Is it just me, or does it look like he's pooping outYi Jianlian? Please tell me I'm not the only one.
Today's picture was provided by Geert.

The Orlando Magic's "defense" on Chris Bosh: It's not just the 40 points or the 18 rebounds -- 7 of which were nabbed off the offensive glass, by the way -- it's also the fact that he shot a near-perfect 14-for-19 from the field AND went to the line 16 times. And lest you think last night's eruption was a fluke, allow me to turn your attention to February 20, 2008, when Bosh also dropped 40 points on the Magic...by shooting 14-for-16 from the field and 11-for-11 from the line. He also had a 39-pointer against the magicians in last year's playoffs.

The Toronto Raptors: Bad Sign #127 -- Your star player completely and totally dominates and yet you still lose by double-digits. Although, to be fair, the absence of starting PG Jose Calderon (strained right hammy) might have had something to do with it: The mighty dinos turned the ball over 21 times (including 7 for Calderon's replacement Will Solomon) while registering only 12 assists. Oh, and speaking of Solomon...

Will Solomon: Oh dear God, Will, why? Why?!


It's not quite as bad as Zach Randolph's Worst Possession Ever...but it's damn close. Top five, for sure. Muchas gracias to the anonymous commenter who provided the link.

Courtney Lee and Marcin Gortat: They COMBINED to play eight minutes, finishing with 0-for-2 shooting and 1 personal foul BETWEEN them. That's a two-man suck differential of +3 off the bench.

Hassan Adams: Turned in his third trillion performance of the season with a one trillion against the Magic. He is still averaging a one trillion, by the way. That's right. AVERAGING.

The Atlanta Hawks: Yup. They are who we thought they were. The dirty birds lost their fourth straight game (following the 6-0 start) by letting the Pacers shoot 55 percent against them (including 61 percent from downtown). I don't even have it in me to detail all the crappy performances Mike Woodson got out of his team...except for Randolph Morris, who sounds like an unfiltered cigarette. He finished with 3 personals and 0-for-1 shooting in almost eight minutes of PT.

The Charlotte Bobcats' starting lineup: They COMBINED to score 26 points, 6 fewer than Dirk Nowitzki had against them (and only 5 more than D.J. Augustin had off their bench). They shot 9-for-39 and committed 9 turnovers (compared to only 6 assists). The 'Cats started the game 0-for-9 from the field 0-for-2 from the foul line with three turnovers -- at one point, Raymond Felton stepped on the sideline with nobody within 10 feet of him -- before Augustin scored Charlotte's first two points...with 5:20 left in the first quarter. "It looked basically like the varsity scripting plays against a rec team out there," said Gerald Wallace, who finished with 8 points on 3-of-13 shooting. "They did whatever they wanted to do." You aren't wrong, Gerald.

The Washington Wizards: Coach Eddie Jordan said: "We don't have rhythm, we don't have harmony, we're trying to incorporate chemistry." And that was BEFORE his Wiz lost to the Heat at home to drop to 1-7 on the season. Afterwards, he had this to say: "This team is built a certain way, fellas. This team is built for Gilbert Arenas to lead us. This team is built for our All-Star forwards to carry the wings for us, and for Brendan Haywood to have a career year manning the middle for us. We don't have those things. And this team, you're asking people to do things that they're not capable of doing. They're not capable of carrying the load for us like a Dwyane Wade, like a Gilbert Arenas. You've got young guys who aren't going to make veteran plays night-in and night-out. You put all those things together, and to be in the game is a credit to everybody in this organization right now. You've got to stay positive, but you've got to be realistic about things." Ooooookay. At least Eddie can finally fall back on the "We don't have Gilbert Arenas" excuse. He's been sitting on that one for a while. It's going to be a long season in Washington, folks.

Update! Andray Blatche: Bulletproof (real nickname) released a foul wind on the Washington bench...from which there was NO ESCAPE. People in Chicago are always doing that on the elevator. Just FYI. I found this at Ball Don't Lie, but you can see stills of the entire odorous incident as it went down at Truth About It.


The New York Knicks: They were within 4 points with 1:14 left when Brian Scalabrine -- oh yeah, you read that correctly -- hit a dagger three-pointer to pretty much close the deal. I'm pretty sure "not setting Brian Scalabrine beat you" is a prerequisite for winning in the NBA. I'd say that the Knicks weren't guarding him because, you know, he's Brian Scalabrine. But Mike 'Antoni teams don't guard anybody, which would explain why Boston (shooting 44 percent on the season) hit 53 percent of their field goals last night.

Quentin Richardson: From Basketbawful reader RM: "I'm a long time reader who's never posted a comment, but you HAVE to put this in your WotN. After the Knicks-Celtics game, Quentin Richardson said: 'I'm just real curious to see what those guys will be saying if we weren't in a basketball league and didn't have referees. I mean, it wouldn't be the same story. I mean, they are the world champions and rah, rah, rah, but the tough part I don't factor. I come from a neighborhood where you can say what you want to say, but until you do something, it don't mean nothing.' What the hell?! A championship isn't considered doing something in the NBA anymore? And I'm pretty sure that toughness and defense is exactly how they did it. Besides, toughness comments coming from someone on a team that has teerrrrribbbbllleeee defense is just damned retarded." Seriously. Put the dumb pills down, Quentin.

A few more if Q's choice words: "I think a few of those guys know they can’t just say anything to us.... Some of those guys are happy to get a ring, but you ain't been in the league long enough to talk to people like that. I don't have a lot of respect for that. Like I said, I'd be curious to hear what they have to say in a different setting. I'd be very curious to see that." I'm sorry, but really, when did Quentin Richardson become a "tough guy"? Did I miss something? Does he suddenly think he's all manly and stuff because he plays in New York?

The New Jersey Nets: They shot 36 percent from the field and had more turnovers (13) than assists (12). Which makes sense when you consider their shoot-first PG did the same thing (5 TOs to only 4 ASTs). Speaking of Devin...

Devin Harris, excuse machine: He had breakaway dunk attempt blocked by LeBron James and was quick to try and explain it away after the game. "He's 6-9 and 260. You try to quick dunk him if you can. If not, hey, he got a piece of it. He came back and he played it. If I had a good ankle, now that would be something to think about." That's right, people. It was just the bad ankle. And he would have totally schooled that British guy in the sweater if only he'd known the guy could ball. Blah, blah, blah. Here's the block. Sorry the previous video was wrong.


LeBron James: Before Cleveland's game against the Nets, King James let everybody -- and by "everybody" I mean the Cavs management -- that he won't hesitate to leave Cleveland if another franchise offers him a better chance to win championships (and, presumably, bags and bags of money plus a secret volcano lair carved in his likeness). Said the King: "I think you do what is best for you and you do what is best for your career." Feeling the love yet, Cleveland? Mind you, this is the same guy who complained (bitterly) about his home crowd wanting free chalupas the other night. I guess you can only do what's best for you if you're LeBron James, huh?

Bizarre injuries: From the AP recap's game notes: "Cavs coach Mike Brown seemed to pull a hamstring retrieving a loose ball in the game." Wow.

Lorenzen Wright and Trenton Hassell: Trenton saw Lorenzen's one trillion and raised him a four-minute, 1-foul stint that earned him a +1 suck differential. Anything Wright can suck, Hassell can suck better.

The Sacramento Kings: Last night made it official: The Kings are worse than the Memphis Grizzlies. They let the teddy bears shoot 54 percent (62 from beyond the arc) and outrebound them 46-33...a solid effort on the Suck Fail Scale (I give it a 7.6). Rookie forward Jason Thompson, who had two of his shots blocked (a game high!), said: "Some of the stuff [the Grizzlies] were doing, it happened so fast that we weren't reading our coverages, and guys were missing assignments." When the Grizzlies are moving faster than your senses can accurately perceive, you really need to have those senses checked by a licensed medical practitioner. They did hold O.J. Mayo to only 11 points, though. Sometimes it's the little victories that count, even though they aren't real victories. Oh, and a special callout goes to Quincy Douby, who went 0-for-9 off of Sactown's bench.

The Milwaukee Bucks: When Austin Croshere is your second-leading scorer on the night, you know something has gone terribly, horribly wrong.

Andrew Bogut: The line: 2 points, 3 rebounds, 4 turnovers and 4 fouls in 16 minutes. I'm sorry, Milwaukee Bucks. You can't take that $60 million extension back.

Here's a fun little extra: Bogut quotes from when he got that extension: "I don't feel comfortable talking about $60 million, whatever I'm making a year. At the end of the day, you're putting a ball in the hoop and making a very good living for it. It's very humbling in that sense. I've got some people, my trainer (Sinisa Markovic) for one, he'll slap me around if I change. I've got some friends that are pretty hard on me in a way. I don't just have 'yes' people around me. I need people around me to tell me how it is. You never know what can happen in the future, but I don't see myself changing too much. I think I'm just a regular guy that plays basketball." Yup. Just a regular guy who plays basketball, earns $10+ million per year (starting next season) and high fives invisible teammates. You know, just like you and me.

A stupid Nuggets fan: Our buddy Ben Q. Rock of The Third Quarter Collapse provided the following write-in: "It's pretty ridiculous for a guy to hold a sign saying 'Iverson Who?' while wearing an Iverson jersey. It's like, dude, just check your own clothing if you've forgotten who the guy is. God." And here's the idiot in question:

Pssst. You might wanna look at the back of your jersey...
The Chicago Bulls: They might have actually had a chance to beat the Lakers last night...if not for those 22 turnovers. They also got 11 of their shots stuffed. Said Bulls coach Vinny Del Negro: "I thought we forced some things inside, and their guys are so long that they're going to block some shots. We made a couple of bad judgments going up, and you're not going to go over those guys very often because they're so long. You've got to get into their body and be physical. It was kind of an up-tempo game at times and we got a little sloppy with the basketball." They're so long, you gotta get into their body. No comment.

Luol Deng: He was 4-for-11...and only 2-for-8 on his jumpers. Man, remember when Deng had that sweet midrange stroke? Maybe you don't, because it's been missing for a year and a half. But trust me, at one time, a Deng jumper felt like an automatic. Now it's only an automatic miss and a potential fast break for the opposing team.

Luke Walton: His season of woe continues: 3 minutes, 0-for-2, 1 rebound, 1 foul. At this point, even his former stalker wants nothing to do with him.

Sasha Vujacic and Trevor Ariza: Did anybody else notice their little lovers' spat last night? I think Sasha must still be upset about that chest bump...

The Portland Trail Blazers: I'm sure Blazers Nation is heaving a deep, shuddering sigh of relief over Greg Oden's performance (22 points, 8-for-12, 10 rebounds, 2 blocked shots), but their team lost a very winnable game due to 21 turnovers and 9 missed free throws. And 5 of those TOs belonged to Mr. Oden...and he had the ball knocked out of his hands twice in the last few minutes while he was winding up for the slam. Said Oden: "I want to put that loss on me. We were scrapping, trying to get it back, and it just didn't seem to go our way. We've got to take care of the ball. You can't expect to beat somebody in their home gym by giving them 21 extra possessions." Pretty much, yeah.

LaMarcus Aldridge: For one night he actually played like Tyrus Thomas: LaMarcus finished with more fouls (6) than points (4) or rebounds (4). He also shot 2-for-7 and had 3 turnovers.

The team formerly known as the SuperSonics: I got the following email from Basketbawful reader Samahn that I had to share: "You should also call the Thunder the 'klahoma City Thunder since they have no Offense at all...besides Durant dribbling and chucking up contested jumpers that clank off the rim. That whole 1-10 record isn’t by accident." Done. The 'klahoma City Thunder they shall be.

The American Legal System (again): Prepare for a jolt to your hate bone: The city of Attleboro, Massachusetts, sent Eileen Wilbur -- a 74-year-old blind woman -- a letter threatening to put a lien on her home...because of a one-cent overdue water bill. Oh yes they did. I'm so glad that our government, which has been paying billions of dollars to bail out rich guys, found time in its busy kitten-drowning and orphan-baking schedule to bully an old, disabled woman over a piece of currency that 100 percent of elected officials wouldn't even bend over to pick up if it was laying on the sidewalk. Antonio Viveiros, a former city councilor, paid Wilbur's bill in full.

NBA attendance: Ball Don't Lie has an interesting post about how lousy fan attendance has been at NBA games this season. I have my own thoughts on this, but I'm curious about what you folks think. Are you lovin' it live? Why or why not?

Kobe Bryant: He called a friend on the East Coast from the Lakers locker room even though he has a cell phone plan with free long distance and unlimited minutes. THAT'S A LONG DISTANCE CALL, KOBE!!!

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Charlotte Bobcats, Lebron James, New Jersey Nets, New York Knicks, Orlando Magic, the American legal system, Toronto Raptors, Washington Wizards, Worst of the Night