And you thought things couldn't get any worse for the Nyets...(H/T to SRQman)
The New Jersey Nyets: Teams on a seven-game losing streak don't get many breaks. In theory, a visit from the 8-15 Philadelphia 76ers should have been one.

It wasn't. So make that an eight-game losing streak and the 9-15 Sixers.

New Jersey scored only 77 points on 34 percent shooting. Those poor bastards couldn't have hit water if they'd been thrown face first out of the Titanic. But never fear, Nyets players. Help is on the way!

Devin Harris, quote machine: "This is kind of how we have been playing. We play up for the hierarchy teams and we don't play as well against some of the teams at the bottom of the totem pole. It's just a matter of energy for us. We just weren't there. ... We need to jump out on some of these teams and put them on their heels," Harris said. "It's like we are walking into a fight and catching the first three punches. We realize what is going on it is happening every single game. We can't fight like that. We have to come out and throw some punches and come out swinging."

Speaking of Harris, this is as good a time as any to update my all-time favorite stat curse: The Nyets are now 51-129 -- almost a full NBA season below .500 -- since Harris said "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" back in December of 2008.

The Washington Wizards Generals: The Lakers finally got Andrew Bynum back. Until his next inevitable injury anyway. Meanwhile, the Generals were without John Wall (who missed his eight game of the season with tendinitis in his right knee) and Andray Blatche (soreness in his left knee). Then they lost Yi Jianlian to a sprained right knee in the first quarter.

You know that saying "he brought a knife to a gunfight." Well, this game was the NBA equivalent of Washington bringing one of those switchblade combs to a bazooka fight. Actually, scratch the switchblade comb. It was more like bringing a banana cream pie to a bazooka fight. And then hitting yourself in the face with the pie.

Despite being so handi-capable, the Generals were down only 10 points (70-60) with 5:56 left in the third quarter when Kobe got fouled on a three-point attempt and then went to the line and bricked three straight freebies. The Washington crowd -- which was about 3,000 short of a sellout despite the Lakers being there -- mocked him. And you know Mamba was pissed.

With 3:56 left in the third, he knocked in a three from the left baseline. With 2:59 left, he drilled a trey from the right baseline. With 2:27 left, he was fouled on a three-point attempt and connected on all three foul shots. With 2:00 left in the quarter he hit yet another triple to make it 89-66.

Game over.

When asked if those three missed free throws are what made him go apeshit, Kobe said: "Absolutely. I just got going. I got some good looks, knocked them down. I made one. I made the next. Things just went on from there."

Washington coach Flip Saunders knew it was coming.

Said Saunders: "I called Nick and Gil over, and said: 'I just want you guys to be ready' because Kobe's the type of player -- the more difficult the situation the better he is. He got going. He hit 3s, and that's what he does."

He warned Nick Young and Gilbert Arenas? What, because those guys are known for their defense? Nice job, Flip. No wonder your team has lost five in a row and nine of their last 10 games.

Bonus video: Just so you don't misunderstand my feelings about the Mamba, here's Kobe airballing a three early in that game.

I feel better already!
The Toronto Raptors: Michael Jordan was inducted into the North Carolina Sports Hall of Fame during halftime of the Craptors-Bobcraps game. Before tipoff, MJ told his team they'd better not lose or he would end them. Or something like that. Inspired by their former megastar owner's sinister threat, the Bobkittens went out and earned a rousing 97-91 win over a team that has now lost five of its last six games.

It didn't help that the Mighty Dinos let Charlotte -- currently ranked 26th in Offensive Rating -- shoot 52 percent for the game. Nor did it benefit their cause to give up a whopping 29 points off 19 turnovers.

Said DeMar DeRozen: "It's real frustrating. Teams these days are too good, and when you turn over the ball, it's a good chance they will go down and make something happen."


(Chris: We almost forgot, but it's a Raptors loss, which means...the above clip.)


Stephen Jackson: From the AP recap:

Referee Ed Malloy hit Jackson with a second-quarter technical foul after his third foul. It was Jackson's seventh technical of the season and his first since he sent a letter to fans apologizing for behavior that got him suspended for a game two weeks ago.

"It's funny, it's a joke," Jackson said when asked about his frustration over being in foul trouble. "All I can do is laugh at it and let it go."

Oh, that wacky Captain Jack.

The Atlanta Hawks: A couple years ago, I related a story about a bird hitting my car and then fucking exploding. And although I'm not going to repeat that tale right now, it's pretty much what happened to the Dirty Birds in the Motor City. When last we saw the Pistons, they were wasting a career-high 23 points by Ben Wallace and choking away a 25-point homecourt lead to the Craptosaurs.

Of all the lows the Pistons have endured the last few seasons, that was the lowliest.

Well, Detroit came out and smeared Hawk sauce all over the court. It was ugly my friends. How ugly? Let me put it this way: Knee-Mac drilled four three-pointers in the fourth quarter. The Pistons won 103-80.

Said Mike Bibby: "We hung in there, but it seemed like nothing was going our way and then it got out of hand quickly. They hit three or four 3s in a row, and then it was just a rampage that we couldn't stop."

The Minnesota Timberwolves: As Basketbawful reader Cetti pointed out yesterday, I like to mention how often I see the words "season-high" or "career-high" used to describe somebody who just played against the Golden State Warriors. Well, add Darko Milicic to that list. Last night, Mr. Manna from Heaven scored a career-high 25 points on 12-for-19 shooting to go with 11 rebounds and a steal. And 4 turnovers. And a game-worst plus-minus score of -15.

Unfortunately, Minny couldn't take advantage of Darko's big night, or their 50 points in the paint, or their 21 fast break points, or the 19 turnovers they forced, or their 16 offensive rebounds, or the fact that they had a 94-88 lead with five minutes to go against a lousy team that had lost seven straight games.

It was Golden State's third win in their last 17 games. In case you needed some perspective. Meanwhile, the T-Wolves are 6-19 overall and 1-13 outside of Minnesota.

Said Minny coach Kurt Rambis: "Our team needs to learn that if they don't play hard every night, we are not going to win. Particularly in the second half, we did not give a maximum effort. We gave them too many second-chance opportunities and turned the ball over too many times."

Don't forget the missed shots, Kurt. Your team went 7-for-22 down the stretch.

And check out the shooting from Minnesota's guards: Luke Ridnour (1-for-9), Wesley Johnson (2-for-5), Corey Brewer (1-for-6) and Jonny Flynn (1-for-2). That's a combined 5-for-22 from your four-guard rotation. Ugly.

Although, to be fair, Brewer had a Dantley by going 8-for-10 from the line. In fact, Ridnour went 3-for-4 and also had an admittedly pathetic Dantley. So they have that going for them. Which is nice.

The Sacramento Kings: Another night, another near-helpless beating for the Purple Paupers. The Sactowners actually started strong -- winning the first quarter 30-27 -- before being outscored by 24 points over the second and third quarters. The fourth was mostly garbage time.

It's funny, too, because you don't expect a team that scored 105 points on 52 percent shooting to have been so far out of the running only 36 minutes into the game. In all fairness, the Kings were without Tyreke Evans, who missed the game with a sore foot. So they probably should have shot much worse.

Paul Westphal, coach of the year candidate: "Things start snowballing a little bit, and we can't seem to stop the avalanche. Whether it's a couple of calls we think should go our way, a couple turnovers, a couple of made 3s, hustle plays where we deflect the ball and it goes to the other team, it just seems like even though we were playing well, next thing you know, we're down 10."

The Orlando Magic: Despite a career-high 29 points from J.J. Redick -- did he think he was playing against the Warriors? -- Magic suffered a fourth quarter collapse in Denver. They were outscored by 16 points in the final 12 minutes and lost by 17. I'll go ahead and let you do the math.

Check the plus-minus stats for Orlando's five best players: Dwight Howard (-27), Rashard Lewis (-23), Jameer Nelson (-18), Redick (-17) and Vince Carter (-8). For good measure, toss in the fact that Nelson (1-for-10), Lewis (2-for-9) and Carter (6-for-15) combined to go 9-for-34 from the field and 4-for-15 from downtown.

More numbers: The Magic -- despite having the presumed "best center in the league" in Howard -- were outrebounded 40-34 and outscored 46-22 in the paint.

Said Nuggets coach George Karl: "I think they have a great rebounder. But I don't think they're a great rebounding team."

Orlando, allow me to introduce you to Karl's pimp hand.

That said, the bigger problem seemed to be that the Magicians allowed Denver to shoot nearly 54 percent from the field and over 42 percent from beyond the arc (11-for-26). Hands and faces. They go together like chocolate and peanut butter. Well, they're supposed to anyway.

Said Howard: "We've got to play defense. It's got to be everybody. The wings have to do a better job not allowing their man to get to the rim on every play. It puts a lot of pressure on the bigs. It's hard for the big guys to help when a guy takes one dribble and he's at the rim. It's very tough. I like blocking shots but if a guy's one dribble and he's there and I'm all the way on the other side, I can't fly over there. I don't have a cape in real life."

Yes, Dwight's looking at you, Carter. And Lewis. And Redick. And Nelson.

Win-Loss Update: The Magic have dropped five of six. The one win? Against the Clippers. Two of their previous three wins before that? Against the Pistons.

The Carmelo Anthony trade rumors: First it was New York. Now it's New Jersey. And all the while, 'Melo just wants to be left alone. From the AP recap:

The first Anthony heard of the latest buzz of a big trade to the Big Apple was from reporters crowded around his locker and checking their smart phones after he scored 35 points in the win over the Magic.

"Who? I haven't heard that one. Am I? I don't know, dawg. This is new," Anthony responded when a reporter relayed a report that he would be headed to New Jersey on Wednesday.

"I haven't heard that. I'm officially saying I know nothing about it," Anthony added. "When I have some more information, you guys will know."

Asked whether he expects to be at the Pepsi Center on Thursday night when Denver faces the Spurs, Anthony said: "I've got a game here Thursday night against San Antonio, and that's what I'm focused on. All that other stuff, I'm not even paying attention to right now. I don't even know; you just caught me by surprise with that one."

...

Fueling the latest speculation was the three-team trade agreed to Tuesday among New Jersey, Houston and the Los Angeles Lakers that netted the Nets two more first-round draft picks for potential use in a deal for Anthony.

"Oh, that's why y'all" are asking, Anthony said.

Growing tired of the trade talk, Anthony told the scrum, "You want to ask me about Orlando?"

He said he banged his right thumb during the game, but "I'll be all right come Thursday." He added that he's healthy now that he sat out a few days with a sore knee and the flu.

Asked whether he was sentimental at all if this was his last game in Denver, Anthony said, "Are you sending me out?"

Just relaying the reports, he was told.

"I've been listening to reports all summer," Anthony said. "I ain't thinking about that. I'm here. You'll see me suited up Thursday night."

In a Nuggets uniform?

"Of course," he said. "You'll see me here Thursday night, all right? Anything else?

"See you guys."

I assume 'Melo immediately jumped on his iPhone to order The Ultimate Revenge Kit in case general manager Masai Ujiri and team president Josh Kroenke try to send him to New Jersey. I predict that, if they do, they will soon experience evacuation via the natural route.

President Obama and Kobe Bryant, quote machines: From AnacondaHL:

"Derrick Rose may have your number," President Obama lightheartedly jabbed at Kobe Bryant

'If he calls that number, I'll be sure to pick up after the fifth ring,'" Bryant quipped back

Link to poorly written article that contains quotes and goes to extra lengths to explain the joke because people reading ESPNLA are apparently too stupid to get it without the wordy wordy wordy explanation but seriously, that's a great Quote Machine. It makes me look forward to the Heat-Lakers Finals, where afterwards Kobe says something confusingly meta like "I guess you'll have to wait for me to pick up the phone a bit longer."

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Craptors-Bobcats: Joey Dorsey produced 2.5 trillion (2:30) worth of gold records for the Ontario teachers pension, while for His Airness's tax writeoff squad, Gerald Henderson gave up the rock once and threw a brick in 3:19 for a +2 suck differential and Derrick Brown earned a +1 in 3:32 via turnover.

Sixers-Nyets: Anthony Morrow made a mushroom stew in 33 seconds for a Mario! (Chris: Morrow left the game due to injury which negates this lactkion.)

Purple Paupers-Rockets: Jared Jeffries celebrated a total gimme victory against the royally screwed by bricking twice in 4:37 (once from Main Street Square) for a +2.

Magic-Nuggets: Gary Forbes wanted to be a billionaire so bad, and got his wish and THEN some - a 1.15 (1:10) trillion oughta do it! Fellow prospector Melvin Ely made one board in 7:44 irrelevant with a foul and turnover for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Wolves-Warriors: In a shocking development, the Warriors can celebrate a victory, with Dan Gadzuric leading the way via two fouls and a turnover in 2:08 - worth a +3 and a 3:0 Voskuhl. Ekpe Udoh also joined in the party by negating a board in 4:01 with a foul and turnover for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Labels: Sasha Vujacic, Worst of the Night

He has more rings than Jerry West and Oscar Robertson. And he's dating Maria Sharapova. Nope...life isn't fair.
This may be hard for you to believe right now, but during the summer of 2008, there was some serious drama about whether or not the Lakers would be able to re-sign Sasha Vujacic, a.k.a. The Machine. So much so, in fact, that he was threatening to take his talents to South Beach Europe. No, really.

From the Los Angeles Times:

Lakers reserve guard Sasha Vujacic, a restricted free agent, is prepared to leave the team and accept an offer from a European team in the next few days if the Lakers don't make him an offer he deems fair, according to a source in the Vujacic camp who spoke only on the condition of anonymity.

The source said Vujacic is seeking a multiyear deal from the Lakers averaging about $5 million a year. Vujacic was hoping for a six-year deal, but anticipated it could be a shorter contract.

...

Because the Lakers are over the luxury tax, they would be assessed an amount equal to any sum they spend over it.

Lakers General Manager Mitch Kupchak has been negotiating with Vujacic's agent, Rob Pelinka.

"We are very aware of the global market as it has changed over the years. It was our desire to bring Sasha and Ronny back. It continues to be our desire to bring Sasha back," Kupchak said Thursday after hearing of Vujacic's ultimatum. "However, with the ever-changing marketplace that Europe has become, a player, in order to cover his bases, can negotiate with his NBA team and, at the same time, have a plan that allows him to have the possibility of going overseas."

I loved it. Loved it, I tell you. Especially the "according to a source in the Vujacic camp who spoke only on the condition of anonymity" part. It may as well have said, "according to Sasha Vujacic, who is posing as a member of his make-believe camp and therefore needs to speak only on the condition of anonymity."

Mind you, these crazy demands were issued shortly after Vujacic got used by Ray Allen like a Clorox Wipe on a stripper pole...during a critical possession of the NBA Finals no less:


Anyway, the possibility of losing Vujacic to some foreign team actually got some people worked up. People like Kelly Dwyer of Ball Don't Lie. Okay, not really. Dwyer was kidding. Most likely. But I distinctly remember reading some Lakers fan posts urging Kupchak to build a wall of money around the United States over which Vujacic would never be able to escape.

On July 25, 2010, that's exactly what Kupchack did:

Lakers restricted free agent guard Sasha Vujacic has agreed to a three-year, $15 million contract after emerging last season as a key member of the Western Conference champions.

"We felt Sasha made great progress in this past year, and our coach showed great confidence in playing him the second half of the season," Lakers general manager Mitch Kupchak said Friday in confirming the agreement, first reported by the Riverside Press-Enterprise. "Assuming he continues to work as hard during the offseason as he has in the past, I don't see any reason that trend wouldn't continue."

The 24-year-old Vujacic averaged a career-high 8.8 points, 2.1 rebounds and 1.0 assists in 72 games this season, and 8.1 points 2.2 rebounds and 0.8 assists while playing in all 21 playoff games.

Vujacic drew national attention June 10, scoring a career playoff high 20 points including a crucial 3-pointer with a little under two minutes remaining in the Lakers' 87-81 victory over the Celtics in Game 3 of the NBA finals.

Hey, sure, why not? Vujacic had been pesky on defense and a pretty reliable shooter on offense (45% from the field and 43 percent on threes). He had that good Finals game. And the fans loved Sasha. Even Kobe Bryant loved Sasha. Just ask...Sasha:

"They are my team. They brought me over from Europe and I feel at home in this organization and in LA. Everywhere I'd go, Lakers fans would say to me, 'Please re-sign, you have to come back Machine.' And that really gave me a warm feeling about it."

...

"It's always kind of been older brother, younger brother with Kobe and I. Kobe called me on the first day of free agency and said, 'I love you and we all need you. But whatever you decide, I'll stand by your decision.' Then he called me on the last day I was deciding and at the end of the conversation, we both said, 'Let's do it.'"

Wow. With all that love, and the newfound riches, there was nothing holding Vujacic back from having the best season of his career. Nothing except the fact that he wasn't really all that good to begin with.

During the 2008-09 season, Sasha regressed. His scoring average dropped 3 PPG and his shooting went to hell (38% from the field, 36 from downtown). His decline into a pasty mass of useless man-flesh highlighted the only potential vulnerability in L.A.'s championship hopes: Lack of depth at the guard position.

In all fairness to Vujacic -- I can't believe I'm even typing those words -- he did start the season with a fractured ankle (as an anonymous reader reminded me). That would qualify as a setback. Said Vujacic: "I realize that it is what it is. You've got to play it smart. And, it's going to be OK. Right now, it's just a little bit frustrating."

Even more so for Lakers fans, Sasha.

If Vujacic's regular season was a failure -- and let's face it, he managed to disappoint on a team with the perpetually disappointing Luke Walton and Adam Morrison -- his playoffs were the rotten cherry on the poop sundae of his career. Vujacic logged 250 minutes over 23 postseason games and was, without a doubt, the most cadaverous of the active Lakers (Morrison wasn't on the playoff roster). He averaged only 3 PPG on 26 percent shooting. His PER was 4.2. He compiled an Offensive Rating of 82 and a Defensive Rating of 104. He finished the playoffs with a Win Share of -0.1, tied with D.J. Mbenga for worst on the team. And at least Mbenga had an excuse: He only played 16 postseason minutes. All I know is finishing with a negative Win Share score on a championship team is a pretty bad sign. Much like waking up with a pit bull's mouth clamped to your genitals is a bad sign.

What's more, Vujacic's performance in the championship series nearly earned him "Legally Deceased" status. In five Finals games, Sasha scored exactly zero points on 0-for-6 shooting. His series totals were: 2 rebounds, 1 assist, 1 turnover and 3 fouls. It's like the Magic paid him off to suck. (Huh. That sounded bad.) The only thing he didn't do was whack Kobe Bryant in the knee with a baseball bat.

Money well-spent, Mitch.

Beyond his general uselessness in his team's championship cause, Vujacic just bugs the shit out of me. He's one of the biggest, creepiest, most annoying douchebags in the NBA. If not the biggest. As Stormin' Normam Disciple of Not Qualified To Comment said: "This whiny, flopping, jabbering idiot pisses everyone off." That's right: Everyone. Even teammates. I mean, the dude tried to start some junk at practice with Adam Morrison of all people (said Kobe: "A lot of meowing going on out there. The claws coming out.")

Seriously, his teammates can't stand him:


I mean, really:


And again:


Aaaaand again:


And don't think it's only his teammates. Remember when Carmelo Anthony tried to choke a bitch? Check it:


And let's not forget this ill-timed nonsense from the 2010 Western Conference Finals...


...which almost earned him a death sentence from Kobe:


I don't think he was joking. Considering what Kobe's legal team has done for him in the past, I'm surprised Sasha didn't enter witness protection.

So yeah. I have a little extra emnity for this basketball waste product. It's bad enough the guy is being paid millions to mop the Lakers bench with his Eurotrash ass. He's also a miserable excuse for a human being. God, I hate that guy.

But he has a ring. In fact, he's got two.

[facepalm]

Update! Sincere apologies for not linking to the Vujachicks site, something so utterly bawful it is retroactively erasing cool things from our reality even as you read these words. As of this writing, several classic Atari 2600 games no longer exist...but that damn E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial game still does. Thanks, Vujachicks.

Labels: Sasha Vujacic, Worst NBA Champions

Shaq isn't sweating because he's been playing so hard -- he just saw someone eating a hot dog in the stands and it got him all hot and bothered
Welcome to your post-LeBron-Meltdown BAD post. Lots of videos and such today, so I'm going to have to add dividers to make this section more readable!

Speaking of Shaq, Basketbawful reader plonden sent us this video of Shaq blatantly bawful traveling last night.

As plonden noted: "Unbelievable that did not get called." I'm sure LeBron would argue something about it being a crab dribble. How appropriate should this truly be LeBron's final game as a Crabolier.

* * *
Chris sent me this ad from Facebook:
Chris summed it up well: "Um, aren't you supposed to approach the PLAYOFFS with the right mindset first?"

* * *

As featured today on Deadspin, the city of Cleveland still pines for LeBron, no matter how much our readers and commenters may feel otherwise.

I don't think we have to worry about the Cuyahoga River catching on fire anymore -- the flood of tears shed by these poor Cleveland fans will certainly take care of that.

* * *

Also passed along on Deadspin, Bill Self would like you to know about an upcoming charity event to be held in Kansas City by doing his best "John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever" leisure suit disco dancing. Because nothing makes me want to attend a charity event like basketball coaches in white leisure suits.

(And okay, I'll admit it, I do love Saturday Night Fever and I actually like the Bee Gees. Fire away.)

* * *

Per Basketbawful reader Heretic, Sasha Vujacic has a fan club, and it is one of the most confusing, sad things I can imagine. It's fairly telling that AnacondaHL and I both had the same exact reaction: "What in the hell... "

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

LeBron is somehow less interested here than he was at the end of Games 5 and 6.

This is going well beyond the standard shug and into uncomfortable territory

Mike Brown hasn't technically been fired yet, but isn't it just a matter of time?
All The Sunday Games:
Celtics at Magic - ABC, 3:30pm
Series tied 0-0

Can the Celtics continue their inspired play? Have the Magic gone into hibernation waiting so long to play again after thoroughly dominating their first two opponents? Will Pumaman get into foul trouble the second the ball is tipped off? Will Vag Carter do something incredibly dumb in crunch time and blow the game? Will Paul Pierce's corpse be reanimated or continue to decompose on the floor? So many questions!

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Lebron James, Sasha Vujacic, Shaq

The Los Angeles Lakers: After so much was written in the last two days about how tired the Lakers were following Game 3, they came out last night and played like they wanted to prove just how exhausted they really were. You know: Like a group of narcoleptics who ate a huge Thanksgiving dinner (I'm talking, like, four or five helpings) after running an ultramarathon and now are snuggled up on the couch under a warm blanket watching the Detroit Lions get destroyed by [Name of Whatever Team They're Playing on Thanksgiving This Year]. It's sort of understandable that the Lakers would be tired, since they've played every other day for three straight weeks now (with the one exception being the two-day break between Games 6 and 7 of the previous round); but then again, they have no one to blame but themselves for not having extra time to rest after needing seven games to beat a depleted Rockets team in the Western Conference Semis. It doesn't figure to get any easier for the Lakers either, as they will continue to go every other day (only now with traveling in between each game) for the rest of the conference finals. On the upside, if they play the way they did last night in the next couple games, they'll soon have a couple months off to rest up.

The Lakers' lethargy was especially evident on the glass, where they were absolutely obliterated 58-40. (That sound you just heard was Wilt Chamberlain rolling over in his grave, probably after zombie-sexing up the hottie three tombstones over.) Even more telling was that they let Denver rip down 20 offensive rebounds. Not only did Denver outboard the Lakers by 18, but it was the first time in 8 meetings between the two teams this season that Denver had outrebounded the Lakers at all. The best Denver had done on the boards against the Lakers prior to last night was just tie them in total rebounds (Game 3), but otherwise the Lakers have held a fairly decisive rebounding edge against these Nuggets all year. Clearly one team came to play last night...and the other team was the Lakers.

Officiating: Unfortunately, this was was yet another game in these Conference Finals where the refs tried to steal the show. And not in a totally sweet "Vanilla Ice cameo in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze" kind of way. What had started off as a really great third round in both Conference Finals series has turned into the same traveshamockeriness we saw in the last round, with way too many fouls and free throws, and a bunch of questionable technical fouls and flagrant fouls being called. After Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals, some people made a skunky beer stink about the absurd 86 combined foul shots. Well, apparently the NBA doesn't care that the fans don't want to watch a free throw parade, since the Lakers and Nuggets combined to shoot 85 last night.

In the last game's writeup I pointed out that four of Denver's starters had 5 or more fouls. Well, they must have made some pretty big adjustments, since only three Nugget players had more than 2 fouls last night (Kenyon Martin with 3, JR Smith with 4 and Carmelo Anthony with 5). Meanwhile three Laker players had 5 fouls and Luke Walton fouled out in only 12 minutes. In Game 3 the Lakers had a 14 free throw advantage, while in Game 4 it was Denver that enjoyed a 14 free throw advantage. It's just too bad the refs can't be a little more consistent in any area other than with all the excessive technicals (Denver once again had 3 last night, just like in Game 3) and flagrants (Andrew Bynum received one last night for swiping at the ball -- and hitting it -- and ruffling the Birdman's headband in the process). The officiating didn't cost the Lakers the game, not by a long shot, but it's just an ongoing concern for basketball fans that we can't watch the players settle things from somewhere other than the free throw line. Like maybe the Thunderdome.

Trevor Ariza: After being such a major contributor for the Lakers in this series, Ariza was about as invisible last night as Kevin Bacon was in Hollowman. [Edit: Or, alternately, as invisible as "solid plot" or "good writing" or "anything not resembling a giant turd of a movie" in the woefully bawful Terminator Salvation. -Basketbawful] He finished the game with as many fouls (5) as he had points, assists, rebounds, blocks and steals combined. He also had one turnover. You could argue that he helped defend Carmelo Anthony into shooting only 3-for-16 for 15 points, but 'Melo looked like he was limping around a lot out there, so I don't know how much credit the Laker defense should get. To be fair, Ariza supposedly is fighting off a couple injuries himself (and possibly an ouchie in his girl parts), but if those wounds are gonna limit him to the kind of performance he had last night, the Lakers might as well replace him with a runway model who can't walk down a runway. Because at least a hot babe falling down is fun to watch.

Derek Fisher and Sasha Vujacic: At this point, I'm ready to write a stock paragraph about these two guys and just auto-insert it into every Lakers-related WotN for the rest of the playoffs. They are officially the worst duo since Coy and Vance Duke. Last night, they combined for 11 points on 11 shots, 1 assist and 2 turnovers in 39 combined minutes of oncourt poopery. There's not much else to be said about these guys that won't make me throw up in my own mouth, so let's just move on to someone who hasn't made a recent appearance in the Worst Ofs...

Lamar Odom: I feel like I'm actually being pretty generous when I say that Lamar is having a subpar series (7.5 PPG, 34 percent shooting, 8 RPG, 2 APG), and last night was his subpariest yet. While he WAS one of only two Lakers to grab more than 7 rebounds (Gasol being the other with 10), Odom needs to contribute a hell of a lot more than just 8 boards if he's only gonna score 5 points on 1-for-8 shooting while committing 5 fouls and turning the ball over 3 times. Missing half his free throw attempts didn't help either. Which reminds me...

The Lakers' free throw shooting: This definitely could have been mentioned after the last game when they missed 14 gimmies, but after last night's 11 misses (in 35 tries), the Lakers have now bonked 33 foul shots in the last three games. In case you don't have an advanced degree in numeromatics, that's an average of 11 misses per game. Did someone expose the Lakers to an open vial of undiluted Shaqnopsis or something?

Dahntay Jones: He swept the leg, just like a good little Cobra Kai should. John Creese would be proud.


J.R. Smith: Dude was celebrating so hard last night you'd think he just got named Super Captain of Giant Awesome or something. Memo to J.R.: You didn't WIN the series, you only TIED it. Calm down. Buck Nasty said: "Yes, you made a three J.R. That is no reason to pretend that you are a three-point shooting chicken, who is also retarded."


More from Stephanie G: "Last night J.R. Smith was extremely animated, mugging and shimmying all over the place. Is this a proper all-time ranking of celebratory moves do you think or am I being too premature?"

1. Antoine shimmy

2. Cassell huevos juggling

3. Mario Ellie kiss of death

4. Reggie Miller choke

5. Shaq arm waving/pointing/looking at his off hand like it's talking to him

6. DeShawn Stevenson "can’t feel my face" / throat slit

7. And now, the JR Smith shimmy

That's a good list, but you forgot a couple. There was the Mark Jackson shimmy, the Larry Johnson arm bar, Dikembe Mutumbo's finger wag, the jersey pop (by many players, notably Kevin Garnett and Kobe Bryant), and of course the Kobe-trying-to-imitate-Jordan-and-falling-on-his-ass-and-rolling-over.

Memorial Day lacktion report: Chris trudges on, bringing us lacktion the way we like it: Very hot, and awfully wet. "Josh Powell bricked once in 2:43 for a +1 suck differential, a mark matched by DJ Mbenga in a mere 1:01. For George Karl's Nuggets, Johan Petro and Jason Hart resumed their familiar roles as human victory cigars, with Petro running out of gas during a shot for a +1 in 1:01, and Jason Hart stomping out a Koopa shell in the midst of a 37 second Mario."

Labels: Denver Nuggets, Derek Fisher, Los Angeles Lakers, Sasha Vujacic, Worst of the Night

"Send...more...paramedics."
Pretty freaky, huh? That's the kind of scene that's usually preceded by the bloody guy explaining "I got mugged on the way home from work by some crackheads or something, and one of 'em bit me" followed shortly by somebody else saying/screaming, "Shane? Shane, what's wrong? What...what are you...NO! DON'T! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" [fade to black]

Tha man responsible? Sasha Vujacic of course. Shocking.


Note: Bonus bawful points go to the first person who can correctly name the movie I quoted in the caption. AND NO FAIR GOOGLING.

Labels: Sasha Vujacic, Shane Battier, so much blood, zombies

Remember in when I mentioned that little lover's spat between Sasha Vujacic and Trevor Ariza? Well, here's the video. It's like Shaq-versus-Kobe Lite!

Labels: catfights, Los Angeles Lakers, Sasha Vujacic, Trevor Ariza

Josh Childress flew the Atlanta coop to play in Greece. Andris Biedrins, Carl Landry, Delonte West and Sasha Vujacic are all considering seeking out big Euro contracts. Hell, Jason Kidd has even suggested he might finish his career in Europe.

OH NO! THE SKY IS FALLING!!

No. No, it's not.

Honestly, I think that -- for the moment anyway -- this whole "The NBA is going to start losing all its players to overseas teams" issue is a little overblown. This isn't a new thing, folks. Did you know, for instance, that Kevin McHale almost never played for the Celtics? He nearly went to Europe to play for an Italian team before his rookie season because he felt the Celtics weren't offering him enough money (they weren't). Boston coach Bill Fitch famously said "Let him eat spaghetti," but Kevin ultimately chose to stay in the U.S.

Almost a decade later, Brian Shaw played one season for the Celtics before leaving Beantown to sign with the Italian team Il Messaggero Roma. (He returned a year later and signed a five-year deal with the Celtics, but then tried to renege and return to Italy. The Celtics sued him, won the case, and forced him to return stateside.) Danny Ferry also played for Il Messaggero (rather than play for the Clippers) before signing his infamous 10-year contract with the Cavaliers. And guys like Bob McAdoo and Dominique Wilkins spent some time playing Euro ball at the end of their careers. Robert Parish considered doing the same thing.

Honestly, I won't be truly worried until one of two things happen: We lose a truly big name player in his prime (LeBron, Kobe, D-Wade, or someone of that stature) or a whole bunch of relatively accomplished / borderline All-Star players in a relatively short period (such as, for example, if Brandon Roy, Gerald Wallace, Jose Calderon, Kevin Martin, Leandro Barbosa, Rudy Gay, and Tyson Chandler all signed with European clubs in the same offseason).

Yeah, yeah, yeah...the Euro is worth more than the Dollar, the players wouldn't have to pay taxes, and Globalization is starting to blah blah blah. You know what? I don't care. This just gives NBA players an extra bit of leverage in their contract negotiations. There is still, on average, more money and benefit to playing in The League than anywhere else on planet Earth. The Atlantic Ocean isn't parting for some mass European exodus just yet. Sure, we lost Josh, and we might even lose a Carl (although I doubt it) or a Sasha (still doubt it). But that's it.

Is it a hint of Things To Come? Maybe. Shoot, I'll even upgrade that to "probably." But it's only a hint, and those hints have come and gone for years. So, for the moment, I'm going to hold off on building that wall around the country to keep our NBA players in.

Update! Carson left the following comment on this post: "One thing I don't really see people mentioning is that Childress is going to be the HIGHEST PAID PLAYER in the Euroleague. Yes, Josh Childress -- the sixth man on the eight seed in the East -- is going to be the best compensated player in the entire Euroleague. It's not like they have big money over there to sign away stars to play against their weaker competition. A lot of the teams in Europe don't even make that much money, which is why they have so many sponsors...it's more of a way for corporations to get good PR. They're making a truly lucrative run at anybody who's good (Josh, you're solid but there's a lot of players better than you) in the NBA."

Indeed. According to ESPN, Childress' deal "is the most lucrative current contract in European basketball and the biggest in Euroleague history." And it's worth about $20 million (after taxes) over three years. Good money, no question...but how many really, really good NBA players would that buy? Plus, seeing as how it's the largest Euroleague payout of all time, I don't think you'll see a lot more Euro contracts like it any time in the near future.

And here's another couple important points. First, Childress can opt out after the first two years of the deal. Second, there's no buyout clause in the contract, which means he could decide to walk away...pretty much whenever. And check out these comments: "I signed this deal with the intention of playing with Olympiakos for the duration, but obviously, if an opportunity comes up in the NBA I'm more than willing to have my ears open to it. I'm an NBA player and I think I've proven that. This is a little change-up." Uh huh.

Labels: Bob McAdoo, Brian Shaw, Danny Ferry, Dominque Wilkins, Europe, Italy, Josh Childress, money, Sasha Vujacic

Note: Many thanks to Sturla for the graphic. I also used it for today's NBA Closer column on Deadspin.

Ahmad Rashad: I'm going to let Basketbawful reader Sami take this one. "I was watching 'Live at the Finals with Ahmad Rashad' on NBATV an hour before Game 4 began. Ahmad was interviewing Andy Garcia when he asked what I assume to be one of the dumbest sentences ever uttered, to go Bill Walton on you, in the history of Western Civilization: 'Do you think Kobe Bryant is the greatest Laker ever?' (My wording may not be spot on perfect, but that was the question.) Was Rashad even thinking when he asked the question? George Mikan, Jerry West, Elgin Baylor, Wilt Chamberlain (although he was older when he joined the Lakers), Kareem, James Worthy, Shaquille O'Neal, and probably some more that I'm forgetting. Oh, and I think I may have forgotten to mention that one guy...oh yeah! Magic Johnson! Kobe is a great scorer, in the discussion for Top 10 Lakers ever, and possibly Top 5 Lakers. But the greatest? I don't know what to say."

Wow. Me either. Inexcusable question (at this point). Here are my top five Lakers: Magic, Mikan, West, Kareem and Shaq, with Elgin Baylor sixth (thanks CW) and either Kobe or Worthy at number seven. Aw, screw it. Worthy's seventh. He has just as many titles (3) and a Finals MVP to boot (doesn't look like Mamba's getting a Finals MVP this year). And Big Game James never blistered his teammates the way Kobe has over the years.

The Celtics in the first quarter: My memory of it all is very, very blurry. I don't know the psychological term for it is, and I'm too lazy to look it up even though the Internet is only five fingers away. Let's just say I've blocked the details out. Trying to remember them is like trying to read stereo instructions through a dirty ashtray without my contacts on. Bad passes, worse shots, Rondo looking terrified of the ball. At some point, I think when the Lakers were up by 24, ABC flashed a graphic at the bottom of the screen that said the 21-point wound was the largest first-quarter deficit in NBA history. Thanks for making a bad situation feel even worse, ABC.

Random note on Rondo: He has officially become a liability and Doc should yank him out of the starting lineup. You know, a similar thing happened when the Boston Celtics were playing the Detroit Pistons in the 1991 Eastern Conference Semis. Brian Shaw was Boston's starting point guard at the time, and he wasn't just playing poorly, you could see his confidence was shot. Dee Brown, on the other hand, was playing great. But NBA head coaches are always really nervous about making major rotation changes during the playoffs, and Chris Ford was no different. So even though the Celtics were playing much better with Brown on the floor, he stuck with Shaw as the starter and Boston went on to lose the series in six.

And although I think that, at this point, the Celtics can still win with Rondo starting...why take the chance? Did you see Rajon's face when he got pulled in the second half? He had one of those thousand-yard stares going on. If I was on the Celtics, I wouldn't want somebody who looked like they were about to go Private Pyle on somebody running my team with a title on the line. This was the first time all season I thought all those "Matt Maloney on the 1996-97 Houston Rockets" comparisons were justified.

Right now, Boston's best lineup is KG, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen (back from the dead!), James Posey, and Eddie House. There's no question. Doc needs to go with that lineup and sub out (KA-POWE!!) when necessary. Am I wrong?

Boston's end-of-the-half defense: The second quarter was going about as well as I could have hoped. Boston had cut the Lakers' lead to a very reasonable 12 points (51-39) with under a minute to go when Doc Rivers took out Kevin Garnett. Now, I understand why he did it. He didn't want KG to pick up his third foul before the second half because he was going to need a full two quarters out of the DPoY if the Celtics were going to have a shot at winning this one. But almost immediately after KG went out Pau Gasol converted a three-point play. Lakers by 15.

Then, after Rondo hit one of two foul shots, Jordan Farmar ran unmolested three-fourths the length of the court and banked in a three-pointer as time expired. Mind you, Kobe had picked up his third foul and wasn't even on the floor at the time, so it's not like the Celtics were overplaying Mamba and that's why they gave up the shot. As Hubie Brown would say: You always have to stop the ball handler. Always, always, always. Boston didn't do that, and the Lakers killed their momentum and built their lead back to 17 by halftime. What a boner. Now I know how an ant feels when I accidentally sprinkle it with lighter fluid and set it on fire.

The Lakers in the second half: First of all, let me just say, I gave up on this game midway through the third. Yeah, I should have known better. I've been watching the NBA long enough to realize that every team makes a run. But Farmar's three at the half broke my spirit. With the Celtics still down by 20 points, I grabbed a book and went to take a dump. I tuned everything out, forgot about the game, and read a book about zombies.

About 15ish minutes later, I shuffled out of the bathroom like a zombie myself only to hear Mike Breen excitedly saying something like, "And the Celtics cut it to two!"

Huh?

Turns out Boston outscored L.A. 31-15 in the third quarter, and most of that happened during a huge 21-3 run in the final five minutes of the third...during which I was making a donation to the children of Crapistan. I couldn't believe I missed all that, but it's not totally unprecedented. The exact same thing happened in 2007 when the Indianapolis Colts made an historic comeback against the New England Patriots. I walked away from that one, too, only to come back later and find out my team was back in the game. Yes, yes...I truly was the difference in both situations.

But despite Boston's debt management, I still wasn't sold. Teams that have to claw their way back from ginormous deficits on the road rarely have enough to get over the hump at the end (see the Lakers in Game 2). Plus, the Lakers are coached by a Zen Mastery, Hall of Fame coach. As Breen's bleating voice kept reminding me, they also have the best closer in the game in Kobe Bryant. How could the Celtics possibly do this?

This is how: Perkins (bum shoulder) and Rondo (missing confidence) were out, Posey and House were in. Suddenly, instead of having only three scorers on the floor, the Celtics had five. Whether Doc made this decision consciously or whether injuries forced his hand, we may never know. But the Lakers defense -- which really isn't all that good -- appeared to be helpless when forced to cover five capable shooters. This was never more apparent than when Ray Allen walked by Sasha Vujacic for a reverse layup with 20 seconds left, essentially clenching the game. Oh, and it's not like Ray-Ray was fresh; he played all 48 minutes last night.

For your viewing pleasure, here's Sasha -- who shot 1-for-9 last night -- throwing a post-ego-ectomy hissy fit on the L.A. bench. This made me almost as happy as seeing Derek Fisher crying after the Spurs eliminated the Lakers back in '03. Almost.


From Basketbawful reader socalsun: "Regarding that clip of Sasha lashing out at his own team staffer -- that's the sort of thing you get from the Kobe 'curse you publicly for your mistakes' Bryant school of leadership." Speaking of the Mamba...

Kobe Bryant: You guys knew this was coming, right? Kobe was the shining star of last night's Epic Failure. He didn't score in the first half. He finished the game with 17 points on 6-for-19 shooting (although he did have 10 assists). And he was completely unable to impose his will on the game in the fourth quarter, which is his supposed specialty. And let's face it: This isn't a one-game aberration. Mamba has not impressed during the 2008 Finals. He was kinda-sorta spectacular only once: In Game 3. Well, once and a fourth if you count the final quarter of Game 2.

Now, I've been taking heat for ragging on Kobe for years. But here's the thing: I've never denied his greatness. Nor have I failed to give proper respect to his ability to score the basketball. To me, he's among the league's five all-time great scorers (with Wilt Chamberlain, Michael Jordan, Kareem Abdul-jabbar and Karl Malone). My arguments against Mamba have been that he has often been a lousy teammate (there's just no reasonable way to deny this), sometimes lapses into selfishness (although he's been better about that this year than he ever has), ultimately trusts no one but himself (and that's the bleeping truth), and -- SHOCK ALERT!! -- he probably isn't the greatest player of all time.

And you know what? There's no "probably" to it. He's not. The comparisons to Michael Jordan need to stop. Hell, they've needed to stop for almost a decade now. Kobe is not Mike. He will never be Mike. How is this not obvious? Why does this subject come up year after year after year? Let me put it this way: Had Jordan's Bulls been up by 24 points at home in a must-win game in the NBA Finals, do you think there's any way in hell the Bulls would have lost the game? No. Freaking. Way.

And this isn't me hating on Kobe. I'm not being subjective when I say he didn't come through last night. He failed. Imagine if Dirk Nowitzki stumbled in the Finals the way Kobe did last night? Actually, scratch that. Dirk already did it, and he was absolutely crucified for it. Which was unfair then, and it would be unfair now. I'm not suggesting we string Kobe up for losing a big game, because that's happened to many great players before him and it'll happen to many great players after him. But this game should be Exhibits A through Z that Kobe Bryant is Kobe Bryant...and not Michael Jordan.

Update! Stephanie G reminded me about P.J. Brown's dunk on Kobe, which totally reminded me of Kevin Willis' putback slam on Shaq when the Spurs knocked out the Lakers in '03. Here's the video:


Kobe Bryant, quote machine: Paul Pierce specifically asked to guard Kobe in the second half. And, all things considered, he did a damn fine job of it. But when asked about Pierce's D, Kobe was immediately dismissive. "There's no difference [from Ray Allen's defense]. They were determined not to let me beat them tonight. I saw three, four bodies every time I touched the ball." Yes, the Celtics gave help, just like every team in the league has done against Kobe for his entire career. But that's a pretty lame excuse. The fact is, Pierce did a fantastic job of containing and contesting Kobe, and getting help when necessary. Not that I expect Kobe to admit it, but that's what I saw.

But here was Mamba's best post-game quote, in reference to a question about how he would deal with the loss: "Whine about it tonight. Lot of wine...lot of beer...a couple shots...maybe like 20 of 'em... digest it, get back to work. Nothing you can do." Here's the second-best: "We wet the bed. A nice big one, too. One of the ones you can't put a towel over. It was terrible." I've got to admit, that was awesome. Here's the full video from Kobe's press conference.


Update! Random extra: I got the following text this morning from my buddy Craig (who's a huge Lakers fan) from The Association: "I took Kobe's advice and tried about 20 shots...it's worse the next day." To which I replied: "Wow. Then you must have hit more of your shots than Kobe hit of his." His response: "Haha...very hung over. Enjoy it." I will.

Phil Jackson: After the loss, the Zen Master was stunned by typically defiant. "Some turnaround in that game. The air went out of the building. Well, it's not over. This is not over. The series is not over." Technically speaking, no. And sure, anything can happen. The Lakers could come back. But...well, I'm not going to say anything. Anyway, let it be known that Doc Rivers -- who has taken a lot of heat in the press and was recently referred to as the worst coach to ever call plays in the NBA Finals -- thoroughly out-thunk Jackson the Great last night. Phil should stuff that in his peace pipe and smoke it. Maybe he'll have a vision about how to hold onto a 24-point lead.

Fun with photos: Got the following e-mail from Rob of Upside and Motor: "Saw these and my first thought was Basketbawful: Lamar Odom is great at layups. People in LA make signs that make sense. I promise. And Rick Fox shooting us all a very sultry look through the camera." True, true and true.

David Stern: This pretty much sums it up. And so does this.

Update! Advanced stats: Basketbawful reader Mike pointed this out. Tony Allen played two minutes and 15 seconds. He had 1 rebound and was zero for everything else. Yet he had a +/- score of +10. Which was better than Paul Pierce (+9) and Ray Allen (+6). So I guess he was better than either of those guys. Right, Mr. Lenovo?

Update! The Hollywood elite: They may spend most of the game trapped in a money-and-fame-induced stupor, but -- as Yahoo's Ball Don't Lie has shown us -- they sure got pretty weepy when their team pulls the biggest choke job in NBA Finals history.

Update! Me: Okay. I'm ready to admit it. I was wrong. Posey does not suck. That is all.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Epic Fail, Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA Finals, Phil Jackson, Ray Allen, Sasha Vujacic, Worst of the Night

This passionate eyegasm between The Machine and Derek Fisher was sent in by Rhology. Sure, Sasha's staredown might only have been a sign of intense and Platonic camaraderie...but the last time a dude looked at me like that was shortly after we'd finished a case of beer and immediately preceding his "a man knows what a man likes" pitch. So once again I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.


As for this next picture -- provided by Basketbawful reader Remington -- I'm not sure it qualifies as "man love" so much as "man bdsm." I mean, that's one seriously painful-looking nipple-twister Pau's putting on KG. Which gives me some not-so-happy memories of sixth grade gym class. Okay, I'm going to go back to repressing now.

Labels: Derek Fisher, fan submissions, Kevin Garnett, man love, Pau Gasol, Sasha Vujacic

Sorry there's no Worst of the Night post today. Let's just say that the Lakers making it back to the NBA Finals was the worst thing that happened last night -- for me, anyway -- and leave it at that.

Instead, here's some semi-anguished man love between Sasha Douchavic and Vladimir Radmanowhatever. Looks like Sasha isn't too happy about being the catcher. Memo to Sasha: Always establish a safe word. Thanks to everybody who sent this one in; you know who you are, you sexy bitches.


Chub-tastic extra: Here's Sasha experiencing some wingardium leviosa in his man region over a little old-school man love between Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I guess man-on-man affection is storied a Laker tradition. It's enough to give me Forum Blue and Gold balls.

Labels: man love, not unintentionally gay, Sasha Vujacic, Vladimir Radmanovic

Jeremy Richardson: He played only 10 seconds and, of course, went zero-for-everything. Makes sense, since I can't even unwrap a stick of gum in 10 seconds. Super Mario West -- who actually got onto the floor for a buck and some change -- said: "I feel your pain, bro."

DeShawn Stevenson: Al Horford gave him a little of The Mutumbo Treatment in the fourth quarter of Washington's home loss to the Hawks. Watching him flail around in an attempt to get the foul was kind of funny, and kind of sad. Seemed worth a mention.

New York Knicks: They let Mike Dunleavy Jr. beat them almost single-handedly. Funleavy matched his career-high of 36 points for the fourth time this season. Two of those four scoring explosions came against the Knicks.

Isiah Thomas: He looks so sad, I almost want to give him a hug. Around the neck. With a chain.

My own stubbornness: Several of my readers have been calling me out on this, and I'm finally ready to concede to the facts: Mike Dunleavy Jr. doesn't totally suck anymore. You can read my formal concession speech in my NBA Closer column on Deadspin. But until further otice, I am going to officially retire the Basketbawful adage that "You can't trust any team that gives up a career night to Mike Dunleavy Jr." His good games just aren't a fluke anymore. I guess it's not too surprising when you think about it. I mean, he's being coached by Jim O'Brien this season, the same Jim O'Brien that made Antoine Walker an All-Star. Twice. I'm guessing he turns water into wine in his spare time.

Wally Sczcerbiak and Ben Wallace: I'm not going to bother mentioning how John Hollinger and several other NBA experts said the trade that brought these fleshbags to Cleveland was a "big-time win" for the Cavaliers. (Oops! I mentioned it!) Wally's numbers have plummeted across the board. That trend continued last night, as he barely even played (5 minutes, 46 seconds) and had the productivity to show for it (2 points, 1-for-4 from the field). As for Big Ben, well, here's how Matt from Hardwood Paroxysm put it in an email to me: "23 minutes. 2 points. 4 rebounds. 1 block. 3 Fouls. What's amazing about Ben Wallace isn't that he's terrible. It's that he's non-existent. The man is a freaking ghost. It's like he's the ghost from Super Mario Brothers. He disappears if you look at him in any way." One slight correction: The ghosts in SMB didn't disappear when you looked at them, they just froze in place. But that only makes the comparison even more appropriate.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas: I know it can't be easy to play with a bulging disc in your back, especially when you're playing against a monster like Dwight Howard. But Big Z couldn't have been eaten alive any more if a group of tribal cannibals had cooked him alive in a big copper pot. He shot 2-for-10 and almost fouled out in 29 minutes. (Okay. The cannibal joke might have been a little too much, since Superman shot only 6-for-14.)

Jameer Nelson: The Basketbawful broken record keeps skipping on this one, but the Orlando Magic's fatal flaw is their flawed backcourt. Last night, Nelson shot 2-for-12 from the field for his 6 points. And yeah, he hit a big three-pointer with two and a half minutes left to help seal the deal, but even that one rimmed out and hit the backboard before the hoop choked it back down. To be fair, though, Meer Meer did have 7 assists.

Charlotte Bobcats: It's not like I develop unrealistic expectations for 24-win teams, but I did sort of figure that the 'Cats were better than an 18-point drubbing by the Memphis Grizzlies. My bad. What's more, Charlotte's best player last night was Derek Anderson (17 points, 7-for-10). Raise your hand if you knew Anderson was still in the league. Okay, raise your hand if you knew Anderson was still alive.

Funtastic extra: More randomness from Hardwood Paroxysm's Matt: "If you're the Charlotte Bobcats, how do you lose to Memphis by 18? How? How is that even possible? Is it like Ferris Bueller's Day Off, where Ferris says they have to drive home backwards? Is that what Charlotte did? You know what I want to do? I want to watch that game like Memento. I want to see it backwards. Have it begin with the Bobcats losing by 18, and then watch how they self-destruct a little bit at a time, until finally they're at 0-0. That will leave me much more satisfied."

Update: Basketbawful reader Kevin confirmed that the Super Mario Brothers ghosts -- which are called Boos -- do indeed turn invisible when you look at them. The Super Mario Wiki has an entry for the Boos. You can learn all sorts of interesting Boo facts, such as that they have their own system of government (a monarchy), several sub-species (which include Atomic Boos, Balloon Boos, Big Boos, Boo Buddies, Dark Boos, Fishin' Boos, and many others), and a whole list of "notable" Boos (Boolossus, Bootler, Franky, King Boo, The Creepy Steeple Boo, et al.).

Brian Cardinal: He couldn't even get on the floor in a blowout. What's one level below Human Victory Cigar? Human Paperweight? I mean, even Kwame Brown played. Kwame Brown!

Smush Parker: Welcome back, Smush! Based on your stat line -- zero points on 0-for-4 shooting in 10 minutes of lack-tion -- it's like you never left us!

Los Angeles Clippers: I just get this feeling that they've chosen to tank the rest of the season. I mean, they not only signed Smush Parker, they're playing him too. That's a wee bit suspicious, don't you think?

Chicago Bulls: So much for pulling off the upset. Man, that 33-13 fourth quarter was brutal. And so was Kirk Hinrich's cameo (zero points, 0-for-6, 5 assists).

Chris Duhon: Du-Du gets extra special mention for missing the game -- and not even travelling to New Orleans with the team -- due to the ever-popular flu-like symptoms.

Damon Stoudemire: DNP-CD, baby. If the Spurs actually do manage to defend their title this season, he's going to be playing the role of "Glenn Robinson: Championship Remora."

Robert Horry: He let a potential game-winner fly with a couple seconds left instead of calling timeout (as coach Popovich wanted) in one of those classic "He's a genius if he hits it and an idiot if he misses" situations. And I hate to ruin the ending for you, but he was an idiot.

Toronto Raptors: They need Chris Bosh back. Badly.

T.J. Ford: Dude, chill out. Seriously.


Jason Hart: This kid really came through for me; I was afraid I was going to get through a Worst of the Night post without awarding a trillion. And Jason had a two trillion! Woo hoo!

Rafer Alston versus Sasha Vujacic: This one's a day late but worth reviewing. Near the end of the Lakers/Rockets game on Sunday, Rafer Alston went all NBA Street on Sasha Vujacic, Sasha hacked him for it, and Rafer responded by sticking a finger in Sasha's mug before getting restrained by a referee. It's kind of a shame that Alston had to transform back into Skip 2 My Lou at the tail end of his best game as a pro. It's also kind of a shame that Vujacic is such a douche. (Thanks to everybody who commented or e-mailed me about this one.)

Labels: Ben Wallace, Charlotte Bobcats, Chicago Bulls, Mike Dunleavy Jr., Rafer Alson, Sasha Vujacic, Smush Parker, Toronto Raptors, Wally Szczerbiak, Worst of the Night