They're already arguing...over who gets to leave the team first.
Hey, everybody. I still look and feel like somebody whacked me in the left eye with a life-sized Kobe Bryant bobblehead doll...but I am getting better. So, in between working on the Livin' Large epilogue, I decided to get my feet wet by reporting a little recent 'bawful. At first I didn't know what to write about, but then I waited five minutes and the material pretty much wrote itself.

Stephen Jackson: With the untimely (but not all that surprising) death of Michael Jackson, Golden State's very own Stephen Jackson has become the world's reigning "Wacko Jacko." And here's his latest misadventure: Jackson recently demanded a trade to "Cleveland, New York or one of the Texas teams." Naturally, this demand was made not to Warriors management or coaches, but at South Street Seaport in New York during a block party put on by their sneaker company Protege. Mind you, Jackson signed a three-year extension worth $28 million last November.

The NBA fined Captain Jack $25,000 for "public statements detrimental to the NBA." (Imagine what David Stern would have fined him if he'd blasted management and teammates en route to his trade demand and all that had been caught on camera phone by a couple schlubs in a parking lot. I bet the league would have really cracked down...on that...oh nevermind.) The Warriors, on the other hand, tried to sweep the situation under the rug.

Then came media day and the chance for a fresh start...that ended up being as fresh as flatulence on an elevator. Said Jackson: "What I said is how I feel. Point blank. And that's not going to change." But wait, there's more: "I'm made for the playoffs and championships. That's what I play for. I'm Big Shot Jack." Forget the fact that somebody needs to hit "reset" on his reality button...wasn't New York one of his trade destinations? Didn't the Knicks finish 32-50 last season? And when was the last time they even made the playoffs anyway? As always, I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

Monta Ellis: Don't make the mistake of assuming that Jackson was the Warriors' biggest distraction at media day. He most certainly was not. That honor went to Monta Ellis, the team's franchise player. Ellis -- the same dude who torpedoed Golden State's 2008-09 season when he tore a ligament in his left ankle and sustained a high-ankle sprain in a "low-speed" mo-ped accident shortly after inking a six-year, $66 million contract extension -- went on record saying that he didn't think he could play alongside newly drafted point guard Stephen Curry. Here's how that conversation went:

Question: "Do you envision yourself playing together in the backcourt?"

Ellis: "I can't. I can't answer that. Us together? No."

Q: "Why not?

Ellis: "Huh?"

Q: "Why not?"

Ellis: "Can't."

Q: Why?

Ellis: "Just can't."

Q: "Too small? Too similar?"

Ellis: "Just can't."

Q: (Do) you understand they say you can?

Ellis: "They say we can, but we can't."

Q: You wouldn't want to give it a shot?

Ellis: "I just want to win. That's not going to win that way. You can't put two small guys out there and try to play (point guard) and (shooting guard) when you've got big (shooting) guards in the league. You just can't do it. OK, yes, we're going to move up and down fast, but eventually the game is going to slow down. You can't do it."

Good thing the Warriors only have five more years left on that contract extension...

Richard Hamilton and Tayshaun Prince: The Pistons may have torched the 2008-09 season by trading Chauncey Billups for Allen Iverson, then lost Rasheed Wallace to the Boston Celtics, then spent spent over $90 million on Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva, and then brought back a five levels past washed-up Ben Wallace...but don't tell Rip and Tayshaun that the team is rebuilding.

Said Hamilton: "I don't look at it as rebuilding. We want to win and we want to win now. I don't think Ben (Wallace) came back here for a rebuilding time. He feels we have an opportunity to do something special. We have a great group of guys but we have to learn."

Added Prince: "People think it is a rebuilding year, but this is an opportunity to show last year wasn't the real Detroit Pistons. It's been a great organization since I've been here and what you saw last year was unacceptable from all aspects."

Still no word on whether or not those quotes were delivered with a straight face.

Jermaine O'Neal: Yes! The man that we have dubbed "The Drain" has announced that the injury problems that have made him a mockery for the past few seasons are finally history. Said O'Neal: "I'm 100 percent (healthy). The knee isn't giving me any problems. If I had any summer to get back, this was my summer."

So how'd he do it? Here's how:

O'Neal underwent two rigorous off-season workout programs -- a seven-week session with the Heat's trainers followed by an eight-week session with noted fitness guru Tim Grover, the Chicago-based expert who helped Heat guard Dwyane Wade regain his health last summer.

"What he's done this summer," coach Erik Spoelstra said, "is akin to what Dwyane did last year."

Wow. Impressive that, after all these years, Jermaine would get super-serious about his physical conditioning. I wonder...what could have changed? Oh, by the way, did I mention that this is a contract year for The Drain? Dismissed as coincidence...

Labels: Detroit Pistons, Golden State Warriors, Jermaine O'Neal, Miami Heat, Monta Ellis, Rip Hamilton, Stephen Jackson, Tayshaun Prince

Chauncey Billups: He turned in an Eric-Snow-in-his-prime game: 9 points (3-for-6), 2 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 turnovers, 2 steals and a foul in 31 minutes. Moreover, he was clearly outplayed by the previously slumping Rajon Rondo (11 points, 5-for-9, 7 assists, 5 steals). I don't know whether it was the layoff, the Boston defense, or his injured hamstring -- or maybe a combination of all three? -- but Billups didn't show the kind of aggressiveness I would have expected. I thought he'd attack the basket and put a little more pressure on Rondo. Next game, maybe?

Rasheed Wallace: First off, 'Sheed had his struggles on the offensive end: 11 points on 3-for-12 shooting, including 0-for-3 from downtown. The only time it seems to be okay to have more shots than points is if you're Allen Iverson, and Rasheed is no Allen Iverson. But in all honesty, 'Sheed's offense -- in this series at least -- is far less important than his defense. Which, as it happens, was similarly pooptastic: KG lit him up for a game-high 26 points on 11-for-17 shooting while also grabbing 9 rebounds and handing out 4 dimes.

But before you start blaming rust, know ye now that Rasheed was likewise owned by The Big Ticket during the regular season. As I pointed out in the preview I wrote for Deadspin, KG played as well or better against the Pistons and 'Sheed's D than he did against any other team, to the tune of 24 PPG, 54 percent shooting, and 7.7 RPG. For some reason, this makes no sense to me whatsoever. I would figure that, if anybody could do it, that Rasheed would put the clamps on KG.

Rip Hamilton: I love retelling the story of how Rip once said: "I know before I get the ball if the shot is going in or not." Why do basketball players make ridiculous statements like that? It would be like some idiot saying that this year's Lakers team is the best squad Kobe Bryant's ever been on. Oh, wait. Anyway, either Rip was slightly overstating things or somebody removed his Nostradamus gene (and maybe his kidney!) in his sleep last night, because The Phantom of Auburn Hills missed eight of his 13 shot attempts.

Theo Ratliff: Remember when he was all talking trash to Rashard Lewis and the Magic? That was his high point of the postseason. Since then, it's all been downhill like an out-of-control yellow snowball. Last night's Herculean performance was more like The Three Stooges Meet Hercules, or maybe Hercules In New York: 2 fouls and zero-for-everything-else in just under four minutes. On the bright side, he had a better +/- score (+4) than any of the Detroit starters. By far.

The Zoo Crew: Ah, the Pistons bench is so deep...it's unfathomable! Ha, ha! I vill be here all ze week. But seriously, the Zoo Crew -- Amir Johnson, Arron Afflalo, Jarvis Hayes, Jason Maxiell, and Rodney Stuckey -- played more like the Get Along Gang last night. They combined for 11 points, 7 rebounds, 2 assists, and 3 DNP-CDs. And even that's deceiving, since 9 of the points came from Stuckey, and both assists came from Mad Maxiell. (How did Stuckey, the backup point guard, finish with zero assists?) The other dudes spent the game shining the pine and passing out Gatorade. Which, don't get me wrong, is totally important. Gotta keep those starters hydrated.

Update! The Etroit defense: I'm an idiot sometimes. I wrote about this in today's NBA Closer column and then totally forgot about it for WotN. But, as always, Wild Yams was here to remind me: "I honestly did not see that coming last night. Take out the huge FT advantage for the Pistons in the first half and they basically got routed. They pointed this out after the game, but the Pistons' vaunted defense surrendered 52.2% shooting to the Celtics, and the C's outscored Detroit 44-22 in the paint. If the Pistons can't D up any better than that, they're gonna lose this series for sure. I was gonna say they'd get swept if they continued to D up like that, but then I remembered what Boston's looked like on the road in these playoffs." It's all true. And somewhat mystifying. Rust can affect jump shots, but it shouldn't affect defense, which is mostly a product of effort and concentration.

Flip Saunders, quote machine: The Flipster did some verbal gymnastics while trying to explain why his team looked so out of synch last night. "It wasn't a matter of rust as we had too many mental mistakes. We weren't in the right situations on some offensive sets. We weren't in the right situations on some defensive rotations. When you do that, it messes up the whole team and the whole team looks a step slow." Now, I forget...who's supposed to get the Pistons in the right situations on offense and defense?

Ray Allen: Can we even call what Ray-Ray's going through a "slump" anymore? His jump shot is more cadaverous than Hugh Hefner. I think it's safe to announce the time of death and arrange the funeral. I wonder of Paul Bearer is available to give the eulogy...


Update! Here's some extra observation from Stephanie G: "Surreal moment of Game 1: Ray Allen passing to Rajon Rondo for the wide open three. I'm pretty sure most people had this play reversed when it came to imagining how the playoffs would go a couple months ago. But isn't it beautiful to watch the Boston crowd cringe every time Ray Allen looks like he may be attempting an actual jump shot? And each time the release looks so smooth, so graceful...and when it doesn't even hit the rim the crowd's nervous energy is palpable and I'm just watching it on TV. I think Ray-Ray is starting to get mind fucked by his own fans. I sensed it during the Cavs series and it has to be a mental block by this point. Lean, pure shooters like this are supposed to last forever, right? Allen has to be getting the worst stage fright imaginable everytime he gets a wide open look. Poor guy."

Tony Allen: Hmm, only 25 seconds of PT? Swing your arms from side to side, come on, it's time to go...do the mario! [/Super Mario Bros. Super Show]

Sam Cassell: DNP-CD. E.T. spent seven months trying to get bought out by the Clippers for this?! He and Mighty Mouse need to form a championship piggyback support group.

Bill Belichick, dirty perv: Wow. How many things are wrong with the following picture? The fact that Bill showed up to the Celtics game with the woman he cheated on his wife with, Sharon Shennoca? That Shennoca looks like she could be a Batman super villain named Mistress Mummy or maybe Fraulein Leatherface? That his son (?) looks like he's hopped up on Vicodin? That Jay and Silent Bob's posse are seated behind them? I mean, jeez, take your pick.


Oh, and Ms. Shenocca? I suggest you use some of your super mummy powers on Mr. Bill, because he's got eyes on a couple younger hotties. And the dancer on the right has to be thinking something that rhymes with "flirty mold pan."


Mike D'Antoni: First of all, holy crap! The Bulls got the first pick in the NBA draft! Sure, they could have sucked the chrome off of R2D2's robo-schlong last season, but little did we know they were losing with purpose. Boo-ya, baby! Now, Mike D'Antoni have been a part of that, could have started a whole new generation of Fun-N-Gun in Chicago, but nooooooooo. He went for the $$ and decided to take the helm of the Good Ship Knickerbocker. Good call, Mikey Boy. Good call.

And his "I just swallowed a big turd" reaction when the Knicks got the sixth pick? Pure, undistilled rad. As Basketbawful reader Jin put it: "I signed on this morning to see the Bulls won the draft lottery with something like a 1.7% chance of doing so, and the first thing I thought to myself was: 'Oh shit, D'antoni's gotta be pissed.' My friend hit me with this incredibly awesome picture within seconds of that (see below). I dunno if you've seen it before, but it's all five flavors of awesome. I think the fact that D'antoni kind of looks like the Monopoly Man adds to the humor or his tight lipped grimace." Yup, yup, and yup. Go directly to jail Madison Square Garden, Mike. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Do not get a chance to be happy ever again.

Labels: Bill Belichick, Boston Celtics, Chauncy Billups, Detroit Pistons, Flip Saunders, Mike D'Antoni, NBA playoffs, Rasheed Wallace, Ray Allen, Rip Hamilton, Worst of the Night, Zoo Crew

The Orlando Magic: They had every opportunity to steal Game 5. Detroit's starting point guard -- All-Star Chauncey Billups -- missed the game with a hamstring injury. (Or am I supposed to just call it "a hamstring" these days?) The Pistons shot only 36 percent from the field and 3-for-14 from distance. And still the Magic lost.

Orlando managed to miss 12 freethrows and commit 21 turnovers...which led to 34 points for the Pistons. So basically -- MATH ALERT!! -- the Magic gave Detroit 46 free points, which is a lot to give away in a 5-point loss.

It's also worth noting that the Magic forced only 3 turnovers -- and none after the first quarter -- despite the fact that the Pistons had to play a rookie, backup point guard for 33 minutes.

Dwight Howard: He dominated the boards (17), but he shot 6-for-15 from the line and threw the ball away 4 times. It might be time to change his nickname from "Superman" to "Shaq Jr." And that is not a compliment.

The Big Three Butterfingers: Dwight, Hedo and Rashard combined to commit 15 of Orlando's 21 turnovers. So if I was Hubie Brown, I'd be rasping out that "You cannot win on the road in the playoffs when your top three scorers are turning the ball over."

Hedo Turkoglu: Okay, this was more of a great play by Tayshaun Prince than it was a boned play by Hedo, but it's still a bigtime shutdown in an elimination game. Ego-ectomy, anybody?


For the record, the Magic accumulated 76 assists and 76 turnovers over the course of this five-game series. So I'll go Hubie on you again and say, "That is not a good ratio, okay?"

Rip Hamilton: He scored 31 points and was 16-for-16 from the line. But that's not the performance that bugged me. It was another performance that happened in the third quarter that got on my nerves. Hamilton lost the ball on a drive, then flailed around to try and get the call. He didn't, and Orlando ran downcourt and hit a three. I immediately thought to myself, "He's going to get a make-up call next time downcourt." Sure enough, Rip got the ball, ran around a screen, drew contact and got the whistle. There was only one problem: The contact was clearly initiated by...Tayshaun Prince! And since the Magic were in the penalty, Rip got two freethrows. I really hate officiating sometimes...

Detroit's bench: Rodney Stuckey started due to Billups' injury, and he played great (15 points, 5-for-10, 6 assists, zero turnovers). Without Stuckey to lead them, the Pistons reserves sucked a fatty: 4 points on 1-for-11 shooting, 7 rebounds, 2 assists in almost 45 minutes of lack-tion.

Arron Afflalo: He had a mario last night: 1 second worth of PT.

Tim Duncan: Has Timmy been hitting the Hurricanes down in the Big Easy? Because he's been shooting with some blurry vision in New Orleans. Duncan shot a combined 7-for-20 in Games 1 and 2, and he was 5-for-18 last night. He tried to make up for it by grabbing 23 rebounds -- which is the single-game high for this year's playoffs -- but the Spurs rely on three players to carry the bulk of their scoring load...and Tim's one of those three players.

Manu the Starter: Starting Manu over Michael Finley was exactly what the Spurs needed in Games 3 and 4, but it backfired last night. Manu scored 20, but he was only 5-for-15 from the field. Moreover, Finley scored only 2 points (1-for-6) in 15 minutes. I think it's pretty clear that Finley's effectiveness is reduced almost to nil when his minutes are drastically reduced.

Anybody who guarded David West: Holy Moses. West was so hot last night that I got first degree burns from just watching him destroy any and every Spur who dared to defend him. Tim Duncan included. West finished with 38 points, 14 rebounds, 5 assists and 5 blocked shots. If you thought Fabricio Oberto was ugly before, imagine what he looks like now that West scorched his eyebrows off.

Bonzi Wells and Mike James: Remember how the Hornets brought these guys in to give them a little extra punch off the bench. Well, that punch has turned out to be a nutshot, but not to the Hornets' opponents. Bonzi scored zero points (0-for-1) and committed 3 fouls in 6 minutes, and James -- a classic Catch-and-Shoot-22 guy -- scored 3 points in a little less than two minutes of garbage time.

Robert Horry: Okay. Now that he finally surpassed Kareem Abdul-Jabbar for the most playoff games in NBA history (238), it's time for Ben Gay Bob to hang up his sneakers. He played 7:22 last night, and he finished with more fouls (4) than points, rebounds and assists (3). He's officially gone from "Can't measure his contributions on a stat sheet" to "Can't measure his contributions in any way, shape or form."

Gregg Popovich: His Hack-a-Whoever strategy combined with his stall ball tactics make me hate basketball. Scratch that. They make me hate watching the Spurs play basketball. I guess that's what Pop would call "championship basketball," but I call it unwatchable bullshit. Excuse my French, Tony.

(Why oh why is there no YouTube of Gregg's little tete-a-tete with Joey Crawford?)

Random fun: Ah, Sir Charles. You continue to be my man crush. Last night, Chuck "mistook" Stan Van Gundy for Ron Jeremy. I really hope that's only because of the mustache. (From Odenized.)


NBA.com: Did you know LeBron James is white? Me neither. Thanks to Rhian from Brazil for the amusing find.

Labels: Detroit Pistons, Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic, Rip Hamilton, Worst of the Night

Steve Javie, Derrick Stafford, Joe Forte: Sometimes the zebras get it right, sometimes they get it wrong. Very wrong. Such was the case last night in Detroit, when the game clock "froze" long enough for Chauncey Billups to beat the third quarter buzzer with momentum-changing three-pointer.

Here's the official description from the Orlando Sentinal: "The Pistons took the ball out of bounds with 5.1 seconds left, but the clock stopped at 4.8 and again at 4.1 before Billups made the three-point shot. The Magic bench erupted in protest, and officials huddled while TNT replays showed it took 5.22 seconds for the ball to leave Billups' hands, meaning Billups couldn't have gotten the shot off in time. But officials ruled the basket good, and they put .5 of a second back on the clock..."

Thanks to Odenized, we have lots of video evidence of this debacle. Here's the initial brouhaha.


Here are the TNT broadcasters showing the have a greater aptidude than the men who are paid to officiate the game.


And now, the reactions. Surprisingly enough, the Pistons don't seem too broken up about it, but who wants to bet that Rasheed Wallace would have gotten tossed if the same thing had happened to the Pistons?


The league and its stupid rules: Lead official Steve Javie declined comment after the game. But really, what else could he have done? The league's replay rules don't allow the officials to review plays in order to figure out when the shot clock started, should have started, should have stopped, etc. My question is: Why the hell not? If it's permissible to use replay at the end of games to determine whether a shot came before or after the buzzer, why not put in some kind of addendum stating that it can be used in situations like this? We can stuff astronauts into a flying tin can and send it to the moon. We have the technology. Why not, you know, use it?

Here's an interesting question posed by Brazil Thrill's Shot Was Blocked By KG on my NBA Closer column: "So will David Stern force Detroit and Orlando to replay the end of the third quarter and the entire fourth quarter of game two? If he thought a regular season game was important enough to warrant a partial re-match, why not apply the same rule during the playoffs? Or at the very least give Orlando 3 points to start with on game 3." An interesting point, eh? But I doubt Stern will do diddly squat. Because that could possibly get in the way of a Pistons-Celtics or Pistons-LeBron matchup in the Eastern Confernece Finals. Not that I'm conspiracy theorizing or anything...

The Magic's butter fingers: Memo to Stan Van Gundy: Either tell your players not to coat their hands in PAM before the game, or invest in a gross of Stickum. Orlando committed 19 turnovers that were transmogrified into 22 points for the Pistons. Worst of all, 17 of those 19 turnovers were bobbled off the hands of Rashard Lewis (6), Hedo Turkoglu (6) and Dwight Howard (5). A team cannot win if its main men keep gift-wrapping the ball and giving it away like a department store Santa.

The Orlando bench: Here is the sum total of their contribution to last night's game: 4 points on 1-for-7 shooting, 4 rebounds, 1 assist, 1 steal, and 8 fouls in almost 46 minutes. Holy wow, that is bad. And I mean 1986-87 Celtics bench bad.

Rip Hamilton: The Phantom once claimed that he knows whether a shot is going in before he even gets the ball. So why does he ever miss? If it's not going to go in, don't take the shot, right? Apparently not, since he was 4-for-18 last night.

Theo Ratliff: This guy inexplicably started talking trash to Rashard Lewis and the rest of the Magic after Game 1, which seems kind of strange coming from someone who barely ever plays. Did he back it up in Game 2? [Insert laugh track here] Uh, no. The line: zero points, 0-for-1 shooting, 1 rebound, zero assists, 1 blocked shot, 1 foul, 9 minutes. My advice? Zip the lip, Theo.

Walter Herrmann: Mr. Man -- who looks like a poor man's Fabio -- had a one trillion last night.

San Antonio Spurs: They looked good last night...for a half. Then the wheels came off in the third quarter, during which they were outscored 36-18. Frankly, they looked old, slow and wholly incapable of staying in front of the runnin' gunnin' Hornets. It's like the Spurs' methodical, slow-it-down-to-a-snail's-pace methodology finally backfired on them, sort of like people thought it might backfire against the Suns. Experience often overcomes youth, until experience's age falls victim to youth's fresh and tireless legs.

Gregg Popovich was so concerned -- and probably pissed off -- that at one point he yanked the starters (and foul-plagued sixth man Manu Ginobili) in favor of Ime Udoka, Brent Barry, Fabricio Oberto, Robert Horry and Jacque Vaughn. And if that's not a slap to the chops, I don't know what is. But you can't blame him. Duncan had (I think) around 11 points at the time (although he would finish with 18). Tony Parker shot 5-for-14. Michael Finley was 2-for-7. Bruce Bowen was 1-for-7. And Manu Ginobili finished 4-for-10 (he also had a game-high 5 turnovers). You could argue that, had it not been for Brent Barry (14 points, 4-for-5 from three-point range), the Spurs would have been beaten by 30.

Damon Stoudemire: As Basketbawful reader Josh pointed out, Mighty Mouse continued his championship piggyback game with a three trillion. Although it's starting to look like he might have been better off signing with the Hornets.

David West: The man's a straight-up baller, but he needs to leave the taunting on the streets where it belongs. First he punked Dirk Nowitzki -- which was pretty classless, even if it was kind of funny -- and now he's taunting...Fabricio Oberto?! That's really not necessary. (Video from Odenized.)


Reggie Miller: Reggie continues his assault on verbiosity, uh, verbalism, er, wordiology...forget it. I've been listening to Reggie too much, apparently. As Deadspin reader Tubesteak Terrorist pointed out: "According to Reggie Miller last night, David West is 'ambidextrious.'"

And there's more, this time from Rob of BigDiction.net: "Ha. No more than 6 minutes into the Spurs Hornets game Monday after a Peja three-pointer: Kevin Harlan says 'And he has been shooting at a 60% clip this postseason!,' to which Reggie Miller replies 'And that's a big plus for him.' No shit, Reggie. No shit."

And here's some retroctive Reggie from last weekend, courtesy of Basketbawful reader Nick: "In Hornets-Spurs Game 1, they had to delay the game because after Hugo the Hornet jumped through a ring of fire they couldn't put out the fire and had to use extinguishers. After they resumed play, the players were falling on the court because of the remains. Reggie Miller had this to say: 'The official is calling for the crew to come out because the players are slippering all over.' That's funny in itself, but then I looked up the word slippering. A slippering is a metonymical term for the act of smacking the buttocks, or the hands, with a slipper as a form of corporal punishment." I...really don't know what to say. Other than: Thanks for the mammaries, Reggie.

SI.com: Basketbawful reader MC Welk thinks the caption writers for the Sports Illustrated Web site are a little confused about who the Lakers are playing right now. "Lakers did a good job of getting past the Suns (right, SI?)."

The ESPN Scoreboard: Basketbawful reader Sky Flakes things that the ESPN scoreboard is almost as confused as Reggie Miller. Note how the Spurs spotted the Hornets an extra 5 points during halftime.


Then they upped it to 8 points, just for kicks.


Then the math started to go a little fuzzy. As Mr. Flakes put it: "I didn't know that 23 + 20 + 0 = 49." Me neither. But then, I failed 3rd grade math. Damn multiplication tables...


The Lakers medical staff: What are these guys doing? Practicing leechcraft? As Basketbawful reader Shrugz put it: "Wasn't Andrew Bynum supposed to be out for 2-4 weeks...in February?" Yup. Now he's out for the rest of the season. Nice. Worst medical staff ever. (Of course, that cranky knee didn't keep Andy from getting jiggy wit' it at a UCLA frat party...)

Labels: bench play, Chris Paul, David West, Detroit Pistons, fan submissions, New Orleans Hornets, officiating, Orlando Magic, Reggie Miller, Rip Hamilton, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night

Here's another heaping helping of steamy man love from m. Alana of Billie Basquetbaäl.


Rorschach test: Spend at least five mintues staring intently at the above image and then tell me whether you would describe it as:

1. A triple-decker manwich.

2. An Oreo cookie (milk forthcoming).

3. The climactic battle scene from the "independent film" Buttman and Throbbin'.

4. A common dance move you would expect to see at a bar called The Velvet Anvil.

5. An aggressive NBA double-team.

Now think about your answer and consider what it means about you and your sexuality. Then go call your mom. She misses you.

Labels: fan submissions, man love, Manu Ginobili, Rasheed Wallace, Rip Hamilton

This commerical for Turkey's Dimes Fruit Juice truly redefines the word "korkunç." Forget Russell versus Chamberlain or Magic versus Bird; this is Mehmet Okur versus Mehmet Okur. I hate to ruin the surprise for you, but Mehmet Okur wins.

Of course, the real winner is anybody who drinks Dimes. Seriously, I think Memo had a drinkgasm at the end of this clip. Have you ever in your entire life seen a look of such totally refreshed satisfaction on a human face? If you said yes, you're lying.


I always thought that the Pistons gave up on Okur too soon, and the way he's played for Utah has pretty much confirmed that. Not only has he given the Jazz a solid 18 and 8 over the last couple years, he's also provided some clutch heroics. Case in point: The following game winning shot against the Bulls:


Mehmet also hit a game-winner against the Spurs. Listen to those Turkish broadcasters go absolutely crazy. I think Memo must be a Turkish Elvis or something. Or maybe Elvis was really just an American Memo.


And let's not forget when Memo blocked Rip Hamilton's last second shot to secure a win for Utah. He even plays defense. Who knew?


Speaking of blocks, I think we need to give Mehmet a new nickname: "The Duncan Stopper." Okay, maybe not.

Labels: Chicago Bulls, clutch, Detroit Pistons, fruit juice, Mehmet Okur, Rip Hamilton, Tim Duncan, Utah Jazz