In a move slightly more disastrous than most of their personnel moves over the last 10 years, singer Phil Collins was hired today as head coach of the Chicago Bulls. The hiring was seen as controversial, since Collins' only professional sports experience has been lead musician for every promo during the 2005 NBA finals and wrestling the Ultimate Warrior.

John Paxson was in a jovial mood when defending the much-debated hiring earlier today. "Now I can't dance, but the Bulls fans can feel it in the air tonight. Against all odds, you can see coach Collins' true colors, even for just one more night. (Collins) may be older, but he has an invisible touch, and he can turn it on again. It's time for another day in paradise!" Paxson later admitted he didn't know what a Sussudio was.

ESPN analyst John Hollinger was also optimistic on the hiring. "Scott Skiles may have been an abrasive character, but Phil Collins can't stop loving you. And that's crucial, since you can't hurry love. He's an easy lover. He'll get a hold on you, believe it. He's like no other." Hollinger also prepared an algorithm proving rock group Genesis had a higher PER following the departure of Peter Gabriel.

The Bulls are in the land of confusion, and John Paxson is in too deep and may be throwing it all away. That's all.

Labels: Chicago Bulls, John Hollinger, john paxson, pure fiction, the 80s