Hopeless scrub...or helpless victim?
Basketbawful reader Steve recently directed me to a Web site called Caste Football. According to CF's About Us page: "Caste Football's goal is to see that white athletes are respected for their abilities, and that they receive the same opportunities to succeed as non-white athletes." That's a righteously sweet goal, because I've often felt that racist media propaganda -- such as the spurious notion that professional sports require remarkable speed, incredible strength, striking natural ability and a multitude of finely-honed skills -- has unfairly prevented me from winning several Olympic gold medals, achieving All-Star status in the NBA and beating Sonya Thomas in an internationally-recognized chicken wing eating contest.

But make no mistake: I'm not the only victim here. Many current NBA players -- all so white they're nearly translucent -- are being treated unfairly because they suffer from the incurable color of their skin. Some examples (mind you, this article is dated):

Regarding the Atlanta Hawks: "One of the worst teams in the traditionally worst division in the NBA, Atlanta's roster is comprised almost wholly of 'superior' athletes. How is this possible? ZaZa Pachulia is the lone team representative for white folks, and like most white basketball players the Georgian center is a good shooter, rebounder, and passer. So how come he doesn't get more minutes for a team in such dire need?"

About the Chicago Bulls: "They benched their best point guard for a wildly out of control rookie who can't shoot but can jump really high. Of course, that's S.O.P. for the NBA. Kirk Hinrich is arguably the best point guard in the conference, however he was demoted. Then he got injured and is out for the foreseeable future. Argentine small forward Andres Nocioni is incredibly athletic, tough, and skilled. But he's white, so he comes off the bench behind guys he routinely out-plays. 7-foot center Aaron Gray is in his second year with the Bulls, but despite being their best big man has never been truly incorporated into the team's plans. I'm not sure why they even keep the talented rebounder with a soft touch around."

Then there's the black evil in Cleveland: "Aleksander Pavlovic might be the best athlete on the team, but it's blasphemy to say that since 'King' LeBron James is on the roster. Despite being an incredible offensive talent, Pavlovic can't get on the floor. Anderson Varejao looks like Sideshow Bob off the Simpsons cartoon, but the rebounding machine must not be a white man, because he actually gets to play."

Reading CF's NBA analysis was nothing short of stunning, kind of like waking up from a dream in which I'm not awesome, or being magically transported into an alternate reality where the Nazis defeated George Washington in the Korean War of 1812. I mean, who knew that the only thing standing between the Hawks and true greatness was more minutes for Zaza Pachulia? Or that Sasha Pavlovic could beat LeBron James in a jumping contest. My eyes have been opened, and I can't wait to learn more secret truths that govern this strange new world, like that up is really down, C-A-T actually spells dog and eating this delicious, gravy-soaked stick of butter won't cause my heart to explode. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to declare my eligibility for the NBA draft...

Labels: are these guys for real, Atlanta Hawks, Chicago Bulls, Cleveland Cavaliers, Kirk Hinrich, Lebron James, Sasha Pavlovic, White Men, Zaza Pachulia

Dwight Howard: This is a day-late WotN sent in by Jorag: "Hello, I'm sending this picture of Dwight Howard at MSG telling the camera to 'suck it.' I think he's channeling his inner D-Generation X. He knew the camera was on him and smiled right after doing it." To be honest, I wasn't familiar with the suck it gesture and had to look it up on Wikipedia. By the way, I love Wikipedia, I really do. Check out their full list of gestures. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to strut around the office doing "the peacock."

The Oklahoma City Thunder: Their plucky and inspired play sans Kevin Durant and Jeff Green seemed like years ago about midway though the first quarter of their home loss to the Lakers. The Thunder Kittens found themselves on the bad news end of a 17-point deficit (37-20) at the end of the first and were down 62-38 at halftime. And it was more or less "Game Over" at that point. Kobe Bryant didn't even have to put in a Mario's worth of lacktion in the fourth quarter...and Adam Morrison got let out of the doghouse for almost five minutes. Both are bad signs if you're a Lakers opponent.

Note that Kevin Durant "led" Oklahoma City with 24 points on 8-for-20 shooting (including 0-for-6 from downtown), but his team never got any closer than 17 points in the second half. Ironically, his plus-minus score was -24, and yes, that was the worst on the team. I know this was the Lakers and everything, but seriously, this squad was playing better when KD was out with injury. Who knows, maybe their Durant-less hot streak was just one of those quirky Wounded Tiger-type things. But it makes me wonder whether all his high-scoring efforts are really benefiting the team.

Earl Watson: Dig this: "[Thunder coach Scott] Brooks benched Earl Watson, inserting Chucky Atkins as his backup point guard six games ago. Watson hasn't played in any of the six games, including two blowouts in which several reserves have played in the fourth quarter." Wow, is Earl Watson really that bad? He can't even earn a Mario or maybe a trillion in garbage time?

The Detroit Pistons: Don't let the seeming closeness of the final score of their loss to the Derrick Rose-less Bulls -- 99-91 -- fool you for even a second. Chicago was up by 19 points (92-73) with just over six minutes remaining before going to sleep a little bit. Sure, the Pistons were without Rip Hamilton (groin strain), Rasheed Wallace (bum calf) and Allen Iverson (doesn't want to come off the bench), but that's hardly an excuse since the Bulls were missing Rose (bruised wrist), Luol Deng (stress fracture) and Tim Thomas (who was limited to only four minutes due to back spasms), forcing Vinny Del Negro to employ a Mike D'Antoni-like six-man rotation. (Unless you count Lindsey Hunter's brief cameo, which you don't.)

The Pistons have lost five of six -- and that one win was at home against the Clippers -- and they're 7-15 since February 8th. Think about that. Let it sink in. There's no point in denying it any longer: Detroit has become terrible and are in serious jeopardy of dropping to eighth or even (gulp) not making the playoffs at all. But hey, don't get on Joe Dumars' case. Like the Joker said in "The Dark Knight," it's all part of the plan. (Just try not to think about the fact that the Joker's plan totally failed in the end.)

The United Center: Kirk Hinrich stepped in for Derrick Rose and scored a game-high 24 points to go along with a team-high 8 assists. But, believe it or not, the United Center crowd -- what was left of them anyway -- actually booed Captain Kirk during his postgame interview. Seriously. His crime? Bonking a free throw with 17.9 seconds left that would have given the Bulls 100 points and "earned" the fans free grease-soaked Barth Burgers from McDonald's. I guess sometimes surging at the end of the season to possibly make the playoffs just isn't enough. That's what happens when free taco excitement gets out of hand. Fortunately, Hinrich -- who at this point is probably used to getting booed at home -- wasn't rattled. "I have thicker skin than that. Anytime you can get your fans involved like that, it's extra incentive."

(P.S. These are the same "fans" that were chanting "M-V-P!" for Kobe Bryant last Saturday. As always, I'm just sayin'...)

Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley: First they scoffed at Ernie Johnson for suggesting that the Bulls have a favorable schedule down the stretch because it featured eight games at home to only three on the road, proving that they have no idea whatsoever how well the Bulls have been playing at home. The only argument they had was that Chicago was (at the time) a 33-win team and that 33-win teams never have a favorable schedule. And that was it. That was their whole analysis. Look, the Bulls are a different team since they traded for John Salmons and Brad Miller. I would think that NBA "experts" would, I don't know, check into stuff like that. Honestly, I used to love these guys, but man, they've been off this season. Way off.

Speaking of which, you might remember that, back in November, Smith claimed that the Rockets were going to win the title. And he was being completely serious. He's backed off of tht stance for obvious reasons, but he said last night that Houston is "this close" to being a contender and that with Tracy McGrady they would be one already. Seriously, Kenny?!

Monta Ellis: He led the Warriors with 27 points (on 26 shots) but, with his team down one and a chance to win it, his final two shots were a 21-footer with five seconds left and then a running 28-footer at the buzzer. That's the best shot he could have gotten?! Not according to Don Nelson: "I thought Monte could have gotten to the rim, certainly in five seconds get to the rim. But anyways, that was what he chose to do." And by "that" Nellie of course means "chucking up a low-percentage shot under duress." I bet that, after the game, at least a few Warrior fans were silently wishing that the scooter would have killed him last summer.

Corey Maggette: Earlier this season, in a win over the New Orleans Hornets, Bad Porn said: "I think it's a mismatch every time, me personally. Whoever guards me I just think it's a mismatch because I'm just a person that tries to keep a person on their heels and attack them every which way." That quote was the first thing that popped into my head after his 1-for-8 clanker against the Spurs. I bet whoever was guarding him last night thought it was a mismatch too...just not the kind Corey was talking about.

Jamal Crawford: Here's the story behind his latest DNP-CD: "Golden State played again without Jamal Crawford, who missed his fourth straight game in what has become a bizarre subplot with Warriors coach Don Nelson. In the past week, Crawford has been benched, allowed back, and benched himself—all while being perfectly healthy. Nelson doesn't want Crawford back next season and sat him on March 17 in favor of playing youngsters. He wanted Crawford back into the lineup two games later, but Crawford said he wanted more practice time before jumping back in." You wouldn't think there'd be this much drama on a 25-win team. But there you have it. (And anyway, since when has Crawford ever needed practice to chuck up shots? The dude's a human catapult.)

The Houston Rockets: Well, that was a short stay at number two, huh? After a couple days of everybody getting all excited about their Knee-Mac-less rise in the standings, the Rockets got handled by the Jazz, who have sort of become Houston's arch nemesis the last couple years. Utah blocked a season-high 12 shots, stole the ball six times, forced 12 turnovers and held the Rockets to 34 percent shooting. Basically, the treated the Rockets like a chunk of hamburger and just ground them to bits.

Ron Artest: He had 11 rebounds and 7 assists, which are above-average numbers for him. But dear lord, his shooting was beyond dreadful. He scored 13 points on 22 shots. Of his 17 misses, five of them were stuffed by the Jazz. Has anybody registered heyronartestpleasestoptakingsomanybadshots.com yet? Because it probably needs to happen. Just, you know, make sure Ron won't be able to track you down.

Lacktion report: Chris took a brief respite from scouring the thrift stores for Kings-related merchandise to you, dear readers, a lacktion quickie. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Pistons-Bulls: Detroits' Walter Sharpe cut out the NES's lockout chip for a 52 second Mario that included a made shot and a board, while Lindsey Hunter put up a brick from the Sears Tower and a foul in 4:51 for a +2 suck differential.

Lakers-Thunder: Adam Morrison threw a piece of masonry for +1 in 4:50 for Los Angeles.

Kobe Bryant: Go ahead and add "arm nom" to his list of crimes against humanity. Thanks to Dan B. for the pic.


The NBA marketing geniuses: Basketbawful reader j men wrote in to say: "Don't you find it funny that the NBA would put up a video called 'Coming Soon: Baron Davis in the 2009 playoffs'?" I assure you, he is not kidding, and yes, this comes from the official home of the NBA on YouTube:


Chris Bosh: So the "RuPaul of Big Men" is a deadbeat dad and his malfeasance might have caused the Craptors descent into oblivion? Wow. It's enough to make Toronto fans long for those halcyon days of the Vinsanity Era.

Labels: Detroit Pistons, Golden State Warriors, Kevin Durant, Kirk Hinrich, Los Angeles Lakers, Oklahoma City Thunder, Worst of the Night

Antoine Walker: Basketbawful reader Jochem de Graas was quick to pick up on the rather laughable pretext for Employee #8's absence from the Timberwolve's matchup against the Raptors: "The reason Antoine Walker didn't play last night: Minnesota forward Antoine Walker didn't travel to Toronto because of what Wittman called 'a passport problem.' On the bottom under game notes. That's more creative then flu-like symptons." True enough, Jochem. If the NBA ever expands to Europe, I predict that "passport problems" will become the new "flu-like symptoms." You heard it here first, folks.

The Orlando Magic starting backcourt: Jameer Nelson and Maurice Evans combined to score only 2 points (1-for-6) in 43 minutes of lack-tion. Nelson at least dished out 7 assists; Evans' line of zero points, zero rebounds, zero assists, 1 turnover, 1 steal and 1 foul made me wonder whether something tragic had happened to a close family member. His mind obviously wasn't in the game, and his body was barely there either.

Kevin Martin: We did mention that he's The Man in Sacramento now that Mike Bibby's gone, right? Well, when's he going to start playing like it? Speedracer scored a mere 6 points on 2-for-9 shooting against Bibby's new team. And the rest of his stat line was just as uninspiring: 1 rebound, 2 assists, 2 turnovers, 2 steals, 2 personal fouls, and a +/- score of -19...worst on the team. Also, the Atlanta backcourt lit the place on fire (Bibby had 24 points and 12 assists, Joe Johnson scored 26). I do like me a good revenge game. Congrats, Bib. It's too bad that, at the end of the day, you're still a Hawk.

Kirk Hinrich: Captain Kirk set his phaser to "suck" once again. Two night after getting ejected for arguing an out-of-bounds call, Hinrich got benched 56 seconds into the third quarter -- for Larry Hughes, no less -- and never returned. Said Chicago coach Jungle Jim Boylan: "I said there's competition out here. Bring your 'A' game or come down and sit next to me. That's the way that went tonight. I just didn't like the way the first couple possessions went. Everybody's accountable and there are no exceptions." Hinrich scored 6 points (2-for-3) and dished 3 assists in the 16 minutes and 35 seconds he was on the floor. After the game, he left the locker room "quickly without commenting."

Shawne Williams: According to the AP game recap, "Pacers F Shawne Williams (personal reasons) left at halftime and didn’t return." Well, here are those reasons: "A man wanted for murder in Memphis, Tenn., was arrested Wednesday night after leaving the home of Indiana Pacers forward Shawne Williams on the Northeastside, according to Indianapolis metropolitan police." It doesn't get much more "personal" than harboring a murdering fugitive from justice, does it. For his part, Williams said, "I feel like I let my organization (and) my teammates down, along with the Simon brothers (team owners Mel and Herb) and my family." Williams also said that he "wasn't very close" with Rollins, and would be more careful in the future. Mind you, this incident comes only a few days after a woman was allegedly raped at Marquis Daniels' home (though not by Daniels) during a "small gathering." Man, the Pacers really need to start making better friends.

Travis Diener: This is how I put it in my NBA Closer column over at Deadspin: "After Larry Hughes lit the Pacers up for 29 points (10-for-19) in Chicago's 113-107 victory, Dick Diener's little nephew shamelessly abused the English language by stringing the following nonsense words together: "[Hughes] is a good player. There's a reason he has a big contract. They don't just throw money away to [bad] players." Oh yes they do, Travis. They most certainly do. Exhibit A: Stephon Marbury is currently making $20,109,375 (the third highest salary in the league). Exhibit B: Raef LaFrentz (1.7 PPG, 1.6 RPG) is making $11,813,750. Exhibit C: Antoine Walker and Kwame Brown are both making around $9 million this season...and Employee #8 still has three years and $30 million left on his contract! (Have fun choking down that buyout, Kevin.) So I think it's been pretty firmly established that "they" do indeed reward bad players with fat contracts."

Wally Szczerbiak: Wasn't Wally World supposed to be an upgrade over Larry Hughes? On a night in which Hughes led his new team to victory on the road by scoring 29 points on 10-for-19 shooting, Szczerbiak scored 12 points on 3-for-13 shooting...a performance so close to the Cleveland Cavaliers version of Larry Hughes that I'm starting to wonder if the two players didn't just switch bodies or something.

Dwyane Jones and Billy Thomas: These two men arose from the Cleveland bench to play 29 seconds a piece and go zero-for-everything. Yet, amazingly, they both had a +/- score of +5, which tied for second-best on the team -- and much, much better than LeBron's -13. So I guess that means the Cavs would have won if those guys had just gotten some more playing time, right? Riiiiight. I just love these New Age stats.

Brian Scalabrine: A few weeks ago, Brian was Boston's starting power forward. Now that Kevin Garnett has returned to the lineup, he's racked up six straight DNP-CDs. Of course, we're supposed to believe he has a strained right groin and not a case of the "Thanks for filling in and everything, but now that KG's back we don't really need you anymore."

LeBron James: The King scored the 10,000th point of his NBA career, becoming the youngest player in league history to reach the 10K mark (23 years and 59 days). But James' misguided shooting (7-for-24) sunk the Cavs' chances of upsetting the Celtics in Boston. (And yes, I know he sprained his ankle.)

The Charlotte Bobcats: They didn't just lose to the Knicks, they got blown the hell out. Sure, Gerald Wallace was out and Jason Richardson left early because he got poked in the eye. But we at Basketbawful have exacting standards, and every loss to New York warrants a mention in Worst of the Night.

Eddy Curry: On a night when the Knicks were lighting up the scoreboard like an old-school pinball machine, E-City scored zero points (0-for-3) and grabbed 3 rebounds in 15 minutes of listless lack-tion before getting intimately acquainted (again) with the Madison Square Garden bench.

The Phoenix Suns defense: This is probably a bogus Worst of the Night entry, since there is no Phoenix Suns defense. Also, Boris Diaw continued to suck, so badly in fact that I'm not even going to give him his own entry. He is officially dead to me.

Rasheed Wallace: 'Sheed had another one of "those games," shooting 2-for-12 from the field and 0-for-5 beyond the arc. There's no word as of yet how many of those three-point attempts were left-handed.

The Seattle SuperSonics defense: Yet another nonexistent D. The Sonics played defense with the passion and fire of a bunch of cardboard cutouts of the Wizard of Oz munchkins, giving up an NBA season-high in points (138) and a Denver franchise record in field goal percentage (67). If we find out later today that Bill Walton's head exploded last night, I promise you this game will be the reason why.

Kevin Durant: I just hate this guy's game. I hate it. I read yesterday that a TrueHoop reader compared Durant to Pistol Pete Maravich and I swear to my savage pagan gods that I projectile vomited on the spot. Are you kidding me? No, seriously, are you kidding me?! The comparison is valid only insomuch as any high-scoring, heralded rookie who has a rough start in the league could be compared to Pete. The exact same thing could have been said about Adam Morrison last year. The difference is, Pete Maravich was an absolute sensation in college, and in the NBA, even if his first season went much more poorly than expected. Durant does not possess the Pistol's artistry nor his flare for the dramatic, not to mention his crazy handles. Maravich was one-of-a-kind..he revolutionized the way the game was played! Yeaargh! Okay. Okay, I'm done. Michael from Seattle, I know you'll never see this, but please, for the love of all that's pure and good about the sport of professional basketball, do not ever blaspheme the name of Pete Maravich like that again. (Sidenote: Durant scored 16 points on 17 shots last night. Potential ROYs should be able to average at least one point per shot, in my book.)

Blazers versus Clippers: This ended up being a very exciting game, but the first three quarters, well, they weren't exactly easy on the eyes. As Matt from Hardwood Paroxysm put it in an email to me: "Hragnn...Clippers...39...Portland...42...with 7:45 gnarhc...in 3rd quarter...negativ basketbooool, maiking...meee stooopid..."

Labels: Antoine Walker, Charlotte Bobcats, Eddy Curry, Kevin Durant, Kirk Hinrich, Lebron James, Phoenix Suns, Wally Szczerbiak

The San Antonio Spurs: Everybody always talks about what a competitive bastard Kobe Bryant is, but what about those Spurs, huh? They must have seen the video I posted of Zach Randolph's poop stew of a possession and said, "You think that sucked, Basketbawful? Well, we're going to show you craptastic suckitude on a grand and historic level. And then we'll win anyway." And I'll be damned if they weren't as good as the words I imagined they said. The defending champs scored five points -- five points!! -- in the first quarter, setting new franchise lows in points, field goals made (1-for-17), and field goal percentage (6) in a single 12-minute session.

Fun fact: The Spurs' previous low in points for a quarter was eight, which they most recently had on Christmas Day in 2005 at Detroit.

The Atlanta Hawks: When you hold your opponent to five points on 6 percent shooting in the first quarter, you're probably well on your way to a nice, easy win. Unless, of course, you are the Atlanta Hawks, who have been snatching defeat from the jaws of victory since 1968. And make no mistake: This loss was a group effort. The Hawks shot 33 percent as a team and committed 22 turnovers. All-Star Joe Johnson hit only 5-of-12 shots and threw the ball away 6 times. Mike Bibby couldn't throw a ping pong ball in the ocean (1-for-11). Josh Smith shot 2-for-12 and lost the ball 8 times. Mario Williams scored a one trillion. Say it with me once again: They are who we thought they were.

Marquis Daniels: A woman was allegedly raped at Daniels' home during a "small gathering." According to the police, Daniels is not a suspect. Said Daniels: "I don't know what happened. I wasn't involved." He wasn't involved in a small gathering held at his own house? What, did a roving band of criminals break in and decide to throw a rape party? I doubt it. Brawls, shootings, more shootings, mascot assault and battery...am I the only person who's tired of seeing random Pacers in the Indianapolis police blotter? Or am I the last Pacers fan alive? Anyone out there? Anyone? Bueller?

Travis Diener: I'm not going to going to mention the whole "name rhymes with wiener" thing -- oops, I mentioned it -- because the real issue was his 2-for-10 shooting performance. What, the Pacers miss Jamaal Tinsley so much they replaced him with sombody who shoots even worse? Diener's hitting 33 percent of his shots on the season. He's only hit 50 percent of his shots once in 10 games this month, and he's had nights of 2-for-8, 1-for-7, 2-for-8 again, 1-for-7 again, 2-for-6, and 3-for-9. I thought white guards were supposed to be able to shoot. That's what they do, right? Shoot?

Andrea Bargnani: His 25-point discharge against the Knicks had me a little worried. I thought I was going to lose one of my favorite human dartboards. But, again, he is who we thought he was: 2 points (1-for-5) and 3 turnovers. Not his worst game by any stretch of the imagination, but it merits Worst of the Night mention since it immediately followed so many foolishly raised expectations.

Kirk Hinrich: Captain Kirk set his phaser to "suck" last night, scoring zero points (0-for-2) to go along with 2 assists and 3 turnovers in 11 minutes of playing time. Oh, and did I mention he got tossed near the end of the first half for arguing with referee Monty McCutchen that a loose ball was knocked out of bounds by Jason Kidd. Getting yourself ejected when your team is up by 30 is kind of stupid, but getting thrown out when your team is in a dog fight against a good team on the road is [puts on Bill Walton hat] selfish, irresponsible, self-aggrandizing, and just plain terrible.

Luol Deng: He scored 10 points on 3-for-9 shooting, which isn't the strongest case for Worst of the Night status, until you consider that John Paxson absolutely refused to trade for Kevin Garnett, Pau Gasol, or even Kobe Bryant if Deng was to be included in the trade. How'd that work out for you, Pax?

Bill Simmons: The man who consistently loses out to his wife on NFL picks bashed the Jason Kidd trade because Kidd can't shoot (5-for-7 last night), can't get to the hole anymore (3-for-4 on layups), can't make things any easier for Dirk (29 points, 10 rebounds), and Jerry Stackhouse is washed up (23 points, 7-for-11). Good calls, one and all, Bill. Sure, it's only one game, and it was against the Bulls. But still...

J.R. Smith: He faked Chauncey Billups out on a crossover and drew a foul with 6.5 seconds remaining and the Nuggets down by two. Then he went and gonked both freethrows and the Pistons went on to win 98-93. Hey, maybe the Detroit fans distracted hi...wait, what? They were playing in Denver? Never mind, then. Said Smith: "I feel awful." No. You feel basketbawful. Edit: My bad, guys and gals. Basketbawful reader Andrew correctly informed me that the Nuggets were down three when Smith got fouled on a three-point attempt. Smith made the first 'throw, boned the second, then intentionally missed the third. It is, nonetheless, still awful.

Marcus Camby: While I'm dissing on the Nuggets, let's not forget Mr. "I shoulda been an All-Star" Camby, who shot 1-for-8 last night. He was 0-for-1 on layups and 1-for-7 on jumpers. Only one of his shots -- the layup -- came in the paint. He's a center, right? Thinks he should have been an All-Star center, right? Okay. Just checking.

The Los Angeles Clippers: You know what? Forget it. They've been through enough.

Labels: Andrea Bargnani, Atlanta Hawks, Bill Simmons, Kirk Hinrich, Los Angeles Clippers, luol deng, Marcus Camby, Marquis Daniels, San Antonio Spurs

Cleveland Cavaliers: Just how bad are the Cavaliers without Lebron James? As it turns out, pretty darn bad. The Cavs suffered another humiliating beatdown last night, courtesy of the Gilbert Arena-less Washington Wizards. Cleveland's lowlights included: A 13-point second quarter (during which the Wiz scored 31 points); a 45-29 rebounding disadvantage; a 1-7 shooting performance by Sasha Pavlovic (who's gone 12-46 over the last four games); and seven minutes of Eric Snow (who scored zero points on 0-1 shooting to go along with his 1 assist and 1 turnover). But the worst sign of trouble for the Cavs is the fact that Shannon Brown led the team in shot attempts (14) for the second straight game, and this is a guy who's only played six games total all season. Brown had more shot attempts last night than Zydrunas Ilgauskas has gotten in the last two games (13). What's up with that? Anyway, Cleveland's losing streak has reached five games, and this skid will probably be used as Exhibit A in the Case of Lebron James Winning the 2008 MVP Award. (And hey, it's already happened.)

Fun fact: A rare (and ugly) Rubbermaid action figure of Zydrunas Ilgauskas is currently available on eBay. Get your Christmas shopping done early.

Kirk Hinrich and Ben Wallace: Not only did these guys throw up a double goose egg against the Bobcats -- both scoring zero points on identical 0-3 shooting -- they were both exiled to the bench for the entire fourth quarter in favor of Chris Duhon and Joakim Noah. Rightly so, as it turns out, as Noah provided energy (8 points, 2 steals, 5 fouls), Duhon provided leadership (12 points, 4-7 shooting, 9 assists), and the Bulls outscored the Bobcats 38-22 for a big come-from-behind win. Are the Bulls better without Hinrich and Wallace? Well, their +/- scores for the season are -89 and -61, respectively (Duhon leads the team with a +15). However, the Bulls best five-man combination is Duhon, Wallace, Ben Gordon, Luol Deng, and Tyrus Thomas. But hell, I don't even know what any of that means. What I do know is that the Bulls may have won, but they're still a mess. Skiles' rotation is less predictable than the stock market, but, in his defense, none of his players (with the possible exception of Andres Nocioni) has proven consistently reliable. Hinrich is playing like he suffered a serious head injury over the summer, Wallace is playing like an old man (mid-60s at least), and the jump shooters -- which means pretty much everybody -- are misfiring like they developed a group case of cerebral palsy. So Skiles is stuck searching for answers and, frankly, I'm not sure there are any. Seriously, I think it's time for John Paxson to make a trade. This team isn't going anywhere.

Fun fact: Two of the Bulls five wins have come at the expense of the Bobcats, which means Scott Skiles is probably already circling January 2 and 25 on his calendar.

Brian Scalabrine: He was last night's one trillion award winner in Boston's routine 113-103 win over the 76ers (losers of three straight and seven of their last 10). On the subject of that game, I might as well mention that Ray Allen shot a not very good 3-12, and the Sixers continued to struggle from beyond the arc (4-14 last night, and 9-51 over their last four games).

(Not) Fun fact: Before the game, Paul Pierce apparently "scolded a couple of teammates in the locker room who [were] having too much fun and screaming to some music." Said Pierce: "We're trying to play a game." Pierce then admitted that, last season, he "spent too much time telling his younger teammates what to do, where to go, what to eat, how to dress." Wow. Who knew Pierce was such a Fun Nazi? Oh, right, these guys.

The Raptors' "Defense": Yes, I know that their big guns are out due to injury, but that doesn't explain why they allowed the Suns to shoot nearly 60 percent as a team (on the second night of back-to-back games no less), score 45 points in the third quarter, and find garbage time for Eric Piatkowski, Sean Marks, Marcus Banks, and D. J. Strawberry. The Suns haven't played all 12 guys in a game since the preseason. Toronto's passive defense even brought Boris Diaw out of his offensive coma (14 points on 7-11 shooting). Said Raptors coach Sam Mitchell: "Our transition defense was just horrible." He probably should have added "half-court," "man-to-man," and "rotation" to the list of horrible defenses played by his team.

Fun fact: Steve Nash has dished 50 assists in his last three games. Also, he's currently shooting 54 percent from the field, 48 percent from three, and 94 percent on the line. Nash has officially transformed into some kind of basketball playing computer. He's just awesome.

Jason Kidd: He missed the Nets' feeble 100-93 loss to the lowly Knicks due to what was reported to be a migraine headache. But rumor has it that what Kidd really had was a throbbing pain in his ass, that pain being the wretchedness of his team. Kidd, who has no history of migraine headaches, appears to be upset that his team sucks, and that certain teammates --cough*VinceCarter*cough -- can't play through a little pain and discomfort. In a way, I can't blame him, because playing with Vince Carter would give me headaches too. But quitting on your team, even if it's only for a night, isn't cool.

Fun fact: Jason Collins played another scoreless 21 minutes last night. He's now gone scoreless in 13 of 19 games. He played more than 20 minutes in seven of those 13 scoreless games. How does a starting center go scoreless in 20+ minutes of action? He also didn't grab a single rebound last night, the second time this season that he's failed to haul in a rebound when playing more than 20 minutes.

Luther Head: He played 30 seconds last night and his stat line was just a bunch of zeroes. He only played 20 minutes and had two DNP-CDs in the five games before that. Remember when this kid was supposed to be pretty good? Head averaged 11 PPG last season, but he's fallen completely out of Rick Adelman's rotation. But I guess that's what happens when you're competing with Chuck Hayes and Steve Francis for playing time. That sound you just heard was Luther's mom's heart breaking.

Dallas Mavericks: The Mavs had to be pretty excited about getting a chance to face off against the Spurs minus Tim Duncan. Too bad for them that the Spurs appear to be the better team with or without their best player. The Mavs got outscored 31-17 in what turned out to be the decisive third quarter. Dirk Nowitzki continued to live up to his reputation for disappering in big games by scoring only 15 points (4-11), committing 4 turnovers, and missing a wide-open three-pointer at the buzzer that would have won the game (and Mr. MVP was the second option on the game-winning play). He wasn't the only Maverick who was playing more like Iceman, though; Devin Harris shot 2-11 and Jerry Stackhouse 2-9.

Fun fact: Trenton Hassell played 16 seconds last night. That gives him 26 seconds of playing time in the last two games. It's easy to forget this, since he hasn't been playing, but Dallas signed Hassell for his defense and toughness. That being the case, it might have been a good idea to unleash him on Manu Ginobili, who scored a season-high 37 points (12-24), 4 rebounds, and 6 assists despite a bruised finger on his shooting hand (ahem, Lebron James). I'm just saying, if you're going to pay a guy $4 million a year to play defense, you might as well let him do it.

Allen Iverson: He scored 51 points last night, but he only scored 2 points and missed his only freethrow in the fourth quarter as he watched Kobe and the Lakers steal the game. What's worse is that Kobe used Iverson as a prop as he performed a fourth quarter dance. The turning point of the game was when Kobe hit Iverson on the arm on a three-point shot attempt (no call) then ran over Iverson on his way downcourt en route to tossing a sweet lop pass to Andrew Bynum for a dunk. After that play, I knew the Nuggets were finished. Anyway, scoring 50 points and losing is kind of like showing up to the prom in a limo and wearing kickass tux but then watching some other dude walk off with your girlfriend. Not that that ever happened to me of course. But I bet it would feel like scoring 50 in a loss.

Fun fact: Has anyone noticed how well Derek Fisher is shooting the ball this season? He's shooting nearly 51 percent from the field (he was 6-11 last night). This from a 40-percent career shooter who hit 38 percent of his shots last year and has never shot better than 43 percent for a season. Fisher is very quietly having a career season, for which I have no decent explanation.

Los Angeles Clippers: They lost their seventh consecutive game to a the Seattle Supersonics (4-15). Cuttino Mobley shot 2-10. Tim Thomas shot 2-14. Chris Kaman is absolutely killing himself (19 points and 14 rebounds last night, 18 and 14 for the season) for no reason. I read one article that compared the Clippers to a rudderless ship. Hardly. It's more like a ship with no rudder, no sails, a faulty engine, several holes gushing water, and getting eaten by a giant shark. Ugly.

Fun fact: Chris Kaman spent much of his childhood on a chicken farm. Which makes sense, since he looks like the result of some mad gene-splicing experiment involving humans and chickens, and possibly Bigfoot.

Milwaukee Bucks: Last night, the Bucks continued their transformation from "better than we expected" to "league bitch" in a 120-90 loss to the Golden State Warriors. The 11-point second quarter is what killed them. That and the fact that they aren't any good. That may sound like a harsh statement, but they let Austin Croshere hit three three-pointers and throw down a dunk in the fourth quarter. What other conclusion am I supposed to come to?

Fun fact: Remember how the Bucks outbid the Miami Heat for Charlie Bell's services last summer? Think they're regretting that move now? Last night he scored zero points (0-5) and committed 3 turnovers in 17 minutes of action. It was the fifth time this season he's failed to score a single point. But even in those games, he fell only four points below his season average. He's currenlty shooting 26 percent from the field and he has almost as many turnovers (20) as field goals (22). And the Bucks have him signed for four more years and almost $15 million.

Labels: Allen Iverson, Ben Wallace, Brian Scalabrine, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Jason Kidd, Kirk Hinrich, Los Angeles Clippers, Luther Head, Milwaukee Bucks, Toronto Raptors