it has merit. If this change is made, the refs would no longer have to worry about "being responsible" for game-deciding free throws. Would it be sad to have to institute such a policy because referees don't have the intestinal fortitude to call games well? Yes, but it's a way to eliminate at least a little of the very flawed human nature out of NBA refereeing.
- Evil Ted
...whose fault is it? The refs are now regularly doing whatever it takes to keep the scrutiny off themselves. It is human nature to do so, and I don't have any particular faith in NBA refs to behave otherwise. For years, refs have put the whistle away for the final 5 seconds or so of any big game, because there is a notion that the "players should decide it."...in Thunderdome, apparently.
Unfortunately, the way the NBA is set up, either the refs are forced to decide the game either way (by awarding a player "gimmie" free throws or completely ignoring a mug job like they did). Almost universally, refs have decided to go the "ignore the foul" route, because this method has become an accepted - even anticipated - part of the game (just listen to the resigned post-game comments of Popovich and Barry - they know how this works).
You think the foul would have been called if Brent had gone straight up and forced harder contact? I don't. I think Fisher would have had to sucker-punch Barry at the end of that game to for a foul to be called, and I think Fisher - wiley veteran that he is - knew that too.
The Solution?
How about this. If a player is fouled in the final, let's say, 5 seconds of a game, the remaining time goes back up on the clock and instead of free throws, the offense can re-run the play (How many times could a team be fouled? Indefinitely - why? There's no incentive to keep allowing a team more chances at a game winning shot. And after each foul, the offense automatically gets 20 seconds to draw up a new play.) This shifts the advantage to the offense, but it would help ensure far fewer last last-second no calls, far fewer last-second fouls that everyone knows aren't going to get called, and would likely result in a lot more last-second game winning shots...sound exciting, Mr. Stern?)
This idea may not be perfect, but I think it has merit. If this change is made, the refs would no longer have to worry about "being responsible" for game-deciding free throws. Would it be sad to have to institute such a policy because referees don't have the intestinal fortitude to call games well? Yes, but it's a way to eliminate at least a little of the very flawed human nature out of NBA refereeing.
- Evil Ted
Labels: fouls, NBA, referees, rule change
Officiating: Quick quiz: What time is it? Quick answer: Zebra hunting time. Last night, Joe Crawfordy, Joe Forte, Mark Wunderlich and David Stern (in absentia) were The Four Horsemen of the Spurspocalypse. I mean, seriously, the no-call to end last night's game was completely, utterly and in all other ways inconceivable. I'm not even going to argue the point. The bottom line is this: Derek Fisher fouled Brent Barry. Marv Albert and Doug Collins knew it. Johnny Ludden knew it. Henry Abbott knew it. You knew it. I knew it. Nostradamus knew it way back in 1562. Helen Keller, Zeus rest her soul, would have known it. My 85-year-old grandma called me in the middle of the night to ask "What was up with that lousy no-call in the Spurs game?!" It's crazy.
Here's the video. It speaks pretty well for itself.
Now some people -- Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili among them -- believe that if Barry had gone straight up for the shot and tried to "sell the contact" (read that: flop), he would have gotten the whistle. I call shenanigans. Joey Crawford, who had the best line of sight on the play, wasn't going to toot his horn for any reason. And neither were his lackeys. Clearly, a choice had been made before the ball was ever passed inbounds: The players are going to decide the final outcome. Which would be fine if this was a pickup game at the YMCA. But this was a pro game, a big one, and there are referees for a reason. And that reason is to keep stupid incidents like this -- which, make no mistake, disgrace and dishonor the game -- from happening.
And let's face it, that grand faux pas wasn't an isolated case. Not historically, and not even in this particular game. The refs did not impress last night. Kobe Bryant managed to play 41 minutes without making a single trip to the charity stripe -- his series total for freethrow attempts is six -- leading Phil Jackson to quip: "It is impossible to take 29 shots and not be fouled, but tonight was one of those exceptions, I guess."
But wait, there's more! Before the foul that wasn't a foul even though it really was a foul, the Lakers had the ball and a two-point lead with 28 seconds left. L.A. dribbled out most of the shot clock before Fisher jacked up a baseline jumper that missed almost everything and got knocked out of bounds by Robert Horry with 5.6 seconds left. The official call was that the shot didn't hit the rim and so only two seconds were left on the shot clock. However...the replays sure made it look like the ball skimmed off the hoop. If the Lakers had gotten a new 24, the Spurs would have had to foul and the game would have been over. Instead, Kobe had to force up a shot that missed and fell right into the hands of the Spurs, who were left with 2.1 seconds to make a miracle happen.
But it didn't. The refs saw to that.
Random non-awful note: Kudos to the Spurs players and coaching staff for staying so classy about this whole thing. Most teams would be freaking the hell out about the injustice of it all. The Spurs were actually very Zen-like about it. Barry said: "That's not going to get called in the Western Conference finals. Maybe in the regular season. But that call shouldn't be called in the Western Conference finals." Gregg Popovich said: "If I was the official I wouldn't have called that a foul." And Duncan simply said: "Obviously we're in a hole and it's 3-1. It's one loss and an elimination, but we really feel that if we clean a lot of this stuff up we have an opportunity to get right back in this series." I guess you can never underestimate the inner-peace of a champion.
David Stern and the NBA: "Hm. Let's see. It's a critical playoff game between the Spurs and Lakers. Who should we get to officiate it? I know! How about the guy who was suspended for last year's playoffs because he ejected Tim Duncan for laughing! That'll make everybody totally forget about the Tim Donaghy scandal. Brilliant!"
Tim Duncan and Tony Parker: Other than Brent Barry -- who followed in Antonio McDyess' footsteps by having a 23-point turn-back-the-clock performance -- Timmy (29 points, 17 rebounds) and TP (23 points, 7 assists) were the only two Spurs to made a real offensive contribution to last night's losing effort. However, I'm sure you sense a "but" coming, don't you? Well, Timmy missed 16 shots and missed five layups. Mr. Longoria missed four layups.
Now, mind you, the Lakers were playing -- and were allowed to get away with -- an aggressive and physical defense. But instead of adjusting to that, Duncan and Parker kept flailing at contact, lobbing the ball at the rim, and looking around for a call that was never going to come.
Were they getting pushed around and hit on their shots? Sure. But I would have preferred to see them -- especially Tim -- do a better job at adjusting to how the refs were officiating the game. Especially in the first half.
Manu Ginobili: I guess that arthritic ankle is hurting him worse than we thought. Manu, how played like the Incredible Hulk in Game 3, transformed back into puny Bruce Banner for Game 4: 7 points, 2-for-8 shooting, 2 rebounds, 6 assists and 4 fouls. More than the officiating or anything else, Ginobili was the reason that San Antonio lost this game and is likely to lose the series on Thursday night.
The rest of the Spurs: Holy god, the Spurs roleplayers -- Barry excepted -- sucked. Francisco Oberto: Zero points, 0-for-0, 3 rebounds, 1 assist, 1 turnover, 3 fouls, 21 minutes. Michael Finley: Zero points, 0-for-2, 1 turnover, 8 minutes. Robert Horry: 2 points, 0-for-2, 4 rebounds, 1 steal, 2 fouls, 15 minutes. Ime Udoka: Zero points, 0-for-0, 1 rebound, 1 assist, 1 foul, 8 minutes. Kurt Thomas: A mario. All I can say is that I hope the Spurs get a bulk discount at the NBA graveyard this summer.
Old legs: Was it just me, or did the Spurs look old and tired last night. They were a step slow to loose balls and they couldn't keep the Lakers off the boards. L.A. outrebounded San Antonio 46-37, which doesn't sound all that bad until you realize they enjoyed a 26-4 edge in second-chance points. Wow. I take it back, Manu. I guess it's not your fault after all.
Derek Fisher, quote machine: Here's Fish's explanation of the already infamous no-call: "I think we met simultaneously, and there was contact for sure. But I don't think I ran through him." Uh huh.
Sasha Vujacic: Well, if the Lakers had to win, at least Sasha blew chunks: 4 points, 1-for-6, 1 rebound, zero assists, 2 turnovers, 4 fouls.
Trevor Ariza: It's inspiring and everything that he's finally back from an injury, but I'm still going to mock his lowly one trillion.
Lakers fans: First off, they should not be allowed to sit near The Admiral. Second, they should be stuffed into an airtight capsule and launched into space for taking their picture with The Admiral without his permission.
Note on submissions: Due to technical difficulties, I haven't been able to check my e-mail today. So I apologize for omitting any worthy submissions. Hopefully, we'll get this blatant attack by Lakers fans taken care of shortly. (I'm kidding, Lakers fans. I know you don't have that kind of power.)
Labels: Los Angeles Lakers, NBA playoffs, officiating, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night
Prepare for the kind of awesome that might very well blow an appendage right off your body. This old Sprite commercial was submitted by Basketbawful reader Wild Yams, who said: "Speaking of awful commercials, I'd like to present my all-time favorite worst basketball commercial in which Kobe and Tim Duncan square off against each other with their posses for a rap-off, then Missy Elliot shows up to take over while Kobe and Tim play a game of one-on-one."
He is so not kidding. But I guess this is how you had to obey your thirst back in 1998.
He is so not kidding. But I guess this is how you had to obey your thirst back in 1998.
Labels: commercials, Kobe Bryant, Missy Elliot, rapping, Tim Duncan
Sorry this is late, folks. Even I need a holiday, apparently.
Spurs-Lakers Game 2
San Antonio Spurs: The seven-game series with the Hornets, that night spent sleeping on a grounded plane, the devastating choke job in Game 1 of this series, their age...it was like all of those things caught up with them at once in Game 2. The Spurs shot 34 percent as a team -- including 6-for-23 from three -- and they got slowly and methodically crushed in the second half en route to a 30-point rout. The champs were a step slow everywhere, especially on defense, where they allowed the Lakers to shoot 55 percent.
Manu Ginobili: Manu was San Antonio's worst player in the first game, and he was just as bad -- maybe worse -- in Game 2. Shoeless Joe Ginobili was 2-for-8 from the field, 0-for-4 from distance, and finished with 7 points, 2 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 turnovers, and 2 fouls in 23 pointless minutes.
Tim Duncan and Tony Parker: The other two members of the Spurs' three amigos were better than Ginobili...but not by much. Timmy had a double-double (12 points, 16 rebounds), but he shot 6-for-14, missed all four of his freethrows, and put on his invisibility cloak in the second half. TP finished with 13 points on 15 shots and had a game-high 4 turnovers. Like Duncan, Parker was a non-factor in the second half and he never figured out a way to crack L.A.'s interior defense.
Fabricio Oberto: I could easily include Oberto in every "Worst of" post based only on his various hair crimes against humanity. Seriously, is that hairstyle cool anywhere? Well, from what I saw on ArgentinaHair.com, I guess it is. Anyway, Fabulous Fabricio is here because of his team-worst +/- score of -26 in only 22 minutes of lack-tion (he grabbed only 2 rebounds in that time).
Robert Horry: The line: Zero points, 0-for-5, 4 rebounds in 14 minutes. Every time I see Cheap Shot play these days, I hear an egg timer going off. Translation: He's done.
Damon Stoudamire: Mighty Mouse finally got into a game, thanks to the glories of garbage time. But apparently, Damon can't even handle that; he scored zero points on 0-for-5 shooting and dished 1 lonely assist in 9 minutes. On the bright side, he outrebounded Oberto 3-2.
Ronny Turiaf: Straight. Up. Crazy. (From Odenized.)
Pistons-Celtics Game 3
Detroit Pistons: After stealing Game 2 in Boston, the Pistons were in the driver's seat in this series. They then drove their playoff car directly into a tree, losing Game 3 at home 94-80. Detroit was 28-for-73 (38 percent) from the field and 1-for-13 from beyond the arc. They also got outrebounded 44-28.
Chauncey Billups: Mr. Big Shot continues to struggle, whether because of his gimpy hamstring or, as Flip Saunders has suggested, because he's out of synch from the missed games against the Magic and the layoff that followed. Whatever the case, Billups finished Game 3 with 6 points on 1-for-6 shooting and had the worst +/- score on the team (-25). At this point, I wouldn't blame Saunders for benching him in favor of Rodney Stuckey (17 points, 4 assists, 4 steals).
Tayshaun Prince: Prince or pauper? Tayshaun scored 4 points on 2-for-11 shooting, and his +/- score of -23 was barely worse than Chauncey's.
Amir Johnson: Since Aaron Afflalo got a DNP-CD, Amir stepped in to submit Detroit's nightly mario.
Boston Celtics: The Leprechauns probably would have won Game 3 by 30 had they not gone into the NBA-equivalent of the prevent defense for most of the fourth quarter. This allowed the Pistons to cut a 20-plus-point lead to single digits before finally succumbing. Why would Doc Rivers go away from what had been working? Instead of pushing the ball and trying to extend the lead, the Celtics started walking the ball up, dribbling 23 seconds off the shot clock, and then rushing up several forced shots that didn't have a prayer. It was ugly, and stupid, even if it did "work."
Rajon Rondo: He had more turnovers (5) than assists (4). Not good for a starting point guard.
Sam Cassell: Dude wasn't even letting the ground touch the ball. (From Odenized.)
Spurs-Lakers Game 3
ESPN Daily Dime: From Basketbawful reader PickNPop: "Today's poll in ESPN's Daily Dime jumped the gun on Stern's fairytale script of a Lakers/Celtics Finals by insinuating that the Lakers already won a game in San Antonio this series." Oops. But I'm sure it was just a semantic mistake.
Los Angeles Lakers: I expected the Spurs to play better at home in Game 3 than they did on the road in Game 2, but I didn't expect the Lakers to totally self-destruct. But that's what happened. The L.A. defense got roasted from the field (where the Spurs shot 51 percent) and especially from distance (where the champs were 10-for-18). They also forgot how to pass the ball, which would explain why they had only 13 assists on their 35 field goals.
Lamar Odom: From Game 2 hero to Game 3 goat, Lamar shot 2-for-11 from the field, 3-for-8 from the line, and committed a game-high 5 turnovers. But I guess that's what happens when your last name is an anagram for "doom."
Sasha Vujacic: Remember all that great defense he was playing on Manu Ginobili? Didn't happen this time. Manu finished with 30 points on 9-for-15 shooting, including 5-for-7 from downtown (although, to be fair, Manu was burning pretty much everybody). Sasha wasn't much help on the offensive end, either, finishing with 4 points on 1-for-5 shooting.
Kobe Bryant: The MVP scored at will (30 points, 13-for-23) but he set a bad precedent with his passing, which was equal parts stingy (1 assist) and errant (4 turnovers).
Damon Stoudamire: After his stunningly awful Game 2 performance, Matt Bonner got Mighty Mouse's garbage minutes in Game 3. Matt Bonner.
Charles Barkley: He thinks San Antonio is fat. Doesn't he know people in glass houses sink ships? Or something like that.
Pistons-Celtics Game 4
Boston Celtics: They went back into "Road Mode" for Game 4, shooting 31 percent from the field and 1-for-9 from The Land of Three. They also had more turnovers (14) than assists (12). Their defense also surrendered 51 percent shooting and forced the Pistons into only 7 turnovers. Oh, and they let Antonio McDyess (21 points, 16 rebounds) have his best playoff game in over ten years.
Ray Allen: After a brief reunion, Ray-Ray's jump shot has left him once again. Allen was 2-for-8, and he even boned two straight freethrows late in the game that killed what little hope the Celtics had left.
Rajon Rondo and Sam Cassell: Boston's two-headed point guard attack apparently needs a third head. Rondo finished with 4 points (2-for-8) and 4 assists, while Sam-I-Am had zero points (0-for-3) and zero assists.
Paul Pierce: The Celtic captain finished with 16 points and 8 boards, but he shot 3-for-14, missed all three of his three-point attempts, and committed a game-high 4 turnovers. Oh, and three of his shots got stuffed.
Eddie House and Tony Allen: They got put into the game for garbage time, and they each submitted a garbage-worth one trillion.
Kendrick Perkins: From Odenized: "At 0:20, Kendrick Perkins says, 'f*** these fools,' referring to the Pistons. Does Perkins act with too much cockiness or is his confidence his greatest strength?" Uh, I'm gonna go with the former rather than the latter.
Chauncey Billups: He did hit a big-time three in the fourth quarter to help finish the Celtics off, but that hardly made up for the rest of the game, during which he scored 7 points on 2-for-11 shooting. He and Ray Allen need to find a missing jump shot support group.
Tayshaun Prince: He played more minutes than anybody else on either team (40), but you could barely tell based on his line: 7 points, 3-for-12, 2 rebounds, 3 assists, 4 fouls. Of course, he did play a big part in Detroit's stifling defense.
Flip Saunders: Yeah, it's hard to criticize a coach too much after his team wins a big playoff game by 19. However...Flip made a decision in the third quarter that still has me shaking my head. When Rasheed Wallace got into foul trouble, Saunders replaced him with the creaky Theo Ratliff (2 points, 2 rebounds) instead of the on-fire Jason Maxiell (14 points, 6-for-6). Why?
Stupid people: Look. For the love of all that's holy. Kobe didn't jump over a moving car, and he certainly didn't jump over a pool full of snakes. I mean, why do some people need to have this stuff explained to them. Enjoy the viral video for what it is, but come on...
Idle hands: From Basketbawful reader 80s NBA: "Looks like Steve Nash and Baron Davis need to find some better off-season hobbies." Well, you know, they aren't in the playoffs or anything...
Labels: Baron Davis, Boston Celtics, Detroit Pistons, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA playoffs, San Antonio Spurs, Steve Nash, Worst of the Weekend
I always got a kick out of this 2003 Nike commercial starring Paul Pierce and Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal. On opposite sides during a pickup game, the two men step up to the challenge by ignorning the absolute living hell out of their teammates and going one-on-one until everybody else just stops playing. Not sure what kind of message Nike was trying to get across, other than "Just Do It (Be A Selfish Bastard)!"
Also, this would be a lot funnier to me if I hadn't been in so many pickup games that devolved into something like this...
Also, this would be a lot funnier to me if I hadn't been in so many pickup games that devolved into something like this...
Labels: ball hoggery, Jermaine O'Neal, Nike, Paul Pierce, pickup basketball, shoe commercials
Pucker up, Ray! Your jump shot may be cheating on you with Jason Kapono, but Lindsey Hunter has something special for you: It's called the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction. Which is just Einstein speak for kissy-face.
Mucho thankias to Karl for sending in this mantastic photo.
Mucho thankias to Karl for sending in this mantastic photo.
Labels: fan submissions, kissing, Lindsey Hunter, man love, Ray Allen
Boston Celtics: The Leprechauns were playing at home, where they had been virtually unbeatable since November (and completely unbeatable in the playoffs). Kevin Garnett played big (24 points, 11-for-19, 13 rebounds, 2 blocked shots). Paul Pierce was The Truth (26 points, 9-for-16, 4 rebounds, 5 assists). And Ray Allen even broke out of his three-month-long slump (25 points, 9-for-16). And...they lost anyway. Now they have to win a road game, which suddenly seems like Mission Impossible.
The worst part is: Boston really didn't play all that badly (well, minus some defensive slipups and Doc Rivers letting Ray Allen get into foul trouble, and that unforgivable boner on the Pistons' inbounds play with 20 seconds left). Detroit was just better. And that's got to be depressing if you're a Celtics fan. (Like me.)
Rajon Rondo: The kid had a decent game. Hell, he almost had a triple-double (10 points, 9 rebounds, 8 assists, 3 steals). But his shooting returned to liability status (2-for-9) and he couldn't contain Chauncey Billups (19 points, 5-for-10, 7 assists).
The Boston bench: Holy 1986-87 flashback! Where's Darren Daye when you really need him? The Celtic reserves combined to play about 55 minutes. In that time, they scored 8 points on 3-for-11 shooting, grabbed 5 rebounds, dished 2 assists, and committed 5 fouls. Rodney Stucky came off the Pistons bench and had more points (13), assists (3) and steals (2) by himself.
I mean, check it. P.J. Brown had 4 points and 2 boards in 18 minutes. James Posey scored 3 points on 1-for-5 shooting. Eddie House had -- as Basketbawful reader Eimaan pointed out -- one of those Catch-and-Shoot-22 nights (zero points, 0-for-3, 1 foul, 7 minutes). Big Baby Davis needed his binky (1 point, 1 foul, zero-for-everything-else). Tony Allen had 1 fouls and 1 missed shot in 4 minutes. And Leon KA-Powe had 2 boards in 2 minutes.
The home crowd: As Basketbawful reader Charles pointed out: "Don't you think the Boston fans should be in the WotN? No noise whatsoever in the final minutes. Was it me? I just didn't hear them during the game or even when Ray Allen made that three in the end or when Rasheed Wallace was shooting those free throws." No. It wasn't just you. They seemed to lose faith at the end. And let me tell you, it sure wasn't like that back when Larry Legend was playing. Personally, I blame Tom Brady and his boytoy for sucking the life out of the crowd.
Doc Rivers, public relations master: The Celtics coach used the spin cycle to make it sound as if losing at home might actually be a good thing for his team. "I fully believe, and I've said it many times, at some point we're going to have to win on the road. We've gotten away with it thus far. That's been taken away. And if we want what we want, we have to win on the road and that's just the way it is."
Doc Rivers, blasphemer: Doc boned things pretty well in the third quarter by leaving Ray Allen in the game after he picked up his fourth foul. Shortly thereafter, Ray-Ray picked up number five and got some extended bench time. But Doc wasn't ready to take all the blame unto himself. "It's sometimes the basketball gods. Things are going pretty well and then he picks up his fourth and fifth. I took a gamble on it and actually lost."
Rasheed Wallace, quote machine: After the game, 'Sheed had this to say: "[The series] is even. We don't sit back and say, 'Oh, look. They are undefeated at home,' or 'They didn't win a game on the road.' A lot of teams they played in the postseason and regular season were scared of them, as far as KG and Ray and Paul. They are good players, but we have good players, also." As Dread commented on my NBA Closer column, "When did /Sheed start talking like a balding, portly white guy?"
Rip Hamilton, quote machine: The Phantom of Auburn Hills explained the advice he gave Mr. Big Shot before the game. "One thing I told Chaunce [sic], you ain't got to be overaggressive out there. You can take your time and be the captain of our ship, and we'll try to do a good job of helping you out." I don't know. That quote just made me laugh. I think Rip should buy Chauncey one of those big admiral hats and maybe a rubber ducky. Okay, I'm done.
The Detroit bench: Take away Rodney Stucky's production and clutch shots, and Detroit's reserves were just as sucktastic as Boston's. Theo Ratliff 4 fouls and 2 boards in 14 minutes of lack-tion. Lindsey Hunter had 4 points and 2 assists in relief. Jason Maxiell was 1 personal foul away from a four trillion. And let's not forget...
Arron Afflalo: He played 12 seconds last night. It was his second straight mario (not counting DNP-CDs), and his third of the playoffs.
Labels: bench play, Boston Celtics, Detroit Pistons, Kevin Garnett, NBA playoffs, Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo, Ray Allen, Worst of the Night
Basketbawful reader ari responded to today's Spurs-Lakers love post with the following comment: "You missed one crucial man love incident, but I couldn't find a picture for you. Duncan was close to getting a technical for arguing, and Pop came over and grabbed him by the front of his shorts, right on his junk, and pulled him away. If you could find this picture...oh man. Or maybe somebody recorded the game and could get a still shot? I think it happened in the 2nd quarter."
I knew exactly what ari was talking about, and I'd been looking for a picture -- with no luck -- all day. Then reader Trev stepped up to the plate and got me the money shot. Note that Timmy looks totally mesmerized. Could grabbing his junk be the secret to stopping him? Only Popovich knows for sure...
Trev also found a bigger, clearer picture of the incident on SpursTalk.com.
I knew exactly what ari was talking about, and I'd been looking for a picture -- with no luck -- all day. Then reader Trev stepped up to the plate and got me the money shot. Note that Timmy looks totally mesmerized. Could grabbing his junk be the secret to stopping him? Only Popovich knows for sure...
Trev also found a bigger, clearer picture of the incident on SpursTalk.com.
Labels: genitals, Gregg Popovich, man love, San Antonio Spurs, Tim Duncan
There was a whole lotta man lovin' going on in last night's Spurs-Lakers game. Package grabbing? Check. Ass grabbing? Check. Suggestive lip smacking? Check, check and check. (I apologize if I missed a submission or forgot to credit someone. If that's the case, email me or leave a comment and I'll get it fixed up quicker than a Tony Parker flop.)
First, eljpeman (via the Yahoo! Sports NBA page) showed me "How the West is Won." (Apparently, winning the West has something to do with Kobe's genitals.)
Then emma noticed that Timmy seems to have a fixation on Pau's "fertile Spanish valley." And Pau looks...surprised...to say the least.
Mico pointed out that the only way for Ronny Turiaf to stop Ginobili is by grabbing for his Mini Manu. Which, of course, is exactly what Ronny did. Note the great look on Sasha's face.
But joel let me know that Manu can do more than just take it. He can also dish it out. Or is that more of a scoop?
Basketbawful reader ishlifyhead -- who hails from from Manila, Philippines -- got an, uh, interesting screen grab of Mamba during his postgame comments. I guess Kobe had the fever for the flavor of some man love.
And finally, here's Robert Horry reaching for Lamar Odom's man region. And getting unreasonably excited about it, I might add.
First, eljpeman (via the Yahoo! Sports NBA page) showed me "How the West is Won." (Apparently, winning the West has something to do with Kobe's genitals.)
Then emma noticed that Timmy seems to have a fixation on Pau's "fertile Spanish valley." And Pau looks...surprised...to say the least.
Mico pointed out that the only way for Ronny Turiaf to stop Ginobili is by grabbing for his Mini Manu. Which, of course, is exactly what Ronny did. Note the great look on Sasha's face.
But joel let me know that Manu can do more than just take it. He can also dish it out. Or is that more of a scoop?
Basketbawful reader ishlifyhead -- who hails from from Manila, Philippines -- got an, uh, interesting screen grab of Mamba during his postgame comments. I guess Kobe had the fever for the flavor of some man love.
And finally, here's Robert Horry reaching for Lamar Odom's man region. And getting unreasonably excited about it, I might add.
Labels: fan submissions, Los Angeles Lakers, man love, San Antonio Spurs
Manu Ginobili: In today's NBA Closer column, I called Manu "Shoeless Joe Ginobili" because it sure seemed like he was trying to throw the game: 10 points, 3-for-13 shooting and 4 turnovers. And at least three of those turnovers came during critical stages of the fourth quarter. Manu kept running into traps or jumping into the air with nowhere to go and then just throwing the ball up for grabs. During the postgame press conference, Ginobili said: "There's no excuse for how I played today." He's not wrong.
Tim Duncan: If you checked Timmy's line in the box score -- 30 points, 18 rebounds, 2 steals, 4 blocked shots -- and/or stopped watching the game with four or five minutes to go, you'd think he had a spectacular game. But Duncan was just as guilty of choking down the stretch as Manu was. Maybe it was fatigue, but the Lord of the Rings sure looked scared in those final, fateful minutes: Scared to attack Pau Gasol's defense, scared to take open jumpers, scared his team was going to give up their lead and lose the game.
Seriously, at one point Timmy passed up an open 15-footer to force the ball into Tony Parker underneath the hoop, only the Lakers came away with it and, naturally, scored off of it. This is the same guy who broke the Suns' will with a game-tying three-pointer in the first round? Really?
The San Antonio bench: Thanks for next-to-nothing, guys. Ime Udoka was the "best" Spur reserve, and he finished with 7 points (3-for-7), 1 rebound, 1 assist, 1 turnover and 4 fouls in 25 minutes. Michael Finley played 21 minutes and had zero points (0-for-5), 2 rebounds, 2 assists and a steal. Brent Barry (2 points, 1-for-3), Robert Horry (zero points, 1 block, 1 foul), Kurt Thomas (2 points and nothing else) were next to useless. And Jacque Vaughn -- who notched a five trillion -- was completely useless. But I guess that's what happens when most of the guys on your bench qualify for the senior citizen discount at McDonald's. (Thanks to Charles and Paul from France for alerting me to Jacque's five trillion.)
Update! The Spurs and Basketbawful: Did I mention San Antonio's ginormous collapse? I didn't?! Gak. Well, good thing Silly Bitch was around to do it. "I would hate for someone to come across this site not having watched the game and assume that this was just an average loss by the Spurs. You completely forgot to mention how they blew the 20 point lead they had halfway through the 3rd quarter. I know the Lakers are good but 20 points?? That's like letting a fat kid steal your cake when all you had to do was run!"
Derek Fisher: He shot 1-for-9 and finished with more fouls (5) than points (4). At times, he made even the Spurs look young and healthy. Which I guess is a pretty big accomplishment, but still.
Lamar Odom: Did he leave one of his bags behind in Utah? Because if so, his shot must be in it: 8 points on 3-for-12 shooting for Lamar.
Fun fact: Lamar was named after the gay nerd from Revenge of the Nerds. (Okay, I can't back that up. But he totally was.)
Pau Gasol: His transformation into one of the Geico cavemen is almost complete.
Luke Walton: Everybody who's suddenly all up in Mitch Kupchak's jock should remember two things: First, David Stern made the Grizzlies give up Pau Gasol so there would be a Lakers-Celtics Finals. I will always believe that. And second, he signed The Son of Walton to a six-year, $30 million contract extension last summer. I'm just sayin'. (Luke played 10 minutes last night, missing both of his shots and scoring zero points. He did have three rebounds, but man...those are expensive rebounds.)
Update! Kobe Bryant, quote machine: Basketbawful reader Jimmy shared a nice out of context quote from the Mamba. "I can get off at any time. In the second half, I did that." That's...quite the handy ability there, Mr. Bean. I don't suppose you could, you know, teach me that?
Charles Barkley: On Inside the NBA, Charles said that Reggie Miller was the best shooter he ever played with (the two played together on the 1996 U.S. Olympic Basketball Team). Mind you, Barkley also played with Larry Bird and Chris Mullin on the original Dream Team. So, you know, I guess this is just Chuck's week for vast and drastic overstatements.
Reggie Miller: So much for humility. Rather than correcting Chuck's outrageous ignorance, he responded with: "I always said that only Drazen Petrovic had a better shot than me." Wow.
Look, I'm as big a Reggie Miller fan as anybody, but, yeah, I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree all the way around. But, you know, Reggie has been going a little crazy these days.
Update! Reggie Miller, Part II: An anonymous commenter left the following golden nugget of awesome. "How about the latest Reggie-ism? Last night he said something like 'It's amazing how well the Spurs played in lieu of their flight delay...' That's twice I've heard that -- someone needs to tip him off."
Update! Yahoo: Rob from Upside And Motor noticed something amusing from our good buddies at the Y. "The Yahoo! Sports basketball NBA front page has the following headline: 'Bulls likely to draft Rose or Beasley." Groundbreaking stuff coming from the newsrooms of AP and Yahoo these days." I know what you mean. I was pretty shocked to read that the Bull were likely to use the number one pick on one of the two guys who are considered to be the consensus first and second picks in the draft. My world is freaking rocked. If they want to report some real news, they should mention how John Paxson is likely to screw this one up by once again passing up on a scoring big man for a speedy, shoot-happy guard. Because I personally would love to see a starting lineup of Kirk Hincrich, Chris Duhon, Ben Gordan, Larry Hughes and Derrick Rose.
Labels: bench play, Charles Barkley, Derek Fisher, Los Angeles Lakers, Manu Ginobili, NBA playoffs, Pau Gasol, Reggie Miller, San Antonio Spurs, Tim Duncan, Worst of the Night
Note: This letter is a response to Ray Allen's love letter to his long lost jump shot, as dictated to Basketbawful reader Justin.
Dear Ray,
I'm sorry I have to break it to you this way, but really, I think it's best to be honest after all we've been through.
I'm leaving you.
Actually, I left you. For Jason Kapono. Before you say anything, yeah, I know. He'll never be the player you were, he'll never be able to carry a team, he'll never really be able to actually dribble, but man! Have you seen his hair? The moment I did, I was infatuated. Every morning I'd wake up with you, ol' balding Ray-Ray, a little past his prime and I'd fantasize, Ray, I really would. I know I should have said something before I left but I didn't want to hurt you. I hope we can remain the best of friends. I'll invite you to the wedding.
Sincerely,
Kapono's Jump Shot
Labels: fan submissions, man love, Ray Allen
Dear My Jump Shot,
Hey, baby. It's me. Your wittle itty Walter Ray bear. It's been so long since I've seen you, baby. So damned long.
Look, I don't know why you walked out on me or where you went. Maybe you're rotting in a dumpster somewhere in Dorchester or Roxbury. Maybe you're chained in a dark basement, all wearing a leather hood and getting regular colonoscopies from some dude named Zed. I don't know. I kind of hope it's one of those two things, because I'd hate to think you left me on your own. Your brutal death and/or abduction and torture would sure make me feel a lot better about myself.
I know times have been tough. I don't stroke you as often as I did in Seattle. I know that. But Baby, times change. We aren't 19 anymore. I can't be strokin' you 20-25 times a night. But those 10-12 times, well, they're quality. Hey, it's more meaningful when you've got to cherish each one, you know?
Look. I'm gonna put it all on the line here. I need you. I need you now more than I ever have. I heard KG and Truth talking when they thought I was going through my pregame routine for the fourth time (little did they know I had already gone through it twice before they even got to the Garden). They're considering kicking me out of The Big Three. Kicking me out! Is that what you want to happen? Would that make you happy?
Don't do this to me, baby. Don't do this to us. Come back. Please.
Yours, body and soul,
Ray
P.S. I had some dude named "Buck Nasty" take this picture. As you can see, I'm wearing that sweater you got me for our 79-month anniversary.
Labels: fan submissions, jump shot, man love, Ray Allen
Chauncey Billups: He turned in an Eric-Snow-in-his-prime game: 9 points (3-for-6), 2 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 turnovers, 2 steals and a foul in 31 minutes. Moreover, he was clearly outplayed by the previously slumping Rajon Rondo (11 points, 5-for-9, 7 assists, 5 steals). I don't know whether it was the layoff, the Boston defense, or his injured hamstring -- or maybe a combination of all three? -- but Billups didn't show the kind of aggressiveness I would have expected. I thought he'd attack the basket and put a little more pressure on Rondo. Next game, maybe?
Rasheed Wallace: First off, 'Sheed had his struggles on the offensive end: 11 points on 3-for-12 shooting, including 0-for-3 from downtown. The only time it seems to be okay to have more shots than points is if you're Allen Iverson, and Rasheed is no Allen Iverson. But in all honesty, 'Sheed's offense -- in this series at least -- is far less important than his defense. Which, as it happens, was similarly pooptastic: KG lit him up for a game-high 26 points on 11-for-17 shooting while also grabbing 9 rebounds and handing out 4 dimes.
But before you start blaming rust, know ye now that Rasheed was likewise owned by The Big Ticket during the regular season. As I pointed out in the preview I wrote for Deadspin, KG played as well or better against the Pistons and 'Sheed's D than he did against any other team, to the tune of 24 PPG, 54 percent shooting, and 7.7 RPG. For some reason, this makes no sense to me whatsoever. I would figure that, if anybody could do it, that Rasheed would put the clamps on KG.
Rip Hamilton: I love retelling the story of how Rip once said: "I know before I get the ball if the shot is going in or not." Why do basketball players make ridiculous statements like that? It would be like some idiot saying that this year's Lakers team is the best squad Kobe Bryant's ever been on. Oh, wait. Anyway, either Rip was slightly overstating things or somebody removed his Nostradamus gene (and maybe his kidney!) in his sleep last night, because The Phantom of Auburn Hills missed eight of his 13 shot attempts.
Theo Ratliff: Remember when he was all talking trash to Rashard Lewis and the Magic? That was his high point of the postseason. Since then, it's all been downhill like an out-of-control yellow snowball. Last night's Herculean performance was more like The Three Stooges Meet Hercules, or maybe Hercules In New York: 2 fouls and zero-for-everything-else in just under four minutes. On the bright side, he had a better +/- score (+4) than any of the Detroit starters. By far.
The Zoo Crew: Ah, the Pistons bench is so deep...it's unfathomable! Ha, ha! I vill be here all ze week. But seriously, the Zoo Crew -- Amir Johnson, Arron Afflalo, Jarvis Hayes, Jason Maxiell, and Rodney Stuckey -- played more like the Get Along Gang last night. They combined for 11 points, 7 rebounds, 2 assists, and 3 DNP-CDs. And even that's deceiving, since 9 of the points came from Stuckey, and both assists came from Mad Maxiell. (How did Stuckey, the backup point guard, finish with zero assists?) The other dudes spent the game shining the pine and passing out Gatorade. Which, don't get me wrong, is totally important. Gotta keep those starters hydrated.
Update! The Etroit defense: I'm an idiot sometimes. I wrote about this in today's NBA Closer column and then totally forgot about it for WotN. But, as always, Wild Yams was here to remind me: "I honestly did not see that coming last night. Take out the huge FT advantage for the Pistons in the first half and they basically got routed. They pointed this out after the game, but the Pistons' vaunted defense surrendered 52.2% shooting to the Celtics, and the C's outscored Detroit 44-22 in the paint. If the Pistons can't D up any better than that, they're gonna lose this series for sure. I was gonna say they'd get swept if they continued to D up like that, but then I remembered what Boston's looked like on the road in these playoffs." It's all true. And somewhat mystifying. Rust can affect jump shots, but it shouldn't affect defense, which is mostly a product of effort and concentration.
Flip Saunders, quote machine: The Flipster did some verbal gymnastics while trying to explain why his team looked so out of synch last night. "It wasn't a matter of rust as we had too many mental mistakes. We weren't in the right situations on some offensive sets. We weren't in the right situations on some defensive rotations. When you do that, it messes up the whole team and the whole team looks a step slow." Now, I forget...who's supposed to get the Pistons in the right situations on offense and defense?
Ray Allen: Can we even call what Ray-Ray's going through a "slump" anymore? His jump shot is more cadaverous than Hugh Hefner. I think it's safe to announce the time of death and arrange the funeral. I wonder of Paul Bearer is available to give the eulogy...
Update! Here's some extra observation from Stephanie G: "Surreal moment of Game 1: Ray Allen passing to Rajon Rondo for the wide open three. I'm pretty sure most people had this play reversed when it came to imagining how the playoffs would go a couple months ago. But isn't it beautiful to watch the Boston crowd cringe every time Ray Allen looks like he may be attempting an actual jump shot? And each time the release looks so smooth, so graceful...and when it doesn't even hit the rim the crowd's nervous energy is palpable and I'm just watching it on TV. I think Ray-Ray is starting to get mind fucked by his own fans. I sensed it during the Cavs series and it has to be a mental block by this point. Lean, pure shooters like this are supposed to last forever, right? Allen has to be getting the worst stage fright imaginable everytime he gets a wide open look. Poor guy."
Tony Allen: Hmm, only 25 seconds of PT? Swing your arms from side to side, come on, it's time to go...do the mario! [/Super Mario Bros. Super Show]
Sam Cassell: DNP-CD. E.T. spent seven months trying to get bought out by the Clippers for this?! He and Mighty Mouse need to form a championship piggyback support group.
Bill Belichick, dirty perv: Wow. How many things are wrong with the following picture? The fact that Bill showed up to the Celtics game with the woman he cheated on his wife with, Sharon Shennoca? That Shennoca looks like she could be a Batman super villain named Mistress Mummy or maybe Fraulein Leatherface? That his son (?) looks like he's hopped up on Vicodin? That Jay and Silent Bob's posse are seated behind them? I mean, jeez, take your pick.
Oh, and Ms. Shenocca? I suggest you use some of your super mummy powers on Mr. Bill, because he's got eyes on a couple younger hotties. And the dancer on the right has to be thinking something that rhymes with "flirty mold pan."
Mike D'Antoni: First of all, holy crap! The Bulls got the first pick in the NBA draft! Sure, they could have sucked the chrome off of R2D2's robo-schlong last season, but little did we know they were losing with purpose. Boo-ya, baby! Now, Mike D'Antoni have been a part of that, could have started a whole new generation of Fun-N-Gun in Chicago, but nooooooooo. He went for the $$ and decided to take the helm of the Good Ship Knickerbocker. Good call, Mikey Boy. Good call.
And his "I just swallowed a big turd" reaction when the Knicks got the sixth pick? Pure, undistilled rad. As Basketbawful reader Jin put it: "I signed on this morning to see the Bulls won the draft lottery with something like a 1.7% chance of doing so, and the first thing I thought to myself was: 'Oh shit, D'antoni's gotta be pissed.' My friend hit me with this incredibly awesome picture within seconds of that (see below). I dunno if you've seen it before, but it's all five flavors of awesome. I think the fact that D'antoni kind of looks like the Monopoly Man adds to the humor or his tight lipped grimace." Yup, yup, and yup. Go directly to
Labels: Bill Belichick, Boston Celtics, Chauncy Billups, Detroit Pistons, Flip Saunders, Mike D'Antoni, NBA playoffs, Rasheed Wallace, Ray Allen, Rip Hamilton, Worst of the Night, Zoo Crew
Wild Yams reminded me of this little brouhaha in the TNT studio last night. I added it to Worst of the Night, but it really deserved its own post. As Mr. Yams put it: "Chuck's second big gaffe of the night was saying that this Lakers team is the best one Kobe's ever been on, although him saying that was totally worth it for Webber's fantastic reaction of wanting to walk off the set in disbelief. I love how Barkley shoots from the hip like that and doesn't think through the things he's about to say, because every now and then he'll let fly with a Bill Walton-esque bit of hyperbole like that. God bless Barkley."
God bless Barkley, indeed. And Webber's awestruck reaction really was the best; it even succeeded in getting Chuck to back down and revise his statement to: "Let me rephrase that. I think this Laker team is potentially, they could win a lot of championships in the next couple years. That maybe is the way I should have phrased it." Yeah. Maybe so.
As Ernie Johnson put it: "Rick Fox, rolling over in his grave." Here's the video.
Update! I was just over at basketball-reference.com trying to decide which Shaq-Kobe Lakers team would have kicked this year's Kobe-Gasol team's ass the hardest...but Mr. Yams beat me to the punch. "Seriously though, what the hell was Barkley saying, thinking that this Lakers team is better than some of those Shaq-led ones. The 2001 Lakers swept the 50-win Blazers in the 1st round, swept the 55-win Kings in the 2nd round and swept the 58-win Spurs (including wins by 39 & 29 in Games 3 & 4) in the WCF, before losing one OT game en route to a five-game victory over the 56-win Sixers (with 3 of those wins coming in Philly) for the title. You're gonna tell me that this current Laker team is better than that one?"
Yup. That's the team I would have picked too. They may have "only" won 56 games, but Kobe missed 14 games and Shaq missed 8. You could probably point to the 67-win team from 2000 too -- you know, "The Glen Rice Team"* -- but Kobe wasn't nearly as good as he would become the very next season.
*That was the year when Glen Rice decided that 12.3 shots per game wasn't good enough, even though he got the chance to play with Shaq and Kobe and win a championship. The next season, he was in New York getting 10 shots per game, winning 48 games, and getting knocked out of the playoffs in the first round by the Toronto Raptors. Good call, Glen. A few seasons later, Rice finished up his career by playing 18 games for the Los Angeles Clippers. Sometimes Karma really is a bitch.
God bless Barkley, indeed. And Webber's awestruck reaction really was the best; it even succeeded in getting Chuck to back down and revise his statement to: "Let me rephrase that. I think this Laker team is potentially, they could win a lot of championships in the next couple years. That maybe is the way I should have phrased it." Yeah. Maybe so.
As Ernie Johnson put it: "Rick Fox, rolling over in his grave." Here's the video.
Update! I was just over at basketball-reference.com trying to decide which Shaq-Kobe Lakers team would have kicked this year's Kobe-Gasol team's ass the hardest...but Mr. Yams beat me to the punch. "Seriously though, what the hell was Barkley saying, thinking that this Lakers team is better than some of those Shaq-led ones. The 2001 Lakers swept the 50-win Blazers in the 1st round, swept the 55-win Kings in the 2nd round and swept the 58-win Spurs (including wins by 39 & 29 in Games 3 & 4) in the WCF, before losing one OT game en route to a five-game victory over the 56-win Sixers (with 3 of those wins coming in Philly) for the title. You're gonna tell me that this current Laker team is better than that one?"
Yup. That's the team I would have picked too. They may have "only" won 56 games, but Kobe missed 14 games and Shaq missed 8. You could probably point to the 67-win team from 2000 too -- you know, "The Glen Rice Team"* -- but Kobe wasn't nearly as good as he would become the very next season.
*That was the year when Glen Rice decided that 12.3 shots per game wasn't good enough, even though he got the chance to play with Shaq and Kobe and win a championship. The next season, he was in New York getting 10 shots per game, winning 48 games, and getting knocked out of the playoffs in the first round by the Toronto Raptors. Good call, Glen. A few seasons later, Rice finished up his career by playing 18 games for the Los Angeles Clippers. Sometimes Karma really is a bitch.
Labels: Charles Barkley, Chris Webber, Ernie Johnson, Kenny "The Jet" Smith, Kobe Bryant, TNT
Riddle me this, Batman: If the Celtics are secure enough in their masculinity to get all jiggy with LeBron's man region, why did Rajon Rondo look so awkward during this fist-on-ass butt slap of Paul Pierce? Hard to say. Maybe he's thinking: "Those aren't pillows..."
Also, looks like Eddie House wants a piece of that action.
Thanks to Sarah for keeping her heart open and her eyes on the lookout for man love. You are helping me make the world a better place.
Also, looks like Eddie House wants a piece of that action.
Thanks to Sarah for keeping her heart open and her eyes on the lookout for man love. You are helping me make the world a better place.
Labels: fan submissions, Kevin Garnett, man love, Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo
The New Orleans bench: Astute readers of this site know that I've had a hairy eyeball on the Hornets' reserves for most of the season, particularly after Jeff Bower "strengthened" the team's bench by trading away Bobby Jackson for Pit Bull and The Bonz. Which, honestly, should have been enough to disqualify Bower from NBA Executive of the Year voting, not a reason for him to finish third.
As the risk of going all Basketball 101 here, the lack of solid and reliable bench play will wear a team down over the course of a long season and extended playoff series (for further reading, see the 1984-85, 1986-87 and 1987-88 Boston Celtics). Because that means the coach is basically asking his starters to log all the big minutes, play great (or at least solid) defense with little rest, withstand various and sundry injuries without time off, carry the rebounding load, and score 80-90 points a game every game for 80-100 games. It's an impossible task, even for the young.
Gregg Popovich knows that, which is why none of his big guns average more than 34 minutes a game. And it doesn't hurt that they play at a pace that's a little easier on the feet, knees, legs and back than what the helter-skelter Suns and Hornets go through. Of course, it helps that he has multiple championships on his resume, which means the Spurs management and owners trust him when he sacrifices some regular season games here or there to save his team from unnecessary wear and tear.
And just check it: Chris Paul played 47 minutes. David West logged 46. Peja was in the game for 44. And Tyson Chandler played 42. Take away Jannero Pargo -- more on him below -- and the New Orleans reserves contributed 1 point (0-for-3), 1 rebound, 1 steal and 2 fouls in nine minutes. Greg Kite could have gotten more done in nine minutes. I mean, at least he would have finished with 6 fouls and probably a couple turnovers.
Fun fact: Bonzi's real name is Gawen Deangelo Wells. The nickname Bonzi originated from the cravings his mother had for ice cream bonbons during her pregnancy with him. (Apparently, he inherited those cravings.) His parents called him "bonbon" until the age of two, when it evolved to what it is today.
The New Orleans Starters: The Hornets were giving me 2001-02 Sacramento Kings flashbacks last night, and it wasn't just the presence of Peja Stojackovic (although he really, really helped). Whether it was fatigue or nerves -- or some combination of the two -- New Orleans' "Fantastic Four" looked like they were afraid of the ball in the fourth quarter.
Peja -- who's been a non-factor since Popovich unleashed Bruce Bowen on him -- shot 3-for-11 from the field and 1-for-5 from downtown, and he even airballed an open three down the stretch. David West finished with 20 and 9, but he boned an open 12-footer, and it was hard to tell whether it was because of a sore back or a tight scrotum. Chris Paul (18 points, 8 rebounds, 14 assists, 5 steals) had an outstanding game, but even he caught a case of don'twannashoottheballitis in the final four minutes or so. And as for Tyson Chandler, well, he's not exactly an offensive option, is he?
Jannero Pargo: Pargs was the only New Orleans player who didn't treat the rock like a hot potato in the fourth quarter. And he went off for 16 points in the final stanza, single-handedly leading the Hornets back from 17 down to within three points. But damn, Jannero...you weren't even letting the ground touch the ball, dog. He was jackin' from the left to the right to the left to the right again. He was not shy. He put up 13 shots in those fateful 12 minutes. And like Ryne from Odenized, I'm not sure whether he was the hero or the goat.
I guess it's like Obi-Wan Kenobi told Luke after Yoda kicked it: Either could be true, depending on your point of view. Which was a pretty slick way of getting out of totally lying to Luke about his father. I've always thought Obi-Wan used the Jedi Mind Trick on Luke in that scene. I mean, it went from "But you told me Vadar betrayed and murdered my father!" to "What I told you was true...from a certain point of view." And Luke just bought it.
Chistastrophe: I don't know who he is, but since he left the following comment, I will let him be the official representative of overreactive Spurs fans everywhere. "I eagerly await whatever bullshit response Basketbawful has for the Spurs resounding victory tonight. Perhaps the Spurs employed some special kind of flop that allows their bench players to drain three pointers. Maybe they flopped so hard it forced CP3 to choke in the biggest game of his life. Or maybe, just maybe, the Spurs are really really good at playing basketball."
Thanks, Chistastrophe, because I myself eagerly await douchey comments from every angry spaz who gets all bent out of shape by one or two posts I make and then freaks out about it. But before the next time you start whining and crying bullshit, do me a favor: Go back and actually read what I have to say. The entire Basketbawful archive is here for your perusal. You show me where, exactly, I ever said the Spurs weren't a good basketball team. Have I ever, anywhere, at any time, ever seriously suggested that the Spurs won four championships through their flop-a-riffic adventures and cheap-shottery? Of course I didn't. You're insane if you think otherwise, and you've got nothing to go on other than your own righteous indignation.
You can't change the fact that, in a league full of floppers, the Spurs are the most flop-tastic. Nor can you change the fact that Tony Parker got outted by his own wife for faking injuries on the court to get calls. You can't pretend the Duncan face doesn't happen over and over and over again every game the Spurs play. Nor can you undo Cheap Shot Rob's thuggary or Bruce Bowen's long, long history of grabbing, elbowing, hitting, kneeing, wacking people in the groin, putting his foot under their feet when they come down from a jump shot, and a thousand other little things that would get his bony ass kicked seven ways to Sunday if it happened anywhere other than on a professional basketball court...where Bruce "Lee" Bowen is protected by the very rules he repeatedly violates.
So honestly, don't blame me for pointing out what's going on right in front of you. I didn't create all that ugliness; I just held a mirror up to it. When Gregg Popovich goes to the Hack-A-Whoever strategy -- which I see as an affront to the sport -- I'm going to point it out. When the Spurs use an array of flops to draw five iffy fouls in three minutes and get the opposing team's two best players in foul trouble in the playoffs where physical play is the rule rather than the exception, I'm going to point it out. When one of their players launches himself directly into the back of an injured player during a 20-point blowout, I'm going to point it out.
Here's the thing: It's not like I'm not making this stuff up. This isn't me saying, "You know how I know the Spurs are gay? Because Robert Horry still has Will Smith's haircut from 1989." These things have happened. It's out there for public consumption. Everybody sees it. Everybody knows about it. No, it doesn't mean that the Spurs don't play smart, fundamental, championship-winning basketball, nor does it change the fact that they are the model any and every team should emulate. But no matter how hard you and other Spurs fans try to rewrite history, all that other stuff is just as much a part of their legacy as all the hardware in their trophy case.
So please, stop ragging on me for pointing that out and ask yourself why you think it's all okay? If winning at any cost is cool with you, then fine. As a fan, that's your choice to make. But if that is, in fact, the case, I can't help but wonder why me shining a flashlight on all the dirty stuff bothers you so much.
Random note: Those of you who claim I never say anything positive about the Spurs or their winning ways obviously didn't ready today's NBA Closer column.
Damon Stoudamire: Anybody else notice he's not even on the Spurs game roster since Game 5?
Update! Charles Barkley: In an effort to get things back on their usual funny track, loyal reader Wild Yams reminded me of something I should have remembered on my own. "I meant to mention earlier that Charles Barkley probably shoulda been included in the WotN for a couple things last night. First for his very unintentionally funny bit with EJ about his gambling. Not only was it just really weird to see those two all alone on the set trying to have a serious moment (especially with Barkley's glaringly white sneakers and socks to go with his suit), but Barkley said he was never going to gamble again, which he immediately clarified to mean 'in the next year or two.' That was priceless, and so was EJ trying to bait him into breaking it by saying 'wanna bet?' Inside the NBA is the wrong place for serious talk like that from the Chuckster, I'm afraid.
"Chuck's second big gaffe was saying that this Laker team is the best one Kobe's ever been on, although him saying that was totally worth it for Webber's fantastic reaction of wanting to walk off the set in disbelief. I love how Barkley shoots from the hip like that and doesn't think through the things he's about to say (see above), because every now and then he'll let fly with a Bill Walton-esque bit of hyperbole like that. God bless Barkley."
Right you are, Mr. Yams. Right you are. Although I'd probably say that Chuck shoots from the lip rather than the hip, but potato, tomato, as Joy Turner might say. Here's his "apology" for gambling:
And here's where he slams his giant, club foot in his mouth about Kobe's "best team":
Labels: bench play, Bruce Bowen, Chris Paul, David West, flopping, New Orleans Hornets, Peja Stojakovic, Robert Horry, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night
Last week, Kevin Garnett did it. Then, last night, Paul Pierce did it too. So can anybody tell me: What the bleep is up with guys grabbing for LeBron's junk? Don't they know that the King's Scepter is not meant for the hands of mortal men? With an emphasis on the "men" part.
Thanks to Evil Ted for keeping an eye on LeBron's royal jewels. It's a dirty job, gonad-watching, but some poor schmuck's gotta do it.
Thanks to Evil Ted for keeping an eye on LeBron's royal jewels. It's a dirty job, gonad-watching, but some poor schmuck's gotta do it.
Labels: genitals, Kevin Garnett, Lebron James, man love, Paul Pierce
Obviously, there's no way I could not comment on yesterday's Game 7 showdown between Paul Pierce and Lebron James. It was, simply put, the most amazing two-man show I've seen in decisive Game 7 since...well...
The new Larry versus Dominique: The parallels are almost bizarre, aren't they? Both were Game 7s in Boston. One happened in the 1988 Eastern Conference Semifinals, the other in the 2008 Eastern Conference Semifinals. In both cases, the winner would move on to face the Detroit Pistons in the Eastern Conference Finals. Both featured a Celtics superstar with a wispy porn-style mustache and a rival superstar who might be the most physically dynamic player in the league. If only Brian Scalabrine could have been on the active roster to fulfill Fred Roberts' "awkward white guy cheering from the bench" role, it would have been perfect. (Veal cheering in street clothes just isn't the same.)
In some ways, this duel was (please don't strike me down, Basketball Gods) even better than the Larry and 'Nique show. After all, Bird's performance in that classic Game 7 was just so-so -- and maybe even sub-par -- through three quarters before the Legend exploded in the fourth, scoring 20 points on 9-for-10 shooting. In this case, Pierce and James were both forces for each and every quarter. And whereas Larry spent most of his Game 7 guarding Antoine Carr while Kevin McHale checked Dominique, Truth spent most of his Game 7 guarding LeBron and vice versa.
The final tallies speak volumes: Paul (41 points, 13-for-23, 11-for-12 from the line, 4 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 steals) and LeBron (45 points, 14-for-29, 14-for-19 from the line, 5 rebounds, 6 assists, 2 steals). And then when you take into account the fact that they were guarding each other and the refs were letting a lot of contact go and it was a Game 7, well, those performances were truly legen...wait for it...dary.
As LeBron put it: "We both tried to will our team to victory and, just like Dominique Wilkins, I ended up on the short end and the Celtics won again. I think the second round of the postseason, Game 7, these fans will finally have an opportunity to forget a little bit about what Larry Bird and Dominique Wilkins did and remember what Paul and LeBron did. This will go down in history." Amen.
Not the new Larry versus Dominique: But before we all get too carried away, let me state emphatically that this Game 7 did not equal that famous Game 7 from 1988. Why? Well, quite simply, because while Pierce and James stepped up and then some, their teammates, by and large, did not. Kevin Garnett finished with 13 points and 13 rebounds, but he was, for the most part, an invisible man on the offensive end. Ray Allen (4 points, 1-for-6) continued to slump so badly that Doc Rivers exiled him to the bench for long stretches of the game. Rajon Rondo (4-for-11) couldn't hit a jump shot and had to be replaced by Eddie House late in the game.
Delonte West (15 points, 5 assists) was the best non-LeBron Cavalier, but he also committed 6 turnovers and missed a wide-open three with about a minute to go that would have tied the game at 91-all. As for the other Cavs, well, Zydrunas Ilgauskas (2-for-8), Ben Wallace (4 points, 4 rebounds), Sasha Pavlovic (3-for-8) Wally Szczerbiak (zero points, 0-for-3) could have all stayed home.
This was most certainly not the case in '88. First off, the two teams combined to shoot 59 percent from the field -- 72 percent in the fourth quarter -- and commit only 15 turnovers between them. And this was despite some intense, hands-all-over-everybody defense.
Kevin McHale was nearly as good as Bird, with 33 points (10-for-14), 13 rebounds, 4 blocked shots (and, naturally, zero assists). Danny Ainge had 13 points and 10 assists. Dennis Johnson finished with 16 points, 4 rebounds, and 8 assists (not to mention a huge steal-and-basket at the end of the third quarter). And Robert Parish added his typically solid 14 points (6-for-10).
Unlike LeBron, Dominique wasn't all on his own. Randy Wittman was red hot (11-for-13) and finished with 22 points. Doc Rivers (16 points, 18 assists) was fantastic. Kevin Willis had a double-double (10 points, 11 rebounds). And Antoine Carr contributed 13 points and 4 rebounds off the bench.
That game was played at an extremely high level on both ends of the ball from tipoff to final buzzer, and both teams -- to a man -- stepped up. That fact, more so than even the back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth duel between the superstars, is why that Game 7 will forever been greater than the Game 7 that we were fortunate enough to witness last night.
But that doesn't mean that Paul and LeBron shouldn't go down as one of the great Game 7s ever.
LeBron James, quote machine: King James is freaking fantastic, no question about it. But his quotes are starting to get to me. He's been talking in third person more and more this season, and while he didn't do that last night, he still had to remind us that he may have lost, but he's no loser. "I have always been a winner, and I am a winner." He's right, you know. LeBron has won a championship at every level except college and the pros. Oh, and the Olympics and World Championships. But other than that...
Doc Rivers versus Mike Brown: These two men can thank Pierce and James for drawing attention away from their dreadful coaching. Doc brought in Eddie House for a short stretch during the first half, and House energized the Celtics and helped change the momentum. Then Doc exiled House to the bench until the closing minutes of the game despite the fact that the Cavaliers weren't even guarding Rondo and his faithless jumper. Why, Doc? Why? And as for Brown...well, methinks Danny Ferry should consider giving Avery Johnson a call.
Okay, now let's go back to Friday night.
Paul Pierce: He shot 5-for-15 and committed 6 turnovers. Hopefully he can redeem himself in Game 7. Oh, wait...
Ray Allen: Ray-Ray shot 3-for-8. He looks awful. He rarely gets open, and when he does, he's forcing his shots. The golden "3" has officially been removed from his locker.
Rajon Rondo: After a dominating performance in Game 5, Rondo got dominated by suck in Game 6: 2 points, 1-for-4, 5 rebounds, 5 assists, 3 turnovers. This kid looked like just that: A kid.
Kendrick Perkins: He had more fouls (5) than rebounds (3), and he continues to move so slowly that Drew Bledsoe was laughing at his foot speed. Not a good sign.
Sam Cassell: DNP-CD. Doc has officially lost faith.
Wally Szczerbiak: The White Larry Hughes shot 2-for-11. He's about to lose his White Larry Hughes status, by the way. Soon he'll just be the Pat Garrity with better hair. Okay, much better hair.
Ben Wallace: Hm. Zero points, 0-for-3, 6 rebounds. Drew Gooden is laughing at this. You know he is.
Sasha Pavlovic: See what happens when you hold out, kids? You forget how to shoot (1-for-6).
Utah Jazz: Mehmet Okur and Deron Williams both had a chance to tie this game in the final seconds, but they both missed a three-pointer. That hardly mattered, though. The Jazz lost this game when they failed to capitalize on the opportunities they had in Game 5. And you could tell that they started Game 6 with a sense of panic. They looked scared of losing. And they got rattled when the Lakers jumped all over them. They tried to make a run in the third quarter, but when L.A. answered they to rattled again, forcing up threes in an attempt to get back quickly. The best example of this was a terrible jacked three by Andrei Kirilenko (of all people) off a busted play.
Of course, that three-point strategy got them back into the game in the fourh, so I guess you could say it "worked." And the patient almost lived. I guess it just goes to show how important it is to have a clutch superstar like Kobe -- who scored 12 points in the final quarter -- and savvy, unshakable veterans like Derek Fisher (16 points) and Pau Gasol (17 points, 13 rebounds, 4 blocks).
The Jazz are a young team, and they played like it. The Lakers are true championship contenders. And they played like it.
Carlos Boozer: Okay, can we please stop all of the Karl Malone comparisons until further notice? Boozer finished with 12 points and 14 rebounds, but he shot 5-for-16. Except for Game 3, Boozer struggled mightily to deal with the beating he was taking in the paint. Quite simply, the physical play of the Lakers took him out of his game. And say what you will about the Mailman, but he dealt with that kind of pounding every game of his career. And he loved it.
But it's more than that. I couldn't help but notice that Boozer was jogging downcourt on offense all series long. Malone never did that. He always sprinted out on the break, unless he was the outlet man, and he always got two or three easy baskets that way. Carlos would do well to copy that.
Tom Brady: Douche.
Yahoo!: I did not know that LeBron James played for the Utah Jazz. Thanks, Yahoo. And thanks to Colin G., Joe L., Maciek, Michael D. and (UPDATE!) Emma for jumping on this and sending me links/screen shots.
Labels: Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Lebron James, Los Angeles Lakers, Paul Pierce, Utah Jazz
A reader named indyjones1024 tried to drop the whammy on me in today's When is a flop a flop? post. Here's what he had to say:
"Here's my definition: In basketball, a 'flop' occurs when a clearly biased observer (read: basketbawful) overreacts to an embelishment [sic] of routine physical contact displayed by a player of the team the observer unabashedly dislikes (read: Spurs or Lakers), during a basketball game in which said team in [sic] competeing. A 'mental' or, some might say, 'moral' flop is committed when said observer fails to acknowledge, let alone denounce, examples of flopping committed by the teams he favors (read: Hornets or Suns), choosing instead to endlessly harp on those examples that 'prove' his bias against certain teams (read: Spurs and Lakers) is justified. This is often accompianied by photo graphic 'evidence' that proves his assertions."
I responded to this comment by creating yet another new term: The "critic flop." This happens when a quibbler tries to censure someone else's (read: my) opinion without providing specific examples of similar skulduggery (read: wholesale flop-a-paloozas by one of "my teams").
I also issued Mr. 1024 the following challenge, and I'm opening it up to everybody else who reads this site: Find an example in which either the Hornets or Suns were on the receiving end of multiple flop-style offensive fouls in a single minute -- or even a couple of minutes -- during a critical stretch of a crucial home playoff game. And the calls should put two of the opposing team's best players in foul trouble.
If anybody can do that, then I hereby promise to write a special post all about it, crediting my vanquisher and apologizing for my unforgivably biased rhetoric.
Okay. This is everybody's one-time chance to make me eat crow. Good luck.
Rules and restrictions: Entries where evidence is cited as "I remember this one time when..." will not be accepted. Winning entries must have some manner of verifiable evidence (video, AP recap, play-by-play, game log, etc.). Entries must meet the criteria described above because the incidents in last night's Hornets-Spurs game precipitated the discussion. Also note that I will not get into a semantic argument with entrants. As long as each play displays "an embelishment of routine physical contact," I will deem it an acceptable flop.
Note: The graphic accompanying this post is not indyjones1024. It is, in fact, a picture of yours truly rocking an Indiana Jones costume last Halloween. You might not be able to tell, but those are movie-accurate clothes and props, including Indy's vintage British Mark VII gas mask bag. And just in case you're wondering: Yes, I will be wearing this costume, plus the leather jacket, when I go see Indy IV next week. [/geeking]
Labels: challenges, critics, fan submissions, Indiana Jones, officiating, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs
Seriously. I want to know. I got several grumbly comments from Spurs fans stating that last night's offensive foul calls were totally legit. But you know, my favorite era of basketball occurred in the mid-80s to mid-90s, and other than the usual suspects -- Bill Laimbeer, Dennis Rodman, Reggie Miller, Vlade Divac -- I don't remember seeing so many flailing bodies flying and falling all over the damn court. Nor do I remember men the size of Tim Duncan and Kurt Thomas (shown flopping above) getting brutalized by men the size of the miniature Chris Paul.
Oh, and when I play pickup basketball, it's funny how I never seem to get run over by guys who are almost 100 pounds (!!) lighter than I am (Duncan weighs in at 260 pounds; Paul is 175 soaking wet). Uh, it's called the Law of Physics, people. Look it up. It'll be in a big book called "Science."
So let's come up with a consensus answer. What's a flop? Does anybody even know anymore? According to some of you, I don't. And, apparently, the refs don't either...since it's okay for Pau Gasol to climb Mehmet Okur's back like a fireman's ladder but CP3 can use his tiny forearm to fling Bruce Bowen 15 feet across the court.
Labels: flopping, officiating, San Antonio Spurs
Robert Horry: The more things change, the more they don't. Around this time last year, Cheap Shot Rob thugged Steve Nash and set off a chain of events that will haunt the Phoenix Suns franchise forever. Now, did Horry know that Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw were going to jump off the Suns bench to see what happened to their fallen teammate? Of course not. But Horry did know that he was delivering a much-harder-than-necessary foul after the outcome of the game had already been decided. The only point of taking Nash out at that moment was, well, taking Nash out.
It was the same deal last night. There were still 10 minutes left in the game, but the Spurs were leading by 21 and the Hornets -- with the exception of Chris Paul -- were going down rather quietly. But that's when Horry chose to strike, setting a pick that literally took David West out of the game. Here's the video from Odenized.
Now, some people immediately dismissed the play as a "hard foul" and/or "playoff basketball." And to those people I say: Shenanigans. Horry measured West and gave him a shot right in the lower back. Horry knew West's back was injured. Everybody knew West's back was injured. It was a textbook example of a cheap shot.
Look, I've played a lot of basketball over the years, both organized and not-so-organized. Stuff like that doesn't happen by accident. It just doesn't. And if you think otherwise, then you're fooling yourself. Horry measured West and gave him a really hard -- and clearly illegal, since it resulted in an offensive foul -- shot into a part of West's body that was known to be injured. Did Horry intend to take West out of the game, or even incapacitate him for Game 7? Probably not. But that barely makes the act any less senseless. And whether he meant for it to happen or not, there's a pretty good likelihood that West will be far from 100 percent for Game 7. Which is a pretty good tradeoff for a simple offensive foul, isn't it?
And for those of you who are inevitably going to defend Mr. Cheap Shot, go ahead and answer this question in your defense: How would you react if you were playing pickup basketball and somebody purposely took a shot at your injured back/knee/ankle/whatever? Would you laugh it off as just a good, hard basketball play? Or would you want to strangle the guy?
Evil Ted's take: "After watching the Horry incident in regular and slow motion, I told Basketbawful that it looked mild, and that West shouldn't be playing professional basketball if his back can't sustain a hit like that. Of course, with each passing moment, I had to add preface after preface to my opinion. First, with West's pre-existing back condition, it makes the hit far more nefarious -- a true 'Sweep the leg' Cobra Kai moment. Second, if the hit had ever been issued to a bad-back-plagued Larry Bird and he went down, I would want blood and lots of it. Third, the hit illustrates the true subtle genius of the Spurs.
"They play basketball nowadays about as 'dirty' as any team in the league, but no casual basketball observer (that includes NBA officials, whom I now consider 'casual basketball observers,' by the way) could ever quite put a finger on what the Spurs are doing. From Ginobli flopping to the Duncan face to the Parker Oscar nominations to the Bowen foot defense to the Horry picks...every questionable thing the Spurs do must be analyzed in slow motion from ten different angles to determine whether there was intent or chicanery on a given play. No other team in the league has come close to perfecting this subtlety. It is very clear most of the time when other teams in the league are playing dirty -- they know nothing but shoving, clotheslining, punching, elbowing, kicking, etc. Many of us may despise the Spurs, but give them this: They have 100% perfected playing "their style" within the constraints of the league's rules and the officials' perceptions.
Historical precedent: Hey, Evil Ted: You might want to avoid this one for fear of the resulting bloodlust. Chuck Person put a hard pick straight into Larry Bird's achy-breaky back in Game 5 of the 1991 first round series between the Pacers and Celtics. Everybody knew what Person had done, but it was "only" a foul, right? Boston still won that game and moved on to the second round, but Person's cheap shot set off back spasms that were bad enough to force Bird to miss the first game of the Celtics' second round series with the Pistons. Not coincidentally, Boston lost that game.
Flopfest '08: Last night's game was competitive until the all-important third quarter, then everything fell apart for the Hornets. In a one minute, five second span, Chris Paul got called for two offensive fouls -- his third and fourth personals of the game -- and David West got numbers two and three, which were followed a couple minutes later by number four. All of a sudden, the Hornets were in foul trouble and the Spurs were rolling out to a huge lead. Game, set, match.
And, naturally, some of those critical fouls came courtesy of San Antonio's ongoing flopstravaganza. The NBA: Where The World Cup happens.
Mark Jackson: Shame on Action Jackson for repeatedly defending the Spurs' flop-a-thon. I wonder how he'd feel if he was playing or coaching against the Spurs in this situation?
David West: Even before Horry took him out, you could tell West just didn't have it. He had 10 points on 4-for-14 shooting, and both his mobility and ability to mix it up in the paint were limited. But that's pretty much what happens when somebody plays basketball with a bad back.
Peja Stojakovic: He scored 13 points on 5-for-10 shooting, which isn't terrible...unless you consider that, with West already hurting, the Hornets absolutely needed him to have a great game. But Peja has been almost entirely taken out of this series by Bowen's defense. Which is hard to believe, given Peja's rich history of playoff success. [/sarcasm]
Morris Peterson: The "fifth starter" for the Hornets, Mo Pete provided a listless performance: 3 points, 1-for-5 shooting, 6 rebounds, 2 assists. And in case you didn't realize this, New Orleans needs a solid contribution from every starter because of...
The New Orleans bench: Other than Julian Wright (8 points, 4-for-8), the Hornets got no significant contributions off the bench. Jannero Pargo (2 points, 1-for-6, zero assists), Bonzi Wells (zero points, 0-for-3), and Melvin Ely (5 points, 1-for-3) were awful. It's never good when you have to get 80-90 points out of your starting five every game, but that's where the Hornets are right now.
Road teams: They are now 1-20 in the second round. And counting.
Labels: bench play, David West, officiating, Peja Stojakovic, Robert Horry, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night
Every now and then, I'll bet a friend some insignificant amount of money -- usually a dollar -- that this or that will happen in a basketball game, or a football game, or maybe even the World Pillow Fight Championships. But when I win, my buddies never pay up. I have no idea how much money this has cost me over the years. It could be tens of dollars, it could be thousands. Heck, for all I know, I should be retired and swimming in my giant money bin, Scrooge McDuck-style. But I never asked for the money, so I have no one to blame but myself.
Unlike me, one Las Vegas casina -- the Wynn Casino, to be exact -- is asking, nay, demanding that Charles Barkley make good on his $400,000 gambling debt. Apparently, Sir Swindler conveniently misremembered to cover four $100,000 casino markers (loans) he got from Wynn last October. And unless Chuck ponies up the cash, he could end up in jail. Again.
Update! Chuck has responded. "My mistake. I'm not broke, and I'm going to take care of it. I've been gambling 20 years. I've never had this happen before. It's my fault I let the time lapse. I screwed up. All they had to do is call and say, 'Hey, you owe us this money.'"
So I guess that's that. But you know what? I hope Charles and Kenny Smith put together a Barkley's Eleven to get the money back. Especially if Wynn is run by a menacing bastard who's currently dating Barkley's long-lost love while also totally screwing over one of Chuck's best friends. Ernie Johnson could be the straight man, Magic Johnson could say a bunch of silly things, and...well, you get the idea. That would be so rad.
Labels: Charles Barkley, debts, gambling, Kenny "The Jet" Smith, Las Vegas
Sasha Pavlovic: He was easily the least productive Cavalier -- among those that saw some PT -- and that's really saying something: 10 minutes, zero points (0-for-1), 1 rebound, 1 steal and 1 foul. But in another statistical anomaly that Mr. Lenova has yet to adequately explain, Sasha had the best +/- score on the team (+4). So, what? He's unproductive but invaluable?
Daniel Gibson: It's probably been official for a while now, but I'm going to say it anyway: Delonte West has rendered Boobie obsolete. And now Boobs, like Sasha, is stuck in a Catch-and-Shoot-22: He's not effective unless he's getting shots, but he's not going to get any shots unless he becomes more effective. And it showed (again) last night: 2 points, 1-for-4, 1 block and 1 foul in 14 minutes of lack-tion. It's hard to believe this now, but does anybody else remember how crucial Boobie was when the Cavs eliminated the Pistons in the Eastern Conference Finals last year?
Wally Szczerbiak: After a couple solid games in Cleveland, Wally transformed back into the White Larry Hughes by dropping 10 points on 3-for-8 shooting to go along with 4 rebounds, zero assists, 1 turnover and 2 fouls.
Ben Wallace: He's still
Mike Brown: Not to go all kinky on you guys, but I'm starting to think that Brown is into autoerotic asphyxiation, because he tends to coach with both hands around his neck. And last night was no exception. And here are a few fun comments left about Brown on my NBA Closer Column:
Magnakai Haaskivi: You know, Mike Brown...just because a plan worked ONCE doesn't mean it'll work EVERY SINGLE TIME. You have to assume they'll adjust to your adjustments.
Burning River: Dear Mike Brown, Two things: first, please stop running a ball screen for LeBron. If you don't do this, Boston cannot double up on him. Second, Please do not have Wally on the floor when you have 3 time outs and need a rebound. Thanks, Everyone in Cleveland
Juancho: Seriously, to blow a 14-point lead, cut it 4, and end up losing by 7...Mike Brown...(speechless)...this series is like the bad basketball coaching death octagon: 2 teams will enter, but only 1 coach should be allowed to leave.
Ray Allen: Mr. Shuttlesworth played okay...for Wally Szczerbiak. The line: 11 points, 4-for-11, 3 rebounds, 2 assists, 3 turnovers. Not a bad 40 minutes worth of work for a perennial All-Star, huh? His transformation into Chris Mullin circa 1999 is now complete. Oh, and Rajon Rondo (20 points, 2-for-3 from downtown, 13 assists) may have officially taken Ray-Ray's place in The Mid-Sized Three.
LeBron James: The final numbers were fantastic -- 35 points, 12-for-25 from the field, 11-for-13 from the line, 5 assists -- but after scoring 23 points in the first 20 minutes, King James sent cold, going 4-for-14 and getting burned by Paul Pierce. LeBron also committed 4 turnovers and, after the game, fell back into talking in the third person: "We know it's a win-or-go-home situation...but a LeBron James team is never desperate."
Kendrick Perkins: You can't even say The Beast looked as slow and helpless as Big Ben...because he looked even more slow and helpless. Perkins scored 1 points (0-for-2), grabbed 5 rebounds, threw the ball away twice, had one of his shots stuffed and committed 4 fouls in 28 minutes of sheer ugliness. It's like he's channeling the spirit of Greg Kite.
Doc Rivers: Doc pulled a K.C. Jones last night by playing four of his starters 40+ minutes. It "worked" insofar as the Celtics won the game. But if Boston continues to struggle on the road and has to play seven-game series after seven-game series to proceed, they're going to get worn down. Oh, and his management of the last few minutes of the game was (as usual) terrible.
The Boston Bench: As noted, they didn't get much of a chance to shine, as Doc played got only a combined 45 minutes out of his reserves. And Gang Green promptly sunk to the occasion: 9 points, 4-for-11 shooting, 5 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 turnovers, 2 steals, and 9 fouls. And their numbers were only that good because of Big Baby Davis (6 points, 3-for-4).
Eddie House: He gets special attention for earning his second mario of the playoffs.
Doc Rivers, quote machine: Regarding Rajon Rondo's two three-pointers, Doc said: "Those were shots that when they go in, you love them." Thanks for the enlightenment, Doc.
Carlos Boozer: He shot almost 55 percent from the field during the regular season, but you wouldn't even guess that based on how he's been shooting in this series. Last night, the Booz Man was 6-for-16. And part of the problem has been his reliance on the jump shot, and he was 2-for-8 from outside last night. C'mon, Carlos! You're an inside player. Play inside. Karl Malone didn't start shooting bailout jumpers until he was almost 40.
Paul Millsap: This guy really frustrates me, so I can't imagine how crazy he's driving Jerry Sloan. Some nights, he looks so good, like in Game 2 when he kept the Jazz in the game with 17 points and 10 rebounds. Other nights, he just disappears like most of your buddies do when you have to move to a new apartment. Last night was one of those "other nights": Zero points (0-for-0), 3 rebounds, 3 turnovers and 4 fouls in 7 minutes.
Jarron Collins: He won the Most Invisible Seven-footer of the Night ward: Zero points (0-for-0) and 1 rebound in 2:33. Take away the rebound, and that would have been a vintage Jason Collins performance.
Sasha Vujacic: I enjoy seeing douchebags fail, so Sasha gave me a happy last night by scoring 6 points on 1-for-11 shooting. He was 1-for-8 on threes, which -- in addition to slap-happy defense -- is his supposed specialty.
Luke Walton: Mitch Kupchak finished second in NBA Executive of the Year voting, and it was well-deserved. For the most part. But the six-year, $30 million contract he gave to Walton was as good a reason as any that Kups didn't come in first. The Son of Bill must have been channeling the spirit of his daddy's feet, because he played a pretty worthless 13 minutes: 1 point, 0-for-1, 2 rebounds, zero assists, 1 turnover, 1 steal and 2 personal fouls. And just think: The Lakers can look forward to five more years of this!
D.J. Mbenga: One night after Arron Afflalo did it -- and yeah, I realize I boned that one -- Mbenga matched Afflalo's seemingly impossible feat: He played exactly one second. As Basketbawful reader Justin put it: "Wednesday night, DJ 'Jazzy' Mbenja achieved the most inconceivably awesome Super Mario ever: he played for one second. I've been racking my brain for the proper term for such an epic event, but I'm too excited about saying DJ 'Jazzy' Mbenja to even try thinking of one. But if there is any man capable of both tackling this issue and actually caring about it, I know that man is you." Thank you, Justin. And I am that man. I would describe the event as phenomenally sad, kind of like watching somebody stuff sick kittens into a blender and hit "liquify." Actually, it's a little sadder than that.
Officiating: I'm not going to blast the fact that the Lakers got another 40+ freethrows at home -- although they did -- but I am going to shred the refs for letting Pau Gasol go over the back to score the Lakers' game-breaking basket. As NovakAintNoJokovic put it in my Closer column: "Did anyone else think Gasol's 'crucial' offensive-rebound-and-put-back with 20 seconds to go should have been called an over-the-back? He basically gave Okur a shiatsu massage before shoving him out of the way." The answer, of course, is yes, yes and yes.
Update! Road teams: The road teams are now 1-19 in the second round. That's historically bad. Anybody care to explain the road woes? I'm sure it has nothing to do with The Stern Button, or the fact that extended series bring in a lot of revenue. And don't forget, this stuff started happening at the very beginning of the Stern Era.
NBA Executive of the Year voters: Danny Ainge won the award, as he should have, and Mitch Kupchak came in second, as he should have. And coming in third, only two votes behind Kups, was...New Orleans GM Jeff Bower? Seriously? What, because he sat on Chris Paul, David West and Tyson Chandler? That was a no-brainer. Or was it because he dealt a useful reserve (Bobby Jackson) for a chunky malcontent (Bonzi Wells) and a shoot-happy bench jockey (Mike James). I would really like to hear an explanation for those 12 votes.
NBA.com: Last night's two-face promo featured LeBron James versus...Kevin Garnett? Nope. It was actually LeBron versus LeBron. And here I thought there could be only one. (Thanks to Erich, j men and Milad for jumping all over this one.)
Update! NBA.com's fantasy "expert": They picked Wally Szczerbiak as last night's breakout fantasy player. Whoops. Basketbawful reader Milan pointed this one out to me.
Random Evil Ted extra: "Has there ever really been a SERIOUS caption error? Unless of course it's a writ from the Governor that mistakenly says "Execute this man" instead of "DON'T execute this man."
Labels: Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, fan submissions, Lebron James, Los Angeles Lakers, Mike Brown, NBA playoffs, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Night
So when I, Evil Ted, am not at Blockbuster scoping out creepy Steve Nash or slightly less creepy Dirk Nowitzki bobble head dolls, I haunt my local Target in search of NBA trinkets that amuse me. OK, I wasn't actually IN the store for that purpose, but on my way out I saw something that actually caused me to turn around and re-enter the place:
So let me get this straight: someone at TOPPS decided to put Bill Russell, the winningest player of all time, on the cover of their card package next to Greg Oden, who has never even played in one professional game?
My first thought was: perhaps the idea at TOPPS was to achieve some sort of historical symmetry - "Let's juxtapose the basketball player who has achieved EVERYTHING with the player who has achieved NOTHING." And I'm not exaggerating here: aside from managing to remain sedated for microfracture surgery on his right knee, Greg Oden has literally not done anything for the world of pro basketball - hasn't scored one point, not one rebound, not one assist, not one dribble.
My second thought was: maybe these trading card people have to work on their covers so far in advance (due to the production delays associated with migrant Chinese labor), that they didn't even know Oden would be a lame duck at the time they made these cards. Lo and behold, my hypothesis was proven valid by the baseball cards displayed one spot to the right:
Yup, that's lying, cheating, steroid-injecting Roger Clemens on the cover. I'm presuming the "Updates and Highlights" include a Grand Jury Indictment of some sort?
Next up for TOPPS: Your 2008-2009 Michael Vick NFL Trading Cards.
So let me get this straight: someone at TOPPS decided to put Bill Russell, the winningest player of all time, on the cover of their card package next to Greg Oden, who has never even played in one professional game?
My first thought was: perhaps the idea at TOPPS was to achieve some sort of historical symmetry - "Let's juxtapose the basketball player who has achieved EVERYTHING with the player who has achieved NOTHING." And I'm not exaggerating here: aside from managing to remain sedated for microfracture surgery on his right knee, Greg Oden has literally not done anything for the world of pro basketball - hasn't scored one point, not one rebound, not one assist, not one dribble.
My second thought was: maybe these trading card people have to work on their covers so far in advance (due to the production delays associated with migrant Chinese labor), that they didn't even know Oden would be a lame duck at the time they made these cards. Lo and behold, my hypothesis was proven valid by the baseball cards displayed one spot to the right:
Yup, that's lying, cheating, steroid-injecting Roger Clemens on the cover. I'm presuming the "Updates and Highlights" include a Grand Jury Indictment of some sort?
Next up for TOPPS: Your 2008-2009 Michael Vick NFL Trading Cards.
Labels: Bill Russell, Cards, Clemens, Greg Oden, Topps
Have you ever wanted a bird's-eye view into the life of a legend? Ever wonder what Lawsuit Larry is doing when he's not destroying the Pacers or suing the pants off of hapless resort owners? Then prepare for a Basketbawful exclusive: Watch in thrilling Bawful-O-Vision as a few lucky Hoosiers get to fulfill their lifelong dream...of having lunch with Larry Bird. And based on the evidence, when Larry offers to spring for "lunch," he apparently means "a few glasses of apple juice in a random Conseco Fieldhouse boardroom." The cornerstone of every nutritious starvation.
Note that the Pacers organization called this The Ultimate Experience. Of course, this happened in Indiana, where the terms "ultimate" and "experience" mean radically different things than you might expect.
Best quote: Kelly Simms, the big winner, said: "What am I going to remember? The size of Larry's Hands...NO!" [Nervous laughter]
Note that the Pacers organization called this The Ultimate Experience. Of course, this happened in Indiana, where the terms "ultimate" and "experience" mean radically different things than you might expect.
Best quote: Kelly Simms, the big winner, said: "What am I going to remember? The size of Larry's Hands...NO!" [Nervous laughter]
Labels: Indiana Pacers, Larry Bird, Videos
The Orlando Magic: They had every opportunity to steal Game 5. Detroit's starting point guard -- All-Star Chauncey Billups -- missed the game with a hamstring injury. (Or am I supposed to just call it "a hamstring" these days?) The Pistons shot only 36 percent from the field and 3-for-14 from distance. And still the Magic lost.
Orlando managed to miss 12 freethrows and commit 21 turnovers...which led to 34 points for the Pistons. So basically -- MATH ALERT!! -- the Magic gave Detroit 46 free points, which is a lot to give away in a 5-point loss.
It's also worth noting that the Magic forced only 3 turnovers -- and none after the first quarter -- despite the fact that the Pistons had to play a rookie, backup point guard for 33 minutes.
Dwight Howard: He dominated the boards (17), but he shot 6-for-15 from the line and threw the ball away 4 times. It might be time to change his nickname from "Superman" to "Shaq Jr." And that is not a compliment.
The Big
Hedo Turkoglu: Okay, this was more of a great play by Tayshaun Prince than it was a boned play by Hedo, but it's still a bigtime shutdown in an elimination game. Ego-ectomy, anybody?
For the record, the Magic accumulated 76 assists and 76 turnovers over the course of this five-game series. So I'll go Hubie on you again and say, "That is not a good ratio, okay?"
Rip Hamilton: He scored 31 points and was 16-for-16 from the line. But that's not the performance that bugged me. It was another performance that happened in the third quarter that got on my nerves. Hamilton lost the ball on a drive, then flailed around to try and get the call. He didn't, and Orlando ran downcourt and hit a three. I immediately thought to myself, "He's going to get a make-up call next time downcourt." Sure enough, Rip got the ball, ran around a screen, drew contact and got the whistle. There was only one problem: The contact was clearly initiated by...Tayshaun Prince! And since the Magic were in the penalty, Rip got two freethrows. I really hate officiating sometimes...
Detroit's bench: Rodney Stuckey started due to Billups' injury, and he played great (15 points, 5-for-10, 6 assists, zero turnovers). Without Stuckey to lead them, the Pistons reserves sucked a fatty: 4 points on 1-for-11 shooting, 7 rebounds, 2 assists in almost 45 minutes of lack-tion.
Arron Afflalo: He had a mario last night: 1 second worth of PT.
Tim Duncan: Has Timmy been hitting the Hurricanes down in the Big Easy? Because he's been shooting with some blurry vision in New Orleans. Duncan shot a combined 7-for-20 in Games 1 and 2, and he was 5-for-18 last night. He tried to make up for it by grabbing 23 rebounds -- which is the single-game high for this year's playoffs -- but the Spurs rely on three players to carry the bulk of their scoring load...and Tim's one of those three players.
Manu the Starter: Starting Manu over Michael Finley was exactly what the Spurs needed in Games 3 and 4, but it backfired last night. Manu scored 20, but he was only 5-for-15 from the field. Moreover, Finley scored only 2 points (1-for-6) in 15 minutes. I think it's pretty clear that Finley's effectiveness is reduced almost to nil when his minutes are drastically reduced.
Anybody who guarded David West: Holy Moses. West was so hot last night that I got first degree burns from just watching him destroy any and every Spur who dared to defend him. Tim Duncan included. West finished with 38 points, 14 rebounds, 5 assists and 5 blocked shots. If you thought Fabricio Oberto was ugly before, imagine what he looks like now that West scorched his eyebrows off.
Bonzi Wells and Mike James: Remember how the Hornets brought these guys in to give them a little extra punch off the bench. Well, that punch has turned out to be a nutshot, but not to the Hornets' opponents. Bonzi scored zero points (0-for-1) and committed 3 fouls in 6 minutes, and James -- a classic Catch-and-Shoot-22 guy -- scored 3 points in a little less than two minutes of garbage time.
Robert Horry: Okay. Now that he finally surpassed Kareem Abdul-Jabbar for the most playoff games in NBA history (238), it's time for Ben Gay Bob to hang up his sneakers. He played 7:22 last night, and he finished with more fouls (4) than points, rebounds and assists (3). He's officially gone from "Can't measure his contributions on a stat sheet" to "Can't measure his contributions in any way, shape or form."
Gregg Popovich: His Hack-a-Whoever strategy combined with his stall ball tactics make me hate basketball. Scratch that. They make me hate watching the Spurs play basketball. I guess that's what Pop would call "championship basketball," but I call it unwatchable bullshit. Excuse my French, Tony.
(Why oh why is there no YouTube of Gregg's little tete-a-tete with Joey Crawford?)
Random fun: Ah, Sir Charles. You continue to be my man crush. Last night, Chuck "mistook" Stan Van Gundy for Ron Jeremy. I really hope that's only because of the mustache. (From Odenized.)
NBA.com: Did you know LeBron James is white? Me neither. Thanks to Rhian from Brazil for the amusing find.
Labels: Detroit Pistons, Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic, Rip Hamilton, Worst of the Night
What's happened to Larry Legend?
A few years back, he inexplicably gave Ron Artest a second chance to screw the Pacers over. Which Ron did. Then he traded Artest for half a season of Peja Stojakovic. When that didn't work out, he spent an entire summer trying to bring Al Harrington back to Indiana, succeeded, and then almost immediately traded Al away (along with Stephen Jackson and some other garbage) for (primarily) Mike Dunleavy Jr. and Troy Murphy. Oh, he also signed Jamaal Tinsley to a six-year contract extension (which lasts through 2010-11) and failed to pull the trigger on several trades that would have gotten Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal and his Contract from the Black Lagoon out of Indiana. And all the while he has been slowly transforming into a fat gremlin.
I thought Larry's outofhisdamnmindness had reached its nadir when he recently told Dan Patrick, "When I think about the fact that he (Kobe) has never won an MVP award, it makes me want to give back one of mine." Holy crap, Larry! Why not just give Boston's 1984 NBA title to the Lakers because Kevin McHale clotheslined Kurt Rambis? Or maybe you should just tell the world that, if you were black, you'd be just another good guy? I mean, what's next??
The answer: This is what's next: Bird is suing two people for using his name in vain.
The gist of the story is this: Georgianna Lincoln and Christopher Cooke bought Larry's childhood home and turned it into a resort called Legend of French Lick. The resort's Web site says that "A unique and unforgettable experience awaits you at Legend of French Lick Resort, the former home of basketball great Larry Bird."
And that's pretty much where the Larry Bird connection ends. It's basically a "Larry used to live here" plug. There's even a big disclaimer at the bottom of the ever page that reads as follows: "Legend of French Lick, LLC, an Indiana limited liability company, owns the former home of Larry Bird. Neither Larry Bird, nor the Larry Joe Bird Revocable Living Trust, nor any entity or person affiliated with Mr. Bird, nor any member of Mr. Bird's family has any legal, financial or other interest in Legend of French Lick, LLC or the Legend of French Lick Resort."
So what's the problem? Larry and, of course, his lawyers are claiming that the couple don't have permission to use his name and are profiting off his trademark by stating the home belonged to him. But...but...the home did belong to him.
Of course, there's a bunch of legal wrangling and back-and-forth stuff that goes much further into trademark law than I care to think about. It seems like a lot of superdickery to me. It's not like this mom and pop resort is costing him money or hurting his good name. But what do I know.
Labels: douchebaggery, frivolous lawsuits, Larry Bird
Today's beefcake surprise is getting slopped onto your plate lunch lady-style by Basketbawful readers Wesley and Jimmy P. Wesley said: "I just saw this picture of LeBron's monster dunk at the end of game 4. KG has a huge handful of man-meat." Remember, Wes: Size is entirely subjective. Is it a "huge handful" or just a "huge hand"? Or...is it both?
Jimmy P said: "TrueHoop's article aside, don't you think this picture would be good for man love? I mean, as much as I hate that people call him King James, KG is all up in his royal jewels." Well, as Tom Withers pointed out: "The Cavaliers were awed by James' stuff." And I guess KG was too.
Jimmy P said: "TrueHoop's article aside, don't you think this picture would be good for man love? I mean, as much as I hate that people call him King James, KG is all up in his royal jewels." Well, as Tom Withers pointed out: "The Cavaliers were awed by James' stuff." And I guess KG was too.
Labels: fan submissions, Kevin Garnett, Lebron James, man love
Catch-and-Shoot-22 (kach'-and-shoot'-twen'-te-too') noun. The impossible situation in which a basketball player -- usually a reserve who sees limited action -- requires a certain number of scoring opportunities to establish an offensive rhythm but rarely (if ever) receives them. It's a classic dilemma that can be best described by the following statement: "Player X can't score unless he gets enough shot attempts, but he won't get enough shot attempts if he can't score."
Usage example: Sasha Pavlovic still isn't getting much time off the Cleveland bench, probably because he's stuck in a Catch-and-Shoot-22.
Word history: The term was coined by Phoenix Suns assistant coach Phil Weber, as noted in Jack McCallum's book :07 Seconds or Less: "Further, as with all shooters, [Eddie] House is in a Catch-22. (Or, as Weber observes, it is a Catch-and-Shoot-22 with House.) [House] needs shots to get going, but, if he can't get it going, it's difficult for D'Antoni to leave him in."
Of course, this is a play on the term Catch-22, which was created by Joseph Heller in his novel Catch-22 and describes a false dilemma for which no real choice exists. According to Wikipedia: "The prototypical Catch-22, as formulated by Heller, involves the case of a U.S. Army Air Forces bombardier Yossarian who wishes to be excused from combat flight duty. In order to be excused, he must submit an official medical diagnosis from his squadron's flight surgeon, demonstrating that he is unfit to fly because he is insane. In fact, according to regulations, any sane person would naturally not want to fly combat missions because they are so dangerous. However, by requesting to have one's sanity evaluated, the airman demonstrates that he is in fact sane and therefore is fit to fly because one has to be sane to recognize one's own insanity."
Players like Pavlovic and House get stuck in Catch-and-Shoot-22s all the time. The same thing happened to former journeyman Jim Jackson. Jimmy proved he could score 20 points on any given night. However, although a lot of teams liked his "instant offense" -- 12 teams in total, to be exact -- his employers became increasingly reluctant to give him the shots necessary for that to happen. And eventually, Jackson was Catch-and-Shoot-22'ed out of the league.
Labels: Eddie House, Jim Jackson, Phoenix Suns, Sasha Pavlovic, Word of the Day
The Boston offense: The Celtics shot 38 percent from the field and 3-for-14 from beyond the arc. Now, without doubt, this was in large part due to the Cleveland defense. But...it's also because Doc Rivers' offensive schemes are slow, plodding and predictable. And, as Charles Barkley pointed out after the game, the Celtics walk it up the court -- slowly -- and their main players are all jump shooters, so they rarely get easy baskets. Especially in the late stages of hard-nosed, defensive games.
Another big problem is actually a function of Boston's unselfish share-the-ball philosophy. Since they never run the offense primarily through any one player, none of their money shooters ever get on a big roll. When was the last time, for instance, that Paul Pierce went off for 40 points? If Doc senses one of his big guns is slumping, he'll run a handful of plays to try and get that player going, but it rarely lasts beyond one quarter. As a result, there's no real continuity and all of Boston's end-of-game possessions feel awkward and forced. Which, again, is in part attributable to the opposing defense. But it's also because the Celtics don't have an offense that creates easy, open shots for their players...and their players can't create them on their own.
The
LeBron James' shooting: King James had a strong game -- 21 points, 6 rebounds, 13 assists, 3 steals, 2 blocked shots -- and he took over in the fourth quarter, dropping dimes, hitting a dagger three and dropping a dunkbomb on KG (more on that below). But his shooting is awful, even by our ultra-low standards. Let me put it this way: He was 7-for-20 last night, and he actually improved his shooting average for the series (to 26 percent). If I was LeBron's teammate, I'd be afraid to touch the ball after him; there's no telling whether his shooting disease is contagious.
Kevin Garnett's potty mouth: The Big Ticket had some not-so-nice words for the Cavaliers and their fans. And TNT was nice enough to let us read his lips in slo-mo. (From Odenized.)
Gloria James: Ah, moms. They will do the craziest things -- and I do mean craziest -- to stand up for their sons. Even going so far as to go crazy on professional athletes during a nationally televised broadcast. Which is kind of embarrassing for LeBron, but great for this site. (Also from Odenized.)
LeBron James' potty mouth: Okay, yes: His mom got a little spaztastic, but did LeBron really need to dress her down in such a strong fasion? I mean does he kiss his mom with that mouth?
Said LeBron: "I told her to sit down, in some language I shouldn't have used. Thank God today wasn't Mother's Day. All I could think about is her. I know my mother. It's fine, we're good." Maybe. But I'm guessing Gloria is going to get a couple dozen boquets of roses delivered to her today...
LeBron the Monster: This is from Basketbawful reader Jin."I was watching the top plays over at NBA.com, and on number number one they naturally have LeBron dunking over KG toward the end of Game 4. I'm not sure which TNT announcer it was (maybe Doug Collins?), but someone suddenly blurts out 'LEBRON JAMES WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE!!!' I don't know if that's the best or the worst call I've ever heard, but I laughed for about 10 minutes straight." I'm pretty sure that was Kevin Harlan. But yes, the call redefined awesome. Go ahead and listen for yourself.
Update! Jin had a little something to add to this: "My apologies. Apparently it was Kevin Harlan, and after doing a little research, apparently he coined the phrase in fun back when the Timberwolves sucked. I don't know if this is common knowledge or not, but I had never heard it before until now. Quite ironic that it ends up being used for Lebron, against KG though." Indeed it is. It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is knife...or maybe a song about irony that has nothing to do with actual irony.
The Boston bench: The "Green Team" got outscored 36-17 their Cleveland counterparts, and it would have been even worse without P.J. Brown and his 8 points (4-for-4). The non-Browns scored 9 points on 0-for-10 shooting. I wonder if they accidentally drank some Gatorade after LeBron or something.
ESPN.com: According to The Letters, Boston should have been eliminated from the postseason already. I mean, they just suffered their fifth straight playoff loss. Thanks to Scott B for the head's up.
The Associated Press: This little nugget came from the AP recap of last night's game: "The Cavaliers were awed by James' stuff." Thank you for that, Mr. Tom Withers, AP Sports Writer.
Crazy commentary: There were a couple of items that were unintentionally omitted from Worst of the Weekend because my buddy Statbuster was filling in for me (and he did a kickass job, if I must fluff him myself). The first is the latest Reggie-ism, courtesy of Lipsome123. "I'm sure you just heard him say that 'You don't put Robbert Horry in as a flower dressing.' I love that man." I love him too, but he is no man. He is a god.
The second is from Jimmy P. "During the 4th quarter (I think) of the Lakers/Jazz game on Sunday, as Hubie was talking about the contributions of Matt Harpring and Paul Millsap, he said that both guys help the Jazz greatly by 'banging it on both ends,' which was TMI for me." Personally, I think it was just enough information, but maybe that's just me.
Labels: bad offense, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Kevin Garnett, Lebron James, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Reggie Miller
Sure, Samaritan's Feet is a great cause. And seeing the NBA show support to underprivileged children in war-torn countries is a noble gesture. But did someone ask Charles Barkley to paint his toenails? Honestly?
Picturing Chuck at home with a bottle of L'Oreal to while gossiping on the phone with Dwayne Wade and watching "Golden Girls" reruns is the most frightening mental image I've had in at least an hour.
Picturing Chuck at home with a bottle of L'Oreal to while gossiping on the phone with Dwayne Wade and watching "Golden Girls" reruns is the most frightening mental image I've had in at least an hour.
Labels: Charles Barkley, gaydar, TNT
Los Angeles Lakers - missed their opportunity to kick Utah in the Jazz and go up 3-0 on Friday, losing 99-104. Kobe held up his share of the bargain (34 pts, 6 boards, 7 assists), but the rest of the purple people choked up 14 turnovers on 7 assists. Horse blinders or Vaseline hands? I hope it was the blinders.Dwight Howard - found a way to lose at home to a de-Billupsed Pistons squad on Saturday. The Magic were falling back on their heels and were outscored 46-34 in the second half, losing 89-90. No coincidence that Superman went 3 for 12 and was outscored by the Wonder Twins (aka Jameer Nelson and Maurice Evans, 15 each).
Boston's backcourt - The Celtics inexplicable road stinkage continued Saturday, losing to the Cavs 84-108 on Saturday. Ray Allen and Rajon Rondo suddenly turned into Ron Mercer and Sebastian Telfair. Shuttlesworth went 4-12, and Rajon Rondo had zero assists in 24 minutes. Sam Cassell went 0 for 6 and Tony Allen almost had himself a 4 trillion. And they were collectively destroyed by Wally Szczerbiak and Delonte West (combined 37 pts, 8 asts, 11-21 shooting).
Ben Wallace - complete with ear infection, had his best postseason game Saturday with 9 pts, 9 rebounds, 2 blocks and a made free throw. Who woulda thought Ben's key to success would be an infectious disease? I'm sending that monkey from Outbreak to borrow his toothbrush and cough on his pillow.
James Posey - No frustrating Celtics loss would be complete without a heaping spoonful of unprovoked James Posey thuggery. Where have I seen this before?
Kobe Bryant - The Lakers played the Jazz tough for 48 minutes on Sunday. Unfortunately, the game went into overtime, so the Lakers lost 115-123. Kobe literally hurt his back from carrying his team all night, and scored 33 points on 33 shots. As the old adage goes: the worst shot in the game is the one you let your teammate take. Or something like that.
Ronny Turiaf - I expected an "E-C-Dub! E-C-Dub!" chant to break out after Ronny gave Utah backup Ronnie Price a swinging neckbreaker on Sunday. Unlike Posey, Turiaf had the decency to at least pretend it was a defensive play (albeit after the whistle). Oh my...GAWD!
Labels: Worst of the Weekend
This is probably an important signal to know, assuming that you're going to watch tonight's Lakers-Jazz game. After all, as everybody and his or her third cousin has been pointing out lately, Utah commits more fouls than any other team in the league. The best analogy for how the Jazz play defense would be E. Honda's "Hyaku Retsu Harite!" move* from Street Fighter II.
The handchecking signal is pretty easy to recognize. It's just the universal "Talk To The Hand" gesture. Alternately, the referee could simply pretend that he's firing a repulsor ray out of his hand, ala Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man. Screaming something like "Avengers assemble!" is entirely optional.
*Hyaku Retsu Harite means "Hundred Hand Slap." Shame on you for not knowing your obscure Asian video game translations. All your base are now belong to me.
The handchecking signal is pretty easy to recognize. It's just the universal "Talk To The Hand" gesture. Alternately, the referee could simply pretend that he's firing a repulsor ray out of his hand, ala Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man. Screaming something like "Avengers assemble!" is entirely optional.
*Hyaku Retsu Harite means "Hundred Hand Slap." Shame on you for not knowing your obscure Asian video game translations. All your base are now belong to me.
Labels: gratuitous comic book references, Know your signals, Utah Jazz
Reggie Miller may not be able to speak, but he can read. Watch everybody's favorite color man garnish some attention by picking up a full steam of head in his amazing book adventures. (One question: What, exactly, was up with the rasberry beret? It's the kind you'd find at a second-hand store. Sorry. Couldn't help myself.)
Labels: commercials, mockery, Reggie Miller
This wonderful picture of Mike Brown was provided by Tim from The Sports Hernia.
LeBron James: In today's NBA Closer column, I joked that LeBron had been body-snatched by a group of world-conquering (and probably anal-probing) aliens. But now that I think of it, that's as good an explanation as any for the King's transformation into a frog. I mean, what a line: 21 points, 6-for-24 shooting, 0-for-4 from beyond the arc, 5 rebounds, 6 assists, and 7 turnovers. And those are just numbers. You could tell by watching that LeBron just didn't have it, especially as the game went on. So what's up?
Well, first of all, he's being very well-defended by the Celtics. Doc Rivers usually has somebody -- often Paul Pierce or James Posey -- in LeBron's grill at all times, with lots of help defenders stepping up to cut off penetration. At other times, they're openly daring him to shoot from the outside because, well, improved or not he still isn't exactly a precision shooter (31 percent from three during the season, 21 percent so far in the playoffs).
Secondly, could this be the ultimate revenge of DeShawn Stevenson and the Wizards at work? It kind of seems like the beating LeBron took in the first round is finally getting to him. He doesn't have the same spring to his step, and the swagger hasn't been there either. And over the course of the regular season and playoffs, no player has shouldered more of the load for his team than LeBron James. Frankly, he looks exhausted and he's playing like it.
This, of course, bodes ill for the Cavs. Of course, going home is usually a nice elixir for most players. And Boston still hasn't won on the road in this year's playoffs...
Mike Brown: This is from Carter "C-Rod" Rodriguez: "You just gotta include this guy when you're talking about last night's Cavs-Celtics Game 2. It just completely shows how inept of a coach this guy is. 'Wait, LeBron got held to 2-for-18 shooting because all we run are high pick and rolls...every play. We'll do it again next game! They won't be expecting us to be this retarded!' So, as Pierce and Allen actually start scoring because their coach did his job and made adjustments, the Cavaliers...didn't. And that can be attributed at just how horrible Brown is on the offensive end of the ball. Why'd we give him an extension again? He's a poor man's Tom Thibodeau. Yipes."
First off: I agree. Second: Wow. A Tom Thibodeau reference. I wonder how many people know who Thibs is. (Here's a hint: He works for the Celtics. I'll let you guess in what capacity.) Brown's inability to make offensive adjustments -- or even run an offense -- is radically exposed any time LeBron has a rough game. Most of the time, the King provides the perfect camouflage for Brown. See, a lot of people want to just say, "LeBron doesn't have any help." But that's not true. The Cavaliers have offensive talent. It's just that Brown doesn't have the wherewithal to utilize it. I mean, he's got three-point shooters -- Sasha Pavlovic, Wally Szczerbiak, Delonte West -- but how often to they get wide-open shots? Not as often as they should, especially with LeBron drawing defenders like flies on poop.
No offense to Mike Brown. He's a fantastic defensive coach and a really great guy. But the Cavaliers are going to need a new coach before they get better. That, more than better supporting players, is what Cleveland needs to succeed.
Cleveland Cavaliers: Outside of Zydrunas Ilgauskas (19 points, 9-for-12), nobody else provided LeBron with any support. Delonte West actually started the game by playing some inspired defense -- he had 4 blocked shots! -- but that eventually tailed off into a 3-point, 1-for-5 performance.
As a team, the Cavs shot 35 percent from the field and hit only two of their 13 three-point attempts. They ended up with 73 points.
Rajon Rondo: The kid had a rough game: 7 points, 0-for-6 shooting, 5 rebounds, 6 assists, and 4 turnovers. Oh, and he ate three Wilsonburgers. It's no wonder Doc played him only 22 minutes.
Kendrick Perkins: Speaking of rough games. Perk had zero points (0-for-2), 4 rebounds, 3 turnovers and 4 fouls in just under 21 minutes. Oh, and he had one of his shots blocked by Delonte West. That's not the kind of "beast" the Celts were hoping for.
Ray Allen: He finished with 16 points -- 11 of which came in the third quarter -- but he missed his first four shots and, at times, looked old and immobile. I mean, he's been giving me "Chris Mullin with the Pacers" flashbacks the last few games. Doc Rivers made a concerted effort to get Ray-Ray going in the second half, and it worked, but still...Allen has been having a harder and harder time getting open this season, and it hasn't gotten any easier in the playoffs.
Update! Leon Powe, quote maching: This quote was submitted by an anonymous reader: "He hadn't scored last game, and we wanted something to get him going...I wanted to see my man get off." Um, wow, Leon...TMI.
Allergies: Ben Wallace nearly collapsed in the first quarter and had to be helped to the locker room. But don't worry. It was only allergies. Said Big Ben: "You know (Boston) is a tough place for allergies, but no one has warned me. That's when it started - headaches. Then it got worse. I got lightheaded and my head started spinning."
Let's hope that it really is merely a heretofore unknown vulnerability to pollen and not something more serious. I mean, being that this happened in Boston and all, I had visions of Reggie Lewis in Game 1 of the Celtics' 1993 first-round series against the Charlotte Hornets. I was watching that game live on NBC when Lewis collapsed while running downcourt. It was scary and disturbing, and a few months later Reggie was dead. Jeff Van Gundy actually brought Reggie up during the game -- though not in reference to Ben's near-collapse -- which also struck me as slightly chilling.
Anyway, here's hoping that Ben's feeling better for Game 3. (But not that much better.)
Peja Stojakovic: He spent 35 minutes in Bruce Bowen's straightjacket, and it showed: 8 points, 2-for-7, 1-for-3 from distance, 5 rebounds, zero assists. Using his typical method of hands-all-over defense, Bowen made Peja look like the 2002 Western Conference Finals version of himself; in other words, it was like he wasn't even there. And somewhere Chris Webber is nodding his head and saying, "Yup, yup..."
Morris Peterson: Mo shot 1-for-3 and finished with more fouls (4) than points (3). And he committed 3 turnovers. He's a starter, by the way.
Jannero Pargo: That 30-point game against the Mavericks seems further and further away. Last night, Jannero shot 1-for-7. He did have 2 blocked shots, though, which was one more than Tyson Chandler.
Tyson Chandler: His numbers were decent -- 12 points, 5-for-5, 8 rebounds -- and he continued to harass Tim Duncan into poor play. But he committed a handful of stupid fouls in the third quarter that earned him a trip to the bench, and that's when the Spurs made their run. Chandler needs to learn to stop moving when setting picks so he can stay on the floor. His ability to contain Duncan is absolutely critical to the Hornets' chances in this series.
Bonzi Wells: He was supposed to provide scoring punch off the bench. Instead, he ended up 3-for-8 from the field, had one of his shots sent back, and boned a dunk. Remember when Bonzi's bonus value came from his ability to post up smaller guards and score from inside? Yeah, it's getting harder for me to think back to those days, too.
Melvin Ely: Basketbawful reader Sami had a few words to say about Mr. Ely. "I know who helped contribute to San Antonio's third quarter run: Melvin Ely. In the third quarter, he killed any momentum New Orleans had and contributed to San Antonio's run by: Committing a lane violation, getting called for three in the key just as Julian Wright hit a three-pointer, taking a fadeaway hook shot (how the hell do you do that?), allowing Tim Duncan to blow by him for a layup, giving up an uncontested offensive rebound to Duncan, and allowing him to get to the foul line a couple of times. All this from someone that was drafted 12th freakin' overall. But, then again, it was the Clippers who drafted him. So I guess I should have expected this kind of play."
Brent Barry: He was one blocked shot and 10 seconds away from a four trillion.
Jacque Vaughn and Robert Horry: They each had a mario last night. Vaughn played 48 seconds and Ben Gay Bob played 54 seconds. And you know what that means: SUPER MARIO BROTHERS!! (Thanks for the reminder, Colin.)
Labels: aliens, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Lebron James, NBA playoffs, New Orleans Hornets, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night
You've probably seen this video half a dozen times already, but it's the perfect example of why we loves ourselves some Sir Charles.
Labels: Charles Barkley, man love
Jack: I know I'm not the first person to comment on this, and I'm sure I won't be the last, but...what happened to Jack Nicholson? Seeing him these days just makes me sad. It used to feel so cool to see Jack courtside at Lakers games, but now he just looks like a pervy old man who doesn't quite realize how old and pervy he looks.
Now, one could argue that he doesn't care, but this is the same guy who freaked out when Heath Ledger was cast to play the Joker in the new Batman movie. If Jack really thinks that he's fit to play the Joker again -- and he's pretty clearly not -- then there's little doubt he genuinely believes that he's as suave and sexy as he's ever been. But in reality, he has officially become That Guy. A rich, famous, and rather untouchable That Guy, but That Guy nonetheless.
I posted this same picture on my NBA Closer column and got some pretty funny comments:
schtickless: Jack Nicholson is starting to look like Diane Keaton.
RachelRayIsTheDevil: He's starting to resemble Dyan Cannon too.
Weed Against Speed: It was quite the coincidence when Jack Nicholson showed up wearing his "More Viagra Please" t-shirt the same night Kobe was presented his MVP award.
UkraineNotWeak: I was thinking Medically Vitalized Penis.
Arriaga_II: After being in the Staples Center and the Departed, Jack's the man if you want a lifetime achievement award.
MattinglysSideburns: It's nice to see Skeletor was momentarily able to abandon his pursuit of Castle Greyskull in order to attend a basketball game.
Weed Against Speed: "Who sticks his index fingers and thumbs out like pistols, does whatever he wants whenever he wants, snorts assloads of coke and bangs women 1/3 his age? This guy!!"
Sh!tShow: "When asked to comment, Nicholson said, "Good times. Noodle salad."
UkraineNotWeak: "I am the fucken shore patrol."
(Note that last comment apparently refers to a t-shirt Penny Marshall was seen wearing at a Clippers game earlier this season.)
Chamomiles Davis: He eats breakfast 300 yards away from 14 Mexicans who are paid to do his landscaping.
Alonzo Mosely: Were the NBA, and David Stern, a little too fucking giddy in their showering of praise over an anal rapist? Fuck LA, fuck Bill Simmons, and fuck that guy who played a werewolf in some fucking lousy movie, you fucks.
Kobe's MVP: I've gotten several comments and e-mails from people who are disappointed that I didn't blow an O-Ring over Kobe's Lifetime Achievement Award. But what can I say? It didn't bother me nearly as much as it would have at any other time during his career. Mostly because -- other than for the first few weeks of the season and another handful of notable exceptions here and there -- he was playing basketball the way it's supposed to be played.
Of course, Kobe has almost always played at an amazingly high level...after his first couple seasons, anyway. He just hasn't been able to be both the selfless facilitator and scoring assassin at the same time consistently without subtly (and not-so-subtly) disparaging his teammates, coaches, GMs, owners, etc. He actually managed to do that for almost 80 percent of this season. I really didn't think he had it in him.
And for those of you who have been saying, "All Kobe needed was good teammates," I call shenanigans. He had those in spades during his first several years in L.A. and he was still a selfish, brooding superstar who seemed more concerned with being The Man than winning. Wait. That's not quite right. He was concerned with being The Man and winning, and he was willing to shake the Lakers franchise to its very foundations to make that happen.
Well, he did it. And now, years later, it finally paid off. He's The Man, and the MVP, and his team is a front-runner to win the championship. His team and the entire basketball world is finally revolving around Kobe Bean Bryant. That, apparently, was all it took to bring out the best in him.
My thoughts on it? KG should have won, hands down. And then, for my money, CP3 should have come in second. I still feel the Lakers basically got better around Kobe. They brought in Fisher, who's been more of a calming, veteran leader than Kobe. Then guys like Andrew Bynum, Jordan Farmar and Sasha Vujacic blossomed. By the numbers, they have the best bench in the league. And when Bynum went down, Kobe was handed an established All-Star in Pau Gasol. Note, too, that Odom was at his best this season only after the Gasol trade, so one could argue that Pau's presence made Lamar better, not Kobe. Oh, and there's also the little matter of L.A.'s Hall of Fame coach and that fantastic offensive system known as the Triangle.
Meanwhile, Chris Paul made David West an All-Star and he almost did the same thing with Tyson Chandler too. He revived basketball in New Orleans without a bench and transformed Byron Scott into the Coach of the Year. Kobe's been great, better tan he's ever been. But I'll always believe that Chris Paul was more valuable. This season, anyway.
But props to Kobe. He's transformed himself. And while I may not necessarily think he deserved it, I certainly think he earned it.
Mike D'Antoni: It looks like Mikey is in contention to become the head coach of the Chicago Bulls or possibly the New York Knicks. Trust me, his first choice is going to be the Bulls. If he gets offered both positions, he's taking the Chicago job. Say what you will about his run-and-fun offense in Phoenix, but it relied on both focus and discipline. Do you really think he's going to get those two things out of the guys on the Knicks' roster? Hardly. By contrast, the Bulls players showed a high degree of those characteristics until the milk went sour under Scott Skiles. I bet D'Antoni believes he can revive that.
Evil Ted recently asked me what I think about D'Antoni as Bulls coach, because we both live in Chicago and therefore follow the Bulls pretty closely. Honestly, I'm cool with it. Very cool with it, even. I think it'll breath life into a group of players who have become increasingly lifeless over the last season(ish). The Bulls have a bunch of young gunners who are probably dying for a little freedom and offensive creativity, which is exactly what they didn't get under Skiles and then Jim Boylan (who was too paralyzed by a desire to keep the head job to really shake things up).
Seven Seconds or Less will never be as successful in Chicago as it was in Phoenix because Kirk Hinrich is no Steve Nash. He's not even a homeless person's Steve Nash. But there are fresh legs and three-point shooters galore here. So while I doubt that bringing in D'Antoni will help the Bulls overtake the Cavaliers, Celtics, Magic or Pistons, well, it'll be a lot more fun watching them score 100+ points and lose than it has been watching them score 80+ points and lose.
Labels: Chicago Bulls, Jack Nicholson, Kobe Bryant, Mike D'Antoni, MVP
Note: Photo courtesy of Basketbawful reader kobefearslebron.
Detroit Pistons: Their defense got shredded -- Orlando shot 54 percent from the field and 46 percent from three-point range -- and their offense was stagnant (40 percent shooting, 2-for-10 in threes, only 12 assists). Mind you, part of that was some spirited "We're home!" play by the Magic, and an even bigger part was the fact that they lost Chauncey Billups less than four minutes into the game due to a strained hamstring. Which could be a big problem going forward if the injury is a serious one, because if last night proved anything, it's that Rodney Stucky does not equal Chauncey Billups
Rip Hamilton: The Phantom led Detroit in scoring (24 points) but he also had a game-high 6 turnovers.
Rasheed Wallace: The line: 11 points, 4-for-15, 4 rebounds and 4 fouls in 28 minutes. That and his +/- score of -30 was by far the worst on his team. Of course, it didn't help that he picked up two quick fouls in the first quarter and had to ride the pine for a while. But it wasn't so much the numbers as his attitude. He didn't seem to have that crazy, cocky fire that the Pistons really feed off of. And they really needed that when Mr. Big Shot went down. You never know when 'Sheed is going to bring that, though.
'Sheedtastic extra: Get yer Rasheed Wallace mask here.
Jason Maxiell: He gave the Pistons a huge boost in both Game 1 (12 points, 5-for-8, 9 rebounds, 3 blocks) and Game 2 (11 points, 5-for-5, 4 rebounds, 3 blocks). But last night, he was almosdt non-existent: Zero points (0-for-2), 2 rebounds, and 1 turnovers in about 19 minutes of lack-tion. Oh, and both of his shot attempts were blocked.
Detroit's bench: Outside of Stuckey -- who got extended minutes because Billups was out -- the Pistons' reserves didn't contribute much: 8 points, 3-for-12 shooting, 13 rebounds, 4 assists, and 10 fouls in about 76 minutes.
Adonal Foyle: He was the only player on either team that didn't get any PT. It's pretty bad when your team wins by 25 and you don't get any garbage minutes...not even a mario!
Carlos Boozer: I've been saying this for weeks, and other people are finally starting to realize it too: Boozer is in a slump. He has been, in fact, since the beginning of April. Just check his game log. The biggest problems seem to be that 1) his jump shot is off, 2) he hasn't been getting many easy baskets in Utah's set offense, and 3) it's pretty clear he's aware of the slump, and his confidence is down. You can see it in his eyes. And you could really see it last night when he got tagged with three early fouls. Methinks Carlos could use a good sports psychologist, because I don't think he suddenly forgot how to play basketball. Remember: 50 percent of sports is 90 percent mental. Or something like that.
The freethrow discrepancy: The Lakers once again feasted at the line last night, getting 43 freethrow attempts compared to only 16 for the Jazz. In two games, L.A. has 89 freethrows and Utah has 46. Now, Lakers apologists are quick to point out that the Jazz led the league this season in fouls per game. This is true: They committed an average of 24 fouls each and every game. However, those same people haven't really done their research, because the Lakers committed 20.6 fouls per game. For those of you who enjoy simple math, that's a net difference of 3.4 fouls. So how does that explain a 27-freethrow discrepancy? Especially during a game in which Utah consistently tried to work the ball inside. Trust me, I watched the game. There was plenty of uncalled contact.
Update! Here's a little extra tidbit for those of you who are going to inevitably accuse me of "whining." One, I realize the Jazz were intentionally fouling at the end of the game. That resulted in 10 additional FTAs for the Lakers. But take those away and L.A. still had a 17-FTA advantage, which is pretty significant. Two, the Jazz were awarded 16 freethrows when their stated goal was to work the ball inside. Check out the shot chart. Utah was 19-for-40 on layups. With all due respect to the Lakers' defense, it seems rather improbable for any team to attempt that many layups in a game and hit less than 50 percent of them without contact. Especially a team that finishes as well in the paint as the Jazz do. Sorry, but Utah took it to the basket a lot and received a lot of contact without whistles. On the other end, the Lakers sure seemed to be getting those whistles. Say what you will, but that's what I saw.
C.J. Miles: Tonight's mario is brought to you by Mr. Miles, who logged a mere 14 seconds. Amazingly, he managed to squeeze two missed threes and a foul into his meager PT. That's, um, efficient...or something.
Carmelo Anthony: Can we please get this guy a chauffeur? Seriously. 'Melo got a speeding ticket for going 60 MPG in a 45-MPH zone. Now, admittedly, I've gone 60 in a 45 zone before. Probably many times. But I probably wouldn't do it three weeks after getting a DUI.
David Aldridge: When you're a sideline reporter, you should at least know whom you're talking too, right? David didn't last night, did he Dero...I mean, Derek? (From Odenized.)
NBA.com's split-face ads: This is from Basketbawful reader sEan, who noticed something was amiss with NBA.com's hype for tonight's Cavs-Celtics game. "The Cavs have needed point guard help for a while...Steve Nash is a good choice mid-series."
Yahoo box scores: There was a lot of random fishiness going on in the world of Yahoo last night, and the people were all over it. Basketbawful reader Anfernee said: "I was checking the live boxscore of the game tonight...and I am totally confused. On the front page it said DET leads the series 2-1 with the Magic ahead 94-77 in the fourth quarter, so this means after tonight's game 3, it will be tied at 2-2? Also, on another page, it said Magic won game 3 by 30-16. Wow, I didn't know I missed the NCAA tournament game a few nights ago!" Thanks also to readers Andrew and Geriandre for the quick alert.
Karl Malone: Oh, Karl. I don't even know what to say. So I'm not going to say anything except this makes me kind of sick to my stomach.
Labels: Detroit Pistons, fan submissions, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA playoffs, Orlando Magic, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Night
Basketbawful reader Mike sent me this saucy picture of Tony Parker getting a little face time with Tyson Chandler's junk while Tim Duncan turns away in...what? Disgust? Jealousy? Who knows. But at least it's clear that Eva doesn't have to worry about Tony cheating on her. With another woman, anyway.
Labels: fan submissions, man love, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Tyson Chandler
Okay. Let me preface this post by saying that I doubts that I'd be able to do a full WotN entry with only one game on the slate. But man oh man...this particular game came through in spades.
Cleveland Cavaliers: They scored only 72 points, shot 30 percent from the field, committed 17 turnovers, and added to their the all-time worst record in Game 1 road games (0-for-14). Yay, team.
Boston Celtics: They scored only 76 points, had more turnovers (21) than assists (18), and barely beat the Cavaliers in Boston on a night when LeBron James had the worst game of his career (more on that below). That's a pretty bad sign, right?
LeBron James: Poor LeBron. On the same day the King found out that he finished a distant fourth in MVP voting, he went out and had the worst game of his NBA career: 12 points, 2-for-18 shooting, 10 turnovers. He scored only 2 points in the second half and missed his last six shots. He also was one assist or rebound away from the shameful triple bumble (as several of you quickly pointed out).
And with all due respect to the Celtics defense...Bron-Bron was just flat-out bonking shots and tricking layups. And he knew it. "I missed a lot of shots I know I can make. I missed layups. Those layups I've made my whole life." (That's right, boys and girls; LeBron came out of the womb hitting layups.)
Fun fact #1: The stat checkers at ESPN.com compiled a list of LeBron's four worst shooting performances. Last night's was the worst, followed by a 3-for-20 performance against the Sixers on March 18, 2005; a 2-for-13 night against the Clippers on December 3, 2003; and another 2-for-13 brickeroo on February 11, 2004. Note that those last two games happened during LeBron's rookie year and none of them occurred during the playoffs.
Fun fact #2: Sorry, ESPN. You missed one. Fortunately, Yahoo caught it. The worst shooting night of LeBron's career came on December 29, 2004 against the Houston Rockets, when he went 0-for-5 in 17 minutes. However, there were circumstances. Said LeBron: "I fractured my cheekbone."
Kevin Garnett, quote machine: KG was the only player who truly played well last night (although Zydrunas Ilgauskas came pretty close). Garnett -- who came in third in MVP voting -- had 28 points (13-for-23), 8 rebounds, 3 assists and 2 steals in nearly 40 minutes. More importantly, though, he hit a clutch shot with 22 seconds left to break a 72-72 tie and put the Celtics up for good. So much for KG shrinking from the big moments, eh?
But here was how Garnett described last night's celebration of suck: "This was two heavyweights, just body-punching. There was no finesse, no jabs, just an all-out, beat-down, defensive fight." Uh, if you say so, KG. If you say so. And toxic sludge really is good for you...
Wally Szczerbiak: Wally World outscored and outshot LeBron James! And while that would normally be cause for celebration, last night was a definite exception. Szczerbiak missed his first five shots en route to a 13-points, 5-for-14 shooting night. Which once again raises the question: How, exactly, was he an upgrade over Larry Hughes?
Ray Allen: Can we have Ray-Ray digitally removed from He Got Game? Because last night's lack-tion would certainly justify it: Zero points, 0-for-4, and 4 turnovers in 37 minutes. Memo to the MVP voters: Remember how you unjustly disqualified KG because his team was "too good"? I hope you watched this game and wet your pants with shame.
Delonte West: Where's Eric Snow when you need him? West scored 4 points (2-for-10), had more fouls (3) than assists (2), and threw the ball away twice. Not a bad night's work, eh? Actually, yes it is.
Paul Pierce: Remember that post on TrueHoop about Truth's rivalry with LeBron? If not, then go read it. Anyway, their personal competition has gotten so heated that apparently if LeBron sucks, Paul is going to try and suck more. Let's here it for one-downsmanship! Pierce scored 4 points, shot 2-for-14, had his shot fed back to him twice, committed a team-high 6 turnovers, and had Boston's worst +/- score (-14). And he wasn't the least bit embarrassed about it.
"Me and Ray, we figure if we play [LeBron] to a standstill...we give ourselves the best chance. He's not going to go 2-for-18 every game but, hey, we're going to do our best to try to make him." So in one fell swoop Pierce took co-credit for LeBron's craptacular game and justified his and Ray Allen's sucktasticness. Wow. The only thing missing was a megalomaniacal declamation:
Anderson Varejao: And here, my friends, is Exhibit V in the case against ridiculous contract holdouts. Sideshow Bob -- who was so instrumental in Cleveland's run to the Finals last season, by the way -- was so ineffective you'd think he was getting paid to not play: 1 point, 0-for-1, 1 rebound, zero assists, 2 steals, and zero blocked shots in 11 minutes. Cap killer, anyone?
Glen Davis: Big Baby played like an actual baby last night, accomplishing exactly nothing in four diaper-filling minutes. That's right. I'm talking about a four trillion. (And no, that's not a fat joke. Although it could be.)
Mike Brown: Any good coach -- or in Brown's case, even a bad coach -- is going to get his star player's back. But Brown took that to a kind of ridiculous length last night. "[LeBron] had a tough night, and he is entitled to it." I'm sorry, but...what?! Since when did players start earning entitlement to horrific performances in critical playoff games? I'm sorry, Mike, but there's no such thing as a Get Out Of Sucking Free card.
Zydrunas Ilgauskas: Z-Man was the only Cavalier who registered a pulse last night (22 points, 12 rebounds), but he also stepped on Sam Cassell and "inadvertently" kicked him in the head. Sorry. I've played enough basketball and stepped over enough clumsy players to know that stuff rarely ever happens on accident.
Labels: Anderson Varejao, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Kevin Garnett, Lebron James, NBA playoffs, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Wally Szczerbiak, Worst of the Night
Mario (mar'-e-o') noun. Denotes those occasions in which a player logs less than one minute of playing time and therefore fails to compile any meaningful statistics.
Usage example: Not surprisingly, Mario West was the 2007-08 league leader in Marios.
Word history: The word was coined yesterday -- May 5, 2008 -- by an anonymous reader who couldn't help but notice my season-long quest to point out Mario West's many sub-minute performances. "I think a trillion that doesn't even make it to the one minute mark should be officially nicknamed a 'Mario.' Trillions may be embarrassing, but a Mario makes you wish you became a car salesman."
The suggestion was absolutely brilliant, and sure beat the unofficial "sub-minute men" designation I had been using.
Additional information: Poor Mario. The guy appeared in 64 regular season games and averaged around four minutes per. He saw so little PT that there are only two pictures of him on his Yahoo profile page...and both of those photos show him on the bench sporting crisp, clean warmups.
Of those 64 games, he played less than one minute in 20 of them. Of those 20 games, he played 10 seconds or less in 11 of them, including games of 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds (three times), 5 seconds, 6 seconds, 8 seconds (twice), 9 seconds, and 10 seconds.
Mario Also appear in six of the Hawks' seven playoff games. He somehow managed to average exactly one minute per game, with games of 03:20, 00:31, 00:09, 00:20, 00:03, and 01:36. You'll notice that most of his PT came in Games 1 and 7, the two biggest blowouts of the series.
All I can say is, that's some damned cruelty on the part of Atlanta coach Mike Woodson. Forget free Darko...free Mario!
Update! Basketbawful reader Phenomenal Cosmic Power provided more fan brilliance with the following braingasm: "Might I suggest that a <10-second game be called a SUPER MARIO!? And then, what if 2 or more players each logged a Super Mario? SUPER MARIO BROTHERS?!" All I can say is: Done and done.
More additional information: Mr. Cosmic Power has taken a real interest Mr. West. An unhealthy interest, perhaps? That's not for us to judge. "I felt a litte bad for our boy Mario, so I dug up some more stats that I hope will cheer him up!"
Hawks winning % when Mario logs:
DNP - 33%
Super Mario - 45%
Mario - 50%
No Mario - 48%
More than 10 minutes (a Wario?) - 67%
"Wow. Talk about a direct correlation between Mario's playing time and the Hawks winning! I kid you not. FREE MARIO!"
Labels: fan submissions, Mario West, Word of the Day
Steve Javie, Derrick Stafford, Joe Forte: Sometimes the zebras get it right, sometimes they get it wrong. Very wrong. Such was the case last night in Detroit, when the game clock "froze" long enough for Chauncey Billups to beat the third quarter buzzer with momentum-changing three-pointer.
Here's the official description from the Orlando Sentinal: "The Pistons took the ball out of bounds with 5.1 seconds left, but the clock stopped at 4.8 and again at 4.1 before Billups made the three-point shot. The Magic bench erupted in protest, and officials huddled while TNT replays showed it took 5.22 seconds for the ball to leave Billups' hands, meaning Billups couldn't have gotten the shot off in time. But officials ruled the basket good, and they put .5 of a second back on the clock..."
Thanks to Odenized, we have lots of video evidence of this debacle. Here's the initial brouhaha.
Here are the TNT broadcasters showing the have a greater aptidude than the men who are paid to officiate the game.
And now, the reactions. Surprisingly enough, the Pistons don't seem too broken up about it, but who wants to bet that Rasheed Wallace would have gotten tossed if the same thing had happened to the Pistons?
The league and its stupid rules: Lead official Steve Javie declined comment after the game. But really, what else could he have done? The league's replay rules don't allow the officials to review plays in order to figure out when the shot clock started, should have started, should have stopped, etc. My question is: Why the hell not? If it's permissible to use replay at the end of games to determine whether a shot came before or after the buzzer, why not put in some kind of addendum stating that it can be used in situations like this? We can stuff astronauts into a flying tin can and send it to the moon. We have the technology. Why not, you know, use it?
Here's an interesting question posed by Brazil Thrill's Shot Was Blocked By KG on my NBA Closer column: "So will David Stern force Detroit and Orlando to replay the end of the third quarter and the entire fourth quarter of game two? If he thought a regular season game was important enough to warrant a partial re-match, why not apply the same rule during the playoffs? Or at the very least give Orlando 3 points to start with on game 3." An interesting point, eh? But I doubt Stern will do diddly squat. Because that could possibly get in the way of a Pistons-Celtics or Pistons-LeBron matchup in the Eastern Confernece Finals. Not that I'm conspiracy theorizing or anything...
The Magic's butter fingers: Memo to Stan Van Gundy: Either tell your players not to coat their hands in PAM before the game, or invest in a gross of Stickum. Orlando committed 19 turnovers that were transmogrified into 22 points for the Pistons. Worst of all, 17 of those 19 turnovers were bobbled off the hands of Rashard Lewis (6), Hedo Turkoglu (6) and Dwight Howard (5). A team cannot win if its main men keep gift-wrapping the ball and giving it away like a department store Santa.
The Orlando bench: Here is the sum total of their contribution to last night's game: 4 points on 1-for-7 shooting, 4 rebounds, 1 assist, 1 steal, and 8 fouls in almost 46 minutes. Holy wow, that is bad. And I mean 1986-87 Celtics bench bad.
Rip Hamilton: The Phantom once claimed that he knows whether a shot is going in before he even gets the ball. So why does he ever miss? If it's not going to go in, don't take the shot, right? Apparently not, since he was 4-for-18 last night.
Theo Ratliff: This guy inexplicably started talking trash to Rashard Lewis and the rest of the Magic after Game 1, which seems kind of strange coming from someone who barely ever plays. Did he back it up in Game 2? [Insert laugh track here] Uh, no. The line: zero points, 0-for-1 shooting, 1 rebound, zero assists, 1 blocked shot, 1 foul, 9 minutes. My advice? Zip the lip, Theo.
Walter Herrmann: Mr. Man -- who looks like a poor man's Fabio -- had a one trillion last night.
San Antonio Spurs: They looked good last night...for a half. Then the wheels came off in the third quarter, during which they were outscored 36-18. Frankly, they looked old, slow and wholly incapable of staying in front of the runnin' gunnin' Hornets. It's like the Spurs' methodical, slow-it-down-to-a-snail's-pace methodology finally backfired on them, sort of like people thought it might backfire against the Suns. Experience often overcomes youth, until experience's age falls victim to youth's fresh and tireless legs.
Gregg Popovich was so concerned -- and probably pissed off -- that at one point he yanked the starters (and foul-plagued sixth man Manu Ginobili) in favor of Ime Udoka, Brent Barry, Fabricio Oberto, Robert Horry and Jacque Vaughn. And if that's not a slap to the chops, I don't know what is. But you can't blame him. Duncan had (I think) around 11 points at the time (although he would finish with 18). Tony Parker shot 5-for-14. Michael Finley was 2-for-7. Bruce Bowen was 1-for-7. And Manu Ginobili finished 4-for-10 (he also had a game-high 5 turnovers). You could argue that, had it not been for Brent Barry (14 points, 4-for-5 from three-point range), the Spurs would have been beaten by 30.
Damon Stoudemire: As Basketbawful reader Josh pointed out, Mighty Mouse continued his championship piggyback game with a three trillion. Although it's starting to look like he might have been better off signing with the Hornets.
David West: The man's a straight-up baller, but he needs to leave the taunting on the streets where it belongs. First he punked Dirk Nowitzki -- which was pretty classless, even if it was kind of funny -- and now he's taunting...Fabricio Oberto?! That's really not necessary. (Video from Odenized.)
Reggie Miller: Reggie continues his assault on verbiosity, uh, verbalism, er, wordiology...forget it. I've been listening to Reggie too much, apparently. As Deadspin reader Tubesteak Terrorist pointed out: "According to Reggie Miller last night, David West is 'ambidextrious.'"
And there's more, this time from Rob of BigDiction.net: "Ha. No more than 6 minutes into the Spurs Hornets game Monday after a Peja three-pointer: Kevin Harlan says 'And he has been shooting at a 60% clip this postseason!,' to which Reggie Miller replies 'And that's a big plus for him.' No shit, Reggie. No shit."
And here's some retroctive Reggie from last weekend, courtesy of Basketbawful reader Nick: "In Hornets-Spurs Game 1, they had to delay the game because after Hugo the Hornet jumped through a ring of fire they couldn't put out the fire and had to use extinguishers. After they resumed play, the players were falling on the court because of the remains. Reggie Miller had this to say: 'The official is calling for the crew to come out because the players are slippering all over.' That's funny in itself, but then I looked up the word slippering. A slippering is a metonymical term for the act of smacking the buttocks, or the hands, with a slipper as a form of corporal punishment." I...really don't know what to say. Other than: Thanks for the mammaries, Reggie.
SI.com: Basketbawful reader MC Welk thinks the caption writers for the Sports Illustrated Web site are a little confused about who the Lakers are playing right now. "Lakers did a good job of getting past the Suns (right, SI?)."
The ESPN Scoreboard: Basketbawful reader Sky Flakes things that the ESPN scoreboard is almost as confused as Reggie Miller. Note how the Spurs spotted the Hornets an extra 5 points during halftime.
Then they upped it to 8 points, just for kicks.
Then the math started to go a little fuzzy. As Mr. Flakes put it: "I didn't know that 23 + 20 + 0 = 49." Me neither. But then, I failed 3rd grade math. Damn multiplication tables...
The Lakers medical staff: What are these guys doing? Practicing leechcraft? As Basketbawful reader Shrugz put it: "Wasn't Andrew Bynum supposed to be out for 2-4 weeks...in February?" Yup. Now he's out for the rest of the season. Nice. Worst medical staff ever. (Of course, that cranky knee didn't keep Andy from getting jiggy wit' it at a UCLA frat party...)
Labels: bench play, Chris Paul, David West, Detroit Pistons, fan submissions, New Orleans Hornets, officiating, Orlando Magic, Reggie Miller, Rip Hamilton, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night
Washington Wizards: They talked trash. They said they wanted Cleveland in the first round, that the Cavaliers couldn't defeat them three years in a row. They called LeBron overrated. They thugged the King at every available opportunity. End the end, they weren't just eliminated, they dropped the final game at home in a 105-88 blowout. The Wiz shot poorly (39 percent), had lousy ball movement (11 assists, 9 turnovers), and their defense was a joke: They let the Cavs shoot 50 percent, they forced only 6 turnovers, and Wally Szczerbiak hit 6 threes and scored a career playoff-high 26 points. Talk about going out with a whimper.
Antonio Daniels, quote machine: Regarding his team's third straight playoff ousting by the Cavaliers, Daniels said: "Three times in a row. It's tough. But who knows what happens if we have a healthy team? A healthy Gilbert Arenas? If we had Darius Songaila for Game 6 -- who knows what happens?" Okay, the Gilbert Arenas thing I understand...but does anybody think that Darius freaking Songaila could have prevented a blowout? Seriously?
Damon Jones: He's the current all-time record holder in trillions, with a 12 trillion in Game 1 of the 2007 NBA Finals. From that perspective, Friday's one trillion was pretty lame...but still worth mentioning.
Dominic McGuire: The Wizards might have lost Game 6 and gotten eliminated from the playoffs, but at least they countered Damon Jones with McGuire's one trillion. It was a moral victory.
Boston Celtics: I wasn't thrilled with the officiating in this game, especially the Hawks' 47-25 freethrow shooting advantage and the sequence in which Paul Pierce fouled out. But to be totally honest: It shouldn't have mattered. The Celtics never rose to the challenge in any of the three games they played in Atlanta. I can't remember a number one seed ever get challenged this effectively by a team that didn't even win 40 games, let alone that number one seed actually winning a championship. It was a great step for the maybe-up-and-coming Hawks, but a really bad sign for the Celtics' championship hopes.
Joe Johnson and Sam Cassell: Ooooo, tough guys. (From Odenized.)
Eddie House and Tony Allen: These guys got the Mario West treatment on Friday night: House played only 11 seconds and Allen played 9. And they really only got that PT because Boston needed three-point shooters at the end of the game.
Mario West: He played 3 seconds on Friday.
Houston Rockets: They finally got overwhelmed by the Jazz. If you think about it, though, it's sort of amazing they pushed the series to six games. The Rockets were, quite frankly, undermanned...especially after Rafer Alston went down (again). Dikembe Mutombo (2 points, 6 rebounds) looked really old, Shane Battier (5 points, 2-for-7) couldn't find the mark, Bobby Jackson (6 points, 2-for-12) shot like he was blinded by science, and Houston's youthful reserves -- Carl Landry (zero points, 0-for-2), Aaron Brooks (5 points, 0-for-5), Luther Head (zero points, 0-for-2) and Mike Harris (zero points, 0-for-0) -- gave the Rockets nothing off the bench.
Trady McGrady: That was one sad dude. And who could blame him. He had another great game -- 40 points, 10 rebounds, 5 assists -- but once again failed to make it out of the first round of the playoffs. Although, honestly, it was more a case of his team failing him and not the other way around.
Jarron Collins: He did his brother Jason proud by notching a two trillion against the Rockets on Friday. Oh, to be seven feet tall and talentless.
Dwight Howard: Superman played more like the Dazzler on Saturday. His 12 points and 8 rebounds were a far cry from the 20-20 games he was dropping on the Raptors. He also sounded awfully depressed after the Pistons got done blowing the Magic out. "I don't think I even looked up at the scoreboard for a while. It's disappointing." Well, yeah, it is...but I would have liked to hear a little more fire from Dwight after that ass-whoopin'.
Jameer Nelson and Maurice Evans: They had dull games -- a combined 11 points (5-for-11), 5 assists adn 5 turnovers -- and got eaten alive by Chauncey Billups (19 points, 7 assists) and Rip Hamilton (17 points, 7-for-14). I guess this series is going to be the point at which all my doomsaying about Orlando's backcourt is revealed as Truth.
Orlando's three-point shooting: The Magic live and die by the three, and on Saturday they definitely died: 2-for-15, including 0-for-4 from Rashard Lewis and 1-for-3 from Hedo Turkoglu. If they don't hit from beyond the arc, they don't win. Period.
Amir Johnson: He had a two trillion against the Magic. Damn, Amir. Even Walter Herrmann scored a point and committed 3 fouls. Fun fact: "Herrmann" literally means "Mr. Man."
Tim Duncan: After the way Timmah manhandled Shaq and the Suns in the first round, I was really starting to think he was some kind of basketballing super soldier. Kind of like Captain America, only taller, blacker, and Duncan facier. (Do you think Captain American made the googly eyes at Hitler? Hell no. He punched that Nazi bitch in the face. And I bet his fist tastes just like justice.) Anyway, Duncan got his lunch money stolen by Tyson Chandler. Not only did Tyson have a huge game -- 10 points, 15 rebounds, 3 blocked shots -- he helped put Timmy in a corner (5 points, 1-for-9, 3 rebounds). Duncan looked old and tired, but then, so did Kareem in Game 1 of the 1985 Finals. And Cap ended up winning the Finals MVP. I'm just sayin'.
Damon Stoudemire and Ime Udoka: They had identical statistical lines on Saturday: 1:47 of PT and nothing else. Hey guys...championship piggybacking is fun, isn't it?
Bruce Bowen: This guy is such an dick. He's about this close from surpassing Bill Laimbeer as the number one player all-time that everybody would like to punch in the face.
Reggie Miller, broadcasting savant: This is from Basketbawful reader Brandon. "Quouth the most: 'It gives Chris Paul another option offensively. You've got two shooters in Peterson and Stojakavic on opposite ends of the court.' I know what he's trying to say, but endline to endline is where the two baskets are. It sounds like he's saying one guy shoots for the other team. I wonder if this guy's trash-talking was just as incomprehensible. Seriously, was Cheryl the only one in the family who could talk without mangling the English language every 30 seconds?" I kind of think it all started when Michael Jordan mangled Reggie's face. I mean, everything's Michael Jordan's fault, right? Unless it's Tracy McGrady's fault.
Atlanta Hawks: Their plucky, can-do spirit got crushed in Boston. The Hawks shot 29 percent from the field and were more efficient in throwing the ball away (16 turnovers) than passing it (11 assists). Moreover, they just looked beaten -- and beaten badly -- by about the midpoint of the first quarter. I haven't seen that many stoney faces since Ben Grimm's family reunion. Yikes.
Atlanta's starters: Bad, bad, bad. Only Joe Johnson reached double figures (16 points, 5-for-17). The rest of them were ridiculously inept: Mike Bibby (2 points, 1-for-3), Al Horford (8 points, 3-for-12), Josh Smith (7 points, 3-for-11), Marvin Williams (7 points, 3-for-11). Way to bring it, guys. Oh, and hey, speaking of Williams...
Marvin Williams: Nothing like trying to kill somebody while your team is in the process of being completely destroyed. I don't think even Bill Laimbeer pulled anything like that.
Mike Woodson, quote machine: After his team got colon-blasted in Beantown, Woody said: "I wish we could have played all of our games in Atlanta." Well, that's just brilliant, coach! And I wish I could poop out solid gold bricks, but it just isn't in the cards. (Check that: I'd rather be able to just make them appear out of thin air; passing them through my intestines would probably be an excruciating process.)
Mario West: He played 1:36 in Game 7...thanks to the fact that it was a brutal blowout...which raised his MPG in the playoffs to exactly 1:00. That's right: He played seven minutes in seven games. Super Mario!
Kevin Garnett: He doesn't get a free pass just because he's on my all-time favorite basketball team. So KG: Please, no jersey-popping for barely escaping the first round against a 37-win team. Although looking at the picture again, maybe Kevin was desperately fighting against an alien symbiote that was trying to graft itself to his body. Or something. But at least he got in one last shot on Zaza Pachulia.
Utah Jazz: They put up a good fight, but man it looked like they had tired legs. They couldn't have drop-kicked the ball into the ocean (37 percent shooting, 4-for-19 from three) and they couldn't stay in front of their men. Of course, even that couldn't quite explain...
L.A.'s freethrow attempts: Holy Game 6 of the 2002 Western Conference Finals, Batman! The Lakers shot 49 freethrows yesterday -- including 19 in the fourth quarter -- and Kobe connected on a franchise playoff-record 21 (of 23). Even Phil Jackson seemed a little embarrassed. "It's an incredible night to have 23 foul shots. I know that Utah's not going to be happy about it. We'll probably see about half that in the next game, if not less."
DJ Mbenga: He joined the Mario West Sub-Minute Man Club by playing 3 seconds against the Jazz.
Fox Sports widgets: This is from Shayan of Time Intact. "This is the Fox Sports widget that I have and this is what it shows right now...I'm not even gonna bother pointing out what's wrong, the only thing that's right is the first game between the Magic and Pistons."
NBA.com: Basketbawful reader Tom noticed that the Hornets crushed the Magic this weekend. Wait...what?!
More NBA.com: This is from Basketbawful reader Vert. "Struggling playing at Boston in their deciding game 7, the Hawks used several different six-man lineups so they could have a chance against the awoken Celtics." Well, playing six men would definitely give them a decided advantage...
Even more NBA.com: This is from Basketbawful reader Jin. "I know sometimes you like to post these little mistakes in advertising or box scores from Yahoo/ESPN, so I thought I'd pass this one along. Apparently the Jazz are facing off against the Jazz in the second round. I guarantee you the Jazz will in. I'd bet my life on it."
Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Bruce Bowen, fan submissions, Kevin Garnett, NBA.com, officiating, Orlando Magic, Tracy McGrady, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Weekend
Just kidding; I'm incapable of thoughtful analysis. So everyone relax and have a laugh instead. Oh, and for anyone convinced I'm some blind Boston homer, Cavs in 6.
Whenever my dad ever heard something ridiculous, he would say "(insert phrase here) my necktie!" Example: In my youth, if I said "I'm a good driver" after my third fender bender in a year, my dad would say "Good driver my necktie!"
Well, Game 7 my necktie. That's all I have to say after watching NBA officials - who continue to make calls like blind men watching the game from the arena rafters through plastic cups half-full of beer - gift wrap game 6 for the Hawks.
In case you didn't know, I, evil Ted, am one of those sad sacks without cable TV. Anyway, I figured I'd venture out to the bar and watch the Celts put the finish on this abysmal series and move on to a more interesting challenge. Instead, I watched Paul Pierce foul out of the game on a play where he was ten feet from the action (if I were officiating a grammar school game and made even one inexcusable call like this I'd be beaten by angry parents in the parking lot), and then watched the Hawks drive and flail, drive and flail, drive and flail, and get call after call.
There's a reason the defensive flop and the offensive flail are so popular - because NBA officials are suckers for it, plain and simple. If NBA officials were teenage girls, they'd be constantly pregnant, because they'd believe every lie the horny teenage boys told them.
Here's your Domino's Pizza "Telling-stat-of-the-Game":
Joe Johnson: 4 for 13, 15 points. That means lots of free throws happening for these Hawks - 47 to Boston's 25, to be exact. Has Boston's defense suddenly started to suck? Or are we seeing what we see every time the NBA playoffs come around - teams desperate to win trying every lame tactic, particularly the flop and flail, to win at the foul line? This is what the league has become, rewarding teams that do this (hello Spurs!) and penalizing teams like the Celtics that are just out there trying to play - gasp - hard-nosed basketball.
That said, the Celtics need to find more poise down the stretch. In the last two minutes of tonight's game 6, they played frantically and out-of-control on offense, just like a team that hasn't been there before. Such play will not serve them well against the Cavs or Pistons...
...and mark my words, the Celtics will move on. With absolutely every advantage handed to them, the Hawks squeaked out game 6 by 3 points. They will not fare nearly as well in Boston.
And someone tell Zaza Pachulia to get off the basketball court and get into the ring with Clubber Lang.
Well, Game 7 my necktie. That's all I have to say after watching NBA officials - who continue to make calls like blind men watching the game from the arena rafters through plastic cups half-full of beer - gift wrap game 6 for the Hawks.
In case you didn't know, I, evil Ted, am one of those sad sacks without cable TV. Anyway, I figured I'd venture out to the bar and watch the Celts put the finish on this abysmal series and move on to a more interesting challenge. Instead, I watched Paul Pierce foul out of the game on a play where he was ten feet from the action (if I were officiating a grammar school game and made even one inexcusable call like this I'd be beaten by angry parents in the parking lot), and then watched the Hawks drive and flail, drive and flail, drive and flail, and get call after call.
There's a reason the defensive flop and the offensive flail are so popular - because NBA officials are suckers for it, plain and simple. If NBA officials were teenage girls, they'd be constantly pregnant, because they'd believe every lie the horny teenage boys told them.
Here's your Domino's Pizza "Telling-stat-of-the-Game":
Joe Johnson: 4 for 13, 15 points. That means lots of free throws happening for these Hawks - 47 to Boston's 25, to be exact. Has Boston's defense suddenly started to suck? Or are we seeing what we see every time the NBA playoffs come around - teams desperate to win trying every lame tactic, particularly the flop and flail, to win at the foul line? This is what the league has become, rewarding teams that do this (hello Spurs!) and penalizing teams like the Celtics that are just out there trying to play - gasp - hard-nosed basketball.
That said, the Celtics need to find more poise down the stretch. In the last two minutes of tonight's game 6, they played frantically and out-of-control on offense, just like a team that hasn't been there before. Such play will not serve them well against the Cavs or Pistons...
...and mark my words, the Celtics will move on. With absolutely every advantage handed to them, the Hawks squeaked out game 6 by 3 points. They will not fare nearly as well in Boston.
And someone tell Zaza Pachulia to get off the basketball court and get into the ring with Clubber Lang.
Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, flail, flopping, zaza
thug (thuhg) 1. verb, -ged, -ging. The act of committing an unnecessarily hard foul or fouls; this includes both those that are called and those that are either missed or ignored by the referees. 2. noun. One who commits an act of thuggery.
Usage example: Long before Bruce "Lee" Bowen was roaming the hardwood, Bill Laimbeer was the undisputed master of thugging.
Word trivia: We really do love the 80s, don't we? The 2008 Playoffs have been filled with so much acrimony and so many hard fouls that somewhere out there Kurt Rambis' neck is tingling...while Kevin McHale is smiling wistfully. And David Stern -- The Iron Boot responsible for stomping out physical play in The League -- must be okay with it, because the commish has been uncharacteristically forgiving through it all, from the near death of Jannero Pargo...
...to the extra little shove Hedo Turkoglu gave Chris Bosh...
...to Kevin Garnett's throwdown with Zaza Pachulia...
...to Brendan Haywood sending LeBron into the crowd...
...to DeShawn Stevenson headhunting Lebron...
...to Darius Songaila's "accidental" punch to LeBron's mug. Update! Oops. Wrong. Songaila got suspended.
Note that three of these examples involve somebody thumping Lebron James, which is less Rambis versus McHale and more Bad Boy Pistons versus Michael Jordan. This goes way beyond hombre-ism and straight into the realm of cheap-shotery. And you know what? I love it. I never realized much I enjoyed this kind of tooth-rattling, bone-jarring it's-okay-to-hate-your-opponents intensity until -- all of a sudden, out of nowhere -- it was back. Tell the truth: Doesn't this make the playoffs way more interesting? The word you're searching for is: Yes.
Thugtastic extra: No thug post would be complete without a Bill Laimbeer mix, now would it?
Labels: Bill Laimbeer, Brendan Haywood, Bruce Bowen, DeShawn Stevenson, Kevin McHale, Kurt Rambis, Lebron James, Word of the Day
Here's a fabulous shot of Gary Payton during his Lakers days, courtesy of m. Alana from Billie Basquetbaal and Ladies.... As she said, "Work it, Gary!"
Note the differing reactions of his teammates: Shaq, resolutely determined not to look, and Karl Malone, who seems to be saying, "Damn, man. Karl Malone don't want to see yo' belly button. And ain't nobody else does, either." Truer made-up words have never been spoken, Karl.
Note the differing reactions of his teammates: Shaq, resolutely determined not to look, and Karl Malone, who seems to be saying, "Damn, man. Karl Malone don't want to see yo' belly button. And ain't nobody else does, either." Truer made-up words have never been spoken, Karl.
Labels: fan submissions, Gary Payton, Los Angeles Lakers, man love
Hey folks. Sorry for the delay on yesterday's WotN. Unforseen circumstances and all that.
The trade gang: Oh, if only they had Larry Hughes back. Cleveland's big mid-season trade continues to be a big-time failure. Delonte West was decent (12 points, 8 assists, zero turnovers), but he shot 4-for-11. Wally World shot 1-for-6 and had just as many turnovers as points (4). Ben Wallace had 2 points, 2 missed freethrows, 6 rebounds, and 3 fouls. Joe Smith scored 1 point, shot 0-for-6, and grabbed 4 rebounds (which means he was outrebounded by both of Washington's starting guards). When a blockbuster trade can't yield 20 points out of the four players involved...well, that's trouble.
LeBron James: King James led the Cavs with 34 points, 10 rebounds and 7 assists, and his 24 second-half points were the reason Cleveland had a shot at winning the game. But...he also shot 8-for-21, continued to jack up questionable threes (3-for-9), and committed a game-high 5 turnovers. Even worse, Caron Butler hit what ended up being the game-winning layup against LeBron's defense, and then LeBron failed to answer at the buzzer after Caron had trash-talked him. And just watch his reaction after the miss (from Odenized):
Look, I realize that I bring Larry Bird up way too often, but he's my gold standard for How Legends Should Act and React. I can remember back in the day when Bird would get hit at the end of a big game -- regular season or playoffs -- and not get the call. When that happened, he'd just stalk off the court with executioner's eyes, and everybody knew he was going to kill somebody in the next game. I know we're living in the Duncan Face Era in which everybody has to make their case to the refs, but let me ask you this: Wouldn't it have been much more badass if LeBron had just stalked off the court instead of making that all-too-familiar pleading gesture? I think so.
Darius Songaila: So not necessary (also from Odenized).
What I want to know is: Where's the ejection? Where's the suspension? Has David Stern been replaced by an alien doppleganger? It may be time to check his basement for body snatcher pods, because something's not right. Last season, Kobe Bryant got suspended twice during the regular season for clipping first Manu Ginobili and then Marko Jaric in the face with an elbow while he was trying to draw a foul, and we all remember the infamous Stoudemire/Diaw suspensions from the Spurs-Suns series. This year, it's okay to jump off the bench during an altercation. This year, it's okay to intentionally punch somebody in the face(ish). And I don't care what anybody says: That shot was intentional. I've played enough basketball to know the difference between "accident" and "on purpose."
Way to be consistent, David.
The cruelty of fate: Gilbert Arenas is officially done. Again. His surgically repaired knee has both a bone bruise and a pinched nerve. Serious bummer for Agent Zero fans.
Mike Bibby: He gave Beantown's bandwagonite something to laugh about: 2-for-8 shooting, 1 assist, 3 turnovers.
Al Horford: I've been Horford's biggest supporter all year. Still...the rook is starting to wear on me with all the taunting and rough play. And you know what that takedown of KG got him? Slapped by Ray Allen, that's what. I keed. But seriously, settle down, kid.
Jeremy Richardson: One trillion. Thank you for playing but not playing, Jeremy.
Mario West: A DNP-CD? He can't even get his accustomed 30 seconds in a blowout? Okay. Mike Woodson is just screwing with Mario at this point.
Philadelphia "fans": Despite all of the unexpected success, the Philly crowd booed the home team at the end of the third quarter. Sure, the Sixers were down by almost 30 points. But that's a pretty lousy "thank you" for a great run. Shame on you guy.
Samuel Dalembert: His team has lost by at least 17 points in every game since he got the new 'do. It can't be a coincidence.
Detroit Pistons: They've been utterly devastating the last two games. It makes you realize how tough they could be if they focused all the time. It also makes you wonder why they don't focus all the time.
Lindsey Hunter: He played a sum total of 3 seconds during a game in which his team spent a lot of the second half up by around 30 points. He and Mario West should form some sort of limited PT support group.
AOL Messenger: Here's another fan-submitted masterpiece: "Loyal reader Chris (Mavs fan, not the other one) here, found a great mis-print ad. 76ers and Magic next Tuesday? This ad showed up at the top of AOL Messenger when I logged on this morning. Not to mention that Kobe/Shaq have nothing to do with either team. I know the text looks a little un-centered anyway, but of course I didn't touch this in Photoshop." Thanks, Chris. Also note that the fact that Shaq is already out of the playoffs makes that two-face graphic pretty silly.
Labels: Al Horford, Detroit Pistons, fan disloyalty, fan submissions, fate, Lebron James, Mike Bibby, Philadelphia 76ers, Worst of the Night
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