This clip wasn't included in the "You Got Ginobli'd" video, but it may very well be our favorite Ginobili Special: Manu flops not once but twice on the same possession. But the best part, without question, is the first flop...which is actually a double flopparoonie with Steve Nash, who comically splays his arms and legs out after he falls. This is much more rare than hot chicks with douchebags (which, as it turns out, isn't that rare at all).

Enjoy it. Supposedly this kind of stuff won't happen next season...

Labels: flopping, Manu Ginobili, Steve Nash, Videos

Ginobili (gi-nob'-blee) verb. 1. To flop in response to minimal (or perhaps fictitious) contact in order to draw a foul. 2. To greatly overreact to little or no physical stimuli for personal gain.

Usage example: The guy I was guarding just toppled over and started writhing around. I barely touched him, but he got the foul call and his team won the game. I totally got Ginobili'd.

Word history: This word, inspired by Reebok's You got Rondo'd viral video campaign, is destined to become the standard term for describing athletes who needlessly dive, flail, flop, tumble, and/or thrash about for a foul call (and extrapolates to refer to any person who overreacts to minimal physical contact for personal gain). Sure, there are plenty of players who behave this way, but Manu is by far our favorite. Manu, you may not have won the title this year, but you'll always be first our heart -- our cynical, sarcastic heart, that is.

And now...prepare to be Ginobili'd (thanks to the great Basketbawful for his acting performance that, in my opinion, rivals even the standard-bearing Manu himself):


Phonetastic extra: Ever wonder how to pronounce Araujo, Garbajosa, Jasikevicius, Tsakalidis, or Vinicius? Then go check out The International NBA Players Pronunciation Guide.

Labels: flop, flopping, Ginobili'd, Manu Ginobili, spoof, video

Manu Ginobili: In today's NBA Closer column, I called Manu "Shoeless Joe Ginobili" because it sure seemed like he was trying to throw the game: 10 points, 3-for-13 shooting and 4 turnovers. And at least three of those turnovers came during critical stages of the fourth quarter. Manu kept running into traps or jumping into the air with nowhere to go and then just throwing the ball up for grabs. During the postgame press conference, Ginobili said: "There's no excuse for how I played today." He's not wrong.

Tim Duncan: If you checked Timmy's line in the box score -- 30 points, 18 rebounds, 2 steals, 4 blocked shots -- and/or stopped watching the game with four or five minutes to go, you'd think he had a spectacular game. But Duncan was just as guilty of choking down the stretch as Manu was. Maybe it was fatigue, but the Lord of the Rings sure looked scared in those final, fateful minutes: Scared to attack Pau Gasol's defense, scared to take open jumpers, scared his team was going to give up their lead and lose the game.

Seriously, at one point Timmy passed up an open 15-footer to force the ball into Tony Parker underneath the hoop, only the Lakers came away with it and, naturally, scored off of it. This is the same guy who broke the Suns' will with a game-tying three-pointer in the first round? Really?

The San Antonio bench: Thanks for next-to-nothing, guys. Ime Udoka was the "best" Spur reserve, and he finished with 7 points (3-for-7), 1 rebound, 1 assist, 1 turnover and 4 fouls in 25 minutes. Michael Finley played 21 minutes and had zero points (0-for-5), 2 rebounds, 2 assists and a steal. Brent Barry (2 points, 1-for-3), Robert Horry (zero points, 1 block, 1 foul), Kurt Thomas (2 points and nothing else) were next to useless. And Jacque Vaughn -- who notched a five trillion -- was completely useless. But I guess that's what happens when most of the guys on your bench qualify for the senior citizen discount at McDonald's. (Thanks to Charles and Paul from France for alerting me to Jacque's five trillion.)

Update! The Spurs and Basketbawful: Did I mention San Antonio's ginormous collapse? I didn't?! Gak. Well, good thing Silly Bitch was around to do it. "I would hate for someone to come across this site not having watched the game and assume that this was just an average loss by the Spurs. You completely forgot to mention how they blew the 20 point lead they had halfway through the 3rd quarter. I know the Lakers are good but 20 points?? That's like letting a fat kid steal your cake when all you had to do was run!"

Derek Fisher: He shot 1-for-9 and finished with more fouls (5) than points (4). At times, he made even the Spurs look young and healthy. Which I guess is a pretty big accomplishment, but still.


Lamar Odom: Did he leave one of his bags behind in Utah? Because if so, his shot must be in it: 8 points on 3-for-12 shooting for Lamar.

Fun fact: Lamar was named after the gay nerd from Revenge of the Nerds. (Okay, I can't back that up. But he totally was.)

Pau Gasol: His transformation into one of the Geico cavemen is almost complete.

Luke Walton: Everybody who's suddenly all up in Mitch Kupchak's jock should remember two things: First, David Stern made the Grizzlies give up Pau Gasol so there would be a Lakers-Celtics Finals. I will always believe that. And second, he signed The Son of Walton to a six-year, $30 million contract extension last summer. I'm just sayin'. (Luke played 10 minutes last night, missing both of his shots and scoring zero points. He did have three rebounds, but man...those are expensive rebounds.)

Update! Kobe Bryant, quote machine: Basketbawful reader Jimmy shared a nice out of context quote from the Mamba. "I can get off at any time. In the second half, I did that." That's...quite the handy ability there, Mr. Bean. I don't suppose you could, you know, teach me that?

Charles Barkley: On Inside the NBA, Charles said that Reggie Miller was the best shooter he ever played with (the two played together on the 1996 U.S. Olympic Basketball Team). Mind you, Barkley also played with Larry Bird and Chris Mullin on the original Dream Team. So, you know, I guess this is just Chuck's week for vast and drastic overstatements.

Reggie Miller: So much for humility. Rather than correcting Chuck's outrageous ignorance, he responded with: "I always said that only Drazen Petrovic had a better shot than me." Wow.

Look, I'm as big a Reggie Miller fan as anybody, but, yeah, I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree all the way around. But, you know, Reggie has been going a little crazy these days.

Update! Reggie Miller, Part II: An anonymous commenter left the following golden nugget of awesome. "How about the latest Reggie-ism? Last night he said something like 'It's amazing how well the Spurs played in lieu of their flight delay...' That's twice I've heard that -- someone needs to tip him off."

Update! Yahoo: Rob from Upside And Motor noticed something amusing from our good buddies at the Y. "The Yahoo! Sports basketball NBA front page has the following headline: 'Bulls likely to draft Rose or Beasley." Groundbreaking stuff coming from the newsrooms of AP and Yahoo these days." I know what you mean. I was pretty shocked to read that the Bull were likely to use the number one pick on one of the two guys who are considered to be the consensus first and second picks in the draft. My world is freaking rocked. If they want to report some real news, they should mention how John Paxson is likely to screw this one up by once again passing up on a scoring big man for a speedy, shoot-happy guard. Because I personally would love to see a starting lineup of Kirk Hincrich, Chris Duhon, Ben Gordan, Larry Hughes and Derrick Rose.

Labels: bench play, Charles Barkley, Derek Fisher, Los Angeles Lakers, Manu Ginobili, NBA playoffs, Pau Gasol, Reggie Miller, San Antonio Spurs, Tim Duncan, Worst of the Night

Avery Johnson: The Little General has made many mistakes during his stewardship of the Mavericks. But his biggest mistake this season was pulling a "plug and play" after the team traded for Jason Kidd. Despite having one of the best passing point guards in the history of the league, not to mention one of the game's best transition players, Avery continued to run the same one-on-one, isolation-heavy offense he'd already been using. That's hardly the way to take advantage of a player like Kidd.

And while you all know I'm not a fan of advanced stats, Kidd's usage rate with Dallas (16.1) was easily a career-low (his career average is 21.0). Kidd is at his most valuable when the ball is in his hands, yet Avery's rather one-dimensional offense didn't put the ball there. Now, I realize it's not easy for a coach to change his team's offensive style on the fly, but I never got the feeling that Avery tried all that hard to do so. Nor am I confident that he can do so. His schemes look like a modified version of Nellie Ball with a little more discipline and (at times) a lot more defense. I'm not sure he knows any other way. I'm also not sure he should be given a chance to find out. It's time to move on.

Erick Dampier: The big lug played only seven minutes, recording 1 missed shot and 1 personal foul. Note that Ericka didn't grab a single rebound while he was on the floor. To put that into perspective, little Tyronn Lue played only 57 seconds, and even he grabbed a rebound. This seems as good a time as any to remind you all that Mark Cuban utilized the money he refused to pay Steve Nash to buy Dampier back in the summer of 2004. The chain reaction of that one event led the Mavericks to up on the young and up-and-coming Devin Harris and mortgage their future on the old and down-and-going Jason Kidd. Good call, Cubes.

Jerry Stackhouse: A few days after blasting Coach of the Year Byron Scott and saying he "was about ready to" beat up Scott during the second game of the series, Jerry blew his stack (get it?!) at the worst possible time. With 1:47 left and the Mavericks trying to claw their way back into the game, Stackhouse picked up his second technical foul for slapping the ball out of Chris Paul's hands well after play had been stopped. Yet another reason you can never totally believe in a team that's relying on Jerry Stackhouse for veteran leadership. Here's the video, courtesy of Odenized:


Josh Howard: He completed a disappointing series by scoring only 12 points on 6-for-14 shooting and tying Stackhouse with a team-high 3 turnovers. And like it or not, his poor performance will always be linked to his admission of marijuana use. But at least he'll be very relaxed about it during the offseason.

Hilton Armstrong: From Basketbawful reader Justin T. "Not only does he have the neck of a giraffe, but tonight, Hilton Armstrong achieved the always noteworthy three trillion. For those about to suck...Weeee saluuuuteeee yooouuuu!!" Does Hilton really have the neck of a giraffe? You be the judge.

Peja Stojakovic: Sacramento Era flashback!! Peja shot 2-for-12 in an elimination game. Somewhere Chris Webber is nodding his head and saying, "Yup, that's what I thought."

Samuel Dalembert: Dear merciful Zeus! Did Sam lose a bet or something? Why else would he knowingly make a damned fool of himself like this during the playoffs? Dalembert showed up for Game 5 in Detroit with a wide mohawk and the words "SD" cut into the side of his head. And those initials don't represent his name, either; they stand for "Strong Defense." Seriously. The Great Hair Adventure must have acted like a game-long stat curse, because Sam's man, Rasheed Wallace, scored 19 points on 8-for-12 shooting. Here's a new suggestion for the "SD": Silly Dumbass.


Willie Green: Not only did he shoot 3-for-10, it was his barber that carved the abomination on top of Dalembert's poor head. So if you live in Philadelphia and are about to get a haircut, make sure you aren't using Willie Green's barber before you let him trim a single hair.

The Philly defense: Apparently the Sixers watched an instruction video on defense by the Denver Nuggets prior to last night's game: Detroit shot a blistering 58 percent from the field. Too bad the Piston's hot shooting didn't burn the rest of the hair off of Dalembert's head.

Mike D'Antoni: This is from Basketbawful reader Andrei. "If anyone had any doubts about how incompetent Mike D'Antoni is, it should have evaporated tonight. I just caught one of those 'wired' segments and they showed D'Antoni kidding around with Tim Duncan in the first part of the segment. Would you ever see Popovich kidding around with the other team's star in an elimination game? This of course was followed by the capper: As Gordan Giricek runs into the game, D'Antoni tells him: 'Ugh...you guard Oberto, alright? Keep him off the boards.' Sounded like he was guessing and also asking Goran f***ing Giricek to rebound, good stuff. Also, sticking with Shaq as he clanks free throw after free throw was good too."

Remember early in the season when D'Antoni freaked the hell out over a few extra timeouts called by Phil Jackson? In retrospect, that's when Mikey Boy lost me. We all know about Phil Jackson and his stupid head games, but letting D'Antoni let Jax get to him in the late stages of a meaningless, early-season game. That's hardly the mark of a coach who can instill calm and confidence in his team.

He got mind-banged by Gregg Popovich all series long. Actually, Pop has checkemated him for the last four seasons. I really and truly appreciate what D'Antoni brought to the Suns -- fun, run, and winning -- but, as with Avery Johnson, it's well past time to try something new.

(Also, no offense to Grant Hill, but it's pretty obvious now that Boris Diaw would have been a much bigger asset throughout the season had he been the starter instead of the reserve. Yeah, it's 20/20 hindsight, but the coach probably should have noticed that. Plus, had Grant played fewer minutes, he might have been healthy for the playoffs. I'm just sayin'.)

Leandro Barbosa: The Brazilian Blur shot 1-for-7 last night. Which pretty much sums of his up-and-down season to a T.

Steve Nash: You know you're my boy, Steve, but you cost your team last night's game. The 4-for-16 shooting -- including 1-for-6 from three-point range -- I could have lived with. But the three turnovers in the final minutes? And let's face it: Those were bad passes in heavy traffic. And they broke the team's back at a critical time.

I have consciously avoided mentioning this all season, but I'm going to talk about it now. Nash took a step back this season. It was so tiny that, to a lot of people, it was almost imperceptible. But Captain Canada transformed from a superstar MVP-candidate to merely an All-Star-level player. Don't bother checking the numbers, because the evidence isn't there. John Hollinger won't be able to really explain it to you. Honestly, it's something you have to watch, to feel. Say what you will about Nash's two MVPs, but he earned them. He was dominant and he willed his team to a lot of big wins. But there was something different about him this season.

I tried to convince myself that Nash was taking a step back so that Amare could develop into a superstar. And later I told myself he was just trying to work Shaq into the mix. But what I knew in my heart is that Steve has begun that inexorable slide that all players must go through. It happened to Larry. It happened to Michael in Washington. It happened to Charles and Karl and Hakeem. The league is tough, real tough, and Bird said it best once when he observed that, "It's hard fighting your way to the top of the pile, but it's even harder to hold your ground."

For the first time since he arrived in Phoenix, Nash really couldn't hold his ground any more. He's getting passed by the younger point guards. He's aging. His body is breaking down. Slowly, maybe, but it's happening. And it's a bummer.

The Suns' freethrow shooting: They missed an unthinkable 17 freethrows in a 5-point loss. And, naturally, Shaq was responsible for 11 of those misses (although he did start hitting them in the fourth). So, yeah, okay, maybe the loss wasn't all Nash's fault.

Officiating: Don't get me wrong. The Suns definitely deserved to lose. But there were still two calls that really pissed me off. And of course they both happened in the final five minutes. First, Duncan tripped over his own leg and would have turned the ball over...had the nearest ref not called a tripping foul on Shaq. The Big Cactus had barely brushed Duncan's leg, and it happened a full step before Duncan tripped himself up. It was a bogus call, especially considering it was a hard-fought elimination game in which a lot of contact was being let go.

The second atrocious call came a minute or so later, when Tony Parker drove to the hoop and got "fouled" by Amare Stoudemire. They showed the slow-mo replay, and Stat clearly tried to jump away from the contact, but Parker intentionally dropped like a stone and of course got the call. Revolting. Again, I'm not blaming the Suns' loss on these calls...but that doesn't make me hate them any less.

Gregg Popovich: After all his Hack-a-Shaquery in the Suns-Spurs series, I really, really hope missed freethrows come back to bite his team in the ass at some point.

Manu Ginobili and Kurt Thomas: Awful shooting: Manu was 2-for-11 and Kurt was 3-for-11. Way to come through in a big game. (Although Thomas did pull down 12 boards.)

Robert Horry: This isn't for anything Ben Gay Bob did last night, it's for the fact that -- as Basketbawful reader Lipsome123 pointed out -- Horry's Wikipedia entry feataures a photo of him aping the Duncan face. I can hardly imagine a picture more fitting.

Utah Jazz: I'm not even going to single anybody out. Everybody was equally terrible. Clearly the Jazz were suffering from a bad case of Wecanwinitathomeitis. And they probably can. But that lack of mental toughness bodes ill for them should they make it to the next round. Because the Lakers aren't taking any prisoners right now.

David Stern and the NBA: Here's an e-mail from Basketbawful reader Stephanie G. "So yeah, last year Stoudemire and Diaw got suspended for leaving the bench during an altercation and they were suspended for a critical playoff game. It's a stupid rule because it's so strict and they didn't actually do anything and they just wanted to see what was happening. But a rule's a rule, so whatever. This year, Kevin Garnett shoves a ref who is trying to restrain him and Kendrick Perkins and Marvin Williams step onto the court during an altercation in game four and the NBA doesn't suspend anyone. THE NBA IS FAAAANtastic."

And a little more from Vinny Gorgeous. "Let's not let the day go by without throwing David Stern into WotN, shall we? Regarding the non-suspensions of Perkins and Williams for Game 5: The best part of all this is that when the Suns suspensions went down last year, the media (not just the Phoenix media, either) was all over Stern asking why he couldn't show a little leniency. And his response was basically, 'The rules are the rules and there's absolutely no gray area or room for interpretation whatsoever here. Even though I'm the commissioner and thus responsible for making the rules in the first place my hands are tied.' This man is horrid. I'm a Spurs fan. I wish we could've shown we were the better team last year like we did this year, without help from the refs. But it doesn't change the fact that Stern is a flip-flopper of the highest magnitude and is capable of changing rules on a whim. I'm not saying that the walking on the court rule should be enforced, but if you're going to do it in one instance and make such a huge deal about it, you damn well better apply it to other teams as well."

Update! Yahoo caption writers: Here's some captiony fun from anne. "Hey Bawful, I was looking at the photos from the Suns/Spurs game, and noticed the caption on one of them: 'Tim Duncan #21 of the San Antonio Spurs congratulates Steve Nash #13 the Phoenix Suns after Game Five of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2008 NBA Playoffs as Tony parker #9 looks on at the AT&T Center on April 29, 2008 in San Antonio, Texas.' So, just what is Timmah congratulating him for? For the five turnovers? For being incredibly good looking? (Ok that is just me doing that.)"

Labels: Avery Johnson, Dallas Mavericks, David Stern, Manu Ginobili, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Night

Duncan face (dunk'-uhn fas) noun. A look of incredulous, googly-eyed mock surprise that is directed at a referee by a player any (and every) time a call does not go that player's way. Note that the Duncan face can be enhanced by raising the hands in an "I didn't do it!" gesture and should be followed up with a steely-eyed glare.

Usage example: On to my frustration: The Spurs are huge babies. This applies to Popovich, Duncan, and seemingly every other player on the court. Duncan has his Duncan Face everytime he doesn't get a call. [By "Isaac," via TrueHoop.]

Word history: It's impossible to pinpoint exactly when this term was invented, but it's been popular for at least the last three or four seasons, during which time the Duncan face has become a parody of itself. I mean, how can the officials possibly take Duncan -- or any player who utilizes the Duncan face -- seriously anymore? If I was an NBA referee, I would make one call or non-call against a player for each time he used the Duncan face. (This could quite possibly be the reason I am not currently employed as a referee.)

Great Duncan faces throughout history: In addition to the standard or "classic" Duncan face shown above, there are several other Duncan faces that can be used when the situation warrants it:

1. The "Dear God, it hurts!" face. Because that foul could have killed me, man!


2. The "Holy crap ref, you cannot be serious!" face. Because, damn it, you totally would have made the right call if you'd seen what I saw.


3. The "I saw that shit was wrong from the bench!" face. Because I saw that shit all the way from over here.


4. The "I'm gonna make a sarcastic face!" face. Because you, Mr. Referee, are an idiot.


5. The "But I'm Tim Duncan's teammate!" face. Because I really am Tim Duncan's teammate! (Starring Manu Ginobili as himself.)


6. The "Get yer filthy hands off me!" face. Because seriously, ET TU, MANU?! [From Basketbawful reader Phenominal Cosmic Power.]


7. The "Why is my life so damned hard?" sad face. Because you all know I didn't do it, so why do you have to make me cry? [From Black Jesus Disciples.]


8. The "Cheaters really do prosper" goofy grin face. Because it feels sooooo good to cheat and win. [From an anonymous Spurs fan.]


Contribute to the cause! If you know of a Duncan face that I forgot and have photographic evidence to prove it, forward the info to me and I'll use it to update this post...with credit to you, of course.

Labels: bad calls, googly eyes, Manu Ginobili, referees, San Antonio Spurs, Tim Duncan, whining, Word of the Day

Here's another heaping helping of steamy man love from m. Alana of Billie Basquetbaäl.


Rorschach test: Spend at least five mintues staring intently at the above image and then tell me whether you would describe it as:

1. A triple-decker manwich.

2. An Oreo cookie (milk forthcoming).

3. The climactic battle scene from the "independent film" Buttman and Throbbin'.

4. A common dance move you would expect to see at a bar called The Velvet Anvil.

5. An aggressive NBA double-team.

Now think about your answer and consider what it means about you and your sexuality. Then go call your mom. She misses you.

Labels: fan submissions, man love, Manu Ginobili, Rasheed Wallace, Rip Hamilton

Another super-deluxe man love special from m. Alana of Billie Basquetbaäl. Praise her name.

Labels: Brent Barry, man love, Manu Ginobili, San Antonio Spurs, Tony Parker

Is the prestige and adulation of the NBA All-Star Game just not your thing? Would you rather spend your time looking into new hair-care products or making poorly timed trade demands? No need to conjure up a mysterious hip ailment or get caught urinating in a Wendy's dumpster, here are a few proven, sure-fire ways to get completely ignored every January. Rest up, your team has three busy months of losing to worry about.

You are The Man...The 6th Man. As long as Gregg Popovich is alive, Manu Ginobili will never go to the All-Star Game again. Popovich always insists on keeping Manu's minutes down, presumably to keep him fresh (i.e. he gets so amped at times he may spontaneously combust), but to the casual fan this means a lack of talent. But if someone hid the Mentholatum vapor rub, rendering Michael Finley, Brent Barry and Bruce Bowen unable to move, you'd see that Ginobili is quietly having an insanely good year. Sit down for this: 4th among shooting guards in assists (per 48 mins), 3rd in points and 2nd in steals, while shooting 40% on threes and an NBA Jam-like 74% in the clutch! Kobe Bryant, you can't do that.

But practical-minded coaches can be the downfall of many a great player. What if Phil Jackson decided to keep Michael Jordan "fresh" during the 90's? Pigeons would be pooping on a Scottie Pippen statue in front of the United Center. I trust that Ginobili will be tossing back some brews with guys like Ricky Pierce, Detlef Schrempf and Toni Kukoc, and having a good laugh. Because exhibition games are for suckers.

Your Teammates Suck. Al Jefferson is having the break-out year many people expected, but there was no doubt whatsoever that Al would be completely ignored. Great players on crappy teams are largely overlooked because people are fully aware of the "Ugly Friend" effect: you might look awesome only because your teammates are terrible.

Believe it or not, Zach Randolph was a completely respectable player as recently as last year. But a 24 point, 10 rebound campaign was nowhere near enough to hide the fact that the Blazers were working on 50 losses (and Zach had outstanding warrants). And Shareef Abdur-Rahim goes without saying (a steady 20 point, 9 rebound, 50 loss guy in Vancouver for 5 seasons).

The "Ugly Friend" effect was so effective back in 2001, it even fooled Bulls GM Jerry Krause, causing Elton Brand to be traded for pennies on the dollar. Those pennies being Tyson Chandler, then PJ Brown. And yes, I'm still bitter.

You have no endorsements and magazines ignore you. Make no mistake, the All-Star Game can be a shameless popularity contest, and if you don't market yourself, the NBA won't market you. The tide turned when BJ Armstrong started alongside Kenny Anderson back in 1994. Now, at this point in time, is Jason Kidd, with his advanced age and sub-37% shooting, a better option than Michael Redd?

Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony were voted as starters this year, but the last two league MVPs had to be named as reserves. Think about that.

Labels: All-Star Game, conspiracy theories, Manu Ginobili, NBA marketing

Jamaal Tinsley: The Pacers were without their starting point guard for what seems like the bajillionth time over the last few years. In this instance, the problem was a sore knee. Which, strangely enough, is what's been keeping Jermaine O'Neal in street clothes. That's how not durable Tinsley and O'Neal have become; they can actually catch injuries from each other like they're passing a bad head cold back and forth. I think it's about time to change this guy's name from Tinsley to Paper Machesly.

Marquis Daniels: In the absence of Tinsley, the Pacers really needed Daniels to step up his game. What they got instead was a Larry Hughes-like 1-for7 shooting performance. But what can the Pacers reasonably expect out of this guy? I mean, they got him in a trade for Austin Croshere. That should tell you all you need to know about Daniels' relative worth.

Awvee Storey: The undrafted guard out of Arizona state got off the Bucks' bench for a grand total of four seconds, going zero-for-everything. What, did Larry Krystkowiak put him in by mistake or something?

Miami Heat: From "15 strong" to "15 in a row." Losses, that is. Painful, humiliating losses. The Heat actually played their asses off last night -- Mark Blount scored 23 points! -- but suffered yet another fourth quarter collapse, letting what had been a 10-point lead transmogrify into a 1-point final deficit. The Spurs, as they're known to do, started turning the screws in the final stanza, limiting Miami to 8 points over the final eight minutes and 50 seconds. Are the Heat just plain cursed? Well, let's put it this way: Early in the first half, Udonis Haslem and Dorell Wright accidentally knocked a defensive rebound into the basket, thereby scoring two points for the Spurs. And the Heat lost by one. You do the math. Said Haslem: "Once again, we just didn't get the job done." And once again, you sucked.

Manu Ginobili's three-point shooting: Somebody needs to check Ginobili's basement for dead bodies, because the man has no conscience. One night after shooting 2-for-7 from the land of glory, Manu hit only 1-for-7 from beyond the arc against the Heat. At some point, when you're obviously cold, you stop taking them, right? When asked why he's allowed to chuck 'em at will, Gregg Popovich no doubt said: "Because he's Manu Ginobili." Speaking of Pop...

Gregg Popovich interviews: Before the start of the second quarter, Craig Sager -- who was dressed like the friggin' Joker -- interviewed Popovich. After abusing Sager's bizarre purple sports coat/tie combination, Popovich answered a question about why he decided to start a "big" lineup with a classic Popovichism: "Just wanted to try something different." I'm telling you, his face doesn't even move when he answers these questions. His mouth just opens and closes like an old Speed Racer cartoon. Can we be absolutely certain that the Spurs don't have a special robot they use solely for interviews? Like maybe a Teddy Ruxpin doll in a Gregg Popovich mask?

Don Nelson: The inventor of the infamous Hack-a-Shaq strategy unveiled a new policy especially for last night's game against New Jersey: Hack-a-Boone. The Warriors intentionally fouled the Nets' Josh Boone six times in less than two minutes of the third quarter in an attempt to change the game's momentum. But Boone, who came into the game shooting 34 percent at the stripe, hit six of 12 freethrows. So the tactic backfired, sort of.

Josh Boone: Did I mention the kid came into the game hitting only 34 percent of this freethrows? Look, the Hack-a-Whoever strategy might be sad and pathetic, but it wouldn't happen if the "Whoever" didn't suck at the line. The dude even airballed a freethrow last night. Gak. Kudos to Boone, though, for making the best of a bad situation: He scored a season-high 21 points and grabbed a career-high 17 rebounds. And he even his almost 50 percent of his freethrows (7-of-15).

Golden State Warriors defense: Going into last night's game, the Nets were next to last in the league in points per game. After playing the Warriors, they "jumped" to fourth from last (94.0). The 119 points scored by New Jersey was, of course, the most they've scored in a single game all season. I have absolutely nothing to back this up with, but I bet that the Warriors lead the league in giving up season highs in PPG to opposing teams. And since they're only 13-18 when their opponents score 100 points or more, that most definitely is not a good thing. (P.S. They're giving up 107.4 PPG, worst in the league. Uh oh.)

New Jersey Nets defense: It's not just that they gave up 121 points on 50 percent shooting. That tends to happen when you're playing the Warriors. But they also got brutalized by a 22-to-nothing run in a stretch of less than four minutes in the fourth quarter. To put that into perspective, if the Warriors had scored at that pace the whole game, they would have scored over 260 points.

New Jersey Nets offense: Yeah, I know they scored 119 points, which is like double their regular season average. But playing offense against Golden State is like shooting in an empty gym using a five-foot Nerf hoop. Yet the Nets got reamed by that 22-0 run I mentioned, and they went five and a half minutes without a field goal in the fourth quarter.

Golden State Warriors defense: Yes, they get two entries in today's Worst of the Night. After all, they blew a 13-point fourth quarter lead by letting the scoringly challenged Nets drop an 18-4 run on them and take a 112-111 with a couple minutes left. Dudes, it's called a hand in the face. You just raise your arm straight up in the air and put your hand somewhere in the shooter's field of vision. It's that simple.

Jason Kidd: Yes, he can run a mean offense. But he has almost none of his own. Last night, he shot 2-for-11, which is barely below averge for him. He's shooting 36 percent from the field this season, which ranks him 45th in the NBA amoung point guards...45th! And look, can we just stop calling him one of the best point guards in the NBA (like Magic Johnson did on the TNT pregame show last night)? Sure, he racks up a lot of assists, and he's a triple double machine, but the Nets are one of the worst scoring teams in the league despite the presence of Kidd, Vince Carter, and Richard Jefferson. I'm not saying it's all Kidd's fault, but right now at least, his ability to lead his team is very much in question.

Vince Carter: Speaking of not everything being J-Kidd's fault, did anybody else notice that Half Man, Half-A-Lazy got shuffled in and out of the lineup in the final minutes? Isn't he supposed to be their go-to scorer?

Darrell Armstrong: The decomposing wiley veteran got a whopping 10 seconds of playing time, and actually managed to dish an assist. At that rate, he was on pace to dish out 6 assists per minute, which is like 288 assists over the full 48. Impressive.

Marco Belinelli: His stat line from last night: 1 minute, 4 personal fouls, and a +/- score of -3.

Fire hazards: The Warriors set another attendance record with 19,596 fans in Oracle Arena. Jesus. What are they doing, just stacking fans on top of each other?

Labels: Don Nelson, Golden State Warriors, Gregg Popovich, Indiana Pacers, Jason Kidd, Manu Ginobili, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets, Vince Carter, Worst of the Night

You can tell Tim Duncan was really fired up for this commercial. And Manu? Well, all I can say is that if you were wondering what to get him for his next birthday, I'd go with balloons.


The Gunn people knew following up that commercial was going to be hard. I mean, what could be better and funnier than Manu Ginobili? Why, two Manu Ginobilis of course! This is the same theory that says that if one Leprechaun movie was good, six Leprechaun movies would be Princess Leia in the gold bikini good!


Oh, and apparently, Manu likes brisket too. Enough to bring a little beef to the team huddle. And no, that wasn't a double entendre.


Also, did you know that Manu has a creepy puppet? Well, he does.


Lastly, how about a little mouth harp from Manu? Now that Heath Ledger has tragically passed away, I think we've found his replacement for Brokeback Mountain II.

Labels: commercials, Manu Ginobili, San Antonio Spurs, Tim Duncan

Miami Heat: How best to sum up Miami's latest loss (which dropped them 10 games below .500)? Well, for starters, Chris Quinn (??) was their leading scorer with a career-high 22 points. Shaq was limited to 26 minutes due first to foul trouble and then to plain old ineffectiveness as the Heat played better using a small lineup (i.e., without him). The newly crowned MDE (Most Decrepit Ever) finished with 7 points, 6 rebounds, 1 assist, and three turnovers. Dwyane Wade continues to prove that he isn't back to 100 percent after returning from shoulder and knee injuries. And worse, he's trying too hard to do too much, as evidenced by his season-high 8 turnovers. It's the ninth time in the 15 games he's played this season that Wade has had at least 5 turnovers. And let's not overlook Jason Williams, who contributed zero points (0-3), 1 rebound, and 2 assists in 14 Eric Snow-like minutes. Have we mentioned the Heat's embarrassing lack of depth? Daequan Cook came off the bench to play 10 mintues and all he could manage was zero points (0-1) and 2 personal fouls. Seriously, it's getting to the point where reading through a Miami Heat box score is like perusing the obituaries. Actually, I have more fun reading obituaries, but maybe that's just me. Speaking of grave, the Heat are now 2-7 at home, the second worst road record (to the Timberwolves) in the league. Have we mentioned these guys are just a couple seasons removed from an NBA championship?

Fun fact: Wade's career-high in turnovers is 12. It happened on February 1, 2007, in a 92-89 win over the Cavaliers. Of course, at least he scored 41 points (thanks in part to his 25 FTAs) and led the Heat to a victory in that game.

Dominic McGuire: As bad as the Heat were -- and they were very, very bad -- I still noticed that Washington's rookie guard notched a one trillion last night. Congratulations, Dominic! But I suppose we shouldn't expect that much from a second-round draft pick with a career-high of 2 points. And hey, he scored as many points as Jason Williams and Daequan Cook, and those guys actually got some PT.

Shaq: Okay, I can't let this go. I've brought this up several times over the last couple years, but the Big Washed Up once promised us that he would retire if he was ever "only as good as David Robinson." Well, I'd absolutely and without question take the end-of-his-career David Robinson over today's Shaq. At least The Admiral was still a sturdy rebounder and (more importantly) a defensive presence. And he could stay on the floor more than 20 minutes a game. Moreover, Robinson was able to understand that his skills were declining and accepted a lesser role for the betterment of his team. Shaq, on the other hand, thinks the Heat's problems would be solved if he was getting 20 shots a game. Yet when you watch the Heat consistently make runs with a smaller, faster, more defensively-oriented lineup, it becomes clear that's just not true. In fact, the question doesn't even seem to be whether Shaq should be getting more shots, but whether he should be starting or backing up Alonzo Mourning. The Diesel has officially entered into the "Washington Wizards Michael Jordan" phase of his career; he's no longer even close to what he once was, but he can't accept it, and yet for some strange reason nobody feels completely comfortable in writing him or his team off. Speaking of which...

Fun fact: Tomorrow is the five-year anniversary of the night Michael Jordan matched his career-low with 2 points (1-9) in Washington's 95-82 win over a terrible, Vince Carter-less Raptors team.

Tony Parker: Sprained ankle? Sprained ankle?! Yeah, I kinda don't think so.

Los Angeles Lakers: Their game log for this season will forever show a win against the world champs, which will look impressive to the untrained eye. But what I saw last night was a Lakers squad that struggled mightily at home to finish off a Spurs team that was missing its two best players (Tim Duncan and Tony Parker) and suffering through an off night for its third best player: Manu Ginobili shot 5-17, including 1-7 from three-point range, and committed a season-high 7 turnovers. Of course, that was in part because the officials let the Lakers grab his arms and push him around. But whatever. The fact is, LA almost let Bruce Bowen's offense -- yes, his offense -- beat them. Suffice to say, I'm not impressed. I predict a classic revenge game for the Warriors when the Lakers travel to Golden State tonight.

Andrew Bynum: Bynum earned himself double technicals and an ejection for popping Fabricio Oberto in the face with an elbow. And it didn't happen in the heat of action; it happened during a dead ball situation while Oberto was making his way downcourt. What made the situation even more pathetic was how Bynum raised his hands after the fact to make it look like he didn't actually intend to hit Oberto, then actually complained about getting teched up (which earned him a second technical). And of course Kobe had to stick his nose into it, running downcourt to argue with the the ref. And of course Phil Jackson, ever the smug one, commented to the sideline reporter between the third and fourth quarters that the officials had evened things out between the two teams (since Duncan and Parker were out) by kicking Bynum out of the game. See, these are perfect examples of why it's so easy to hate the Lakers.

Matt Bonner: He followed up a 25-point, 17-rebound game with zero points (0-2) and 3 rebounds in 15 minutes against the Lakers. I guess he's back to being a poor man's Brian Scalabrine.

Ruban Patterson: The man once known as "The Kobe Stopper" (by himself at least) was waived yesterday. By the Clippers (8-13). Patterson, who was coming off a "career year" (14.7 PPG and 5.4 RPG), was the Clippers' big free agent acquisition last summer, and the Clips were freaking excited about it. Vice President of Basketball Operations Elgin Balyor said: "We are thrilled to add Ruben to our team. Ruben plays hard every single night. He is an aggressive defensive player and has a real enthusiasm for the game. He gives 100 percent every game." The gushing continued when head coach Mike Dunleavy said: "I am really excited by our signing of Ruben Patterson. He is a great competitor. I have always admired the intensity he brings from game to game. His versatility will help improve our team." Apparently, all of that changed in the brief span of 21 games. So...what? Patterson wasn't giving 100 percent every game? He doesn't play aggressive defense anymore? He's no longer intense and enthusiastic? How about this: He was statistically unproductive in the 16 minutes per night that Dunleavy felt safe giving him. The fact is, Patterson is the prototypical Intangible Man. If the Clippers had a healthy Elton Brand and Shaun Livingston, a quality role player like Patterson would be a perfect fit. But right now the Clippers are searching for answers...and a guy who can contribute in the kind of ways you can actually see on a stat sheet.

Labels: Andrew Bynum, Bruce Bowen, Los Angeles Lakers, Manu Ginobili, Miami Heat, Ruben Patterson, San Antonio Spurs, Shaq, TNT, Tony Parker, Worst of the Night

shug (shug) noun. A simple gesture of good will that begins as a handshake and seamlessly transitions into a hug-like, semi-embrace. This act should last no more than one to three seconds, and it is often accompanied by a firm slap on the back and whispered words of affection, encouragement, or challenge. Also referred to as a "man hug," this gesture is used both as a pre-game greeting and as a sign of post-game celebration (with a teammate) or courtesy (for an opponent).

Usage example: Today's NBA players always shug before the opening tip.

Word Trivia: I could write an expansive list that outlines the do's and don'ts of shugging another man, but what's the point? Let your schlong be your guide, my friends. If your Buster McThunderstick remains as cold and unmoving as an ancient Egyptian obelisk, then all is well. If, however, your purple-headed meat scepter begins to shrivel and squirm around like a kitten dropped into a bucket of acid, then something has gone terribly wrong and the shug should be aborted immediately (if not sooner). In case you're a eunuch, here are a few simple examples that may assist you in future shugging endeavors.

Wrong: The following shug starts out with far too much intimacy. Gazing longingly into another dude's eyes is more like the prelude to sweaty, man-on-man action than a stouthearted sign of virile camaraderie.

"I'll never forget those sunny Dallasdays...or those hot Dallas nights."
Right: You can see that Manu Ginobili is about to slap Tony Parker on the back -- always a plus -- and that his eyes are rolled up in a disdainful look of "I do not enjoy touching other men in this way, but sportsmanship demands it." This is a textbook shug.

"I am doing this only because I must."
Wrong: Here Kevin Willis commits the cardinal sin of shugging: Going too far too fast into a double-armed bunny hug complete with his head dipping down onto Tim Duncan's shoulder. You can tell Tim is trying to disassociate himself from this womanly act, as well he should.

"Uh, you need to get off me man..."
Right: Michael Jordan wasn't just one of the greatest basketball players in NBA history, he was also one of the best shuggers of all time. Notice that his hands never open during the shug; they remain resolute fists of fury that can, if needed, be used to bludgeon his fellow shuggee into a shapeless, pulpy mass. Note also that he's sharing a few words with Reggie Miller, probably something along the lines of "I hope you're ready for a serious ass-kicking."

"You know I have to kick your ass now, right?"
Wrong...and right: This is a full-bodied, head-gripping embrace between Kobe Bryant and former teammate Robert Horry wacko-madman Stephen Jackson. This is about as wrong as a shug can possibly get, short of the two men actually grinding their genitals together. However, astute observers will notice that Kobe is clearly wracked with anguish and (!!) crying. And there's everything right about that.

"It's so cold. Please hold me."

Labels: Dirk Nowitzki, Kevin Willis, Kobe Bryant, manliness, Manu Ginobili, Michael Jordan, Reggie Miller, Robert Horry, Steve Nash, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Word of the Day

Admit it: Aren't you a little tired ofseeing this crap game after game?

This has been going on for years: a star player charges headlong toward the basket and then either flails his arms or drops to the floor like a lead brick. Tweet! Foul. The San Antonio Spurs -- specifically Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, and especially Manu Ginobili -- have become the undisputed ninja masters of this tactic, and they used it last night to con the referees into an endless litany of freethrows en route to a 41-20 advantage from the line and a 91-79 victory.

By games end, the Spurs had more freethrows (30) than field goals (28), which was a staple of basketball in the 1940s but is generally looked down upon these days. Jerry Sloan and Derek Fisher became so riled up after a late-game Ginobili flop that they got themselves ejected, which led to even more Spurs freethrows and effectively ended the game. The Energy Solutions Arena crowd, which usually doesn't do anything more controversial than boo really loudly, threw lip balm at the retreating Spurs after the game.

It's just another example of lousy NBA officiating. I have two requests for David Stern:

1. Please, for the sake of all that's holy, do something about flopping. It's a throbbing hemorrhoid on the tender butt cheeks of professional basketball. Every player hates flopping, yet every player does it...even Shaq, the loudest anti-flop complainer of them all. And the fans hate it too. It's not fun to watch. There isn't a single redeeming quality to the flop. It's a cheap and cowardly play. The players obviously aren't going to police themselves on this, because it provides an obvious competitive advantage. The league has to step in because it's getting worse by the year.

2. Adopt a "challenge" policy similar to the NFL. Allow NBA coaches to challege two (or more?) calls a game. Make the referees review some of their crummy decisions on the spot. If it is indeed a bad call, it should be overturned; maybe that would embarrass the officials into making the right call next time. If it was the right call, then the challenging team should lose a timeout, or maybe the opposing team should be awarded a technical freethrow. Whatever. But at least it would provide some measure of justice and relief against the obvious and egregious bad officiating.

Is this post a bunch of sour grapes? Maybe. But that doesn't mean that flopping and flailing isn't ridiculous. Imagine if guys started flopping in your pickup league. How well do you suppose that would go over? Take a look at this hilarious YouTube clip and then you be the judge:

Labels: Derek Fisher, flopping, Jerry Sloan, Manu Ginobili, NBA playoffs, officiating, San Antonio Spurs, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Utah Jazz